The Mouse of Konoha

by obsidian dreamer

Never underestimate the power of good advice. A few wise words into a pair of young ears leads a young would-be ninja to a decision; the Leaf will recognise him, but not as the fox... now separate from Win Some, Lose Some!

10. Chapter 10 A Mouse of Tiles

Chapter 10 – A Mouse of Tiles

A/N: So then, the answer to the question – who felt the wrath of the Mouse's bite? Read below to see what it means to incur the wrath of a legendary prankster and future Hokage!

As he knocked on the door and settled back in a way that avoided the slight creak of the wooden decking beneath his feet, Chouza glanced around at the sturdy but plain wooden door before him and wondered if it would look more authentic with a pair of antlers or two adorning it before he straightened up, hearing faint footsteps approaching. As warm light spilled onto the standing area, the head of the Akimichi clan bowed deeply and held both hands out before him, the gift he had brought for the occasion nestled snugly within them as he spoke the time-honoured greeting,

"Nara-san, it is an honour to be invited to your clan house".

"It is a pleasure to receive you Akimichi-san", the tall, dark-haired woman answered with a formal bow before, as both straightened up, they simultaneously smiled and she stepped forwards into the large man's compassionate embrace, "it's good to see you again Chouza-kun – how is Chime-chan these days?"

"Ah, hanging on, hanging on Yoshino-chan; just under two years to go and she's already counting the days until little Chouji-kun can attend the Academy", the gentle giant chuckled, releasing the matriarch of the Nara clan from his brawny arms and looked her up and down, snickering slightly at her shuddering expression, "I trust you've not been bitten by the same bug". Yoshino groaned again,

"Oh but of course", she lamented, looking up at the shaking Akimichi and trying unsuccessfully to cut off his mirth with a dirty look, "about two years from now I'll be tipping Shika out of bed to attend the Shinobi Academy rather than the civilian one – you have no idea how embarrassing parents evenings are when all the senseis have to say is 'he could do better if he actually tried'". Chouza merely chuckled again, waving the smaller woman before him back into the warmth of her house rather than force her to suffer the bitter wind that was swirling through Konoha as a whole; though the teeth of winter had yet to bite, it wouldn't be long until the first true snows fell on the Leaf,

"Ah, but as my old grandfather used to say, the day a Nara, or at least a Nara man", he corrected himself at the last minute, still slightly fearful of the temper than had earned the woman who had become Yoshino Nara a reputation second only to the Hot-Blooded Haberano during their combined stints at the Academy together, "actually tries at anything is the day Kami-sama descends from the Higher Kingdom to pass judgement on us all. You bear a great burden Yoshino-chan; only your effort at whipping them all into shape stops the end of days dawning on us all".

"Flatterer", the Nara woman accused, though there was no denying the slight edge of a smirk that quirked her lips at his praise as she turned to escort him to the main play room, "anyone who wonders why the Akimichi always end up with the most beautiful of women as their brides has obviously never heard your silver tongues speak".

"Either that or they haven't figured out what else our silver tongues are skilled at", Chouza commented mildly, somehow keeping his expression as blank as it would be for the majority of the rest of the night as Yoshino froze and turned slowly towards her guest, a look of outraged shock mingled with embarrassment on her face as her quick mind easily dissected the double-meaning in his words – Chouza timed it to perfection, just waiting for her to draw breath to speak before finishing, "our skills in the kitchen are only made possible by such a refined sense of taste. Why Yoshino-chan", not even he could keep his face straight that long, not at the sight of the Nara matriarch's face slowly mottling to puce as she realised she'd been taken for a ride by the deceptively quick-witted Akimichi, "you're looking quite flushed; a little too much coal on the fire this evening?"

Try as she might to take offense at her husband's former team mate Yoshino found she could do little more than launch a soft punch into his shoulder, an attack about as effective as a mayfly bull-rushing one of her clans' deer. Chouza for his part merely chuckled again before holding up one hand and inclining his head in apology, the jilted woman eventually capitulating after making him sweat for a few seconds more,

"Bah, any more remarks like that it'll be you on that fire Akimichi Chouza and no-one in your clan would condemn me, Chime-chan least of all"; no, she wouldn't – in fact if anything she'd probably give you a hand; thinking about his own dearly-beloved wife, left alone for the evening with his son and the other youngsters of the clan while he attended the most importantly monthly gathering of the six noble clans of Konoha, a soft, slow smile of fondness crept over the huge mans' face as he looked up again and almost super-imposed the image of his own Chime-hime over the woman who had claimed Shikaku Nara as her own; and despite how much he might curse you as a troublesome woman, Inoichi and I both know he'd walk barefoot through Makai if it would make you smile.

"True, but don't you go giving her any ideas now Yoshino-hime; she's already looking for ways to cut down on our heating costs and the last thing I need is her trying to find out if it's possible to literally burn calories", Chouza warned half-jokingly, "still, am I the last one to arrive? If so I'm sorry but some important clan business came up – re-negotiating some of the licences for our stall stands took a lot longer than I was expecting". Yoshino nodded at this, a world-weary sigh escaping her lips as she stepped into the alcove of a nearby doorway, allowing the rotund ninja to pass by unimpeded on his way to the meeting room,

"Hai, it's always the way – I think Shikaku was up for all of, oooh, three extra minutes trying to wrangle a decent sum out of the hospital for our deer antlers. Lazy baka", she swore gently under her breath, fixing the corridor Chouza was walking down with a firm grim stare as though her eyes alone could lacerate her slothful husband even at this distance, "if it weren't for the fact I need his brains to keep our clan in the black I'd have tied one of his legs to one of Maito Gai's and asked the Green Beast to set a three-legged speed record a long time ago".

Such a thought, and such a mental image, made the Akimichi patriarch snort out loud in mirth, stopping in the hallway and sniggering helplessly; priceless, oh that was a classic – Morino Ibiki himself could learn new tricks from you Yoshino-chan. Bowing once more to excuse himself, Chouza headed down hallways that he remembered from his Academy days, brought over when Shikaku had invited his friends over to do typical kid's stuff such as watch clouds, stay up later than their parents knew and, when they'd gotten a little older, sneak glances at unseemly magazines they'd conned (or Inoichi had possessed) older people to buy for them. Good days, some of them at least; like most ninja Chouza had regrets and had lost many friends – of his year in the Academy, the vast majority who still drew breath were behind the door he could see just up ahead of him, bright light filtering out from its underside and muted snatches of conversation filtering into his ears as banished the memories of long-deceased friends and focussed himself on happier times, the times such as tonight when he pushed the door to the Nara guest room open and, seeing the other five pairs of eyes swivel to fix on him, raised both hand and voice in greeting,

"Evening all; sorry I'm late but if it hadn't been for Chime-hime using her dainty size fours I'd probably still be hibernating now".

XXX

As Inoichi, who was closest to the door, met his old comrade with a firm handshake at the same time as relieve him of the bottle of fine-quality matured mead the Akimichi clan head had brought with him to the gathering, it fell to the only female member of the six clan heads present to break the silence with a gruff laugh, balancing her chair on its rear two legs as she leant backwards to see the new arrival upside-down,

"Hah, I knew Chime was tough but I didn't know she was that strong", seeing the Akimichi's face darken as he realised what was likely coming next, the leader of the House of Dogs shot him a perpendicular wink before she finished, "she'd need legs like Gamabunta-sama for you to notice her kicking". Snorting dismissively, Chouza casually cuffed the smaller woman on the back of her head as he moved past her to his designated seat, taking care not to tread on her nin-ken partner as he did so as he doubted the slumbering form of Kuromaru would react kindly to having his tail accidentally flattened by an Akimichi sandal,

"And unless you want to find out what it feels like to be kicked by a leg the size of Gamabunta-samas I'd keep those jaws of yours locked", he reminded her, sitting down in his seat and shooting her a nasty glare before giving a smirk, "know your place Puppy-chan".

As expected that little comment made the Inuzuka's lip curl into a disgruntled snarl, but she resisted the urge to feed the little glass jar by the side of her with some of her hard-earned ryo – out of all the clan heads Tsume was well-known as the one with the worst mouth and, as Yoshino had a very low tolerance for swearing, always had to make sure she brought a well-stocked money pouch for the swear-jar the Nara leader's wife thoughtfully provided to cover her inevitable slip-ups as the night wore on. It wasn't her fault she was the youngest of the clan heads, being about two years younger than the next baby of the group Inoichi; she hadn't even been part of their Academy year but as there was no-one her own age Tsume could really connect to she had sort of been adopted into the circle of the others, first as the unofficial little sister figure then, as war had broken out and she and her nin-ken had thrown themselves bodily into the thick of the fighting and baptised themselves in blood and fire as had the rest of her friends, as a peer who was known and respected as being as hard-drinking and hard-swearing as the rest of the clan heads; though can I lose the Puppy label? Can I hell;

"If you're not careful my place will be on top of your cooling corpse, teeth in your throat and kunai running red", the Inuzuka groused, ducking out the way as the Akimichi chuckled at her pseudo-threat and leant forwards, seeking to ruffle her already-wild hair, "ah quit it; I want to at least start the game before I have to feed Yoshino's ryo-eating monster". That comment brought a chuckle from the other end of the table, Inoichi looking over as he helped his former team mate bring a thin green cloth to the table,

"Heh, bad news for you then Tsume-chan; I think Kunisa-koi might be taking a leaf out of Yoshino-chan's book sometime soon; hands". Even as she leant back to allow the Yamanaka clan head to throw the playing cloth over the table Tsume found herself groaning,

"Oh Kami-sama that's all I need, another clan trying to suck the last dregs of my clan's reserves out the coffers", she fixed the grinning Yamanaka with a piercing eye, "is it too much to ask that at least one of you could stand up to your better half once in a while? I could understand the human sloth over there", Shikaku merely inclined his head at the pseudo-insulting nickname as Tsume went on, "but I thought you had a bit more of a spine than that, Pansy-chan". The Yamanaka clan head winced, face flushing as a smattering of snickers at his expense filtered throughout the room before he faced his accuser and looked her dead in the eye,

"Unless", Inoichi ground out through clenched teeth, reminded once more of his own hated nickname from their school days; why – it wasn't my fault my clan own a flower shop chain! What was I supposed to do – it's hard enough to be a macho teenager when you come into school every day quite literally smelling of roses; "you want to spend the next twenty-four hours trapped in your own mind with me recounting every single D-ranked mission you've ever been on with perfect recall and an emphasis on the embarrassing bits, I'd leave that particular name in the greenhouse if I were you Tsume-chan". The Inuzuka held her hand up, deciding against needling the Yamanaka clan head just in case she needed an ally as the night wore on,

"Hai, hai, no offence meant Ino-kun", memory of the Yamanaka's other nickname brought another, safer avenue of conversation to Tsume's mind, "speaking of which how is that little blonde harridan of yours? Still raising the dead at all hours of the morning or has she grown out of that phase yet; I'm only lucky I've got Hana-chan to thrash Kiba-kun around if he wants a bit of exercise". Chuckling, Inoichi nodded gratefully,

"She has, praise the Kami", he sighed, shaking his head as he remembered the apple of his eye, now hopefully wrapped up in a bundle of nice warm blankets at home with her mother before looking across and casting an envious glance at their host for the evening, "something I doubt you've ever had a problem with Shika". The elder Nara nodded, opening the drawer at the side of the table he was sat at,

"True, one thing Yoshino-hime's grateful for is that the children in this household don't tend to wake up early"; well, not the Nara children at least; stifling that line of thought before anyone could see it being drawn on his face and give away the plans he had for later in the night, Shikaku moved on, "we were more likely to be worried that Shikamaru had passed away in his sleep rather than being woken up by him demanding to watch the early-morning cartoons". That made Chouza snort with mirth, the Akimichi turning in his seat to regard the other two guests to the evening's events,

"Very true, little Chouji is getting rather partial to a weekend breakfast in front of the television set; what about you Shibi-san, any luck with that electrical problems you were having?" Dark glasses flashing as he turned in his seat, the Aburame clan head merely shook his head before speaking in his quiet but still forceful voice,

"No, there has been no progress; the electromagnetic field generated by the device is uncomfortable for the kikaichu and it is therefore not possible for members of my clan to abide prolonged exposure to such devices. For that reason our shinobi children will never know the power of this new technology", there was the slightest hint of a pause, a movement so delicate none but an Aburame could have made it and still remained innocuous as Shibi shifted the entire axis of the conversation to the man sat one seat to his right, "much like your own will not, am I correct Hiashi-san?"

The Hyuuga lord for his part merely nodded slightly, the enlarged veins around his eyes glittering slightly in the overhead light as he skilfully poured fine rice wine from a crystal decanter into a selection of half a dozen dishes,

"They will not, the elders and I will not permit it", the most traditional and straight-laced of the clan heads intoned, as always so serious and mature that it was virtually impossible for most of his peers to remember that he was younger than both Shibi and Chouza, though only by a few months, "there is nothing on this new medium that can't be taught from scrolls and ink, added to the fact that to install more electrical supplies to the entire Hyuuga compound would be a serious expense that would take months to recoup. For once I am in agreement with the elder advisors", having finally ensured that each of the saucers were filled with precisely identical amounts of alcohol, Hiashi stood and reached over the table to distribute them over the table with little respect for correct decorum, this being the singular night a month where he, perhaps more so than the other clan heads, was able to shuck off the responsibilities of his household and wear a friendlier face than the one he was usually forced to don around Konoha, "there's little point and anyway, we couldn't really afford it if we wanted to". As if by magic Shikaku's eyes were drawn to the face of Hiashi's long-term sparring partner and the fraction of his mind not involved in contemplating how best to bring up the most important piece of business he had to discuss with his friends this evening simultaneously chuckled and braced itself; three, two, one...;

"Ah, that you could you cheapskate old waxwork", even in the face of the trademarked Byakugan stare of disdain Tsume merely flashed her fangs toothily as she knocked back a generous measure of the saki he'd poured, "just get your clan to go without washing their hair for a day or, Kami-sama forbid it, two on the trot. The saving in water alone would be enough to install a telly in every house in Konoha; heck, add to that how much you'd save in cosmetics and you could probably hire a full kabuki show any time you felt like it".

