Journey Back to Babel

by Kerjen

Set the day after Journey to Babel, Saavik's ship, carrying Spock and other diplomats, is thrown into a time warp, set by a saboteur. They find themselves side by side with Kirk's Enterprise on its way to Babel. As they battle against the enemy, their children become weapons, Kirk & Saavik's ships are used against them, and Sarek is forced to choose: billions of lives or his family

10. Chapter 10

(Note: I created the sloth and scaled ambassadors, and added the Caitian. All the others are in Babel; I only made up names for them, except for the Andorians and Gav whose names were given in the episode. If you read chapter 9 without the ambassadors scene, I trimmed a lot out of the chapter and put in the ambassadors after a reader (cobalt-blue) pointed out I rambled on. You don't need to read it to understand this chapter.)

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USS CONTACT, REC ROOM

"Oh my god," someone exclaimed softly, unaware they even spoke. "It's him."

Saavik hadn't warned the ambassadors about Sarek's contacting them or that their younger selves would be there too. The surprise was the point, after all. She had let them mill around the rec area, their voices rising and falling as they discussed – complained – about their situation, until the Enterprise had signaled, explained Sarek wasn't alone, and she had them patched right through.

She kept her back to the large viewscreen as she gauged the diplomats' reactions. Some gaped, others dropped into seats, and some of them skittered backwards to the bar, eyes glued to Sarek.

No one kept up the protest that the whole idea of their falling back in time was a lie.

"Captain, this is Imre."

Saavik quickly reached the closest comm station with long strides, and kept her eyes on the ambassadors. She noticed the historians had somehow gotten word already and spilled through the doors. "Saavik here."

"We're ready to start the weapons test you ordered. Bimo warned the Enterprise, so they won't be surprised. Even if it's not live fire."

"Are their shields still up?"

"Yes, ma'am."

Good, because if the test went the wrong way, she wanted them protected. She'd meant to be on the bridge for this, but the situation here was, for the moment, more volatile than the test.

"Commander, begin testing. Stream the resulting data to this station and alert me immediately of any deviation from the standard. I will return to the bridge after we complete the undertaking here."

"Aye, Captain. Imre out."

The short Ambassador Seluban of the Entirans peered this way and that way for a clear view of Sarek. "Look at him. I remember thinking you could finally see him starting to age back then. Now I keep thinking that he looks so… young." He moved through his fellows to see better, since the taller species stood around in a crowd. The large size of the view screen and its elevated height usually made it easy to see from anywhere in the rec room, but being less than chest high on the others caused Seluban to push through the wall they formed. "I was a junior then. In fact—" He suddenly shoved forward even more and spoke to himself in an astounded murmur, "…there I am."

Yes, he was. Sarek dominated the picture, being the closest to the screen, but others started coming in view. Seluban's gold skin hadn't changed, of course, and the gold trimmed white toga and the light red fez were still traditional dress. Entirans were born looking older by human standards, but he could still look into the time mirror and see a youth on the other side, complete with an inexperienced gape over the universe doing something so fantastic.

But then, everyone gaped.

The Entirans back then had a lot of attitude too, because his younger self and Ambassador Sudav pushed their own way past two very tall, hooded Wuc'Ul, including the younger Ambassador Jyart in his gold robe.

Saavik split her attention between them and the weapons test. Nachson went through the ten phaser arrays one at a time, firing singularly and then starting combinations. Each result earned a green light.

"Poor devil," the retired Ambassador Rayfh of Earth murmured, his once blond hair now white. Leonard McCoy's color, Saavik noted idly. He was looking at Sarek. "What a damn shame he got put on that other ship at the last minute. He could have seen his wife."

Saavik's lips parted. I have been selfish. She had thought of Sarek's safety and how better off he was by not being here for that reason. For her piece of mind, she now saw, as his daughter and the captain in charge of Vulcan's safety.

However, thinking as a married person herself, with a spouse who meant more to her than all the worlds combined, she knew Rayfh was right: if anyone should have the chance to speak with Amanda, even if it was only on opposite sides of a darkened viewscreen, Sarek should.

He had been cheated.

"Which wife?" Ambassador Vulwadar's furred, sloth lips twisted snidely at the Terran envoy. He had to break to yawn, his nocturnal clock hating him being up, and Rayfh slid a mug of coffee across the table to him in just as sarcastic a move.

"The first, obviously. Don't be an ass just because he got the better of you every damn time."

Second wife, Saavik corrected, but I agree on the subsequent point.

"Might have been awkward. Isn't the latest with him?"

Saavik's eyes hardened at the comment. As if my father has a harem. But she saw Rayfh shake his head tightly over the insolence, and let the ambassadors deal with each other.

"Put yourself in his place," the Earth delegate spat. "You got a wife at home."

Vulwadar instantly quieted. He waited for Rayfh to turn around and then picked up the coffee mug to thoughtfully regard the dark depths.

Putting that aside, Saavik saw her husband's and father-in-law's plan worked. Every diplomat always returned to the screen. They may hold a drink, they may say something to the person next to them, but they all went back to Sarek. That included the Ozalet whose eyes were drawn up from his coffee on their own accord.

