Waiting for a Star to Fall
"Edward?" The concern in her voice was now on the verge of bring tears to her chocolate eyes.
"Bella... I love you. You know that right?" I started, not quite knowing how to try and make her listen to me.
"Yeah..." I could feel her trembling in panic and I hated it. I turned over to her, placing my hand on her face.
"It's just...God how do I say this?" I felt my face scrunch up in worry. Worry that she might take what I was about to say the wrong way.
"Just...tell...me...Edward please this is torture! Did I do something to upset you?" All her insecurities came back after all this time in that one second, and now I was really worried. I didn't want to break her heart.
"I can't take your life away from you..." I closed my eyes at what I was saying.
Bella's eyes were wide, shocked and hurt. I had to do damage control and fast!
"Here me out first please?" I begged, literally getting up on my knees
"Go on?" She listened but her gaze was a million miles away as I saw the first single tear seep from here unblinking eyes.
"I can't take what you deserve away from you. You have so much you could have that I can't...give you...I mean..." My hands grasped hers and held them endearingly, hoping that I could bring this up without crushing her too much.
Bella's POV
This was agony. A million things swam in my head right now. I tried to think if I'd done anything to warrant this reaction from him. I thought we'd cleared all this changing stuff up. Oh God! Why did he have to be so damn cryptic all the time! Wait...
"Oh God I know what this is about." Realization washed through me.
"You do?" He looked dubious.
"This is about earlier isn't it?" I half laughed in disbelief. "With what happened in the book store, with Lilly..."
"I thought her name was Cassie...Hardwick? That was her last name!" He huffed in recognition.
"I was talking about the baby! The baby's name was Lilly" I found my focus and looked at him. He fidgeted nervously so I knew I was right.
"It's just...I want that...but I can't have it.
"Edward! It doesn't matter to me, you know that! We've been through this!" She almost sounded annoyed now.
"But that's not the point Bella! You shouldn't have to give that up; not for me. You can't be so sure that you want to give up something you've never had, love."
"Well I hope this isn't you trying to tell me you want a divorce already, because you can forget it!" I tried desperately hoping to sound amusing.
"Of course I'm not Bella don't be ridiculous!" Apparently he didn't find it funny.
"Then what are you suggesting then Edward? Because I'm confused as to how you think I could possibly have a baby that didn't involve you. And seen as that's not an option then I'm more than happy to not go there."
"I saw your face Sweetheart!" He still wasn't listening.
"Edward, listen to me because this will be the last time I say his ever! I don't care! I'm happy with you in my life! I don't need anything else, including a baby! They scream and drool and smell and keep people awake! Yes they're cute, and holding them is great, but it's better when you can give them back!" I let out a sigh as my words had exhausted me.
"Does that mean that this would still apply if I were human?"
"That would be different!" I was really getting exasperated with him now.
"Tell me why?" He lay back by my side again looking at me intently.
"Because then it would be an option!" There was no tone left in my voice, like it was an automated response "But it's not and that's fine with me.
"You use the term fine to loosely Bella." He chuckled so at least panic had well and truly taken a hike. "There would be nothing I wouldn't do for you and if there were anyway I could give you that... I would..."
That was when I realised just how much this did bother him. I never even thought that he would have considered children.
I don't know why I thought he wouldn't have. I knew that Rosalie and Esme had a hard time with it but I never pegged Edward as the paternal kind. Not that I didn't think he be a great father if he got the chance.
Our conversation seemed to smooth over his anxiety; after we discussed it some more and I'd assured him that I understood all the consequences of what I wanted. So yet again, my alterations were back on. More to the point they were set for tomorrow. I wanted to strike while the iron was hot. That way the others would be back before my three days were up and there would be enough of them to contain me if needed when I woke up.
Oh my God I was really going to do this.
The rest of the evening was spent watching the night sky. There seemed to be millions more stars visible from here without all the light pollution from the town. It was beautiful.
Just then a shooting star blazed across the black canvas above us, we both sat up to watch it as it disappeared towards the horizon.
"Make a wish Bella"
Make a wish, one simple wish...I wish I could give Edward everything he'd ever wanted.
"What did you wish for?" He asked as we lay back down in each other's arms.
"I wished for you" He smiled at my reply. It wasn't a lie, I had wish for him.
How Do you Say goodbye?
Edwards POV
Considering our arrangements last night, Bella slept surprisingly well. She hardly said a word all night and had actually snored a little. I had a really hard time not to laugh too hard; I didn't want to wake her up. This would be the last night's sleep she would have to dream.
I still didn't like the idea but I'd come to the conclusion that this woman was prepared to give everything up...for me? I didn't get why she would do that but she wanted to, to be with me. I had to admit that my selfish side won over and wanted her to myself forever. So I would give into her tonight, our last night alone before the others came back.
Bella's POV
You would think that on the eve of your own death, knowing that it was coming, would make even the strongest willed person scared.
But I wasn't; even after my dream in which Edward killed me, I still couldn't wait to face my fate.
