Author's Note: Sorry it's taken me a little longer to update - just haven't had much time to write recently.
Chapter Ten
Her arms crossed over her chest, Red stares Lorna over with an attentive eye. "How far along are you?" She questions, her accent much thicker than usual.
Lorna uncomfortably gulps as she turns from the sink to stare at the Russian chef. She's only twelve weeks into the pregnancy, how could she be showing so soon? And with all the vomiting she's done, she doesn't believe she could have gained that much weight. "With what?" She tries to play it off, not wanting anyone more to know about her pregnancy.
"Don't play dumb with me, Lorna," Red warns, giving a curt shake of the head. "I can sense a pregnancy from a mile away. How far are you? Ten—eleven weeks? This is from Mendez's nasty rape, I'm sure…that sick, disturbed, piece of shit…"
Looking down at her shoes, Lorna sighs and quietly mumbles, "Twelve."
Red walks closer to her, placing a comforting hand onto her shoulder. She peers in to her eyes with a slight concern seeping through her own. "And how long have you known about your pregnancy?"
"Since I went to see the doctor here…he gave me a pregnancy test and it came back positive," the petite Italian casually responds. She nervously fiddles with her fingers—displeased that the older inmate knows about her secret now as well.
"So, you decided to keep it a secret for what reason?" Red stares sternly down at her.
Lifting her head to face her, Lorna sighs and shrugs. "I just figured it's my business and no one else should be bothered with it… Besides, what can anyone do? It's my pregnancy, my baby—my problem to deal with. The whole prison don't need to know about it! I don't want them to know about it!"
"You are family, Lorna; you should have told Nicky and I about this! We want to help you through things like this; you shouldn't have to deal with this all on your own… We care about you—we want to help you! You think Nicky and I would tell anyone about it? Because we sure as hell wouldn't. You're right in saying that it is your business…but there are things in life that one person can't go through alone—being pregnant in prison with a rapist's baby is one of those."
Lorna crosses her arms defiantly over her chest. "What is having you and Nicky know about it gonna do?" She shakes her head angrily, staring down at the cold floor, "I'm fucking pregnant in prison…there's nothing you two can do to help me—you can't undo the pregnancy or change the rules here to allow babies…so what's the fucking point?!"
Red pulls the angry brunette into a comforting embrace, running her hand soothingly through her dark hair. "The point is so that you don't have to go through it alone. You're pregnant in prison, Lorna; you shouldn't be dealing with something like that on your own. You need moral support!"
Walking around the dorms, Lorna peeks into Nicky's cube to see if she is there. With the bushy-redhead not in sight, she is instead greeted by the other's bunkmate. "Oh, uh, hi Tricia," she says, looking over at the empty bed on the other side, "How are you?"
Tricia chuckles, peeping her eyes up over the book she's reading. "Hey, Morello. Just enjoyin' myself a good book over here—I assume you're looking for Nicky, yeah?" She flips a page in the book, still looking up at the brunette.
Lorna slightly nods her head. "Do you maybe know where she is or anything? I got somethin' important to tell her."
"She's probably in either the library or chapel—her two favorite places to listen to music."
Lorna wanders into the library, searching the aisles for her redheaded best friend. She smiles when she sees the wild-haired woman lying on the floor with headphones in her ears. Quietly, she walks over to her—giving a gentle tap to her shoulder, "Nicky…"
Hearing her name, Nicky opens her eyes to stare up into the brunette's brown ones. She shuts off the music and sits up, a warm smile spreading across her face. "Hey, kid," she says, pulling the smaller woman down to sit on her lap. Her hand runs softly through the waves of Lorna's brown hair.
"Look, I got somethin' to tell ya…it's not bad or nothin', at least I don't think it is." She starts off, her eyes peering nervously up at the redhead.
Nicky's arms wrap tight around Lorna's waist, pulling her closer to her body. Her fingertips trail softly up and down the outlines of the other's cheeks. "Go ahead, kid—what's up?" She looks softly into her eyes, cupping her face in her hands.
