Past
The day had finally come, Jon was leaving tomorrow. They had all gathered at his house for a final goodbye. His mother had ordered pizza and let them have run of the backyard. They sat eating pizza and sipping on beers that Theon had smuggled over. Lyanna was pretty laid back, but they weren't sure she would be ok with 6 teenagers drinking in her yard, especially since Arya was barely 14.
"I have to say I'm jealous Snow, you're gonna have access to all those co-eds and I'll just be stuck here, in night classes, with a bunch of working "nontraditional" student moms," Theon lamented.
"That's your own fault," Robb teased him, "With your grades you're lucky to even have that option, you barely made it out of high school."
"And that was mainly just the administration having mercy on the teachers so they didn't have to put up with you for another year," Jon added on.
Theon scoffed, "I was not that bad! But at least if I'd stayed back I would've still had easy access to high school girls."
"Oh, because access was the issue!" Jenye said, it was meant to be a tease but then she blushed. Jeyne's crush on Theon had long been an open secret so she knew everyone thought she was speaking about herself.
"Well some high school girls are just too good for the likes of Theon," Jon laughed, his eyes locked with Sansa as he took a long drink of beer.
Sansa felt a shiver run through her, long looks from Jon always sent electricity through her.
They still had not talked about what would happen now that he was leaving. The only time they had even come close was the afternoon in his room when his mother had called and interrupted them, but in the end they had just agreed to enjoy the time they had remaining and worry about it later. So they had continued on with stolen moments and kisses and Jon held to his vow not to have sex with her, much to Sansa's frustration. She was still young enough to think that the act alone would somehow bind him to her forever, distance be damned.
"Well, it's an end of an era, the fellowship is broken," Robb declared, quoting one of his favorite movies.
"So it begins," Arya giggled.
Sansa rolled her eyes, here we go, she thought, always with that stupid movie.
"Are you frightened?" Theon asked.
"Yes," Jon said in his best frightened rasp.
"Not nearly frightened enough," Theon replied.
"One does not simply walk…" Robb trailed off as Lyanna appeared in the yard and they all scrambled to hide their beers.
"Do you kids need anything else?" she asked, eyeing them suspiciously, their scurrying was not lost on her.
"I think we're fine mom," Jon told her.
"Ok but don't stay up too late, we need to get an early start and we still have to pack the car in the morning. I can't believe it's already time for my baby boy to leave me," Lyanna stated.
"Mom," Jon groaned, "you'll have me all to yourself tomorrow, try to save your lamentations till then."
"I know, I know," Lyanna laughed. She tussled his hair and headed back into the house.
"I suppose that was our cue then," Robb said with resignation.
"I suppose so," Jon said rising to his feet.
They all began to hug and say goodbye. They promised to stay in touch, that they would be reunited at Thanksgiving. Sansa knew they all meant it now, but she also knew things would be different by then, there was no stopping the changes that came with time. She had the sad realization that the fellowship really might be over.
She was the last to say goodbye to him. Jon hugged her tightly, breathing in her scent. "Meet me at midnight, at Wintertown Park, I want to have a real goodbye with you," he breathed in her ear.
She nodded into his shoulder and pulled back.
"Until later," she whispered with a hint of a smile before she turned to follow Robb and Arya to the car.
—
Sansa snuck out of the house and made her way to the park. She spotted Jon's car in the parking lot and made her way over to him, opened the door and slid in the passenger seat.
Jon turned to her and gave her a small sad smile, it caused her heart to skip a beat. "I thought we deserved a proper goodbye," he said reaching for her. He had wrestled with himself intensely for the last couple of weeks but he had finally reached a decision. He kissed her. It was tender and sweet, but Sansa tasted a hint of bitter finality she did not care for.
"I'm glad we had the summer," he whispered as they parted.
Sansa had learned to read Jon fairly well and could feel he was going to try and end it here. The logical part of her knew it made the most sense, they were not on the same path at the moment, but she did not want to hear it. She pulled his face to hers, kissing him desperately and swung over into his lap, she reached down and pulled the lever on the seat causing them to tumble back. He laughed into her lips and continued to kiss her.
She pulled her shirt over her head, revealing a tiny white lace bra. Jon hummed in approval and briefly wondered how she'd snuck something like that past her mother. She guided his hand to her breast and nibbled his ear. She had him pinned beneath and he wished more than anything that he could just let this happen. She felt amazing, warm and soft and real; he wanted nothing more than to bury himself in her and not come up for air, but he knew it would be wrong, he had made himself a promise he wouldn't.