The day past relatively slowly; Edward had made me a huge breakfast that I couldn't finish, then I'd rung my Dad to test the water, I figured I'd give him a chance to change his mind or if he hadn't, to say goodbye. Even though I was still mad at him, I couldn't help but shed silent tears when he'd said his mind was made up and it wasn't going to change. I'd kept calm until I'd replaced the receiver. Edward had wrapped himself around me resting his head on my shoulder.
"I'm sorry it wasn't what you wanted to hear." He sighed into my ear.
Then I'd called my mom and that was brutal. I kept picturing my Aunt Gina's face from the funeral, and decided against filling her in with the same information I had to Charlie.
"Honey how are you?" She squealed. "How's Edward? I haven't heard from you in so long!"
"Were great mom. How are you and Phil?" I replied; the lump in my throat already rising.
"Oh well, you know Phil! And I'm great, better for hearing you're voice..." She ploughed on about how she missed me and couldn't wait for us to visit. It didn't take long for her to pick up on the upset in my voice. "Honey what's wrong?"
"Nothing mom I'm fine." I lied
"Don't give me that! I know when something's wrong with you Isabella Swa....Cullen, huh that's still weird."
I couldn't help but smile at her. "It's nothing really, probably just pms." I knew she wouldn't question that, she new how I got when I got my period.
I could get really bad with the crying and mood swings. One time I'd even cried at a milk advert! Just because it upset me that the girl never put the milk back in the fridge! I was bawling at the TV, that now her mother would have to go out in the cold to get some more. Then I went through a whole scenario in my head where, she'd be out to get it from the store and it would be icy and she'd crash her car and then the little girl would be lonely and... Anyway, the point was, I cried like a baby at anything when nit was that time of the month.
We talked for what felt like hours and it nearly killed me when she started to reminisce about when I was a little girl; how she'd watched me blossom into a beautiful woman before her eyes.
"You know, when I watched you walk down that isle... My baby girl..." I could tell from her voice that she'd caved too. "I was so proud of you. My little girl was standing there as a beautiful young woman with a great guy stood waiting for you. I saw the look on his face
Bella and I knew you'd be okay; I new with the look in his eye how much he loved you and that he would take care of you. That was the only way I could cope with the fact I was losing you baby, knowing that you'd be looked after by someone like Edward. He's a wonderful Man."
"I know he is mom, you have no idea..." My eyes were now completely obscured with tears now.
"Oh okay honey." The sound was muffled. "Bella honey I got to go, Phil's got this thing and... we're already running late..." Her words starting to hurry in here haste.
"You should have said! I'd have let you go..."
"What and miss your voice, no way!" Listen I'll talk to you later okay?" She quizzed
No mom you won't I thought.
"Okay honey bye..."
"Mom!" I couldn't help but shout down the phone, I had to say this.
"What is it honey?" She was so oblivious.
"I...I love you... so much!" Then I crumbled into a pile on the floor.
"I love you too honey; always and unconditionally. I really have to go though. Bye sweetie." Then the line went dead.
"Goodbye mom." I carried on regardless.
My tears were relentless. Edward just held me there on the floor.
"Bella this is too hard..."
"No Edward! Its okay, that was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, the hardest thing was living without you. I can't do to you what I just did to my mother; it would literally kill me to try." I looked up into his pained eyes and smiled. I dried my eyes before getting to my knees and turning to face him. I took his hand in mine. "I mean that Edward."
Love changes everything
Edwards Pov
I knew beyond doubt after witnessing Bella tell her mother goodbye, that this really was meant to be. I was going to spend the rest of my eternity, how ever long that may be with this beautiful woman that I treasured more than anything.
It took a while for her to stop her tears. When they finally stopped she'd continued to convulse every now and again with aftershocks. But she regained her composure perfectly.
We spent the rest of the day talking about her change. She wanted to know exactly what to expect and how best to cope with it. I could only tell her that everyone I'd talked to had said that it had been different for them all.
"Every single one of us had the...burning though. Bella I can't lie, it's the worst pain I ever remember going though." I couldn't help but tightly shut my eyes at the memory. I could still remember too vividly what it felt like and I didn't relish the fact that I would be putting her through that same pain.
"I have the thought of you to get me through it Edward." Her voice was suddenly calm and filled with love.
She reached up and touched my face. Her hand was so warm and soft; I turned my cheek to kiss her palm. And she smiled at me before getting up and closing the gap between us. I welcomed her onto my lap and into my arms. Her hand wound around my neck and my body's craving for her kicked up a gear. Our mouths met and tongues toyed with each other.
Her sweet scent enveloped every fibre of my being and I new this was it. Our time was almost up. Once we stared this there'd be no stopping what was to follow and I was suddenly at peace with that; I almost welcomed the prospect.
We kissed for what seemed like an age; neither one of us in a rush with our love.
I found myself lifting her in my arms; slowly ascending the stairs. We never once broke our kiss as I pushed open the bedroom door and closed it again behind us.
