It's A Date
Magnus awoke lazily the next morning at the feeling of bright light targeting his closed eyes. Flickering his eyes open, he held back a small groan of pain, grasping the back of his neck. Due to his kindness towards Alexander, Magnus' lower back and neck were now aching from the position he'd slept in all night. If only Alexander was more knowledgeable about relationships, then maybe Magnus could have sneaked into bed with him. But Magnus - for some reason not wanting to risk his chance with the shadowhunter - had chosen to sleep on the floor, out of rare consideration towards another person.
Looking down at his knees, Magnus half smiled at his tabby cat, who was looking up at him with hopeful eyes. Unable to resist Chairman Meow's undoubtable request, Magnus stroked him behind his ears, before picking him up softly from on top of his own legs and carrying out of the room.
His loft was oddly quiet, considering the fact that three shadowhunters were currently residing in it - again, due to his uncharacteristic consideration. However, Magnus was not complaining. This was exactly how he liked his apartment and right now he was prepared to damage any shadowhunter willing to disturb the peace and quiet of his loft.
Placing Chairman Meow on the floor of his shiny, modern kitchen, Magnus pulled the cat food from the bottom cupboard. His cat purred, brushing itself against Magnus' legs as he squeezed the cat food out into the small bowl on the floor. Smiling as the cat jubilantly dived into devouring the food, Magnus sauntered back to his bedroom, feeling casually at peace with himself.
However, his mood soon changed as he arrived back. Almost instantly he spotted the handsome shadowhunter boy still soundly asleep in his bed. Reminded again of the worry and panic of yesterday night, Magnus frowned as he approached Alec. The boy did not appear peaceful like before - he was twitching in his sleep, as if experiencing a nightmare. Concerned though he was, Magnus sighed, brushing Alec's hair gently out of his eyes before turning towards the bathroom. He wanted to escape the worry weighing down on him, just for a single moment more. He wanted to feel at peace like he had moments before.
Locking himself away in the bathroom, Magnus scorned at himself as he spotted his dishevelled appearance in the square mirror. Dark eyeliner stained the bottom of his eyes, causing him to look haunted with sleep while glitter smothered his face. His hair was an even worse story as it stood up at all ends, his previously smooth spikes were now tangles of knots laid upon his head.
After showering and washing the remnants of yesterday's appearance away, Magnus wrapped a towel tightly around his lower body before running his finger through his hair, smoothing it away from his face. Flushed from the hot shower, Magnus stepped out of his bathroom only to freeze in place as he spotted the handsome shadowhunter, who was watching him with wide, bright blue eyes.
"Alexander." Magnus breathed, his body slightly rigid with surprise. "You're awake. I'm glad."
"What…" Alec began. He seemed to be having an internal battle with himself from his sitting position on Magnus' bed. Though Alec attempted to keep his eyes on Magnus' face, Magnus noticed quickly that his eyes flickered downwards every so often. Magnus held back a pleasurable smile. " What am I doing here? What happened?"
"Don't worry. I know how this may look, darling," Magnus winked, walking gracefully across the room, turning purposefully away from Alec so that he could see the back of him. "But all is not as it seems. I've merely had a morning shower. And you've woken up from your sleep in my bed, in which you slept alone."
Magnus turned just in time to see a crimson blush form on Alec's cheeks in response - just what he'd been aiming for. Lightening the mood and flirting may prepare Alec for the horrible news to come. Though Magnus didn't doubt it would at all change Alec's reaction.
"I - Why am I here?" Alec asked, his expression confused and vulnerable - reminding Magnus of an oblivious puppy.
"You don't remember?" Magnus asked, raising an eyebrow, tightening his hold on the clothes he had planned to wear for the day.
"Should I?" Alec frowned, his lips tightening as he lost himself in deep thought.
"Avert your eyes for a moment, darling. Unless you wish to see me clothes-less, then by all means keep watching." Magnus teased, winking again, but Alec barely even blushed this time. While still consumed by his thoughts, Alec turned politely away. Slightly disappointed with the lack of reaction, Magnus snapped his fingers so that the towel disappeared, before he snapped them again, looking down as casual, sparkly t-shirt and designer, black jeans appeared on his body. Leaving his hair free and wild and deciding not to put any make up on, Magnus felt almost naked while he stood in front of Alexander, completely natural.
"What part of last night do you remember up to, Alexander?" Magnus asked him more seriously this time, feeling the familiar sense of dread pool in the pit of his stomach. It was already bad enough that he'd have to admit to Alec that he'd intruded in his privacy. Why did it have to be him to inform Alec that he'd collapsed on his living room floor?
