A/N: Thanks again for all the reviews. Sorry for the delay, but it's been a crazy week.

1:51 AM

Marine Parkway Bridge

The visit with his mother had been disastrous.

For a couple of years he had the chance to relax around her and actually enjoy his time with her. She used to be lively, talking and laughing with him over the good memories they shared. Then a few months ago it all started to slip away. She would become livid over the smallest mundane things, like him being a couple minutes late or missing a phone call. He had known then that her medication was starting to become useless. That the impending psychological break was going to happen if the doctors couldn't find a dose or new drug that worked for her.

Bobby couldn't understand how some people with schizophrenia could get better, take the same medication for their whole lives, and never have another psychotic episode. Then there were people like his mother who never got better. The feeling of being cheated out of having a normal life and a normal relationship with his mother used to infuriate him. It took him a long time to get over that feeling. Then he had to deal with the guilt of leaving his mother to pursue his own life. His mother was very good at making him feel guilty about choosing his life over her.

After twenty-five years he was still convincing himself that it was okay to leave. That it was okay for him to have a life beyond his responsibilities to her. During the time when she was stable and doing well, it was easier. He saw her happiness and he heard her joyous voice as she talked about her day and all the things she had done. Experiencing that would be enough for him to not feel like he was abandoning her every time he had to go home or to work.

It were times like these that made him feel like he was eighteen again and leaving his mother for the first time. The guilt would creep up and make his throat tight as he drove away with the echo of her frantic, scared voice radiating throughout his head. Living a life outside of her shouldn't have made him feel guilty. It was supposed to be a release, a happy and enjoyable freedom.

Right then, heading across the bridge toward Alex's house, that was the last thing he felt. He hadn't wanted to leave his mother's bedside until she woke up. She didn't; she slept through the entire day and into the night. The doctor's told him that for a week she had been so restless and agitated that she barely slept. So, even though the tranquilizer had been a very mild one, they weren't surprised when after the effects of the drug wore off that she stayed asleep.

He had taken the time that he was left alone in his mother's room to think about the case and the time he had spent with Alex's family. Her family caused him a great deal of stress but he was glad that he finally got to meet the people that Alex had in her life growing up. She had a lot of people who loved her. Even though they could be brutal, it was always with the intention of protecting her. He couldn't say the same for his family. In his home, he needed protection from them. Once he realized that no one was going to protect him, he did it himself.

Forty years of protecting his self had been shattered the day Alex told him that she loved him. Hearing that had flipped his whole world upside down. It made him curse his emotional barriers and insecurities because he knew that she deserved better than what he could give her. She said she was happy with just him trying, but how long was that going to last? A person could only hope for so long before they got tired of receiving little to no results.

That weekend had been a huge step for him, throwing himself into the lion's den that was her family for the sake of proving that he cared enough for her to do it. She had appreciated his effort this time and that was all he could ask and hope for.

He had tried calling Alex a few hours ago when he was on his way from Carmel Ridge but it had gone straight to voicemail. Unlike him, she could get to bed at a decent hour. Driving through the streets of Rockaway, and toward her apartment that was on the far eastside of the island; he couldn't help the growing feeling that something was wrong.

It all felt wrong and he had no idea why his intuition was making him get a queasy feeling in the pit of his stomach as he turned onto her street. Her car was there and the lights were out in her apartment. Everything appeared to be normal yet nothing felt normal or right. The street seemed wrong, the air was too thick, and the feel of the house as soon as he opened the door was nearly sickening.

Bobby didn't close the front door all the way as he flipped on the light for the living room. The jacket wore that weekend was hanging on the hook and there was nothing out of place in the living room. The same went for the dining room and kitchen. Nothing had been taken out of place or moved. If Alex had been home, even for a few hours before going to bed, something would have been disturbed. She would have made tea or heated up something to eat or read a book by the fireplace moved the pillows on the couch.