One of the Thesulian women, with fuchsia skin and gray, loose pigtails, scrubbed her face with her hands. "This is, this is…" She looked back to the viewscreen. "…unbelievable. Look," she said to the other two women. "Veothur and Taxeer, alive."

Saavik had studied the diplomatic records for the historic mission, so she knew without looking that Taxeer was the man with the gray hair piled high, the grizzled beard, and the simple brown dress. Ambassador Veothur was the man with dark hair and beard, loose pigtails, and scalloped blue dress. Sarek spoke at his funeral only last year.

Bimojigar had been talking with the diplomats on the Enterprise so far. She signaled on the screen that they were talking back.

"Greetings," Sarek said and saluted them. "Peace and long life. Understand we cannot see you, so I may offer only general good wishes."

Csala's ears twitched, gray fur now mixed in with the Caitian's black tips. Her one relative had been Amanda's aide in the later years. "What do they see?"

Saavik jabbed down on the comm station controls to mute the microphones. "They see the symbol for the United Federation of Planets appropriate for their era. I must ask that you be careful in speaking. My father-in-law is intelligent and so are all of you. If a large number of you talk, they may deduce it is the same group as their Coridan mission. They cannot know you are returning for the anniversary. Nor can they know how many years have passed."

Voices in a mixture of unwilling, ingenuous, and agreeable answered her that they understood. She turned the audio on again and immediately regretted it.

On the other side, Trorv bellowed as he stabbed a hand at the viewscreen. "How do we know anyone from this so-called future is there? It's only a voice! It could be anyone here on the Enterprise, broadcasting from the bridge!"

The older Trorv on the Contact spun around and yelled equally loudly, "I make a good point! If that is me! How do we know? It could be a holovid made by the Contact to deter us from how they're not getting us home! If it's real, why don't I remember it?!"

His younger self stared at the monitor, his porcine nose working as if he could smell across the space separating them. "What – was that me?"

Saavik immediately muted the microphones again as voices yelled over one another on both sides. "Bimojigar, I need to speak privately with Ambassador Spock."

Her communications officer kept her voice low, knowing the Vulcan ambassador would hear her, although she did get an eyebrow for calling him Mr. Spock Sr. He placed a comm earpiece in his ear. "Yes, Captain?"

Saavik leaned into the station. They needed to be all business now. "We need to give them a representative, in the same way we gave them you."

"It would answer their questions on whether you are real."

"You know them better. Suggestions?"

He looked over his shoulder at the building chaos and she did the same on her side. "Shras," he decided.

She agreed. "His slow aging does hide the amount of years it has been."

"He is also self-possessed and a leader. A moment." Sarek had come nearer and Spock whispered in his ear. His father nodded and whispered back. "Agreed, Captain. He is neither ally nor enemy which will give him believability with others. Signal when you are ready."

Saavik moved in a direct line to the Andorian ambassador. She rapidly explained and gestured to crewmembers in the area to clear a space. That had the added benefit of shutting everyone up as they wondered what was going on.

"Will you?" she asked Shras.

"Who would not, Captain?" he answered.

She spun on her toe, and, after one look, people scurried out of her way. She spun back directly under the viewscreen and addressed them from the platform made for this exact reason. "My integrity and that of my crew has been called into question. Ambassador Trorv, quiet."

She had been silencing belligerent Tellarites since her first cadet year; she knew what it took. Trorv subsided.

"If the situation was different, so would be my actions. However, while the accusations are unpardonable, your concern for what will happen is not. Ambassador Shras has therefore agreed to represent you. I ask that you step away from him and stay in those positions. We continue to deal with the frailty of time."

She called out to the air and the open channel to his earpiece picked her up. "Spock. We are ready. Computer, resume full audio."

They could tell when video began in the Enterprise's conference room. Even Sarek's head came up. "Ambassador Shras," he greeted calmly.

"Thiptho lapth, Ambassador." A standard greeting whose real meaning Andorians kept to themselves. They defied the Universal Translator with it, declaring that whatever a linguist showed as a translation was "incorrect for the context." Everyone outside Andor therefore decided to interpret it simply as Greetings.

Saavik was one of those who believed the translator algorithms actually had captured the meaning correctly, but that Andorians preferred to keep the phrase to themselves. An issue that was not hers to solve. She swept her gaze to the weapons test; the photon torpedo launchers were active now.

Sarek got right to the point. "We are to prove we exist instead of being a deception. How may I do so?"

The Andorian shook his head. "I will first speak to my younger self first." Shras' two versions held an accelerated discussion in their own tongue. Saavik turned off the Universal Translator on her side as a courtesy and the older Spock did the same on his. At last, both Shras agreed the other was real.

The younger then asked in Standard, "Does Sarek have three grandchildren? Some here believe they are only a manipulation."

Saavik watched the Andorian here carefully. He ended up earning her caution. "They are real and are on the Enterprise for safety. Something none of us here can claim."

She started to come back at him for that, when everyone in the room suddenly looked startled, sick, or a mix of the two. Saavik got an overwhelming feeling of l'koihkeis, what Terrans called deja vu, as she swung to look at the main screen for the first time.

The recording of the children and McCoy in the cargo bay played: "They're kids, Jim! We found them stuffed in a crate! They're unconscious like everyone else except they're drugged!"

