another chapter!? Could this be the end lets look and see!

I Couldn't sleep that night... I tried but it was no use, or the next night for that matter. I spend two entire days laying on that couch staring at the ceiling thinking about every moment Angel and I had spent together. Why hadn't she told Collins everything? About us, about how she really got AIDS? She was always so complicated... That's a far lie and I know it Angel is simple, she wants to make people happy. That's it it's her purpose in life is to care and protect. She cares too much about Collins to tell him her ex is looming around, she wants to protect me from his wrath... At least for now. I wonder what her breaking point will be?

The answer came sooner than expected or wanted. As I was laying there the door flew open in less than a second hands had lifted me off of the couch by my throat. I was staring in the face of an enraged Thomas b. Collins.

"You piece of shit, I'll kill you for what you did to him!" He yelled his words quickly becoming profanity and gibberish.

I squirmed out of his grin falling to the floor coughing and gasping for air, "What the fuck!" I coughed out sti trying to figure out what happened.

"This is all your fault! You could have saved him! You could have introduced us and I could have protected him!" He crumbled into tears falling next to me.

Angel told him.

"I'm sorry I didn't know I was-"

"You were only thinking of yourself! Like usual! You're straight, but instead of introducing him to me you mistreated him and kept him all to yourself to be your experimental play thing. You selfish bastard." He brought his knees to his chest and cried into them. "He would have never contracted HIV if u would have spoken up."

I didn't know what to say, I opened up my mouth and let the first thought fall out, "But you were already positive."

He stared at me as if he was going to strangle me again "There's was to avoid that. But instead you hid him, sent him away, and let him get violated."

"Collins... I-I'm sorry..."was all I could say.

He rubbed away the tears and got up, "You should be..." he and turned towards Mark's room obviously still fighting back tears, I stood up and tried to follow him. He pushed a crumbled paper into my chest, "I'm here to get Mark, you might want to read this."

I watched him go into Mark's room he was already asleep? I turned to the digital clock by the phone. What time even was it? 3:45 in the morning? Why is Collins here? I asked myself as I unfolded the paper.

It was a submission form for the hospital, Angel's t-cell count was low and now she's sick.

"Oh God," I whispered my knees to shake. Collins walked out of the room Mark in tow. I heard my voice come out like a small child's "Y-you me-mean she's sick?"

"Dying actually..." He said frankly. "She has a week to live."

Mark and I were in shock, I was frozen and couldn't move. I watched the two of them leave, Collins gave me one last angry teared filled look before slamming the door behind him.

I couldn't do this. Every fiber of my being wanted to hurl myself out of the window, off of the balcony to the cold pavement below. Or run and fuel up on coke and heroine to numb the pain. I wanted to forget everything, curl up and die. We can't lose Angel.

I can't lose Angel.

I chased after them I kept my head low, i couldn't face either of them. This was all my fault. It took an eternity to get to the hospital. But when we saw him it was beyond words, he looked so frail. So broken and weak unlike anyway I've seen him before. The last time I saw him he looked sick but I was sure it was for other reasons but this was undeniable. Sunken in eyes, his frame frail from weightloss, lesions on his neck, and his cheeks stained with tear streaks. I guess I had been ignoring all the signs pretending he was ok but here it all was staring me in the face.

Collins reached for his hand whispering his name to gently wake him. He stirred quickly scared and confused.

"Its alright baby," he soothed we're all here. "I couldn't get the girls buy I called them and I sure they'll be here when they can."

Angel nodded and rested back onto the pillow. We made small talk for a few hours quietly while we slept on and off in turns. But at around 6 am it was just me and Angel who were awake.

After the silence went on for too long I finally spoke up, "So you told him everything?" I said in a low uncertain tone.

"Not everything, just what he needed to know?" His eyes locked on Collins.

"Like?"

"We dated, what I did as a career, how I got AIDS, why we didn't work. I didn't go into details about what we were like together he doesn't need to hear all that he stresses enough about me. I don't want him to think about it."

I thought it over yet again how awful I was to him everything I did and all the pain, " Why were you still nice to me? On Christmas, you could have ran out, or told Collins but you didnt?"

He looked around and shrugged, "I guess part of me still wanted to be around you..."

"Do you think if we started from the beginning knowing everything we would have worked out?"

He paused and looked down at the crisp white bedsheets, "I think in another world, in a different life time we did. I think that's why we are, were, and always will be drawn to each other. There's something about you that makes me want to make it work between us but we can't. We want different things. But what I've found with Collins is everything I wanted with you, but I couldn't have. I love him more than anything in this world. But in a way I love you more than a friend but less than my soulmate."

I understand what he means, maybe reincarnation exists maybe we were married in a past life or we will be in the next? Who knows. And in our own messed up way we love each other, we love each other in a way that no one not even ourselves understand. We will never forgive me for what I've done, but we will love each other until the very last day.

And maybe we are ok with that.

Maybe I'm ok with that...