Disclaimer: Touhou, all of its characters, and musics belongs to Zun. The only things I own here is the OC named Reuel. This fanfict may or may not be canon. Besides that, I've got nothing else to say. So with that, please take a seat, grab your drink, pick your snack, and have a pleasant ride (or read).
Chapter 10 "The Struggle Inside One's Mind"
Sitting inside a room filled with the odor of machinery oil and metallic tool all around is not what I called the best place I want to be. But since this is the place where my friend, Nitori, currently calls home, I don't have much complaint. Well, maybe a few, but I don't want to be a rude one, you know?
"Please wait a minute, Reuel-san. I'll find the stuff I told you about in a second!"
"That's fine. Take your time, Nitori-san!" I shouted back to her who was gone about a couple of minutes in the back of her home. I must say that for a genius, she has a bad habit of misplacing things. Or maybe that is a trait every genius had? Never met a genuine genius before. Oh, a tongue twister! I'll tell Nitori and Hina later.
Oh yeah, speaking of Hina, it seemed she wouldn't be here today. I don't know the reason, though. Nitori only said that before she disappeared into the back of her house after seeing me coming into her home. I was not even offered to have a seat and she was already gone. So there I was, standing in the middle of the room.
While she was busy searching for "the stuff I told you about" in the back, I might as well review my information so far. As I leaned to a nearby wall and opened my notepad, I read the notes about my two friends.
Kawashiro Nitori, a kappa engineer, a genius. A shy and timid person, although caring and quite attentive. Yes, her method needed a lot of work, but her intention was always good. At least, until now. I couldn't say anything more since we've only met for a short time.
Next is the misfortune goddess, Kagiyama Hina. She collected misfortune, a good natured person, or goddess for that matter. A bit worried about her friend rather shy–
"Ah, found it!" A sudden shout broke my concentration and I almost dropped my notepad. And before I could respond, she appeared with a wooden box in her hand. "Here you go!" said the kappa engineer while giving the box to me.
"Uhm, okay," I said as I received the box. "Can I open it?"
"Huh? Of course, of course." She said while nodding to me.
Well, she was certainly in a high spirit. Wonder why?
After putting back my notepad, I opened the lid of the wooden box and pulled the object inside.
"A bracelet?" It was a pair of bracelet. The bracelet, made of wood, was rather thick. On the middle of it was a box with some gears as decoration. Eh? Wait a minute? "Are the gears functional, Nitori-san?"
"Why, yes they are!" She said proudly. Wow, this is great! Although a bit too big for my liking, this was still a great stuff. But, what's so special about this? "Oh, let me show how to use it." Use?
"It's like this, right?" I put on the pair of bracelet, one on each of my wrist.
"Good, it fits." Heh, surprisingly it did. Nitori has good eyes. "Now for the mechanism."
"The what?" I asked her, not knowing what she meant by that.
"You see the box?" I nodded at that. "Put them against each other by crossing your arms. Like so." She demonstrated that by crossing her own arms with the wrist as the touching point.
"Like so?"
"Ah, wait!" Her shout halted my movement. Geez, how many times was it that she startled me? "I'll get the mirror here for you." Eh? What for?
"What… for?" My question was left hanging on the air since the target of the question once again disappeared, fetching the mirror. Left alone, I was left with the strange wooden bracelet she gave me. I examined it closer and found that there was some kind of mechanism inside the box. Although curious, I didn't dare to open it. I was only able to peek inside through a small opening in the edge of it. The design itself looked bland. Not a single carving or anything. The bracelet which covered almost my entire wrist was a bit heavy. It had that prototype look. You know, a meager sanding work and a bit of paint work here and there. Well, it was certainly far from what you call a quality accessory.
"Sorry for the wait!" And there she came back again, this time with a mirror as tall as her. She then walked in front of me and put the mirror there.
"Now I should cross my arm?"
"Yes, and please keep looking at the mirror, Reuel." She smiled at me. She was, I don't know, kind of a hyper today? As if she was on fire.
"If you say so." I followed her instruction as I look at the mirror.
At first, there was nothing strange. I mean, what did she want me–
"WOAH! W-What's happening?" The gears on the bracelets started to spin really fast.
"Keep it close! Don't pull them apart!" What!? That's dangerous! "Trust me!" Ugh, hitting me with that, will you?
I guess I have to. Since I've sunk this deep, the least I could do was knowing the effect of the bracelets.
"What the!?" And before long, the effect of the bracelet finally showed up. My image on the mirror was getting transparent with each passing seconds. Seconds later, my image on the mirror disappeared completely and at the moment I stared at the mirror that was devoid of any reflection with the exception of the engineer's reflection who was standing behind me. At this, I could see Nitori's wide smile full of satisfaction.
"Wohoo! It works!" She shouted with joy and her arms on the air. What work? Wait a minute?
"Nitori-san, is this the stuff I asked you about a couple of days before?"