I laid her down on the covers carefully before resuming our kiss. I let my body hover over hers, then, gently lowered myself onto her allowing only the slightest pressure of my weight to push against her. Even though it was very gentle and exaggerated, the growing desire within me continued to rise. I felt her hand tugging on the buttons of my shirt as I found my way to the zipper on the front of her sweater. I felt like a child opening a gift on Christmas morning as I felt it's resistance at being pulled down. Bella had always felt like a gift to me, one to be respected and cherished.
When we were through with each others clothes we lay there for a while; never taking our eyes off one another. My hand traced down her throat and down the middle of her chest; finally settling into little circles around her belly button. Who'd have thought that something so small could entrance a man? I leaned down and kissed it delicately, enjoying my wife's responsive arch of her back. I couldn't help but smile as I kissed it again to be met with the very same action. I moved and found myself kissing down her thigh until I reached her knee. Placing a hand in its crook, I pulled it gently up and around my hip. Bella moaned and wrapped her arms back around my collar, while she weaved her fingers through my hair. The sensation was amazing, I felt as if my brain might melt under her touch. Bella was now pulling at me to change my position which meant she was done with the playtime. It amazed me how we could silently tell each other what we wanted like this.
Our body's finally merged and we were lost in the entire experience of each other once again. I never grew tired of this contact with my wife. It was the most extraordinary experience I'd ever had to feel my body behaving and reacting like this.
Bella was almost silent except for the low moans and gasps she emitted often. I didn't mind she wasn't her usual vocal self because this was different than any other time we'd spent together like this. I felt stronger and more intense than it ever had. Bella's head pushed back into the pillow as her eyes rolled up and her eyes fluttered shut. I was kind of glad because I could feel my own body racing to the same place as hers. Her body rocked forcefully underneath me and I new she was there. I lowered my head, feeling the building tension almost peaking within me, and whispered in her ear.
"Bella... are you sure." My breathing was laboured and echoed off of her skin and back onto my own.
"Yes." She touched her head to mine to look in my eyes as my body found the sweet release it longed for. She reached her mouth to my own allowing our tongues to dance with each other; though my mouth eventually left hers and kissed its way down the column of her throat. My mouth was now swimming with the poison that would finally stop her beautiful beating heart, as I found the pulsing sweet spot that I now seemed to crave. Worry flooded my mind now as to whether or not I'd be able to stop myself, with no one else here to stop me if I couldn't, my sweet Bella would not stand a chance. NO! I loved Bella and would not let the monster within me defeat me in my quest to protect her now. I let myself leave her a few lingering kisses and I felt her smiling. My lips parted and my teeth ready...
Alice's POV
I'd just finished of a medium sized elk and was walking back to Jasper who had taken out one of the larger males. He held out his hand for me. I gently took it and twirled myself into his arms.
Jasper was an amazing hunter and my mind raced at the sight of his engaging dance with his prey. He leaned his head down and placed a delicate kiss on my nose; I couldn't help but wrinkle it back at him. He smiled one of his sweetest smiles reserved just for me.
That's when I saw it.
Bella and Edward were in each others arms in there room, I could feel the sweet atmosphere surrounding them. But something was wrong; this was different to the normal scenario of Bella becoming one of us that I was accustomed to seeing. I now no longer saw her changing and it worried me, I wanted to shout Carlisle, but my mind hadn't finished showing what it endeavoured to show me yet. As I watched there seemingly harmless final kisses for now at least, Edwards body bucked up in pain, no, agony! I could feel the panic rising within me."
"Alice what is it? What's happening? He probed gently so he didn't startle me with his concern.
"No Edward!" I couldn't help but call out.
I vaguely heard the rest of my family's voices gather round us and question what was happening.
Bella's POV
"Oh my God Edward! What is it? What's wrong?" I screamed as my body froze over where he lay on the floor by our bed, writhing like he was being tortured by a tazer gun. The cascading tears down my face were blurring my vision of him and I couldn't take it! I had no one here to even try to begin to explain what was happening to him, and there didn't seem to be anything I could do. All of a sudden he stopped and his eyes closed. He was still. "NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOO! I screamed at him. "You can't do this to me Edward! Not now! Please...Please? Not now. I need you!" I felt the scar on my heart tear wide and hard. "Please? Please? Please?" I begged in a whisper. "Edward! Please don't leave me?" I give up and closed my eyes in defeat. I lowered my face to his and kisses his still mouth and his Lips gave way to mine...And they were warm...Wait! That wasn't right? I lifted my head to look at him in shock. I gently laid my hand on his face only to find his skin warm and soft as in my skin kind of soft. What the...
Edward suddenly took in a huge breath, and gasped like he actually needed the oxygen.
His eyes flew open as I stared at him in disbelief. They blinked a few times as he looked to be taking in his surroundings. Our eyes met full on for the first time. My chocolate brown to his emerald green.
After a second a smile appeared on his face as he looked at me. I couldn't help but throw my arms around him and put my head on his warm heaving chest. Then the strangest sound I'd ever heard from Edward beat against my face.
His Heart was beating!!!