On the television screen, a scene panning across a destroyed city that resembled one of the famous spots in the underworld was shown. The camera moved its view towards the centre of the city where a circle devoid of debris could be seen.
"To battle against the evils against the world, one girl was chosen above the others to become our saviour…" A silhouette of a teenage girl stared at the moon above before attempting to grasp it in her hands.
"Transforming into the princess of miracles! Magical Miracle Levia-tan will save the devil world!" The silhouette exploded into a shower of sparkles which revealed Serafall Leviathan dressed in her trademarked skimpy outfit.
She twirled her pink wand in her hands and gave a wink in the direction of the screen and made her signature pose. Putting her free hand over her closed eye, she leaned her body forward and spoke. "In the name of miracles, I will tear evils' hymens apart!"
Meanwhile, across the Underworld, countless young female devils would aspire to one day be like their idol. Serafall's show currently has the third highest ratings if you take the total viewers from both the Underworld and the Human world.
The synopsis of Serafall's show was that after almost half of the Underworld was wiped out by an unknown evil known only as FullKill. With the power of the heptagon gem, she will roam the lands of the magical factions and regain the powers of Seven Sins and return the lives lost on that fateful day.
The second highest rated show would be Kaleidoscope Prism Millya. This other magical girl show came out at the same time as Serafall's own. The director arrives only to deliver the footage reel or collect his revenue from sales and disappears almost instantly following that. His business card only gives his number and nothing else but the initials KZS.
And the number one show that has topped the rankings for almost three years would be the excitement inducing, tits bouncing, groin tightening, rainbow exploding, moon cratering, dairy churning, glass smashing… and you get the point.
However the name of that show is not important. The most important thing at the moment was that Serafall's show was airing at this very moment. So be sure to tune-in!
Deserted Island (Unknown Location)
The air around Serafall's head distorted as Miracle Maid Max Grayfia-tan slammed her paper fan directly on her cranium.
Serafall's body shot into the ground like a spear, causing her to get embed into the earth all the way up to her neck.
Disoriented, Serafall muttered out curses at Grayfia. "Ayy… Wad'ya deu thad fer…" Hey head was still swaying from disorientation and she puffed her cheeks in an attempt not to puke.
"Did I do that correctly Lady Serafall?" Grayfia asked. She took the script given by Serafall out from underneath her dress and re-read the lines.
"You completely missed! You were supposed to hit that girl over there!" Serafall lifted her arms out from the ground, causing a minor earthquake around the island. She then pointed her finger at Jeanne who was currently watching Grayfia with caution.
Jeanne readied her lance and set her feet apart for balance. "No magical presence. A perfect assassin…" She thought to herself. Without letting Grayfia out of her sights, Jeanne continued to watch the duo quarrelling.
"I apologize Lady Serafall, I can only recognize people by their general body structure." Grayfia gave a deep bow before returning to attention. Her posture leaving no imperfections and emanated the aura of excellent service.
Serafall made a moue and stomped her feet on the ground repeatedly before berating the silver haired maid. "How many times do I have to tell you?"
Serafall then grabbed Grayfia by her Victorian wrist cuffs and pulled her close. Serafall then moved both hands onto the side of the maid's head. "You are not. A. Bullet. Hell. Character." She accentuated each word while shaking Grayfia's head, her silver twin braids flailing about.
At this moment, Cao Cao decided to run off and escape his impending doom. Following him were his two companions Leonardo and Heracles.
The trio were still donned in their hero costumes and were currently making their way to the coastline. However, they had to pass by the campfire to obtain the stick that Jeanne threw inside the soup pot.
Kuroka returned to her black kimono and was currently preparing tea and rice crackers on the campfire. "Sorry Kuroka, we've got to go." Cao Cao rushed past the cat girl and swiped the stick from the still boiling pot of soup.
Kuroka sipped her green tea, eyes closed in complete relaxation and seemingly unaffected by everything else around her. "Ahhh~ This is the finest tea I've had!"
Reaching down, Kuroka took a piece of rice cracker and bit into it, her face contorted into an expression of pure ecstasy while her tail was flailing about. "Mmmm~ Delish!" The snack was so outstanding that she could not help but let out a few moans and mewls.
While these events happened, Jeanne was twirling the giant lance using her fingers to pass the time. Boredom washed over her as she continued to wait for Serafall and Grayfia to stop their arguing.
From the corner of her eyes, she could see a spot of bright red escaping into the darkness of the forest. She turned her body so that she was facing the location of where the object was spotted and thrust her lance forward.
From behind the trio, a wave of compressed air blasted through the middle of their arrowhead formation and tore through the entire section of the forest, uprooting trees and dirt in its wake.
"Cao Cao…" Jeanne's voice echoed and rebounded around the clearing before the tip of her lance tried to make its way into Cao Cao's rear.
The red-suited hero managed to predict the attack and dodged accordingly. Cao Cao then did a few backflips to gain distance away from the mad woman.
"C-Can't we talk this out?" The only reply was a guttural growl and the sound of air being displaced beside his right ear. Peeking from the corner of his eyes, Cao Cao could see that Jeanne's lance was stuck in the tree trunk he was using as a support.