"Why, yes it is. Yes it is, my friend. Nice isn't it?"
Oh, so that's why she was so eager to show it to me. On the day when we became friend, I told her about what I need. Actually at that time, I was too tired to think of anything, so I went with one of her invention, the optical camouflage. I just said that I want to be able to use something as great as that. Since I said that in a spur of the moment, I didn't realize it until the gadget took effect.
"You were able to do that in these short days?" I ask her.
"Yes, I did." She said nonchalantly.
"Oh wow! Magnificent, Nitori-san!" I praised her. No wonder she was called a genius.
"Ehehehe~ Thank you." She blushed while rubbing the back of her head. I could see her smile grew wider.
"Just one question then, Nitori-san."
"Oh, what is it?"
"What would happen if I move my hand?" My arms were getting a bit sore in this position.
"Well, the gears will stop moving and the camouflage will go down." Oh, so that's how to turn this thing off. I then separate my arm. And just like she said, the gears slowed down gradually. As the gears slowed down, my image became cleared bit by bit until the gears finally stopped moving and my image was completely visible in the mirror.
"So the turn off of this gadget is that I can't move my arm. Is that right?"
"Yes, correct. Because if you do, the energy will not flow between the two stones placed inside the bracelet. My future plan is to make it able to do that even without touching each other."
"Hmm, so do you use the same gadget too?" At my question, she shook her head.
"I can use a much powerful gadget due to being a youkai. You, on the other hand, need a much weaker one. It is for safety reason." Ah, glad that she was the kind of genius that put safety first.
"So, I guess this is still in the experimental phase?" I asked her as I put off the bracelet. My hands were already getting tired.
"It is. But don't worry, I'll improve it in a matter of weeks." She said that confidently.
"Oh, wonderful!" I clapped my hand, showing my amazement. At that, she grinned with joy. "Is there any limitation to this?" I need to know more before I consider using it for my task.
"Well, aside from should be keep touching each other, I guess there's none. I mean, the stones inside there only need to be replaced once a year or so." Wow, talk about efficient.
"I guess for safety reason I shouldn't open the box, eh?"
"Yup, it is safer that way." Figures there should be some warning. "Oh yeah, I forgot, what do you need, Reuel-san?" Hmm, did I need something from her? Oh yeah, there is! There is!
"Nitori-san, do you know what an electric generator is?"
After explaining what that is, she said that she have something similar, although it will only work if you put it near a moving body of water. I guess that means it was a water-powered generator. The Kappas sure have gone a quite several years of technology for that to be available.
"So, do you have it?" I ask her again.
She folded her hand while closing her eyes. For a while, she just stood there doing nothing. After she finally opened her eyes, she started talking.
"I do, but I'm not sure you can use it for your equipment, Reuel-san." She said to me while scratching her head.
"I can't use it?" There goes my other option. " Uhm, why?" I asked her with a rather disappointed tone.
"It's still on experimental phase. I haven't tested it much since I don't know what else I can use it."
"Oh, I see, I see." Yes, that was a very logical reason. Not to mention that she never seen my equipment. No wonder she said that.
"Buuuutttt!" She suddenly shouted, startling me. "If you let me see your equipment, I'm sure I can fix it– Uhm, I mean, I will make sure that you can use it."
"….Err…Maybe later, Nitori-san." Why is she looking at me like that? She looked at me with bloodshot eyes and she looked rather intimidating, kind of like one of those mad scientist characters I saw on movie.
All of a sudden the light atmosphere evaporated and the air became tense.
"Oh please! Let me take a look at it!" She came closer to me with her eyes showing her full intention. Better get away for now!
"Uhm, Nitori-san? …You're too close." This is not good.
"Come on! Come on! Let me see it!" She suddenly pulled out a variety of tools from her pockets. Now this is definitely bad! She went nuts!
"N-N-Nitori-san, w-what are y–"
"I want to see it! Let me see it!" The Kappa engineer screamed at the top of her lung while looking at me with scary expression and rugged breathing.
"W-W-What's happening here!?" I also shouted my reply at her rather crazy request. I was already half way running to the door. I got to get out of here!
"Oh no you don't!" But I was unable to do that due to her hand holding my shoulder really tightly, making me unable to move an inch.
"Ow! Ow! Ow!" I yelped in pain as her restrain went a bit tighter. "N-N-Nitori! L-Let me go!"
"The equipment! Hand it over!"
"Y-You're hurting me!" I replied to her in my pain. I could swear her fingers were biting into my shoulder right now. Even though there was no blood, but I could feel the pain slowly starting to seep into me.
"Equipment!" Her breathing went much more rugged and her eyes looked redder than before, making her much more intimidating than before.
"N-Nitori…" Ugh, not good. The way she held my shoulder made it harder for me to concentrate.
"Now!" A sound of impact was made due to my legs buckling up. I was pushed into a kneeling position with both of her hands on my shoulders.
