Ah, yes another chapter is done, the longest one so far also. Sorry to keep you guys waiting but I want it to be good if I'm going to post it. I hope you enjoy this one as much as the chapters before! Big thanks to the generous reviewers who has reviewed several times and to those who dropped a review every now and then. It makes an author happy! Enough with the talking and on with the story!
--
Third person point of view
-"Talking"
Shizuru's thoughts
(Natsuki's thoughts)
"Television"
--
Disclaimer: Nothing to own just something to share...except the plot.
--
Everything else happened in a blur. From the support-units in burst to the trip to the hospital
happened quickly. Maybe because she never really paid any attention to it or perhaps she was too
focused on her injured lover. When they wanted to separate her from her girlfriend she refused to let
go simply clinging onto the unconscious body. In the end they allowed her to travel in the same
vehicle as Natsuki which she was thankful of. Now sitting beside her she felt tired but anxious. A
head injury is a serious matter and that Shizuru knew, she did not know the details of the
complications but assumed that it could lead into many different grave complications. What concerned
her most was the uneasiness she felt when witnessing a usual strong woman seem so fragile.
Her face looks paler, her hands a diminutive colder than usual and she even seem a little bit
smaller.
With sad eyes she could only watch them carry her inside the emergency sector since she was not
allowed to follow. Sitting in the waiting room counting each second passed, it was driving her crazy
not knowing what went on behind those closed doors. Her accustomed calm demeanor was fading. The
incident was replayed in her head and every tiny detail was noticed but already too late. She could
suddenly think much clearer and the other possible solutions presented themselves. She was upset with
herself for letting such a thing ensue. She was too careless. She was fully aware that she would not
receive a second chance but some part of her still wished. If achievable she would like to take
Natsuki's place, the pain she is going through or possibly will. Her head was slightly bowed with
chestnut hair sheltering her from the outside world from seeing her miserable face. People would stop
just to sneak a glance at the beauty sitting there even with the obvious pain she possessed
exquisiteness hard to not notice. But just this one she wished they would just pass her by and let
her be alone with her thoughts. The emergency door suddenly opened making her almost jump out of
restlessness. Quickly in front of the doctor she stopped him to ask about her lover's condition, the
look he gave her did not seem to help at all.
-"How is she, doctor?"
His eyes were darting back and forward, searching for the correct words.
-"She has received a severe blow to the back of her head and we have confirmed she has a domestic
bleeding. The problem is that we cannot determine what consequences it will bring until she regains
consciousness. We can only wait and see. But I would advice you to prepare yourself mentally."
-"I understand. May I see her?"
-"Of course! She is currently resting in room 286."
"Thank you, doctor."
Her voice was steady but her mind was in turmoil. She felt like screaming. Every pain would be thrown
out in anger. But she knew that she had to remain strong, not for herself but for Natsuki. This
thought provided her the determination needed at the moment and her composed self returned. She
walked those hallways that seemed endless, the white walls which were necessarily for freshness but
now only seemed cold and gloomy.
She is not suited for a place such as this. She was not meant to be here, by no means.
Door by door and room by room she passed by, colorless everywhere with a bed and a small window
making it easier to see in. Privacy was not an option. She abruptly halted her advance when she saw
her midnight haired lover sleeping in one of those pale rooms. Somehow that room seemed a
lot...better than others. Shizuru's heart ached when Natsuki seemed to blend in with the white sheets
wrapped around her. She walked closer to the window and placed a hand on the glass that presently
separated them. With sad eyes and a heavy heart she watched Natsuki's chest rise and fall. Caressing
the window as if touching Natsuki and remembering how it felt she held back a sob. After a while it
seemed impossible and she broke down in tears, no longer able to stand since her legs gave out on
her. Her hand slide down from the window and she sat outside Natsuki's room and cried, allowing
herself to fully let out every pent up emotion and accepting the harsh challenge ahead.
--
Later after composing herself she quietly entered the room, making sure to shun every possible sound.