Bristling at the shot to his clans' collective pride (and with more than a few choice words about the Inuzuka's rumoured bathing habits already on his lips), Hiashi studiously ignored the sight of most of the other clan heads suppressing smirks at Tsumes' jibe and opened his mouth to deliver a cutting riposte before he was cut off by the kitchen door opening. Glancing up, he saw Yoshino enter the main room and stand to the side with her head bowed, he glimpsed the figure appearing in the doorway behind her and, even before the traditional requirement was halfway out of the Nara woman's mouth, he and the rest of the ninja present had stood to attention in the presence of their leader,

"All rise for Hokage-sama".

XXX

Glancing around the table before him as he pulled the ornate hat off his head Sarutobi didn't even try to stop the smile that wormed its way over his face; I see you all here now, and in you do I see your fathers and mothers, and their fathers and mothers too in some cases. Truly age is the double-edged sword that cuts all ninja – even as our bodies wither our memories remain, Kami-sama willing, to nourish us in our twilight years; quitting his thought before he could get too deep into his contemplations and ruin the atmosphere, Sarutobi merely inclined his head politely at his escort, held in his mirth at the small blush that appeared on Yoshino's cheeks; still got it – there's life in this old monkey yet; and beckoned to the other half-dozen ninja at the table, favouring them with an expression of almost grandfatherly affection,

"My thanks; please, be seated", he waited until they had all done so before bowing to Shikaku, grateful for the entry into his clan house, "my apologies to drop in like this uninvited Shikaku-kun but I couldn't get a message sent at any time – paperwork, you know how it is?" Nodding even as he stood to provide easy access to the seventh chair at the table, Shikaku answered the village's leader,

"Very true Hokage-sama, nothing could be worse than..."

"...Than getting your wife to write it all down while you dictate", Yoshino finished for him, her expression almost toxically sweet as she smirked at her husband at the same time as air one of his baskets of dirty laundry in front of his friends, "there I am hunched over by candle light scribbling like a possessed librarian while you're up on the roof with a glass of deer's milk in your hand, watching the clouds and shouting down the figures to me". There was a smattering of general hilarity at this admission, even the scars on the side of the Nara patriarch's face going crimson as he cringed under the harsh reminder and put a mental note in his diary that his beloved wife was owed some pampering the next time he had some time free in his diary. Sarutobi for his part merely shook his head while smiling, remembering Yoshino from when she'd been an Academy student and grateful to see that marriage to the laid-back Nara hadn't dampened her Will of Fire at all as he settled at the table seat, graciously accepted a saucer of sake from Hiashi and turned to look over the other six players of the game tonight.

How the monthly meeting of the clan heads quite came about no-one was really that sure; even Sarutobi, with his long memory, would never have been able to quite put his finger on the date the first meeting was called with any degree of certainty. All that was known now, even by the venerable Hokage himself, was that this night, held in rotation throughout the six of the seven major clan houses throughout Konoha, served two very important purposes; it allowed free discussion of strictly-ninja or clan-affiliated business without any civilians around to overhear what could be sensitive information and, perhaps more importantly, it was night where the clan heads could, as much as they were able to, let off a bit of steam, remember old comrades and friends and generally have a small celebration over a few rounds of whatever game they all felt like playing and several cups of sake. Of course, like all ninja meetings and habits, the attendance role had waxed and waned over the years as clans rose or fell in prominence and even Konoha herself had been called to war, negating the hosting of such potentially frivolous and high-priority target events while battles raged far from the home front, but for the past few years the standard six clan heads had mostly heeded the call, helped by the fact that all had known, fought and bled alongside each other in the trenched; heck three of the current clan heads together made up one of Konoha's most successful three-man teams.

Regardless that only six usually attended however, there was always an extra chair put out at the table; this tradition Sarutobi did remember the start of, both he and the other two members of his genin squad reduced to tears of laughter at the mental image of their sensei, the great Nidaime Hokage, sitting on a large upturned flower-pot in the Yamanaka clan house until a more suitable alternative could be found after he dropped in unexpectedly and the mind-walking clan found themselves caught uncomfortably short for seating. The peripheral seventh chair was therefore always present around the table primarily in case any unexpected guests showed up for the night, but also as a show of, if not solidarity, then at least acceptance that the one noble clan who never graced the meeting was present in spirit if not in body.

The Uchiha clan, as decreed by the tenets laid down during the formation of Konoha itself, lived by their own volition alone and isolated within their compound and not a single one of their clan heads had ever attended an informal meeting such as this one, preferring instead to state their business officially in the time-tabled council meetings. The official reason for such isolationism, according to the Sharingan wielders, was that as they ran Konoha's police force they had to appear incorruptible at all times and, though no offence was meant in any way to the other clans, potentially rolling out of a fellow ninja's clan house three sheets to the wind at some ungodly hour of the morning may have put a few doubts in the minds of those they were supposed to protect about their supposed unimpeachability. The unofficial reason, voiced by Akimichi Chouza's father when he'd had a good few tankards of mead in his belly, was that the Uchiha clan 'had so much wood up their collective backside that Shodaime-sama could have grown a second Konoha if they all bent over at once'.

Needless to say, though much less tactful, the second of these explanations was often considered to be the more accurate of the two.

However right now such things were far removed from everyone's mind – if the Uchiha wanted to be sticks in the mud who was anyone here to tell them otherwise? No, better to forget the clan of red-eyed egotists for the night and shuffle the mah-jong tiles for the first game – though slightly old-fashioned, this game had always been popular with the Nara clan for the simple reason it was impossible for the members of the deer-breeding clan to cheat by counting cards; not that they ever would at all, thinking it too troublesome to bother; but the lack of options made everyone else feel slightly more at ease as Shikaku, after some fifteen minutes of general banter, greeting and soft leg-pulling between the reunited shinobi, stood and almost reverently removed an old but sturdy wooden box from the top of the kitchen shelves, the material as polished and glossy as it had been the day it had been made, a gift for the former head of his clan created by the Shodaime in thanks for the Nara lending their strength and brains to Konoha in its infancy.

The top of the Mokuton box was held shut by a relatively simple little sliding puzzle that every Nara child, as a rite of passage within the clan, had to break without aid to access the carved puzzle pieces within. Shikaku himself could recall sitting at the puzzle for no more than half an hour before it confessed its secrets to him, the feat noted with interest amongst the then-elders, now ancestors of his clan; though I doubt Shikamaru would take even that long, least of all if he had some outside help with his new best friend. Doing his best to forget that horrible night in its entirety, Shikaku turned back to the table and set the box down, fingers flicking through the correct sequence of the puzzle without him even needing to look at it as one of the other clan heads, seeing this as his last chance, stood up to excuse himself for a minute to the traditional round of cat-calls,

"Well, just before this all kicks off", Inoichi claimed as he came to his feet, looking towards the door, "let me go and get the biological necessities out of the way". Even Hiashi couldn't quite hold in is smile at that one; as much as blonde hair and pale blue eyes were part of the Yamanaka heritage, so too did it appear that low bladder tolerance was a clan trait,

"Hah, and you're supposed to be an infiltration specialist?" Tsume nettled the retreating clan head as she pulled her chair in to let him move past, "No wonder your clan came up with those fancy mind-invading techniques; living in someone elses' body for a while would be the only way you'd sit through a meeting in an enemy country without that shrivelled pea of yours bursting". Despite himself Inoichi smirked at her ribald humour, looking over his shoulder as he put his hand on the door,

"I'll remind you of that when the play reaches a critical point and you're there with a bellyful of sake and water – mind you, I suppose desperate times are the only times you ever cross your legs like a proper lady Tsume-chan". Grinning at her grimace and rude gesture, the head of the Yamanaka clan pulled the kitchen door open and made to find his way to the nearest lavatory, the same pattern that had repeated itself for several years at a variety of clan houses throughout the years, a relatively comfortable, rhythmic pattern that represented an anchor of stability for the eldest and most powerful of the jounin in Konoha in the turbulent world that all shinobi lived in.

However, as Inoichi pulled the door open and a fluffy blonde head suddenly thrust itself into his eyeline from above with a very loud, boisterous greeting of,

"Boo!" The anchor was shifted violently and the resultant turbulence sparked a chain of events that would still be talked about by the clan heads years down the line.

Inoichi let out a noise that he would insist to his dying day was a 'manly shout of alarm' (as opposed to the 'girly shriek of terror' everyone else seemed to remember) and backpedalled frantically from the grinning apparition, palming for a kunai as he did so. However, in his quite understandable haste to get away from the source of the fright, he failed to show the same care and attention to detail his former team mate had and accidentally brought his foot down squarely on the tip of Kuromaru's tail.

The nin-ken for his part had been dozing quietly under the table, taking the opportunity away from the Inuzuka kennels to catch up on his sleep away from his pack. Such a slumber, however, was rapidly disturbed by Inoichi's shoe and as a result the nin-ken leapt up to defend himself with an ear-splitting yelp; however due to a discrepancy between the height of the table and the height of Kuromaru, the nin-ken ended up virtually concussing himself on the underside of the hard wooden beams.

The impact of the leaping dog made the entire table jump; unfortunately for Hiashi, who had been taking a sip of sake at the time, the sudden movement of the table jarred his elbow. As a result of this half the sake in his saucer shot straight up his nose, the rest ruined a pristine kimono beyond repair and only the sudden thump on the back from the Hokage managed to stop the Hyuuga clan head choking to death on his beverage.

Inoichi was already off-balance and stumbling; the fact that Kuromaru pulled the rug from under his feet as he whipped his tail back to himself was the final straw for his balance. Fortunately Chouza had been half-stood in reaction to his friends' shout of alarm and was able to field the falling form of the Yamanaka clan head, though the impact of his friend into his stomach knocked them both down into Chouza's seat.

Finally, at the epicentre of this maelstrom, a single figure remained mostly unruffled by the bedlam that had erupted all around him; the host of the evening let out a long sigh, muttered a quick 'troublesome' under his breath and, eventually, steeled himself to look up at the child now clinging to the ceiling of his clan home,

"Hello Naruto", the Nara patriarch sighed, watching as the jinchuuriki's grin only widened, "you're a little late you know – you were supposed to arrive with Hokage-sama weren't you?" The blonde-haired child looked to be about to answer when another, much sharper voice cut in and made everyone at the table cringe,

"Uzumaki Naruto", flames of maternal concern suddenly cast Yoshino Nara into a hellish silhouette as she glared at the interloper, the jinchuuriki for his part trying his hardest to meld into the ceiling and look innocent as the elder Nara fixed him with a piercing gaze and pointed hard at the floor, "what did I tell you about that trick of yours? I won't have you worming your way up the walls unless your feet are closest to the floor and the ceiling is completely out of bounds – what would happen if you fell and landed on your head?"

"I'd dent the floor", he didn't even miss a beat with either his answer or his grin but, seeing the womans' stony face, folded arms and tapping foot, decided to err on the side of caution and ducked his head back meekly, maximising the amount of his body in contact with the ceiling of the hallway from where he'd reared up like a cobra ready to strike, "hai Yoshino-san, won't happen again but I needed to make an impact and... you know", he suddenly spoke again after breaking off for a minute and looking past the hostess for the evening to see part of the organic wreckage his impact had left in its wake, "you guys might have been part of a team once and I can unnerstand you're close because of that, but even so that looks really disturbin' from up here".

At the sudden reminder of their position and the fact that everyone turned to see what the brat had seen, Inoichi and Chouza sprang apart so fast it appeared they'd never even come together in the first place; despite their speed however, it wasn't quite quick enough to prevent the Hokage from being forced to mask a sudden smirk as he caught a glimpse of the back of the Yamanaka's head being cupped softly by Chouza's massive hands, supported by the Akimichi's lap. As the two clan heads brushed themselves down and Inoichi tried to get some colour back in his cheeks after his sudden shock, the burning question on everyone's mind was skilfully delayed for a moment as the second Naruto's sandal hit the floor, he found the upper arm of his jumpsuit gripped firmly but not unkindly by Yoshino, the woman already talking as she began to pull him away towards the back of the kitchen, towards where one of the Nara pantries lay,

"Can't you do anything quietly for once?" Recognising a loaded question when he heard it Naruto wisely remained quiet and followed as the taller shinobi dropped her grip and looked down at him with an expression of almost fondness in her gaze, something that shocked all the other ninja present and made the Hokage raise an eyebrow; now this should be a story to hear and no mistake;

"Well, what's done is done, and you're here now if a little on the late side – luckily I managed to save some of those butter muffins my aunt makes before Shikamaru got his mitts on them. Get yourself a plate made up while Shikaku and I fill the others in on your offer". Licking his lips with anticipation for the feast to come, Naruto didn't even bother trying to argue; instead he merely inclined his head politely towards the flabbergasted audience of senior ninja, darted ahead to the open doorway Yoshino had pointed down and disappeared from sight.