"Let…go…p-please…" I couldn't use my full voice as her grip tightened on to my shoulder, injecting more and more pain to my body. With each passing second, I lose my consciousness more and more. I was being reminded how powerful a youkai could be, even for someone as small as her. My carelessness because of being her friend made me encounter this dangerous situation.
"Give me!" She ignored my plea and kept glaring at me. At this moment, I was not able to say anything, only my mouth was moving up and down without producing any sound.
Am I really going to die here? As I raised my hand up toward her to stop her, I saw that there was no sign of her stopping soon. But I couldn't just give up! There's no way I'm going down here! And it was just for a simple piece of equipment!
I tried to concentrate on my hand and tried to push back her hand.
"Ugh! Let go, Nitori!" I shouted with what's left of my energy and tried to push her hand. But unfortunately, her hand didn't budge. My effort was a futile one. To make matter worse that last burst of energy I use have left me weaker than before, making the pain intensified.
Even as I struggle, her eyes still looked as scary as before. She was lost. My voice won't reach her anymore.
"…" My voice once again failed to come out. My consciousness slowly faded away. Both of my hand finally fell to my side, hanging without any force to hold them up.
Ah, not good. I'm losing it. My breathing became shallow with each passing seconds and my eyelid went heavier.
I glanced back to the door slightly, hoping someone to come in and help me. Anyone….
"…K…a….s…e…." Unable to do anything, my vision went black completely. I fainted.
"You know, _," said the girl in front of me.
"What?" I replied with a rather cold tone.
"Why don't we become friend?" She looked at me and then smiled.
"Huh? Why would I?"
"Uhm, because alone is no fun, right?" She continued.
"And being with other is fun?" I said to her, surely didn't bother to be polite.
"Yeah!"
"All the time?"
"All the time?" She was confused at my sudden question.
"Is being with other people fun all the time?"
"Uhm, maybe there will be–"
"Then sometimes it is not fun, right?"
"Err…" The girl looked troubled, not knowing how to answer that question. Figures that would be the case.
"Then I'm fine with being alone." I turned away from her, walking to the other side of the corridor without waiting for her to give me any answer. I never bothered to glance back at her and seeing what kind of expression she made. I don't really care. I don't need false and pretentious feeling.
"Hey you!" A shout behind me stopped me from walking.
"Hmm?" I turned around to see the one that gave that shout. It was a girl, probably a little bit older than me. She stood next to the girl from before, who was wearing a much more troubled expression.
"Yes, you! The one with the gloomy look on his face!"
"Gloomy look on his face?" I swore my eyes twitched a little at that. But the rude person who called me that didn't even look to be realizing what she just done.
"Yes, you!" And with that, she gave a very wide smile.
"!" I opened my eyes so fast that I immediately shut it back again due to the sudden flood of light coming into my eyes. I felt a bit of searing pain on my eyes because of that. I tried to move my head around. I found no problem with that except the loud cracking sound it made, probably because I was sleeping for quite some times.
I opened my eyes slowly again. This time, I tried to let my eyes get accustomed to the amount of light that will enter my vision. After a few seconds, I managed to get it wide open.
After that I picked up my body slowly, avoiding the risk of getting hurt much farther.
"Ugh!" And just as I thought, a sharp pain attacked me. The source was the area around my collarbone. I slowly open my collar slightly, just enough to make it possible for me to see the area where the pain came from.
"Ah, they're blue." Yes, there were two slightly circular spots on each side of my collarbone that had the color of purplish blue, a sign of bruises. "Nitori really did a number on me." I sighed at that. I can't really blame her too much because I know that she was just curious, although she needed to be able to control that curiosity of hers. Is that what they call primal instinct? An instinct to do anything to understand something she interested in?
As I pondered that, I looked at the place I'm in at the moment. First thing I notice was the smell. It was oil. From that alone I was convinced that this place was either a part of my friend's house or a place still located in the Kappa village. Either way, I guess I'm not in an immediate danger for now, so I can relax.
Now let's talk about the interior of the room. It was a simple room probably intended for a single person to use it as I only see a single bed inside it, which was the one I was using not long ago. Next to the bed was a night table, made from wood and fashioned in a simple way. On the ceiling was a single source of light, a simple light bulb. That light bulb also gave me more reason to believe that this place was still located in the Kappa village. Besides that, nothing was placed there. In a word, the room looked functional yet barren.
Satisfied evaluating the condition and the situation around me, I tried to stand. Fortunately, I felt nothing wrong with me except the slight pain near my shoulder. And with that, I stood up right away.
"Oh, it's still here?" I noticed something weighed my hand. As I look at it, it was the device Nitori gave me before she went nuts. Does is still work? But didn't I put that off before? Better think about it later. I have more pressing matter to attend.
Oh, speaking of equipment, how about my equipment? I quickly checked my utility belt. It wasn't there! Did Nitori take it? Oh no! That would mean that my equipment would be left in pieces!