Approaching her bedroom, he unconsciously moved his hand to his belt but realized that he didn't have a gun on him. It was at his apartment that he had bypassed on his way to her house. Pushing the door open, he immediately knew that she wasn't there. The bed was perfectly made and she was nowhere in the room. The only sound in the house was Polly who was chirping frantically in its cage.

He was out of the apartment and pulling out his cell phone with a shaky hand before he had time to register that he even left the bedroom. As soon as he heard a sleepy and irritated Captain Deakins on the phone, he couldn't speak. His throat locked and it was all he could do to close his eyes and press his hand firmly into his bruised right eye to get him to concentrate.

"Goren! Is everything all right?"

Bobby shook his head into the phone even though the Captain couldn't see him.

"Where are you?"

In Hell. He took a deep haggard breath before softly saying, "Eames..."

"What about Eames? Bobby--"

"She-she's gone...She's...aw, fuck." Bobby sat down heavily on the steps and buried his head in his hands.

It had been five days since they had found Stella Cole's body by the Harlem River. Five days was the waiting period between the time a victim was found and another was taken. He should have been there instead of wasting hours upstate.

Deakins was still on the phone but he couldn't hear his voice or what he was telling him. Bobby suddenly hung up on his captain and stood. Flipping his phone open again as he paced on the sidewalk, he called Detective Benson and told her about Alex and gave her the address.

Staring up at the front door that he left open, he barely moved until he heard the sirens and saw the flashing red, white, and blue lights from the cop cars. Holding up his shield, he approached the officers.

"Detective Goren, Major Case. This is my partner's house, Detective Alex Eames and she's missing. I've already cleared the house."

An officer hoisted his gun as he stepped up to him. "Who are we waiting on?"

Bobby pocketed his shield as he told him, "My Captain and SVU detectives have already been called. We're waiting on them."

If the officers wanted to question him on why the Special Victim's Unit was called, they didn't voice it and Bobby was glad.

It was a long wait, or at least it seemed like a long time, before he spotted Deakins car rounding the corner. Bobby walked up to it as it slowed to a stop behind his car and he watched as his captain got out.

"What the hell is going on?"

Bobby rubbed at the back of his neck as he walked beside Deakins to the house. "I-I got here nearly an hour ago, and... She's gone, Captain. Her car is here, her keys are on the table by the door, her purse on the floor, but...she's not here."

Deakins walked up the steps and stopped at the door. "I heard SVU was called. Did you see evidence of assault?"

Bobby stayed at the bottom of the steps as he looked up at Deakins. "No, but...I'm sure it's him."

Deakins didn't need to hear him voice who 'him' was as he stared back down at him. "CSU is on the way."

Bobby nearly paled as he shifted his eyes to the ground. "Captain, we need to have a talk." He suddenly turned and walked off down the sidewalk, knowing Deakins would follow him back to his car. Once he stopped at his car and turned, Deakins was barely a few feet from him with his arms crossed over his chest.

"What's going on, Bobby? Why were you coming over to your partner's house at two in the morning?"

He knew when he called it in that this would be brought up and questioned. Why would he be going to his partner's house so late at night? Bobby shifted in his stance and kept his eyes on Alex's door as he peered over Deakins shoulder. "CSU is going to find evidence of...of Eames being in a serious relationship with a man. And this man is going to be identified and questioned as a suspect in her disappearance. So, as of right now, I'm going to have to turn in my shield."

Deakins didn't move for a long moment as he continued to stare hard at him. Finally, after he sighed heavily and moved his hands to his hips, said, "Are you telling me that my best detectives, who are the best team in the entire Major Case Squad, are...in a relationship?"