XXX

Everything that boy does is troublesome; the gazes that were being turned his way were so strong and so demanding he couldn't just feel them, he could virtually see them – not for the first time since the Uzumaki had literally turned up on his doorstep uninvited and thrown his previously ordered schedules into almost complete disarray, Shikaku felt a headache building even if the comforting presence of his wife helped dissipate the pressure somewhat. Taking a last deep breath and letting it out in a sigh, the Nara leader looked up at his peers and superior and started to speak,

"Before you say anything, I would just say that Naruto is here on, well", the black-haired man let out a gruff snort of laughter as he shrugged, "actually he is here on his own behalf but he has my permission for such an act".

"What act?" Hiashi, having finally recovered from his coughing fit and with eyes still watering from the impact of the potent rice wine into his nasal cavities, rounded on his friend, only just able to suppress the urge to flare his bloodline limit as he went on, gesturing across the table and then at himself to emphasise his point, "Aside from scaring Inoichi-san half to death, knocking Tsume's nin-ken into next week and ruining a perfectly good kimono, to say nothing of half-drowning me, what has that boy achieved?"

"Nothing, yet", Shikaku conceded, though there was an inflection to his voice that made his former team mates pay close attention to his words as he went on; a lifetime of working with the relaxed ninja had given them an almost prenatural ability to understand when he was being serious and this was definitely one of those times, "but both Yoshino-chan and I both thought that some months back and he surprised both us and the clan as a whole, as I believe he will you. You remember that storm, the really bad one at the back end of this summer – it blew down one of our deer enclosures and, I think, riled up your kikaichu something chronic Shibi-san?" The Aburame nodded,

"Hai, that storm was unusually fierce, but I fail to see the relevance of a natural weather event and the presence of Uzumaki Naruto at the gathering of clans". Shikaku gave an embarrassed, sheepish sort of grin as he remembered the first time he'd heard about the interloper in the Nara clan grounds,

"It matters because, to the shame of our clan, we were the reason Naruto-kun ended up right in the middle of it".

XXX

"Dad", the fact his son was actually shouting loudly enough to be heard was reason enough to realise something was wrong, "I found the burglar".

There was precious little in Konoha as a whole that could be guaranteed to get Nara Shikaku up and moving at anything even approaching high speed but the potential of a threat to his family was most certainly one of them; everyone in the clan had been on high alert since the chakra-detecting seal matrix placed on the outer fence of the clan compound had been activated, though due to the inclement weather that was rushing in to meet them, no-one was going to rush out there to check without further proof. Now however, as Shikaku rushed towards the sound of his son's voice, he cursed that someone perhaps should have paid a little more attention; with a few other members of his clan and the sight of Diashi, an uncle of his noted in Kiri's Bingo book as being almost equal to one of their Seven Swordsmen with his skill in the kusuri-gama, giving him confidence in the situation, the head of the shadow-manipulating clan burst into the first-floor hallway area of the west wing of the clan house and almost immediately stuttered to a stop, the remaining Nara on his heels just about pulling up in time to avoid running him over. Black eyes darted from the slouching form of his son to the window he was looking out of and, beyond that, the small, bright orange figure that was balanced precariously on the thin window ledge,

"Ah, hi", the would-be thief managed with a nervous chuckle and a slight wave as he clung on against the battering wind, "believe it or not I can explain everything..."

Such an explanation happened not a minute later; having hoiked the trespasser in through the opened window and pushed him into the nearest sitting room, Shikaku had sent for his wife while the child, who he had belatedly recognised as the Kyuubi jinchuuriki, was left under the watchful eye of Diashi, hardly daring to even breathe too loudly in case the chain-wielding ninja took offence. While they waited for Yoshino to arrive Shikaku slumped into his favourite chair and fixed his most fearsome, half-lidded glare towards the stranger stood opposite him, smiling thinly as he watched the boy squirm,

"So", he began slowly, already finding this too troublesome to carry on for long, "Uzumaki Naruto, that is you isn't it?"

"Hai, I was..."

"Good", Shikaku overrode him, carrying on without breaking stride, "well in that case tell me – how do you think the Hokage would react if I reported to him that his favourite orphan was developing a case of sticky fingers and had been caught red-handed trying to sneak into the home of one of Konoha's seven noble clans? I'm not a hundred percent on the laws of Konoha as they stand now but in my day they tended to execute people for that sort of thing". As he'd expected Naruto's eyes grew huge at that sort of threat and he drew in a hasty breath to explain himself but Shikaku wasn't quite done yet, still impaling the jinchuuriki with his cold stare,

"That, of course, is just the public punishment; as a ninja and an owner of property in the village of Konoha I am quite within my rights to punish any trespassers as I see fit", the Nara informed him casually, holding in his smile as he realised he was getting through to the captured party; so with any luck he won't be doing this again; "so, convince me why I shouldn't beat you to within an inch of your life. You have five minutes – go".

Of those five minutes, as he'd expected, Naruto lost the first fifteen or so seconds fighting down hyperventilation and gabbling sentences desperately before, after a calming tap between the ears from Diashi, he seemed to recollect himself and looked up to meet the more experienced ninja's eye, wary respect and obeisance, if not outright grovelling, present in those blue orbs,

"Right, well first off I'm not a thief", he claimed challengingly, almost daring anyone present to gainsay him before, realising their silence, he continued, "I was on the training fields and runnin' back to try and get out the way of the clouds overhead, got lucky and had an ANBU pitch me over the wall and I was set to get home when I saw something, a light flashing on and off. I had no idea what it meant but thought someone should check it out – I tried lookin' for another ninja on my way here but couldn't find any of them, not even the ANBU, and I ran here to your compound. You caught me just when I saw what the light was; that window I was climbing towards, the shutter was blowing completely loose and it was banging open and shut. I thought someone was tryin' to send a signal or something, I couldn't just leave it until I knew nothing was up". At this explanation Shikaku blinked for a moment, lost so deep in thought that it was actually Diashi who spoke first,

"You broke into our clan compound because you saw a light?"

"Yeah; well, I didn't want to break in but I couldn't find anyone around; I tried shouting but it's howlin' a gale out there, I don't think anyone heard me and no-one was sorting out the loose shutter and I couldn't see if the window was shut. I'm no genius but even I can figure out that a storm like that through an open window wouldn't be good for any property; so the only thing I could do was try to get over the gate and sort the problem out myself". Shikaku mulled this over before shrugging,

"Fair point, I can understand that", the clan had accepted that logic before moving on to the meat of the issue, "so though, from there how did you get into the compound? We were tipped off by the seal array that chakra had been used on the wall, that was you I assume, climbing over it?"

"Uhh, yeah, that must have been it", Naruto confirmed with a nod, "I'd tried shoutin' over the wall but no-one heard me – you had the gate guards brought in because of the weather right?"

"Correct – I'm not cruel enough to force some of my clansmen to stand out by the gate when it's threatening a monsoon outside", Shikaku informed him, leaning forwards in his chair and fixing his eyes on the jinchuuriki in front of him, "so then, you got to the window where the light was coming from and tried to close it?" Naruto started bobbing his head rapidly before the lazy Nara's next question brought him up short,

"And it didn't occur to you to just knock and let us know about the issue?"

No, I guess it didn't; seeing the expression of dumb incomprehension plastered onto the Uzumaki's face the shadow manipulator just about bit back a sigh of exasperation – the words he had meant to speak next, however, were lost for all time as with a thunder of feet his wife arrived with their son in tow, Shikamaru for his part looking disgruntled and trying half-heartedly to pull his way out of Yoshino's iron grip as the incensed woman glared around before her eyes locked onto Naruto like a bowsight,

"You", she proclaimed damningly, her son once more shouting for his freedom and demanding liberation from the troublesome woman as Naruto for his part swallowed hard and nodded, "were you the one who scared my sweet Shikamaru-kun by trying to sneak in?"

"H, Hai, but it wasn't my fa-ahhhaahaoww! Leggo!" Unfortunately Yoshino, having crossed the room faster than a heartbeat and seized the jinchuuriki by the ear with a grip as hard as Muruda's smithing tongs, was all but breathing fire at the orange miscreant and in no mood for excuses. She began dragging Naruto upright before giving a hearty shake, was feeling too bloody-minded to care for his suffering,

"I'll let go young man, the second you're outside – I don't care if this was a prank, a dare or anything else as ridiculous, I'll teach you to invade our home! Shikaku", the Nara patriarch, knowing full well it was a fool's errand to try and argue with his wife when she was in this kind of mood, sprang to attention and promptly began nodding in the right places, "stop looking ornamental and make sure Shika-kun drinks his deer's milk with dinner, I'll deal with this delinquent".

With that she let go of her own flesh and blood and only tightened her grip on the stranger child, Naruto all but clawing at her hand to try and alleviate the pressure on his trapped appendage,

"Ahh, oohya, let go you crazy bit...!" He was cut off by a resounding slap to the back of his head, dazing him before he was forced to try and catch up as the Nara woman stormed off, dragging him away to Kami-knows-where, a running commentary being muttered venomously from under her breath,

"...these days, my Shika would never be so rude as to try and barge in like that. And what were you thinking, climbing up a wall like that?" Through a film of tears Naruto saw the raven-maned hellion glare down at him but before he could get so much as a word in edgeways they were off again as a fast clip, leaving him stumbling to try and keep up, "You might have slipped and broken your neck, and if Shika had screamed or you'd fallen in one of the ninja of this clan might have attacked or even killed you without realising you were a child. I don't know what you were thinking but mark my words you won't be thinking it again after this". She came to a halt in front of what Naruto dully recognised as the front door before throwing it open, the sudden rush of cold wind mercifully cool on his burning ear as she let go and pushed him none too kindly forwards, transfixing him with a penetrating stare as he glared up at her, outrage building that his would-be good deed had been spurned in such a painful manner,

"We won't report you to the Hokage or the Uchiha police but this is your only warning; you won't be so lucky second time around. Now go home", Yoshino pointed down the path, the gates of her clan ground just about visible through the darkening gloom and the first few spots of rain dotting the ground around them, "you got in, you can get out the same way".

"But it's gonna lash down in a minute", Naruto pointed out, feeling out from under the porch with a hand and shivering as he felt his hand and the sleeve of his jumpsuit were deluged with raindrops, "have a heart Nara-san, I was just..."

"None of your excuses", Yoshino was generally relatively even-tempered for a kunoichi but when something threatened someone dear to her, as she'd heard this orange little sneak had done by staring into the window and startling her son, she was as dangerous and merciless as a tigress defending her cubs, "this'll learn you to respect other people's property and not go traipsing onto clan grounds. If you're quick you should miss the worst of it". With that she stepped back and shut the door in his face, shaking herself down and muttering under her breath at the youth of today while her former unwelcome guest was left staring at the door that been slammed in front of him.

What was that for?; brain slightly confused by the situation that had spiralled completely out of control and landed him out here, facing a soaking, Naruto was left to ask the obvious question; I was just trying to help and they threw me out on my ear. If anything they should be thanking me; a rebellious fire of indignation was lit in his mind as he replayed what had happened and how, if he'd been so inclined, he could have struck a very serious blow against the so-called noble clan; I gave that boy a shock – if I'd been an enemy I'd have done a lot worse! And I will; as heavy drops of rain, round and shiny as glittering pennies, started falling around him around him and began churning the ground to mud, Naruto gave the locked portal before him a last petulant kick before hoisting his jumpsuit jacket over his head and making a dash from the Nara clan gate, hoping to retrieve his precious rucksack from where he'd hidden it in a bush prior to starting this ill-fated adventure before any of his stock succumbed to rust, thoughts of revenge now spinning and crystallising in his irked, betrayed mind; soon as I figure out how, I'll get the Nara for this...

XXX

"I will admit", Yoshino said regretfully to the assembly before her all, the clan heads looking half-amazed, half-amused by the situation thus far even if one or two of them were trying to put together how this related to the presence of the Uzumaki this evening at a clan meeting, "I misjudged him, badly; it was only when Shika-kun told me what had actually happened that I realised I'd been a little hasty and punished someone who'd done us a favour. I did ask the rest of the clan to keep an eye out for him on the training grounds to offer an apology but he seemed to be avoiding us completely; no-one in the clan saw him for two months after I threw him out. We thought he was avoiding us, in fact I was on the verge of coming to you Hokage-sama, to find out where he lived and apologise in person; thankfully however", she turned around just as Naruto reappeared from the pantry, a large bread-board in one hand and a packet of butter and a knife in the other, grinning as he'd heard everything thus far and was looking forwards to the next bit as Yoshino tried to lance him with a basilisk glare but couldn't quite hold it, instead looking away with something like slightly fond annoyance in her voice as she finished, "due to his...talents, he was able to rectify the situation before it got too far out of hand and bruised more than our clan's pride". Curious despite the sinking feeling in his stomach, Sarutobi looked between the Nara and the Uzumaki, who had pushed himself up onto one of the kitchen work surfaces and was slathering one of the cut-open bread buns in butter, and felt the curiosity curdle to trepidation in his gut as he asked the thousand-ryo question,

"Do I dare ask how you managed this Naruto-kun? And if the answer is going to involve a lot of tedious paperwork then something tells me I'd be better off not knowing". Butter muffin halfway to his mouth, Naruto froze and lowered the tasty treat, regarding his adopted grandfather with something approaching hurt in his face,

"Jiji, I'm shocked", the jinchuuriki faux-moaned, hamming up the act of being betrayed by the aged Hokage, "you know I hate that stuff as much as you do. Anyway, I didn't do anythin' too bad..."

"Apart from shocking some three or four years off my remaining natural life-span", Shikaku grumbled, gazing at the child sidelong from his seat; Naruto for his part merely grinned and scratched the back of his neck sheepishly,

"Well, this was revenge and besides", he shrugged carelessly, not even Shikaku quite able to keep his face completely stony under the effect of the megawatt grin as he went on, "what's a minor heart attack or two between friends?"

