"Do you ever get the feeling that you're just a small nail on this Earth?"

I stare at Haruhi. Her home is on the way to mine, so I walked with her. As we stood before a train crossing, she sprung this surprisingly poignant question on me.

She answered her own question:

"I have, and I'll never forget it.

"When I was in sixth grade, I went with my family to see a baseball game. I was shocked to see so many people all around me. The whole stadium was packed with so many people that they looked like small grains of rice moving about. I had thought the whole nation had gathered there at that point.

"So I asked my dad how many people were at the stadium. My dad said it was full that day, so maybe around fifty thousand?

"I was stunned. There were so many people here, yet they were only a tiny fraction of the whole nation. I read in geography class that Japan had a population of a hundred million. So I did some mental math. I found out that fifty thousand was only one out of two thousand of the total population.

"I was stunned again. I was only a small part of so many people in the stadium, and this many people were in turn merely one out of two thousand of the whole nation.

"Before that, I had always felt myself to be special. I was happy with my family. I believed that I was with the world's most interesting people in my class.

"Yet, from that time on, I realized things weren't like that. The experiences I had in school, that I thought were the happiest things in the world, turned out to exist in every school. This was nothing special.

"I wasn't special. Not one bit.

"When I discovered that, the whole world around me lost its color. I found it extremely boring when I realized all these things are all part of a person's ordinary life. I believe that since there are so many people in this world, there has to be someone who is living an extraordinary, exciting life.

"But why isn't that person me?

"So when I entered junior high, I decided to change myself. I wanted to let the world know that I'm not a girl who will only sit and wait. I believe I've tried my best. But everything is still the same. And now I'm in high school, still hoping for something to change."

Her eyes never leave me throughout her spiel. Her brown pupils remained focused on me. They're asking me for something. Anything.

The rumbling passage of a train gives me time to think it over. Should I ask more about this heartfelt admission? Was there a philosophical answer that would please her?

I said:

.

Is that so?

.

I couldn't believe I practically dismissed her heartfelt speech. I called Asakura heartless, but it looks like I'm the one without a heart.

Haruhi had been holding her hair throughout the train's passage. She broke our eye contact to glare at the path ahead. "Let's go!" she told me.

I could reach home faster if I followed her. But her back was silently telling me "Don't follow me! I mean it this time! I let you off the hook yesterday, but I won't forgive you if you push your luck today!"

So I stayed where I was and watched Haruhi walk off. And when she disappeared from my sight, I asked myself:

Just what the hell have I been doing all along?

.

"Hi, Kyon-kun."

When I came home, I found Koizumi Itsuko waiting at the door.

"Can we meet after school? I'd like to take you to see a place."

.

Not Quite What I'd Expected

A Suzumiya Haruhi No Yuutsu Fan Fic

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Disclaimer

Haruhi is not mine. So is A Certain…

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Rant

Thundere! Thundere! Thundere! Nyan!

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Chapter Ten

A Certain Psychic Oneesama

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I immediately agree with Koizumi's request. The idea was to get her out of my way as soon as possible so I can get on with my morning ablutions.

That was a mistake on my part. Koizumi is so delighted by my cooperation that she actually waited for me to bathe and change so that she could walk with me to school. That meant my sister saw her as I went out the door.

"Who is she, Kyon? Is she your girlfriend?"

No, she's a fellow club member.

"Oh. Hello!"

"Hello, there," Koizumi greets my sister. "You must be Kyon's sister."

She has a proper name, you know. So do I.

"I'm sure they're wonderful names. Shall we go, then?"

Aren't you going to ask me what my real name is? Hey! Come back here!

Koizumi is a transfer student from Kouyouen High Scool. Kouyouen is an elite all-girls school for the rich and famous at the bottom of the hill, just in front of the train station. It's one of the top schools in university entrance rates in this prefecture.

She still wears her Kouyouen uniform to school. Koizumi says she has yet to receive her North High sailor uniform. She always sticks out in a crowd of North High students, a misplaced parochial school girl in the midst of sailor scouts, what with the long sleeves of her black blazer masking her arms from shoulder to wrist, an equally black skirt whose pleats ripple with every step she takes, black knee-high stockings that tightly clad her slim legs and the earth-brown bow upon her white-collared neck.

Just so you and I understand each other, I am not going into detail about Koizumi's outfit because I have a fetish for parochial school girl uniforms or because I'm interested in Koizumi herself. Her clothes are simply that different from my usual fare, and she wears them with an aplomb that rivals Asakura.

We reach school in time. "I will see you at the gate after school, Kyon-kun!" Koizumi bids me as she runs off to her class.