Bobby stared at the sidewalk as he nodded. Pulling out his shield, he handed it to Deakins. "I, uh, I already know how this is going to go, Captain. The FBI already sees me as a suspect. Now, with Eames missing, and with evidence that I've...that we're in a relationship, I'm going to be hung out to dry on this as the FBI investigates my involvement, and the Chief.... He's going to prevent as much political backfire and damage control as possible by having me suspended, probably for the duration of the investigation. There's nothing good that's going to come out of this, not until Eames is found. That's why I call in SVU. They need to stay ahead of the FBI to figure out who this sick son-of-a-bitch is and getting Eames back because the FBI is only going to be focused on me that they aren't going to even attempt to look at other suspects."

Deakins eyed his badge in his hand then looked up at him. "Is there anything that will implicate you in her disappearance or in the murders of the previous victims?"

Bobby shook his head. "I was at Carmel Ridge all day. I called Eames when I left there nearly three hours ago from my cell phone. I drove all the way here from there, stopping at a gas station in Brooklyn; I paid with my debit card, before I got onto the bridge."

"I'm guessing you used cash for the toll."

Bobby nodded. "But, with the time frame and the fact that I do have an alibi for my whereabouts all day and then having the receipt for the gas...I should be okay. There's no way I could have gotten here, took Eames, and then came back."

Deakins nodded in agreement. "Okay, so you'll be cleared; however, you're right, the ramifications of your relationship with Eames, you'll still be suspended. I don't think the Chief will do anything else until after Eames is found. "

"I...I'll throw myself under the bus before I have him fire Eames, Captain. If it comes to that, I'll rather lose my job than see her lose hers."

Deakins didn't like hearing that and he wasn't about to accept that as a possibility. "Look, I'll talk to the Chief, and go to bat for you guys. If anything, hopefully the worst that will happen is being separated and maybe a demotion for Eames. I won't accept anything more without following you under that bus." He looked back over his shoulder at the officers waiting for the arrival of the detectives before asking him, "How long?"

Bobby smiled a little despite the growing fear in his gut and head as he told him, "Since...since I, uh, was found."

"A year and a half, and no one had a clue...I'm impressed."

So was he, but for many different reasons. Bobby nodded a little as he spotted a SUV coming around the opposite corner. "The SVU detectives are here."

Deakins watched with him as the SUV parked and Benson and Stabler got out. "Okay, I'll talk to them. When I leave, follow me back to Major Case. I'll have them and the FBI question you there and then..." he looked back at him. "I know you were thinking about working the case off-hours. So...with being your Captain, what you do on personal time is your business and not mine."

Bobby stared at his captain as he processed that. "Are, are you giving me permission to...to conduct my own investigation?"

Deakins shook his head. "No, I'm not saying anything to you right now about anything. And, if asked, I'll deny it. Plausible deniability, remember?"

Bobby could have given Deakins a hug if it wouldn't have freaked them both out. Instead, he smiled a little and nodded. "Thanks," he told him before watching as Deakins headed over to greet the SVU detectives.

Major Case Squad

The crime scene, the gym, the house...the guy had to have been stalking her. Watching where she went and which who. He saw her working out, saw her go shopping, to the dry-cleaners, to his apartment...Did he see him at her place that night? Was he a witness to their most intimate moments? Was he out on Long Island, watching from a distance during the day and the darkness at night?

Bobby rubbed at his head and closed his eyes against the relentless pounding of a headache. They only had five days to find her and the man who had her was playing games. Leaving evidence that pointed to one of their own. What if it was a diversion? It might not be a cop. At this point anything was possible. That meant that they had nothing and it was the worst place to be.

A cup of coffee appeared in front of him and he looked up to see Stabler hovering over him. Bobby stared at the cup and muttered, "Thanks."

Stabler sat across from him at the table in the conference room. "You look ready to drop."

Bobby took a sip of the coffee but the taste was all wrong. "This tastes like shit."

Stabler chuckled and glanced out the glass window into the squad room. "The Feds made it a few hours ago. It's old, bitter, and Maxwell House. What'd you expect?"

