Hello! I'm sorry it's taken forever for this update. Life has been insane for me, but things have slowed down considerably. Luckily, I now have a lot more time to write now. Hurray! Because...good news time...

I've already written Chapter 11 and it's with the beta. I've even started on Chapter 12! Remember that once a week posting schedule I promised way back when? Hold me to that now, please :)

I was recc'd by the lovely One of Eddie's Girls. You should go check out her stories!

Beta'd by Nuttyginger and Preread by BubblyGreenBubbles and EveryDayBella89. All the love in the world to you all!

See you on the other side :)

Song: Crave you by Flight Facilities (Adventure Club Dubstep Remix)

Chapter 10 BPOV

"Edward?" I whispered, as I quietly slipped underneath his blanket. He was so warm and seemed very asleep. I snuggled into the nook under his arm, and he sighed as he curled into me, hugging me tight. I felt him lightly kiss the top of my head – which made me wonder if he was actually awake.

"I've missed you," he said, as he nuzzled my neck. His warm breath sent chills down my spine.

I looked up at him and lightly kissed his lips. "I've missed you, too." He intensified the kiss, making my body melt.

The last month with Edward had been really great. After he'd finally opened up to me about the death of his sister, I'd tried to do everything in my power to help him realize it wasn't his fault. I don't know if I'd made much of an improvement — his guilt was something I didn't think he would ever fully let go of. On a positive note, our relationship had progressed because of his willingness to open up about what's happened to him. I'd developed a deep-rooted need to protect Edward from himself. It's fierce, all-consuming, and a bit alarming. I'd traded in one addiction, for another. I craved Edward. His touch, his voice, his words. He had a power over me that only he could ever have. I knew that I'd fallen irrevocably in love with him, but the words had yet to be said.

"Are you ready for our trip this weekend?" Edward asked.

I answered with a kiss as my hand snaked up underneath his shirt. I felt him shiver at my touch and it made me smile. I liked knowing I had this effect on him — the same effect he had on me. I knew that if given the chance, our relationship would progress sexually while we were in Park City. I wanted, more than anything, to have sex with Edward. But, at what cost? As much as I trusted Edward, there was this fear inside of him leaving me. I'd invested so much emotionally — more than I ever had and it would literally kill me. Reality said that at some point Edward and I would be separated. Outside of the academy, we lived at opposite ends of the country. We led different lives. Edward swore he'd follow me — but would he? It wasn't a guarantee. Nothing in life is guaranteed.

My hands continued to wander as I traced the lines of his back. It was my most favorite part of his body, by far. I hooked my leg over his hip and I nibbled his ear. My hand lightly rubbed over his pants, and I could feel him as he grew hard. He groaned as he slowly pulled away and put distance between us.

I knew that move alone drove him crazy. I also knew it was a bit mean of me to do. I'd never let Edward venture anywhere below the belt, but I'd gone below his. Admittedly, I'd asked Rose and Alice how to give a hand job. It was an interesting conversation to say the least, but I'd wanted to please Edward in a way that I felt comfortable. I felt powerful when I held his pleasure in my hands — literally. It was a rush to watch him come undone. I wanted, so badly, for him to ask permission to touch me, but he hadn't. He was letting me take the lead, for which I was grateful, but I was also ready to share some of the power.

I pushed my hips into his as my leg tightened its hold around him. I nibbled on his ear again, and lightly sucked before biting. I was purposely trying to push him over the edge I knew he would never cross unless I told him too.

He groaned. "Bella, what are you doing?"

I moved my head to rest on the pillow next to his. "Um…" I cleared my throat, my voice raspy. "I want to try something."

I moved my hand to where his was resting on my hip. I interlocked our fingers and brought them up so I could kiss his hand.

"Bella…" his voice questioning.

"Shh…please. Just, let me do this, okay?" I felt him nod.

I took a deep breath, and slowly moved our joined hands lower. I knew Edward could feel my hand trembling, but he ignored it. I unlocked our fingers as I guided his hand underneath the nightgown I'd purposely worn. I firmly laid his hand between my legs, so that he was cupping my sex. I heard him inhale deeply — his exhale making me shiver.

"Are you sure?" His voice was husky and laced with want.

"Yes," I whispered. He began to lightly rub me through my panties. I moaned, arching my back, which only pushed me closer to him.

