"Being on paid leave doesn't seem all that bad," Jay commented with a small smirk. He picked up his cup again and finished the last dregs of coffee that were lingering at the bottom of it. It had been a long day. When Erin wasn't at work with him it felt even longer. Especially when he spent the whole time thinking about her. "I feel like I could use it sometimes."

If she had been closer to him she probably wouldn't have slapped his arm. Erin returned the smirk, finishing her own cup quickly. There wasn't enough caffeine in the world to soothe her tired eyes. "Well, if you're down with getting shot at then I'm sure I can work something out for you."

He paused suddenly, realising the mistake that he had made in choosing those words. It had been a few weeks since the 'incident' but Jay knew that the wounds were still fresh. Metaphorically, that was. He was grateful that her actual injuries were healed enough for his partner to leave the house comfortably. "Sorry."

Erin half-smiled and shrugged. She would go back to work for free if it meant that she could have her life back. Whatever this was, it wasn't living. She knew that she wasn't making it any easier for herself. The one thing, or person rather, that made everything a little easier was Jay, and all that she had done since she had gotten out of the hospital was push him away. She couldn't help it. "Don't worry about it."

The brunette figured that she would have regained a little more normality in her life by now. Her stitches were finally out and the wound had long started to heal over. Her appetite was almost back too. At least, she could hold everything down. Wanting to eat, however, was another matter. Coffee was her favourite pastime these days. Erin had even managed - God knows how - to convince Hank to let her move back into her own apartment. It wasn't the same though. Nothing was the same. She hadn't gotten a decent sleep since the day that Jay had brought her lunch and sat with her on Hank's couch.

Erin couldn't even remember the last time that she had slept through the whole night. Hospital sedation aside, sleep evaded her. There was always something that was keeping her awake. There was always some terrible thought that would creep back into her mind when she least expected it. If it wasn't something keeping her up, then it was something that would edge itself into her dreams and force her eyes open again. The image of Nick lying on the ground had been burned into the back of the brunette's eyelids. The image of Nadia had been there for weeks. It didn't make it any easier though. They were both too young to be gone, and she had been given far too many second chances at life than she deserved. Erin could see them every single time that she closed her eyes. They followed her everywhere that she went. A part of her wasn't sure if they'd ever leave her.

The waitress walked by them again and refilled both of their cups with black liquid. Erin was grateful. Erin raised an eyebrow questioningly as the waitress smiled at Jay, holding eye contact with him for a few moments whereas she had barely glanced at the brunette. She had seen girls try and flirt with Jay left, right and centre since they had become partners. It didn't matter where they were. Erin had noticed it the minute that Jay had walked through the doors of the cafe. He had sparked the young waitress' interest immediately. She didn't blame her. She just could help but feel a twinge of jealousy when it happened. Jay, on the other hand, was just as blissfully unaware as he usually was.

"So," Jay changed the subject. He gave the waitress a small smile as she walked away. He was clueless. "When do you think that you'll be back at the district? Not that I want you back there any sooner than you need to be. It's just quiet without you. Everyone misses you."

Erin hadn't thought much about it. That was a lie. The thought crossed her mind constantly. The district was a mountain that she wanted to climb but the thought of having a gun by her side, or back in her hands again, was terrifying. Not that she was going to admit that to anyone if they asked her. She hadn't even considered bringing up a return to work with Voight. She missed the thrill and the satisfaction of being out on the job. She missed the routine. Erin knew how apprehensive her boss would be about it. It was practically a miracle that he had let her move back into her apartment so soon. If it were up to Voight, he would have her wrapped up in bubble wrap for the rest of her days.

Living independently was one thing. Work was a completely different matter. Being back in her own bed was great, regardless of the fact that she didn't do much sleeping, but being back in the line of fire wasn't something that she could just go straight back into so easily. The brunette knew that she was the type of person that tried to jump back in at the deep end instead of sitting behind her desk while she got back into the swing of things. She had never been rational like that. As much as she wanted to be back with her team though, Erin didn't know if she would be able to cope with it all.

"Soon," Erin replied. She would tell herself that until she started to believe it too. "Hopefully."

Jay nodded. He was glad that she had asked him to meet her. They had exchanged a few texts here and there but Erin had always been too dry for the conversation to survive. He didn't take it personally though. Jay wanted to support her but he didn't want to crowd her. He knew that she needed time and space to figure everything out on her own. The one thing that he didn't want was for her to push him away completely.

"Can I ask you a question?" He said suddenly, taking a drink of coffee as he thought through his next words.