Bobby had bad tasting coffee before, but usually Eames made it better by adding the right amount of sugar and flavored creamer to make it tolerable for him to drink it. He looked up at the detective as he leaned back in the chair and pushed the coffee away. The SVU detective was watching him and he didn't hide the fact that he was studying him. "Do, do you think I'm responsible?"

Stabler seemed taken back by that as he sipped at the coffee. Bobby was surprised at how easily it was to read the tough detective. Stabler had no problem showing what he was thinking or feeling, especially when he was angry. Right then, he was apprehensive and conflicted.

Bobby watched at the emotions flickered in the other man's eyes even though his body language stayed the same; arms crossed over his chest, sitting back in the chair, and his eyes were permanently narrowed into his as his face grew stern and tight.

Finally, he sat forward on the table and placed his cup down to the side so he could appear non-confrontational and open. Bobby knew the deal, and Stabler was playing out every single one of them. "Listen, Goren...I know about you and Eames. Deakins let us know right from the word 'go' what the deal was. I know how tough this is--"

Bobby pushed hard away from the table, making the chair tip over and bang on the floor. "Stop yanking my chain, Stabler," he told him as he leaned over the table, nearly filling the entire space that had separated them. "I asked you if you think I'm responsible. It's a yes or no question and I expect an yes or no answer."

Stabler worked his jaw as the anger was starting to win out over his patients. Bobby knew he was going to get somewhere with the detective if he pushed him, and he was right. "No, I don't, but you think you are."

"Yeah, I do, because it was. I shouldn't have stayed gone so long. I shouldn't have cancelled our meeting. We knew it was a possibility that she was the next target. Why...why didn't I..." Bobby was getting too tired to talk, yet alone think. He stumbled back and picked up the chair and sat it a little harder on the floor before slumping down into it.

"You can't play this game, Goren. 'Should've-would've-could've' isn't going to bring Eames back. Neither is this guilt."

"Then tell me I was wrong."

"I"m not gonna do that!" Stabler nearly barked at him. "Look, if you need the guilt to kick your ass into high gear to find her, then okay, go 'head and blame yourself all you want."

Bobby stared hard at Stabler and shook his head. What was he doing? He had no idea anymore. It was four in the morning and he hadn't slept in over twenty-four hours. Not real good sleep anyway. A couple of hours in a chair with Alex on his lap wasn't even comparable to a good nights rest. "'m sorry," he apologized even though he didn't mean it. "I...I, uh, haven't had any sleep in over a day." He stared at the abandoned cup of horrible coffee before picking it up and downing it. Maybe a few more of those and he would be okay.

Stabler was actually looking sympathetic and for some reason that pissed him off. "Hey, don't worry 'bout it." He looked out the window again and then back at him. "You two happy? In love?"

Bobby had no energy left to try and put up a good fight against not telling Stabler a damn thing. "You asking if we were serious?"

Stabler gave a soft nod.

Bobby looked out the window at their desks. At the sight of hers being empty and he had no idea if she would ever occupy it again, his throat locked around his answer. He could only nod before rubbing at his head and eyes.

How was he going to get through this without completely losing his mind? He could already feel his control slipping as his whole body began to lightly quiver. At sharp burn struck his eyes and he couldn't stop feeling like his whole world just came down as a sense of overwhelming grief consumed him.

Burying his face in his hands, he tried to push back the emotions that were brutally attacking his control. He couldn't break down, not here and not with Stabler sitting across from him. After a couple more hours he could go home and self-destruct there. He had to just hang on until then. Taking a couple of deep, sharp breaths, he was able to calm his self down a little.

He suddenly stood and started moving. Moving would help take his mind off the pain that nearly crippling him. Bobby looked at Stabler and ignored the concern on the man's face as he told him, "I-I, um, I'm not gonna drop this," he blatantly told Stabler. "My captain, he-he, uh, he basically gave me permission to continue working this even on my suspension. If...if you don't want to help me, then I'll understand, but...I'd, uh...I would...appreciate it. The help, I mean."