But as I panicked, I heard the sound of footsteps from near the door. Without warning, the door opened and revealed a figure I recognized.
"Reuel-san!" It was Hina. I'm so glad that the first person I met after I woke up was a person I knew. And she seemed to be carrying something.
"Hina-san! So glad to see you." I greeted her back with a smile on my face. She immediately put whatever things she was carrying on to the night table and she rushed to me.
"Are you all right, Reuel-san?" She looked genuinely worry at me. I gave her a reassuring smile at that.
"Fine, please don't worry about it." I waved slightly at her. "The only thing different were these two things." I said to her as I shifted my clothes slightly, reveling the bruises.
"Oh dear…" She stared at the bruises seriously. "That is…terrible."
"Don't worry, I'll live." I joked slightly as I tidied up my clothes.
"I know. But please don't say that joke to her. She'll be much more depressed than now." Did she mean Nitori?
"What did you mean by that, Hina-san? How is she now?" I asked her with a tone filled with worry.
"She's fine, although I can see that she is very shocked that she did that to you, her new friend." Hina once again used a tone that made her looked like a worrying mom. But really, the more I speak with her, the more that image was made. Maybe that was because of her usual caring attitude, especially for our socially awkward friend, Nitori.
"So where is she now? If we want to do something, first thing I have to do is meeting her, right?"
"I know….but, are you really all right?" She looked at me worriedly.
"Don't worry," I smile at her, "I'm fine. A bit surprised, but fine nonetheless."
"You're not scared of her? I mean because of the strength she showed you." Oh, she meant that? I never really considered that. But that really made me thinking. I touched my chin and closed my eyes. I thought for a while. It was only for a few seconds or so, but I think that was longer for her. As I opened my eyes, I looked at her directly.
"Hina-san, I am a human. Nitori-san is a youkai, a kappa to be exact. And you," I said as I pointed at her, "are a goddess."
"Yes, we're very different, aren't we?" She said that with a rather saddened tone.
"And the three of us are friends. That is also a fact that is true. I will not let anyone deny that. I hope that you too, will not deny that." I looked at her and I hoped that I can convince her.
"…Yes, I agree. I'll not deny that."
"Then let's get back to your question first. Am I scared?" I paused for a while to emphasize that. "Why, yes, I am." And the moment she heard that, I could see that she felt rather troubled and saddened, not that I will blame her for that. "I am a regular, weak, powerless human. Against someone that has such power, how can I not be scared of? Surely that's logical."
"Very, Reuel-san."
"Then what does that have to do with our friendship?" She showed me her surprise expression. Yup, she didn't expect that. "Okay, I'm scared of her, but didn't I already consider that the first time I ask her to be my friend? Or do you perhaps think that I just ask her to be my friend without any thought?" She did pull me out of that cliff single handedly, right? If that didn't convince me how strong she was, I doubt anything would.
"…No, I guess you're not that kind of person."
"Yes, there are the kinds of person that will just ask someone to be friend without any thinking because that would make them look friendly. But don't worry; I'm not one of those." I said with a firm tone.
"Yes, I understand that. You are not one who does things without a few moments to think first."
"Glad that you understood me well, Hina san." I nodded with satisfaction on my face. "Now you may wonder, why would I befriend someone I'm scared of?" She nodded at me. "Well, is 'fear' the only thing I feel about her?" I paused for a while, emphasizing my statement. "Of course not!"
"Then you feel other things about her?"
"Why of course. I could feel her sincerity, her caring attitude, her sheer honesty, and many more. Since I befriended her not long ago, I might be wrong about that. But that only fueled my curiosity about her and also I want to spend more time with her."
"If someone else heard that, they might say that you are her lover, Reuel-san." She teased me while giggling slightly.
"Well, that goes the same with you, Hina-san."
"Eh? Me?"
"Of course! I know so little about you. All I know about you is that you are one who will risk herself to help other, a very caring person, but not to the point that you are a busybody." Did I get that right? I hoped she understand that.
"I…am not that kind." She fidgeted a little when I said that. Is that a blush on her cheeks? Oh dear, I got to keep it down or I might be taken as flirting with her.
"Well, the point is, the fact that the two of you are different remained. But isn't that also the same with the two of you? I mean, a friend between a misfortune goddess and a genius kappa engineer isn't one that everyone would call normal, right?"
"Hmm, now that you put it that way, I guess you're right." She nodded at my explanation.
"And the two of you have already listened to the story about my past, right?" Her expression saddened a little because of that. "Knowing my past and still decided to stick by me is one of the kindest things I've ever received, you know?"
"…I see." It seemed that talking about this any longer would not be a good idea.
"Hina-san, you are my friend. Nitori-san is also my friend. Okay, she hurt me moments ago. But that's the risk I'm willing to have for our friendship." I said that with a voice full of resolution. The reason I could do that was because I'm telling her my honest feeling. "Although, I will do my best to avoid that kind of things happening again. And I hope that Nitori-san will like to do the same." I added a little bit of condition. Just for information, her grip was quite painful. Not something I want to relive in the near future.