"I want to hear you say it, Bella. I won't do it unless you tell me too." His hand moved to the inside of my leg, where he lightly traced circles. My core immediately missed the attention.

"I want you to touch me," I said it so quietly, I wasn't sure he'd heard me.

After a moment, Edward lightly grabbed my hips as he moved us so that he was hovering over me. I rested my hand on the back of his neck and pulled him towards me, our lips meeting. I lost myself in the kiss. Our lips molded perfectly to one another as our tongues danced a now familiar dance. His hand grazed over my pussy before he allowed himself to pull my panties down, and I wiggled free. I wasn't trembling as badly as before but it was still there. I needed to do this. We needed to do this.

Edward wasn't Jamie.

His fingers lightly traced my folds, and each time he came in contact with my clit, I would moan. He quickly caught on, as he applied pressure and circled the bundle of nerves. The pleasure became too much, too fast, and I pushed his hand away. My breathing was labored as I tried to calm down. The idea crept in that maybe I wasn't ready, but I dismissed it. Everything was fine.

I gave Edward a reassuring kiss as I placed his hand near my entrance. I wanted to feel him inside of me. He complied, and I felt one finger slide into me with ease. My mind wandered, wondering if I should be embarrassed by the wetness, but I was quickly brought back to the present as he began to move in and out of me. I moaned, the feeling was intense, but not as pleasing as before. Edward must have noticed, because I felt his thumb press firmly against my clit as he began to rub circles, his finger still slowly pumping in and out of me. My toes curled at the sensation, and I felt the intensity of the pleasure return.

My nails were digging into Edward's back as my body wound up into a coil that was ready to spring at any moment. His hand worked quicker, and I focused on his hand pumping in and out as the built-up of ecstasy ripped through me. I may have bit down on his shoulder to keep from crying out, I wasn't sure, but Edward kept going. Wave after wave of pleasure hit me, and I teetered on the edge of it being too much, and just enough.

Edward's hand stilled. I took a deep breath and shivered, which caused me to giggle. his mouth found mine, and I tried to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away. I frowned, wondering what was the matter.

Edward's other hand touched my face. When it did, I felt the moisture he must of felt when we kissed. "Why are you crying? Did I hurt you?" Edward sounded horrified.

I held back a laugh. I had no idea why I was crying, or even that I was crying. "Calm down, I'm fine."

"Are you sure?" He sounded worried. "I knew it was too soon; fucking knew it." He went to move away from me, but I stopped him.

"Edward, I'm fine." I brought my face close to his so he could see that I was serious.

He cupped my cheek. "I just don't want you to be upset."

I giggled. "I promise, I'm far from upset."

He gave me a loud, sloppy kiss on my cheek. "Good."

"That was gross," I said as I wiped my cheek.

He chuckled. "You know you like it."

He was right – I did.

"I should probably get the other girls up. I don't want to be exhausted tomorrow."

Edward sighed. "Just stay with me for five more minutes."

I smiled as I snuggled in closer to him. "Okay."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

I woke up the next morning praying to God that my mom had brought me coffee for our early morning therapy session. The girls and I crawled back to our dorm around six AM, and I was exhausted.

Five minutes my ass.

I loved sneaking over to Edward's dorm, but I was always dead tired the next day. I quickly got out of bed and nudged Rose and Alice awake as well. We couldn't be so obviously tired or Lauren would think something was up.

"Rise and shine sleeping beauties," I sang as I made my way down to the showers. I could make out the sound of Rose telling me to fuck off, and I smiled. She would be in a horrible mood today and I didn't have to deal with it. I loved her to death, but her attitude made me want to bang my head against a wall on more than one occasion.

After I showered and got dressed, I made my way down to the girl's common area to wait for Angela to come get me. My mom was supposed to be here at ten AM, and we were to do quick family therapy session before I was allowed to leave. Angela assured me we wouldn't get into anything too heavy, as to not ruin the trip before it even began.

Edward's mom was supposed to arrive at eleven, and they were having a therapy session as well before heading out to Park City. The drive was about an hour, so my mom and I would arrive in Park city just as Edward was leaving the academy. Having never been there, I had no idea what to expect, but I was definitely hoping that we were all staying in the same hotel.