She was afraid of disturbing the sleeping beauty. Silently pulling a chair and placed it beside
Natsuki's bed, as close as possible. She reached out to brush away a few strands of azure then
proceeded into entwining their fingers together. It would make a joyful depiction if not for the
surrounding whiteness. Shizuru was trying to enjoy this peaceful moment to its fullest, unaware that
she was gentle caressing her lover's hand. Natsuki's hand jerked a little and afterwards she seemed
to slowly awake. Her eyes seemed reluctant to open up and she was still very tired. She looked around
and was trying to figure out where she was. Shizuru seemed to have become speechless and uncertain of
what to say.
-"Natsuki..."
It was a quiet whisper not intended to be heard but Natsuki quickly turned her head to where the
sound came from. She suddenly became aware of the hand that held hers. With her free hand she rubbed
her eyes, obviously tired.
-"Shizuru! How long have I been out?"
-"A couple of hours, I would believe."
-"And I'm still so tired. It's already dark outside."
-"Yes, it is still in the middle of the night. Natsuki continue sleeping at this hour."
-"But why are you here, Shizuru? Shouldn't't you be home?"
-"I prefer being beside my Natsuki. I also promised to be present when you awoke. I intend on
keeping my word. Do not worry about me. Sleep."
-"Fine, not like I have the energy to fight."
Natsuki let out a yawn and fell asleep as promptly as she woke up. A nurse chose to enter the room
and covered her eyes.
-"Oh, dear! Such a blinding light! The white wall doesn't make it any better. Should I close the
curtains?"
-"No, thank you. It does not compose a difference at any rate."
-"Oh...okay. Well then I'll take my leave."
She closed the door but Shizuru took no notice. She had other matters to concern over. She needed to
speak with the doctor for a second time.
--
-"Yamamoto-san, was it?"
-"Uh...yes."
Her expression was one of politeness and seemed a calm one but her tone suggested something else. Her
intense gaze made the ever calm doctor squirm in his seat. He had done several intense and
complicated cases but never felt this nervous. Those red orbs was making him terrified.
-"Would you kindly explain the patient's current situation?"
-"Well…you see…"
-"Now dear doctor speak up. There is no need for you to hesitate in speaking the truth. I can handle
it."
-"Yes...now as we previously determined was the possibility of further damage caused by the inner
bleeding but due to lack of observation possibilities we couldn't determine exactly which was
affected. Miss Kuga has made a quick awakening that expected and it seems that the blood has
collected on one spot. The pressure from it has blocked the transmission between the visual cortex
and the brain. This has made her lose her sight."
-"Will she be able to recover?"
-"That's where the difficulties lie. We cannot tell you that this is only a temporary face but we cannot either say it's permanent. If the blood dissolves then she will regain her sight but..."
-"...If it remains then she will forever live in complete darkness."
Shizuru finished the sentence for the doctor. She suspected this outcome but saying the words seemed
even more painful and made her realize how cruel this world was.
She will face complete darkness while my world becomes colorless. I wonder which is the most
frightening one? Black or white? I guess a colorful one is the best after all.
-"I'm afraid that's the case. I'm sorry but that's all we know even with today's modern
technology."
-"Thank you for your effort, doctor. If you will excuse me I shall take my leave..."
Gracefully as always she rose from her seat and maintained it all the way through the door. The
doctor watched with pity in his eyes and shook his head, to the clear turmoil this elegant woman was
experiencing.
--
Deeply in her thoughts Shizuru found her way back to Natsuki's room. She was struggling with the
best and most painless way of telling her precious of her current situation. None seemed like a good
way. Sudden yelling and loud sounds of anger woke her up from her daze. The most dominant voice was
frighting familiar:
-"Let go of me! Turn on the damn lights! Who the hell are you people!? Where's Shizuru!? You
bastards if you've hurt her I'll kick your ass until you've got 8 butt-cheeks!"
Many nurses and doctors rushed into the room to restrain the out-of-control patient. Feeling panic
Shizuru quickly rushed inside. Seeing about 12 people trying to restrain Natsuki made her blood boil
but she needed to remain focused.
-"Natsuki!"
Her powerful voice echoed inside the room it was not loud but firm. It succeeded in halting
Natsuki's attempt of struggling.
-"Shizuru?"
She seemed a lot smaller and her voice was full of worry. She seemed so vulnerable. Upon waking up
and seeing nothing but darkness. When a hand suddenly grabbed old of her and it clearly was
unfamiliar, panic struck her. Struggling against opponents who seemed to multiply themselves and on
top of that invisible made her instincts take over. She was scared and when a familiar voice called
out on her, her defense stance broke. Now all she cared about was to feel the security and calm down.