She swung on the Andorian and the old warrior met the weapon of her glare. "How?" she demanded, using the same tone she had used earlier on the Tellarite, only with a lot more teeth behind it. It was sure to be heard without yelling or walking up to him. "And why?"

In a moment, the whirling antennae slowed and dipped in her direction. "I did not do this. I could not as I don't have the access to the recording. I didn't even know it existed. However, Vulcan," he looked up to the screen and only he knew, at first, if he addressed Sarek or Spock, "I was about to admit that being here where the saboteur awaits is equally true for your daughter-in-law as well as the rest of the crew. Now…"

His coloring, even in his antennae, paled. With anger. "That sight in the recording, it is not one any parent or grandparent should see. Ambassador, we were wrong to think your family and the Contact had no interest in getting home."

He lowered his eyes to meet Saavik's. "My apologies – to you as well, Captain."

Saavik heard her father-in-law. She had not taken her eyes off of Shras – but she believed him. He had even caught himself from implying the ship's captain was Sarek's daughter-in-law.

"I appreciate your words, Ambassador Shras. You are quite correct. It is not a sight for a family to see." Sarek paused. "Is our business concluded?"

"No."

Saavik readied for whatever Shras would throw next. He did not mislead Spock; he is self-possessed. But it was his younger self on the viewscreen.

"I ask myself a question. I have little experience with the Vulcan ambassador. He asks that we give him the sole voice over the Coridan system."

"I must object," Sarek said. "I do not suggest each party loses its vote on Coridan. For clear reasons, I request to be the sole negotiator with the saboteur when he at last emerges."

Saavik finally looked at him and Spock on the screen. And the sight—she kept her back to the room, so no one saw her wide eyes and open mouthed stare.

Sarek when he went to Hellguard.

That face arguing with Spock: she couldn't understand the words then, but she knew what he protested. So confusing because he was also the face calling out to her and the others, offering food and a safe place, and giving them all those things. That face that looked at her and held back until it grew into the one giving acceptance, and she, equally guilty until then, had done the same. That face who held an accord with her: to protect Spock, to protect Amanda, the two people in all the galaxies dearest to both of them. That face that started calling his house her home. The face that asked her if she chose Spock as a consort, not only for her and his son's sakes, but because it was his strongest wish to welcome her as a daughter.

A long journey. He would start it in six years — with this face.

As for Saavik: she took a silent, calming breath. She hadn't expected for all those old feelings to come back, not when their pain died decades ago for both of them, and in its place was how very much they chose each other as father and daughter.

She hastily paid attention to Shras' answer. "I do know him better now. We have worked for and against each other enough times for me to answer." He frowned in thought, not disapproval. "He would never ask to be the sole vote on Coridan. It would not occur to him because it is absurd. However, do not forget. Vulcans were once warriors, and, as I said, he has seen something as a grandfather that won't leave him. He will go about it differently than we would, but if the vote were mine…" he bowed slightly, "I would give him the arena he seeks and call his enemy a fool for beginning this war."

The younger Shras nodded and looked over his shoulder at his fellow diplomats before returning. "We will discuss it. Now, a final question. Do you have my memories? I accept this is reality, but I don't understand how you can't remember it from my point of view."

The older Spock stepped forward. "I can answer you. Current theories on time travel believe that, rather than a line, Time loops and crosses itself, and therefore touches at points. Our being here from your future has elevated it. While we attempt to right this present, the future reacts to our current and near-future actions. Is that clear so far?"

The ambassadors on both sides looked at each other.

Spock tried again. "If the Contact returns to its own place tomorrow and captures the saboteur before he begins, our being here will never have happened. Therefore, those of us at the older age can't have memories of days that will never have existed."

His younger self expanded on the explanation. "Interesting. The future has crossed this point in my present, due to the nature of this event, thereby bringing this sign of what will happen."

"Correct."

"It then becomes telling. If you continue to have none of my memories, it is a sign we will succeed."

"Also correct. Of course, the reverse is also true."

"Yes," the younger Spock sounded just as calm. "If you have my memories, it will mean—"

The large, scaled Milisarian ambassador whispered, "You failed. We're trapped here. We'll never get home."

Sarek answered that, even though it wasn't a question. "It is not currently the case and therefore illogical to discuss. The future gives a sign that we will fix time. We, in fact, succeed. I expect we will find the solutions that create that future."

The mood lifted again and he returned to the Andorian next to him. "Is there anything else?" He looked down the camera. "On either side?"

The younger Shras said, "Nothing for you or the Contact. To myself, I look forward to the times to come."

"Some are worth looking forward to. The others… you will live through. Ambassador," the older Shras said to Sarek.

"Ambassador. Thiptho lapth."

The tight cheek muscles stretched in a grin. "You do not know what that means."

"No," Sarek agreed, "I do not. And you do not know this. Lau ish-veh halovaya nam-tor elik s' kusut." He signed off.

Laughter spread around the room and Saavik thought it safe to leave. She gave Shras a significant look as she turned the Universal Translator back on after Sarek's Vulcan speech. He bowed with great dignity and with a smile for her.

Snatches of conversation came from all around her as she walked out.

"He really is the devil himself! Remember the time—"

"The food was awful at that first party. The liquor was good though. Agreed?"