"Sure," she laughed.

Jay sighed. "What is this?"

"Um," Erin furrowed her brows, confused. She motioned to the mug that was sitting on the table in front of her. "Coffee?"

He chuckled, glancing around the rest of the diner. "I mean, us."

"You know," she shrugged. "I don't really know. Is that such a bad thing though?"

"No," Jay replied, his lips tightening into a thin line. He looked down at his lap. "I've been thinking about this. About this all being too much. I came on too strong. I mean, I know that we have something, but if you really want to cool it off then I'm okay with that."

Erin let out a deep breath. "I'm sorry that I've been flaking out on you."

"You don't have to apologise."

"No," she shook her head. It was true. She felt guilty about what she had put Jay through. He never asked for any of this. It was hard enough seeing him cut up when she was in the hospital. He didn't deserve for her to be such a jerk. She just needed time and he cared too much. "You're just trying to help."

He reached over, gently placing his hand over her own. "Partners have each others' back."

Erin nodded slowly. Jay was everything that she needed and more. Why couldn't she just let herself have him. She turned her hand around, lacing her fingers through his own. They were warm and welcoming. His touch made her feel safer than she had in weeks.

"Can you do me a favour?"

"Anything."

"I need you to take me somewhere."

"Okay," he replied.

Jay didn't need to ask anything else. The details didn't matter to him. Erin stood up quickly, taking a quick swig of coffee before moving away from the table. Jay followed swiftly behind and slapped a note on top of the table, giving the waitress a small smile as they walked out of the diner. He wasn't worried about the change. Erin couldn't help but smirk slightly at the sight. She had noticed that waitress' face when she had been holding her partner's hand. Her disappointment was even more evident as the door closed behind them both.

Erin puffed her cheeks as she slid back into the passenger seat of the car before letting out the breath that she had been holding. Her face was red and nipping from the cold outside but she had barely noticed at all. Her shaking hands had been forced deep into her pockets and her beanie rested on top of her head just as it usually did. The sight of Jay in the driver's seat was strange. For a moment she could have forgotten about all of their problems and imagined that they were just out on another case. The blissful notion didn't last long at all.

"Are you okay?" Jay wasn't entirely sure what else he was supposed to say. The words had lost most of their past meaning to him. He had said the phrase more times in the past month to Erin than he had in his entire life. He knew that it was rough for her. He knew that she wasn't okay.

He placed a hand carefully on her thigh and she relaxed instantly at his touch. She hadn't even realised how tense she had been. The man next to her brought her back to reality as she nodded. "I'm better."

"Okay," Jay smiled. He was almost relieved. Of all the answers that she could have given him, being better was one of the greater ones. It was better than what he had hoped, that what he had expected. That was all he could really ask for.

"Thank you for bringing me here," she replied.

Cemeteries had never been one of Erin's favourite places. They always tended to set her a little on edge and the silence always made her uneasy. There weren't a lot of people there at that time of night. Her visit hadn't been long. It had taken her a few moments to find Nick's grave. She already knew where Nadia's was. She hated that she was already so familiar with it.

He shook his head. "Don't mention it. If you want me to come with you again then just call me."

"Okay."

Jay spoke suddenly, breaking the silence that had grown between them in the last few moments since Erin had replied to him. He gave her a soft smile. Life was hard enough for her right now. He wanted to cheer the brunette up. "So. If you're up for it - absolutely no pressure - we could swing by Molly's? I'm sure everyone would be glad to see you."

She thought for a few seconds. It would be good to see everyone. She had barely seen her friends since when she had been in hospital, nevermind when she had finally been discharged. Kim had stopped by a couple of times but Erin hadn't been in the mood for talking. She had gotten the message. Olinsky had come over one night to talk to Voight about something, and he had stayed for a nightcap. That was it. It wasn't any of their faults though. She had chosen to isolate herself. It was what she wanted.

Erin wanted to see them now. Just not tonight.

"I think I'm just going to head home," she shrugged. The brunette looked down at her partner's hand. It was still resting on top of her thigh. She couldn't look into his eyes. She would only be met with disappointment and she already felt guilty enough about everything.

"Okay," Jay nodded. He didn't expect her to say yes. He figured that it would have been a little too much but he couldn't help but take a chance. "I'll give you a ride."

Erin smiled softly. "Thanks."