"Me and Jace went to Pandemonium to collect those ingredients… You were there, we fought the vampires and then you portalled us back to here. Then… I can't remember." Alec's frown only deepened and Magnus strolled forward, taking a seat beside Alexander on the bed. For a moment their eyes remained locked as Alec thought, then suddenly everything seemed to dawn on him at once, and fear overtook his innocent expression. "Oh no."
"Alexander…" Magnus began, but he was unable to continue. The words seemed to catch in his throat as a look of pure terror overcame Alec, causing him to appear like a frightened child lost in the dark.
"No. I didn't - Please tell me I didn't- " Alec stuttered, a breathe catching in his throat as his hands shook on his lap.
Feeling a strong need to comfort him, Magnus took Alexanders hand into his own, weaving their fingers together. Magnus squeezed his hand tightly, trying to provide some sort of relief for Alec. But nothing could wipe the horrified expression off of his face.
Alec seemed to take this gesture as a response. Hanging his head low and ashamed, Alec bit his lip, squeezing his eyes tightly shut. "I'm sorry - I couldn't - you shouldn't have seen that - I'm sorry." He fought with his words, unsure of what to say.
Heart pounding and body melting, Magnus felt his expression tug into a concerned frown. "You have no need to apologise, Alexander. You've done nothing wrong."
"I should have controlled it…" Alec muttered, his tone almost lifeless as he spoke. "I should have fought it back."
Magnus shook his head, sighing deeply. "There was nothing you could've done, darling."
Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment, Alec breathed in and out heavily, while his hand squeezed Magnus'. Watching Alexander, unknowing of what to do, Magnus remained silent and still. Words of comfort formed in his brain, but he shot every idea, rendering them all useless. He'd never been good at dealing with suffering people - he'd never quite been kind enough to deal with them. Now he wished he'd learnt exactly what to say in a situation like this.
"Where's Jace?" Alec looked up abruptly, his eyes focusing ahead rather than on Magnus as he spoke. Pulling his hand out of Magnus' lap, Alec seemed to subconsciously curl in on himself, masking himself away from Magnus once again.
"Asleep, I expect. I allowed your siblings to stay the night." Magnus informed him softly, disappointed by Alec's withdrawal. However, he was a master by now at hiding unwanted emotions, meaning he no doubt appeared to be nothing but concerned.
"Thank you." Alec mumbled, looking down again. "Thanks for everything. For helping me." His voice was quiet and insecure.
"I owed you. After the stunt you pulled on those vampires attacking me. It has been a long time since anyone has in any way protected me." Magnus cringed at the vulnerable edge to his voice, but he'd allowed himself to speak this words in the vain hope that Alec would open up to him again.
"Me and Jace… We should go, Izzy will be expecting us back." Alec climbed to his feet, swaying slightly before he seemed to balance himself.
Hiding his disappointment yet again, Magnus held back the bitter comments he so desired to speak. "Will you not even stay for breakfast? You've yet to experience my exceptional cooking. My cat loves it, but I think I need a more human opinion." Magnus felt like slapping himself for being so open and hopeful when he'd knew he'd only be kicked back down. He'd invaded part of Alexander's life that he wasn't ready to open up about and now he was experiencing the consequences.
"I'm sorry, Magnus…" Alec's voice was apologetic and his eyes shined with slight regret, but his mind seemed set on leaving. "I have to go."
"You'll find both your siblings in the spare rooms. Inform them that I'll be expecting lodging payments from them along with the payment for the magic I've provided. Make sure to close the front door, will you. I wouldn't want any more unexpected visitors." Magnus huffed sharply, unable to hide his dismay any longer.
Magnus' sudden change in mood seemed to spark a small realisation within Alec and he hesitated as he approached the door. "I'm- "
Though Alec appeared to want to explain himself, Magnus knew all too well that he was not ready to. He understood. He didn't want Alec to force himself into explaining everything to Magnus. But he couldn't help but feel dejected about the whole situation. After all Magnus had worried so much and thrown all of his efforts to saving Alexander and this is what he was given in return.
"Thank you." Alec repeated, his voice low, before walking out of his bedroom and towards the two doors.
