Chapter 10

Bella's POV

"Dreaming or awake, we perceive only events that have meaning to us." -Jane Roberts

Edward is all laughs with a beautiful blond girl; I feel my eyes filling with tears. That explains it all, his disappearance, his lack of attention and affection. Of course, what was I thinking? I was a fool for thinking Edward could love me. It was impossible that a guy like him would fall in love with a girl like me. We're two complete opposites, he's the day and I'm the night. It would have never worked. I feel betrayed, I feel numb; I start walking away not bothering with cleaning the food I left behind. My appetite's lost.

It wasn't easy to drive with soaking eyes and a wounded heart but I managed to get to my house. I head to my room and lock the door. I curled up in my bed crying. I haven't cried like this in ages. It feels good to let it all out, but crying is not helping. I take a bath; the smell of jasmine and cherries is reassuring. I close my eyes; the foam around my body makes me think I'm lying on clouds. It's calming and peaceful, I could stay like this forever. I see images of people twirling around me, faces that I recognized easily, my grandparents, teachers, classmates, neighbors then I new set of faces fill my mind they're perfect, flawless, beautiful; the Cullen family. Edward's is the last that I see before falling into nothingness. What was calming and peaceful is now turbulent and painful, I feel cold stakes lancing through my body. Can someone make this stop?

I'm awake by the beeping of machines near me. I don't understand what's going on, I don't remember what happened. I open my eyes and find myself surrounded by machines and tubes. This is definitely not heaven. My head feels fluffy; my throat hurts and feels stiff. I try to speak and realized a tube is located in my mouth down my throat. I feel desperate; I try to move but realized my hands are trapped to the bed. It doesn't make sense, why would they do that? It's not like I'd committed a crime, I don't even know why I'm here. I try to remember what happened. Think Bella, think harder. The last thing I remembered is being in the bathtub grazing my skin with a sponge. From my experience of watching medical shows, I know there's a button near the patient's hand to call for assistance. I try to look for it, but it's hard to move my neck with the tube in my throat, so I just brush my fingers on the bed until I find what I was looking for. I click it twice; nothing happens. I count to ten and click it again and still no answer. Maybe is broken. Suddenly a nurse enters the room and look at me with concerned eyes. She calls my name and tells me she will page the doctor.

The doctor arrived to the room and checked my vitals; he even lit my eyes with a flashlight. I just blinked one time for yes and twice for no. He told me they had to stuck a tube down my throat to help me breathe; he said he will do some tests to check if I was able to breathe on my own, he didn't use those exact words, but that's what I understood. There are so many questions that I want to ask, but I am unable to speak, I feel trap on my body. I guess I started panicking because the machines are beeping faster and faster. Doctor Paul Lahote, as I later found out was his name, tells me to relax and calm down. How can he expect me to relax if I am unable to communicate with him! He gives the nurse instructions and she goes out of the room hastily. Seconds later she appears in the room and handles a vial and a syringe to the doctor, he takes them and passes the liquid to the syringe then to the IV down my arm. I start to feel bubbly and my eyelids seem to weight a ton, I try to fight the anesthesia but I fail miserably.

I don't know how many hours have passed, but the orangey tones on my window tell me the sun is saying good-bye to the day. I hear some voices on the corridor next to my room, they are familiar voices.

-Is she awake doctor? – That's my mom, she sounds concerned-

-She will be in a couple of minutes; I had to sedate her to calm her down.

-Does she know what happened? Is she able to breathe on her own? –My dad sounds more concerned than my mother.

-She will get better; we have to run some tests to see if she can be unplugged from the ventilator. –What does that mean? I can breathe on my own, right?

I hear someone opening the door, I close my eyes. I cannot bear to see my parents, not until I know what exactly happened to me.

-Oh, Bella! Sweetheart –my mom can't handle it and she starts to cry. I feel a nudge on my heart, she doesn't break easily; I must look worse than what I imagined. She continues to speak –When are you going to unbind her? Is it really necessary?

-Renée –My dad cuts in- The doctor already explained us, she has to be restrained until she speaks to a shrink, and she has a lot explaining to do.

-You can't really believe what they say, she couldn't… -My mom starts to sob

-You saw her Renée; if we had arrived any later she would have…

-Stop Charlie! Don't say it. –The pain in my mom's voice is tangible. I can't make sense of what they're saying, it doesn't compute, what is going on?

- I'm sorry Doctor Lahote, the chief is expecting you in his office. –That must have to be the nurse.

