It's weird. I expected more of an outrage at the last sentence of the chapter. That and (maybe, I don't know...) laughter the doctor's name. It's like you people aren't friends with Google.
Previously on Gleephobia: The Glee Club follow Kurt and Blaine to a hospital. It appears Kurt was checked over by a guy who specializes in phobias. … … … … So now what?
"So now what?"
"I'm... not sure," Julia admitted. The glee club had agreed to think over what they saw and discuss it after Winter Break was over. Winter Break was now over. It has been for nearly a month. It was the first time they could all be together out of the prying eyes of teachers and parents. Of course, it was in the second-floor girls' bathroom during third period and they all had five minutes—tops—but that was a trivial matter.
"Damn, we were so close," Carla cursed. Others nodded.
"Now just a second!" Julia burst. "We can't give up now, right? I know it's not like the movies where everything magically falls into place and we suddenly know everything there is to know about Mr. Hummel because someone knows it all and just tells us the story, but giving up is definitely out of the equation! We've just got to think harder, like Sherlock Holmes!"
"Wait, what? I thought he was magic," Andrew said, stunned. Alex took advantage of everyone's focus on Andrew to tug on Julia's sleeve.
"Julia, this was just suppose to get everyone into glee club! Why does it sound like you're getting into it?"
"Because I am getting into it! This is just too suspicious!" she whispered. "You can't tell me you're not curious?"
"I'm curious," Alex admitted, "but it just isn't right!"
The door of the girl's bathroom crashed open. The boys dove under sinks and into stalls while the girls tried to look natural.
"Here's Johnny!"
"Jason, you asshole!" Carla yelled at him. He just chuckled.
"Sorry I'm late to the party, I'm sure you all missed me," he grinned. The boys grumbled as they pulled themselves from various hiding places. Felix had pretended to be a statue. It wasn't convincing, so perhaps it was good that it was only Jason.
"We actually didn't notice you were missing," Julia sneered.
"That hurts... but I've got a brilliant idea," the hockey player said with a glint of evil in his eye.
"Is it better than your last one?"
"Yes! Far better! Gather around, children, I'm about to blow all other ideas out of the water!" he claimed.
"Probably. Considering there were no other ideas," Alex whispered. Julia giggled.
"Alright! Here it is! I'm going to tell you! Hold your applause!" He paused. "You all know how I was transferred to a different English period? Every time I'm in there, Hummel is, too. And he's always writing away in this little diary. That's where we'll get our answers, I'm sure of it!"
"Jason. That could be his lesson planner," Link scowled.
"Actually, it couldn't." The glee students looked around. Their eyes fell on Alex. "His lesson planner is a big calender that covers most of his desk. It has all the assignments written into the dates."
"Ha!" Jason said smugly.
"Alex, you seem to know a lot about Hummel," Carla glared.
"He's just been helping me with some stuff, okay?"
"Oh, Monsieur Hummel!" Jason teased in a high-pitched voice. "I can't seem to get this stain off my linoleum! What product do you suggest?"
Everyone laughed at Alex's expense. Except Andrew. "Guys?" They ignored him. "Guys? Guys! We've been in here more than ten minutes!"
They all flew out the door to try to get back to class in an inconspicuous manner.
Everyone arrived at glee practice in one piece (except for Felix, who had managed a detention for his lengthy time in the bathroom) and sat, fidgeting. Mr. Hummel had perched himself on top of the piano, which had become like a second desk to him. Mr. Anderson was asleep on it next to him. The kids had been wondering for some time if he was narcoleptic.
"What's today?" Mr. Hummel asked suddenly.
"The sixth. Of February," Ryan added. "Why?"
"No reason."
"Alright, guys!" Mr. Schuester clapped as he finally entered. "It's time we really—mmrrumph!"
A burly, hulking man and a much smaller—yet equally as tough—woman jumped from behind a bookcase and tie Mr. Schue up, gagging him. They tossed him unceremoniously out in the hallway.
"Eek! Mr. Schue!" Ashely shrieked. She was suddenly protected by Ryan. The man and woman high-fived.
"Shh..." Mr. Hummel hushed.
"There's more!" Jason bellowed. He pointed around the room, where others of various shapes and sizes peaked from behind and under random objects.
"Shh." the teacher tried again.
"It's a coup!" Link shouted.
"Shh!"
"A what?"