The journey was quiet. It was strange for them both when Jay was behind the wheel. It was different but nice at the same time. Under a different set of circumstances he might have enjoyed himself, but he was struggling to keep his eyes on the road and off of his partner. Erin was staring intently out of the passenger side window; watching as the bright lights of the Chicago streets passed her by. Or rather, she watched as the car passed by the lights. She had always loved them. They made her feel calm. Like nothing else in the world mattered. The nagging thoughts in the back of her mind never took long to arise and disturb her peace though.

The minutes that it took to get back to her apartment passed by quickly. They were both grateful for that much.

"I'll see you soon?" Jay asked. If it were up to him then he would be seeing her every day again. If it were up to him then he wouldn't be phrasing his sentence as a question.

Erin hesitated. The words that she really wanted to say to her partner were getting stuck in her throat. "Do you want to come inside?"

Jay frowned. "Are you sure?"

Erin nodded. "Yeah."

The corners of his mouth twitched upwards as she replied. The brunette opened the door of the car and slid out of her seat, her feet landing on the smooth pavement that lay outside of her apartment. Jay followed her actions, locking the car swiftly behind him. The walk up the stairs was as silent as the car ride had been but neither of them felt uncomfortable. Erin fumbled with her set of keys, pushing one finally into the door and opening it.

There were a few empty takeout containers still lying on her kitchen counter but Jay pretended not to notice them. A twinge of guilt hit him. He should have been making sure that she was taking care of herself.

"We could find a movie to watch if you want?" Jay broke the silence just as he had earlier.

The brunette slid of her coat, throwing it over the arm of her couch and turning to face him. She ran a hand through her hair. "Sure."

She looked more tired than ever. Jay knew that she probably wouldn't make it through any film. "Or we could just lay down for a little while? You look like you could do with the rest."

Erin sighed. It was like he had read her mind. "That sounds perfect."

"How have you been sleeping?"

"Honestly," the brunette shrugged. "I haven't really been doing much sleeping."

Jay frowned. "Erin. You should have said something."

"It's fine," Erin said, attempting to brush it off. "But laying down sounds great right about now."

He tilted his head to the side, staring into his partner's tired eyes for a second as a thought came to mind. It was the best idea that he had had for a long time, but he couldn't help but worry that she would knock him down if he brought it up. "When I brought you lunch at Voight's a few weeks back - how did you sleep then?"

"Great," she replied honestly, though frowned slightly at the randomness of the question. "Why?"

He took a step towards his partner, taking her hand in his own and smiling softly. He pulled her towards the bedroom. He had an idea.

"Jay," Erin sighed. "I'm not in the mood. Please."

He chuckled. "Get your mind out of the gutter. Just come with me."

"Jay," she persisted, but he ignored her.

As they came closer to the bed, he finally stopped - taking his jacket off and pulling his t-shirt over his head. She frowned again but watched intently.

"Put this on," he said, handing her the shirt and turning away from her.

Erin walked over to the other side of the bed. She wasn't a shy person. She just couldn't help but glance over her shoulder and she pulled of her own t-shirt. In her life, she had gathered dozens of scars - they were war wounds littered across her body - but there was something about her newest one that made her stomach turn. It was a scar that she never should have gotten. It was a reminder of the fact that she had let someone else die. It was a reminder that it was all her fault. Jay didn't need to see that.

She slid down her jeans slowly and stepped away from them, glancing over her shoulder again. Jay was gazing outside of her window, waiting for permission to turn back around again. She winced slightly at the coldness of the wooden floor beneath her feet. Erin pulled on his shirt, breathing in the smell of the deodorant that was lingering on the fabric. It was one of her favourite smells.

"You can look now," she said quietly, her voice no more than a whisper.

Jay tried not to stare for too long after he turned back around. His eyes were drawn to her bare legs but he forced them upwards quickly. The moved towards the bed without saying anything else. Jay pulled the covers back and lay down without a second thought. It took Erin a moment to follow him. He reached an arm out and she finally took a step forward.

As soon as she was on the bed, she brought her head down to rest on Jay's bare chest. It was warm, and welcoming. She could hear the slow, steady beat of his heart. It was comforting. Her breathing subconsciously started to follow the same pattern. Jay let his hand fall on top of her head gently, running his fingers through her hair.

"Try and sleep," Jay said. "For me. Please."

Erin couldn't argue with him. She took a deep breath, settling into Jay's touch, and closed her eyes.

Sorry that it's taken me so long to update. I'm working on a lot of projects at the moment. Thank you for reading! I really appreciate the support. Leave me a review if you feel inclined. It's super encouraging when you get feedback.