A/N - Well, I actually managed to get a chapter done before Christmas. It was touch and go for a while there, but both my protagonists insisted I at least post this before the holiday, so if I don't manage to post anything before the weekend, Merry Christmas to everyone. Hope this chapter is enjoyed by all.

Disclaimer - See Chapter 1 if necessary.

Rachel waited patiently around the corner from Mike's locker as the tall Asian boy finished his conversation with Sam. She wasn't entirely sure how she was going to convince him to give her what she needed, but she still had to try. Santana had obviously been completely devastated about how she poorly she had ended relations between her and Matt, and Rachel was positive if she could somehow just get them talking to each other, then they could somehow reconcile things. If all went according to plan, maybe more than reconciliation would occur, but she'd be happy just know her fellow gleek was able to resolve her feelings.

Upon seeing Sam leave to head for Quinn's locker, Rachel took the opportunity to step forward into Mike's line of sight. "Hi, Mike."

Mike turned his head away from the top shelf of his locker to see the tiny brunette standing beside him. He smiled genuinely. "Hey, Rachel, what up? Finn and you sort things out, finally?"

Rachel nodded. "Oh, yes. You know us; we can't stay mad at each other for very long. But I actually need to ask you for a favour."

Mike seemed surprised by her admission, so he turned to face her fully. "Sure, okay. What is it?"

Push through the nerves! Push through the nerves! Rachel reminded herself. Biting the inside of her lip, she looked around the halls quickly to see if Santana, Quinn or Brittany were nearby, because if so she was sure this would all backfire faster than an old Ford Pinto. Leaning in a bit, she held her voice low so only Mike could hear what she said. "Do you happen to have Matt's new cell phone number or email, by any chance?"

Mike's eyes widened in surprise her request. "Uh, yeah, sure I do. Just spoke to him this weekend actually. He's doing good at the new school and got a job teaching dance to kids three times a week. Why would you need his contact info? No offense, but you two never seemed super close or anything."

Rachel closed her eyes briefly and blew out a breath. It was true that she had never been great friends with Matt, or even tried to be, a fact which she regretted when she learned he had moved away, but at that point in her life everything was divided into two categories; glee and Finn / Jesse / Finn again; frankly she was surprised she even remembered her fathers' names. "I'll be honest, it's not really for me."

Tucking his books under his left arm, Mike used his free hand to pull out his cell phone and scroll through his contacts list. "Finn need to get a hold of him for something?"

"No." Rachel inhaled quickly, summoning the courage to say what was next, and then rushed through with her words. "It's for Santana."

Mike's response to that last sentence was automatic, and his face contorted instantly from amiable friendliness to almost complete outrage. "No!" Mike uttered angrily, shoving his phone back into his pocket, slamming his locker shut and walking away. "No, no, no, and fuck no!I'm not handing anything about Matt over to that witch."

Rachel expected some kind of resistance from him, but the vehemence with which he spoke of Santana completely shocked her. She quickened her pace to keep up with his longer strides. "Mike, please. She's really hurting over this."

Mike rounded on her, face flat with anger and eyes filled with rage. "You think she's hurting over it? Do you have any idea how much fuckin' nursing I had to do with Matt? He almost gave up on everything he had at that time! He didn't even care about his grades or sports that winter, and he was this close to quitting Glee right after it happened." Mike held his thumb and index finger apart only a fraction of an inch to indicate how close it was.

"I know things didn't end well, but-"

"Didn't end well? That's a fucking understatement!" Mike interrupted her with steel in his voice. "Rachel, Matt was practically obliterated when she blew him off. He'd been in love with her since the seventh grade. He' been her friend and pretended to never want anything more for three years until he finally got a clue that she wanted to date. They didn't even get into a fight the entire time they were together. And then in February that year, she just one day walks over to his house and in front of his little sister announces that she has bigger and better opportunities waiting for her and can't be bothered with a dumb jock like him anymore. He begged her to explain what she meant. He thought maybe she'd been accepted into some cheerleading program out of state or something and didn't want to do long distance. Then one day Brittany saunters by and drops the bomb on both of us that Lopez banged Finn and was the new Cheerleading Captain. That was Santana's definition of 'better opportunities'; jumping from one jock to another simply because the new one was the quarterback. And she didn't even date Finn. She dropped a four month relationship for a one night stand, just to improve her social status. It was borderline abusive." Mike blew out a breath and rubbed a hand through his hair. His voice came down a notch in volume when he next spoke. "Santana played him, Rachel. Just like a marionette; she pulled every single one of his strings and when she got bored, she cut them all free from her fingers and let him slump like a ragdoll." Mike shook his head again. "If you think for one minute I'm going to let her have Matt's contact info so she can do it again, you're out of your mind."

Rachel was stunned at the monologue Mike had just given her. She didn't think she had ever heard him say more than a few sentences together at one time, and Santana obviously wasn't kidding when she had mentioned that Mike could barely tolerate her. But Mike also didn't have all the facts, like how Santana was so terrified of the passionate feelings Matt evoked in her that she had reacted the only way she knew how; escape. Swallowing a breath, Rachel continued. "Santana knows she didn't respond properly to him, Mike. She's just trying to make things right. Find closure, all that jazz?"