"A coup d'état, idiot!" Julia screamed at Andrew, on edge like everyone else.
"What part of "Shh!" don't you children understand?" They had never seen Mr. Hummel outright angry before. Annoyed, yes, especially at Jason. But never angry.
"Damn, dude," the man chortled. "No need to get bitchy about it. They think we're murderers, give them a break."
A sudden yawn, groan, and stretch, sent them all different directions. The man dove into a cupboard, the woman slipped behind a cabinet, the other intruders quickly hid themselves fully, and Mr. Hummel crossed his legs and pretended nothing was wrong.
"H-how long was I out?" Mr. Anderson asked, his clipboard falling off the piano.
"Not too long," Mr. Hummel replied, picking the clipboard up for him. "The kids arrived, but Mr. Schue isn't here yet." He glared at the students, daring them to say something. They didn't. Kurt was glad to know his bitch stare still worked even after years of disuse. And Blaine didn't even notice.
"Good... I was worried that maybe he had—"
A loud crash and boom interrupted him. Screaming and running was heard. There was silence in the choir room as the glee kids and Blaine stared, while Kurt just smiled. Half the room behind the piano had spontaneously caught on fire, as though an explosion occurred. It even looked like it was in the hallway, too.
"...K-Kurt?"
"Happy Birthday!" he squealed.
"Oh, please tell me you had nothing to do with this," Blaine prayed, closing his eyes. How was he going to explain this much property damage? The occasional broken statue due to a severe scrub-down was alright, but an entire school?
"Why don't you blow out your candle?" Kurt smiled, gesturing to the blazing fire.
"Y-you couldn't have done this, right? This is way too far, not even those scary Disney villains would think of something like this."
"What's that? It's hard to hear you over the sound of melting school!"
"This isn't funny, make it stop!" Blaine begged.
"Who's laughing? Clearly not all the people running for their lives."
"Okay, I'm going back to sleep because this is all one big, messed-up dream that feels like déjà vu." Mr. Anderson curled up on the piano while some of the students continued to stare with wide eyes. Others were trying to open the window on the safe side of the choir room.
"Wait, no!" Kurt shook Blaine violently, forcing him to sit up. "Stay awake for your birthday decorations. Surprise!"
Balloons floated in from various places, such as from under the piano, from cupboards and behind the drums. To each balloon, a human face was tied to the end.
"Oh. My. God. I think I'm going to throw u—Oh dear God, one touched me!" Blaine cringed away from the floating face. "What made you think this was a good idea?"
"Probably because I called up a bunch of old friends while you were taking a shower last week to come down today and they convinced me to set up a surprise party based off of Carl's insanity."
"... I'm not sure how to respond to that."
Laughter came from the same orifices the balloon faces (still floating around the room) did. Blaine looked around in confusion. His eyes landed on the fire.
"That's not real, is it?"
"Oh, let's hope not!" Kurt laughed.
"Nah, it ain't." The man from earlier climbed out of the cupboard. "It's the fake fabric fire stuff."
"The faces?"
"Masks from that costume shop down the street."
"Explosion sound?"
"Record track."
"People running?"
"That..." the man hesitated. "That's real. But, uh, Happy B-Day!"
"Thanks," Blaine smiled. Almost a dozen people had come out from their hiding places and wished the boy a happy birthday.
"Woah! Woah, woah, woah! Hold the phone." Eyes turned to the loudmouth girl standing. "What the hell is going on?"
"Well, Carla," Mr. Hummel began in a very calm manner. "In order to understand that, we must start from the beginning. In our Sophomore year, the glee club had failed to the point of having no director. Mr. Schuester decided to take over and lead the club in a "New Direction", thus the name. At the time, there were only five members, but we became six after a quick marijuana blackmail session. But because of this—"
"You're starting way too far back," a petite brunette cut in. "If we jump to our Junior year, in which I made some major personal progress towards being more of the star I am today, there's actually twice as many solos for me as well as—"
"And I was the only one without a solo in front of a competition audience," an Asian woman with blue highlights spoke up.
"That's simply because you didn't train your vocals as thoroughly as I do. You can't go drinking soda, it ruins your pitch. As I was saying—grrummph!" A gag was thrust into her mouth and tied behind her head.
"I've wanted to do that for so long," the pretty blonde that gagged her glared.
"Quinn! That was my wife you just gagged!" a burly man with a shirt proclaiming "FINN" barked.
"Wanky!"