XXX

In all honesty he should have known, or at least suspected, something strange was afoot; after all, no Nara in history had ever, after being put to bed with brushed teeth and a kiss from his mother on the forehead, ever gotten back up and confronted his parents with the words that Shikamaru had spoken, words that had almost resulted in his mother dropping an armful of crockery and his old man fainting dead away in the kitchen,

"Tou-san, kaa-san; I'm not tired".

And he wasn't at all; recalling for the first time in his life the horrible memories of being forced to chase around the house after his suddenly hyper son, the smaller Nara using his whipcord-thin body and newly-found reflexes to evade every lunge, grab and tackle Shikaku made until he was forced to resort to the Kage Mane to keep him in one place long enough to catch properly; in fact, I think a light Neck Bind would probably have been easier that settling him down the hard way. Not that I'd ever let Yoshino-hime know that; the thought of what his wife would do to him if she knew, or even had a suspicion, that he'd use a potentially lethal technique on his own flesh and blood in exchange for a quiet life was enough even to make a war veteran such as him shiver in his sandals.

"Get him bedded down for the night Shika-kun?" He looked over fondly at where Yoshino was already in bed and reading from a book as she waited for him; for his part, he groaned as he sat down and reached for the buttons of his jounin vest,

"Hai, though Kami-sama alone knows he must have had an imp of some kind possess him for a moment – I can't explain it any other way. He's a true Nara, never goes out of his way to play around especially at night; I have no idea what must have gotten into him to act like that..."

"Well I could give you a hint, but it'll cost you".

Nara Shikaku froze, absolutely stock-still as the unfamiliar voice echoed around his bedroom; feeling his head turn without moving his neck, his horrified visage met that of his wife, as white in the face as a corpse as she too realised there was a stranger in there with them. A sudden flare of chakra broke the spell; even before the pulse receded Yoshino had sprung to her husband's side and the Nara clan head had his hands flashing though seals, ready to unleash the shadows at his unseen enemy, though as the silence was broken by the sound of sudden, unstoppable laughter, much too high-pitched to be a potential assassin, the Nara clan head felt his fear drain away to be replaced by something else, something even rarer for him to feel.

Anger.

"Whoever you are", his tone was completely neutral even if his face spoke murder as he located his target in a split-second, the helpless giggling emanating from under his bed, "come out slowly and I may make your death painless".

"Do, don't", the unseen lurker managed to choke out, his obvious mirth at the life-or-death situation almost straining Shikaku's temper enough to go in for the kill and pin-cushion the underside of the bed with shadows anyway, "l, listen, I'm no, nohohohot here to do anything; let me out and let's ta-tahahaha-ahem, let's talk face to face".

"Come out, slowly", Shikaku repeated, tone betraying nothing even as his fingers remained in the Rat seal; however as the first arm of the figure emerge, slightly grimy but still clad in an instantly-recognisable ensemble, it was all he could do not to let his arms follow his jaw and drop open helplessly,

"You!" Yoshino breathed like a dragon by his side; recognising the voice, Naruto immediately leapt back and slapped both hands over his ears,

"Hold it, crazy deer lady", the jinchuuriki demanded, waiting for a long second to make sure she wasn't going to move before slowly lowering his hands, "going for the ears is strikin' below the belt".

"You, you", Shikaku stuttered, not quite able to believe the sudden absurdity of this situation, "what in Kami-sama's holiest name are you doing in my bedroom?"; and no matter what the Hokage says, if you were here to see my wife undress I'll kill you;

"I think a better question would be 'how in Kami-sama's holiest name did you get into my bedroom'", Naruto pointed out mildly before his face became more serious and he stood to his full, if diminutive height, "and it's a question only I know the answer to Nara-san. I know you're smart so listen up, hear the offer I've got for you and let's see if we can't be reason'ble and do business here, rather than scream and shout at each other 'til the cows, or the deer in your case, come home".

XXX

"So we did just that", Naruto shrugged, breaking the spell of his story as he went on, "we talked, I did some explainin' and Shikaku-san made me a deal after we decided honour was even following me being chucked out. Good deal it was too; same one I'm here t'offer the rest of you".

The response to this was similar to what he'd expected; not all the clan head were convinced this wasn't some sort of convoluted joke Shikaku was trying to pull on them but one or two, the Yamanaka especially, seemed to be looking a little deeper into the situation. Even as he looked around however, a deep, bass voice rose up to speak for the assembled clan leaders, Akimichi Chouza looking out for his former team mate,

"Naruto-san, you say you infiltrated the clan holdings of the Nara, not once but twice", he rumbled, normally smiling face stern as he regarded the child as he would an untriggered exploding tag; a potential threat, but not dangerous at the moment, "the first I can understand, but why the second? If you had wanted an apology or damages, why not speak to the clan directly or, if you were afraid of that, go to Hokage-sama?" The jinchuuriki shrugged,

"I could've done that, but it was personal pride I guess; they'd called me a thief, the least I could do was actu'lly act like one. But 'part from that I did what I did because one, I did a lot of thinkin' over the two months I was stewing for a way to get back at Shikaku-san and his clan after they slandered my good name an' came up with a potential bonus for me out of getting my own back, and two", his sharp eyes darted to the side for a minute and a wicked smirk graced his whiskered cheeks before he finished, "it gave me the opportun'ty to answer a question that had stumped med-nins for generations".

Shikaku seemed to shiver for a minute before lacing his fingers in front of his face and, seeing the question writ large on the faces of his peers, muttered evilly,

"He poisoned Shikamaru".

"I did not poison Shikamaru", Naruto argued before the killing intent could rise too high, "that was a medical exper'ment to see if Nara laziness could be countered by 'ppropriate medical stimulation, an' as we now know it actu'lly can".

"You spiked his bedtime glass of deer's milk with a crushed solider pill you conned some ninja, who will be wishing he'd never been born the second I find out who he is and get my hands and shadow on him, into giving you", Shikaku half-snapped before groaning, reliving a particularly vivid nightmare as he recalled how infuriatingly energetic (and hard to catch) the ninja stimulant had made his son at the worst time of the day, "I was up half the night trying to scrape him off the ceiling".

"An' you were asleep half the morning after, so no loss there", Naruto countered skilfully before another voice broke into the conversation,

"Soldier pill?" Chouza repeated, trying hard not to look too amused as he pictured the skinny Nara scion under the effect of the medicine and failing spectacularly; before he could break down too badly, he faced the Uzumaki again and asked his final question, "Well, either way Naruto I must ask; the first I can almost understand, what with the storm and all, but how did you managed to get into this compound the second time?"

"Oh, you know", the jinchuuriki tried to look innocent but wasn;t quite able to meet the big man's gaze as he answered and simultaneously crossed his fingers, "bit of trickery, lots of background readin' and questioning, a pinch of chakra an' about three feet of pure brass neck – all-in-all, pretty much the same way I got into yours".

XXX

As he'd been expecting that admission simultaneously thickened and froze the atmosphere around the table; before anyone else could speak however, Yoshino was the one to seize the initiative and begin the explanation,

"We, or actually Shika really, determined the scale of the threat after Naruto-kun explained his infiltration method", seeing the jinchuuriki nod from the corner of her eye, the Nara woman went on, "and on paper it was so simple we were both kicking ourselves that we hadn't thought about it more. All, or at least the vast majority of the security of this house, and your own houses as well, are reliant on chakra to some degree; whether it's the seals that dot the walls, the traps that are triggered by alien chakras or even your own eyes Hyuuga-san", Hiashi nodded at this, conceding the point as she went on, "the ninja dwellings of Konoha are virtually impregnable by conventional ninja means. However, in this case", she cast a side-long look at the youngest person in the room, who was trying and failing to look belatedly innocent as he prepared himself for the clinching evidence in the picture, the final nail in the coffin of the doubters he could see all around him, "Naruto-kun was able to infiltrate us by the simple fact that, as he told us, when he goes somewhere quietly, he doesn't use any chakra to do so".

"An' because of that", Naruto continued, taking a big bite from his latest muffin before putting his hands on his knees and gazing down from his eerie on the Nara worktop, "I dodged all the traps an' the ninja; they didn't see me in here an' they also didn't see me when I made a few, ah, 'Mouse-calls' earlier..."

At this point Hiashi could hold it in no longer and he stood to his feet, arms folded and glaring at the speaker impassively as his deep voice intoned solemnly,

"I have heard quite enough from you Uzumaki; you say you have infiltrated the clan homes of each noble clan of Konoha gathered here; that is a fanciful story, nothing more. You are a child – a jounin ninja, perhaps even Uchiha Itachi could not perform such a feat". Naruto for his part merely shrugged,

"Yeah bu' I'm not Itachi, whoever he is; still", he fumbled around in his pocket for a minute before pulling something, or actually a group of somethings, out with a hiss of triumph, arranging them neatly by the side of himself as he faced down the Hyuuga head, blue eyes meeting pearl ones and not backing down as he spoke again, "I had a feelin' no-one would believe me, so I decided t'get a bit of proof before I turned up here for the night; knew I'd need somethin' a bit special to expand my cliennn, uh, k-lie-ent...", Naruto's face screwed up in concentration as he tried to form the elusive word, "clit..."

"Clientele", Shikaku supplied smoothly, noticing Tsume's raised eyebrow and deciding to step in before the jinchuuriki accidentally offended anyone; in that endeavour, however, he appeared to be too late as, if anything, Hiashi's face had become even more wintry as he folded his arms and declared loudly,

"Now you say you stole from us all", he orated, gesturing to his fellow clan heads even as Shikaku glanced behind him, recognised the devious expression that had flitted across that whiskered face and began mentally imploring the Hyuuga to stop digging the hole he was in before Naruto stepped in and comprehensively buried him, "it appears that Nara-san was right – either you are a thief, or you are a liar and a fool".

Silence fell over the kitchen, the denunciation ringing off the walls as the clan heads and Sarutobi all held their breath, Shikaku silently prayed that whatever Naruto had planned wouldn't castigate the Hyuuga's pride too much and Naruto for his part simply froze, not looking down, not looking away, still continuing to meet the flinty gaze of the veteran ninja as, slowly, he reconnected his tongue to his brain and repeated the accusation that had been left at his door,

"A thief, a liar or a fool", he stated quietly, glancing for a second to his right and plucking something, a sealing scroll, for the worktop, holding it negligently in one hand as he faced the Hyuuga head down again, "well I prefer t'call myself a future Hokage so I guess tha' puts me two categories, a thief and a liar; no offence jiji", Sarutobi, recognising the language and how it related to all ninja, merely nodded and allowed his potential successor to carry on unimpeded as he unfurled the scroll somewhat, "as for the fool part, well I act'ally think I'm more of a prankster..."

There was a puff of smoke, something unsealed from the scroll and the collective room drew in a sharp gasp as Naruto seized his prize and brandished it aloft, a cutting edge on his mile-wide grin as he flipped it around to taunt its owner,

"...Dis look famil'ar?"

To his credit Hiashi barely reacted, one of the reasons he seldom left a card table poorer than he'd joined it; despite the cover of the gaudy publication, to say nothing of the fact that sudden pangs of nervousness were racing around his body as the thought of what would happen to his clans' reputation if the merest idea that its leader read such gutter-level smut as Icha Icha Paradise was to become common knowledge, his reaction was restricted to little more than a disdainful sniff and slight shrug of the shoulders,

"That proves nothing Uzumaki-san; you could have picked that out of any low-brow book-keeper in..."

"'Dear Hiashi-kun'", the boy's words stopped him cold, the sight of Naruto reading from the inside front cover with a tone of pure mischief in his voice sounding as dolorous as a funeral gong to his last few hopes of riding out this storm with pride intact; no matter that the only reason he ever received such a copy of the perverted literature was that the Hyuuga clan as a whole had a major stake in the printers that published it, or that he had repeatedly informed the Gama Sannin, with varying degrees of politeness, that his 'tokens of appreciation' were really not necessary – the consequences of this night, Hiashi knew, were going to be held over his head for a very, very long time as Naruto finished reading the personalised message Jiraiya always made sure adorned that particular spot of his personal copy, "'as ever my thanks for your help in making this great work happen. Still wish I had your eyes but alas, the ultimate peeping doe-jutsu will be forever out of my reach – all I can do is try to illum'nate to less fortunate men the wonders only the Hyuuga are per-mitted to see. As ever your faithful servant, the holy toad master who is known to all women, Jiraiya'. Hmmm", snapping the book closed and passing it over to a goggle-eyed Yoshino, the Nara woman looking absolutely torn between rage and hilarity at the revelation before her, the triumphant child merely smirked smugly at his now-decimated former opponent, "I think dat's pretty conclusive, don't you?"

