I'm terrible with deadlines.
If I owned Hetalia, the BTT would be unstoppable.
Sometimes, America noticed, it wasn't just France who asked for a beating. Yeah, sure, they could do without his perverted comments and random gropings, but he only became a true terror when he decided to hang out with his other two friends. The Bad Touch Trio.
Or, to America, 'The-Three-Idiots-Who-Think-They're-Better-Than-Me'.
Names weren't important, though. What was important was that they didn't know the meaning of personal space. They didn't know the meaning of 'leave the other countries alone, no one likes you guys anyway'. They only knew the meaning of annoyance.
America saw just how many nations were constantly irritated by this certain trio. Their first target would usually be Romano, and they would travel down the list of countries to harass, usually ending with England. And by ending, they totally went home with bruises all along their jaws.
They never really bothered America much.
He was content with that, though. Every so often, one of them would make a jab in his direction, but America would simply smile and mutter something about the second amendment, and that would be all the harassment he received.
Besides, there were times when the Bad Touch Trio were actually a really fun group. Even more so when it came to blackmailing the others. America found some good material during those moments, material that he never once forgot.
Unless they were blackmailing him, of course. However, America would cough out the words, "bearing arms," and those silly Europeans would shut their mouths and the incident would never be spoken of again.
Anyway, the point of the story would be that, despite their lack of interest (or lack of balls) in dealing with the American, they were still annoying to every other country in existence. And heroes were idolized when the source of annoyance was removed. Which obviously meant that the Bad Touch Trio must be removed from the World Meetings. And to do that, they ought to be removed from the maps.
But the only way to remove them from the maps would be to kill them. If there was one thing America wouldn't do to stop them, it would be to kill them. Or wound them. Or lock them up in a dungeon and never let them see the light of day again.
He couldn't do the last one on account that he didn't even have a dungeon. He needed to build one.
Besides the point, though. Totally irrelevant (not really, a little voice in his head told him. Wouldn't it be fun to be a dungeon master or something?).
His way of dealing with the problem was much more heroic than punishing. His way of dealing with the problem was absolutely flawless. All he had to do was approach them.
"Dudes, nice meeting ya in the hallway!" he said, clapping France's shoulder (hard enough to show off his strength but not nearly hard enough to make him collapse).
"Actually, America, we were about to-"
America didn't care what Spain wanted to say. He never really did. "We haven't talked in a while, have we? No. Well, let's talk! Ooh, I have the perfect conversation starter! Don't you just hate it when other nations get all up in your personal bubble?"
France removed America's hand from his shoulder, raising his perfectly-plucked eyebrows (what a girl, America thought with a scoff). "Oui. We do."
With a chuckle, America shook his head. "I mean, there are just those nations you wanna punch for being so obnoxious and arrogant, don't ya think? They take up your time and harass you."
Prussia shot France a confused grin, disbelief plastered across his face. "There are those nations we wish to punch, ja. Nations that stop us in the middle of hallways to lec-"
"I wish I could punch some nations, too. I mean, they're attention whores and only care for themselves and-"
Spain finally got a word in. "America, are you saying you want to punch yourself?"
With a blink, America stared blankly at Spain. "No," he answered. "Why the hell would I wanna do that?"
"You said you wanted to punch the annoying countries," Prussia supplied. "You're the most annoying country of them all."
America laughed. "What? Am not! The world adores me, you silly guy. I make good points in the world meetings and I help everyone during the wars and I never lose! I fight for freedom and justice and...and...and more freedom! I'm America and no one hates me."
"That's up for debate." Prussia centered himself in front of the taller nation, smirking at America's defiant look. "I can think of ten other nations who hate you."
"Liar."
"Am not!"
"Are so!"
"Am not!"
"Are-"
"Oh, just stop," France muttered, pushing Prussia aside. "Amérique, we don't exactly hate you. We just..." He looked around at his friends, trying to think of the perfect way to describe it. "We just get irritated by you every so often, that's all."
Well. Huh. This was most certainly not going as plan. America frowned, a bit upset that his ideas weren't working. "But...I just want to be known for being great and heroic and awesome-"
"Too late, I called awesome," Prussia snapped.
France sent a glare to his friend. "If you calmed down slightly, Amérique, perhaps more nations would be willing to listen to you." He patted America's shoulder, a smile on his face. "Now, we must be off. We have things to see and people to do. Au revoir!"
The trio left, snickering and glancing back at America, who stood in the now-empty hallway wondering what the hell had just happened.
Yes, the ending was very much rushed. I apologize for that.
Shameless promoting here: I now have a tumblr! It is bob-ness-1 dot tumblr dot com. Once I get a few more followers, I'll be posting up some stories/drabbles/whatever else.
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