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This fight between my conscience and my libido went on for about two Earth weeks. In that time, I slept in Spock's bed every night. Yes, in those stupid pajamas. And every morning, I pulled myself out of his arms before I acted out the dreams that had me biting my lip to keep from waking him.

It was well worth the trouble. Every day, he seemed a little more like his normal self. Hell, by the end of those two weeks, only those of us who knew what happened could see the lingering effects. I figured within a month or two, he'd be completely healed, physically and mentally.

I was another matter. By that two week mark, I had begun to suffer from my self-imposed abstinence. As I said, my dreams haunted me. My subconscious was reaching out to him at every opportunity. To keep it from taking over, I spent many of our nights together awake. Why was it so bad? Well, I had actually not been with anyone since Spock's pon farr. It should come to no surprise to you that I'm not used to doing without sex. My abstinence made me jumpy, irritable...a real joy to be around.

Hell, I was so rattled that I had to leave the bridge three times on the day it all came crashing down. Yeah, I know that's a bad move for a commanding officer. But it's better than what I would have done if I had stayed.

The first time I left, it was because I almost yelled at Uhura when she had trouble establishing communications with the Starfleet station we were passing. It wasn't her fault. There was a political ruckus going on in there. I heard later that some diplomat tried to commandeer the station.

The second time, Scotty was having trouble with the engines. One of the crystals cracked long before it was due to. Of course, I couldn't ream his hide for something that was probably the fault of an incompetent clerk back on Earth. So again, I had to head for the turbolift.

The third time, well, that was the clincher. I nearly yelled at Spock. Oh, because the yeoman he assigned to keep track of the donations we had for New Vulcan screwed up. She nearly threw out the medical vials because she couldn't translate the Romulan correctly. She thought the box said 'poison'.

The minute I found myself clenching my fists and contemplating using my first officer for a punching bag, I headed for the observation deck at a dead run. The assignment wasn't even his mistake. If I remember correctly, Sulu was the one who said she was good with languages.

But Yeoman Banyar's incompetence wasn't what was bothering me as I ran down there. It was the fact that Spock had been alone in the cargo bay with her. My bondmate had been alone with an attractive young woman. One who, a few months ago, I probably would have invited to my bed.

In a matter of minutes, I had gone from being mad at what could have been a costly error to being insanely jealous of the girl, with the emphasis on the *insane* part. I thanked the stars that I had enough brains to get off the bridge before I took my emotions out on somebody. If the crew saw what was going on in my head, they'd never trust me again.

But I forgot that one member of the bridge crew *could* see into my head. No, we hadn't shielded our private thoughts in those two weeks. Other than the shield keeping my sexual arousal from him, there was no barrier between us. We just...ignored the bond unless one of us deliberately sought the other's attention. I didn't really keep track of Spock's thoughts, even though part of my mind 'heard' them. I figured he was handling my thoughts the same way.

I was wrong.

Spock strode into the observation deck about five minutes after I did. For once, he didn't even attempt to hide behind his mask of logic. I could read his emotions plain as day on his face. He was most definitely pissed at me.

'I do not deserve that accusation.' Spock growled as he approached me, his fists clenched at his sides. 'I would not betray your trust so thoughtlessly.'

Still irritated by my own problems, I snapped back at him without thinking. 'So, you'd wait until you had a plan to betray me?!'

Ever in control, my bondmate stalked me until I backed up against a window. 'That type of betrayal is part of *your* repertoire, not mine, Captain.'

When Spock growled in my face, I finally gave into the irritation that had dogged me all day. I took a swing at him. But Vulcan reflexes are too quick for humans to fight against. He grabbed my arm and threw me away from him before my fist made it anywhere near his face.

Well, of course, all he did was make me madder. How dare he insult me that way?! I threw a few more punches to try to make my point, but all of them were blocked by that pointed-eared bastard. Instead of punishing him for a crime he didn't commit, I soon found myself trapped between a window and a hot Vulcan body.

