And I know that it's a wonderful world, but I can't feel it right now

I thought that I was doin' well; but I just wanna cry now.

Wonderful World - James Morrison

Life is lonely when everyone that made each day pass with a smile is on the other side of the world singing their hearts out. I'm not going to lie, I was bored, and disappointed at what life was throwing at me. It had only been a week since they had left and I've found myself throwing myself into my work more, doing even better at My studies an actually making an effort of making new friends. No really, I, Mitchie Torres now had friends outside the gray brothers. Hard to believe, I know.

But here I was, returning from a night out with the girls (and guy), my feet aching and my ears ringing from the music as I stumbled into my apartment, a little bit buzzed. Okay, I know I'm underage but some kind men at the bar offered to buy us 'pretty ladies' a drink, rejecting that would just be rude. And I for one was not a rude person.

Well, not all the time anyway. I had to admit, I had had fun tonight, it beat sitting at home watching back to back re run with whatever the hell the TV had to offer me, and binging on food that would no doubt make me a little bit more obese as each day passed. Besides, it was nice to take my mind off of how much I was missing Shane (and the other two, but mainly Shane). I ignored the beeping of my answer machine, indicating that Shane had no doubt left me various messages throughout the night as I dragged myself up the stairs, falling over several times as I carried my heels in my hands. I was already coming down from my alcohol induced high as I threw myself onto my bed, not bothering changing as my head began to pound to the extent I could hear it. I groaned, my hands reaching for the nearest pillow as I put it over my face, the cold surface cooling down my flustered cheeks. Eugh, remind me why I drank tonight again?

"Oh c'mon Mitch, just turn on your laptop, this is the only free time I'm going to have for a couple of days, I want to see your face, I miss you" I rolled my eyes as Shane begged down the phone to me, not giving the subject up. He wanted to video chat. It was 4am. Four fucking am. Why am I awake you ask? I'll tell you, because the idiot that I call my boyfriend forgot the current time difference and thought it was 8 in the evening, how very wrong he was. I groaned as I tried to wake up, mentally cursing Shane as I could have had another 4 hours of potential sleep.

"Shane" I whined, my voice tired "it's four in the morning and I look like shit"

"Baby, you always look beautiful to me, please"

I sighed in defeat as I pulled my laptop off of the side, waiting as it booted up, my body slowly becoming more and more alert. I opened video chat to see Shane already online waiting for me. I double clicked on his username as I brushed my hair with my fingers, trying to make myself look the slightest bit presentable, even though I knew there was no point. I cringed as my webcam turned on, my face popping up on my screen, my eyes had remnants of the day before's make up where I had unsuccessfully removed my mascara, my skin pale and my hair sticking up at all directions. If this didn't make Shane question why he loved me, I don't know what would.

"Morning beautiful" Shane's voice echoed through the speakers of my laptop as he shot me one of his million dollar smiles. He looked absolutely perfect…as always. "I've missed you." he added sincerely

"I miss you too" more than I would ever let on. Apparently looking like a stalker isn't attractive.

"How are you? You look a little pale" He leant towards the camera, obviously taking a better look at my face on his laptop screen

"Shane, is that a polite way of telling me that I look like shit?" I asked half jokingly, half ready to bite his head off if he said the wrong thing.

"What?" he exclaimed "No, no, no. Of course not, you know I think you look beautiful no matter what. It's just, are you feeling okay?"

I sighed, blinking a few times quickly "I'm okay, just been feeling a little off colour the past few hours, I think I may have cooked something dodgy"

"Aww babe" he cooed "This is why you don't cook often"

I rolled my eyes, what a bitch. I cooked all the time and never gave myself food poisoning "Well who else is going to supply me with food whilst you're away?"

"Paolo's pizza place" Shane replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world

"Unlike you Shane, I couldn't live off of take outs everyday of the week, I'm not a bum"

Shane gasped, clutching his chest "Ouch Mitch, that hurt. You're feisty when you're sleep deprived"

I never did get back to sleep as Shane wouldn't stop talking until I had to get ready for class, and even then he begged me to ditch. The offer was tempting, I'd give him that. I felt like death warmed up and I would have done anything to just stay in bed and sleep the day away, but I couldn't, I had a stupid class that I had to attend. Class went by slowly as usual, the same professor talking for the entire two hours in his monotone voice about something I just didn't give a crap about. I sighed in relief as the clock struck eleven, literally dashing out of the classroom as quickly as my tired body would let me, knowing that my bed was only a matter of minutes away.