More fuel to the fire. Good grief.

.

"Kyon-kun?"

It's lunch break. Asakura approaches me coyly. I'm relieved to see her in proper clothes. I've seen enough of her almost-naked body these past few days to last me a lifetime. Besides, the North High uniform has charms of its own.

I repeat: This is not because I have a bigger fetish for sailor uniforms than parochial school uniforms. Or a fetish for school uniforms in general.

What is it, Asakura?

"You aren't eating lunch today?"

I know what's coming. We choreographed this beforehand to make it look as simple and ordinary as possibly. If my classmates found out that I slept at Asakura's apartment with Asakura herself, plus Nagato and Haruhi…

And by 'slept' I mean real honest-to-goodness sleeping, not… well, you know…

So I lied and spun a story about waking up late, hurrying to school in order to avoid being late, and thus forgetting to get my allowance from my parents this morning.

"Oh. Then would you like to share my lunch with me?" Asakura holds up a large lunch box lovingly wrapped in navy blue cloth. "I accidentally made too much for myself this morning. You can have some of it if you like."

Yes!

Earlier this morning, I had peeked on Asakura while she was in the kitchen preparing breakfast. I wanted to see what kind of boxed lunch she would make for me. I managed to get a heavenly whiff of eel. Only then had I realized that she might actually make a great wife…

And then Asakura caught me. Or rather, she knew I was going to peek in on her, so she let me poke my head through the doorway long enough to get a single sniff of rapture. Then she playfully chased me out of the kitchen. "It's supposed to be a secret," she had scolded me before closing the door.

At least she fended me off with a spatula instead of a cleaver. And she wore clothes beneath the apron.

As expected, our classmates gushed.

"Wow!"

"Class Rep made a lunch box for Kyon?"

"Aw… that's so cute…"

"Kyon, you lucky dog!"

That last would be Taniguchi, by the way.

Asakura shows off by making the act of unfolding a boxed lunch's cloth cover mesmerizing in all her demureness.

Wow, she used an old-fashioned wooden box that probably dates back to the Tokugawa Shogunate.

She lifts the lid. I was right. She cooked eel. And– are those tortoise eggs? That's expensive stuff!

"Please help yourself to them!" Asakura invites me.

Thanks! Hmm, I seem to be missing something– or someone…

"Woah!"

"It's that first year!"

"Where are her eyeglasses?"

"Kyon, you lucky dog!"

Taniguchi has no imagination whatsoever.

Nagato has just entered our classroom. She manages to somehow look smaller than the three cans of juice drinks gathered in her arms. This interesting optical illusion is doubled since she isn't hiding behind eyeglasses anymore.

My classmates move out of her way. Only Asakura stays put as she approaches us.

Nagato wordlessly gives me a can of juice. Then she deigns to glance at Asakura.

Asakura strains to keep her smile up.

Nagato reluctantly offers her one of the remaining cans in her arms.

"Why, thank you, Nagato-san," Asakura lies.

"You're welcome."

Yes, Vulcans lie, and so can Nagato, apparently. I'd hate to play poker with her.

Immediately our audience gushes anew.

"Uwaaah!"

"They're cooperating!"

"Kyon's harem is complete!"

"Kyon, you lucky dog!"

Taniguchi is starting to sound like a broken record. And what's this about a harem again? Good grief!

I sigh. At times like this I could usually feel Haruhi's eyes boring into my back. I glance over my shoulder.

Her seat is empty.

Why do I feel that way, too?

.

Haruhi doesn't attend this afternoon's meeting, either. Her absence means there's no club activities today. I tell the others to go home. Asahina-san accedes immediately. I think she's relieved that she won't be stripped today. But, being the sweet heart that she is, she still worries about Haruhi.

"Did anything happen to her yesterday, Kyon-kun?"

.

"You're a breasts man, aren't you, Kyon?"

"I have great breasts, too, you know! Let me show you!"

"Here! Take a real good look! There's no viewing fee!"

"Mmm… Kyon…"

"But I'm full..."

"Kyon…"

.

No, Asahina-san. Nothing happened at all.

"I see… well, take care, then..."

I will, Asahina-san.

... I can't believe I lied to sweet Asahina-san.

But it's the truth. Nothing happened between us.

Right?

.

As usual, Asakura and Nagato accompany me to the gate. To say they did not take well to seeing Koizumi waving at me was an understatement.

"I will be borrowing Kyon-kun for the afternoon." Koizumi bows. "I apologize for imposing on you, Asakura-san, Nagato-san."

Don't worry, you guys. I'll be back.