"Bella?"

I looked up and saw Angela's head poking into the common room.

"Your mom's here. Come on." Her head disappeared and I took it as my cue to get up and follow her. She'd already beaten me down the stairs and was waiting by the therapist door.

"Are you ready?"she asked.

"Yeah. I'm all good," I shrugged.

"Great."

She opened the door, and I followed her to her office. My mom was sitting on the small bench but stood to give me a hug when she saw me enter.

"I've missed you," she said as she hugged me tight.

"I've missed you too, mom." I didn't even have to see her face to know that she was crying. "Mom, please stop crying," I said softly. I pulled away from her as she reluctantly let go.

"I'm sorry; I know how much you hate it when I cry." She returned to her spot on the bench, and I sat down next to her.

"Why don't we go ahead and begin. First off, Renee, I'm pleased to say that Bella is doing very well here at the Academy. She is excelling in school and in therapy."

My mom looked at me, practically beaming with left over tears in her eyes.

"Bella, your mom mentioned that you hate it when she cries. Given what we've talked about in previous sessions, can you give your mom some help as to why you dislike it so much?" Angela smiled encouragingly, but I'd be lying if I didn't give a glare in her direction before answering.

"You'll be happy to know, mom, that I'm now a seasoned crier. Although, not as seasoned as you — sorry, it's true — Angela has coaxed a tear out a time or two. I feel that crying is a sign of weakness, you know? In the past, you've been a weak person, mom. I'm aware that dad kind of fucked shit up for you by cheating and never being around — always "working." But, I feel like you could've chosen to rise above all of that." I chanced a glance at my mom and there were tears rolling down her cheeks. She didn't look mad by what I was saying, so I continued.

"It may seem unfair of me to judge how you coped with the shitty situation we were all in, but I don't think it's unfair at all. I'm the one that had to live with a mother who couldn't even get out of bed some days, or would yell at me for no reason other than because you could. Let's not forget about the times you "went away," which I later found out you were in mental institutions for attempted suicide. Can you imagine how that felt for me?" The tears were falling down my face now as I looked away from my trembling mom and over at Angela, my eyes silently pleading for her to intervene. Instead, she mouthed "keep going," and gave me a reassuring smile. Angela and I'd talked at great length about what I was hoping to say to my mom. It just sucked finally having to say it.

I looked back at my mom who was doing everything to keep herself from falling apart.

"It sucked mom. It really fucking sucked to find out your mom didn't want to be your mom anymore, not once, but three different times. I tried so hard to be nothing like you, and all it caused was me to become more like you than I ever thought imaginable."

Angela handed us both tissues. "So, Renee, do you have anything to say to Bella?" Angela asked kindly, signaling that I'd said enough.

"I understand everything that she's saying, and I agree wholeheartedly. I wasn't strong enough for you then, but I'm trying my best to be strong enough for you now. I hope that you can see that," She sniffled.

"I do see that, mom. You're a completely different person without dad around." It was such a relief to finally talk about these things that had caused me pain for so long.

"I'm sorry for everything you had to go through as a child. It was never my intent to hurt you, I promise. It means the world to me that you can see how much I've tried to change since leaving Phoenix."

I leaned into my mom, lightly bumping her shoulder with mine as I gave a sly smile. "We all make mistakes." She gave a very unladylike snort and I even heard Angela chuckle.

"That we do, Bella. I'm impressed with you two. I thought that talk would take ages!" Angela grinned.

"Oh, you know, I'm all about being straightforward and to the point while I'm in therapy."

I gave Angela a mischievous smirk, which she rewarded me with by rolling her eyes. We both know I'm anything but.

My mom grabbed my hand and lightly squeezed. "I'm so glad to see you're doing well here, Bella." I smiled back at her. Although, things weren't completely okay between us, I felt like they would be soon. My mom really stepped up as a mom when I moved to Forks before the academy. Even though it didn't erase years of hurt, it made moving on much easier.

"Well, I don't want to keep you two any longer. Have a great time together this weekend. We'll see you back for check-in nine AM Monday morning." Angela stood, and led us out of her office. My heart skipped a beat when I saw Edward sitting on the couch in the office. Next to him was a well put together middle-aged woman. She had the same bronze colored hair as Edward, maybe a tad bit lighter, but her eyes were the exact same piercing emerald-green as her son's. She was stunning as she smiled up at me when I came to stand in front of them.