Silence, punctuated only by barely-repressed sniggers or gasps of alarm, fell; Hiashi flopped back into his seat with his face as bloodless as his eyes appeared to be, numb with disbelief and unable to stop himself cringing as he watched the book, the hated paperback that had just dragged his name through the mud like an anchor, was passed around the table, each of the assembled clan heads scarcely able to believe their eyes as they opened it and read the exact words Naruto had recanted. Well, all but one; even as he saw her all but straining across the table to snatch the publication from Chouza, Hiashi could only braced himself for the absolute worst as Tsume virtually ripped the book open, took the meanest glance at the inked words and promptly shattered the silence with her raucous laughter,

"At, at last", she managed to choke out as she flopped half-over the table, stomach starting to ache as she howled with mirth, "proof that Hyuuga Hiashi is a man; no-one with ice-water in their veins could keep something like this so close at hand". Fortunately for the Hyuuga lord, who was by this point actively wondering if it was feasible to use a broken sake dish to commit seppuku and, if so, how he could get away with it while everyone else was all but breaking down in helpless hysterics, Tsume's laughter a sore test for everyone's self-restraint, it appeared that his former nemesis had a change of heart and had donned the attire of a saviour as he raised his voice above the hubbub and shouted them all down, levelling his eyes at the one sniggering loudest of all,

"True, true", he was tempted to point out the other person in the room who he knew for a fact wasn't as pure as the driven snow when it came to such less than salubrious reading habits but resisted, realising that he was probably going to annoy several very important people here tonight and as such, would need all the help he could get staying in one piece should it all go the shape of the pear; and a ticked-off jiji probably wouldn't be all that much help in pulling them off my battered body – if anything he might just stick the boot in himself a few times; "but 'member what I said In'zuka-san, I paid a Mouse-call to all your homes, so", the laughter seemed to die away and be replaced by prickling unease as he reached for another of the small scrolls to his side, "I wouldn't be laughin' too much at Hyuuga-san. After all, Confucius say"; oh Kami-sama; despite himself Sarutobi shuddered, recalling a few previous incidences where Naruto had mentioned that particular name – they had never seemed to end well for his intended target; anyone but him; "woman who live in glass house should get changed in wine cellar – least of all", as a second plume of smoke issued from the countertop Naruto was sat on, Sarutobi had a heartbeat to feel his heart stop beating as he leapt to a guess about where this was going and braced himself to shield his surrogate godson from the result of his folly; an enraged Inuzuka, least of all Tsume, was never good to anyone's health, "when she's gettin' changed into something like this!"

At first it didn't seemed too bad; the small section of brown material didn't appear to be too much, perhaps only a pillowcase – then Naruto twisted his hands, the ensemble fell forwards in front of him and all present found themselves getting an eyeful of one part of their female friends' wardrobe that she'd have much rather preferred to stay in the closet.

XXX

Tsume froze, so utterly and hopelessly gobsmacked that a newborn pup could have taken her out and been named alpha as a result; before her shocked and appalled eyes the Uzumaki was flaunting one of the last reminders she had of her husband, the grin plastered over Shippo-kun's face as clear now as it had been when she'd first unwrapped the present he'd brought her after her first S-ranked mission had been deemed a success. Though she wore it now in his memory, it was much to her chagrin that she recalled eventually been sweet-talked into wearing the garment, a thigh-skimming, bust-revealing and impractically-ruffled one-piece evening nightgown the same shade of brown as her eyes, while he'd been alive, though it had cost Shippo the grin off his face, a black eye and the ability to walk in a straight line for a week after she was through with him for the joke gift; but this time, the joke's on me;

"Very fetching", Naruto commented dryly, poking his head forwards and folding the shoulder straps of the nightgown over it, letting the whole thing hang off his ears, "still warm too".

That last comment was enough to galvanise her back to life; face as molten red as her embarrassment, Tsume sprang from one side of the table to the other without hitting the floor once, clawed hand whipping out and snagging the pilfered clothing, virtually wrenching Naruto's ears from his head as she yanked it back,

"Give me that", she hissed venomously, not caring at his wince as he rubbed his ears, sorely longing to get a good grip of his neck-scruff and shake him until he pleaded for mercy; this desire only increased when, rather than cowering, he met her blazing eyes the same way he'd faced down Hiashi's frigid ones,

"Help yourself", he shrugged before smirking, "I don' think the frilly bits suit me".

Tsume snarled at the comment; it was either that or lose herself to an almighty cringe as she hastily tried to stuff the gown up her sleeve and out of sight, knowing even as she did so it was far too late. A quick glance around the table all but confirmed it; Inoichi had both hands clamped firmly over his mouth and his face scrunched up to try and keep his reaction inside, all she could see of Chouza was a patch of red hair as he'd ducked under the table to try and hold it in – heck even Shibi's collar was rippling slightly, outright hysteria as far as an Aburame was concerned. Belatedly turning maroon in mortification as she realised that, much like Hiashi's pride, her former hard-assed image was now little more than a broken effigy lying littered in the dirt, least of all as she realised the ruffles at the bottom of the gown were still poking out her sleeve and try as she might she couldn't stuff them back out of sight, Tsume turned back around to rend the one responsible limb from limb before she realised he was offering something out to her, a small, white something,

"Here, put it away in this", he suggested, holding out his storage scroll; swiping it from his hands and determined not to say thank-you, Tsume nevertheless complied and barely held back a huff of relief as the incriminating evidence vanished into the parchment and out of mind; so, one less thing to worry about. Now to make sure no-one else ever hears of this and it never happens again, starting by silencing the little brat who infiltrated...hey, wait a minute...; as a creeping suspicion began to crawl up Tsume's spine like a spider carved from ice, she thrust her face forwards and glared death at the Uzumaki, breath all but smoking from her lips as she spoke her next question as a demand to be answered,

"Okay brat, one question and unless you want to die horribly, answer it right – there's only one place in the Inuzuka clan house this is kept, how did you know where it was?"

His eyes were the giveaway; despite being, both she and Hiashi would be forced to grudgingly admit, a fair infiltrator, he wasn't experienced enough yet to keep his face neutral and as a result inadvertently sold his partner down the river, leaving Tsume open to spear him with the finger of outrage,

"You...!"

"I", Shikaku seemed unperturbed, parrying the bludgeon of her temper with the rapier of his cool logic, "merely gave him a few schematics and some points about where to go when he got in; he did the rest himself".

"Includin' deciding what to nab", Naruto chipped it, "I saw plenty of stuff there but it had t'be somethin' that was definitely yours. I was thinkin' about a few bottles of your lipstick before I flipped over your pillows an' found dat". The Inuzuka's hands bunched into fists, more than ready to clean this cheeky brat's clock just out of principle; no-one could expect to break into a lady's bedroom and expect to escape unscathed after all; before he snatched up one of the three remaining parchments and winked over the table, next victim in mind and, inadvertently, mollifying Tsume a little in the process; after all, if everyone's getting the same treatment not even Hokage-sama could stop us all if we went in swinging;

"Don' be too hasty In'zuka-san, you're all in dis together don't forget – Akimichi-san", he called in a sing-song voice, forcing Chouza to straighten up and glare as best he could as he tried to keep a lid on his laughter and adopt a warlike expression,

"I'll warn you now Uzumaki", the large man threatened, shaking a ham-sized fist, "if anything to do with my or, Kami-sama forbid, my dear wife's nightwear pops out of that scroll I will personally punt you over Konoha's walls".

"They wouldn't fit in the scroll", Naruto shrugged back, apparently unaware that he was skating on very thin ice at the backhanded insult to the Akimichi waistline – before Chouza's expression could blacken too much, however, a third plume of smoke cleared as he found himself facing down something he knew very well indeed, "lucky this did though".

"Aye, and lucky you didn't damage it either", the Akimichi warned, checking the side of the apron he could see for any damage as the gold-thread letters still shone brightly, their simple message of 'Shefu no Kisu' still as bright then as they had been the day his father had presented it to him, "that apron of mine has lived through a ninja war and is much older than you are".

"Very true", Shikaku agreed, looking over his shoulder to see what rabbit his most recent pseudo-employee had pulled from his hat this time, "but I thought you'd gotten rid of it Chouza?" The Akimichi chuckled, shaking his head as he raised a single, massive palm,

"No, in fact I use it every day", he told them all, looking on as Naruto re-sealed his ill-gotten gains and passed the scroll to Shikaku, allowing it to pass through the merry-go-round of the gaming table, "I wake up next to Chime-hime, give her a kiss, don my apron and start cooking breakfast. When she wakes up she returns the favour and we eat together; it's been that way since we were married and I've never had a reason to change it. Though I may have had, had you not come here tonight Uzumaki", once more Chouza's face was shadowed, Naruto for the first time looking slightly intimidated by the sight of the monster of a man staring him down; unlike his previous two victims, Akimichi Chouza simply looked threatening just by virtue of his size and obvious power, "had you not returned it and I learned of the theft later, your head would have had pride of place on a platter at my clans' next great feast". Self-consciously rubbing his neck at the threat, Naruto decided it would probably be for the best to move on and shifted on his seat to appraise the man he decided was, in the nicest possible way, the weirdest person in the room,

"Ano, Aburame-san", Shibi inclined his head a fraction and, after a second of silence, Naruto realised this was the best he was going to get and ploughed on, "well yours was th'worst one to get into, almost got caught a few times gettin' in an' even more gettin' out. Still, I got dis", the characteristic pop and white smoke appeared, fading to show a small, compact something sitting in the jinchuuriki's grip, the sight of which made Tsume snort with ill-tempered humour,

"Oh, right, so the Aburame gets his glasses case nicked while I get virtually panty-raided by Konoha's newest pervert – all we need now is sightings of this little lecher at the hot springs and that's it, I'm packing up my clan and we're leaving for Iwa".

"You jest Tsume-san", Shibi, as always a voice of reason, accepted the return of his stolen goods with a small but respectful bow, "and if it is any consolation this case is as valuable to me as your...negligee is to you; it was my fathers". Cringing once more at the reminder of the indignity that had been heaped on her scant minutes earlier, Tsume just about choked off a growl as Inoichi, realising he was the only one left to take the plunge, made a last-ditch plea to get his head off the potential chopping block,

"Ah, Uzumaki-san", just about to draw his thumb across the scroll and release his chakra in a theatrical flourish, the jinchuuriki looked up as the Yamanaka clan head made his bargain, "I think you've made your point – I'm more than willing to take it on faith that whatever's in their belongs to me and you liberated it from my clan house..."

"And you'd be right Yamanaka-san, but sorry", he gave a helpless shrug as he indicated the others around the room, "I think these guys would lynch me if I welched you out the deal, though if it's any cons'lation, I dunno what this is..."

Inoichi would quite freely admit after the event that this ignorance was an unfortunate thing as, had Naruto known what he was dealing with, even he might have been reluctant to pull his last ace from his sleeve; as it was, however, and the smoke cleared for the fifth and final time, the small leather roll that dangled between Naruto's knees, to say nothing of the varied and quite shockingly painful-looking blades it held within it, was enough to draw every eye to the suddenly-squirming Yamanaka,

"Much as I know how much of an annoyance a daughter can be at times Inoichi-san", Hiashi began in a tone as close to snidely humorous as he ever got, "don't you think those are a little excessive?"

"Poor Kunisa-chan", Chouza muttered with a low whistle as he turned to regard his younger friend, who was currently doing his best to imitate a Kusa Lotus flower in full bloom, "I never thought you'd be into that sort of thing Inoichi, but I guess it's always the one you least suspect..."

"I was looking after them for Ibiki-san", the former interrogator snapped, standing up forcefully and marching around to snatch the roll of prototype interrogation devices back from the stunned Naruto, who'd rather been left behind by the twist of the conversation, "he didn't want Anko-san to start playing with them before they'd been officially sanctioned by Hokage-sama – it'd raise a lot of awkward questions if a prisoner died suddenly due to the interrogator not being skilled with the implements given to her".

"Oh", belatedly recognising a name he knew, Naruto was all smiles as he looked up at the Yamanaka clan head, nothing but honesty shining from his suddenly guileless eyes, "you know Anko-sensei, Yamanaka-san?"

What did I say?; wondering why it had all gone so suddenly quiet in the kitchen (save the Hokage, who was trying hard to fight back a smirk and fit of the giggles), Naruto was just about to ask if he'd done something wrong before Inoichi, looking slightly pale but with a weak sort of smile on his face, glanced back at him and spoke with a tremulous voice,

"Anko-sensei?" At the jinchuuriki's cautious nod, the former leader of the interrogation and torture department of Konoha shook his head and gave a half-weary, half-worried laugh, "you know, somehow that explains so very, very much..."

XXX

Though a billowing kind of silence had shuffled forwards over the Nara kitchen-stroke-gaming area in the aftermath of these revelations; all the assembled clan heads were hastily hiding their former treasures and trying hard not to catch each others' eyes as they sought to secrete their secrets. However only a few minutes later order appeared to be restored; the seven assembled shinobi assembled around a table that now resembled a council of war rather than a stress-free gaming area and, as the person who'd been least burned by the machinations of the Mouse, Shibi was elected as spokesperson,

"Uzumaki-san, you have proven both our doubts and Hiashi-san's accusations wholly wrong", Hiashi looked like he wanted to interject at this point but, perhaps reminded of the weight of the Icha Icha Paradise now weighing down his kunai pouch, he thought better of it and let the Aburame continue unhindered, "you have infiltrated the clan houses of six of the seven noble clans of Konoha. Because of this two questions now remain", dark glasses flashing in the electric lighting as he looked across the table to where Naruto sat seriously now, his plate of food set to the side for a moment as he made to move from pleasure (to him – though he wasn't as sadistic as his former teacher, there was no denying it was fun to see other people, especially adults, cringing before him) to business as the Aburame finished,

"How and why?"

To a barely-noticeable sigh of relief from around the table the jinchuuriki appeared to be willing to speak freely as he clasped both hands of his knee and started to rock back and forwards slightly, pouting slightly as he tried hard to think,

"Well, I can answer the first question first; the way I got in was a two-step thing". There was a brief pause before, unable to bear the tension, Chouza was first to snap,

"Yes?"

"Yes what?" Naruto blinked in confusion for a minute before the ryo dropped, "Oh, you wanna actually know the two steps? Hmm – nope", as the mass sweat-drop he merely shrugged and grinned cheerfully, "a ninja's gotta keep his secrets".

"Right, that's it", temper already ground away to the thinness of a rice biscuit, Tsume shot to her feet and made to stalk around the table, glaring a dreadful promise as she advanced, "secrets be damned; unless you want me to tan your hide until your ancestors can't sit down for a month, I suggest spilling it!"