"Really? Then why the hell isn't she here asking for Matt's info?"

"Maybe because she was afraid you'd react exactly like this?"

Just then the bell rang signaling the next class was about to begin, causing Mike to look at his watch. "Look, I have class on the other side of the building. I gotta go." He turned and jogged off in the direction of his classroom.

Rachel frowned at Mike's retreating figure before turning to get to her own class, her mind sifting through everything he had just revealed. True, most of what Mike had said she had been able to discern from Santana's revelations in the bathroom the day before, but she had no idea Santana had been quite that cruel about the breakup, nor had she known of Matt's long-standing crush on Santana. It did seem, however, like both parties were terribly hurt in the process, which in her mind just wasn't an acceptable way to keep things going. Maybe this won't be quite as simple as I thought. Rachel silently said to herself. But to quote my boyfriend, 'I don't give up that easy.' Smiling slightly and squaring her shoulders, she resolved to follow through with her self-imposed mission, no matter how long it might take.

XXXXX

"I have to admit I'm surprised you didn't find a suitable song on Rachel's IPad playlist." Artie said as he wheeled himself over to the vast array of CDs and sheet music he had on large bookcase in his bedroom while Finn sat on his bed, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees. Finn had enlisted Artie and his immense musical knowledge to help him find a decent song since all of Rachel's suggestions had either been sappy love songs, sweeping show tunes or stuff that was just off-the-wall bizarre.

"Well, you know Rachel. Every song she sings has to do with romance or true love or something. I don't really feel comfortable singing a song like that at an occasion like this," Finn suddenly turned to his right, "and stop laughing! It's annoying as fuck!" To his right sat Puck at Artie's desk, wiping his eyes in mirth as he continued to giggle like a schoolboy who'd just successfully put a tack on the teacher's chair. Come to think of it, that's exactly how Puck sounded when at the age of ten he did put a tack on the teacher's chair. It was just his luck that Puck had to be at Artie's for geometry tutoring the same time Finn came over to talk about music selections.

"No way I'm gonna stop laughing 'bout this one, Fimbecile!" Puck retorted while maintaining his shit-eating grin. "God, I knew you were whipped, but this goes straight into the fucking 'chopped and blended' category. Agreeing to be in a fucking bachelor auction for a gay rights charity?"

Artie looked bemusedly at Puck. "Given your reputation, I'm surprised you didn't call Rachel and ask to be included on the roster yourself."

Puck glared at him, pointing his pencil at the wheel-chair clad boy. "Listen here, NASCAR," Puck addressed him with the nickname he had given Artie due to his wheelchair, "you of all people should know that The Puckasaurus only has eyes for the ladies."

"Is that what you call them?" Finn commented wryly. "Does that help you forget that most of them are twenty years older than you are?"

"That's rich coming from a guy who's been dating the same girl for two years without taking ole 'One-Eye' to the optometrist. "

Artie turned on Puck and penetrated him with a glare. "Head down and finish that geometry worksheet, unless you want to be devoured by 'The Beiste' when your grade point average plummets and you're kicked off the basketball team."

Puck scowled, but complied and grabbed a compass and protractor, setting to work on his notebook. Turning back to Finn, Artie rifled through his sheet music again, frowning slightly. "Well, I can think of two songs right off the bat that might suit your requirements. Mack the Knife was a very popular big band song by Bobby Darrin which has nothing to do with love, or you could consider My Way by Frank Sinatra."

"I thought that was Elvis?" Finn looked up in surprise.

"He covered it. Much of Elvis's repertoire was actually covers of other people's songs. Just like a lot of the early Beatles stuff were covers. In fact, a lot of the songs we hear on Top 40 are covers of songs originally done in the 70's and 80's." Artie blew out his breath and shook his head as he finished scanning his other music. "The rest of my sheet music is either love songs or instrumental arrangements, unless you want to drum instead. I think I have Sing Sing Sing in here somewhere."

"But then everyone will compare me to Gene Krupa. I'm good, but not that good." Finn sighed and rested his head on his hand, racking his brain for another solution to his dilemma. He wasn't the biggest fan of Sinatra, and though he used to like Mack the Knife as a song, Rachel had killed any joy he had for it by explaining in unending detail how it had originally been part of some famous play called Three Penny Opera back in the 20's (that she could keep so many odd, old and useless facts about music and theatre in that small head of hers never ceased to astound him). "I can't believe I let Rachel rope me into this. I wish I knew big band stuff better, but really, who listens to this stuff anymore other than old people."

"Hey, watch who you're calling old!" Puck spoke up as he traced out an angle calculation on grid paper. "I listen to that stuff all the time with my Mom and neither one of us are old. Well, maybe she is, but not the Puckmeister."

Artie turned his wheelchair around so that it faced his fellow student. "You told me you only listened to it to appease her when she gets upset about something."

"Yeah, well, she gets upset a lot, and usually with me, so I'm listening to it pretty much all the time, now." Puck looked up quickly before returning to punch in some numbers on his calculator. "You think she wants to listen to my shit? That would turn off anyone over twenty-five."

