Thank you to teamedwardforever1998 for your help with this story! =)
A/N Happy Thursday! I wanted to leave a quick note for you all to tell you how awesome you are! This story is receiving so much support it's amazing! Thank you for reading, reviewing, faving, and alerting the story. I have a busy weekend coming up, so there won't be another update until Sunday or Monday. Sorry! Anyway, enjoy the chapter and please let me know what you think! =)
Close to Home
Chapter 10 - Unrequited
September 1, 2010
EPOV
Fuck! What the hell is wrong with me? Bella has been my best friend for twenty years and I've never had these sort of feelings before. I'm so damn confused as I lay in my bed with my arm draped over her waist. It's like my body feels a sudden need to possess her and I just don't understand it. She's sound asleep and I feel like a pervert as I watch her in the darkness, but I see her even when I close my eyes now, so I might as well leave them open and observe the real thing, right? God, she's so beautiful.
My heart shattered tonight when I got out of the shower and found her in front of my laptop, her body heaving with sobs, as the video of that vile Newton played. I didn't think she could even see the screen anymore, but I still didn't waste any time in closing it and pulling her into my lap. I wanted to cry with her as I held her against me, knowing how broken she must have been feeling. I, Edward Cullen, wanted to fucking cry. Can you believe that shit?
There was no way I was letting her go anywhere tonight; she just wasn't ready, and if you want to know the truth, neither was I. I couldn't bare the thought of letting her out of my arms. Her tiny frame fit perfectly against my body as I cradled her in my lap, and her scent, oh my god her scent. Why had I never noticed before how intoxicating it was? Every time I stroked her hair, a blast of summer and strawberries would flood my senses. Even after using my shampoo today, she smelled amazing and feminine and just fucking perfect.
When Ali called and insisted on coming over with Jazz, I was torn. I knew a distraction was something I needed just then and that Bella would benefit from it, too, but I was relishing in the feeling of her pressed tightly into my chest. I had finally agreed and I had to admit the evening was pretty fun. We laughed, we talked, we got drunk; we just enjoyed the night together as a group. At least until Ali started grinding her ass against Jazz's lap. When I saw that I abruptly ended the evening. There is no fucking way I'm ever watching my little sister get freaky with my boss. That's just... ugh!
Anyway, when Ali and Jazz left, Bella and I called it a night. I was really feeling buzzed from the alcohol and didn't even think when I took my shirt of. It wasn't until I caught her staring at my chest that I realized I probably should have turned my back to her. When she noticed that I had caught her staring though, her cheeks flushed a beautiful shade of pink and she turned around quickly. God, she was gorgeous and I felt an ache in my chest knowing that the only thing we will ever be is friends. Her friendship is too fucking important to me to risk doing something stupid; all I can do is admire her from afar and hope it's enough.
When she pulled her shirt and bra off, with her back to me, I got a sudden urge to reach out to her, to trace every contour of her body. I know I shouldn't have been thinking like that, but I couldn't help it; and fuck if I didn't nearly come undone when she took off her pants. I've seen her in her panties before but have never felt anything compared to what I felt in that moment. I couldn't take my eyes off of her as my stomach twisted in knots.
I managed to look away quickly when she turned around, but I think she may have still seen me checking her out and if she did, I'm royally screwed. I can't risk losing her or fucking up our friendship; she too important to me to even contemplate my life without her.
So I lay in bed, silently absorbing as much of her beauty as I can. She's always been a heavy sleeper, so I allow myself to lightly trace my fingers up and down the length of her arm, but nothing more. I want to touch more of her, I need to, but I don't; I can't. I don't know how long I lay there just quietly enjoying her beauty, but eventually, sleep takes over and I get some much needed rest.
September 8th, 2010
This last week has literally been hell. I've been fighting to push back my emerging feelings for Bella but so far, I haven't had any luck. Each night as she lays in my bed with her back to me, I watch her sleep, yearning to be closer to her, to touch her, to know what it's like to kiss her. To say I'm confused right now would be the fucking understatement of the century.
To make matters worse, Newton is seriously pissing me off. He wasn't kidding when he said he wouldn't give up on Bella. He honestly thinks that she's dumb enough to go back to his lying, cheating, sorry ass. When I got home from work on Friday, the entire hallway that led to my apartment was filled with teddy bears and bouquets, gift baskets, and boxes of candy. It was absolutely ridiculous.
He ended up not just getting benched from the SeaHawks, but suspended for the entire season, so he had plenty of time on his hands. I guess he decided to use that time, and his money and contacts, to track down where I live so he could pester the shit out of Bella. I still can't believe his audacity. Not to mention all his doting wasn't helping Bella at all.