"No offense, Trorv, but I'll never forget Gav coming at Sarek, and how Sarek just — flicked his wrists like waving off an insect, and sent Gav flying into a wall!"

"Have you noticed how much the son ended up just like him? Have you gone up against Spock in a debate yet? Well, I had to face both of them at once. Want to see the scars?"

"They say the one granddaughter is like them. So don't think it gets any safer."

"You heard what they said, didn't you? We don't have any memories from ourselves over there and that means we're going home!"

Now all Saavik had to do was make that come true. She swept the room the first time for the diplomats; if their spirits were good, they'd stop interfering with her crew with their accusations of doing nothing because the captain had her family with her. They seemed to forget: the captain cannot be with her family.

She gave the room a second once-over for her own people's sake. Far from home like the ambassadors, running headlong into one obstacle after another that prevented them from getting back to their family and friends, and accused of neglect and being unfeeling until a minute ago. They relaxed around the room now, hope apparently restored. They smiled at her, lifted a hand in greeting, or nodded, depending on their personalities, and all of them did one common thing: they looked at her with utter trust.

"Captain?" It was the fuchsia skinned Thesulian woman. "Could we see the Enterprise? That can't harm anything."

"Of course. One moment." Saavik was already near the station she'd previously used. She worked a couple controls and the underside of the other ship came on the main screen, something she'd never be able to do if they didn't share the same warp bubble. She thought over an idea and decided for it.

One of the things Starfleet Command loved about Saavik was her being a Vulcan with a proven ability to successfully command emotional species as well as her own people. It was why they'd kept pushing starship captaincies at her for years, hoping she'd take one. It was why she said now to the Thesulian, "You might be interested in knowing that your younger selves are currently here." She marked the conference room with a pinpoint of light. She then added two others of different colors. "The second marker is the location of the opening reception, to give you a reference point, and the third marks your quarters on deck two."

The brilliance of her white teeth against her pink skin couldn't be brighter as the woman thanked Saavik and made her way back to her group. Trorv even brought drinks over and the laughter and stories continued around the room.

Satisfactory. But Saavik hadn't forgotten that someone had played that recording of her children.

She strode out past the nearly wall-sized emblem in bas relief for the Starfleet forces on Vulcan. She was on the bridge in seconds.

Risteárd Imre got up from the command chair with a quick, "Captain on the bridge," and met her as she came out of the port side turbolift. It put them near Thalla who briefly looked up from her station as the exec handed Saavik a padd. "That's the detailed results of the weapons test."

She read it rapidly; it agreed with what she saw on the rec room station and was exactly what she thought they'd find.

Imre repeated it as well. "Everything's clear."

Damn.

She glanced up at the Master System Display on the back wall. All systems ran fine, even the ones that weren't.

Bimojigar lifted her head. "You're being hailed by the Enterprise, Captain. It's waiting for you in your ready room."

The children.

The mantle on her shoulders became buoyed by knowing she at last could talk with Setik and the girls.

That mantle still lay on her though. "Acknowledged. T'allendil, you are conducting the search I requested?"

The fine boned dark head lifted. "Aye, ma'am. I confirmed the data and have extended search parameters. I will have a full report."

Having to extend the parameters was a bad sign. "I will take the report at the staff meeting. Bimojigar, speak with Ambassador Sarek. We should be more hospitable to our passengers. Arrange for another conversation between the two groups using our Shras as representative."

"Captain?" Imre interrupted. "I'd like to take that conversation with Ambassador Sarek."

It didn't matter if he or Bimo did it, but she noticed the new energy now running through his body language. "It appears to be important to you. Because it is Sarek?"

He grinned. "Not everyone sees him at the dinner table, Captain."

Her eyes lit. "I understand the reaction, Commander, just as I understand why the corridors become so crowded when Spock is aboard. I simply was unaware you felt that way. By all means, speak with Sarek. Inform him we have a change in purpose, and ask that each diplomatic party have a moment to talk with Shras. Perhaps there are questions he can safely answer while their older selves can see and hear the younger. And for people like the Thesulians and Ambassador Rayfh, they can indirectly speak with the people they have lost."

"That's very thoughtful of you, Captain."

She pictured Amanda, James Kirk, and Montgomery Scott over on the Enterprise. "We can all understand."

Nachson spoke up. "If you want to talk to Sarek, Commander - you know, when we get home - you could do something like I did."

"Which was?" Imre asked.

The tactical and second officer lifted a shoulder in a shrug. "I found out Spock and Sarek were both home, so I showed up at the front door." He met the stunned expressions on the bridge. "I had a declaration to make. Nothing to worry about. I was in dress uniform and I had talked a bit with Spock before."

"It was medieval," Saavik noted.

He gave a sideways nod. "They approved."

Of course they did. "Mr. Imre, you will need to come to my ready room after this call. Allow me five minutes."

Despite the situation, he insisted, "Take ten, Captain."

Saavik heard the children's voices as soon as the ready room doors opened. She slipped into her chair that sat directly next to one of the three tall windows with the same width as her body. She had moved the desk herself, so she had a seat against the stars on her left side and faced even more large windows across the room. Another Master Systems Display monitor was mounted behind her, although a bit smaller than the one on the bridge and in Engineering. A few of the weapons from her collection hung beneath it.