Hearing that, she casted her head down and her body shivered a bit. Did I say anything wrong?
"Uhm, Hina-san?" Now I was worried that my explanation hit something wrong with her. But my worries quickly faded by at the sound of her giggle.
"My, my, you are a very interesting person, Reuel-san." She said that while wiping the tears on her eyes. "Talking with you always bring out a variety of my emotion."
"Really now?" Well, I guess I succeeded in that, I guess.
"Yes. But at the end of our conversation, I felt warmth in my heart." She said that while touching her chest. She looked at me with a gentle gaze. At that, I felt my cheeks slightly blushing. "Before we look for Nitori, I must say something to you."
She took a step back from me. I didn't really know what she was going to do, so I was actually a bit confused.
"Thank you for agreeing to be her friend, Reuel-san." She bowed to me, making her frilly bow swayed.
For a few moments, silence washed over us. I then opened my mouth and start speaking.
"Forgive me, Hina-san. But I can't take that gratitude of yours." I said while looking at the misfortune goddess firmly. And just as I expected, her looks showed an expression of surprise. Chances are, she didn't expect me to say that. The most she probably expected is that I will say something along the line of 'Don't mention it.", "It's my pleasure.", or "Don't say that." She definitely didn't expect me to refuse her gratitude so bluntly. But as her friend, I will voiced my opinion if it for the good of all of us.
"Why, if I may ask?" And unlike the usual Hina, she didn't show any sign of being hurt or saddened by what I just said. In fact, I saw something similar in her eyes like a certain engineer I know. It was curiosity.
"You said it as if being her friend is like a chore, a task, something I wouldn't do if I could. I will not take that even if it is from you." Yes, the way she said that to me sounded like that. It was as if I befriended her out of obligation or out of pity. I don't like that. I want to be her friend because I want to be her friend. "Don't make it as if being her friend is a bad thing to do."
"So what do I have to say then, Reuel-san?"
"…" Her question caught me by surprise. Oh wow, I didn't think that far. Now what? If I say something wrong here, I might really hurt her.
Just like before, a few moment of silence came over us. The only sound was the sound of our own heartbeat noticeable to each of us. I raked by my brain as I failed to find an appropriate answer.
"I'm glad to have you as a friend." A voice resounded in the room all of a sudden. Both Hina and I looked to the source of the voice in surprise.
Then in front of the opened door, something happened. The air around it underwent changes. With each passing seconds, the air distorted into something the two of us recognized right away.
It was none other than the shy kappa engineer, Kawashiro Nitori.
"Nitori," said the misfortune goddess with a low voice barely noticeable by the others. "Since when have you been listening?"
"…" She didn't reply to that question. The kappa engineer just stood there with both of her hand gripping tightly on the strap of her bulging bag. It seemed from her expression, she was having a bit of mixed feeling.
The atmosphere around the room dropped. The minimum amount of lighting also didn't help as it further darkened the atmosphere. With the appearance of the person who was the subject of the lengthy discussion appeared, I could feel my emotion and thought jumbled up. I felt angry at her because she eavesdropped on us. I felt scared of her because of the recent happening. I felt sad for her to have her bear the burden of hurting your friend just because you can't control your passion.
"Nitori," called the goddess to her, her voice still dripping with the sense of troubled. "Since when?" She asked again.
"…" The kappa just stood there, refusing to open her mouth. Judging from the reaction, I expected her to hear us for quite a while. But since the girl in question refused to say anything, I guess I might never know.
"Nitori-san." I called her. And she flinched the moment I do that and quickly casted down her head. Figures. If she wouldn't say anything to her best friend, the reaction she would give me would be much worse than that. I guess we went back to square one again, eh? But the sentence she said before had quite an impact at me. "I'm glad to have you as a friend." I muttered that slowly, as if trying to savor each word she had said.
"Eh?" She reacted to that sentence she said before. She picked up her head at first, but then she quickly returned to casting her head down again after that. It was the first reaction she gave after she said that sentence.
Looking at her, I smiled from the bottom of my heart. My, what an honest fellow you are. I then shifted my gaze to the misfortune goddess.
"Hina-san, I guess she answered your question." At first, Hina looked at me with a confused look, either not knowing what did I meant by that or still shocked to realize that her whole conversation was heard by Nitori. But then her expression changed. Before, she wore an expression full of confusion. After that realization, her expression softened and she sighed. But she was smiling.
She then faced Nitori who were still looking tense. With a smile still on her face, she gave her reply.
"I'm glad to have you as a friend."
Different from the way she reacted to me, Nitori didn't just stand there. She slowly walked toward her and then put her head on her chest, hands still on her bag's strap. Without a sound, Hina embraced her friend while closing her eyes.
