Chapter 10

It turned out that nothing could dampen the elation of performing for Kurt, not even the stress of seeing a clump of Warblers in their navy and red in the hallway before the competition started, and knowing Blaine was amongst them. He didn't look for Blaine in their number, but rather looked the other way. It was the best option, ignoring. But once he had gotten on that stage, even solo-less, everything else was wiped away for those scant few minutes. Even though he could make out where the group of Warblers was sitting in the audience through the stage lights, they were nothing.

The ecstasy of it, pure adrenaline and joy mixed together in equal parts, kept him going afterwards; it was thrumming through his shaking hands as he took a seat in the auditorium to watch the other performers. Aural Intensity was alright, but forgettable, and he really wasn't waiting to see them anyway.

He had to admit it, as much as he was dreading seeing Blaine today, he was looking forward to it. Perversely, maybe. Knowing it would hurt. Conversely, though, he wanted to see him.

The Warblers took the stage, and Kurt's eyes when instantly to Blaine. Not that it was that difficult or outstanding. Blaine was standing stage center, several feet ahead of the neat lines of the other boys behind him. The spot light settled on him, and Kurt's breath caught in his throat. He had seen Blaine perform before. Seen him in just day-to-day life. But he had also witnessed him stripped bare. This wasn't Blaine's veneer on stage. Kurt could tell that.

The ensemble started the melody, harmony, and baseline, it all teasingly familiar. Then Blaine opened his mouth and started singing, the first few aching notes and words of "Somewhere Only We Know."

Blaine's face wasn't written with its easy charm, like it often was, as he sang. Rather, he was singing, just singing, without practiced movements or whatever else that polished up performances. In fact, his eyes slide shut a lot as he sang, something Kurt knew he himself did when he was slipping completely into a song, just for himself, but it wasn't often considered good stage presence.

Blaine got to the chorus. His voice got stronger, deeper, like he was ripping out his everything from his gut.

Santana reached over Brittany, who was sitting between Kurt and her, and poked him hard in the ribs. Kurt gave her a venomous look that he hoped conveyed both 'not here' and 'not now.' She didn't look intimidated but she left him alone.

Nearing the end of the number, Kurt overheard Brittany whisper to Santana, "I think Puck's crying," but paid no mind to that or anyone. He only had the eyes and ears for the stage, for Blaine. As Blaine was finishing off the last lines, his voice changed again, as if every noise he made was challenged with emotion. And his last, repeated, "somewhere only we know" had slipped into a whisper of a sing. Kurt was nearer the front of the audience, and he wasn't sure if he barely heard it or if he imagined it, knowing Blaine's voice, reading his lips, and expecting it to be there. It wasn't nearly loud enough of an ending for a stage or an auditorium. It would probably be perceived as a weakness by the judge's, who would see the performance as puttering out. But Kurt saw it as the perfect performance, in that it's ending was something more deep and complicated than perfection.

The audience applauded, and the Warblers shifted in there formation. Blaine slipped into the front row, and another boy stepped forward to take the lead. As the audience quieted, they started a upbeat performance of "Raise Your Glass" with much more involved choreography than they had seen from the Warblers last time they had competed. It would be another close call. Not that Kurt was really thinking about the competition in that moment. He was focusing on figuring out how to breathe again.

…

Victory. Narrow, probably, but also the best victory, having jumped the hurdle that had tripped the New Directions the year before. They were going to Nationals.

He had been hugged by everyone in New Directions at least twice when they decided collectively that as the Warblers had come to congratulate them at Sectionals, they should return the favor of polite competition.

They found the Warblers in the lobby downtrodden but not devastated. Rachel said something loud, obnoxious and rude that made Kurt ache with second hand embarrassment. The Warblers didn't seem all to care too much as they got to intermingle with a bunch of pretty girls. All boy's school must be hard for straight boys.

Blaine, as well as Nick, were the center of attention for New Directions' admirations. Kurt watched from the outside of the clump of students, watched Blaine getting his hand shaken and such. He wasn't being particularly talkative that day, so his crowd quickly moved onto more interesting pursuits. As Blaine was left alone, he looked up right at Kurt. Maybe he had felt Kurt, that whole time, looking at him.

Kurt did something he hadn't expected of himself and jerked his head to the side to imply – let's sneak off.

Blaine nodded and quickly excused himself. Kurt was about to do the same, thinking no one was paying attention to him. Santana must've caught on, however, because she pinched his arm hard as he passed by her. He didn't look back though to give her time for words or even expressions.

Blaine had stopped about halfway down the empty hallway, and Kurt joined him there.

"You were great up there," Kurt said.

"I messed up the end," Blaine said with a bit a shrug.

"No you didn't," Kurt replied. They stood there for a little while saying nothing. Kurt started a "Did you…" a question about the song and its relevance, but he didn't finish it. Blaine was contemplating the tips of his shoes.