Artie shrugged. "Big bands nowadays often compile arrangements of more modern songs to intersperse in their sets. The last big band I saw at the Jazz Cafe had a rendition of No More Tears."

Puck noticeably cringed even as he continued on his worksheet. "Adding horns to an Ozzy song? That's just offensive, dude. And I wouldn't call a twenty year old song modern."

Finn's eyes tuned out the rest of the conversation Puck and Artie were having as an idea struck him like a bolt of lightning. Turn people off! Offensive! THAT'S IT! Just like the duets competition last year! "Hmmm, maybe I don't have to limit myself to big band standards. Maybe I can make my choice of song work in my favour for a change." Finn half-smiled smugly to himself as he pulled out his IPod and began scanning his playlist for the song that came to mind.

Puck and Artie exchanged confused glances before they both turned towards him. "What exactly were you thinking, Finn?" Artie asked cautiously.

Finn continued to scroll down the list on his IPod and until he found what he considered to be the perfect song for his 'assignment'. He turned the music player around to Artie. "This one."

Hesitantly, Artie took Finn's IPod and looked at the screen before his jaw dropped of its own accord. "Finn, you can't be serious. No! You cannot do that one; not given the crowd you'll have. You'll be crucified and smacked down by the Hand of God. And worse, no one will want to bid on you!"

"That's the idea!" Finn practically bubbled with excitement. "Rather than bail on Rachel and her dads completely, I just sing this song and then won't have to go through with the actual date part of the night. I can say I tried my best and it's not my fault that no one decided to pony up and have the good looking quarterback as their escort."

Curiosity getting the better of him, Puck reached over from Artie's desk and snatched the IPod so he could study the screen, and then started howling with laughter. "Finn, that's fucking brilliant! Offend everyone in the room, no one bids on you, and instead of having to look like Rachel's whipping boy, you get to relax by yourself and have a free meal! Fuck, pull this off and you are the man!" He and Finn high fived each other above Artie even as Artie groaned and put his head in his hand.

"You mean the DEAD man, don't you?" Artie asked. "When word gets back 'round to Rachel, she'll want to remove Finn's manhood with a chainsaw."

Puck shrugged. "Given what Finn's agreed to do for her, I'd say Rachel already has his manhood tucked away in her purse somewhere. OW!" Puck grimaced as Finn's fist connected solidly with his shoulder. "Ass-Wipe!"

Artie shook his head. "Her fathers are still going to be there even if she's not. They'll never be impressed by this."

Finn scratched the stubble on his chin (Damnit, already? Didn't I just shave yesterday?) while thinking about the issue Artie had raised. How would he get around the issue of Rachel's dads, and more importantly, Rachel herself finding out about this scheme? Puck and Artie waited patiently for him to give an answer, but try as he might, he couldn't come up with a reasonable solution. He knew he wasn't always quick on the uptake when it came to-...Oh wow! That's the answer! Right in front of me! YES! Smiling, he turned to Artie and Puck. "I don't have to come up with a reason or excuse for them. That's what's so awesome."

Again, Puck and Artie exchanged a glance indicating neither of them had any idea what Finn was talking about. "Okay, let me get this straight." Artie said, massaging his temples. "You're going to purposefully jeopardize your own chances of attracting a bid at the auction, and you won't have to explain that to Rachel or her fathers?"

Finn's smile grew even wider. "Exactly! See, everyone who knows me already thinks and accepts that I'm not the smartest guy out there, so how's one more dumb decision gonna change that? But this time, I'm using what people think of me to my advantage. I can pretend to be all confused about why this would offend people in the first place, and Rachel and her Dads and everyone else will just chalk it up to another one of 'Finn's poor choices'. It's foolproof."

Artie and Puck looked at each other, stunned and with genuine admiration in their faces. "Dude," Artie spoke first. "You just had an epiphany! A real, honest-to-God epiphany. That's fantastic! I feel so privileged to witness such a monumental event."

Puck, for his part, mimicked wiping his eyes free of tears. "I always knew this day would come." He spoke with mock sadness. "The day when Finn would realize he could use his powers for completely evil purposes. I couldn't be more proud."

Finn and Artie laughed genuinely at that before Finn turned to Artie. "So what do you think? Could you get a big band arrangement of that song done in time?"

"It all be easy as pie, yo!" Artie responded in his bad gangster talk accent, bumping fists with the quarterback. "The song has a simple melody line that will easily translate to a horn section. After that I'll just adjust some of the rhythm and bass parts, and everything will fall into place. You couldn't pick a better song for this even if you wanted!"

Finn grinned again as he high fived his two friends. Deliberately sabotaging his own odds at the bachelor auction would ensure a normal evening party of eating and mingling instead of being at the beck and call of some other person. Sure, he was almost always at Rachel's beck and call, but that was Rachel; he didn't want it to be some dude who would probably give him the lustful eye all night. Now he didn't have to worry; with this plan in place, he would purposely offend everyone in the room, be shunned all night, and then just bask in his time alone with free food and drink. And he could just pretend that he wouldn't understand why it would offend people; after all, how many times had someone mentioned that he wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed?

Yep, it was foolproof.

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