Stabler was quiet as he continued to watch him pacing the floor. When Bobby stopped and leaned over the table toward him, he nodded. "I think that'd be best. The Feds are going to try and pin this on you. They're already trying to get anything on you that they can."

Bobby looked out into the squad room where some agents had gathered after talking with Deakins. "Let 'em look. There's nothing on me, not even a damn parking ticket."

Stabler chuckled a little as he said, "I'm not surprised. Were you a boy-scout?"

Bobby frowned at Stabler as he shook his head. "You really don't know me if you think I've even come close to being a boy scout. My girlfriend's my senior partner, what does that tell you?"

"Besides the fact that I owe Liv twenty bucks?"

Bobby had to smile at that, but only a little. Straightening, he stared out at the FBI agents as they started toward the conference room. "It's time to face the Calvary."

Stabler got up as he told him, "I hope you're wearing body armor."

"Left it at home with my gun," he bitterly told Stabler.

The SVU detective smiled slightly as he opened the door and went to leave. "Good luck, and I'll get a hold of you about that, uh..." he trailed off as an agent stopped in front of him. "That thing."

Bobby nodded as he slightly waved 'bye' as the he watched as four agents gathered into the room. How many FBI Agents did it take to conduct an interview? Pulling out the chair, he sat down and waited for what he already knew was coming, He could already feel the flames surrounding him as one of the agents sat across from him and smiled.

Let the inquisition begin.

"Detective Goren," the agent asked. "You're sleeping with your partner, is that correct?"

This guy didn't beat around the bush. Bobby eyed him before asking, "What's your name?"

"Agent Parsons," he answered.

Bobby nodded a little. "Parsons." He heard the agent correct him, telling him to address him with the title of 'Agent', but he ignored it and continued, "You can skip the bullshit." His patients had completely dissolved and all he wanted to do was go home. "I know what's going on. I'm now your main suspect. You're going to be investigating and watching me while the real killer is out there doing God knows what to the woman that is not only my partner at work by my partner in my private life as well."

"You're denying having anything to do with her kidnapping?"

"I wasn't there, that's the only thing I did wrong that caused her to be taken. And I'm going to carry that guilt around with me for the rest of my life. There is nothing you can do to get me to admit otherwise because there is nothing else for me to admit too. Pull my phone records, look at my e-mails, search my house, car, my friend's house, their cars, my desk...do whatever you want. I'm telling you right here and now you're not going to find a damn thing to link me to any of these murders or to Eames kidnapping. I have an alibi for this evening and all the other evenings."

"You have a partner," Parsons told him matter-of-factly.

Bobby stared at the agent for a moment before he actually started to laugh. "All-all you have going for you is a-a, ah, a lack-luster theory that I have a partner?" He glanced around at the agents and shook his head. "You have non-existent evidence with air-tight alibis...and you're going with a theory with no substance to back it up. The only reason you're traveling down this road is because you have an hard-on for me."

Parsons grew red as he stood suddenly and leaned over the table at him. "I'll watch it if I were you, Detective."

Bobby grinned up at the guy as he stood. "I know my rights, and since I'm not under arrest, 'm leaving. If you have anymore questions, you can ask me while you're tearing my house apart."

He left the conference room and stalked off to Deakins office. His captain was getting ready to leave and had just turned the light off in the office as he approached. "Well?"

Deakins closed but didn't lock the door. He never bothered to. "Don't you ever hate being right? I called the Chief and explained everything. You will be suspended until you are cleared, or until the case is solved."

"That could be months. Will I still be paid?"

Deakins nodded. "Unless the Chief is given reason that you may be guilty. Anyway, I already have your shield. You need to bring your gun in and lock it up ASAP. As for the relationship, I told the Chief that I had known about from the very beginning and that as long as everything during working hours stayed professional...there would be no reason for me to report it."