Jeanne rushed forward and cocked her arm back. Holy energy began to gather at the front of her gauntlet before she punched the empty space in front of her body.
The orb of light stretched and began to bend unnaturally, making linear movements mixed with diagonal and vertical turning as it chased down the intended target.
Meanwhile, the two devils were still in their heated discussion on whether Grayfia is a bullet hell character.
"Grayfia. Listen to me. You are not Sakuya Izayoi." Serafall placed both palms on Grayfia's cheeks and pushed them together. "Repeat after me. I am not Sakuya Izayoi."
"Lady Serafall, I believe the Templar has escaped in the direction of the forest. Should we give chase?" Grayfia spoke without any change to her tone even with the cheek crushing. The maid then pointed at the general location where Jeanne ran off to.
However, Serafall decided to slap her hand back down and gave her eyes an intense stare. "We have more important things to worry about." Serafall pinched both cheeks and began to pull on them. "Repeat after me. I am not Sakuya Izayoi and I am a maid."
"Lady Serafall, I assure you that I am not this 'Sakuya Izayoi' person. I just happen to have attacks that fire in a spectacular and easy to dodge pattern."
"By Lucifer's balls!" Serafall could not take it anymore. She slammed her head into one of the trees, causing the entire direction of that forest to become frozen solid.
Luckily, the direction that was frozen was directly opposite where Jeanne and the trio were. The bad part? It was where Kuroka was having her snack time.
"Nya! It sure got real cold around here." It's a good thing that Kuroka prepared much more than her breasts in that kimono. Reaching into her cleavage, Kuroka pulled out a picture of Koneko when she was younger.
"Oh my! Shirone is always so cute…" Kuroka's panting became rapid as her body heated up to irrational levels. "Shirone…" The nekomata squatted down and compacted her body as close to herself as possible.
Making a star jump, the heat radiated from Kuroka melted away the ice in every direction. Her sage arts leaked out of her bombshell body, creating the field of flowers that now fills the entirety of the clearing.
Serafall sensed the signs of an older sibling that had great affection for their younger sister. She let go of Grayfia and made her way to the clearing that Kuroka was found and saw the aurora forming above the nekomata.
"Amazing… the affection is taking a physical form." Kuroka noticed the cosplaying devil and invited her for tea and rice crackers.
Grayfia, being the amazing maid she was, reheated the tea and snacks before Kuroka even thought of inviting Serafall over. The maid then disappeared into the shadows, awaiting her next order.
"Nya! You're Levia-tan right? My little sister used to watch your show every morning!" Patting the ground beside her as a sign, Serafall took her seat cross-legged.
"Oh? Maybe I could meet her in-person the next time we get together?" Serafall lifted the ceramic cup and took a sip of the warm tea.
While Kuroka was preparing to give her reply, let us take a look at what was happening in the other part of the island.
"Eeeek!" Heracles let out a girly shriek as Jeanne's brightly glowing eyes were the only things he could see catching up behind him.
"You are already fisted." Jeanne hissed, her voice somehow managing to reach Heracles' ears from all the way behind. Before the demi-god could comprehend what he had heard, an intense burning sensation rose from his rear.
An ear piercing scream reverberated throughout the forest while every animal within a 500m radius cringed in pain from the pure emotions mixed with the vocal discharge.
Cao Cao and Leonardo were both trying to get as far away from that as possible. "Sorry Heracles." Leonardo whispered out.
Cao Cao then made his decision. "Don't be. His sacrifice won't be in vain." Signalling to Leonardo, the two men dashed with all their might.
"Heeeere's Jeanny!" A hand snaked its way on Leo's mouth and the other on his hips. From Cao Cao's back, as he ran, he could hear the screams of his fallen companion.
"Shit, shit, shit!" Sprinting forward and taking occasional glances behind, Cao Cao did a few manoeuvres to lose his pursuer.
"Haa… Haa… Did. Did I lose her?" Putting his hand on a nearby tree trunk, Cao Cao tried to catch his breath… until he noticed that the trunk he was touching was surprisingly smooth.
"Heeey Cao Cao!" Jeanne's face has become consumed by the red symbol, a tribal-like marking spread from her crimson eye all over a face.
Jeanne lifted the lance with one arm, the other holding Cao Cao by the neck. She jerked the lance, causing the tip to retract and form a trident. Jeanne then skewered the lance into the tree behind with Cao Cao trapped between the gaps of the fork-like weapon.
"See these?" Jeanne grasped both armoured arms together. "I'm going to take these two arms… and shove them up your ass!"
Jeanne's maniacal chuckle turned into a full blown laughing spree as she tore the red suit off Cao Cao with her clawed gloves.
Her armour began to rust and turn a dark brown, a contrast compared to its previous silver shine. The tiara on her head fused with her scalp, turning into a grotesque headdress with a blinking eyeball in the middle.
Her eyes had lost their colour, leaving only crimson in their irises. As she spread her lips, a long, black slithering tongue came out and undulated violently.