"Father," T'Pren was saying and then her mother heard Setik and T'Kel jump in as they all talked at once. Their backs were to the computer, so Saavik settled in her chair to simply watch her family. Spock caught sight of her immediately and started to point her out. Instead, the children increasingly argued about how they only had so much time and so much to talk about and don't you see, Father—?

He and Saavik shared an intimate, familiar look over their children's heads.

He called upon a device he used with them when needed, only this time the disciplinary sound in his voice was feigned. "I see you will not heed me. Saavik, intervention."

The children froze at the familiar words and then spun their heads fast and hard to the computer. She lifted her eyebrows at them. "MOTHER."

They came at the screen in a rolling tidal wave of little Vulcan bodies. If she had been there, they'd have knocked her down.

Perhaps she… exaggerated. Still, Saavik thought warmly about hitting the carpet under the impact of her children.

They leapt into the single chair at the desk, balancing to fit while not knocking it over. Spock brought up another chair, an antique one from the sleeping area, with carved faces of an extinct animal that once lay side by side with sehlats in the PreReform days. The bowed seat got that way from its original near-throne like design and a millennium of generations sitting in it.

The antique could hold both girls, so T'Pren slid over from the standard issue chair. T'Kel, however, suddenly leapt up and knelt on the desk. She grabbed hold of either side of the screen and looked into it like it was Saavik's face she held. Setik and T'Pren lunged forward so they could see on either side of her, and the screen became crammed with their faces around T'Kel's arms.

"Mother," her eldest daughter started forcefully, "would you come here if you could?"

T'Pren protested that they had decided to take this question off their list. "You're wasting time, T'Kel."

Saavik interceded as Spock had earlier mocked. "You also are aware not to kneel on the furniture. Sit down. To answer you, yes, I would immediately come there if I could."

This made the other two children instantly decide that they would discuss this after all. T'Pren pushed at an old fashioned padd. "Here's reasons why you can, Mother. One of them must work."

Saavik's eyes glowed. "Send me the list and if I can use one, I will."

"Promise?"

"Of course. T'Kel, sit in the chair. Do not straddle the two and sit on their arms." Saavik silently warned her husband with a look that he had better not make a comment about where their daughter had inherited such behavior.

The older twin took a seat next to her sister, clearly refraining from complaining about being unjustly treated. She took hold of the padd and pulled out the stylus. "Mother, we have questions for you."

"Indeed?" Her eyebrows went back up. "If I had known, I would have prepared answers."

Setik jumped down from his chair to get closer. Saavik began to tell him it was not necessary when she became aware of how she sat forward in her seat, leaning on the desk to be nearer to the screen. She held back from telling her son anything, at least for the moment.

"That is the point, Mother," Setik informed her gravely. "Your answers are unprepared this way." He noticed he blocked his sisters and got back into his chair, but he scooched it closer to the desk.

Even with that, Saavik could now see around them. A personal library computer sat on a ledge behind their seats and in front of a small wall screen. A deep red showed through the holes in it and around it from the opulent hangings lining the other room.

"Where are you?" She thought they stayed in Sickbay.

T'Pren replied, "Mr. Spock's cabin. Have you seen it, Mother? Some of these things are at home now. The red is good too."

"Yes, the red drapery." Saavik gave her husband a pointed look. He would later put these in his quarters again on board the Enterprise-A where she would see them. Briefly. Valeris and Cartwright separated them soon after and he hadn't used the red cloth since leaving Starfleet. "The word sensual comes to mind."

He gave back a look of feigned loftiness.

"What does sensual mean?" T'Pren asked.

"It means your father is an adult and decorates his room as such. It becomes particularly unfortunate that I am not there, since he and I could then explore this further," her eyes looked up at him through her lashes, "privately."

That took the loftiness, affected or otherwise, out of his expression. He seized the padd with the children's list of how to get Saavik to the Enterprise.

It caused a flurry of protests from the twins and their brother about how the padd was theirs and they needed it to talk with their mother. Spock ignored this as he made a few notes of his own and sent the list off to her. Her computer instantly signaled that it was received.

"Interesting," she said, eyes still on her husband. "You appear to have taken a new notice."

"I assure you, the notice was always there."

T'Kel scowled. "Mother, we do not have time for this."

On the contrary, I can listen to whatever you say.

Some of that came from her struggles with speech and writing after Hellguard, but the children's teachers stated they were at the level they should be. She didn't have a genetic fault that she had passed down, and once in a while, she took a moment to watch her son and daughters be the person she hadn't been.

"What is next on your agenda?"

After a quick huddle, Setik seemed to get this question. "Mother, did you always want to get married and have children?"

Why—? Spock gestured to the cabin, meaning his younger self. I see.

She did. If her younger self of the same age was here, the children would be appalled at the response. Because the answer was, "No. I was quite the opposite."

She would have said it with vehemence and at great length if she was younger.

She could literally see them reach out to each other. Setik carefully asked the next question. "Then why are you married and have children?"

"Because it is with your father. Discovering he desired this with me changed my perspective to something I strongly wanted. Is that sufficient?"

Their whole beings lifted. Setik nodded. "Yes, Mother. That is a very good answer. It tallies with Father's."

She looked above them to Spock again. "Always good to hear."

He shot up an eyebrow. "The reverse is true as well."