Letting out a long breathy sigh, Lorna glances down at her hands. "So, uh, ya know how Mendez kinda r-raped me and all that?"
"Not just kinda—he fully fucking raped you, Lorna!" The redhead infuriatingly interrupts, her eyes sternly staring into hers as she tightens her hold on her.
The brunette slowly nods her head and continues, "Yeah, well, uh—I'm pregnant… When I went to see the doctor here, he gave me a test and it-it came back positive."
"Lorna," Nicky softly says, stroking her cheeks tenderly, "That was three months ago…why the fuck did you not say anything sooner?! Why would you keep that from me and Red? Jesus kid—did you think we wouldn't care or something?! That fucking explains everything though…why you were puking all the time and refusing to eat—you did that just to hide your pregnancy?"
"I just – I didn't want to bother the two of you with it. It's-it's my problem, why should anyone else be dragged into it?" She looks down and nods to the other question, guilt rising inside. "Yes, I figured if I didn't eat than I wouldn't gain weight—at least not a noticeable amount. The puking was—and still is—from morning sickness."
Hearing that breaks the taller woman's heart. She pulls her closer so that Lorna's head is resting directly on her chest, her big eyes stare down at her with a very clear tenderness to them. "Lorna, how could you even think that kinda shit? You are fucking family to Red and I—your problems are our problems, kid. I've told ya before that you will not be suffering through anything alone in here and I meant that—we are taking care of you whether you want us to or not."
Her lips warmly press against the petite Italian's forehead, "Why would you go through all that fuckin' trouble to keep it hidden? You coulda harmed yourself by not eating enough—well and the baby too… You are really somethin' else, Lorna; you would put yourself through hell just to not "bother" the people who care about you." Nicky shakes her head sadly, stroking a hand through the other's hair.
"I'm sorry—I just don't need the entire prison to know about this. I don't want anyone else to know. It's my business. It's my baby!"
Nicky nods, kissing her softly on the head. "Neither of us will say a word, kid. But ya can't keep it a secret too long—you're gonna start showing and people will notice, baby. They're gonna figure it out. Ya gotta realize that. If you're worried people are gonna judge you or something because of your pregnancy, that's a bunch a bullshit! I'm not gonna let anyone say a damn word to you about it; I promise, kid."
Lorna sighs. "Well, I'm not saying a word to anyone else. If they figure it out on their own, whatever, but they ain't hearin' it from me." She peeps her eyes up to glance into the older woman's, "Do you think it's weird that I wanna keep my baby and take care of it? I know so many people would be disgusted to have a rapist's baby inside them…but it's just an innocent baby, ya know? He didn't do anything wrong."
"I think it's very strong of you to wanna keep the baby and raise it—you are one of the strongest people I've ever met, kid. You've gone through more rapes than anyone and you're still willing to take care of the babies you were forced to have; that's not something we see every day. You should be real proud a yourself, Lorna," Nicky replies, a gentle smile on her face as she stares down at her brunette best friend.
With a small smile of her own, Lorna wraps her arms around the taller woman's neck—embracing her graciously. "I doubt I'm the first woman to keep a rape-baby, but your words do mean so much to me, Nicky. You mean so much to me…" She presses her lips softly against the skin of the other's cheek.
"Aw shit, kid—is this turning in to 'we need to go to the chapel' time?" Nicky playfully jokes, her hands cupping around Lorna's face. She caresses her skin tenderly, peering heavily into her brown eyes.
"I wish," Lorna smiles, running her hand through Nicky's bush of thick curls. "But I gotta go drive the van soon, so we'll have to wait til' later for the chapel."
Smirking, Nicky nods her head and gives a tender kiss to the top of her head. "Dammit. Well, we'll just have to meet there later this evening—now won't we?"
Plopping down in the chair in Red's office, Nicky gives her a hard stare. She folds her arms angrily over her chest, "That fucking piece of shit Mendez got her pregnant, ma!" Her tone filled with rage—it repels her to know that Lorna will always have a reminder of what that man did to her.