Bobby was taken back by not only the lie his captain told the Chief, but by the fact that he had literally thrown himself under the bus for them. "Captain, you...you didn't have to do that. I'll take full responsibility--"

"Bobby, enough. I did what I had to do to protect you and Eames. I was there when you went missing, remember. I saw how she fell apart, and, I also saw how whole again she was after your return. Now, the last thing both of you need is to worry about your jobs once this is over and Eames is back here safe and sound."

He didn't know what to say to that, so Bobby just asked, "What'd the Chief say to that?"

"That I'm an idiot," he said with a slight smile as he started for the elevators. "A department hearing will be scheduled in the coming weeks, and it'll be noted in my jacket that I went against department regulations." Deakins stopped at his desk and allowed him time to gather up his notes and files for the case and shoving them into his binder. "He was still pissed of course, and you and Eames might have more suspension time coming, but...I don't think he's stupid enough to break you two up. If this can be kept out of the media and out of the department political circle, he might just over look it. Once it gets known, he'll have to act on it."

Bobby was surprised to hear that; he usually expected the worst, and this had been no exception. "Then, let's hope the Feds can keep their mouths shut and that there isn't a leak in the department."

"One can hope. Come on, I'll follow you home."

Special Victims Unit

Elliot had gotten little sleep since leaving the Major Case Squad seven hours ago. He had tried getting some rest at home but the silence in the big empty house was too much for him. Since he and his wife had separated, he had been having trouble staying at home. He was missing the noise and the company of his family.

So, he had gone to the department and bunked out in the 'crib' only to have the Captain wake him up a couple of hours after he'd fallen asleep. After spending an hour taking to a girl who claimed rape against her uncle only to recant her story, he and Olivia returned to the department in time for lunch.

He was tempted to call Goren and see how he was holding up which was stupid seeing how the big detective was nowhere close to being okay. Plus, it wasn't like he and Goren were friends. The other detective would probably hang up on him anyway and not have anything to do with him.

Turning back to the case at hand, Elliot dove right into the new evidence they had received over the weekend. They had the completed list of all the people in New York who had purchased the Spyderco Civilian knife since it became available in 1992. It was a long list and over half were cops or worked security.

It took some time, but he feed the names into the computer and was cross referencing those with all the people who had a membership to the NYC Gym in the entire five boroughs when Olivia collapsed into the chair across from him. "This case is driving me crazy. The only two things that are certain is the gym and the knife."

"Speaking of the gym and the knife," Elliot said as he sat leaned back in his chair as he crossed his hands behind his head. "I took a closer look at the photos from all the victims; not all the wounds match the Civilian."

"Well, I'm not surprised; the Civilian wasn't made available until '92."

Stabler smiled smugly as he told her, "Yeah, but even the victims after that weren't a match. There have only been three victims who that knife was used on."

Olivia leaned on her desk as she eyed him. "Let me guess, the most recent three?"

Stabler held up the list they had of all the people who had ordered the knife since 1992. "There are only fifty people on this list that had purchased the knife within the last year. We're taking the first twenty-five, and let the Feds fight over the rest," he said as he marked the five for the FBI to track down before he called up the Manhattan FBI field office and got their fax number.

"How many are cops?" Olivia asked as he headed over the fax machine to fax the list of potential suspects.

Stabler's grin grew a little bit bigger as he told her, "Twelve, and they're all in our group. Oh, and I'm cross-referencing them with all the gym's memberships in all five boroughs and see who out of the twenty-five come up."

"You actually think the Feds will even look into those twenty-five suspects?"

Elliot shook his head. "No, that's why I was going to also give the list to Fin and Munch." He looked over at their vacated desks. "They must still be at lunch."

"Speaking of which, come on, lets grab something while we wait for the results."

They ended up at a corner diner and as soon as they walked in, Elliot spotted Fin and Munch sitting in a booth in the far corner.