Gritting his teeth in annoyance, Magnus ran a hand through his hair, dishevelling it, before standing up and peering into the corridor. Voices mumbled and Magnus watched with thriving jealousy as Alec and Jace hugged. From the look of relief in Alec's expression, Magnus could tell that the two parabatai were pleased to see one another alive and well. They appeared to have a silent conversation while Izzy hugged Alec and Jace - for the first time since Magnus had met him - portrayed some sort of caring love towards Alec. It only caused Magnus' jealousy to simmer more within him.
As the three turned to leave, only one bothered to look back. Isabelle Lightwood turned with a thankful expression and a polite smile. For a moment Magnus could have sworn that he'd seen understanding in her eyes - like she knew exactly what Magnus was feeling right now. But as the shadowhunters left, thankfully closing the door behind them, Magnus felt his whole body sink as he retreated bitterly back to his bedroom, locking himself away once again from the world.
~ Lost Hope ~
Alec felt nothing but shame pounding through his body. It consumed him, weighing him down, despite his efforts to restrain it. For a long time now he'd hidden himself away from the world, desperately trying to contain his demonic illness. He'd remained inside the institute, lonely and afraid for so long. And just as he was starting to open up to somebody, he'd collapsed in front of them, revealing all of his deepest darkest secrets.
Alec couldn't get the look Magnus had given him out of his head. It was one of pity; confirming in Alec's mind that the only reason Magnus had possibly helped him was due to the fact that he felt sorry for him. And Alec hated being pitied. It was bad enough that he was constantly consumed by his own self-loathing, he didn't need other people wishing he had another life for him. He did enough of that wishing himself.
But as humiliated as Alec felt, he couldn't ignore the warm feeling in his chest at the thought of Magnus protecting him. Nobody outside of his family had ever attempted to rescue Alec from his dark demise; he'd never let anyone get close enough. Yet Magnus had. Contrary to Alec's beliefs, Magnus hadn't abandoned him in disgust or sudden loathing of his nature. No. Magnus Bane, the high warlock of Brooklyn, had helped him. All free of charge — well, to a certain extent.
Alone in the training room, trying to remain focused as he practised shooting arrows at a target, Alec felt himself cloud with nostalgia. The goodbye kiss. Though it had occurred nearly more than a week ago, Alec could still picture it clearly in his mind; the soft touch of Magnus' slightly chapped lips, the taste of them. It was beyond anything Alec had ever felt before.
Twang. He'd released the arrow, mid thought and it skimmed the top of the target, clattering against the back wall. Sighing at himself, Alec squeezed his eyes shut and wiped all thoughts of Magnus from his mind.
No. Don't think about him Alec.
Alec had involuntarily revealed his darkest secrets to Magnus; how would he ever be able to face him again?
"Are you going to hide in here all day or are you going to let me talk to you?" Isabelle strode into the training room, the click of her heels bouncing off of the tall roof, causing the sound to echo around the room.
"I'm not hiding, I'm training." Alec responded bluntly, firing two arrows quickly at the target. They both hit the bullseye.
"Alec, it's been two days. Don't you think it's about time you finally spoke to me or Jace?"
Alec lowered his bow slightly. He turned so he could see Izzy. She was dressed in subdued black clothing - unlike her usual flaunting appearance. The whip coiled around her wrist glistened in the soft light, while her eyes looked upon Alec with worry. Great. Another person who pities me, Alec thought bitterly.
"I am talking to you." Walking over to the weapons rack, Alec placed his bow neatly back into its rightful place, before stripping the arrow satchel from his back and putting each arrow neatly into a small container next to it.
"You're hiding. Like you always do when something like this happens." Izzy said in a matter-of-fact-tone.
"Can't you just leave me to train?" Alec snapped, feeling his arms pulse by his side. No. Control the anger. "I don't need you feeling sorry for me Isabelle."
"Fine," Izzy huffed, yet her tone of voice indicated that she was far from giving up. "But if you won't speak to me or Jace, then you'll just have to speak to Magnus."
"I don't want to speak to him either," Alec stated grumpily.
"You've always sucked at lying, Alec, so don't bother." Izzy rolled her eyes at him, while taking a few controlled steps closer towards him. "You were so rude to him the other day. He helped you and you ran out of his apartment the minute you woke up."
"Leave it alone, Izzy." Alec shook his head, closing his eyes for a brief moment while attempting to not let the words get to him.
Had he been rude to Magnus? After all, Alec was extremely thankful that Magnus had kindly helped him when he was in pain. But Alec could still hear the final words that Magnus had spoken to him that day. I wouldn't want any more unexpected visitors, he'd said. Though Alec hadn't realised at the time, he could see now that the comment had clearly been about him. This stung Alec more than he wanted it to.