Taking off her reading glasses, Red stares across at her daughter and nods her head. "Yes, Nicky, I know. I figured it out this morning when I saw her in the bathroom—she planned to keep this to herself; didn't think having anyone know would do anything to help her."
"You figured it out? That means if you hadn't a she'd never of said a thing to either of us… Jesus Christ! Why the fuck does she like suffering in silence?! Why, ma?!" Desperation clearly showing through the expression on Nicky's face while she gazes over at the older woman.
Red reaches over to grab a hold of the redhead's hands and strokes them soothingly. "Some people are more reserved than others, my dear Nicky, and there's nothing wrong with that. I don't think she likes to suffer alone; she just doesn't feel the need to have her personal life broadcasted around this place."
Rolling her eyes, Nicky exhales a deep breath. "Well, I'm not letting her go through this shit alone anymore. She's already been through way too much in the last several fucking months!" She slams her hands angrily against the table.
Once Lorna gets back to the prison – after an hour of van duties – she's called down to the visitation area to be greeted by her older sister. She gives a kind smile to her, walking over and pulling her in for a tight embrace. "It's good to see ya," she says, squeezing her arms around the taller brunette's neck.
Franny smiles back, giving her a gentle squeeze before releasing the hug and sitting down across from her. "Good to see ya too, sis. You look really good—like you're finally takin' care of yourself again. I'm glad to see that. And you're starting to show a little bit; have ya told anyone about it?"
"Gee, thanks Fran," Lorna sarcastically responds, a displeased frown on her face. "Yes, I told ya I would…but I mean I'm not having the whole fucking place know about it!"
Reaching across the table, the older woman takes a hold of Lorna's hand and gives it a soothing squeeze. "As long as one or two other people know, that's good enough. I just don't want ya to go through this alone, Lorn, okay?" She stares concerningly into her eyes, a subtle firmness lying within her own.
Lorna slowly nods with a sigh. "I won't, Fran," she replies, giving a small smile to assure her sister. "I guess the good thing is that there's still all the baby stuff from Emilio…at least I hope you guys didn't throw his stuff out…"
"We haven't touched the nursery—none of us can bare to go in there, Lorna. Toni asks all the time where the baby is and it gets harder each time that I have to explain to him that his cousin's gone. Ya sure ya wanna use his stuff for the new baby? I mean ya don't even know what it is yet—what if it's a girl?"
"I'm sorry—I haven't even thought of how hard it is for you and your kids…He was your nephew, of course it's hard for you!" Lorna feels a pang of guilt wax in her chest. She grabs Franny's hand and squeezes it tight, looking sadly across at her, "I-I don't know. I mean the crib—it could work for whatever gender and it's not like I'm gonna throw any of his stuff out! If I have a girl then we'll have to buy her new clothes…but there's no way in hell I will ever throw Emilio's things away—that's all I have to remember him by, Franny!"
The older woman sighs but nods her head – knowing she's right. "Well, we'll leave his nursery as is and when ya get outta here you can do what ya want with it. This new little one can share a room with my youngest for now."
At dinner that evening, Lorna decides to inform the rest of the family about her pregnancy—at least that way, she'll have less people to fool. She looks at Nicky, who's sitting beside her already chowing down on the overcooked hamburger, and gives a gentle tug on her arm. "I'm kinda thinkin' about telling the rest of your family about my pregnancy."
"Our family, kid," Nicky tenderly corrects, wrapping a protective arm around her shoulder. She presses a small kiss down to her head. "And I think that's a smart idea. Ya don't have to be so secretive now, and none of them will judge you for it—everyone knows what happened."
Lorna just smiles and nods, taking a bite of a French fry as they wait for the rest of the women to join them. When they are all seated, and eating – a few minutes later – she clears her throat to get their attention. "There's somethin' I'd like to tell ya guys," she nervously starts off, staring at them as all their eyes on her. "I—I'm kinda pregnant and uh if all a ya could just keep it to yourselves, that'd be real appreciated."