"You know what the beeeest part is?!" She hissed out. Her tongue slithered all over Cao Cao's helmet, leaving a trail of saliva. "We'll be having fun! Without lube!"
"Now bend over!" The grin on Jeanne's face stretched across the entire face as the headdress crawled its way over her eye, forming a deformed mask.
Just as she was about to rupture Cao's ass into the new dimension, a ball of flames came from above and illuminated the island the second time this night.
Jeanne let out a bestial roar and was just moments away from making the most painful penetration known to man before the giant sphere of fire landed directly on her body.
Cao Cao's eyes were closed tightly awaiting his impending doom until he heard the loud crash and the surprising lack of constipation.
Opening his eyes, he noticed that the forest around him was currently engulfed in a sea of flames while Jeanne was crushed below a Lamia's body.
The beast clawed the dirt in an attempt to move closer to Cao Cao. Her body finally gave in and she coughed and wheezed out. "Cao Cao! I will kill youuu…"
"Nii-sama, we have landed." Ophis spoke without a trace of emotion, not caring that she had just crushed a living being with the speed and weight of a meteor at terminal velocity.
Meanwhile, across the island where Kuroka and Serafall were enjoying their talk about little sisters, they suddenly felt the island convulse and shake.
"Nya! (Kya!)" Both Kuroka and Serafall became drenched in warm tea.
"Lady Kuroka, Lady Serafall. I have prepared a change of clothing for you both." Grayfia, being the fantastic maid she was, had already sewn copies of their clothing for such an emergency.
"Nya… How do you know about my sizes anyway?" Kuroka questioned the maid with suspicion.
"Do not worry milady. Maids that have transcended the realm of perfection can instantly tell their masters' needs and requirements with naught but a glance."
After changing into their new and surprisingly comfortable clothing, the trio made their way towards the source of the tremor.
"I'll put the flames out!" Serafall chanted a few verses of using her demonic language and thrust her want into the sky. At first nothing happened until a sudden chill washed over the land.
In the blink of an eye, the island began to experience winter. Snow began to fall and the ground became hardened instantly.
As they made their way into the ravaged and annihilated area, the three ladies suddenly sensed the presence of a powerful being within the cloud of steam that formed when the snow put out the fire.
"Nii-sama! Where are you Nii-sama?" Ophis whined and moved her hand to clear the clouds of steam. The result was the entire section of the island her hand moved past was wiped out of existence.
Luckily, only the island was affected as the 'dead' bodies of Heracles and Leonardo were both just floating safely on the water that washed in to fill the void after the island was wiped clean.
Issei, at this moment was currently helping the now naked Jeanne up. Issei noticed that her entire back was covered in blood red tattoos but decided not to dwell on them too much. "Hey, you all right there?"
"What do you think fucker?" She managed to reply through numerous coughs and wheezes.
"I was actually expecting you to just call me a pervert any second now actually." Issei casually waved off the insult.
"Hah! Like I care if I'm naked. And beating someone who just saved me isn't my style asshole." Jeanne smirked and she wrapped her arms around Issei's own for support.
Issei looked away and began to practice his whistling because the reason for her injuries was actually his (Ophis's) fault.
Issei then use his magic to gather water from the air and directed it into Jeanne's mouth. "Damn water tastes like shit." Even though she had said that, she still greedily gulped as much as she could into her oral cavity.
"Bwahh!" Splashing her face into the stream of water, Jeanne shook her head to get rid of the droplets remaining on her face. Her damp, blond hair swayed with each movement, seeming to glow in the moonlight.
She nudged her head against Issei's shoulder to get his attention. "Hey. What's your name?" Her tone was questioning but her face implied that no was not an answer.
"Issei." He replied. "Better than the idiots I'm with at least." Jeanne snarky remarked.
"Nii-sama! Where are youuu!" Ophis began to throw a tantrum and began to run around the island looking for her beloved younger brother.
"I think I should go. If she sees you err…" He pointed at their linked arms. "Like this, I won't joke and say she will actually kill you."
"Just leave me here, I'll be fine on my own. Next time we meet, I'll pay you back for this favour." Jeanne used a small portion of her power to form a tiny silver cross.
She tossed it over to Issei and leaned herself against the bark of a tree. "And the name's Jeanne. Remember- fuck!" Grasping her arm in pain, Jeanne's body started to convulse.
"Here." Issei used the transfer function and quadrupled the Templar's natural healing ability and gave her a blanket before leaving.
As Jeanne saw the silhouette of the boy leave, she muttered with a smile while fiddling with the pendant on her neck. "The 'Red Dragon Emperor' helping someone like me. You guys won't believe this…"
She popped the pendant open, revealing a picture of a two young girls and an old man in robes standing behind them both, his face covered by the glare of the camera.
If you get the references in this chapter, you will find some theoretical cookies.
This story was written for pure crack and will be updated infrequently.
And before I forget, Highschool DxD owned by Ichiei Ishibumi and [Insert legal jargon here].
Uploaded on: 10/1/2016
Last edited on: N/A