When I walked into the house that afternoon, I found Bella curled up on the couch crying again. I didn't even hesitate to sweep her into my arms and cradle her in my lap when I sat down. It broke my heart to see her crying because of that prick; she was better than that, she deserved better than that.
It shocked the hell out of me when I found out why she was crying. She actually asked me what was wrong with her. Can you believe that? She thought it was her fault that bastard couldn't keep it in his pants, that somehow she wasn't good enough. You have no idea how much I wanted to go to that apartment and tear him limb from limb. I couldn't though. The thought of leaving Bella alone was enough to keep me right where I was. I wanted to be strong for her, to show her that she deserved so much better.
I felt a lump form in my throat as I thought about her moving on and finding someone else. I wanted to be that person for her, but I knew I couldn't. If we ended up getting romantically involved and then something happened that ended our lifelong friendship, I could never forgive myself. I needed Bella in my life and would do anything to make sure she always would be. The important thing was that she was happy; nothing else mattered.
Newton didn't stop sending the gifts either. In fact, he started adding balloons and jewelry, too. That was the straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak. When I came home Monday afternoon, I laughed at the sign that was taped to the door. It read:
NOT ACCEPTING DELIVERIES
DON'T BOTHER KNOCKING
RETURN TO SENDER
AND TELL HIM TO
GO FUCK HIMSELF!
THANK YOU
I didn't even bother removing it as I walked in. It seemed as if Bella was getting her spunk back and that made me yearn for her even more.
So it's been a week since Bella moved in and we've fallen in to an easy groove. Bella doesn't start teaching for another twelve days, so she's taken up the chores around the apartment while I go to work during the day. Dinner's always on the stove when I get home and it always smells fantastic. She used to cook for me sometimes when we were in high school, but I have to say her culinary skills have improved tremendously. Wanna know what the best part is, though? I don't eat fast food three times a day anymore. I can go to the gym and actually feel like I'm making progress instead of just burning off the calories from my food the day before.
As we sit on the couch tonight and watch Burn Notice, I start to think about some things. Bella turns twenty-four on Monday and I don't know if she had anything planned with Newton or not. She usually reserved her birthday for her friends, but with this being the first year they were engaged, you never knew.
Anyway, I really want to take her out to dinner, just the two of us, but I'm not sure she'd want to go. I feel like I need to thank her for everything she's done around the apartment and dinner would be the perfect way to do that, right? Fuck! Who am I kidding? I want to take Bella on a date, but I can't call it that because she'll freak out; I know she will.
I'm not even really paying attention to the show as I sit with her. I'm contemplating whether or not I should ask her. Will she go with me? Will she feel uncomfortable if it's just the two of us? Does she already have plans? Is she even ready to go out again? She hasn't really been out of the apartment in a week after all. I mean, yes, she's gone to the grocery store to load up on food for the apartment, but that's about it.
I watch her out of the corner of my eye and see her laughing at something on the screen. It feels so fucking good to see and hear her laugh again, and I feel my heart beat a little faster in my chest. I'm fucking pathetic and I know it, but I don't care. If I can just talk Bella into going out with me one time, I'll be a happy man.
"So..." I say a little hesitantly. "Do you have any big plans for your birthday on Monday?"
I decide to beat around the bush a little before I put myself out there.
She pushed pause on the remote and turns to me. "Oh yeah, I've been meaning to talk to you about that."
Shit! She's already got plans. Who the hell would she be going out with though? My heart breaks as I think about all the possibilities. Has she met someone new already? It's only been a week and I don't really think the grocery store is considered a good place to find a date. That can't be it.
"Alice called to ask if we could go dancing next Friday night. She's still really bummed that we didn't go out last week and she wants me to make it up to her." Bella smiles at something she just thought of and then goes on. "Besides, she said that Jasper refuses to go out on a weeknight again. I guess they stayed up for hours after they left here, burning the alcohol from their systems, if you know what I mean. That's why he didn't end up going in to work on Thursday."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa! I do not need to hear about my baby sister's sex life, Bee. That's way too much info!" She just laughs at me when I react like I do and I love it. Not the fact that she's laughing at me, but that she's laughing at all. It's honestly the best sound in the world.
"She's nineteen now and engaged, Eddie. She isn't a baby anymore and you have to stop treating her like one. I mean," she pauses for a second and looks at me intently before continuing, "you didn't expect her to be a virgin forever did you?"
"Gah! Seriously Bee," I shake my head trying to clear it from such thoughts. "This is my sister we're talking about. Can we please change the subject?" I wipe at my eyes with my hands, but it isn't enough. I'm going to have pictures of my little sister having sex in my mind now forever. What's worse, is that I see her having wild monkey sex with my boss. Dammit! Talk about disturbing.