Natsuki knew something was wrong and above all she wished for someone she trusted to tell her
everything would be alright. Shizuru could feel the insecurity and fear. She pushed aside everyone
and quickly embraced her confused girlfriend, rocking her back and forth whispering soothing words.
Everybody silently left the room giving them the much needed privacy.
--
-"What's happening to me, Shizuru?"
Natsuki used her fingers and trailed over Shizuru's face: eyelids, nose, chin and lips. She could
feel them but not see them. Her hands began to shake.
-"I can't even see you..."
The strong voice ended in a low whisper.
-"You have received a powerful blow to your head which caused internal bleeding blocking the
communication between your brain and eyes."
Shizuru kept distancing herself by focusing on the facts but it was difficult, ignoring the sad look
from Natsuki.
-"Is it...is it permanent? I'll be okay soon, right?"
It broke our usual resolute president's heart seeing the hope lit up when she could not support it.
-"They do not know. It may be temporary or not."
-"So I can hope but not expect…try to adapt but not really accept."
-"I am sorry."
-"It's not your fault."
They both sat in silence. There were no words to say that could change anything. None made an attempt
of speaking and the walls seemed to rise in-between them again.
--
The days kept passing by and the exchanges of words seemed to decrease by each passing day. Nobody
really knew why things had become like this but it was evident a sudden gap had appeared. It kept
getting wider, it was not unstoppable, just that no one seemed to even try making it lesser. Shizuru
could use every opportunity to visit Natsuki, at lease twice a day, even with her schedule. Every
time she entered the room Natsuki would sit by the window. She would glance outside just sitting
there all day. It pained Shizuru to see her proud lover become so lifeless. Natsuki had a rough
childhood with many challenges and obstacles in the way. But she always defied them and until today
she had everything to proudly call herself successful. Where is that woman now? Simply sitting there
sulking and not fighting. Where is the proud warrior who always did things her way? Where is Kuga
Natsuki now?
Natsuki...
Shizuru would always sit beside her or behind. Ask her daily of her well being, sometimes she even
received a reply other times nothing but silence. But she persistently come and visits. Determinedly
asking and patiently waiting. She would sometimes bring tons of paperwork and sit in the room while
working. It would end with her spending the night there since she would eventually fall asleep. But
when she woke up a blanket would always cover her and maintain her warmth. It would always bring a
smile, since it told her Natsuki still cared. It was not over yet for them.
--
The days spending in the hospital were hard for Natsuki. She was constantly restless and the harsh
reality of things she no longer could do made her frustrated. But most of all she did not know where
to direct her anger. She was mad for her lack of sight. Without it she was of no help to anybody, not
even herself. She could hear the birds chirp but not see them, feel her lovers soft caress but not
see her beautiful face, smell and taste the horrible hospital food but not look at how it looked
like. She was never aware of the importance of the five senses most people were born with and what a
difference it was in losing one. She could even feel the warmth of the sun even though she was
sitting inside and she could imagine how blinding the light emitted would be but for her it was total
darkness. Nigh and day was black. It would not even matter which season it was, it was all the same.