T'Kel broke from their plan again. "Mother, these padds! They are—" She held it up and Saavik got a glimpse of the childlike, oversized writing on it, with Setik's recognizable for its smaller script and longer sentences. She didn't get a chance to read even a word, because T'Kel caught her brother and sister's significant stares. "Never mind."

T'Pren sat on the edge of the chair. "Our next question is… the colony that you came from… it is there now. Isn't it, Mother?"

Everything else fled from Saavik's mind. She hadn't expected this. This same thought had haunted her since they arrived here and she knew exactly what her daughter and her other two children would say, everything they would beg for. A part of her, that for some reason always sounded like she was ten, crouched in the empty place where her lost soul had once been and begged for the same thing. "Yes, it is there now. So am I and the T'Pren you are named for."

Alive in hell. But they had not met yet; T'Pren was newly captured and brought to Hellguard. Young Saavik was in another part of the complex with the others like her.

Her daughter brightened. "So we can go! We will get all the Vulcans and you. Mother, think about how good it will be."

Spock's eyes were full of compassion and understanding. He crouched down in between the chairs to help her as she explained, "T'Pren, you must listen. We cannot go to Thieurrull."

"But we can," T'Kel insisted. "Father and Grandfather did it before. They can do it again. Then we will bring everyone home."

Setik jumped in. "We thought about it. The adult T'Pren will adopt you as she planned. You will have a mother, and we will have another grandmother. Plus, the Vulcans will be alive and home. So will everyone like you. And – wasn't there a weapon? Now you will find it sooner and then the Romulans cannot use it at all."

T'Pren barreled back into what was her question. She might even feel she had more to be won or lost, being the namesake. "Mother? Isn't that good?"

"It would be very good." How could she explain to those earnest faces wanting her to make those dreams come true? This went beyond the usual telling them No. "…I want this as much as you do."

They took that as a yes and spun fantasies of how they had it all worked out. Because Grandmother Amanda would come meet Grandmother T'Pren when she heard about the important rescue, and they would probably go on missions together - Grandfather and Grandmother Amanda traveling on Grandmother T'Pren's ship - and that was how Saavik and Spock would know each other until the rest happened. Then the three of them would be born, and Grandmother T'Pren would be so pleased that she had a granddaughter named for her and whose secret ahtía name had the same meaning as Amanda. And she would tell the children all the stories about their adventures and how good it was that they were a family now.

Saavik's youngest girl gave a satisfied breath. "We would have two T'Prens. Two."

Setik spread his hands on the desk in sudden thought. "Grandmother T'Pren was bonded. There is a holopic of him in her Life Album. Remember, you said he looked familiar? So she would come home to Vulcan and marry him. Then you would have a father – besides Grandfather Sarek – and we would have another grandfather. Maybe even great-grandparents. We don't have any of those now. And your parents could have more children. You would not be alone at all!"

Saavik withheld that T'Pren's betrothed was also on Hellguard and had died before his wife arrived. She would have to interrupt this fantasy soon enough.

Maybe, the children went on, they could even save Grandmother Amanda and Captain Kirk since they knew when it would be time-

Saavik pushed down every thought and feeling that dream of a golden life created. Because the answer was still No. No, I may never be able to come to you on the Enterprise. No, I cannot give you that grandmother and that life.

Thankfully, Spock saved his wife. He told them no and why it had to be that way. They kept up their protests and it wasn't until he said it put all their lives at risk and how their plans could all go wrong that they subsided.

Saavik never wanted darkness touching her children. She had enough for all of them, so she thought she could at least do this one thing as their mother. But they still met prejudice from everywhere; violence came into their lives two years ago, and then today's abduction. Now time dangled beautiful dreams that appeared real, only to have them yanked away with no logic apparently attached to why.

Darkness touched her children and she could do nothing. Only sit on the other side of a screen.

Spock silently made it clear he felt this just as much as Saavik put on the mask she always hoped said to her children that she knew what she was doing and that she was completely in control.

"All is not lost from what you pictured," she said. "I still have one T'Pren, and she has a very good brother and sister."

Her daughter's head drooped down to her chest. "It is not the same as two. You never had a chance for two."

"No, it is not the same." Saavik waited while Spock tipped up little T'Pren's chin. "But I had none before you were born. Now I have the T'Pren of my present and future. I am deeply gratified for it."

Her poor children: their meditations and controls were being pushed so far.

So were hers.

"Mother," T'Kel asked quietly. "Which way is home?"

Saavik wondered if this was a loaded question, because she learned this ability with T'Pren on Hellguard. But it was a sort of game the children liked to play whenever the family was away, as well as something she always did for herself.

Instantly, she had her bearings and pointed the way to Vulcan. Those three faces followed where she indicated, wistful.

She took a moment to speak gently, "You had other questions."

Both girls plucked at the padd with lackluster fingers until T'Pren shoved it the couple inches along the desk to her twin. T'Kel craned her head to see what they had written and shot her sister a murky look. But she backed off, maybe since her twin was the solitary T'Pren. "Mother—" she darted a look at Spock, "and Father, Grandmother Amanda and Father's friend, Captain Kirk, are here."

"I know. It is an excellent thing, isn't it?"

