The year 1952:
Five...
She took more notes, barely glancing at him as he clenched his fists and kept his gaze steady on the screen. His jaw ached with the force he ground into the rubber piece between his teeth. His cheek begged for his mother's warm hand. Or Levi's cool one.
Annie finally released him with the sharp click of the projector and the sliding soft hiss of the leather straps gliding across his wrists as they were loosened. Eren didn't meet her cold stare. He didn't listen to her summary of the day's work. He only pulled his pants on hastily, jerkily, and strode out the door with shame clinging to his shoulders as they hunched forward miserably.
The dingy hallways swallowed him whole. He felt like Pinocchio inside Monstro. A poor little wooden boy trapped inside a whale.
He'd come to find a sort of comfort in his cell. The thick slabs of stone wall that kept the wires and projectors away. That concealed him in the blanket of darkness each night, enclosed him in his own little sanctuary. His own purified corner of the wretched hell they caged him in. Of the asylum.
He hated the walls nonetheless. Because it was the walls that prevented him from reaching out to feel the curve of a pale shoulder and slim body that lay in a bed that would rest right next to his were it not for those awful stones. Raven locks that would slide through his fingers if only he could dissolve himself to slither between the cracks in the floor and reappear in Levi's quarters.
He hated the walls.
...
Four...
Levi's tongue was slipping past his lips and teeth and there was a hand at his waist. They were pressed up against the tight space of the janitor closet, but Eren didn't mind. There was no space for minding things between the gasps and pops and touch.
Levi's hand was on his thigh, resting there comfortably beneath the table as they played chess. Eren had the thought that it was less for his benefit than the older man's. As if he were trying to remind himself that Eren was real. The boy, for the first time since his arrival, won the game. Neither of them said anything.
Levi's eyes were nailed to him as he circled the track, and stayed there until they came back inside. He shoved Eren into a random empty cell, and then there were fingers in his hair, a chest pressed against his, and no space between them. He thought that it wasn't right; for this person to make him feel so inflamed. As if he might float out of his skin and never return. Like he would burst.
The brunet remembered these things and imagined them as the images rolled by. His eyes were unfocused and dulled as Annie flicked through slide after slide, gauging his reactions calmly, the room pounding with quiet filled only by the hum of the projector and shock box. Some of the pictures contained curved girls with sultry gazes.
His measurement went up a little, she told him, emotionless.
He didn't eat for the rest of the day.
...
Three...
Hanji rubbed small circles on his back as he bent over the grimy toilet. When he was done, she helped him clean up, and made an attempt to tame his lengthening hair with her fingers. He would need to cut it before he left.
She tried to smile, but it wobbled, then fractured, and he found himself clinging to her as she whispered nice things to him. He didn't look at them in the mirror.
She told him a story about when she was younger, and disguised herself so she could go to medical school. She had always loved science, she told him, even when her father slapped her and said that it was only for boys. So she snuck into the school, performed wild experiments when she broke into the labs at night. And one day, everything changed. She met a girl on the bus who was crying, and after explaining the neurologically chemical reason for tears, she asked what her emotional catalyst might be. The girl said that she was pregnant, but that she wasn't ready, and she'd been forced by her husband. She didn't want it.
Hanji tried to help...and performed an illegal abortion behind the walls of a ratty motel. Hanji...she hadn't been ready either. There was blood, screaming, and she wasn't ready, she just wasn't ready, she told Eren. By the time help got finally there, it was too late, and she had seen the horror of her first truly failed experiment. She wore cuffs that night, and went in for psychiatric evaluation.
But now she was here, and she was with Eren and Levi. So you see? It's not so bad, sweetheart. It's going to be okay. I snatched those plans, remember? And your sister's gonna get you out – just wait and see. She's a determined woman. No judge or jury could say no to her. You'll see, kiddo. You won't be like me. You'll get your sunrise and your beach and one day...oh, one day you'll be able to kiss Levi all you want.
Eren started crying.
...
Two...
Levi met him in the hall after Leonhart was done with him for the day. The man had bandages wrapped all around his hands and fingers. He'd scrubbed himself raw again. Eren said nothing. Only rolled up his sleeves to lay his wrists, bruised from strain against cutting leather, by those beautiful hands.
They ate their meal in solemn quiet. The white noise of the commons area filtered out to nothing but a high whistle in the back of their ears. Behind them somewhere, a patient was humming softly to herself.
"Where do you want to go?" Levi turned his hands over absently, sliding the little skin exposed at the tips of his fingers to trace circles on Eren's warm palms. "Which beach?"
"I don't know," he answered truthfully.
Levi paused with a small frown, then suddenly said, "I was never supposed to come to America, you know. I was born in France."
"Germany."
"I know. With a name like yours, hard not to. Why'd you leave?"
"I was only three at the time. You know about the Depression – how awful it was over there. And my father, well, he saw what people were starting to become involved in. The socialists. Of course, he didn't know that it would lead to a war, but he didn't think it was going to be a healthy place to raise a child. That, and money, of course."