Sure her other senses become a lot more sharpened. She had gained an advantage on four senses but
missing one still made her feel vulnerable. She never once regretted her actions on the day she saved
Shizuru but still she felt sad over her sacrifice. At that moment she did not care what price she
must pay for her lover's safety, it was worth it. But thinking it then and living with it everyday,
and possibly for the rest of her life, she felt like she had taken things too much for granted in the
past. Each day mulling over the confusing anger and guilt over even thinking of being mad at Shizuru
when it was her choice after all. Wishing for a tiny light of hope shining through in her darkness
which is why she spends her day by the window and quietly hoping. She was well aware of her lover's
constant visits and appreciated her concern but she could not bring herself to further burden
Shizuru's already heavy shoulders from work. So she kept her words and thoughts to herself. She knew
when Shizuru would come before she even knocked on the door. Natsuki recognized her footsteps against
the hard floor. Was it possible for footsteps to be graceful, the sound it produced? She must be the
only one capable of such a thing. It became something customary: the tapping sounds of familiar
steps, the polite knocking on the door, the familiar soothing voice greeting and asking, the rustling
sound of paper, scribbling sounds fro the pen, occasionally frustrated intakes of breath and then the
steady breathing from a sleeping president. Natsuki always made sure that Shizuru was deeply asleep
before approaching with a blanket draping it over her shoulders, keeping her warm instead of her. She
would then take her time to feel the soft texture of Shizuru's chestnut hair. Imaging it cascade from
her fingers falling neatly in place framing her lover's beautiful face. She would proceed into
cupping her cheek tracing her cheekbones to her jaw and stop when feeling her moist lips. Natsuki did
not know when she started this habit nor understand why she desperately needed to do this every night
before she could sleep peacefully. She just felt the need but only when Shizuru was unaware of it. It
was difficult for Natsuki to let Shizuru close to her heart but even more difficult to distance
herself when she had let her inside. She never doubted Shizuru's love for her. But she did not trust
herself to win over this fear and disappointment. Maybe it was best for them to separate. Without her
sight Natsuki felt close to worthless. Uncertainty was slowly eating her from the inside and the
undirected anger fueled it even more. She loved Shizuru, but could she overcome the obstacles ahead?
--
Natsuki's condition seemed to be stable and after a week hospitalized she was finally allowed to go
home but with strict instructions of frequent cheek-ups. Shizuru insisted that Natsuki came and lived
with her claiming that it would be better if she had someone by her side. Natsuki, being the stubborn
one, disapproved with fierce determination but soon fell victim to the famous "teary-eyed Shizuru"
despite not seeing her. Said and done she was soon taken home to Shizuru who happily called Suzushiro
to say that from now on she would do her part of work at home. Only answer she received was a grunt
but an apprehensive voice belonging to Yukino explained it meant "Good luck". Smiling Shizuru said
her goodbyes and gently put the phone back on its place. Feeling pleased with the progress so far she
went to find her Natsuki. A loud "crash" was heard and startled our usual calm president who
quickly rushed to Natsuki's side. When arriving in the kitchen she drew the conclusion that Natsuki
was trying to make herself a sandwich but when she was searching for a plate in the cabin accidently
pushed down almost every plate they had making them shatter on the floor.
-"Natsuki!"
Shizuru rapidly stopped her lover from attempting to pick up all the sharp pieces before she managed
to cut herself.
-"Here...let me handle this. I do not know what I will do if you injure yourself once more."
Starting to carefully picking up the shards, making sure not to leave a single flake, she started
humming. Natsuki simply stood there motionless. When Shizuru did not hear Natsuki leave she turned
around with a concerned face.
-"Is something wrong, Natsuki?"
"-...no. I'll just go sit down on the couch."
-"Very well, I will come join you after cleaning up."
Shizuru smiled and then sadness overwhelmed her when she realized that her lover could not see it.
She mentally scolded herself for thinking depressive thoughts again. She needed to stay happy for
emotional support. They would make it through. Further thoughts where halted when a loud "boom" was
heard followed by several curses. Somehow Natsuki had walked so that she bumped into the couch, due
to the fact that she was unprepared it hit only her lower body causing her to fall over the sofa,
rolling over and landing on the floor with a "thud". She was presently busy yelling profanities to
the supposedly innocent who Natsuki thought had deliberately stood in her way. Shizuru suppressed a
giggle but it soon stopped when she saw her lover's stressed out look.
-"Natsuki?"
-"I'm close to useless, aren't I? I can't even do simple things anymore...I just screw it up."
-"You are not worthless. You are merely having some small difficulties adjusting to your new
condition. Give it some time."
-"Okay..."
Natsuki was not convinced but she was too tired to argue any further. Besides it felt better thinking
as Shizuru said, she could still hope.
--
The next few days were full of anger and frustration. Many simple tasks required Shizuru's assistance
and it hurt her pride asking each and every time. She would stubbornly keep trying by herself until
she managed to break or hurt herself which would make Shizuru come running to help. It did not matter
if the tired president was sleeping or busy working she would easily push it aside for her lover, but
that did not make Natsuki feel any better. Natsuki's frustration kept growing and doubt was starting
to cloud her mind. Bottled up anger was a dangerous one. For when it cannot be suppressed any longer
it comes out as a vicious attack that always ends up in disaster.
