CHAPTER TEN

Kayla and Teagan lay in bed together, enjoying the warm afterglow of their love-making. After their engagement was announced, Teagan had all of Kayla's things moved to his bed chamber and they had shared a bed every night since. He lay there, stroking her hair, not eager to broach this subject, but knowing he must.

"Alistair arrives tomorrow," he said softly.

"I know," Kayla replied.

"How do you feel about that?"

"Anxious."

Teagan was silent for a minute, then asked, "Is there anything I should know before meeting with him?"

"Well, you know we were lovers for years."

"Yes that I knew."

"We…continued our relationship even after he married Anora. It didn't bother me, at first. The marriage was one of political convenience and I was convinced he loved me, not her."

"If I may ask, if Alistair loved you, why did he not marry you?" he asked gently.

Kayla gave a bitter smile, "I am a mage and Alistair believed the people of Ferelden would not accept a mage as their Queen."

Teagan thought on this. "That might be the thought now, but when you were declared Ferelden's Hero I'm sure Alistair could have married you and the people would have accepted it."

"That was my thought as well, although I'm sure he would have had to battle the Chantry every step of the way."

"A battle worth taking for the one you love, in my opinion."

Kayla smiled, "It's easy to say that when you're not faced with the dilemma. To have someone make a choice between his people and the one he loves, well, I would never place anyone in such a position, especially if I loved him. But I wonder now if Alistair ever truly loved me or if it was just an infatuation. I was his first, you know…and…he was mine."

Teagan was pleased at this revelation; to know that he was only the second…and last…man Kayla had ever been with made him feel honored that she had chosen him. But there was one question he needed to ask her.

"Kayla, why did you leave Denerim?"

She sighed. "There were lots of reasons. Mine and Alistair's relationship was the same until I left for Vigil's Keep. He was kind, caring, gentle and loving. He was still feeling his way as a ruler and was becoming tougher, but the man he was before being crowned King remained. That had changed by the time I returned to Denerim. He had become tough; hard; doing whatever pleased him and not caring who he might hurt in the process. My influence over him had dwindled significantly. He listened to others and they didn't always have the people's best interests at heart."

"Yes, Eamon had written to me about that and stated the worst thing that had happened was sending you away."

Kayla sat up at Teagan's revelation. "He did?"

"Yes," he said. "Anora had convinced Alistair to send you to The Vigil and then she…made changes. Eamon was not always happy with the outcome."

"He never mentioned this to me."

"Anora had people watching him. He thought it was better for him to try and still leverage some influence over Alistair than be dismissed from his post. He wanted to join forces with you, but there was never an opportunity to discuss the matter. Eamon was very frustrated."

Kayla smiled and then returned to Teagan's arms. "Well, that's good to know. But I felt as if I was alone, battling an uphill fight. Alistair's manner was changing both professionally and personally. I began to feel like a…possession…a bauble for his amusement. Our relationship became less loving or at least I felt less loved. I was feeling more like a…a whore…being there at the King's beck and call…performing a service rather than making love. And then there were the rumors and barbs flying around the palace about me. I have always had to deal with such as a mage, but to be constantly bombarded by such hatred on a daily basis was too much."

"Did Alistair know? Did he try to stop it?"

"I'm unsure if he knew, but if he did he did not try to stop it. And then there were changes in protocol at the palace that put me in my place. I was being invited less and less to meetings and my counsel was no longer required as it once had been. I had lost who I was; what I wanted; what I stood for. I was no longer considered the Hero of Ferelden and Counselor to the King but rather the King's plaything. When I realized I hated my life and who I saw in the mirror, I knew I had to leave him…leave Denerim…and find myself…find a new life."

"As much as I am sorry for all of the pain and sorrow you have been through, I am thrilled that you found your way here and into my life. I love you, Kayla and if I ever begin to make you feel that way again, please let me know. I never want you to feel badly about who you are. I love who you are."

"You're different than Alistair, Teagan; much different. I have no doubt about your love for me or your respect for who I am. I have no fear that it will ever change. And my love for you is deeper, stronger, than for any man I have ever known. I love and trust you and feel safe in your arms. You are the man I have been waiting for all my life."

Teagan turned to kiss her, then pushed her back into the pillows. He loved her so very much. They spent the rest of the night making love until, at dawn, they fell asleep.

The next day, Kayla and Teagan performed their duties as normal. It was late afternoon when Alistair arrived with a small contingent of guards. Teagan came into the courtyard to greet him.

"Your Majesty," Teagan said, bowing, as Alistair dismounted from his horse, "it is indeed an honor to have you as our guest. Welcome to Castle Redcliffe."

"Thank you, Arl Teagan. I realize it has been a while since I've visited Redcliffe. I thought that it was high time I did so." Alistair looked around, trying not to be obvious, but Teagan knew he was looking for Kayla.

"You must be exhausted after your journey. Your room is prepared for you, if you would like to change and rest before supper."

"I might like to change and wash the road away, yes, thank you." Alistair joined Teagan and entered the castle. The knights took their leave and the stable hands helped with the horses.

"I understand that congratulations are in order. You are to be married," Alistair said nonchalantly.

"Yes, thank you, Your Majesty," Teagan replied.

"Where is your lovely betrothed?"

Teagan smiled to himself. It didn't take Alistair long to ask after Kayla. "In the village; tending to the people."