-I'll be right there Ann. Mr. and Mrs. Swan I have to go for now, page me if you need anything.

-We will, thank you doctor. The doctor leaves the room.

My parents stay in the room, my dad seems to be walking in circles; his heavy steps give him away. A ring startles him. My mom talks now –It's that Cullen boy again, what should I tell him? He's been calling every hour checking on Bella. He'll worry if I don't answer him.

-I didn't even know that Bella had other friends than her high school friends.

- He's from her class, he's new though.

-I know. They're new in town, I don't trust him Renée. –The phone stops ringing. Problem solved, he'll become desperate soon enough or he'll finally understand we don't want to speak to him.

How did Edward get my mom's cell phone number? Does he know I'm in the hospital? Why does he care? He seemed happy with that girl at the mall. Tears threaten to fall down my cheeks. Mom seems to realize that and caresses my cheeks. –Sweetheart, are you in pain? Charlie, she's crying, call the doctor.

Dad goes out the room, I open my eyes and regret it immediately, my mom is crying, she has dark circles around her eyes, either she hasn't sleep a lot or she has been crying or both.

"It's alright sweetheart, the doctor we'll be right here." She thinks I'm crying because I'm in pain, but the truth is I'm crying because of Edward, my heart aches every time I think of him.

The doctor enters the room and asks my parents to step back, the nurse gets in with some instruments. Doctor Lahote tells me he's going to remove the ventilator and that I need to cough. I do it and immediately feel the familiar emptiness in my throat. I'm advised to not try to speak yet as my vocal cords may be swollen. The nurse holds an ice cube on my lips she tells me to swallow the liquid, it feels good.

Night has come and I recall all the events of the day in my head, it feels bizarre to be experiencing all these moments. My parents' look of relief when the doctor told them I'll have a complete recovery. The amazing sensation of breathing, I will never take it for granted.

I found out that I have been in the hospital for one day; I still don't remember how I got here, but one thing is certain now, they think I tried to kill myself, but this time I didn't try to end my life, did I? The last thing I remember is being in the bathtub and then closing my eyes seeing all the familiar faces in my head. I'm still tied to the bed, they won't release me until I convince them that I really didn't try to kill myself, it was an accident. Is that why Edward's been calling my mom, does he think I try to kill myself? And what worries me the most is that if Edward knows what happened to me, does it mean the entire school knows it too?

I'm being released of the hospital after four days of therapy, psychoanalysis and the constant nagging of my parents; at least their stress has eased in the last two days. My room is full of balloons and cards, flowers are not allowed. I haven't had time to find out who sent them; the nurse has been thoughtful and packed the cards so I could read them on my way home. I feel guilty of not remembering her name.

I can't believe how young Doctor Lahote really is, and on the last days I have realized how handsome he is, his light caramel skin, his dark brown eyes surrounded by thick eyelashes, the blush on his cheeks every time he got near me, his toned body… I'm carried away every time I think of him. He's so playful and makes me smile, being with him makes me forget about the days to come; they're going to be hard, I'll have to give a lot explanations to everybody especially Jessica, she always want to find out about everything.

I'm forced to leave my room in a wheelchair, but on the good side Doctor Lahote is the one pushing me, he's so gentile and he offers to carry me to the car, but I tell him I can walk, so he offers me his arm and I hold tight to him, we say good-bye and he brushes his arm down my spine. I blush immediately, but when we break apart I see him blushing too.

We got home and had lunch together. Both of my parents took days off while I was hospitalized. They are being very attentive and caring, a part of me is waiting for them to become rude at any point, but another part hopes they won't. I'm in my bed checking the cards. They're from different people, relatives I barely see, neighbors, classmates. They all wish me to recover soon. Angela's card is touching; I couldn't have expected less from her as she's my closest yet distant friend. We're not that attached to each other as other BFF's. I guess we have been friend for a long time because we don't hover. Jessica's card seems to be a carbon copy of a Hallmark get well card; we're not that close after all. At the end of the bag there's a small purple box, I don't remember seen it before. I open it and find a pair of crystal droplets earrings. They are beautiful and simple, I try to find a card, something that tells me who sent them, but the only letters I can read are "E.M." I don't know someone with those initials. At first I thought it was a mistake, but on the back of the box I found a paper that says my name handwritten in an old fashion way. I'm taken out of my reverie when I heard Charlie yelling downstairs, I hurry to see what the matter is and freeze as I recognize the person standing in front of my father.

A/N: Thank you for reading. Hope to hear from you.

Thanks to the beta for this chapter Chase Corin, thanks for your help.