(Epic random battles of absolute pointlessness. Also someone dies, I don't even care. Do you? I don't.)
ITS MY LIFE!
CHAPTER TEN: WHO IS CAVE JONSON? (The person you renamed Gabe for no damn reason.)
I got reddy (As opposed to yellowy?) to step into the time mashine with Wheatly when a guy showed up (He said "Combines, leave my son alone." )who looked my dad but more meen. (This is becoming a standard for the author's writing. "Like X but more Y." Whether it be describing her sue or random characters.) "I am CAVE JONSON who is GABE JONSONS more evil twin!" (Why does everyone announce their presence like this is a stage show?) He lolled like bad an some guys camed (Eugh!) up from behind him. "I also cloned all yur frends to make evil ones (Um…why? And how for that matter?) they are called... TEEN FORTRESS 2 (Becos there in High School get it)!"(I got it. You're as funny as a clown. Being shot. And run over.) I new that Caroline had powers now (I'm calling that into question too. Her argument, is that by giving them to Caroline, they'll be passed down through genetics. But there's only a 50% that the single gene will be passed on from both the parents, including Gabe. So wouldn't it make more sense to inject him too?) so I just went into the mashine when the evil Demomon (Demomon, digital monsters.) explodd it. This was soo sad, I had finally gotted a way to return to the time when an now it was gone.(It's not that bad. Surely if the Inginiir can whip one up as fast as he did last time, it's no problem. Right? Too much common sense for this fic?) "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" I yelled like the sun (I've never heard the sun yell personally.) .an my powers golwed all round me with sparks an lighting.
"I AM THE DEMONMAN!" (I'm almost certain that's not a typo. Sadly the demo man is not a hipster demon. Waste of opportunity.) Said the Demonaman an he fired bombs at the evil guys (Oh, so I guess that IS a typo. :c ) but Cave Jonson lolled some more an said "I have made the immune with sheelds you cannot hurt them." (This is like fights on the playgrounds, when your opponent makes up the "everything proof shield" …what, just me?) My powers were still chargin up an they finished an I fired a bolt of electric stuff at Cave Jonson but then... HE FIRED ANO BOLT OF ELECTRIC STUFF TO ME! (So, how does Cave have all this stuff?) "Haha ha! The evil Ingineer gave me powers like yurs Marrissa (Oh, of course. Still makes no fucking sense.) now you will die!" He shooted more powers at me but I had a trick, (PICK A CARD!) I still had me portal gun. I powered up teh gun an fired a black hole to were Cave Jonson was. (Oh yeah…that ¬¬ How was she carrying that around with no-one noticing? Was it balanced in her tits?)
The black hole started suckin up all the things but Cave Jonson cold fly an escaped. (Nothing escapes a black hole. It's pull literally draws in everything, no matter how far you fly. Really, this attack is too dangerous to use, because it literally just sucks up everything, not just your enemies. Then again, Portal's connection with science is a bit out there…) "Can I fly to?" I asked in shock at the power. "No, you can only space flight but Ill put the power Caroline becos shes yur mom."(So Caroline's demoted to Plot convenience machine 101.) So the Engineer (Holy shit, she spelled his name right o.o) taked out nettle a gain an put it in Paroline an I started to hoover. (This is no time for cleaning Marissa!) "FLY ON!" I yelled an soared to wards Cave Jonson who was at the tracks beatin up all the football players (Uh…does he have ADD? Did he just forget he was fighting someone? Also, why aren't the rest of the "clones" doing anything? Maybe they're defective.) an tryin to molest the cheer leaders becos he was an evil jerk like Atlas an P-Body. (Seriously Cave, sort out your priorities.) "Hey you big jerk Cave Jonson pice on someone yur own size!" I smirked with hands on hips. (Good idea Marissa. Taunt him instead of using the distraction to attack him. Fucking moron.) "No you dont you die!" Cave lolled an shot lighting bolts an power missiles at me. (Is Cave just vomiting missiles? This one's new.) I used my detective power to figure out were he wold fire (Just how DOES that detective power work?) an be in a nother place wen he did. "How can I not hit you with all my big booms?" I lolled at him. "Thats becos yur a bad guy an an bad guys loose!" (Mother 3. Villains technically win in that.) Then I shot him with the biggest powerup I ever had an there was a big flash an Cave Jonson was gone. (Guess he forgot the shield that time…)
I flewed back to the jim an saw Gabe an Caroline an Wheatly an the good Teen Fortress 2 cheerin (Guess the whole "clone" thing has been completely abandoned. Nice to see they did nothing to help too. Forget all those guns and training they have, nah they just watch from the sidelines.) "Marrissa! Marrissa! Yay!" They were all so happy an proud of me it brot a tears to my eye. (Praaaaaaise the sue e.e) "You guys are all the best! You shold come with me an Wheatly to the future!" (Because having one time paradox isn't enough. We need to create so many holes the present turns into a piece of swiss cheese.) Gabe Jonson looked sad an told me "No Marrisser, if we go life in the future then it will break the time streem an cause a paradoks." (Yup, that's right. So why isn't he bringing this up for Wheatley?) I cried alittle more an hugged Gabe an Caroline. "I guess this is goodbye my grate future dotter." Caroline sniffled. (She could smell the sue reeking off of Marissa.) "Also you must have a nother child named Chell but she will be less hot an pretty than me ok?" (UGH! The sue's asserting her dominance is REALLY pissing me off. It's moved onto levels of people who don't even EXIST yet.) They both nodded "Ok" an we were all happy.