'Why are you doing this to us, Jim?!' Spock growled. 'Why do you deny us the release you need?' As his gravelly tone hit my ear, he spun us around and lowered me to the floor, again restraining me with his own weight. I stared up at him in surprise. It never occurred to me that he'd use the bond to find out why I was keeping that tiny shield in place. But I guess he couldn't find the reason behind my abstinence. Hell, my head is a mess at the best of time. He probably got lost in it.

With his hot, hard body bombarding my senses, it took a few minutes until I could form a coherent answer. 'You don't need me,' I choked out, trying to keep my body from straining up into his. But I was fighting a losing battle and I knew it. My arms came up and around him even as I tried to resist his unconscious seduction.

Or maybe it wasn't unconscious. At my words, his body shifted, tensed, and lost just a little of the power it had over me. 'You are my mate. How could I not need you?' Spock's face slowly went from fiercely angry to puzzled as he realized I believed what I was saying.

Even though Spock was no longer trying to push me to the edge, I was still lost in the heated reactions he had caused, so my reply was more honest than I intended. 'It's not time for your pon farr. The fire inside me can't reach you...' Part of me knew I sounded delirious, but I was beyond caring.

Luckily for me, Spock did care. 'That is not true. Who told you this falsehood?' I could feel him probing the bond for an answer, but my thoughts must have been too jumbled for him to make heads or tails of them. So he shook me lightly. 'Jim, who told you this lie?!'

'The database.' I groaned as the movement had his thigh sliding against my cock. 'The VSA database.' My body trembled as I tried to get the words out.

Then suddenly, the heat left me. I watched in mute shock as Spock smoothly rolled off me and stood up. Without sparing me a glance, he strode to the computer in the corner.

If I hadn't let my consideration of Spock's needs keep me from taking matters into my own hands over the past couple weeks, I probably would have chased after him. But because he had needed the bond open to help his recovery, I had decided I could be completely celibate until he was better. So now, I was so aroused that it would take me a few minutes until I could get my body to change gears and start responding to my commands again. So I ended up just laying there as Spock checked the database.

I was even more shocked when I heard him swear. 'Lunikkh ta-vik!'

I had no clue what the term meant, but from his tone, I could tell he didn't like what he found on that console. But he seemed to take it in stride. After taking a minute to calm down, he turned toward me and commanded the ship's computer to lock the door to the deck. His voice was calm, but I could hear a determined clip to it.

Still not able to get my body to do what I wanted, I struggled to a sitting position. 'Spock?' I looked up at him and I knew my desperation was reflected in my eyes. I needed him, badly.

Spock knew it too. That became plain to me as he started undressing in front of me. 'Whomever created that entry in the database does not have a proper understanding of Standard. It should read 'Vulcans can only procreate every seven years.'' He paused after taking off his tunic to give me a stern look. 'I appreciate the care you were showing me by choosing to be sexually abstinent, but it is unnecessary. Further, it has become harmful to you.'

My mouth fell open as he let his pants drop. I could only hope I didn't look like a complete fool as he continued his tirade. 'I will not allow this to continue. Your health and well-being are as important to me as my own. What will convince you of this? I grow weary of fighting you in order to care for you,' Spock said with a hint of exasperation. 'You are not the 'fuck-up' you so vehemently accuse yourself of being. You are the respected captain of this ship and you are my husband.'

I tried to answer him, to protest that he was bound to be disappointed by me sooner or later. But I couldn't get the words out. It's just as well, because Spock didn't seem to want my argument. To make his point, he bent down to cover my lips with his own.

As my body began to respond to his attention, Spock laid down next to me and gently started stripping me. 'You are loved, t'hy'la. You no longer have to fight your own demons. As you have helped me battle mine these past days, I will help you defeat yours.'

Somewhere in my twisted mind, Spock's words drove me to remember Frank. Frank and his fucking opinions. A lot of my insecurities centered around the harsh words he threw at me when he found out I had joined Starfleet.