-"Natsuki please calm down-"
-"No, I'm not gonna calm down! I can't even eat by myself! I don't want your help all the time! I
can't take this anymore!"
-"I can understand your frustration-"
-"No, you don't. You don't understand how humiliating it is for a grown-up to need help with
eating, showering, changing of clothes and even simply walking! I'm supposed to protect you but I
can't even walk around the corner without you holding my hand like a child! You don't understand.
Nobody understands. I feel so alone."
-"Just because nobody understand does not result in loneliness."
-"This darkness that surrounds me...every single day I live in a pitch black world. I can't see a
thing! I can't do a single thing! I can't...do...a single...thing about it."
-"Natsuki..."
-"I'm not hungry."
Natsuki stood up, pushing the chair back and with a heavy head she walked back to her room. The door
was closed with a "bang" and it stayed that way for the rest of the day. She did not eat or drink,
only leaving her room for emergency bathroom visits. Shizuru could only watch her strong lover slowly
change into a completely different person. She was angry, bitter and constantly thinking others see
her in a much lower regard. It had gone so far that Natsuki did not even listen to her or believe her
loving words anymore.
What will become of us?
--
The whole night Natsuki did not sleep much. A sudden pang of guilt washed over Natsuki. She knew how
much she was loved but the bitterness just would not go away. She was reminded every single second.
She was not mad at Shizuru for helping but her irritation seemed to make her always hurt Shizuru. Now
she was too ashamed to apologize so she was cowardly hiding in this room. Lying on the bed facing the
roof. A soft knock and a familiar voice were heard.
-"Natsuki? My prescence is urgently needed in the office but I promise to return as quickly as
possible therefore-"
Shizuru never had the chance to finish her sentence when the door she was speaking to opened,
surprise was evident in her face. Natsuki had a stern look on her face but her cheeks were slightly
red. Before Shizuru had the time to ask her lover about it a supposedly harsh voice said.
-"I don't want pity."
Natsuki refused to look into Shizuru's eyes and her mouth was making a pout. This was her way of
apologizing. Shizuru just smiled at her proud puppy.
-"Good, since I am not offering any."
Natsuki's blush deepened when she was hugged.
-"Pity is for people who only support you temporarily. I will not leave you, Natsuki. Never
again...remember that."
Our wounded protector tightened the hug and was on the verge of tears. She managed to nod and buried
her head in her lover's hair.
-"Have a safe trip."
-"I will. Nothing can stop me from returning."
A wink, a blush and several moments later the front door was closed, leaving Natsuki alone in a big
apartment but her heart no longer felt solitude but loving warmth.
--
After Shizuru's depart things turned quiet and the silence was making our Natsuki very uncomfortable.
She despised crowded places but if it became too silent then something was wrong. It was almost like
the calm before a storm. It produced uneasiness and restlessness for our otherwise active defender.
In a desperate attempt she turned on the television but since she could not do anything but listen
the sport channel seemed pointless. Surely she had missed the racing but without vision it was
difficult feeling the excitement. So she settled with the news who reported as usual about robbery,
murder, the stock market and the local weather.
-"We interrupt this broadcast to bring you the latest news. A car accident involving a large truck
and a passenger car occurred on the Fuuka Bridge. Due to heavy traffic around this hour police and
ambulance has great difficulties in reaching the crash site. Other civilians have recognized one of
the involved to be the CEO of T-Corporation.It is not yet clear of the number of casualties. We will
keep you further updated."
(CEO...of...T-corporation...Shizuru!)
Quickly Natsuki grabbed her jacket and rushed out through the door. Cursing herself when she recalled
that she could no longer drive any vehicle she had no choice but to try stopping a cab.
(Wait for me, Shizuru. You better wait for me...please.)
--
The next chapter will probably be the last and then this story will be finished. I was planning to stop after this fic since I didn't have any ideas of what to write but no worries it seems that you will not see the last of me...yet. I suddenly one day got several ideas popping up in my head so you can even expect two new stories from me. Keep an eye out for them, neh? Thanks for reading and a big hug to everyone who reviews!