"I thought you liked him. Why didn't you just stay?" Izzy frowned, appearing confused.
"I do like him. That's exactly the problem," Alec responded in a low tone. Stupid Izzy and her meddling in other people's problems. He again pushed back that bitter thought. Izzy was only trying to help and it was kind of her to do so even though neither Simon nor Clary had been located yet by Magnus' tracking spell.
"I caught Jace that night you know. He was trying to sneak into the institute. And do you know what I saw when I arrived in the loft that night?"
Alec shook his head, bewildered where Izzy was going with her story.
"I saw an exhausted warlock throwing everything he had into saving you. Jace might have been too arrogant to notice but I did."
Feeling his heart warm, Alec felt his lips part in slight shock. Tingles emerged at the pit of his stomach like a volcano erupting, spreading throughout his whole body. Magnus more than helped him - he'd tried to save him. However, upon this thought, Alec's mood lowered once again. If Magnus had tried to save him, then surely he must have seen his arms. Alec shuddered at the thought. He'd heard enough times from his father how disgusting his condition turned when it overcame him.
"He felt sorry for me. That doesn't change anything," Alec muttered.
"Alec when are you going to stop being so stubborn and accept that you like the damn warlock?" Izzy said in an exasperated manner. "You don't have to be ashamed of what you are. You shouldn't be ashamed about your condition or being gay."
"Izzy, you know what it'll look like," Alec shook his head, trying not to allow his sudden irritability to consume him. "I already look weak enough to the clave because of my condition. Being… being gay," Alec had to force the word from his lips. "will only confirm that even more."
"Alec…" Izzy let out an apologetic sigh, her sturdy expression crumbling into one of concern. "It doesn't matter what the clave will think, it doesn't matter what father will think." Alec flinched at the mention of his father, Robert Lightwood. "You'll have me and Jace. It won't change anything. Jace won't care, he'll just be disappointed that you kept it from him for so long."
Alec shook his head firmly. "No. Jace of all people can't know."
"You're so stubborn." Izzy sighed again. "When are you ever going to learn that the people who care about you like you for you? And that applies for Magnus too."
"Don't bring Magnus into this again." Alec ordered, but his voice was too soft - it was as if he was encouraging Izzy to go against his wishes.
"You should apologise to Magnus." Izzy suggested plainly. "I can tell he likes you and he's finally earned my approval after what he did for you the other day."
Alec opened his mouth to respond but the words seemed to catch in his throat, leaving him speechless. With a small, almost victorious smile, Izzy turned her back on Alec and sauntered out of the training room, leaving Alec alone with his thoughts.
He knew deep down that Izzy was right. In fact, Alec couldn't remember a time where Izzy had ever been wrong. Would Jace care that Alec was gay? Would he feel ashamed about his parabatai? Alec didn't want to give Jace a further reason to feel ashamed of him, his condition already gave him enough reason to.
Feeling himself drowned by his thoughts, Alec picked up one of the arrows, studying it for a moment, his eyes fleeting over the intricate runes carved into it. He paused on one, his eyes mapping over the curves that his own stele had carved into the arrow. Fortis. The strength rune. All Alec needed to have was a little bit of strength of mind and body. Then maybe he could finally overcome his shameful fears. Maybe then he could face Magnus. Maybe then he could reveal his secrets too him and confirm the theories that Magnus no doubt had.
Just have a little bit of strength, Alec.
~ Lost Hope ~
Another day passed, bringing the long weekend to a close and Alec had not yet found the strength he needed. Pacing up and down his bedroom, bickering with himself in his mind, he squeezed his eyes shut, clenching his hands into fists.
Just do it, Alec. Call him. Tell him you're ready to talk. He told you to contact him when you were. The voice encouraged him, eagerly informing him how the plan was simple. All he needed to do was pluck up the courage to call Magnus.
No. It's been too long. He's probably mad at you. He probably won't even answer and then you'll just look stupid. Another voice provided the counter argument, adding to Alec's clustered mind.
Just call him. Be brave for once in your life. Stop being so weak and whiny. The last voice felt more condemning, like it was scolding Alec for being so weak all the time. However, Alec couldn't help but feel it was speaking the most truth out of all the voices. He'd always been like this; fearful of ever growing close to anyone. Jace and Izzy were clear exceptions, but overtime he'd grown to learn that they truly did care for him. Even Clary and the Daylighter, to a certain extent, had embedded themselves into Alec's life. So why couldn't he just be brave enough to let Magnus in?
