Author's Note: We are still pre-party and bunny costume.
"Gloria Steinem"
Recommended Playlist: BLOOD IN THE WATER & OMIGOD YOU GUYS
EXT. HAUSER COURTYARD - DAY
The door opens and Elle stomps out. She makes her way to a
bench and flings herself down dramatically.
A moment later, Emmett exits the building. Elle spots him and
avoids making eye contact.
ELLE
I know what you're going to say: I
should have done the homework.
EMMETT
Yes, you should have. But, that
isn't what I was going to say.
Elle looks at him hopefully as he tosses down his bag then
takes a seat on the opposite side of the bench.
EMMETT
Because that's what I have been
saying and, apparently, it's advice
you don't want to take.
A beat as Emmett gives her a hard look. Elle swallows.
ELLE
So... what were you going to say?
EMMETT
I was going to ask if you are, for
some reason I couldn't possibly
comprehend, trying to sabotage your
law career before it even begins?
Elle hangs her head.
ELLE
Well, no, but--
EMMETT
Then you have to stop getting
kicked out of class, Elle.
Fully chided, Elle stares down at her feet.
ELLE
(quiet)
Why do you even care?
Emmett takes a moment to consider.
EMMETT
I know what it's like to not be
taken seriously. And I know what it
takes to overcome that.
Elle looks over at him carefully, thoughtfully. A beat.
ELLE
You really think I can do all this?
Pass Callahan's class? Get his
internship. Graduate from Harvard.
Have my very own "law career?"
EMMETT
Of course.
(he smiles genuinely)
Forrest and Woods, remember?
Elle's smile is touched. Her look becomes resolved.
ELLE
Tell me again. Your usual advice.
Emmett looks at her like she's baiting him.
ELLE
Please?
Emmett folds his arms and tilts his head down.
EMMETT
Do your homework. Do your reading.
Think before you speak in class.
Elle nods, processing.
ELLE
Okay.
Emmett narrows his eyes.
EMMETT
And, just like that, I'm supposed
to believe you're going to suddenly
do what I've been telling you to do
since the first day of class?
ELLE
Yes?
EMMETT
Why?
ELLE
Because tonight is going to
be a turning point, Emmett. I just
know it. I can feel it.
EMMETT
Okay. Turning point. From what to
what? I mean, what's been stopping
you from doing your school work?
ELLE
Oh, different things, but this time
it was highly important.
Emmett arches an eyebrow. Elle hesitates, but then smiles.
ELLE
I had to meet my friend
Paulette--you know, my stylist from
the Hair Affair--to get her secret
weapon costume out of storage.
EMMETT
A costume--
ELLE
Secret weapon costume--
EMMETT
A "secret weapon costume" is why
you didn't complete the assigned
reading... or answer the assigned
questions? And this sounds
perfectly reasonable to you?
ELLE
Well... the party's tonight.
EMMETT
Elle. Come on. Parties? Costumes?
Costume Parties... ?
Elle shrugs.
EMMETT
You do realize that this is Harvard
not high school, don't you?
ELLE
Yes...
Emmett raises his eyebrows. Elle grins.
ELLE
But the costume is awesome.
Emmett sighs, his look still disapproving. Elle smiles
excitedly, dying to tell him. He can't help but smile back.
He motions with a hand wave for her to spill it.
ELLE
Think... Playboy Bunny.
Emmett goes there, for the briefest second. He coughs a few
times and shakes his head.
EMMETT
You know, I think, maybe instead,
I'll think... Gloria Steinem...
Elle tilts her head.
ELLE
Gloria Steinem the feminist?
EMMETT
Circa 1963. Researching for her
feminist manifesto, "I Was a
Playboy Bunny."
Elle smiles.
ELLE
Gloria Steinem, the feminist, was a
Playboy Bunny? Nuh uh...
EMMETT
I guess you'll have to read the
article...
Elle laughs.
ELLE
Great, now you're giving me
homework, too?
EMMETT
Yeah, and I want a five-page
response paper on my desk Monday
morning.
Elle gauges his seriousness. He laughs.
EMMETT
Come on. I'm kidding.
ELLE
I know that.
EMMETT
I mean, given your track record,
why would I even bother? It's not
like you would actually do it.
Elle hangs her head.
EMMETT
I'm sorry. That was harsh.
ELLE
No, you're right. I'm here because
I'm serious, but... I'm not acting
like it. I swear, after tonight, I
just know everything will come
together like I've planned and I'll
finally be able to get down to
business.
EMMETT
I feel like there's something I'm
missing here. I mean, what does you
being serious have to do with a
costume party and a Playboy
B--uh... Gloria Steinem costume?
Elle chuckles at the re-label.
ELLE
I don't want to jinx anything so...
I'll tell you later. Okay?
EMMETT
(uncertain)
Okay...
Class releases through the door. Vivienne is
without Warner.
VIVIENNE
See you tonight, Elle?
ELLE
I'll be there.
VIVIENNE
Awesome.
Vivienne turns and whispers to Whitney and some of the
others. They chuckle and walk off together.
Emmett looks from Vivienne to Elle, very confused.
Warner exits the building a moment later, giving Elle and
Emmett a longer look than Vivienne did. He glances at Emmett
then gives Elle a grin, wink and wave. She waves back, a
smitten grin plastered across her face even after Warner
walks away.
EMMETT
Elle?
ELLE
Mmmm-uh? Um... hmm? Huh?