Asakura and Nagato reluctantly accede to Koizumi's request. "If a girl truly loves a boy," Asakura admits, "She'll let him go, because if he truly loves her, he'll come back."

I'm not going to touch that comment with a ten-foot-pole.

And even while this happens, I glance around me, looking, waiting for a shrill "Kyon, you stupid idiot! Now you have three girls with you?"

But Haruhi never appeared.

.

A taxi is waiting for us. Koizumi tells the driver to go to a large city outside the prefecture. She's paying.

So what is the promise you said you were going to keep?

"Didn't you tell me you wanted to see proof of my Esper powers? Now is the chance to do so. That's why I wanted you to come with me."

Is there any need to travel so far?

"Yes. I can only use my powers in specific places and under certain conditions. The place we're heading to fits those conditions."

Koizumi then blabs about a whole lot of complicated nonsense involving Haruhi and something called the Anthropic Principle. She honestly believes Haruhi is a goddess or something to that effect.

So does Nagato and Asakura, now that I think of it. And Asahina-san thinks the same. Or something that is close enough to fit.

We stop at a typical local metropolis. The taxi driver drove off without charging us. Koizumi and I walk over the white lines of a zebra crossing.

So what is it that you wanted to show me by taking me here, Koizumi?

"There's still time for you to change your mind."

I'm already here anyway, so cut to the chase.

"Okay, then."

And Koizumi takes my hand.

I groan. Not you, too?

"Why, whatever do you mean?"

I thought you were only pretending to be interested in me.

"I am. Pretending, that is."

I do not trust you at all.

"That's too sad. But can I ask you to trust me for a moment?"

I dodged a commuter. The green lights started flashing. In a few moments, it'll be the turn of the cars to charge me.

Alright! What do you want me to do?

"Can you please close your eyes for a while? This won't take long," Koizumi promised me.

Do you want us to get run over?

"They won't run us over."

I hope your Esper power can stop them. Fine, I'll do it. And don't try to grope me in the meantime.

"I promise."

You'd better not. I close my eyes. I could still hear the many footsteps on the street, the car engines roaring, the endless chatting, and all the sorts of noises you'd attribute to a busy city.

"Now take three steps forward."

I do that.

"You can open them now."

Where is this place?

No. The right question is: What dimension is this?

"This is a Sealed Reality, a place that is completely cut off from the world we live in."

Koizumi's voice comes clear as a bell across the eerie silence. She explains everything as we travel through this ghost city.

Apparently this is another dimension that is close to ours. We entered it through a gap that connects it to our dimension. And I only managed to do so because Koizumi brought me with her. One of her powers allows her to enter places like this.

"Sealed Realities like this occur randomly. Sometimes it appears once every other day, and sometimes it appears once every several months. Yet, one thing's for sure." Koizumi smiled grimly. "Whenever Suzumiya-san is in a mentally unstable condition, this space will appear."

So you're blaming Haruhi for this. Again.

"I am not blaming her; I am merely stating the facts as they appear to us."

That's sophistry.

"Perhaps it is," Koizumi conceded.

We arrive at the rooftop of an apartment block. Koizumi keeps talking about how she and her companions can sense these Sealed Realities. "How do we know that? Frankly, even we don't know how. In any case, we just know when and where a Sealed Reality will appear, and how to penetrate it."

You brought me here to see this?

"No, the real thing comes after this. It's about to start."

What do you mean?

"My abilities are to detect Sealed Realities and penetrate them. To be honest, I can even detect Suzumiya-san's state of mind. This world is like a disease created from the tremors of Suzumiya-san's unstable emotional state. And I am the cure."

You stole your comparison from Stallone, didn't you?

"People often tell me that." Koizumi grins at me. "Anyway, you're pretty amazing! You don't seem freaked out at all by the sight of all this."

I've had way too many such experiences already.

"I see." Koizumi shoots a look past me. "It seems like it's begun." She gestured grandly. "Turn around and look behind you."

What on earth is that?

"We believe this to be the manifestation of Suzumiya-san's frustration." The 30-story-tall giant raised its right arm over the nearest building. "Every time her inner conflict reaches a certain limit, this giant will appear and destroy everything around it to relieve pressure."

As if validating Koizumi's statement, the giant's arm crashed down like a battleaxe, splitting the building in half.

"If it manifests in our reality, it'll cause widespread destruction. That is why this Sealed Reality is created, to keep the giant here away from our reality. "

The glowing blue giant rampaged through the city while Koizumi explained things. I could hear the sound of the buildings collapsing, but not the footsteps of the giant.