I took a few deep breaths as I tried to steady myself against the wall, numerous busy students racing past me at a million miles per hour trying to make their next class on time. I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds, trying to push away the uneasy feeling I was experiencing, the urge to run to the nearest bathroom overwhelming. I groaned as it felt like my stomach was churning like a washing machine, my head throbbing and my body completely exhausted, despite the twelve hours sleep I had got the night before. I continued walking slowly down the corridor, feeling more and more light headed with each step I took, before I couldn't handle it any longer, I picked up the pace, dashing for the nearest bathroom as I threw myself into a cubicle locking it behind me. I fell to my knees as I gripped the toilet seat, not caring how many potential diseases I may catch as a result as I emptied the contents of my stomach into the pan. Well isn't this lovely, this has to be one of my favourite past times, I kid you not. I mean who doesn't enjoy throwing up in the middle of college, knowing that you'd be heard by various other people. By the time I could bring myself to leave the bathroom, the muscles around my stomach ached, a sweat forming on my forehead. I glanced at the mirror quickly on my way out, my face as white as a sheet, my eyes sunken from the lack of sleep I got the night before. Sexy.

As soon as I let myself into the house I collapsed on the sofa, my body not possessing enough energy to make it up the stairs. Ugh, its official, I am never going to cook again. Never. Why would I subject myself to feeling this shit? I shut my phone off; not wanting any interruptions from anyone as sleep quickly overtook my body. I just prayed to god that I would feel better when I woke.

Day three of feeling absolutely lousy and I've ruled out the possibility of my dodgy cooking giving me food poisoning. I Didn't have the flu, and I don't think whatever this is, is terminal (at least I really hope its not). All I know is that I am currently sprawled on my bathroom floor, my face as white as paper as my hair stuck up in numerous directions, but mainly to my face. It wasn't pretty. It was repulsive. I clung on to the porcelain bowl of the toilet, my knuckles white as I gripped on for dear life, my stomach feeling uneasy, when my cell rang from beside me.

"Hello" I answered groggily as I managed to remove my head from the toilet, strands of hair still sticking to my lips.

"Mitchie!" Nate exclaimed excitedly causing me to wince at the sound of his voice "How is my favourite girl doing recently, I'm sorry that it's been a few days since any of us called, it's been absolutely hectic" I got off of my knees and sat cross legged, my back leaning against the wall as I let out a deep breath trying to ease the churning feeling in my stomach.

I groaned "not amazing. I'm ill"

"What? You never get ill…"

"I know, for the past like I don't know…3 days I've woken up and just thrown up constantly. I'm more tired, but by the afternoon I feel absolutely fine again, it's weird. I don't think it's food poisoning or a virus."

I waited for Nate to reply on the other end of the line but several seconds passed and all I heard was silence. "Nate?" I prompted

I heard Nate exhale deeply on the other end of the phone.

"Mitch now please don't get weirded out by this question but when do you normally come on for…you know" I furrowed my eyebrows together, why on earth was Nate asking me about periods? God this kid was strange.

"Around the 10th, why?" I replied, not understanding the reasoning's behind his question

"Mitch..." he replied slowly "today's the seventeenth. Are you sure that this sickness isn't down to anything else?"

My eyes went wide at the realisation of what he was saying "No, no, NO! I cannot be pregnant. There's no way...' I laughed in disbelief, Nate sure was a joker.

I heard a door shutting, Nate obviously excusing himself from the earshot of anybody else "Are you sure? So you're on birth control and that? And Shane used a condom?" his voice was serious, he actually meant it.

I put one hand on my head, the urge to throw up the contents of my stomach returning. Fuck my life. I sighed, "No I'm not on the pill, before that night I didn't have any reason to be on it" and that was the truth, why take something I don't need?

"Then please for the love of god tell me that Shane stuck something on the end of it" he whisper shouted.

"I-I-I don't know!" I exclaimed, my head spinning as emotions were starting to get the better of me, tears brimming my eyes. "It just happened you know, we were too wrapped up in the moment...I can't remember Nate' my voice began to crack as it all became too much to comprehend.