'What did you do that for?' he had asked in a derisive tone. 'All you're going to do there is screw up a good thing.'

Part of me was afraid that his words were prophetic. At that moment, I was convinced I would screw up this good thing...or that I already had. My arousal started to plummet. Thoughts of Frank always do that to me. But then Spock shifted under me and my body instantly went hot once again.

'You did not,' Spock said sharply, reading my thoughts through the bond. 'You showed me the depth of your regard for me.'

'Huh?' I tried to shake myself out of my aroused state for a minute so I could focus on Spock's words.

Then, as if he knew I needed it, my bondmate gave me something to hang onto and to keep me from falling into my own guilt. 'You showed me your love.'

Suddenly, my world righted itself. He knew. He knew I loved him. I hadn't even admitted it to myself yet, but he had figured out what this whole fiasco was about. And he treasured the revelation. I could feel his joy through the bond.

I let out the breath I had been holding. As it rushed out of me, it sounded like a sob.

Spock must have heard it, because he ran a hand down my back before kissing me again. Then he tapped gently on that small barrier still between us. 'Remove the shield hiding your responses from me, t'hy'la. Please. I wish to feel the fire that you spoke of.' This was whispered in my ear.

'It's weak compared to yours.' I replied, feeling a little worried. Pon farr is such an overwhelming event that just about everything pales in comparison.

Spock cradled my face in his hands so he could stop me from turning away. 'Do not compare what you feel to my time. That is a drive I cannot control, that I *want* to control because of the dangers inherent in it. Your fire, however, is safe, and yet it is very powerful. Even with the shield up, I can feel the emotions that created it.' He kissed my forehead gently. 'I am humbled by the devotion and caring that I have inspired in you.'

He shook his head as he thought about what we had become. 'I had always wondered how my parents' relationship survived. To Vulcan eyes, it appeared grossly unequal.' He kissed me again, this time on the lips. I could tell he was trying to draw my arousal completely to the surface. 'I no longer wonder.'

Even though I now knew he wanted the same things I did, I still found myself hesitating. The comment about his parents worried me. I didn't want this part of our relationship to be one-sided. After feeling the emotions inside him, I wasn't convinced what I felt would ever be enough for him.

But yet again, my musings began to make my bondmate angry. 'I will be forced to use Dr. McCoy's epithets if you do not cease this nonsense.' Spock growled as he pulled my hips down to collide with his own. 'Is this the proof you seek?'

My leg bumped against his arousal...his very solid arousal. I groaned as he pulled me into the bond, trying to get me to let go of that barrier between us. And he didn't play fair. My passionate Vulcan sent caressing waves through the bond as his hands roamed my physical body. Within minutes, I was so aroused by his attention that I would have stood on my head to make sure he didn't stop.

Then I realized I couldn't feel Spock's arousal through the bond with the shield between us. So now it became a major annoyance. I ripped the damned thing away just as his mouth devoured mine.

And the result of that small adjustment? God, I never had sex like that before, not even during Spock's pon farr.

As soon as the shield disappeared, we were caught in a constant feedback loop. My arousal fed his, his touches had me searching for those same spots on him, to give him the same pleasure. And the bond...God, I felt like I was drowning in Spock's joy, and I *never* wanted to come up for air.

For the first time in my life, I was actually disappointed when my body couldn't take anymore. The orgasm paled next to the sensations and emotions that caused it. But I wasn't Vulcan. I couldn't sustain that kind of intensity for very long.

Not that Spock looked displeased. In fact, when we finally let ourselves rest, I saw that he was a bit winded by the experience. And his rather dazed expression made me laugh. 'You were the one who was sure this would be better than last time.'

'Ah, but you exceeded my expectations. In fact, you have been the source of much of my amazement since you boarded this ship.' Spock let his mouth lift in a small smile.

I grinned back. 'I hope I can keep that up for the rest of my life.'

'I have no doubt that you will, t'hy'la. For I know that I have become the consort of a man destined to be a legend.'