Nicky's arm wraps tighter around her shoulder, giving her a comforting squeeze as she looks at the three other women with a stern gleam in her big eyes.
"Shit—is this from what that Mendez did to ya, Morello?" Tricia questions, staring sympathetically at her.
Lorna sadly nods. "Yeah—I'm twelve weeks pregnant and it's all thanks to him." She stuffs another fry into her mouth, closing her eyes for a moment.
Yoga Jones feels a pang of empathy creep up inside her as she looks over at the Italian with sorrow in her eyes. "I'm so sorry to hear this, Morello. That's awful that you have to deal with this pregnancy. What are you planning to do? If you don't mind my asking, of course."
Swallowing a huge mouthful, Lorna smiles kindly at her and shakes her head. "No, I don't mind," she replies while crunching down on another fry. "I plan to keep my baby, of course. My sister and brother will take care of him until I get outta here. He's my baby—regardless of how he was made and there's no way in hell I'd ever kill him or give him to strangers. Especially not after what happened to Emilio…there's no way I can lose another baby!"
Tricia's eyebrows arch, "You're having a boy? Isn't twelve weeks kinda early to find out a baby's gender?"
"I hope so but I don't know for sure—I just don't wanna call my baby an it," the brunette answers, her eyes peering down at her stomach as if to see her baby's face.
"I think that's very brave and strong of you to do, Morello. Few women would be able to raise a baby from rape," Yoga Jones sincerely says.
Sitting on the other side of Lorna, Alex nods her head in agreement with the yoga instructor. "Jones is right; you're one brave woman to be able to raise a rapist's baby," she says, a sympathetic smile on her face. "But, uh, who's Emilio?"
The whole table becomes eerily quiet as everyone's eyes on Lorna. Nicky pulls her closer, running a hand soothingly through her hair in an effort to keep her from getting too upset.
Lorna bites her lip and stares at the confused woman beside her. "Emilio is—was—my son. He died in a car accident a few months ago and he-he was only eight months old!" A few tears fall from her eyes, landing on her tray. She shakes her head, gathers the tray, and tearfully leaves the cafeteria—not in the mood to socialize anymore.
"Oh shit, I'm sorry I asked," the black-haired inmate says, giving an apologetic stare to Nicky.
Nicky shakes her head as she gathers her own things. "It's not your fault—you didn't know," she assures her before leaving to go find her distressed best friend.
The sound of familiar crying brings Nicky to the chapel. She follows it to the back where she sees Lorna curled up on the floor behind the organ. Her heart soars at the sight. She gently approaches her, crouching down beside as she pulls her off the floor and into her arms. "It's okay, kid—calm down. I've got ya," she soothes into her ear, pressing a tender kiss to the top of her head. "I know it's still hard for ya to talk about your son; she didn't mean to upset you, though; she just didn't know who he was."
Lorna slowly nods her head, clinging desperately onto the redhead. Her cries fade into sniffles as she looks up at her, "I-I know that…it's just so painful to even hear or say his name. You have no idea how horrible it feels to lose a child—a baby. It's the worst thing I've ever hadda go through, Nicky!"
Stroking a hand through her hair, Nicky sighs and looks softly down into her eyes. She nods. "I'm so sorry, Lorna—you don't deserve to go through this…you really fuckin' don't, kid," she lets her fingers caress tenderly against the short woman's cheeks. "I can't imagine what pain you're in, sweetie. But I'm here for ya and I'm gonna take care of you."
Her eyes puffy and red now from crying, Lorna sighs as she holds on tighter to Nicky. She looks up at her, peering deeply into her brown eyes. "I-I'm sorry, Nicky…We were supposed to come here to have sex tonight—not this. I'm sorry! Please don't hate me," she begs.