"Marrissa I've repaired the time mashine its time for you an Wheatly to home." (See? Told you it wasn't that bad.) The good Ingineer said. I picked up Wheatly hoo was a sleep becos he didnt have his rale to charge (Actually he was just bored from all the shit going on.) on an stepped into the mashine. Lights started goin an flashin when suddenly... CAROLINE WAS GOT SHOT! "I was not dead it was just a trick!" Cave Jonson sayd holdin up the gun. (Uh... how do you fake dying from probably getting vaporised? That's some fake out...) Gabe went on the ground an cried some then stood up an screemed "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !" (So, logically this means Marissa should be disappearing right about now. YES!) Then with all the furry (Keep that fandom out of this ya damn troll.) from his hole mussely body Gabe Jonson jump kicked Cave Jonson an blew up his head. (Jump kick = exploding head? Ok that's kinda badass, if not nonsensical.) Cave Jonson was died for real now but at what cost? (One pointless chapter, that's what.)
Gabe ranned to Caroline body (I coldnt becos the mashine was still powerin up with me in it). "Carlion, pleese be ok!" (She got shot, do you honestly think she's going to be ok?)Gabe cried to Caroline an blood was comin out of her every where. "Im sorry Gabe but the woond is fatal she will dye soon." The Medik said (…what. I'm sorry, the medigun heals wounds in a second, why isn't he helping?!) with tear in eyes. "Gabe, Marrissa, I... love... you..." Then she died. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gabe cried a gain. (Now we're getting into Revenge of the Sith levels of writing.) "I will build you a new robot body Caroline an it will be called... GLaDOS!"(So that's how it connects… that's absolutely stupid.) I o-mouthed (So close…almost a whole chapter without it.) but befour I cold stop him the time mashine sent me back to the future! (And that line is actually relevant in the context...one point for that.)
TO BE CONTINUED!
OH NO! (OH YES!) NOW MARRISSA AN WHEATLY ARE BACK IN THE PRESENT (And time is destabalizing at an alarming rate.) BUT CAROLINE IS TURNED INTO GLADOS! AN WHAT IS HAPPENED IN PORTAL LABS NOW THAT CHELL AN FUTURE (I'm guessing shit got fucked up.)
AN I CANT BEELEVE HOW MANY REVIEWS MY STORY IS GETTIN SOON ILL HAVE A HUNDERD! (Reviews =/= a good fanfic.) I LOVE YOU GUYZ! (We don't love you.)
PS OK I WAS RONG ABOUT CAVE JONSON I THOT HIS NAME WAS GABE SO TO FIX THE PLOT HOLE, (Retconning is for morons! And this doesn't even slightly fix it.) AFTER MARRISSA WENT TO FUTURE GABE JONSON CHANGED NAMED TO CAVE IN ONOR OF HIS DED BROTHER. (Um, why? If Cave's evil, why would Gabe change his name in honour of his wife's killer?)
(So, epic battle out of nowhere. The result? Shit. No surprises there. Next chapter's not AS stupid though. Still stupid, but you take what you can get with this fic.)