Edward stood. "Hey, did you guys just finish therapy?" I nodded, glancing over at his mom. He turned to his mom and smiled as he offered his hand for her stand. "Mom, this is Bella. Bella, this is my mom, Esme."

Esme stood over me, a curious glint in her eye. "It's very nice to finally meet you, Bella. I've heard a lot about you. All Edward talks about in his letters home is you." I blushed and glanced at Edward who only groaned.

"Mom…" He whined.

I heard my mom clear her throat, and I jumped, forgetting she was even there. "Sorry, mom. Edward, this is my mom Renee. Mom, this is Edward and his mom, Esme."

"It's nice to meet you both." My mom glanced down at me, obviously curious as to who these people were.

There was an awkward silence before Edward broke it.

"Here's my moms cell phone number and the name of our hotel." He handed me a folded up piece of paper. I unfolded it to look at which hotel they were staying in.

"Mom, which hotel are we staying at?" I asked.

"The Sky Lodge, it's right on Main Street. I thought it would be the perfect location for all the shopping and restaurants."

Esme chuckled. "That's exactly why I picked the same hotel. We've stayed there before with Edward, it's a lovely."

Edward and I shared a smile before Angela called Edward and his mom back for therapy. We said our goodbyes. I'd wished I could hug Edward, but knew it was best not to flaunt our relationship in front of Angela. Surprisingly enough, she hadn't said a word about Edward and I being in Park City at the same time. She wasn't dense enough to think it wasn't planned, or that we weren't going to see each other while we were there, but I'd found it bit odd. I figured "the talk" would have happened, but nope, nothing. As with anything concerning us, I decided to let it be.

Renee and I stopped to grab bagels and coffee, before getting on the road. The drive to Park City was beautiful this time of year.

"So, Bella, who's Edward, and why didn't I know his mother and him were joining us in Park City this weekend?" My mom glanced over at me curiously before looking back at the road.

"I'm sorry, I didn't really know how to tell you. Actually, Edward surprised me with it. His mom wanted to come and visit him and he knew you were going for my birthday, so he asked her to come the same weekend." I chewed on my lip, worried she would be upset. "I guess it's a little late now to ask if you mind that they're coming…"

"It's a little late, yes, but I don't mind. As long as I get some alone time with you." She gave me a warm smile.

"Of course." I smiled back.

"So, tell me about Edward. Is he just a friend or…"

I sighed, a goofy grin spreading over my face. "He's my boyfriend. Well, as much as a boyfriend as you can have at the academy. In the real world, we'd probably still be considered in the friend stage." I had to hold back a laugh. I figured it'd be best not to tell her I snuck over to his dorm at night so we could make out.

"Where's he from? Has he been at the academy long?" she questioned.

"He's from Chicago, and he's been there about a year." I glanced at her, trying to gauge her reaction. I saw the worry in her eyes.

"Chicago's… far, and a year? That's quite awhile. Will he be leaving soon?"

"Not any time soon." I looked out the window as I tried to believe my own words.

My mom's phone buzzed in the cup holder, and I hoped it was Edward. I'd texted him from her phone so that he'd have her number.

"I think this is for you." She handed me the phone and I smiled.

Just getting on the road. Where r u? –E

"Mom, how much longer until we're there?" I watched as she fiddled with the GPS.

"About ten minutes."

10 mins. How was therapy? – B

His reply was instantaneous.

Brutal. We'll talk about it later? I can't wait to c u :) – E

I can't wait to see you either :) – B

I smiled. I'd hoped that whatever happened in therapy wouldn't put a damper on our weekend, but he seemed okay.

We pulled off the highway and drove towards a small town tucked in close to the mountains. The GPS navigated us through winding roads dotted with houses, a school, and different stores. When we turned onto the historic main street, I gasped. The road was narrow, and steep. The shops to the left looked as if they were built right into the mountain. As we drove down to the street, I noticed the different clothing boutiques, galleries, and restaurants. It was perfect.

"We're here!" Renee pulled into a parking lot right off main street and I looked at up at the hotel. It had a wilderness feel with its log construction, but the steel supports and large windows made it feel more modern. It's quirky style fit in with the rest of the town.