He suddenly realized she had pulled his shirt off as well and her warm flesh against his was about to make him break that promise. Her hands were starting to travel down his stomach towards his pants. He took her face in his hands and slowly drew her back.
"This isn't right," he whispered in a low husk.
"Don't you want me?" She asked, her voice trembling.
He kissed her softly and drew her back again, "Dear god you have no idea how much I do, but it won't be right. I'm leaving tomorrow. And our… your 1st time should not be in a car in the park, it can't end with you walking home and me driving away. I can promise you this, if this were ever to happen, we are going wake up in each other's arms the following morning."
"I don't care about that," she whined.
"Well I do, this can't happen now, Sansa."
She pouted and rolled her hips. Jon shudder, his body betraying him. "Are you sure?" she asked wickedly, feeling the hardness under her.
"Regrettably sure."
Sansa huffed and rolled back into the passenger seat. Jon handed her her shirt. She took it and pulled it on with an angry flourish.
"I'm going to miss that angry pout," he teased.
"So where does this leave us then?" She blurted out.
He barked out an uncomfortable laugh. She shot him a serious look.
"I don't want to make any promises to you when I'm unsure if I can keep them. I've never been away from home like this. And you're headed back to school, there'll be dances, parties, things you'll want to share with someone….."
"I don't care about any of that stuff."
"That's a lie, and even if it was true you will at some point. You deserve to experience all those things, to have those memories, I can't hold you back from that, make you miss out."
"Don't be so noble Jon."
His mother had always told him he had an old soul and he realized in that moment Sansa was young; beautiful and strong but young. She didn't realize what she was wanting to give up to be with him. He treasured the memories he had of high school, of parties, dances, football games with Robb and Theon. If she skipped those things she would only come to resent him later and he hated the thought of that. And if he was truly being honest with himself he wanted the chanced to experience life in college, to be responsible for only himself, no worrying about his mom, about Theon, about a girlfriend back home. It might be selfish but he felt he owed it so himself to at least give himself the chance to have that experience.
"It's far from noble," he said bitterly.
"But none of that matters to me if I can be with you. I lo…." she started to argue. Jon panic, he couldn't let her say those words, not now, it would make everything too painful for both of them.
"But that's the thing Sansa, you won't have me, I won't be here," he interrupted her, he felt agitated and it come out in his voice.
Sansa narrowed her eyes at him. "Then why did you start this? Why did you kiss me at the lake? Tell me all those things when you knew you would be leaving? You just wanted a summer fling? Some story to share with your new college friends during a late night study session?"
Jon was taken aback by how angry she was, he had not wanted them to part like this.
"Was this some game? Are you using me?"
"Using you?! I have resisted every offer you have made of yourself!" He yelled in frustration. He regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. Her expression registered as if he had slapped her. "Sansa….." he attempted to reach for her.
She pushed his hands back towards him and glared at him. "I guess we're both lucky you have such strong self-control, less to regret that way."
"Sansa, please, I didn't mean it like that. I just…. I was never using you, you can't really think that? I care about you, you know I do, it's just the timing… I'm sorry," he struggled to find the words. He wished he could explain to her how he had struggled and lost countless hours of sleep asking himself the same questions, why he had decided this summer was the time to make his move, why had he only allowed them such a short time to be together?
She stared at him, her face drawn and pained, it felt like a weight had been placed on his chest. He never wanted to hurt her, but won't it hurt worse if he promised her they could be together and then they never saw each other or grew apart? He wanted to save them both prolonged pain, why couldn't she see that? Who found their soul mate at 18 anyways? She was being naïve and Jon felt his frustration growing.
"I'm not trying to say never, this summer has been amazing, I wish it would never end. But…. I just…. Sansa I can't promise you something more right now, I won't lie to you like that."
Her expression remained unchanged but she realized there was no chance of changing Jon's mind when he thought he was doing the right thing. After a long pause she finally shrugged, "I should go before anyone figures out I'm gone."
He reached towards her and this time she did not push him away. He placed his palm on her cheek and kissed her softly one last time, trying to memorize the way she tasted, how the softness of her lips melded into his.
"I do care about you Sansa. I know we won't be together but if you ever need me…" he began.
"I'm sure I'll be fine, maybe I'll see you at Thanksgiving, enjoy college," she cut him off and opened the door. "Farwell Snow."
Before he could say another word she was out the door, closing it forcibly behind her and started back across the parking lot. He watched her go for a moment before he leaned his head forward unto the steering wheel trying to gather himself. He missed seeing her turn back and look at the car with one last hope that he would change his mind. She counted to five and when there was no movement in the car she turned and continued to walk away brushing away the tears that had started cascading down her face.