"Santana!" chorused most of the room.
"Fifteen minutes. We made it fifteen minutes." Everyone turned to Kurt. He seemed to be speaking more to himself than anyone else. He quickly untied the girl's gag. He seemed to be fighting it the whole time. "Now the fun begins."
"We should sing!" the petite brunette declared.
"We should sing a song!" Finn agreed.
"Yes! That'll be fantastic!" the brunette praised.
"Yeah, a song with music!" the man added.
"I like it, Puck! I like it!"
"And we should wear matching clothes."
"Little too far for impromptu, Sam."
"We can dance, though, right?" another Asian asked.
"Of course, Mike! What is a song without dance?"
"Ooh, is it a song?" came a voice from under the piano. Blaine ducked under and pulled a second pretty blonde out from under it. She wore bright pink, as if she wasn't even trying to be inconspicuous.
"Now that we're all here," the brunette, obviously the leader, began, "I think we should introduce ourselves. I'm R—"
"You're Rachel Berry! I've read about you!" Alex exclaimed. Rachel looked flattered, but not surprised. Everyone else just stared, not quite sure if this was real or not. "You were in New York, doing a community production of RENT. You played Maureen! An agent liked your talent and now you're in the Broadway revival production of Spring Awakening as Wendla!"
That was the longest string of words most of them had ever heard come from Alex's mouth. Rachel just posed in a self-important way. "I'll sign autographs later. Right now, it's time you learned that we... are the first generation of New Directions. Well, most of us." She glared at two of their members*, who just averted their eyes and whistled in innocence.
"Oh. Well, since we're obviously not going to have glee today, we'll just leave," Jason said. They started to stand when Rachel raised her hand.
"Not so fast. Show Choir Regionals is in a few short weeks. You need all the practice you can get. However," she paused, "I think a demonstration is in order. Kurt, Blaine, you start." She and scurried off to the sides of the room as the band started to play. Kurt and Blaine just looked confused. Start what, exactly?
"Wait... I know this song," the countertenor said after a few beats. "How long 'til next year?"
"Th-Three and a half minutes," Blaine answered, catching on.
"... Okay?" They started to sway and dance lightly, having no idea the next lyrics. Puck was nice enough to hand them each a music sheet. By then, though, the music was already far enough along for Finn to come in.
"Coast is clear. You're supposed to be working, that's for midnight! Where are they? There isn't much time."
"Maybe they're dressing! I mean, what does one wear that's appropo for a party that's also a crime?" Kurt sang, his personality shining through.
"Chips, anyone?" Rachel asked as she bounded on stage.
"You take the girl out of New York, but you can't the New York out of the girl!" Finn improvised, earning a playful smack from Rachel, who proceeded to demand royalty.
"Be nice you two, or no God-awful champagne," Kurt laughed as Puck handed him a bottle of grape juice.
"Don't mind if I do! No luck?" she asked Blaine.
"Bolted, plywood, padlocked with a chain. A total dead end." They continued on, with Rachel's "girlfriend" as Quinn. Collins turned out to be Sam and Angel was played by none other than Puck, who screwed up falsetto so badly everyone in the room laughed.
"Five, four, three—Open sesame!" they all shouted, even ones who didn't have parts and some of the glee kids who knew the song. They started chanting, "Happy New Year! Happy New Year!"
"HAPPY NEW..." they all decrescendoed at the same time, having spotted Mr. Schue with his arms folded and a glare on his face. The band stopped playing.
"M-Mr. Schue! We were just—" Rachel tried to explain, but he held up his hand.
"I see... that you've beaten me to the punch."
They broke into smiles as the band played. The epic battle between Kurt and Mr. Schue was long-coming, but it was all in song so it worked out perfectly. When it came time for Puck to tell Mr. Schue about his cat having a fall, his voice broke; snickers erupted, but they tried to keep in character. They all chanted again, in their way of wishing Blaine a happy birthday.
Except... singing happy new year.
And when Angel's final (very high) notes came up, Puck looked to Kurt. He took them without hesitation and cast him a very apparent "you're welcome" smirk.
The old friends left their old choir room together. They didn't really mind Kurt's need to Bink them, and because of it they kept from going through many rooms and avoided taking cars. They went to Breadsticks and got a private party room. They let Kurt and Blaine in through a side door in the room, which was even more helpful. Once everyone was seated, Kurt spoke up.