She focuses with all her strength and turns back to Emmett.
ELLE
Yes?
EMMETT
How long were you and Warner, you
know, together?
ELLE
Two years, eight months and...
(she thinks)
Four days.
Elle tilts her head.
ELLE
How did you know Warner and I once
dated? Is our chemistry that
obvious? Because I've been trying
to downplay it. No reason to flaunt
it in front of Viv-
EMMETT
Warner told me. The first day of
class. He also alluded to it the
other night when he told me that I
shouldn't ask you out.
Elle narrows her eyes. Emmett's face flushes.
EMMETT
Not that I was going to. I guess he
just thought, since I walked you
home... he assumed...
Elle grins happily.
EMMETT
What?
ELLE
Do you think he was jealous?
EMMETT
I think he was a jerk...
ELLE
Then he was jealous. That is so
great! Thank you, Emmett!
Elle jumps up and throws her arms around Emmett's neck.
Before Emmett can react at all, Callahan exits the building.
He smirks to himself and clears his throat. Elle steps away
from Emmett who quickly stands up, his face red.
ELLE
Oh. Professor Callahan. Just the
man I wanted to see.
Callahan chuckles.
CALLAHAN
You sure about that?
Callahan glances at Emmett as Elle make her way to him.
ELLE
I just wanted you to know that my
work ethic in your class so far
this semester has been atrocious.
Totally unacceptable.
CALLAHAN
(impatient)
Yes, Ms. Woods. I'm aware.
ELLE
But that is all going to change.
CALLAHAN
Good. Glad to hear it. Now, run
along and have a nice weekend.
ELLE
Oh, I will Professor. Thank you.
She turns to Emmett and mouths a silent "thank you" to him
as well. He smiles, a little wistful. Elle walks away.
Emmett turns back to the bench so he can collect his bag,
not making eye contact with Callahan.
CALLAHAN
Emmett? A word?
Emmett sighs and take a second to collect himself before he
turns to face Callahan.
EMMETT
Sir?
CALLAHAN
Who you choose to... hug, well,
that's your own business. And I
certainly understand why you would
choose Elle Woods--
EMMETT
I see what you're getting at, Sir,
but my intentions with Elle are
purely academic, I assure you.
Callahan laughs.
EMMETT
(defensive)
She needs some encouragement. Some
help with her studies. A mentor.
Callahan laughs harder.
EMMETT
She needs something more than
getting kicked out of class every
day, Professor. What does that
teach her about law?
Callahan stops laughing and glares at Emmett.
CALLAHAN
You think you can teach Elle Woods
something about law? That you can
get through to her by encouraging
her and helping her study?
EMMETT
I don't know, but--
CALLAHAN
She's an airhead, Emmett. A bimbo.
A completely incompetent idiot.
EMMETT
Professor Callahan, that's not
fair. Elle has potential. She--
CALLAHAN
Has no business at Harvard Law School,
much less my classroom. You want to
"mentor" her? Fine. But make sure
you do it on your own time, not mine.
I don't want to see you leaving every
time I ask her to go. Are we clear?
EMMETT
(restrained)
Crystal.
Callahan's mood lightens.
CALLAHAN
Good. Now. Do you have any plans
for this evening?
Emmett raises his eyebrows.
CALLAHAN
I'm having a party.
EMMETT
Oh. Wow. Professor, I--
CALLAHAN
And I had all these case files
laying around the house, organized
in my own way.
Emmett tilts his head.
CALLAHAN
My wife had the help put all of
them in the study. The problem is,
now they're all mixed up.
EMMETT
(matter-of-fact)
You want me to sort them out.
CALLAHAN
I figure you probably know my cases
better than I do at this point.
Emmett nods in agreement, but says nothing.
CALLAHAN
Besides, as we've already
established, you owe me some time.
EMMETT
(through his teeth)
Of course. I'll be there. Sir.
CALLAHAN
I knew I could count on you.
He places a heavy hand on Emmett's shoulder.
CALLAHAN
Be there at six.
Emmett nods once as Callahan walks away and leaves him
standing alone.
EMMETT
(singing)
I guess now my... blood's in the
water. I'm on his hit list.
Pointless to resist. Oh, well. For
Elle I think I'll persist as "blood
in the water." His new whipping
boy. She needs a mentor. I'll be
that and more. Elle Woods he can't
destroy...
Emmett smiles to himself, resolved. The lights go down as he
walks off stage.
A spotlight finds the Peer Jury as they run
out and address the audience like they're telling a big
secret and don't want to get caught.
PEER JURY
(singing)
Man, oh, man. Man, oh, man, we win.
That guy is so freaking smitten. He
said he'll be "that and more" and
though he claims his aim is pure...
Man, oh, man, we win.
Emmett stomps back onto the stage, looking irritated. The
Peer Jury tries to blend in with the scenery, but they fail.
EMMETT
Oh my God. Oh my God, you guys. No
one wants to hear this reprise. All
I want to do is save Elle from an
untimely demise.
PEER JURY
Oh, you're full of lies.
Emmett sends a look heavy on the daggers. The Peer Jury
members glance around at each other, gulping and looking
scared.
PEER JURY
Oh, all right. Oh, all right, you
win. If that's the defense you want
to spin. We're in your head anyway
so we'll help keep the truth
within. So, alright, you win.
The music ends. Emmett looks at them for a long beat.
EMMETT
Good.
The lights go down with one last, humorous and brassy note.
Fade to black.