"Sorry Tsume-chan", the honorific, to say nothing of the fact that he was all but laughing in the face of her threat, reminded the Inuzuka once more that she wasn't dealing with an ordinary boy as he landed yet another thumping blow on her pride, "might be me being greedy bu' in relationships I'm always the seme. Anyway, 'part from that", he hastily changed tack as Tsume stumbled to a halt, not quite able to believe he'd trumped her threat so easily and glaring around at whoever had snorted so loudly with laughter, though virtually everyone at the table looked like they could have been guilty as a result of Naruto's last line, "best check with jiji if it's okay – you know part of it jiji", Sarutobi merely narrowed his eyes at this, recalling both what Naruto had said earlier and Yoshino had unwittingly given away in her part of the explanation, "d'you think I should give the game away?"

"I see no harm in it Naruto-kun", the aged Hokage replied after a short time spent thinking on the matter, "if anything it may prove to be a boon to them in the long run – you may well end up serving with one or more of their children when the time comes for you to graduate the Shinobi Academy".

Though his voice was perfectly neutral and nothing showed on his wrinkled face, Sarutobi wouldn't have been able to call himself human if he hadn't felt a hint of internal glee at the expression that crossed the faces of most of the clan heads present; heck even Hiashi had given a shudder as the thought of his little princess being corrupted by someone like the jinchuuriki during their schooldays and beyond. Naruto however seemed oblivious to this and instead nodded, treating the words from his surrogate grandfather's mouth like a decree from Kami-sama himself as he faced the table at large again,

"Hai jiji, well in dat case, all you need to know is that my henge, when I use it, is very..."

"Your henge", Tsume cut across him, the Inuzuka still challenging everything unfamiliar to her as was the nature of her clan, "you know that technique?"

"Hai, but..." He tried to ward off the second question he could see coming with a raised hand but it was all in vain as she snorted, shaking her head,

"And let me guess, you just walked into my clan house with a false face on and walked out the same way – do me a favour kid, the nin-ken would have ripped you apart before you'd gone five steps if you'd been bone-headed enough to try it. Now spill the real reason".

"That is the real reason", Naruto wasn't by nature all that argumentative but he definitely didn't like being accused of lying or, worse still, breaking his word, something that Tsume was perilously close to doing right now, "bu' my henge isn't the same as yours. Hyuuga-san", stirred from his introspection, Hiashi looked over just as Naruto began making hand-seals, "keep your eyes on me an' tell the others what you see". With that, he glanced at his target one last time; think I don't know henge Inuzuka-san?; clapped his hands together and called out his technique,

"Henge!" Try this on for size!

As the chakra smoke cleared from where the boy had been sat everyone strained to see through it until, as it drifted away, all eyes lowered to the floor in embarrassment save the two that widened in both horror and rage as a second form of Inuzuka Tsume was revealed, grinning widely as she reclined in a copy of her formerly-flaunted negligee; with a teasing lilt in her tone she leant forwards, the motion doing interesting things to both the ruffles across the garment's bustle and the cleavage it was struggling to contain,

"Like what you see Hiashi-kuuunnn?"

XXX

Huh, why are they all looking down like that?; through eyes that weren't his own Naruto saw the reactions to his prank and tried to work out why it hadn't gone as he'd thought it would; I thought they'd laugh seeing her dressed like this – do all men react like this when they see a woman wearing something skimpy – is that why Anko-sensei dresses like she does? That could be useful to know...' Filing the question away for future reference, Naruto was jerked away from his introspection by the sudden noise of a chair clattering to the floor coupled with sharp nails on the tiles as both Tsume and her partner broke the lock of paralysis that had fallen over them and surged to their feet,

"I'll kill him I swear I will", all but frothing at the mouth and throwing around killing intent like there was no tomorrow, the embarrassed alpha of the Inuzuka clan was only prevented from throwing herself bodily over the table at the form of her doppelganger by Shikaku's quick reactions; Kuromaru, on the other hand, rushed under the table and was able to get within sniffing distance of the closest leg of his fake-mistress before the Kage Mane caught and held him steady as well,

"Desist", the Hokage's sudden thundering voice brought all, even the rage of the animalistic shinobi, to a halt, Sarutobi half-standing as he glared between both Tsume and her body-double before, with his eyes still lowered, he addressed the disguised jinchuuriki, "Naruto, get out of that henge now! It's unseemly and a grave insult against Tsume-san!"

"And so was her incinerating that I couldn't do henge", the false-Tsume retorted, folding her arms under its chest with a motion that made most of the men present avert their eyes once more as they all subconsciously realised the mistake in the Uzumaki's speech, "an' I'll swap back soon as Hyuuga-san's seen what I need him to see".

"My apologies Uzumaki-san, but there is little in that henge I would like to see, and I think you meant 'insinuating'", Hiashi pointed out mildly, twisting the knife of embarrassment that had lodged in Tsume's flesh and grateful for the disgruntled growl that met his announcement. Naruto, on the other hand, seemed ignorant of the Inuzuka's discomfort and instead leant forwards again, a sly smirk now adorning the face of his most recent mask, making the fake Tsume look almost sultry as she spoke her last request,

"Look harder then".

It took a second for the Hyuuga to realise exactly what he was driving at and with less than a gesture he activated his bloodline legacy; as soon as he'd done so his head shot up, heedless of the potential risk of unseemly behaviour as his vein-rimmed eyes quite literally stared through the henged child,

"Impossible!" The Hyuuga lord declared before speaking aloud to the others, "Everyone, sense for him – that henge has no chakra network!"

"What?" Inoichi was the first to respond, flaring his chakra and as shocked as Hiashi when he realised his friend was correct; I can't sense it at all; "I can't feel a thing".

"Oh don't", the false Tsume shrank backwards coyly, bringing a hand delicately to her mouth in a gesture everyone knew the real Inuzuka scion would have rather bitten her own fingers off than performed, "so many hunky men looking at little old me – you're making me blush. Hey", she suddenly slapped at something tiny and black that flew easily out of reach of her hand, "ruddy flies – oh, sorry". If he was offended by the attempted murder of his kikaichu Shibi gave no sign, instead extending a finger and allowing the returning bug to settle on his digit and falling silent for a minute before speaking again,

"It is confirmed, the henge has chakra levels present well below those of even a civilian. I would propose that this would make the henge almost impossible for any but the most well-trained of sensor-ninja to detect, assuming they had prior exposure to Uzumaki-san's chakra. This alone, I believe, would prove Yoshino-san's words earlier; as Uzumaki-san's infiltration method does not require chakra, it would circumvent most conventional detection and defence methods utilised by Konoha, including the kikaichu", the darkened glasses turned towards the disguised jinchuuriki, "I assume this, unusual henge is the method by which you gained entry to our clan houses?"

"Partly; it was half of the method", the disguised Inuzuka clan head sank 'her' chin onto 'her' fist and looked forwards, leaning forwards onto her thighs and ensuring nothing was going to be seen by an unfortunate peek from the tabletop audience, "the other half, the real killer if y'like, was one particular henge".

The jinchuuriki clapped his transformed hands and vanished with a slight bang; a second bang occurred as the child transformed again though, as the smoke cleared, the counter he had been sat upon appeared bare. Byakugan still active and alert to any potential trick it was Hiashi who saw the new form first, though before he could utter a syllable of warning Naruto had abandoned his hiding place and scuttled into plain sight.

From behind one of the butter muffins still on his former plate, a small blonde-furred mouse skittered across the polished wood of the Nara kitchen top, boosted itself up onto its hind legs and, as much as it was able to, gave a clumsy, shallow bow to its audience.

XXX

"So then, Naruto", having been briefed about his young charges' unscheduled one-day sojourn into the realms of structured education following visiting the Hasuwadas and enquiring about how Naruto's business was doing, Sarutobi was the first to overcome his shock and eye up the tiny creature before him, "you have...adopted that henge of yours into this form then? Quite ironic given your nickname, I must admit, but how did you manage this while making sure you wouldn't have another accident like last time?" The mouse for its part didn't, and in fact couldn't answer; instead it crept to the top of the counter and peered over it to the floor, whiskers twitching as the human mind driving it sized up the new environment and, after second summing things up, darted over the edge, scuttling quickly down the wooden front of the cupboard and onto the floor. Yoshino stepped back a little too hastily to be entirely casual as Naruto's henged form disappeared in smoke for a second, the jinchuuriki himself waving away the chakra vapours with a slightly regretful expression on his face,

"Sorry jiji what was that? I'm getting better but I can't hear other people very well in that form, the mouse ears are really sensitive; s'like tryin' to listen to a thunderclap". As Sarutobi raised an eyebrow at this and repeated his question, the other ninja assembled around the table, having seen the second half of Naruto's infiltration technique, realised just how potentially powerful the idea of a completely innocuous mouse morphing into a shinobi, least of all a jinchuuriki of all things, and simultaneous shivers of both fear and intrigue rippled around the table. Having heard the old man's question, Naruto scratched the back of his neck and shrugged a little,

"Wasn't that hard really; I 'memebered what Anko-sensei said 'bout visualising the form you wanted to henge into, insides and all, and 'cause of that most of the pet-shop owners in Konoha now think dere's an epidemic of children keepin' snakes and buying mice to feed them. I brought a load, die-sected them all and figured it out from there, though I did have my fingers crossed first time I tried it".

"I can imagine", the Sandaime drawled dryly before noticing the attention of his subordinates converging on the jinchuuriki again and decided to take the initiative, "as you've all seen Naruto-kun's henge is somewhat unique, an apparent combination of henge and the kanpekina variant. He can transform into any human form and, apparently, a mouse body as well at the cost of his ability to access and mould chakra; a formidable espionage technique as you are now doubtless aware", several of the assembled ninja cringed once more while the others, especially Chouza, merely smirked wryly, "as to why this is, I have no idea".

Naruto was the only one in the room who missed the slight inflection of the Hokage's voice simply due to his lack of experience and world-weariness; the rest of the clan heads accepted the unspoken explanation without further comment, Chouza speaking for them as he reappraised the jinchuuriki with something akin to respect in his eyes,

"So the, the Mouse truly is a mouse now, and a potentially lethal one at that", the Akimichi summarised before recalling what his former team mate had said at the very start of this whole debacle, "so, aside from teaching all present a lesson in humility, what was the bargain Shikaku mentioned earlier?"

"The same one he has with us now", Yoshino answered for the jinchuuriki, Naruto taking advantage of the Nara woman's forthrightness to take a bite out of one of the three remaining butter muffins, "Naruto-chan used a charka pill and his voice to give my husband a heart attack", she allowed them a second, just one, to start to smile at the memory before saying words she knew, she was sure in fact, would shock them as deeply as it had her,

"But if he'd used a poison and a knife, he'd have ripped my husband's heart in two and gutted our clan in the process".

"Yep", Naruto nodded at this as he polished off the last remnants of his meal and sat looking at the other assembled clan leaders, "I didn't actu'lly think of that until Yoshino-san pointed it out, bu' she's right. I got into the Nara clan an' could've done damage by killin' the clan heir, so dat got all of us thinking; could I do the same to everyone else and, at the same time, what could they, or you, collectively", he pointed out the half-dozen assembled ninja before him, "do to stop it happening? Like you said, your clan homes are almost impervious to normal ninja gettin' in, but 'cause of my henge I'm not a normal ninja, or would-be ninja. So here's the deal". Despite themselves the crowd leant in slightly, still not quite sure what to make of the jinchuuriki even after all his revelations so far and curious as to what he had to say next,

"I henge into a civilian; gets rid of my chakra so nothing you've got can sense for it; an' try breakin' in to your clan houses – I won't use mouse-form 'til you want me to, feels too much like cheatin' because it's so small. Still, I keep trying to get in until you've all got enough measures in place t'see and stop me; while your home's getting Mouse-proofed you'll be teachin' me stuff for my troubles".

Now normally the idea of a mere civilian trying to gain entry to one of the noble clan houses of Konoha was so unlikely it was laughable; who in their right mind would be insane enough to even try to steal from an entire clan compromising a majority of highly armed and trained killers without so much as a single D-ranked technique to call their own? However, having had the answer and the consequences of said answer given, and in some cases literally paraded, in front of them, it was an offer every one of the veterans found themselves considered with a great deal of thought; in fact so deep was their contemplations that it was the oldest ninja present who spotted a potential loophole in the bargain and made to close it before anyone stuck their head through and got themselves accidentally strangled,

"Teaching Naruto-kun?" At the sound of his grandfather's voice the jinchuuriki looked up, seeing Sarutobi raise an eyebrow as he went on, "Much as I am an admirer of the idea of night classes, I think it best I have at least an idea of what you'd be learning?"

"Oh don't worry jiji; know you don' want me learnin' ninja things 'til I'm in th' 'Cademy", Naruto put the old man's mind at ease with a smile as he pointed to the two Nara present, "Shikaku-san's showing me how t'play shougi an' Yoshino-san's teachin' me how t'knit. Little things like that, that's all I'm after". Mollified by this and inwardly grateful that the child wasn't actively biting off more than he could reasonably chew, Sarutobi gave a nod of acquiescence before a slight laugh broke the silence, Chouza looking across at the seated demon-vessel,

"Knitting? You don't look like the type kid".

"Neither does the little old lady in the house across the way", Naruto answered, one of the missions Anko-sensei had regaled him with coming back to the forefront of his mind and helping to emphasise the point he made about learning non-ninja skills, "just a harmless old woman who kept cats and knitted scarves and socks for some of the village children. Just rocking her chair on her porch all day, watching the world and the village ninja come and go – who'd ever suspect she was able to throw a kunai so quickly, or hit an A-rank ninja in the neck at fifty paces in the dead of night? Certainly not the village guard an' police force, so no-one ever guessed who carried out the assassination, or why Konoha's Leaf ninja were able to unmask a potential sleeper agent in their ranks before he was activated and started making life difficult".