"Wait," he said, looking up and down the table. "Where's Mercedes?"
"Oh, she called me to let you know she couldn't make it," Sam explained quickly. "She's got the flu. She wishes you a happy birthday, though, Blaine."
"She has the flu?" the worried friend gasped. "And you're not taking care of her?"
"Are you kidding? Her mom won't let me anywhere near her!"
Everyone giggled, some more nervously than others. "I guess that makes sense," Kurt whispered.
When their waiter came in, they ordered five miso soups, four seaweed salads, three soy burger dinners, two tofu dog platters, and one pasta with meatless balls. It would've been perfect, if the menu actually had any of those things on it.
Except for the pasta. They actually had the pasta.
When Kurt and Blaine got home after wishing everyone a good flight to wherever it was they were going, they were extremely tired.
"Have a good birthday?" the taller asked. Blaine smiled.
"Would you believe me if I said I couldn't have ask for anything more?"
"That's a shame," Kurt sighed, taking off his jacket and hanging it up. He'd clean it thoroughly in the morning. "I haven't given you my present yet."
"I thought your present was...?" he trailed off. Kurt shook his head. "Then what is your present?"
"I've been thinking of the best way all day." Is he... blushing? "You have to promise not to move, alright? And close your eyes."
Blaine obliged. He waited for a few moments.
And the sun was blocked out by the wave of shock and pleasure that hit Blaine the moment soft, smooth, warm lips tenderly and tentatively met his own. He forced himself not retaliate. He was asked not to move, so he wouldn't. He was allowed to float on Cloud Nine for only three seconds before the kiss was broken.
"Happy Birthday, Blaine."
"Thanks. I think that I'm going to go take a shower, now," Blaine announced, turning slowly and heading down the hall to the bathroom. Kurt managed a small, nervous giggle once he had left. Did he really just kiss Blaine? That was a no-no. He wasn't getting that again next year.
Kurt hummed as he straightened small things in the living room. The water for the shower had started by now and he was lacking something to do. It was then that he saw the small, blinking red light. Unthinkingly, he pressed Play. He assumed it to be from Mercedes or something.
You Have: One New Message
"Dr. Anderson, this is Dr. Rogers." Oh God, him again? What does he want? "It would be best if you were alone before relaying this message." A pause. Yeah, like Kurt was going to go anywhere. Blaine never had to know. "I'm assuming you're alone now. I just called to tell you that the Board has reviewed the experiment's data. They've decided to pull the plug. They'll be there to pick up the patient—Kurt—in about three months. You don't have to come in for the next check-up. I'm sorry it ended this way."
He sounded sincere.
The loud beep signified the end of the message. But that couldn't be all. It couldn't be the end. He had made some valuable progress today, and they were just going to end it all!
Kurt stumbled backwards into the sofa, forcing him to sit. He sat, just breathing, for an unknown amount of time. When the water stopped, Kurt made up his mind. He turned to the phone.
You Have: One Old Message.
Beep.
You Have: No Messages.
!
Julia opened the door. Felix stood there, soaking. Strangely, it wasn't raining.
"Come on in, you're soaked!"
He entered Andrew's house, shivering violently. Andrew's mother took one look at the kid and went to make soup, fretting over him and telling everyone to keep him warm.
"You may be waiting for that soup a while. It takes her like, an hour to make soup!" Andrew laughed. He drew a card. "Oh, Sorry! Alex." He bumped her piece and placed his own there.
"I know. That's why I jumped in your neighbor's pool before I came," he said smugly. Everyone turned their attention to him. "You know how I got detention earlier, right?"
"Yeah. You missed Glee because of it. You're actually pretty lucky," Carla sneered, thinking about it.
"I didn't really get detention," he admitted. "I faked it."
"Why?" Alex asked what everyone was thinking.
"To get this!" He dug into the front pocket of his backpack and set a leather-bound book, used probably for the novelty of it, on the coffee table. Andrew took the game and shoved it aside, where it clattered to the floor. They all just stared at the words written on the cover.
This Journal is the Property of Kurt Hummel.
Proof Positive.
*Sam and the winner of the glee project. Oh yeah, I'm thinking ahead.
Sorry this took so long. I've just been having a rough time writing lately and I'm not quite sure why. I've come up with multiple ideas for new fics, by the way, so be sure to check out my page for a poll on which I should do!
70 exclamation points were used in the making of this chapter.