The three perked up. "Yes," T'Kel declared in much better spirits. "We think very highly of them. They are very much everything you always said. And! Now we know them ourselves."

"You should tell them how highly you think of them." For their sakes. I can imagine their responses.

"All right. Mother, they… ask us things and we have to answer. Or when we talk about home – how do we – not say that they are gone?"

Spock still stayed in a crouch between the girls and Setik. He looked back and forth between them, resting his hands on their chair arms to be even more physically close. "Your mother and I agree that you have done very well with it. It is a difficult situation for anyone and you have handled it well by avoiding certain details of the truth, or by allowing them to believe what they want. You must merely continue to do the same."

"What if," T'Kel pressed, "they directly ask us?"

Saavik thought she knew where this was going. "Why would they ask such a thing?"

T'Pren jumped in. Of course. "Because they realize we have never said they are there."

Talking with her children was to verbally swing on a pendulum every given moment. Saavik didn't care what anyone said: she was not this difficult as a child. "If that occurs and if your father is not there, you may tell Captain Kirk or your grandmother they are there in the future."

T'Kel's eyes turned to saucers. "We can lie?"

Damn wasn't strong enough. She had fallen into a trap. "I specifically said that you may say they live in the future. They do. Notice I did not say they are living in your present. But they will believe they do."

Spock lifted an eyebrow and gave a nod of well done. Not just for the deftness in the answer, but for covering up the fact she had said they could lie, and then scrambled out of the snare.

Three mouths opened like baby birds to be fed. She bulldozed over it. "Next question, unless there isn't one. I prefer the latter."

She began rethinking her answer to the first one of did she want children. Illogical, of course, because she already had them.

The obvious exchange of glances warned her, but the question wasn't what she expected. And it floored Spock.

Setik puffed up in his pose of being the eldest. "We do think highly of Grandmother Amanda. Very." The looks went back and forth.

Saavik prompted them. "I agree with you. Is there a question?"

T'Pren voted herself to say it. "Etek ashau fa-komi."

Saavik's mouth tugged at a corner. Amanda's spell spread to the three more Vulcans in a matter of hours: they loved their grandmother.

"Of course you do. You should," she told them. "She deserves it, and you should tell her that as well."

T'Kel laid a hand on Spock's shoulder. "You did well, Father." As if he'd picked Amanda out. Or as if he got lucky in the mother lottery. The twins were capable of both thoughts.

He agreed with her. "I always thought so."

Saavik wondered if she was insulted over her children not saying they had done well in the motherhood department too.

She asked once more, "Is there a question?"

"Yes," Setik answered, his young voice solemn. "Are we disrespecting Grandmother Perrin because of how we are with Grandmother Amanda?"

Saavik moved back to sitting forward. She saw Spock actually struggle with what to say through his own stunned mind. "No, unquestionably not. One does not cancel the other. It is right that you treat Amanda this way. Perrin would tell you this herself if she was here."

"Mother," T'Pren hesitated. That was unusual for any of them. "Is that why you said we cannot go to Thieurrull, because we said we would rescue Grandmother Amanda, and Grandmother Perrin is at home? Because," she rushed now, "we are talking about it and we think we can answer that too."

Saavik caught her husband's eyes and gave a small shake of her head. He had done this for her the last time; now she would for him. A part of her did wonder: what answer could they have found, where Sarek was concerned, for both Amanda and Perrin alive at the same time?

"Tal-kam," she gently said, which was a Vulcan endearment, and then, "T'hya'thae." T'Pren's secret, ahtiá name. "As much as you and I want to save Grandmother Amanda, it is a portion of the amount that your father wants to do it. So. Do you believe he would act if he could?"

Three young faces turned to their father. The answer was obvious: Father would not say No if he did not have to do it. They had to sit and absorb that for a moment; they reached out to touch Spock.

Saavik let them have that second before she spoke again. "Do you have anything more to ask?"

They fired quick, hard glances between themselves. The reason was obvious: if they had no more questions, it would end the conversation. They would have to say goodbye to her.

"If not, I have some for you."

Controlled relief: they didn't have to say goodbye yet. They sat as they should in the chairs and waited with perfect behavior.

"The questions are about the man who captured you. Ones—" she raised her voice to say, overriding T'Kel, "you have not been asked. Did he wear a uniform?"

No, civilian clothes.

"His apparent age?"

They described it as Grandmother Perrin's age. Saavik had asked merely for the sake of full details.

"Did he say he was from somewhere such as the Contact or the diplomatic corps? Did he reference someone you know such as your grandfather?"

Breakthrough, albeit a small one. He had said Evan Porter, one of Grandfather's aides, was supposed to come talk to them, but he was ill. The man who took them did have a padd with the report on Porter calling out sick. It appeared authentic; it had the seal they were told to look for. Setik made sure.

The boy frowned, obviously thinking he should have done more.

Saavik asked next, "Did the man who came to your school dress like one of Sarek's or Spock's human aides?"

They grew up with diplomatic aides always around; they knew exactly what she meant. But no, this man wore informal clothing. He said it was because he had not expected to come for them and left his rooms in the Terran embassy without changing.

Except, Saavik knew, the diplomatic offices would have sent someone already working. They had more than enough staff to handle the situation without calling in someone who was off duty. The children, of course, wouldn't know all these details. Setik's explanation was logical for his age, and aides did arrive not dressed for the day at times, but only in emergency situations. The saboteur had done a good job of painting that for the children's naïve understanding.