"She will be joining us for dinner?"

"Once her duties are finished, yes." Teagan showed Alistair to his room. "I will leave you to change. Please let me know if you need anything."

"Yes, thank you," Alistair replied, gazing about the room. Teagan bowed, then left. The servants brought his belongings and he quickly changed. He had a certain mage to see.

Kayla had just finished seeing her final customer for the day. She was straightening the place, putting things away. But what she really was doing was delaying the inevitable. She did not want to face Alistair. Her only solace was that she would not face him alone. Teagan would be by her side.

The bell rang as the door to the shop opened, then closed. Kayla did not mind another customer to see. She wanted to put off meeting Alistair as long as possible. She came from the back room to greet the newcomer and stopped short.

"Hello Kayla," Alistair said. He still looked as handsome as ever with his short blonde hair and boyish good looks.

"Alistair," Kayla replied when she found her voice.

He smiled and walked over to her, attempting to give her a kiss. She turned her face and presented her cheek to him. He paused, then kissed her cheek. He then reached out and caressed her hair playing with it through his fingers.

"You've let your hair grow. I like it," he said warmly.

"Have you been to the castle? Does Teagan know you're here?" she asked calmly.

"Yes, I've been to the castle. But Teagan does not know I'm here…with you. I wanted to see you, alone; be with you. I have missed you Kayla."

Kayla looked at him and took a step back. "Really," she replied. There was skepticism in her voice.

"Yes, very much," Alistair said, taking her hand in his.

"And how is the Queen? I hope she is well during her pregnancy," Kayla remarked.

Alistair smirked at her comment, but did not let go of her hand. "You know that is a purely political move," he told her. "But she is well."

Kayla hated being this close to him. He could still cause a reaction within her body; her soul. She thought she had put her feelings for him behind her and was unhappy to find she had not. "What do you want, Your Majesty?" she said haughtily.

Alistair took a step closer. "You, Kayla. I want you."

She tried to extricate her hand from his, but he held her tight. "You had me, but you let me go."

"You ran away from me."

"You lost me, Alistair, long before I left."

"I know and I've come to say I'm sorry. I love you, Kayla. Come back to the palace with me."

"To be your mistress again? No," she replied. She pulled her hand away from his and turned her back towards him.

"To be my wife," he said.

Kayla's breath was knocked from her. Those were the last words she had ever expected Alistair to say to her. She turned to face him. "You already have a wife."

"I'll divorce her," he said.

Kayla laughed bitterly, "Oh, yes and how will that go over? Divorcing your pregnant wife for your mistress mage? The people will love you for that. No, Alistair. You had your chance. After the Blight ended, you could have done anything you wished. You could have married me and the people would have rejoiced…the King of Ferelden marries its hero. Even The Chantry would have stepped in line eventually. But you decided our love wasn't worth the risk. Then you allowed Anora to convince you to send me away. When I returned, you had changed. You weren't the same kind, loving man I knew. You were hard, uncaring, unfeeling. Your love wasn't love anymore, it was…control. And I allowed you to control me, but never again, Alistair. I found a man who loves me for who I am; who wants me to be who I am. I found a friend, a partner and a lover…someone I had hoped you would be, but you never were. I love Teagan and he loves me and we are to be married."

"Ahh, yes, the Arl of Redcliffe," Alistair said smugly. "Are you so certain he loves you?"

Kayla straightened and stared at Alistair, "Yes," she said confidently, "and just as important I love him."

Alistair approached her and caressed her cheek. "But I love you, too, Kayla," he said softly. "Will you not come back to Denerim with me?"

"I am going to marry Teagan and there is nothing you can say that will stop me."

Alistair stared into her blue eyes; his finger caressing her cheek; tracing her jaw line. He let out a sigh. "I thought you might feel that way. If you marry Teagan I shall be forced to strip him of his Arldom," he said.

"What?" Kayla replied, not believing her ears. "You're bluffing. You can't do that."

"I can and I will," he assured her.

"You wouldn't! Teagan has been a wonderful Arl! He has made Redcliffe stronger. Redcliffe, Lothering and Rainesfere depend upon him! The people love him!"

"I have the order right here," Alistair said. He pulled it from his pocket and handed it to her to read. "All it needs is my signature and seal."

Kayla read the order. Alistair spoke the truth. She looked at him, devastated. "You claim to love me, yet you would destroy my happiness?"

He took the order from her and returned it to his pocket, then caressed her cheek. "I do love you Kayla. So much that I can't imagine you being with any other man. That is why you either come with me or leave him, not saying anything about your reason for leaving."

"Teagan won't accept that. He will follow me…"

"Then tell him you have been called to Weisshaupt Fortress and do not know when you will return. He will believe that and will let you go."

Kayla stared at him in disbelief. This was not the Alistair she knew. This was someone else entirely. The man she loved was gone. "You spiteful bastard," she said softly.

"I only know what I want and I want you. If I can't have you, I'll make sure no one else will. I do love you, even if you don't believe it." He leaned in to kiss her. Kayla was still in shock that she didn't stop him, but his kiss; his touch; repulsed her.

He gazed into her eyes. "Come back with me in the morning or be gone from Redcliffe. The choice, my darling Kayla, is up to you."

Alistair kissed her one last time, then turned and left Kayla staring after him.