Do it.
Do it Alec.
Call him.
So he did. In a burst of unplanned courage, Alec grabbed his cellphone from the dresser besides his bed and called Magnus' number, placing the phone shakily by his ear.
Stay calm. Speak normally.
The phone rang once, twice, three times. And just as the fear arose in Alec's mind that Magnus wasn't going to pick up, there was a sudden crackly noise and then loud music sounded down the phone.
"Hello?" Magnus voice called over the loudness of the booming music. Clearly, he was in a club, possibly Pandemonium, enjoying himself, unlike Alec who'd been meticulously pacing his room for the past hour. Upon realising this, the image of Magnus with the vampire girls from a few days ago arose on his mind, only causing him to become more determined.
"It's er-Alec. I want to speak to you about something." Alec responded, half-confidently, pushing the doubtful fear from his mind.
But all of his anxiety seemed to return, crashing down on him like a ton of bricks as Alec heard Magnus' next three words. "I'm sorry, who?"
"A-Alec… Alexander Lightwood. You gave me your number…?" His tone was much warier, as he was unable to hide his fear that Magnus would just ignore him.
"Alexander…" Alec couldn't tell whether Magnus sounded pleased or irritated to hear from him. But as he tried to decide this, the music booming down the phone seemed to dim, as if Magnus was moving to speak with him more privately. "To what do I owe the pleasure? Let me guess, there's something you and your little shadowhunter friends need?"
The sarcasm dripping from his voice caused Alec to cringe, only reminding Alec of his abrupt departure from Magnus' loft a few days ago. Thinking back, Magnus had been so open and kind to him, and Alec had shot him down all because he was ashamed.
"No, actually. I wanted to speak to you." Alec informed him, attempting to sound slightly more bold.
"And you decided to call instead of paying me a late visit?" Magnus sounded sceptical, as if he was trying to deduce why Alec was calling him.
"You said you didn't want any more unexpected visitors,"
"That is true. But it doesn't necessarily apply to you, unless you are going to arrive then abruptly depart again, in which case I'd much rather you just texted." Magnus responded.
Alec could hear the slight irritation in Magnus' voice and he wondered how he hadn't realised he'd been rude before. "I won't. I er- wasn't in the right mindset the other day. I don't think I thanked you properly for what you did. I'm sorry."
"As always there is no need to apologise, I have come to expect this behaviour from shadowhunters," Magnus said, slightly bitter.
"Still though - thank you. Nobody's ever helped me like that in a long time," Alec said, mimicking when Magnus had told him that very few people had ever protected him.
"And once again you called just to thank me. You're beginning to become slightly more predictable, Alexander."
"I didn't." Alec shook his head, forgetting for a moment that Magnus couldn't see him. "I called to tell you… That I-m… That I'm ready to talk." Alec breathed deeply, awaiting Magnus' response.
"I see."
Was that hope Alec could detect in his voice? Or was he simply deluded? "So…Do you want to go out with me? Then I can explain." Though Alec hesitated upon speaking these words, he managed to force it out his mouth in one brief, hopeful moment stupidity.
"You wish to go out with me?" Magnus seemed to ponder the thought.
"Yes." Alec confirmed. "This Friday?" Squeezing his eyes shut, Alec bit his lip as he awaited any sign of a positive response from Magnus.
"Where?"
Alec thought hard, then realised that he'd never properly been out anywhere in New York for a long time. "I-I don't know…A restaurant maybe? I don't know any-"
"I know exactly the right place." Alec could hear the faint smile in Magnus' voice that only caused the corner of Alec's lips to upturn. "It's a cosy little place uptown, you'll love it."
"Great," Alec couldn't hide the excitement from his voice and he could only hope that he didn't sound over eager.
"It's a date," Magnus said brightly, his tone light and airy like it had been when Alec had awoken in Magnus' bed. "Come to my loft for 7 and don't be late. I'll see you then, darling."
It's a date.
"See you then." Alec mumbled as a beeping sounded down the phone, replacing Magnus' voice and the echo of loud music.
See you on Friday, Magnus Bane. Alec thought proudly to himself, unable to hide the beaming smile now adorned on his lips.
Thank you so much, again, for reading! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter. This one was a little bit of an emotional rollercoaster for Alec, but he finally plucked up the courage to call ask Magnus out. Let me know what you think by reviewing and don't forget to favourite/follow. I can't thank you all enough for the continued support, I'm glad you all like this story so far. More updates soon.
~DareToDream