"So, this is where you two have been hiding out," Olivia teased them as she sat next to Munch.

"We're discussing our case over good coffee and an FBI-free environment."

Elliot slid in beside Fin as he told Munch, "You don't have to worry 'bout the FBI any longer, they went back to their office early this morning and my guess is they're not coming back."

Fin looked over at him asking, "Are they actually pursuing Goren for this?"

"Looks that way," he told him.

"Bastards. This psycho takes his partner and now he has to be harassed by the FBI. That ain't right."

Elliot looked to his partner as they exchanged knowing looks. At the moment, only the two of them knew that Bobby and Alex were more than just partners. "Then let's make this as painless as possible for him by finding the guy." He pulled out the list of potential suspects and handed it to Fin. "Here, the last twenty-five, I need you and Munch to find out all you can about them. Also, I'm running the names against memberships to all the NYC Gyms; hopefully that'll narrow the list down a little."

"Cool." Fin looked over the list briefly before handing it to Munch. "We'll get right on it as soon as we finish the paperwork for our last case. The Cap is ready to threaten us with overtime and no weekends if we don't have it on his desk this afternoon."

Munch folded and put the list in his pocket as he told him, "You might want to run this list by Goren and see if he recognizes any of the names."

Elliot had thought of that, but he was extremely apprehensive about seeing Goren, especially with knowing how much grief and anger the man was experiencing. "I'll wait until we can shorten the list before I do that."

"I can do it," Fin offered. "He knows me, and he has no reason to be on his guard with me."

He didn't miss the way Fin looked in his direction when he said that last part. Elliot knew that he and Goren had their difference and for some reason that fueled their hostility toward each other. However, he was never the type to back away from hostility, and, if he was being completely honest with himself, he wanted to make sure that Goren wasn't losing it. "No," he said as he turned to face Fin. "I'll do it."

"You sure? Bobby can be...difficult."

Elliot couldn't help but smile at that. "I'll be fine. I'm used to difficult, I'm married."

Bobby Goren's Apartment

His nerves were shot. There had been no time for sleep or for the breakdown he thought had been coming since he found Alex missing. As soon as he left the department with Deakins to go home, he had shut down the part of him that was exhausted and scared and focused all his energy on finding Alex.

He had noticed some things that he hadn't before. The knife wounds had changed throughout the thirty year time span, but also that the only victims that the Civilian was used on were the last three. All those women had been murdered in the last year. Also, they were the only three women who had ligature marks on their necks. With the first victim, the marks had been faint and only penetrating the front of the neck, like whatever the object was that had been used was being pulled against her neck from behind and then it stopped. It could have broke if it had been a necklace or a weak string.

What struck him the most was that those were the only variations to the previous M.O. It was odd that the killer decided to change his process with these three women. Why use a different kind of knife after using the same type all the other times? And then why suddenly did he want to strangle them first? He never strangled the any of the other victims. To him, it didn't make sense. Serial killers, once they found what worked for them, they stuck with it. It was part of their whole ritual and methodology. The smells, the tools used, the look of the victim, all of it served a purpose and gave them the greatest pleasure.

Why did his pleasure and his purpose change, and change that quickly?

Bobby rubbed at his head and leaned back in the chair. It was dark outside his window; he had been up all day again and it was now night time and he was beyond tired. His body felt drained of life as his head pounded furiously against his temples. The thought of one last cup of coffee made his stomach turn. If he smelt coffee just then he would probably get sick.

Getting up, he slowly made his way out the kitchen and down the hall. Looking into his room and at his big comfortable bed, he felt the familiar burn at his eyes. He was missing her terribly and it was sickening to think about her not coming back.

What would he do? How would he go on?

All those thoughts and more assaulted his scared mind as he shifted off the doorframe and eased up to the bed. It wasn't the thought of sleep that urged him to the bed, but her scent. He crawled onto the bed and breathed in her smell on the pillow as he gripped it so hard to his chest and finally his body gave up. He fell on against the bed, her pillow clenched to him, as his body shook with pent up grief.