After we checked in, I texted Edward to invite him and his mom to a late lunch. They said yes, and that they were only twenty minutes from the hotel.

I decided to take a quick shower and put some regular clothes on that Renee had brought me from home. It felt nice not having to wear the academy uniform. My black skinny jeans went just fine with the checkered vans I was wearing, and I threw on a clean white t-shirt. When I looked in the mirror, I was intrigued by what I saw. I looked like the old me, but the girl that stared back at me was entirely different from the person that wore these clothes two months ago. Gone were the dark shadows under my eyes and the hard lines of my cheek bones. My face was fuller, but not overly so. I looked healthy. I smiled.

I looked happy.

There was a knock on the door, and I quickly ran to open it. I looked through the peep-hole and saw Edward standing there with his hands in his pockets. I threw open the door and jumped on him, catching him by surprise.

"Hello to you, too." He laughed as he caught me.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and brought my hands up to cup his face. We stared at each other a moment, our smiles mirrored one another's, before I gave him a loud, wet kiss.

"That's payback," I smirked.

"It's only payback if I don't enjoy it," he exclaimed as he began to tickle me. I squealed and begged him to put me down. After a moment, he finally obliged.

"Where's your mom?"

"She's in the room. Yours?"

"Taking a shower. She should be done soon, though."

I snuggled into Edward, and suddenly noticed he was still wearing his academy uniform of khaki's, but he'd discarded his oxford and was just wearing his white under shirt.

"Didn't you want to change?"

"I'll change later. Finding you was more important."

He bent his head down and lightly bit my nose before he kissed me softly. It was perfectly sweet and made my knees weak in a way that only Edward would ever be able to accomplish. After the kiss ended, I thought about Edward's text from earlier.

"Is everything alright? You said therapy didn't go very well." I saw him flinch as I looked up at his pained expression. I brought my hand up to lightly rub where his brow had furrowed.

"Everything's fine. Can we talk about it after lunch?" He took my hand and kissed it.

I nodded, dropping it for now. It bothered me that Edward was hiding something from me, but I knew how he was. He liked to tell me things on his own time and in his own way. It's just how he was.

Lunch with our moms was great for the most part. I could tell there was tension between Esme and Edward, and I think my mom could to. She could distract anyone with stories of the different hobbies she had tried over the years. What she didn't share was that the hobbies were to distract her from her own overwhelming depression. Renee was the master at pretending things were okay when they really weren't. Too bad it really only worked for other's and not for herself.

We sat in the hotel restaurant listening to my mom tell a story of when she actually tried underwater basket weaving, but the only one really paying attention was Esme. I looked over at Edward for what felt like the billionth time, and instead of staring off into space, he was looking at me. He gestured towards the exit with his eyes, and I nodded.

I cleared my throat, effectively catching my mom's attention. She looked at me expectantly.

"Sorry to interrupt, but could Edward and I go for a walk? We'll stay in the hotel." I figured the more polite I was, the better the chance that they would say yes.

"I don't see why not, but it's up to Esme whether Edward can or not." Renee looked at Esme as she waited for her response.

Esme's expression was sad as she looked at Edward, who refused to meet her gaze. She sighed. "I suppose it's fine. Take my phone so we can get ahold of you later." She handed the phone towards Edward, but he'd gotten up and went straight for the exit. I gave her a small smile as I took it and quickly caught up with him.

"Edward?" I asked quietly. He took my hand, silently telling me to follow him.

We wound through the hotel, taking the stairs up two floors from the restaurant. Edward opened the door for me, and we came out on top a rooftop terrace. There were small couches with comfortable looking pillows, surrounding fire pits that had yet to be lit. It was a cozy atmosphere. I imagined it would've been beautiful at night.

Edward led me to the far side of the terrace, and leaned up against the railing that overlooked Main Street. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pack of cigarette's and a lighter. I was shocked.

"Edward, where did you get those?" He lit his cigarette, taking a drag before answering.

"I bought them at the convenient store on the corner. I asked my mom for some cash to get something to drink, but I got these instead." He took another drag, visibly relaxing. "Do you want one?" He offered the pack, and I shook my head no.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked quietly.

"I'm stressed, Bella. I'm trying so hard to be good, but there's a war going on in my mind, you know?" He pointed at his temple as he took another drag.