"According to the laws of physics, it should be impossible for a giant like that to be able to stand due to its weight. Yet it is able to move around freely as if it is weightless. And though destroying a building involves a change in molecular structure, these rules don't seem to apply to it. Not even the whole world's combined armies would be able to stop it."

So we just let this thing have its way?

"No, and this is why I exist. Please look over there."

Koizumi pointed towards the blue giant. I saw five small dots, glowing sesame seeds compared to the giant.

"Those are my companions, who, like me, have obtained their powers from Suzumiya-san. We are warriors in charge of hunting down these giants."

The distance was great, but I could see the small dots attacking the blue giant with odd flashes of light and chunks of debris. They didn't seem to be doing much damage, though.

"Oneesama!"

I cringe. The speaker's pitch can break paper cups at fifty paces. I take a look and find a girl at least a year younger than me approaching us. She is head and shoulders shorter than me and is wearing a Kouyouen uniform like Koizumi's. Her brown hair is lighter in color than Koizumi's and is done up in two ponytails.

Where'd she come from? I could swear I didn't hear the door open. I glance at the door just to be sure. Yeah, it's still closed. So how did this girl get here? Did she teleport or something?

"Hello, Kuroko," Koizumi greeted the new arrival.

"You're late, Oneesama," Kuroko scolded.

"I apologize. I wanted to bring him along with me." Koizumi gestures at me.

Kuroko looks me over with interest. "Maa, maa, Oneesama," she snickers. "So this is the gentleman you've been talking about…"

"Yes. Let me introduce you to each other. Kuroko, this is Kyon–"

Don't introduce me using that stupid nickname!

"Kyon-kun, this is Shirai Kuroko, my junior back at Kouyouen High."

"I'm pleased to meet you, Kyon-san," Kuroko tells me.

Please don't call me by that stupid nickname…

"Thanks for your efforts, Kuroko. I'm stepping in right now." Koizumi glances at me. "Hey," she asks me, "Do you know what a rail gun is?"

Huh?

"It is also called a super electromagnetic weapon. By borrowing Fleming's momentum, it can fire bullets at hypersonic speed, many times the speed of sound."

Koizumi pulls out a shiny coin from her blazer pocket. She winks at me.

"Something like this."

And she flips the coin into the air.

I gape. Koizumi is suddenly surrounded by electrical sparks, as if she has suddenly become a human electric eel. She closes her left eye as if to better aim with her right eye.

Right as the coin lines up with her extended arm, Koizumi's lightning shell flares. A golden beam shoots out from her hand. I realize that the beam is the coin, or rather the trail left by the coin, a comet tail of molten metal and maybe even ions stripped by its hyper-acceleration through the atmosphere. The shot shatters the pavement into so many shards and whiplashes dust towards us. I cover my ears to protect against the terrific sonic boom as my eyes follow the coin's trail to the blue giant it intersected.

The coin punches through the kilometers-distant blue giant as easily as if it was made of air. It rips out a giant hole in the giant's chest. The giant doubles over. It looks seriously hurt. Then its upper torso falls off, sheared clean of its lower body. I saw blue smoke puff out of the stump. Maybe that is its blood? Its severed portions glow and then disintegrate into a shower of particles resembling falling snow.

"Yes," Kuroko tells me. "She is definitely among the top of this world's billions of people. The Electromistress who rules over me. Third strongest of the seven Level 5 Espers in The Organization. The Railgun. Koizumi Itsuko-oneesama. Kouyouen High's Ace. The unrivalled Electric Princess."

Koizumi flicks stray strands of her hair out of her eyes. Again she winks at me as the gray globe surrounding us shatters.

.

"Biri biri~"

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The same taxi driver fetches us. Kuroko accompanies us on the drive back. She's incredibly gushy and clings to Koizumi like how Koizumi clings to me when Haruhi is around. Koizumi doesn't seem to mind her attentions at all. In fact, I think she welcomes Kuroko's companionship, even as she spouts new techno babble at me.

Tell me something, Koizumi. When you first appeared, you instantly attached yourself to me. But when there's no one else around– no; when Haruhi isn't around, you act normally. You yourself are not interested in me romantically, right?

Kuroko's ponytails flare like the nine tails of an angry fox spirit. Koizumi merely chuckles.

"You're correct, Kyon-kun. I just pretend I am."

Why?

"It's because Suzumiya-san expects me to like you."

What? What kind of reasoning is that? And it's Haruhi again? Can't you stop blaming her for everything?

"I'm not blaming her. As I told you earlier, I can sense Suzumiya-san's mental condition. And part of her mental condition is that she expects me to be in love with you."