No one made a sound. No one cried. But from the looks of it, they got their message properly conveyed to each other. As an outsider, I've no role in this stage. The stage at that moment, was all theirs.
After waiting for a few minutes, the two close friends separated from each other. Both of their expressions had relaxed, but trace of mixed feeling still remained on them.
"Reuel-san," Nitori called me while still avoiding looking at me. "I want to apologize for my previous behavior. That was…" she paused for a few seconds before continuing, "very horrible of me. I'm... truly sorry."
"I also want to apologize, Reuel-san." Hina looked at me.
"I hope you are not going to apologize for her," I stated that bluntly, "I will not let you take that honor for her." Yes, I said honor. For one to admit their wrong and braved themselves to uttered word of apology is a very honorable things for me.
"No, that's not it," said the misfortune goddess as she shook her head. "It is for being jealous of you."
"Eh what? Jealous?" Did she really say that? Jealous? Of me? A goddess, jealous of me? Why? Oh, man. That word made a lot of questions for me.
"And to you too, Nitori." She then looked at her friend. "For taking light of our friendship."
"…Hina…" She could only look at her with a slightly saddened face.
"Uhm, excuse me. Do forgive me for asking this question, but why jealous?" I asked her with a slightly more confused look as before as I failed to rake my brain out for any possible reason. If I try to do more, I fear that my brain might short-circuit itself. And I don't want that. I love my brain and I don't have any spare for that. And it seemed that I was not alone in that thought as I noticed Nitori also shared the same expression I wore.
"This may take a while, is that fine?" Hina asked us. How long will it took, I wonder.
"Oh then let's move on to a more comfortable place, shall we?" Nitori said before disappearing again. I was going to say that your room felt the same in term of comfortableness, but I guess that wasn't the best time to say that.
And just as we sat at her living room–or workshop, for that matter– the host disappeared again.
"She probably went to get something to drink," said Hina to me.
"Really now?" I didn't expect that coming from her. But I guess the incident had some effect at her.
"While we wait for her, how are you feeling, Reuel-san?"
"Feeling? Fine, I guess. "
"And your bruises?"
"The pain is bearable, although I could feel that every times I take a breath." The bruises were on my part of body where it will move whenever I breathe. So yeah, it wasn't good, but not that bad either.
"I see. Unfortunately, I can't use any healing spell to help your bruises," said the goddess with a rather disappointed tone.
"That's okay. I don't think this will be that bothersome."
"Sorry for the wait." With that voice, the host of the house came bringing us a tray of tea. Oh yeah, never tried the tea brewed from a kappa before. Another new experience for me today.
"Let me help you, Nitori." And to add that I was being served by a goddess. I guess that made it two new experience today. Add the optical camouflage that would make three. Add the near death experience that would make four. If this is a game, my XP bar would rise so much that I would hear sound of gaining level over and over again.
"Here you go, Reuel-san." Nitori's voice brought me back from my mindless thinking. Oh, mindless thinking. A funny thing that is. "Uhm, Reuel-san?"
"Ah, yes, yes. Thank you for the tea." I said to her with a slight bow.
"…You're welcome." She then retreated to her seat, which was near Hina.
Okay, so the seating position alone had told me quite a lot what she was feeling. My guess was that Nitori probably still felt guilty at what happened, thus making her sat near the comfort of her friend and quite a distance away from me.
There were a lot of thing I could say and ask her, but let's leave that for now. For now, I want to hear what the goddess means when she said she was jealous of me.
"Now that all of us are here, could you start, Hina-san?" I said to her as I look at her.
"Very well then. First let me say that I'm really happy that you found a friend, Nitori." Hina said as she looked at her.
"…Me too, Hina." Even though she said that, her eyes told me otherwise. I have to let that go for now.
"But, I'm ashamed to say, I was afraid that after you found a new friend, my existence around you would be nothing but a burden." Eh what? A burden? Wow, that was a harsh way of looking at herself.
"What do you mean by that, Hina?" From Nitori's tone, we shared the same opinion. Although from her saddened looks I could see that she took that much worse than I did.
"I am a goddess of misfortune. People fear me because of that." She started her explanation with those facts first. "If you are associated with me, there is a chance that you will be shunned too, Nitori."
"But you're not like that!" She shouted to her, refusing to accept the horrible fact about her dear friend. Hearing her saying that, I couldn't help but smiled a little. I also noticed a thin smile appeared on Hina's face.
"Thank you, Nitori. But," she closed her eyes and then continued, "that is the fact. Nobody wants to be near a misfortune goddess. It is bad omen all together."
"What!? There's no way–"
"She's right, Nitori-san." I interjected her before she completed her sentence. I felt my voice was filled with hatred. It was not against Hina, but against the fact that they would shun her.
"Reuel-san!" Nitori raised her voice when she heard that.
"May I remind you that I've experienced that?"
"..B-But…" She seemed to be on the verge of crying, but she held it in her. Admirable, I must praise her.