"What happened in therapy that's causing you to act like this?" I looked up at him and tried to see into his eyes, but the sun was too bright.

He noticed, switching me spots so that he was facing the sun. We stood for a moment as Edward contemplated his words. I moved my hand to lightly caress his hip, hoping that it would ease his anxiety and encourage him to talk to me.

"My mom wants me to come home, Bella. My parents think that I've been away long enough, but they don't get it. I can't go back to Chicago. Not now, not ever." I stilled his shaking hand with mine as I tossed his words around in my mind. I had a solution, but was it the right one? Was it even possible? I'd no idea.

"What if you looked into schools in Seattle?" I asked quietly.

Edward chuckled darkly. "Then what? I go to Seattle for a year by myself with no family, and without you? You just started your program, Bella. My parents are talking about pulling me from the academy next month."

I squeezed my eyes shut as I willed his words away. At this point, life without Edward wasn't an option. We hadn't said the words, but I was sure I loved him. He'd become a constant in my life, more so than my own parents, but I wasn't ready to leave the academy. I wasn't ready for our little bubble to burst, allowing the outside world to come rushing in.

"I need time." I whispered as I opened my eyes — a stray tear falling down my cheek.

A pained look crossed Edward's face as he wiped the tear away. "I don't have time, Bella. Once my mom met you, I think she realized it was about more than just going home, but she said it's time for me to move on."

I flinched at his words. "Maybe, your mom is right. You're so strong, Edward. You're a completely different person now." He looked horrified as he backed away from me.

"Why are you agreeing with them? Don't you know what this means? It means we'll be fucking separated." I took a step forward and grasped his trembling hand.

"Angela says I'm progressing quickly through my program. I won't be there a year, I know that, but I'm not ready to leave now. We knew at some point this would happen — us being separated. We tried to ignore it, but we can't anymore. This is now reality, Edward." A look of hurt crossed his face as he tried to pull his hand from mine, but I held firm.

"Don't you care about me?" He whispered.

I'd never seen Edward so insecure, so broken. At the academy, it was always him holding me together, helping me sort through my issues. Lately, though, Edward's finely laid house of cards was starting to crumble.

I brought him to me as I wrapped my arms around his waist and looked up at him. "I care about you more than you will ever know. I… I love you." I paused for a moment, as I made sense of the word vomit that had just come out of my mouth. I knew the words to be true, but it wasn't exactly when or how I'd wanted to say them. Edward brought me back to reality as he rubbed the furrow between my brows.

"Are you sure about that?" There was a smirk playing at his mouth, but his eyes told me he meant it.

"Did you seriously just respond to that with, "Are you sure about that?" Of course I'm fucking sure about it." I tried to pull away from our embrace, but he held me tighter.

Edward tilted my head towards his so that he could lightly kiss my lips. "I love you too, Bella. More than you'll ever know. That's why I can't go back to Chicago."

I sighed as I cupped Edward's cheek and looked directly into his eyes. "You're so incredibly strong. I wish you believed in yourself as I do. Everything will work out the way it's supposed to, I know it."

Edward searched my eyes for the uncertainty that lay there, but I did my best to hide it. He finally kissed me, putting everything he had into that one kiss. It was a kiss about love and determination — devotion and fear. I had absolutely no clue whether things would work out in our favor, but I had hope. I wanted to be with Edward so badly that I was sure it was enough to fuel my determination into making our future together a reality.

Every problem needs a solution, and every solution begins with a plan. Mine was simple and definitely not well thought out, but it was worth a shot.

I had two days to talk Esme Cullen into believing her son wasn't ready to leave the Academy of New Beginning's just yet.

*pokes head out from behind bulletproof wall* I'm sorry this wasn't the EPOV I promised. I started to write it and then... it just didn't feel right, you know? The next chapter isn't EPOV either, but he'll but up shortly. I promise. This is Bella's story... I hope you can understand that. *shrugs*

Please leave me a review and let me know what you thought of this chapter. If you hated it, tell me why. If you loved it, PLEASE tell me why. It only helps me grow as a writer. I try to respond to each and every one of your reviews and let you know how much they mean to me. Thanks again for reading!

I'll see you this time next week, promise! ;-)

LCx