What if I was pregnant, what would I do? I couldn't ruin Shane's career with this. If the press caught on that his new girlfriend of a matter of weeks manages to seduce him and get pregnant they would have a field day. The band would be over. I couldn't be the reason for that.

Oh god what would our parents say... Oh god. Just no.

"Mitchie, you need to go and get a test, put your mind at rest, and if you aren't-great. If you are then well all sort it out together"

"You can't tell Shane! Don't tell Shane…not yet!" My voice was desperate as I begged Nate.

"I won't" he promised "Look I'm going to get Jason to make Keisha pick you up so you're not alone okay? And you call me as soon as you know. Whatever happens know that I love you and it'll be okay."

I sniffled back the tears as I nodded, mentally cursing myself as I realised he couldn't see that "Okay, love you Nate"

"Love you too Mitch" I closed my eyes as I was greeted by the dialling tone, when the fuck did my life turn to shit?

I shakily picked myself off of the floor, my limbs feeling heavy, my head throbbing as I dragged myself to the sink, splashing cold water on my face. I grabbed the nearest comb, brushing through the endless knots entangled in my hair, and slung on some new sweats. I was not in the mind set prior to the phone call to make an effort for anything or anyone.

Now was not any different.

I waited patiently on my porch step, phone in hand as I waited for Keisha, the cool January breeze causing my skin to break out in goose bumps, regardless of the layers I was currently wearing. Not even ten minutes later I heard a car pull up in front of me. My gaze slowly rising to meet the concerned look of one of my best friends.

She rushed up the pathway as I continued to sit frozen to the spot, the lack of energy and my brain over processing giving me no reason to move from my current spot.

"Mitch" she knelt down beside me, the wind blowing her hair across her face as she looked at me through worried eyes "What's happened, Jason told me that Nate wanted me here as soon as possible, that we need to go to the pharmacy or something"

I closed my eyes momentarily and nodded "Yeah" I breathed, just above a whisper. I felt my body jerk slightly as I realised I was crying, tears running freely down my cheeks.

"Seriously Mitchie, you're worrying me, what's happened? You know you can tell me anything" she got up, extending her hand towards me as I accepted, hoisting myself into a standing position as I just wrapped my arms around her. Sobs racking through me.

"I have potentially fucked up everything Kay, like legit ruined everything" I mumbled into her jacket, my breathing heavy. I pulled away slowly, raising my head to look at her, as she had a good five inches height advantage "I-I may be p-pregnant" I stuttered out, her eyes going wide as soon as the words had left my lips

"W-what? How is that even possible you and Shane haven't even…" She didn't know, neither did Jason, or anyone besides Nate for that matter, the minute after Nate confronted me on Christmas day I forced Shane to put his ring back on and keep everything quiet, telling him that now simply wasn't the time to cause unwanted press coverage on our private life's, not when they have a tour and a new album to be promoting.

I bit my lip and winced slightly, she caught on "What! When the hell was this…" her tone was soft, she wasn't angry, just surprised

"Christmas eve…and maybe a couple of times after" She nodded slowly, trying to understand everything I was telling her, as she pulled me towards her car.

"Let's get you a test, no point wasting time" I wordlessly got in her car, as she sped down the road to the local chemist. I stared out the window, watching numerous houses and trees pass me buy before looking to the sky, wondering if Shane could sense something was up.

I felt a hand on my shoulder as I continued to keep my eyes shut tightly, not wanting to look at the White stick in my hand. "Mitch it's time"

My breathing became heavier and heavier as my heart began to race in my chest, the stick I would clamp my eyes on in a matter of seconds hand the potential of deciding my future forever. I was barely 19,I wasn't ready for that shit.

I nodded taking a sharp intake of breath my eyes opening slowly, my eyes finding their way to the stick.

"We need to take another test" I said hurriedly, whipping my head around to look at Keisha who was sitting in the corner, her expression anxious.

"What, why?" she asked, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion.

"Because this one is broken!" I exclaimed loudly, throwing the test across the bathroom as it hit the wall, only a metre or so away from her. I buried my head in my hands and took a deep breath "We need another one, it's broken" I repeated more calmly.

I heard her get up off of the tiled floor, picking up the test and sitting beside me "Mitch, Mitch look at me" I didn't budge, I wanted to curl up into a ball, and die.

Or maybe just wake up and realise that the past few hours have just been one massive nightmare, and that I'd wake up laughing. Yeah, that has to happen.