Unsurprisingly there was a bit of a pause at this story until Inoichi, who'd sat in on the debrief for that particular mission and actually written up Anko's commendation for such a flawless execution and discovering information above and beyond the mission parameters, gave credit where it was due at the same time as seek answers for one particular niggle that had been in the back of his mind for a while now,

"Well Naruto-san, when you put it like that, I have to say knitting doesn't sound too bad..."

"Course not; Yoshino-san's teaching me, it can't be bad", he butted in, making the Nara woman shoot him a sidelong look even as a slight smile twitched her lips,

"Flattery will get you nowhere Naruto – you get points for trying though. It'll help your finger dexterity too, one of the reasons I learnt from my mother". Seeing Naruto nod and wanting to get back on track to have his question answered, Inoichi casually used a quick psychological trick to ease things along; find common ground with the subject, then go from there;

"Better than flower-arranging at any rate; don't ask", as he'd expected, that comment had piqued Naruto's interest but Inoichi warded his curious gaze away with a raised hand; not like the others won't fill him in when they get a chance anyway; "apart from that though, I'm impressed with how you've pulled this trick on all of us", he had nothing to lose by admitting that sliver of admiration and besides, it was true, "but there's one piece of this little puzzle I can't get to fit".

Just as the first hint of doubt was beginning to slide of the Uzumaki's face Inoichi went on, half an eye on the jinchuuriki's face and casually dissecting his reactions to paint a clearer picture of what was going on and cut through any lies Naruto might have employed to cover his tracks,

"I know that you had to have carried out most, if not all, of these thefts today; I would have noticed had those interrogation implements been missing more than a single day and I imagine Tsume-chan would have been in the same boat", only a lifetime's experience of mastering his own psyche kept the smirk off his face as the Inuzuka growled from the corner she was stewing in, "but, if you hit all of us in the same day, and Hokage-sama, you said he was helping out in the office earlier?"

"Well I didn't say it exactly but he did help out; that was one of the reasons I was able to come here tonight in fact, something I'm sure you two planned between you", he favoured both Shikaku and Naruto with a stern but not unkind eye, making them both squirm like delinquent schoolchildren under the eye of a schoolmaster, before the Hokage turned his eye back to the Yamanaka, "what of it Inoichi-kun?" Hearing this made a glimmer of both triumph and trepidation to glint in the shinobi's sky-blue eyes; after all, with what he'd already done tonight, what else could he have up his sleeve?;

"What I mean is that Naruto-san must have had help in his work; there's just no way he could get all over Konoha in that amount of time straight after breaking you out of that tomb of parchment you call an office Hokage-sama? Unless sticky-fingers over there has mastered a way of being in two places at once of course".

Inoichi really had meant that last line as a throwaway comment and had even chuckled weakly at his own joke; then he caught sight of the sudden guilty look on the jinchuuriki's face as the laughter abruptly dried up. And not only from him either,

"Naruto", suddenly looking very stern, the Hokage half-stood and fixed his surrogate grandson with a piercing gaze, "Inoichi-kun has raised a very good point and I know that look of yours far too well. How did you do it?"

It was a loaded question and not one he was going to dodge either; the problem was that, unlike with Anko who'd probably have laughed, rubbed his head and tried to find another inventive way of pushing him to the threshold of death and terror, Naruto had no way of knowing how jiji would react to the actual answer. He stalled for as long as he could reasonably push for before, seeing the patience of some of the clan heads start to wane, Naruto instead decided he had no chance but to come clean, cross his fingers, hope for the best and, if all else failed, blurt out about Sarutobi being as bad as the Hyuuga with regards to his reading materials and then dive out the nearest window,

"Okay, you got me; Mouse out the bag", he held up both hands, doing his best to look confident even if he was shaking in his sandals, "I didn't have help, well, not exactly; I've always got all the help I need now with this. Sorry jiji but it wasn't me in the office helping you out, it was only half of me".

At that moment before the most powerful ninja of the village of Konoha, the boy who would strive to become its next Hokage raised both hands in a familiar seal and intoned a quartet of words that would one day become his trademark, a blessing to even his most embattled friends and a curse most dire against every enemy that stood in his way,

"Kage bunshin no jutsu!"

XXX

"You have got to be shitting me!"

Unusually Yoshino didn't take this opportunity to swipe a handful of ryo from her friends' pocket as she was too busy, as was everyone else, gawking at the spectacle of a perfect replica of the jinchuuriki appearing on the floor next to the counter, looking around nervously before giving a grin and exploding into smoke,

"Hey", Naruto had suspected the clone would inherit a good portion of his nervousness but hadn't expected the doppelganger to make a run for it so quickly off the bat, "you coward!" Even as he speared the dissipating smoke cloud with an affronted finger, however, he felt an aura of oppressive doom sweep over him like a tsunami and wondered if it was in any way possible for him to vanish the same way. The Hokage was so incensed he appeared calm, though as he stood up slowly Naruto wouldn't have been surprised to see storm clouds billowing out from under his robe as a low, grating voice addressed two of the most likely culprits of this latest crime,

"Nara..."

"Nothing to do with me, us", Shikaku hastily corrected himself, holding up both hands as he felt the killing intent levelled on him like a crossbow bolt, "I'm as shocked as you are". Sarutobi held his eye for a long, long time and it was with a deep breath of relief that Shikaku realised he was off the hook as the Hokage blinked first, seeing no lie in his eyes,

"In that case who", he demanded of the room in general before homing in on the only person who could answer that question, "Naruto-kun, which abysmally foolish"; and soon to be deceased; "ninja was suicidal enough to teach you a kinjutsu that powerful? And how in the name of the Kami did you manage to make it work?"

"Uhh, loadsa practice", the jinchuuriki managed to stutter before mastering his sudden fear of his grandfather and speaking again, "an' don't take this the wrong way jiji, but in a way you taught me it".

The ire in the room was immediately sucked away to be replaced by shock; Sarutobi shook his head as though he'd been physically hit before he managed to reconnect brain to tongue and speak,

"Me? But I've never..."; but I have, or at least I might as well have; the same brain, the organ that had made him the Professor and such a legend on the battlefield, supplied the answer, the only opportunity that Naruto could have used to gain access to such a technique; one night he had to get the scroll, and Asuma and I wouldn't have thought to frisk him for notes he'd taken; "...since then, since Konohamaru was born!" Afraid his jiji was going to get angry again, Naruto nodded and crossed his fingers, hoping for the best,

"Hai, I couldn't do the bunshin no matter what I did, and it was the only technique I looked out because it was a bunshin technique. I was careful, took me six weeks to get it right, and I can only make about half-a-dozen a day even now".

"Half-a-dozen", for once Chouza was grateful he didn't have anything to chew on as he was certain he'd have choked to death by now, "kid there are some chunin who can't do that jutsu to that level!"

"Really?" The revelation seemed to come as a surprise before the jinchuuriki smiled widely and clapped his hands in celebration, "Heh, I'm awesome!" He was interrupted by a sudden groan as someone around the table made everyone look over,

"And a complete pain in the tail-bone, knowing my luck", massaging her eyes, Tsume glowered across the table at her new nemesis, "can those clones of yours use your henge as well?"

The sight of the jinchuuriki nodding at this question made eight people shiver simultaneously, the mood summed up by the dog-nin herself as she rested her forehead on the table in front of her,

"Great, as if one Mouse wasn't bad enough now we've got a plague of them; and he's six..."

"Seven", Naruto muttered under his breath, having celebrated his birthday a fortnight ago; the number was caught only by Yoshino and Shikaku as their feral friend went on,

"...so it's only going to get worse from here. Mum was right – no such thing as a single mouse, they all come married with families! Okay kid, anything else we should know about – a summoning contract? Bloodline limit – right now I'm about willing to believe anything you tell me". Seeing the weary half-chuckle on the Inuzuka's face Naruto replied in kind and rubbed the back of his neck,

"Uh, actually the clones can use henge easier than I can; they don't have organs so they can't get hurt when they change shape like I do. They also don't weigh much, so they can go anywhere because when I change my weight stays the same, so I can't run over squeaky floors or narrow tree-branches safely, and I can't fly either. It's six of one, half-dozen of the other; takes me a long time to learn a henge 'cause I have to actually see and work out how to change into anything other than a person while my clones can do it right off the bat, but on the other hand my clones can still pop after time or if they get hit".

Oh my Kami; the idea of that was enough to tempt even a mind as jaded and experienced as the Sandaime's; if Naruto learns what the original purpose of Kage Bunshin was and can use his clones like he says he can, we have a future spymaster right under our noses. And he wishes to learn infiltration – actually, if the clans agree, we can use this to cut his teeth on getting in and out unnoticed...; deciding to postpone that line of thinking for a moment, the Hokage instead looked around the table and, seeing all present almost reeling from the shock of the image that had assailed him, decided to put an end to the night's revelations,

"Well Naruto-kun, you appear to have given us a lot to think over; however the night is getting on a little and I wouldn't want your clones' work to go to waste; I will see you in the morning to discuss exactly what you've been up to", the unspoken 'and you'd better not leave anything out' went without saying as Naruto nodded and his jiji went on, "and the clan heads will get back to you in their own time".

"Or I'll jus' drop in an' say hi", the boy commented casually, grinning at the shudder this statement called before he suddenly perked up as though remembering something and pointed at the table, "bu' why do I have to go? In fact, consider this th'first bit of teachin' – I gave all your stuff back so..." He hopped off the counter and pushed carefully between Shikaku and Shibi, the Aburame looking down inscrutably at the tuft of blonde hair that had popped up by their side of him as the jinchuuriki, stood on tip-toe so he could see over the table, pointed at the box of tiles and declared loudly,

"...deal me in".

"Uhh, unfortunately Uzumaki-san", it was Hiashi who took it upon himself to break the news to the would-be player, "this is a gathering of clan heads and you are, sadly, ineligible to play".

"Why? Dere's no other Uzumaki in Konoha so that makes me a clan head by default". Chouza grinned,

"Nice try kid but we've had this before; sorry but you can't be a clan of one, you have to have at least three generation of serving ninja to apply for clan status and, last time I looked, you hadn't gone through the Academy yet".

"Ah, that's no bother", Naruto waved the concern off like a cloud of mosquitoes, his eyes not wavering as Shikaku flipped the box open and began shuffling the tiles, "when I become Hokage I'll retrospectively change that law and make it legal". The Akimichi opened his mouth to argue, closed it again as he thought about it then, defeated, looked to his leader,

"Can he do that?"

"I'm not a hundred percent sure", Sarutobi responded, simultaneously wondering if it was an Uzumaki trait to make everything in his life difficult at the same time as try not to snicker at the absurd situation of a child trying to gate-crash an esteemed clan gathering as an excuse to learn how to play mah-jongg, "I'd like to say no but there is a chance he could be right".

"If that is the case I would recommend giving Uzumaki-san the benefit of the doubt", all eyes immediately snapped to Shibi but, unperturbed as always, the Aburame carried on, "it is unwise to isolate and ostracise someone who has demonstrated an aptitude for discovering hidden items within secure locations".

Having never been one to speak in fancy language Naruto was about to ask why the tall man in the dark glasses had suddenly started speaking a foreign language when he was put out of his misery by Tsume, who had once been in his shoes and only by dint of long exposure had managed to understand her Aburame counterpart to any degree of competency,

"He said it'd be best for us to keep you close because you know or can find out where all the bodies are buried", the Inuzuka instructed him, half-standing to stretch off her legs, "pull up a chair brat, let's see if you can handle political pressure as well as you can creep along a wall". Naruto let out a cheer and started bouncing around until a rap to the top of the head courtesy of Yoshino brought his excitement to an end and he hopped into the chair she had brought for him, looking over the table expectantly,

"So then, how'd you play dis then?"

XXX

He made a valiant effort but, in the end, not even Naruto could triumph over a child's greatest adversary; just before he toppled face-first into his mah-jongg tiles, he found his shoulder caught by Sarutobi, the old Hokage smiling down at the youngest player and half-pulling him to his feet,

"I think that's enough Naruto-kun; let's get you off to your own home, it's been a busy day and a late night for you".

"Hai jiji", the jinchuuriki managed to murmur, stumbling back from the table with a huge yawn, "wish'way's home?" Stifling a soft chuckle Sarutobi began to lead the jinchuuriki towards the Nara front door, the rest of the clan heads watching them both go and pausing the game as their leader departed.

The cold air of the night seemed to perk Naruto up somewhat as Sarutobi let himself out of the clan compound, though there was no way he'd ever make it home in one piece tonight and the Hokage didn't want to run the risk of his curling up in a convenient bush somewhere along the way; plenty of time for that when he's older and Anko-chan can legal challenge him to drinking games. For now though; with a gesture Sarutobi had an ANBU appear after a few seconds, allowing the Hokage to hand the virtually-slumbering child off to the masked ninja with a set of simple instructions,

"Please see that Naruto-kun gets home and settled in for the night", the ANBU nodded and made to disappear, hoisting the jinchuuriki into his arms and grateful for the mask hiding his smile as he heard the village leader speak again, mostly to himself, "thanks to him I have some bruised egos to soothe before tonight is over".

A few minutes later, having let himself back in and retaken his seat, Sarutobi looked around the table and shrugged quietly, amused despite himself as the air cleared with the removal of the only pair of innocent ears from the table; this ought to be rich;

"So then", needing no further encouragement Sarutobi struck the match and threw it on the tinder-dry atmosphere, "Uzumaki Naruto – what can you say about him?"