What did that tell her? Saavik already had a few ideas; T'allendil currently chased down one. This new fact tied in well with it, except that her science officer reported she had to extend the search parameters. That meant the idea wasn't working.

It meant something else: she had to say goodbye to her children.

"For now," Saavik added when she told them so.

They got up from their chairs with only an intent reminder for her to check their list for ways to get her to the Enterprise. T'Pren suddenly moved forward, but T'Kel and Setik did the same so instantly after her that it looked as if they acted simultaneously.

They pressed their hands to the screen and Saavik could see their earnest faces in the spaces between their fingers. She spread her hand to cover the three of theirs and pressed back.

Too soon, they had to move away.

She switched to Old High Vulcan for privacy. "Husband."

Spock understood that was a sign she needed to talk with him. He told the children to wait by the door and answered in the same language. "I need to speak with you as well. Captain Kirk believes we all might benefit from a conference. I will give you the details when they are settled. I trust that will be shortly."

She told him of her upcoming staff meeting and how their best chance for immediate answers would be after that. He agreed and apparently thought that was what she had wanted to discuss. It wasn't.

"You played the recording of the children and McCoy from the cargo bay," she stated pointblank.

He obviously saw no reason to hesitate. "I did."

"Without consulting me or considering my thoughts on it."

He sat back and steepled his fingers. She sat forward and folded her hands on the desk. He said, "Different parties, out of their fears and anger over the current situation, demanded to meet and question the children. Neither you nor I would allow such an interrogation."

"You change the subject."

"I do not. I saw their reactions to the recording would belay any further demands to produce the twins and Setik for questioning, and so I played it. You can see the decision worked."

Now she pushed back. "However, I cannot see what would have happened if you had refrained from using the recording, and we allowed Shras and Sarek to settle the issue without it. We may have had the same end result. We will never know."

"Speculation on it is, therefore, illogical."

"What is illogical is you choosing to make this decision alone."

He frowned. "I am their father. I can make such decisions regarding them."

"You are also well aware that you are not a single parent. I was there and in communication with you. You should have consulted with me."

"For you to say no."

"Spock! You used the children's abduction for political purposes. Yes, I would have said no."

"Saavik, I did no such thing, and I am dissatisfied with a wife who would believe so."

Dangerous words. "I will not lower either of us to that discussion." Her shoulders suddenly dropped back to their normal line. "You may not have meant it, but the perception is there."

"To you," he insisted.

"To me," she admitted at last. "It does not make it untrue."

"Or true."

Neither of them was getting anywhere. They said nothing for a long moment. "Husband," she finally said, "agree that you will not use the recording again without discussing it or I will delete it. I should anyway. I will never need to report it to this Starfleet Command or my own."

He didn't reply right away, no doubt believing he had done no wrong and that agreeing with her sounded like an admittance of guilt.

He finally leaned forward. "You are their mother. I do not deny your equal right to make decisions for them. Would you agree I meant no political agenda?"

She let go of the remaining tightness. "Yes, of course."

"We have some agreement then."

"We have more than that." A spark of an entirely different nature lit her expression. "I continue to admire the red drapery."

"You are still the reason I changed my mind on marriage and parenthood."

She sat up straighter. She hadn't expected that. "As are you. Only you."

His eyes grew warm and his mouth moved to the small smile he reserved for her. She felt that awareness to her body that came to her only under his gaze.

"I will speak with you soon, aduna," he ended. "And Saavik? Check that list."

Saavik turned to the window next to her and all the warmth her husband just gave her sadly ebbed away. She also had no mate or children now to keep the memories at bay.

Little Cat, you must always watch the stars. You are like them, brave and bright. Look up. They all belong to you.

Saavik listened to T'Pren's words from those days on Hellguard: her eyes flicked up in her bowed head and she saw her stars outside her window.

Someday, Little Cat, I will get you out of her. I must find a way.

Here! Over here, Little Cat! Run! Run, Little Cat! We are going home!

Saavik's eyes moved to the spot she showed her children, her head still low and facing the floor from where she leaned forward over her clenched hands on her knees.

Home is that one, there, with all the others shining in the night.

She could find Vulcan in the sky within a second, no matter where she was. It was like they were magnets, always pulling toward each other. Vulcan and the stars and her.

But she had avoided thinking of that other spot; during the years, she found she could live (Live, Little Cat!) without thinking about that spot every day. That spot where a Quiet One had roared, "NO!" and then joined with the rest to take the death meant for her.

That spot where Spock had told her the truth, "Her name was T'Pren. No, she was not your mother, but she would have been. She would have searched the Universe for you."

Only Saavik's eyes moved again, this time to the last window across from her, to that spot.

I will come back for you, Little Cat!

Oh, forgive me, Little Cat…

Back then, on that day when she'd returned to Hellguard and destroyed it, she learned she had not created Thieurrull; she was not responsible for its existence or for T'Pren and the Quiet Ones dying there or the half-breeds like her suffering. The Romulans kept them all there. Back then.

Today, it was her.

Saavik's head fell and a tear splashed down on the carpet. "Forgive me," she whispered.