"Mitchie. Look. At. Me." her voice was demanding as I pulled my head out of my lap, hair stuck to my face as a result of the endless flow of tears and sweat. I couldn't get more attractive if I tried. "It's positive, you're pregnant". And just like that I felt my world literally crash around me, like a ton of bricks had been poured onto my body. Truth is, I knew the outcome a couple of minutes ago, but it didn't feel real, my eyes had obviously been deceiving me, but then Keisha had to confirm the worst possible news.

Don't get me wrong, a baby was always a blessing, something to show the love between two people, but the timing… the timing was awful. I always imagined having kids with Shane, ever since the moment I realised I was head over heels in love with him, but I imagined us being married, being a few years older, more mature, responsible. Not 19, still in college, unwed with the vows that we would try and abstain from sex until marriage. There was one thing about the media finding out that Shane had broken his vow, but it's another finding out that he broke his vow and got me pregnant. It would damage his career, it would lose all credibility for the band and what they stood for, and I couldn't be the reason for that. I just…couldn't. I'd never forgive myself and I couldn't have Shane grow to resent me and the baby.

All I could do was nod, my body unable to do anything else as I looked at Keisha blankly. "What are you going to do?" she asked, as overwhelmed as me.

"Keep it" that was a no brainer, there was no way that I could abort my baby. No way.

"You've got to tell Shane, you've got to get over to England, now."

"No" I shrieked "Just no. I can't tell Shane yet….I need Nate" I sobbed, I needed Nate, he'd fix things for me, he didn't get me pregnant. He wouldn't hate me, at least I don't think he'd hate me. Keisha didn't know what to do, and I can't say I blame her, hell, I didn't know what to do. She pulled out her cell from her pocket, quickly dialling a number she had grown familiar to over the years and passed the phone to me. My shaky hands grasped the phone as I put it to my ear, waiting anxiously for the call to connect.

"Ugh, hello" a groggy voice answered, shit, I glanced at the clock, realising that with the time difference, it was little after two in the morning.

"Shit Nate, I'm sorry, I'll call back later" I stuttered out, my voice cracking left, right and centre as I rubbed my free hand up and down my leg.

I went to hang up when I heard rustling on the other end of the line, a voice interrupting me "No, No! I'm here talk" he began, his voice now a lot more awake

"Ugh Nate will you shut the fuck up" I heard Shane grumble in the background, obviously still half asleep. I couldn't help but let a tiny smile pull at my lips as I imagined him in his half conscious state, looking adorable as per usual.

"Shhh, go back to sleep Shane, think of Mitchie"

"Mmm Mitchie" he mumbled to which I rolled my eyes. My boyfriend was such a loser.

"Hold on a sec, I'm just going to switch rooms" I nodded, knowing full well he couldn't see me as I sat silently, tears every now and then rolling down my cheeks as I waited for Nate to respond "Mitch, you still there?" his voice broke the silence, causing me to jump slightly.

I let out a tired sigh, my body ready for many hours of undisturbed sleep "Yeah, I'm still here" unfortunately. I added in my head.

"So, did you…you know…" Nate began, unsure of what to say or even how to word his thoughts.

"Take the test?" I finished his sentence for him to which he mumbled a yes in response "Yeah I have".

"And? He prompted as I went silent.

I looked over my shoulder to notice that Keisha had left the room to give me some privacy. I took a sharp in take of breath as the words left my lips. "Congratulations Nate, you're going to be an uncle" I rubbed my temple with my free hand, the crying and over thinking giving me a pounding headache.

"Fuck" he muttered. Yes Nate, fuck indeed, a fuck is what got me into this mess. "Are you alright?"

"Well that's a stupid question Nate, even for you, what do you think?" I snapped, my tone blunt "I'm sorry" I quickly apologised. "No I'm not alright Nate, everything is so messed up, and I don't know what to do"

"I wish I knew what to say Mitch, I really do, but the only thing I do know is that you've got to tell my brother"

"No!" I exclaimed loudly "No Nate, I can't! I can't tell him!" I felt tears fall from my eyes for the millionth time today as I practically pleaded to Nate.