Why would she want that?

Koizumi actually hesitated. "I think it is because she wants a love rival," she finally said.

A what?

"A love rival is someone who competes for another person's love interest."

I know what a love rival is!

"Then you understand my situation."

No, I don't! That's the most retarded explanation I've ever heard!

"I told you, I just know, it can't be explained. Everyone associated with the 'Organization' is the same. One day, we just suddenly knew everything about Suzumiya-san and how she could affect this world, as well as realizing that since we now had supernatural powers, we couldn't just allow these Sealed Realities to continue untouched. If we didn't do anything about it, the world as we know it would be destroyed. And that would be… troublesome."

Even Kuroko was sobered by Koizumi's last statement. We stay quiet for a while.

If what you say is right, why would Haruhi want a love rival? She doesn't have a boyfriend right now.

"The more interesting item of interest, I think, would be the identity of the person whose affections I and Suzumiya-san are notionally competing for."

So who is it?

Koizumi gives me one of her irritating smiles. "Who else can it be?" she asks.

My heart sinks into a whirlpool of despair. You've got to be kidding.

"I wish I was."

Good grief.

"Let's change topics, Oneesama," Kuroko volunteered.

Yeah, let's stop stoking that fire. So who do you like, Koizumi?

"Isn't it obvious?" Kuroko pipes up. She hops into Koizumi's lap so she can glomp her senior. "It's Kuroko!"

"It's impolite to gape, Kyon-kun," Koizumi tells me.

.

The legendary taxi driver drops me off in front of my house. Koizumi's parting words pursue me out the door.

"Please pay attention to Suzumiya-san's actions. Her supposedly stable mental state has now begun to show signs of rapid change. It's been quite a while since something like today has happened."

Even if I did observe her, she'd still become like that. Isn't that so?

"Frankly, I don't know either. But I find it to be a good idea to leave everything to you."

Why me?

"That's a very good question, Kyon-kun." Koizumi smiles at me. "I wish I knew why."

.The morning after, things went back to normal.

.

"Kyon! Quit staring at empty space! Get over here! We have stuff to do!"

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Welcome back, Haruhi.

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Or did they?

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To Be Continued

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Author's Notes

Would you believe that this Chapter's Author's Note was originally intended for the previous chapter, Ch. 9, as a Chekov's Gun? Well, now you know. And as Sheo always likes to say, "Knowing is half the battle. The other half is violence. Yooo Joe!"

.

Me: "Getting beat up by Liam Neeson was GAR, but I need my daily dose of Yandere Loving! Where's my Yandere Loving?"

*Misaka Mikoto (To Aru Majutsu No Index/To Aru Kagaku no Choudenjibo) spin kicks Sheo to the back of his head*

Me: "Uguu!"

Mikoto: "Jerk! I caught you drooling over endless replays of my fight with that other jerk in Episode 4 of A Certain Scientific Railgun!"

Me: "Wait! You're not a yandere! You're a tundra!"

Mikoto: *flares electricity* "What? What did you just call me?"

Me: "No, wait, I got it wrong! You're Thundere!"

Mikoto: "Shut up!"

*Mikoto electrocutes Sheo*

Me: "Aaaahhh! Tsundere! There! Tsundere!"

Mikoto: *blushes so hotly, she pops steam out of her ears* "Just die already!"

*Author Assistants Yuuki and Four Darren watches Mikoto reenact the electric metal bed torture scene from Rambo: First Blood*

Yuuki: "And this is the closest we've gotten to a bed scene in any of his fan fiction since Wet Dreams…"

Four: "He Tempted Fate with the Tsundere who's into Shock And Awe."

Yuuki: "You should stop browsing TV Tropes so much."

Four: "Why? It is made of Epic Win! And Epic Fail, too!"

Yuuki: "4chan is off limits as well. Feel sorry for Moot, will you? It's his bandwidth you're wasting."

Four: "In 4chan, Moot feels sorry for you."

Yuuki: "And Yakov Smirnoff, too."

Four: wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww

Yuuki: "And Nico Nico Douga– oh, whatever…"

Four: "Certain parts of this fan fiction were lifted from the English translation of the first volume of the Haruhi light novel. Papa is now receiving divine punishment for copy-pasta. Mmm, copy-pasta… needs more salt…"

Me: "Aaah! Shocking! Power On! Light's Out!"

Misaka Imouto 10032: *holds up her goggles* "My goggles, Misaka states in a moe-moe manner, they do something."

Last Order: "Biribiri, cheers Misaka cheers Misaka!"

Mikoto: "Shut up!"