"It sounds like he cared about you."
The brunt chuckled. His grip tightened on Levi's. "Almost does, doesn't it?" Eren sighed, and a deep sadness flew from his breath, fanned across Levi's relaxed eyelids. "What about you?"
"There was nothing left for me in France. Erwin offered a job. I took it. Simple as that."
"I don't think it is that simple."
"You're right."
"Okay."
"Okay."
...
One...
"Last one, Eren, before you depart. Let's make this final session count, shall we?"
"All right. As long as I never have to look at you again."
He heard a sound. A soft tinkling in the air, barely detectable. He glanced at Annie, but she didn't appear to hear it. The little bells, he strained his hearing for them, and soon they were kissing his ear lobes, gently submerging him into a quiet bliss. They fell into rhythm with the pulses of electricity running through his body, the ticking of the clock. They assured him, stroked the edges of his subconscious. They sounded like his mother's voice.
He hated them.
"Turn them off," he commanded suddenly, jerking forward in his chair when their chimes brimmed at the peak of his tolerance.
"We have not finished the slides, Eren."
A hysteria claimed the light in his eyes and he tried to lunge forward as if being closer would make her understand his jittery agony. "No, you stupid bitch! The fucking bells! Turn. Them. Off. Now. They're annoying."
"I do not understand." She set down her pencil, and stared at him with confusion.
He laughed. "Of course you don't! You don't understand anything! Not me, not the brain, not Levi – nothing!"
"Eren, I have to ask you to calm down." She stood up and approached him carefully. "Why don't we take a short break?"
He snarled at her when she moved to turn off the shock, and surprise momentarily crossed her featured in a rare display of emotion. "Don't touch it. It feels good..." He broke off into a hoarse whisper and closed his eyes.
Concern molded itself between her brows. "I'm turning it off, Eren. You're having some kind of reaction. We're done for today."
He didn't respond as she shut everything down and pulled off the equipment from him. He stared blankly at the ceiling, green eyed dazed and sleepy. She pressed the security call button, and shortly Reiner entered to take him back to his cell. The second the straps were gone, Eren was thrashing, trying to get to Annie.
"You're sick! You're a sick fucker and you know it! I'm not crazy! It's freaks like you – freaks like you that are parasites!" he spat. "You live off of people's suffering like the psychopath you are!" Reiner tugged him back roughly, bruising his arms, but he didn't seem to care. He threw his head back and began to cackle madly, brokenly. "Do you enjoy it? Do you enjoy crawling into the most private places of people's minds and violating them? I HATE YOU." He laughed again. "I hate you so much."
He slumped suddenly in Reiner's grasp, and the blonde man retracted the needle from his skin. The guard looked up at Annie questioningly, stunned to find a distressed expression on her.
"Annie?"
"He had a reaction to the electricity. I must have increased the voltage too quickly. He snapped. Just take him back to his room. He should be calm enough by the time he wakes up. Shaky, but calm."
He nodded carefully, picking up the patient and turning for the door. He stopped at the threshold though, and called to her over his shoulder.
"You're not your father, Annie. You're nothing like him. Trust me."
She didn't reply.
...
His chocolate locks shifted subtly in the breeze that traveled through the valley that morning. The trunk of the car was shut, what little remained of his belongings inside. He wore jeans and a green jacket, and he could only marvel at the miracle of being out of stale uniform. Eren looked up at the tall building, its barred windows, fenced yard... The ivy crawled up the walls and snaked around the frame of a single glass pane on the second floor.
He watched as Levi stared down at him solemnly and offered him a single nod. Affirmation. Goodbye. There was a sadness in the man's grey eyes he couldn't bear to look at.
Mikasa came around the car as a chill ran up his spine. It was unnaturally cold that day, and so she removed her scarf for the first time he'd seen since he gave it to her, and wrapped it carefully around his neck. She hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek. She slid into the driver's seat, and waited for him to follow.
Eren glanced back up at the window, hoping for one last look. But Levi was gone.
He hadn't seen Hanji or Jean that morning either, and it left a hollow aching in him he could not name.
Finally, he sighed, and climbed into the passenger seat next to Mikasa. She left the radio off, and neither of them said a word as she pulled away from Sina Asylum. Away from Jean and Hanji and Levi and Sasha and the shocks and Erwin and their little beat up chess board. They crossed the dried river bed on the dilapidated looking bridge, and he caught a glimpse of the pipe grate he would need to take care of later.
The trees of the damp forest formed a canopy overhead, and the only sunlight he could see lied at the end of the tunnel they made. On the horizon.
"Mikasa," he said. "Can we go get burgers?"
"Of course," she answered.
...
Author's Note: Super huge THANK YOU. This story has over 100 followers now, and that's incredible. To everyone who reviews, follows, has favorited, and just plain reads this little project of mine, you have my deepest appreciation. You guys are amazing.