Just as Kurt was about to dismiss himself for how useless this meeting had become, Blaine looked up and said, "I've missed you."

Kurt swallowed and nodded, for it was more than a small talk 'I missed you.'

"Yeah?" he questioned, trying not to sound too hopeful that he had meant as much intensely to Blaine as Blaine had to him.

Blaine nodded. "Sorry, if that makes things awkward."

"It doesn't…," Kurt said. He wanted to say more, but he didn't know how to say more without trapping himself.

"To be honest," Blaine said, "I don't really understand completely what went down. We were fine, maybe even more than, and then you called me, and we weren't… and then I texted you that once and never heard back from you." He sounded so uneasy as he spoke this, Blaine, shy and tentative. Kurt had seen his vulnerability before, but not because of something Kurt did. He suddenly felt like he could kick himself, remembering the story Blaine had confided in him that night, well before Kurt learned of his indiscretion of fooling around with someone else. Blaine had been abandoned by someone he had thrown in his emotions with, and Kurt just abandoned him too, and with not even the honor of doing it to his face.

"I was in a bad place, and I'm sorry that it probably hurt you, my suddenly cutting out with barely an explanation. I wasn't really thinking about how that would affect you."

Blaine nodded, but didn't ask for more explanation, but Kurt felt compelled to give it.

"I shouldn't have…" Kurt started, but he stopped and started over. "Don't get me wrong. I'm really glad I met you, but I shouldn't have had sex with you."

"Was it that bad?" It was a desperate plea at joke in attempt to alleviate an emotionally tense situation.

Kurt laughed. "It was great, actually, but at the same time… it kind of made me feel horrible."

Blaine face deepened in concern.

"It's not you," Kurt said quickly, placing a hand on Blaine's to try assure him of his earnesty. "You made me feel better than anyone in a long time. It's just… it's never what I wanted. Hooking up, outside of a relationship, with no feelings," or with unrequited feelings, "and that just ultimately made me feel like crap."

"Especially when you found out I was fooling around with other people too," Blaine said, more to himself.

"That just brought it all home, what I was doing to myself."

"I'm sorry," Blaine said.

"It's not your fault. You did nothing wrong, actually. Like I said, you were great, and you made me feel great. It was, really, me that made me feel bad. It was my mistakes."

"But I was implicit."

"You didn't know."

"Well," Blaine said, like a concession that he didn't really believe. "It feels like it at least partially my fault. You stopped talking to me, after all."

Kurt looked down, ashamed, even if shaming him certainly wasn't his intention.

"I needed my space," he said with a shrug, a hope of an explanation. "You and the situation were tangled together." He shrugged again. He felt out of water.

"Can we just be friends again?" Blaine asked. It was the 'again' that got to Kurt. . Because they had been friends. And maybe cutting away from Blaine for a while had been necessary for Kurt's own sake – own emotional health. But it didn't have to be an eternal breaking apart.

"I would like that," Kurt said, and he meant it. "Let's just not rush anything, if that makes sense."

"Sounds perfect," Blaine said, and Kurt had to wonder if he were imagining the intensity of wonder in Blaine's voice.

…

"Did you two go screw in the bathroom or something?" was the first thing Santana asked as Kurt caught up with the New Directions as they awaited their bus.

"No," he said tersely. They were too many ears around to overhear to have this discussion with her.

"You mean Kurt sneaking off with the bird-boy?" Brittany said in that head-in-the-clouds way she spoke everything.

"What? What?" Kurt said, because two 'what's were necessary in this occasion.

"By bird-boy, she means Warbler," Santana explained.

"No, I got that. But everyone saw?"

"You were in the middle of a giant group of people. How covert do you think you were being?" Santana shot back at him with an eye roll.

As if on cue, Tina came up on one side of him, Mercedes on the other, and captured him between them both.

"Wasn't that the same Warbler from the mall you were talking in private with?" Tina teased.

"Right on, boy," Mercedes said.

Kurt groaned in horror.

The two girls positioned themselves on either side of him during the bus ride home and tried to pry the story of Kurt and Blaine – they knew his name from the program at the competition – from him. He gave away nothing, refuses to acknowledge anything beyond the point that they had talked the two times that the girls had spied them doing such. Tina was of the outspoken persuasion that the two of them had been dating in secret ever since she had given Blaine Kurt's number at the mall. Secret, of course, because of after the Jesse St. James debacle last year, certainly he knew Rachel, at the least, would back a big deal out of it.

Mercedes wasn't so convinced, and believed Kurt was telling the truth in that he had only talked to Blaine these two times, but that Kurt certainly needed to "jump that boy" because he was fine and obviously interested in Kurt.

Eventually Kurt gave up and let them speculate. Any refusal only feed their fire. Plus, neither of them were close to the actual truth.

Aki – Just under the wire getting this updated in my week time limit. Anyone else really like the Diva episode? I did.