"He has a right to know Mitchie!" he practically shouted in response

"Don't you think I know that? But you've got to understand Nate, I can't tell him now, I just can't. I can't be the one you all blame this on. The only thing I've wanted for years and years is for Shane to be mine, and I've finally got that. What would you be like if I just dropped this massive bombshell on you that I was carrying your baby? And don't say happy Nate, because that's bullshit, you'd be scared shitless and you would want to do a runner. Not to mention the fact that you're all in a famous band, imagine what would happen if the press caught wind of this? Your credibility would plummet, the celibate band with the front man who is going to become a dad? Yeah because that sounds right! He'd resent me, you're all going to resent me, and I can't have that. I can't ruin this for you." I was breathing heavily by the end of my mini rant, the urge to punch a wall, overwhelming.

Nate didn't reply for a couple of minutes, knowing that every word I had spoken was right "we wouldn't resent you Mitchie, you mean too much to us, Shane loves you, I love you, Jason loves you"

"You say that now, but when you're hounded by paparazzi and reporters interrogating you, and when not so pleasant articles are published about you guys, I'm sure that won't be the case"

He exhaled deeply as I could just imagine him running his hand through his curly hair "I'm not going to lie to you Mitchie, we would get an ear full, but at the end of the day, you mean so much more to us than everything else." I mumbled an incoherent response knowing that I was right, and no matter how much I protested that I would be getting the same reply.

"I want you on the next flight over here" Nate ordered, his voice forceful yet soft.

I shook my head "no Nate, I'm not going anywhere" Truth was, that I would run to the airport bare foot if it meant that I could be with them, to just have Shane hold me in his arms, for Nate to fix things, and for Jason to make me laugh. But it was better if I stayed here, I was a liability. You know what they say; out of sight, out of mind.

"Look, I'm not taking no for an answer, I've already booked you on a flight, you will be at the airport in 6 hours time and you will board that flight. If I don't see you on British soil in 16 hours time, I will hunt you down."

I sighed in defeat letting my heart take control over my head "Okay."

"And we're going to talk about this"

"Okay" highly unlikely Nate, no offence but I would be quite happy if we don't mention this again for…I don't know…another 8 months? And even then I still don't think I will want to. I appreciate your determination though.

"And we'll work out what to do next" Nate added

"Okay" I responded again. My voice bored.

"And you will tell Shane"

"Okay" No. God no. Not going to happen, not until I am the size of a house and there is no way of hiding this fucked up situation.

"Brilliant" he concluded "Now go pack and get some rest, I'll see you soon okay? I love you, never forget that. Never"

I closed my eyes momentarily leaning against the porcelain toilet, wanting to burst out into tears again at just how amazing Nate was being. Why wasn't he angry? Why wasn't he disappointed? I wanted him to shout at me, to let me know that this situation was fucked up. But he didn't, he was there for me, and for that I was lucky "Okay. I love you too" I mumbled my goodbyes and hung up, slowly dragging myself up of the floor as every part of me felt heavy and in desperate need of rest. Keisha was waiting patiently in the living room, her expression telling me she was deep in thought as I handed her phone back thanking her. I told her what was happening next and echoed what Nate had told me minutes before.

Tell Shane, figure out what to do now, get some rest.

Yes mother 2. She left me alone in the oversized apartment after helping me pack a small suitcase, telling me she'd come pick me up in a couple of hours to drive me to the airport.

I hauled myself upstairs, wordlessly crawling into bed, knowing that I probably looked and smelt like a walking piece of crap, but I couldn't care less.

I closed my eyes letting sleep over take me. I was tired. I was tired of the endless drama being thrown my way, all I had wanted for years was to be loved by Shane, to be part of a relationship like millions of other teenage couples, but nothing ever went my way did it?

Dear Mitchie,

I hope you haven't got accustom to you and Shane being together yet, because it may just be ripped away from you very soon. Lots of Love,

A fucked up form of Karma.

Hey guys, here is chapter 10. I've been working on the M rated one shot for over a month on and off and I don't want it to be lame or cheesy so it may be a while still, but hopefully it will be posted. Thank you for all of your reviews, I don't know why but I'm just not getting as many as I used to. It disheartens me, because I spend like 12 hours straight each time planning, writing and editing a chapter for you guys. I put off studying and work :/

Anyway if any of you have twitter, add me. My username is xolp

Also check me out on JBFA, I have a new story called 'Open your eyes' which is my main focus at the moment, its getting an update about 2-3 times a week. Check it out username: xxhellolovely