The explosion was coming, brewing like a katon jutsu in an Uchiha's lungs as every one of the clan heads present looked like they all had something they wanted to say (or scream, in some cases) but hadn't quite found the words to say them, before three words echoed in the air, spoken by the quietest member of the clan gathering. Three words of grudging respect that blew away the explosive quality of the atmosphere around the table and centred conversation where it needed to be rather than on pointless interruption and embarrassed recrimination,

"He's her son".

As Kuromaru climbed to his feet and shook himself off after being laid on the floor for so long, his partner found herself recalling the woman who, she was certain, would have been stood right behind Naruto and cheering him on every step of the way; when she wasn't actively giving him a hand at least; had it not been for the tragedy of the same attack that had taken her husband from her,

"You got that right Kuro-kun", Tsume said softly, scratching the broad muzzle of her nin-ken as she recalled the red-headed woman who had been all at once one of her closest friends and fiercest rival, "Kushina-chan must have been laughing herself sick up there in the light place when her boy caught us all out like that. Bloody Uzumaki – even from beyond the grave she still gets the last laugh on the lot of us".

"Some more than others", Hiashi, usually, found himself agreeing with the Inuzuka as a few choice memories of the red-haired and even redder-tempered Uzumaki girl forced themselves to the forefront of his mind; mostly those involving finding out that Jyuuken, for all its power, is absolutely no use when your enemy had tackled you to the floor and is throttling you at the same time as making an imprint in the ground with the back of your head; "and I see too much of her in Naruto to feel completely safe, least of all as he seems able to circumvent the eyes of our clan". At this Inoichi looked over, expression puzzled,

"How? I thought you could see chakra even if it wasn't focussed, or in a network – your clan can see seals after all?"

"Correct but the less structured the chakra the less impression there is to see", the Hyuuga lord explained, nodding towards where the Uzumaki had been sitting, "when I saw him in your form Tsume it was like seeing a very faint ghost, barely an outline with a chakra shadow filling it. I would guess it may be easier to see a smaller henge as the chakra is more concentrated but still, I wouldn't like to chance it if the safety of my clan is at stake".

With that proclamation the unspoken elephant wandered back into the room and sat there, forcing all present to divert attention towards it; Naruto was at once a potential goldmine of future potential and already prodigiously skilled with his infiltration method, aided by his unusual henge, but at the same time was a massive security risk – he could, if captured, deserted or gone rogue, highlight to enemies how to best attack and cripple Konoha's main clans from the inside-out. Hiashi especially was sensitive to this risk, having lost his brother and almost his daughter to a botched kidnapping some years earlier that had earnt Kumo the undying bitter enmity of the entire Hyuuga clan and he would easily snuff out a potential threat that might repeat that evil day prior to it occurring. Luckily however at this point Sarutobi roused himself from his own memories of both the Uzumaki mother and son enough to quash that worry,

"Naruto-kun is as loyal to Konoha as I am Hiashi-kun, there is no need to worry", the reassurance of the Third seemed to mollify all present as Sarutobi went on, "I have seen that boy grow from a baby and I have to say he surprises even me continuously, though tonight was extreme even by his own standards. Though he has you to thank for that I'm sure Shika-kun?" The Nara held his hands up in admission of his crime,

"True but what I said was true; I gave him some hints about where to go and he did the rest off his own bat; if I were to hazard a guess I'd say he's been planning this for about two months prior to tonight; no, think about it", seeing disbelief creeping over several faces he made to explain his reasoning, "even with his advantages, hitting six separate targets on his own in a what, at best twelve hour time period? Distance lone would have been an issue, to say nothing of actually getting in and finding what he needed to take; no, this was a long-term, well-planned and well-executed mission that he did solo, just to get some more people who'd be willing to teach him things or, more importantly, just talk to him when he shows up".

That succinct summary was enough to make Inoichi, something of an expert in this field due to his clan jutsu and personal reading on the subject, steeple his fingers and add his ten ryo's worth,

"Hai, Naruto-san seems to just be lonely at some level; you saw how he wanted to join in our game?" As the others nodded Inoichi mimicked them, glad he didn't have to explain it to them all, "To me that looked like the very first time he'd ever been able to join in a game of anything, or at least a game with more than two players. I know he works, for want of a better word, with ninja – I guess he felt he should go one better and play with them as well – let's face it, he got off to a good start with Anko from what Ibiki was telling me and if he can get the Snake Mistress to warm up to him", the Yamanaka snorted with rough laughter, glancing over at the seat Naruto had been warming until a few minutes previously, "I think every ninja in Konoha is in danger of unofficially adopting a little brother".

"Assuming they haven't already done so", his former team mate chipped in, all listening to the scarred shinobi as Shikaku went on, "most of the clan that meet him on the training grounds like him, even look for him in some cases".

"Effort from a Nara; must be serious", Chouza chortled before sweeping up the majority of the mah-jongg tiles in a single meaty hand, "well, I'll be taking him up on the offer – a good few recipes and, when he's a bit older, a visit to a few of our butcheries and abattoirs should help with his henges, small beans really to stop someone sneaking in when they feel like it. Actually, the more I think about it, the luckier I think we've been".

"That's a matter of opinion", Tsume snarled lowly, though her fierce expression softened somewhat as she was forced to grudgingly concede the point, "but you're right Chou; up until now it's only respect for us and the thought of being messily ripped apart that's stopped villagers wandering onto our clan lands – ninja on the other hand, wouldn't have that fear. I can't believe we missed something that basic – all that work on stopping every technique the Uchiha could steal and there's nothing in the way of the enemy walking through the damn front gate".

"Nothing yet Tsume-san, though there will be for all of us soon", Shibi corrected her, already thinking of potential insect breeds that could be used or integrated in the Aburame hives to forestall all intruders, not just those who had a supply of activated chakra, "I am in agreement with Chouza-san; it is illogical to refuse such a generous bargain". At this point Inoichi, who had been silently considering a different matter, felt it time to interject,

"I don't doubt we'll all take him up on it more or less, but this does raise some other interesting issues as well", before continuing, the Yamanaka clan head looked to his superior for permission to stray into potentially treasonous territory, "such as the nature of Naruto-san's henge, and what other, avenues this training of his could eventually lead down".

Seeing where this was going Sarutobi considered putting the moment off until a few years down the line but dismissed such concerns quickly; here and now with only the shinobi and no civilians to distract from business, this was likely to be the best chance the Hokage ever had to explain both his ideas for Naruto's eventual future and, more importantly, the reasons behind them,

"The nature of the henge is, as you've probably guessed, something to do with Naruto's tenant", the old shinobi began, feeling older with each word he spoke as he once again cursed Minato for being such a damned hero and condemning his son to life as a jinchuuriki, "Kyuubi are known to be shape-shifters and tricksters, this may be an element of that nature expressing itself through Naruto's character. I can't prove it of course, but I believe that both this and his somewhat...flamboyant nature are at least influenced by the demon he holds, though I'd stake my hat on his temperament being inherited from his mother".

"I'd throw my apron on such a wager as well Hokage-sama, as well as Hiashi's Icha Icha", Chouza commented slyly, the twitch of the Hyuuga's jaw a sight well-worth seeing in his eyes as the Akimichi took a whip to his solemn friend's pride. Sarutobi smiled at this before beginning again, his voice this time more distant than before as re relived every decision he'd ever made concerning the container of the nine-tailed fox,

"True, though that spark, his personality and drive to make people see him as himself, a future Hokage, rather than a monster such as the bijuu, will become the will of fire that saves him from the fate that befalls so many jinchuuriki".

Though some of the assembled ninja present had encountered jinchuuriki before , or at least jinchuuriki used by enemy countries, they were in the minority; as a result all listened rather than spoke as Sarutobi went on, describing the fate he had tried to shield his adoptive grandson from,

"From what I have seen and read from Harashima-sensei's personal journals, no human can ever understand the pain most jinchuuriki feel in their lives; as those who contain demons, they are often, in fact usually feared, shunned and hated. Their training can be barbaric, breaking their minds and spirits until nothing is left but a callous, murderous psychopath, more demon than man but utterly loyal to the village and Kage. I saw this could happen here, in this very place my sensei built and I swore upon my own Will of Fire that it would not be so, I would not destroy a child, a hero of this village, just to allow Konoha access to a weapon that, with the will of Kami-sama, we would never have cause to use and I believe tonight has vindicated that decision. Naruto-kun, alone and without even being aware of his burden, has done what no other jinchuuriki could ever hope to do – he has stepped down the path of being a shinobi, rather than just a mere weapon".

"I, ah, sorry Hokage-sama", Yoshino managed a slightly abashed smile as she shrugged, "I don't quite follow – I understand about how being around people should stop him feeling too embittered because some idiots can't see past the end of their own noses, but the shinobi and weapon I don't get". Sarutobi considered this, thinking of the best way to explain before, after a long pause, he drew in a breath and spoke again,

"Much as I detest this mentality, think of all ninja, every ninja in the world, regardless of age, rank or clan, as a weapon; in this example, most ninja would be something akin to a kunai, or a ninjato; sharp, multi-functional, can do virtually any job required of them. Everyone understand so far?" Seeing the sextuplet of nods, the Hokage carried on,

"In this example therefore, an average jinchuuriki would not be one of these weapons; if anything they'd have to be classed as something like a tetsubo war-club. Jinchuuriki are not ninja; they contain living forces of nature and are trained to use that power to smash past or through any barrier or enemy in their way. A tetsubo is a devastating weapon but only if wielded correctly and against the right target; jinchuuriki can and have wiped out entire battle squadrons of ninja and wipe small villages off the face of the Elemental Nations, but by the same token many have also gone rogue from their home nations, driven out by hatred. Also jinchuuriki can be assassinated just like anyone else; a dagger to the throat in the dead of night will kill anyone, even a demon vessel. Naruto-kun, on the other hand, has not been trained like a normal jinchuuriki; in fact he hasn't been trained apart from the instruction he has earned himself, and be honest", a cunning smile, the one a gambler might wear when he held a winning hand and with an ace stashed up his sleeve for good luck, wormed it's way onto Sarutobi's face as he leant forwards and finished his example,

"Does what he did tonight against your clan houses look like the work of a tetsubo?"

The wisdom of the Hokage was enough to persuade all others present even without the tangible effects of the jinchuuriki's handiwork, one hand still patting down his weapon pouch to make sure the incriminating book wasn't getting away from him, Hiashi was the first to speak,

"No Hokage-sama; if anything, using your example, the work of Uzumaki-san appears to mimic the action of a senbon, or the blade your wife uses Akimichi-san", having seen Chime practice in the clan dojo several times in the past Chouza was more than prepared to nod at this as the Hyuuga went on, "a single, clean strike, straight through to the heart of the target. The way all ninja should fight".

"Hai, most jinchuuriki would by now be working on drawing on and trying to master their tenant's chakra", the older man replied, "many, in fact, are taught nothing of or very little ninjutsu unless their tenant gives them techniques or a bloodline limit of a sort. Those that they do learn are almost always widespread area destruction techniques, nothing subtle like Naruto-kun has used".

"And just as well", Tsume snorted, the reminder of her former childhood nemesis enough to rekindle former flames of contest that she thought had been snuffed with Kushina-chan's untimely passing, "the thought of another one of him running around somewhere in the Elemental Nations would be enough to make every woman fear for their privacy. If Jiraiya-hentai ever gets hold of him and that henge of his we might as well all walk round naked and save him the bother of peeking".

"Tsume-chan, it's not nice to tease the elderly with visions of paradise before they're nailing down the coffin lid", Yoshino teased slightly, the dog-nin making an obscene gesture but not a uttering a peep as the Nara went on, "besides, it's nothing Hiashi-kun hasn't already seen..."

"The Byakugan does not allow clothing to be seen through", the Hyuuga lord stated firmly, inwardly cringing as he knew this would never wash, "much as Jiraiya-sama might wish it was it is not the ultimate peeping doujutsu".

"Just as well, or I'd be forced to claw your eyes out after staring at my body like that", the Inuzuka riposted, grateful that this time she wasn't the one on the receiving end of the banter, "for shame Hiashi".

"As I said earlier", he responded frostily, not wanting to give her the satisfaction or baiting him into an argument, "I have no reason to look at such a disgusting spectacle..."

"Are you calling me ugly?" At this point someone around the table simply couldn't help himself and leant over the table to stage-whisper to his friend,

"I find these pre-mating rituals rather baffling, and potentially violent", all conversation stilling, both duelling parties glared over at the Aburame as Shibi finished his suggestion to the table at large, "should we retire to a safe distance?"

"Aburame-san", Hiashi's voice was deceptively soft and laden with promises of pain, "what did you mean by those rituals of yours".

"Could just be me but I think he means Tsume-chan should be slipping into something more comfortable", Inoichi knew he should be keeping quiet but hell, bruises healed and it was a rare day to catch out both Hiashi and Tsume in a single night, "and if it helps, you can borrow those toys of mine as long as I get them all ba-acckkkk!"

Not even Shikaku could react fast enough as, pushed beyond the limits of tolerance, Tsume roared out a battle cry, pounced on his former team mate, wrapped an arm around his neck in bar choke and started to squeeze.

A/N: Oh dear, poor Inoichi; but Naruto has played his hand and the cards are on the table – what could happen now he's been introduced to the heads of the majority of Konoha's clans? Who could he meet as he starts turning into a house-mouse? Will he take his job seriously, or will it end up in a mouse-hunt of epic proportions? Until next time – ja ne!