Bella holds her hands up in surrender. "Okay, okay! Geez," she sighs, "back to dancing Friday night. Do you already have plans? I don't want to go if you're not going to be there."
I look at her for a minute; I mean really look at her. Is she ready to go out dancing? I know we talked about going out a week ago, but we didn't. It was too soon. I have to admit though, the thought of Bella dressed up to go to a nightclub had me reeling inside. I imagine how good her body will look in a tight short skirt and low cut top. How every curve of her beautiful figure is perfectly accentuated.
Goddammit Cullen, snap the fuck out of it! This is your best friend you're obsessing over, not a freaking playboy bunny. I mentally berate myself for the path my thoughts have taken and then remember that she asked me a question. "Are you sure you're going to be up for it, Bee? I don't want Ali talking you into something you don't want to do."
She looks at me closely for a minute before she leans into me. My hands immediately wrap around her and I breathe easier with her in my arms; if only she felt the same way. "Thank you," she whispers softly against my chest.
"For what?" I ask, confused.
She smiles up at me and brushes her fingers softly down the length of my cheek. "For always looking out for me, for always being there when I need you, for just being you. I could never ask for a better friend." She sat up a little and brushed her lips softly against my cheek and it's like my whole world explodes right then and there. She pulls back and smiles. "I'm up for it. I feel like all I've done is mope around for the last week. It's time for me to get back out there, you know? So will you go?"
The thought of her getting 'back out there' made my heart sink into my stomach, but I plastered a smile on my face for her. "Of course I'll go if that's what you want. It's your birthday, after all." I know this is my chance to invite her to dinner Monday and I might not get another one, so I take a deep breath and decide to go for it.
"Speaking of your birthday, Bee, you never answered my question. Do you have plans on Monday night?" Please say no, please say no! I repeat those three words in my head as I wait for her answer.
"Nothing special. Since we usually hang out anyway, I never made any plans," she says as she looks at me expectantly.
This is it Cullen. It's time for you to man up and ask her already. "Well, I was wondering if you'd let me take you to dinner. You know, to thank you for everything you've done around this apartment in the last week." I add that last part on so she doesn't freak out about the invitation. I really want her to say yes.
"What are you talking about? You're the one who opened you're home to me when I needed a place to stay. I only did what I did to thank you for that." Shit! This is backfiring on me and she's gonna say no, I just know it. Fix this you dumb fuck! Now!
"Bella, don't be ridiculous. You are always welcome to stay with me; you know that. I don't expect anything from you when you do either. The truth is, I love having you here; it sort of feels like it used to when we were still living in know, before you started dating that asshole. We were inseparable, remember?" I can't say what I want to say, so I pray that she hears the hidden meaning in my words. I want her here. She makes this place feel like home.
I watch her as she smiles at me and I think that maybe I was able to salvage this somewhat. "I remember," she says a bit wistfully. Can it be possible that she feels something for me too? God I wish.
"So, what do you say, Bee? Will you let me take you to dinner on Monday? Please?" I look at her and smirk. She used to tease me all the time, calling it my 'panty dropping smile', so I figure I'll give it a try. I wasn't expecting Bella to jump into bed with me (not that I haven't thought recently about what it would be like) but I really want her to say yes. Please let her say yes.
She returns my grin with one of her own as she slaps my chest. "I know what you're doing Cullen, and it won't work." She's only ever called me Cullen when she's being playful, so I take this as a good sign.
My smirk grows wider as I respond. "I don't know what you're talking about Bee. I just want to take you to dinner." Not being able to resist, I wink at her and it earns me another smack in the chest.
She's laughing this time as she retorts, "You know damn good and well what I'm talking about, mister. You're using your panty-dropping smile you know girls can't resist so I'll agree to go out with you."
"Is it working?" God I love bantering with her like this; it's fucking amazing.
"What do you think?" I catch a brief glimpse of something in her eyes as she asks, but then it's gone in a flash. If I had to guess, I would say it was lust, but I'm probably just going crazy.
I laugh and pull her back into my chest, needing her close to me. "So is that a yes?"
She laughs and tries to wiggle out of my arms but I only hold her tighter. "Yes, okay? Yes! Now let me go dammit! I have to pee!"
I let her go almost instantly and she flies off the couch to the bathroom. As soon as she closes the door, I throw my arms up in the air and silently celebrate my small victory. Bella is letting me take her out for her birthday. I know nothing can come of it, but at least I get to spend some time with her before she moves on to find that special someone. Her happiness is all that matters to me.
A/N So what'd you think? Edward is definitely starting to feel something for Bella but he's fighting it every step of the way. Their friendship is too important for him to lose. Next up, MPOV. Don't forget to review!