"Nitori, you can't run away from that fact." Hina said with a gentle tone. "It is a fact attached to my existence. You have to understand, Nitori."
"Ugh, but Hina…" Nitori couldn't find the right word to finish her sentence.
"Don't be like that, Nitori." She gave a smile, a gentle and lonely smile. "Your feelings had comfort me more than what I could have dream of."
For a few seconds, there was only silence. Nitori looked to be holding her tears, but some of it was already welled up on the edge of her eyes. Hina looked calm, but I could notice her shoulders trembled slightly. These two's feeling really synchronized with each other. I envied them slightly because of that. Ah, if I kept thinking like that, I might darken my own mood.
"Is that the reason for your absence today?" I had to say something or I will lose it. Nitori looked surprise at that, unlike Hina. It seemed she expected me to realize that after what she had said.
"Yes, that's correct." Hina said with a nod.
"Then yesterday too?" Nitori asked her.
"…Yes." Hina said with tone dripping with guilt.
"You're avoiding me because you don't want me to be alone?" Nitori asked again. "That…That's just…"
"Nitori…" Hina looked to be on the verge of crying too. But she seemed to be able to hold her emotion much better than Nitori.
"That doesn't make sense, Hina!" shouted Nitori while standing up all of a sudden. "I know that I'm not the best of friend! I know that I'm an awkward person! I know that I am a dense person! My conversation is boring and revolved mainly on machinery and gadget! I know all of that! It doesn't take a genius to do that!" She shouted what probably be her pent up feeling.
"I-It's not like that–" Hina stood up, trying to calm her down. But her friend refused to stop the torrent of emotion flowing out of her mind.
"But I also know something else! I know that you are my friend! I know that I am your friend! I know that you are a caring person! I know that I can't even come close to your gentleness!" She then paused, whole body trembling and tears started to fell. "So why, Hina? Why are you denying yourself? Why are you putting yourself down so much?"
"Because I don't want you to be alone!" I was surprised to see that the usually gentle and calm Hina also shouted. "I know you're my friend! I know that I am your friend! I know that! I know that I worry too much about you! I know that I am always bothering you with trying to make you meet new people! But the fact remained, Nitori! If I still stay around you, you will suffer the same thing I had to!"
Watching the fierce fight on front of me, I was a bit dumbstruck. Both of them understood their own position. Both of them cherished each other very much to the point that they felt each other pain.
"…And that's why…I'm jealous at Reuel-san." Hina then said it while trying to calm herself down. She then shifted her view to me. "He, who had just come, offered you his hand. At first, it was just a whim of mine to make you meet him. It was just to make you come out of your usual routine."
"But then the rest of the event unfolded in a way you didn't expect at all." I finally let my voice out.
"Yes, you're right, Reuel-san." She nodded slightly. "You showed a true understanding of her, no, our loneliness. You said that you have experienced it too. I believe you, even if I don't know anything about you at first besides your name."
"Yes, you did, didn't you, Hina-san?" I tried to digest her words carefully. That was probably why she asked me to meet Nitori.
"At first, I was happy to hear you want to be her friend. Truly, I am." She said while looking to the space, as if she was reciting a poem. "Now that she has another friend besides me, she will become happier than now. That's what I thought."
"But then you thought that if you are around her, she might find difficulty to befriend another." I voiced my guess. "Is that right?"
"Not exactly, Reuel-san." She shook her head. "At first, yes, that is what came into my mind. But then I realized something else. What if the cause of her loneliness was me all along?" She shifted her gaze to Nitori. "Nitori, it is quite possible that the cause of your condition is me."
"W-What!?" She shouted after hearing that. "How? Why did you say that again, Hina?"
"Think about it. I am a misfortune goddess. I collect misfortune. But you seem to have no misfortune whenever I see you. But I myself still don't know the exact explanation for my own power." That sentence surprised me, although I kept my emotion calm and avoid showing that for the two to see. If that was true, than what she feared was not that strange. If she collected misfortune, where do those misfortunes went to? Even the chronicle failed to state any useful explanation about her power. And now to think that the goddess herself has no confidence in how exactly her power work. Her power had a lot of unknown point here and there.
"What if I affected you with misfortune unknowingly? What if those times I spend with you endangered you? What if I really was the cause of your loneliness? What if that was just a start?" She went on and on about the possibility she thought of, face showing both fear and worries. "If that is true, I couldn't forgive myself. I couldn't forgive myself if I really did hurt you, the one who had accepted me for who I am."
"Accepted you as who you are?" Nitori repeat the word her friend just said. "Of course I would!"
Hearing that, Hina smiled at her. Her smile now contained a much gentle feeling. It was not her usual mother-like smile. It was more like a smile full of gratitude for what she heard.
"After I thought about that, I was planning to slowly distant myself from Nitori. I don't want to endanger her. Yes, that was my decision."