'So have I.' I caressed the point of Spock's ear. 'So have I. And I'm already completely amazed by you.'

Of course, we continued amazing each other for the rest of that afternoon right there on the observation deck. Scotty forgave me for the unexpected conn duty after he saw our faces later that day. It was obvious to everyone on the bridge what had happened.

How did they figure it out so easily? I couldn't keep that damned goofy grin off my face. It's just as well, I suppose, because then we didn't have to sneak around and try to hide what we were to each other.

Hell, it worked in our favor a couple times. Nobody thought anything about us standing a little too close together. So we used that fact when we had to pass things between us that weren't meant to be seen--usually by the admiralty.

Yeah, they're not exactly our best friends, either. Starfleet Command wasn't too thrilled to find out it had a bonded couple as the heads of its precious flagship. All the higher-ups were pissed, except for Archer. He seemed rather tickled by the whole thing. Scotty said that was because he had dated T'Pol. After seeing you and feeling the changes in me that come with a Vulcan bond, I don't believe it. The rumors about her and Trip Tucker, however...

Okay, okay, yeah, I'd rather not think about it either. From what I heard, that Vulcan was as cold as ice. So, back to what I was saying. The higher-ups weren't too happy. But they couldn't do anything about it, not without losing about 400 people. Oh, yeah. The whole crew threatened to quit if we were removed from the Enterprise.

It was hilarious...and a bit frightening. Bones and Nyota were ready to lead the revolt if Command didn't come to its senses. I wouldn't put it past those two to blow up the Golden Gate Bridge to make their point...

Luckily for the citizens of San Francisco, though, Komack and the others saw reason. Especially after Sarek came down upon their heads.

I'm not kidding! Have you ever seen a Vulcan 'storm a castle'? You don't want to get in his way, trust me.

In any other story, I guess this is the point where they'd say 'and they lived happily ever after.' But you know how our lives work. A more appropriate ending would probably be 'and the adventure continues.'

So how about we start our next adventure over lunch? I was just poked. Spock's heading over to the Hall of Elders and wants me to meet him there.

You were summoned for lunch too? One of them must have seen us talking together.

Yeah, I think they're trading notes about us. I can hear Spock asking Savid about how to deal with me when I get stubborn. Why? Because I refused to let him 'take care of my needs' yesterday. He broke a couple of ribs rescuing people from a mudslide on Deneb III. No, I wouldn't even let him pleasure me through the bond. I have a habit of grabbing him when the feelings in the bond get too intense. I was afraid Bones would read me the riot act if he found out I had undone his work.

Now why didn't I think of that? Tying him to the bed would definitely keep him from reinjuring himself....

Do you mind if I stop by the next time we're here? You're the reason we're having this conversation, you know. I needed that kick in the head when Spock was going through pon farr. I'd be glad to hear any other advice you might have for us.

Thanks. Yeah, I'll make sure I comm first. I'd rather see *my* Vulcan naked. You can have yours all to yourself.

Yeah, you're right, we'd better get going. They probably won't eat a thing until we get there. Savid monitors your eating habits, too? Then let's hurry up. We wouldn't want them to worry about us starving to death.

Oh, I don't care if he uses the bond to keep track of me. I wouldn't close it now unless it was to protect him.

Yes, he knows I would do just about anything to keep him safe. I've learned to quit hiding my feelings behind my attitude. Oh, he's been a very good teacher. Odd, isn't it, given the fact that he hides his emotions from everyone else?

It all comes back to the bond. That connection in our heads constantly reminds me of my place in the universe. It helps me remember I am not alone and that I am loved. Given my past, I'll probably need to be reminded for the rest of my life.

You know, the Vulcans forgot one definition when they created the term t'hy'la. Spock is definitely my lover, my brother, and my friend. But it's the one they forgot that means the most to me.

He is my life.

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end part 10, story, and series -------------------------------

Note: In Vulcan, lunikkh ta-vik means poisoner of wells.