"Lorna, don't fucking apologize for feeling sad about your son! I understand. I'd rather you cry and let your emotions come out than have you hold them in and blow up one day," the taller woman firmly states, pulling her closer to her body. She cups her hands around Lorna's face and stares warmly into her eyes, shaking her head sadly. "Your well-being is more important than sex right now, kid. We can have sex whenever, it doesn't matter to me. What matters to me is you and how you're feeling. Don't hate you—why the fuck would I hate you, baby?!"
Nicky shakes her head even more as she realizes what makes her friend think that. She runs her hand through Lorna's hair and continues to stare softly into her eyes, "Why don't we go back to my bunk and lie down for a while? You could probably use a little nap, don't ya think kid?" She gently questions while standing up off the ground with her arms still wrapped around Lorna's waist.
Once they make it to Nicky's cube, she brings the brunette over to her bed and lays her down it. She gently gets in beside her and scoops her on top of her so that Lorna's head rests right on the middle of her chest. Her hands run soothing circles around her back as her lips press warmly against her head in a tender kiss. She pulls the blanket up to wrap carefully around them. "Sleep will do ya and the baby some good, kid," she says against her ear, tracing her fingers down her cheeks, "And besides, you're supposed to be napping once a day anyway now that you're in the second trimester. It's good for mood swings and helps relieve morning sickness."
Lorna stares up at her with a small smile. "And how do ya know all this, Nicky? Ya don't seem like the pregnancy expert type," she lightly laughs, but wraps her arms around her neck.
That smile melts Nicky's heart. She kisses her softly on the head while rubbing soothing circles around on her back. "I may have read a couple books while you were out driving the van. I was curious, ya know?"
"I find that to be real sweet of ya," the brunette beams a smile before a huge yawn overtakes her.
Nicky laughs as she pulls her closer and strokes her hair, "Ya better stop your yakkin' and get some sleep, kid. You're wearing yourself out!"
Early the next morning as Lorna is taking her shower, a red liquid starts to mix with the running water and immediately freaks her out. She timidly tilts her head down to see what's going on and practically screams when she sees the amount of blood coming out of her. Her hands shakily turn off the water, reaching up to the railing for her towel—she wraps herself in it and steps out of the stall. Weakly, she makes her way over to the bench and sits down, trying to gather herself. She feels light-headed and faint—blood keeps coming from down below, pooling around her on the seat.
"Lorna? Lorna, you're bleeding!" Alex shrieks, worriedly staring her over as she walks towards her. "What happened? Did you fall—did someone hurt you?" She gingerly sits down beside her, taking her hands into her own while she peers concerningly into her eyes.
Emotionless, Lorna turns to stare at the older woman and shrugs her shoulders. "I-I d-don't know why I'm bleeding," she weakly replies, her legs trembling beneath her. "I think-I think I might be having a miscarriage…" Tears form in her eyes at the thought of losing another baby.
The dark-haired woman wraps her in a comforting embrace, looking sympathetically down at her, "I'm taking you to Nicky. You need her right now, especially if that's the reason for this." She stands up – helping Lorna to stand as well – and grabs her hand as she leads her out of the bathroom and in the direction of Nicky's cube.
Nicky's just – reluctantly – made her bed when she sees Alex carrying a very pale Lorna towards her cube. Her heart shatters at the deathly sight of her and even more so at the trail of blood that follows her. She walks over to them, her eyes filled with worry and concern. "What's the matter? What happened to Lorna?"
Finally reaching where the redhead is standing, Alex sighs as she carefully places the faint Lorna into her arms. She gives a small shrug, "I don't exactly know for sure but I saw her sitting on the bench near the shower stalls and blood was surrounding her—and still is. She thinks she might be miscarrying, and by the amount of blood that's coming out, I think she may be right."
"Oh fuck," Nicky says, her arms wrapping snug around Lorna's shaking body. She holds her tight against her chest while running a hand soothingly up and down her back, "Lorna, baby, I'm so sorry…I'm so sorry you have to fucking go through this shit again!" Her lips press warmly on the top of her head as she tries to bring any amount of comfort to her. It breaks her heart that she has to deal with even more pain.