Bobby wasn't sure how long he laid there, but the sound of knocking on his door brought him out of his misery. It took him a moment to pry himself away from one of the few things he had of her in his apartment to answer his door. The knocking was coming from his front door, and that worried him.

He turned the locks and barely opened the door. The man he saw there stunned him; it wasn't who he was expecting at all. Bobby didn't move to let him in until he heard his voice.

"I know it's late," Stabler tried to sound apologetic, but it wasn't something that fit the tough detective well. "Can I come in?"

Bobby was confused at why Stabler was there and as soon as his foggy tired brain woke up, he was in a near panic. "What happened? Did...Has she--"

Stabler held up his hands and pushed him against the chest and Bobby realized that he was towering over the man. "Whoa, calm down, Goren."

Bobby stiffened at the contact before looking anxiously around the street. He didn't see any cop cars around.

"We still haven't found her," Stabler was telling him. "Look, I came by to talk to you, that's all."

Bobby finally felt himself relax as he realized that Stabler wasn't there give him bad news. Then he was once again hit by the pain that they still didn't know anything and that Alex was still missing. It hadn't even been a full twenty-four hours yet and he was fearing the worst.

Soon, they would only have four days to find her before...

"Goren, please, back up, go inside, and let me get you some water or something. Kay?"

Bobby blinked down at Stabler in a light daze. He was starting to freak his own self out. "Yeah, okay." He led the other detective into his house and shut and locked the door behind them.

"The Feds been here yet?"

Bobby nodded as he pointed to the entryway to the kitchen. "They looked around, but..." he trailed off, leaving it at that. He had told Stabler that they wouldn't find anything. "Wanna beer?"

"Sure, I'm off duty."

Bobby grabbed two from the refrigerator and handed one to Stabler before he sat down at the table. It was scattered with notes, photos, and files from the case; he even had some on the floor because his table wasn't big enough.

"I see you've been keeping yourself busy."

Bobby rubbed at his tired eyes at were bloodshot before glaring up at Stabler. "What'd you want?"

Stabler pulled out a sheet of paper and handed it to him. "We have a list of suspects. I want to know if you recognize anyone."

He eyed the paper Stabler was holding out for him before he tentatively took it. "The knife, it's different," Bobby announced. "And, the, um...The strangulation it's a new thing...that, he does."

Stabler sat down across from him and eyed the photos. "I figured out that the knife was different this afternoon. As for the strangulation, since we don't have all the photos of the older victims, I wasn't going to rule it as something new. Maybe he had done it early on, as a kid, and then changed when he got older."

"And now, something uh...sparked that behavior in him again? Maybe...maybe something or someone reminded him of it and he started, um...craving it again."

"Maybe you," Stabler said before he took a drink.

Bobby looked up at him from where he was staring at the photos on the table. "Me?"

Stabler nodded. "Yeah. Seeing you, and knowing who you are, reminded the guy of his past killings. He wanted that connection back."

"He wants to relive the first murder over again?" Bobby had to admit, it fit, almost. "I...uh, I'm gonna have to think about that after I've slept for a few hours."

Stabler chuckled as he stood and ventured around the kitchen and then disappeared into the darkness of the house.

Bobby figured the list as he took a few drinks of the beer. Taking a breath, he unfolded the sheet and looked over the names as he searched for any connection he had with any of them. By the time Stabler came back into the kitchen, he had finished. "Three. Cliff Anderson, he worked in Narcotics the first year I was there before he transferred out to homicide. I knew a Cory Limbaugh who was, um...a bookie, long ago. I don't know if it's the same guy."

"And the last guy?"

Bobby tossed the sheet on the table as he said, "Blake Stone. He's a detective with the Major Case Squad."

TBC...