"How could–"
"But then it changed." She continued on, ignoring Nitori's complaint. "If I really did leave you, you might be able to make new friend. You might spread your wing without anyone to restrain you. I'm sure of it. But then a selfish thought came into my realization." She looked at Nitori first, and then to me. After that, she stated what burdened her mind. "I will once again go back to my previous way of life."
"…Hina…Don't tell me…" Nitori looked at her friend in a horrified manner.
"Solitude." I spoke the word on everyone's mind.
"Correct, Reuel-san." She spoke with her eyes closed.
"Live away from everyone. Not a single soul near you." I looked at the goddess who still had her eyes close.
"…Stop."
"You will not interact with anything. Peaceful, yet empty. Tranquil, yet hollow." At that, I could see her shoulder trembled a bit, evidence of the current state of her emotion.
"…Stop."
"You'll talk to nothing. You'll hear from no one."
"STOP!" Nitori shout stopped my sentences. With that, I looked at her. "Please…stop, Reuel-san." She said that while hugging her own trembling body, unable to imagine the situation I've just said. I also noticed that Hina have also opened her eyes. Inside those aquamarine eyes I could see loneliness.
"Is that what you were going to do, Hina-san?" She just stood there.
"Please, Hina." Nitori who was still trying to suppress her own emotion walked toward Hina. If you looked at them carefully, Nitori's state was much worse than Hina. But I guess that was because she never even realized that her close friend was thinking about to do something so horrible and burdening her own mind from such a terrible possibility.
"I'm ashamed to say that…I really consider that." She took a deep breath before she continued. "After all, that was a sacrifice I'm willing to pay for her happiness and also to avoid anyone being hurt accidentally."
"You really think that it was the best solution?" I couldn't agree with her. Yet, I also couldn't reject that idea altogether.
"At that time, yes." I raised my eyebrow a bit at her answer. That sounded like a possibility of changing her mind was still present.
"And now?" I pushed the matter further.
"I'm…not so sure." She looked at me with a troubled expression. "I'm…lost, Reuel-san." She gave a tired sigh.
"Hina…" Nitori could only look at her friend who was torn between keeping her friendship and making the choice that will benefit the kappa engineer. Between those two, an invisible wall stood. It was a hard, cold, and unforgiving wall that separated the two of them. Both of them could see that wall, but both of them could do nothing about the wall. That's why Nitori couldn't come closer to her and Hina couldn't hold her dear friend.
I also could do nothing. She wasn't the only one who was lost. Both Nitori and I were too at the moment.
I, who had live a life of a loner, could understand her fear. At first, live of solitude seemed to be a life without anything to bother us. But, that is the problem. There is nothing. You could only see nothingness.
I couldn't say to her 'Just keep being friend' like that. It would be a careless and just a bunch of heartless and empty words. Words that were not thought enough before being said would be very dangerous. I couldn't say that at all as I couldn't find any word I could come up with.
"Yes, you! The one with the gloomy look on his face!"
Eh?
"But it's not too late, right?"
Why did those two sentences come into my mind? I don't think that–
"…I see." I muttered softly under my breath, avoiding the other party didn't hear that.
I picked up the cup left in front of me. I sipped the liquid inside it, savoring the taste of the tea. Bitter. Not very good. But still good enough to wet my lips, preparing myself for my next action.
"Hina-san, Nitori-san," I called both of their name. At that, they looked at me. "After this, treat me like I was speaking to myself." They looked at me with a confused look, not understanding what I just asked them to do. They sat while still staring at me.
"When I fainted, I had a dream. The dream was about a little boy, probably 10 years old. He wore a simple clothes, nothing fancy, but not too poor of a choice either. In other word, it's average. Not too good, not too bad. Average. Middle. Nothing special." I paused for a while, and then continued.
"Then a girl behind him asked him a simple question. It was an offer of friendship. The boy turned back, facing the girl, returned her question with one of his own. He questioned the reason. The girl said that it was fun being with other. The boy asked again whether it is fun all the time. At that, the girl was at lost. After that, the boy left." I looked at the two of them. I'm glad that they were still listening.
"Those are a fragment of my past." I put my hand to my chest. "I was that boy. I, questioned the purpose of friendship. I, questioned the purpose of being with other."
For a few seconds, there was silence. I continued after that.
"As a human, no, as a living being, we will always seek company. When you fell, you'll get hurt. When you get hurt, you'll cry. When you cry, you'll feel tired and your eyes burnt. It is those kinds of things that led people to seek company. "For their case, those two had already found it in the company of each other. I understood that.
"Is it always fun and game? Certainly not. There will be pain, sadness, and also struggle. But there's the difference." I leaned back a bit and used my hands as a support. As I stared at the ceiling, I resumed my explanation. "You fell, you get hurt, and your friends help you. You get hurt, you cry, and your friends console you. You cry, you feel tired, and your friends lend you their shoulder to lean upon. When it is their time in need, you are the one that will support them."
"Reuel-san, are–"
"Please wait," I said as I raised my hand toward Hina after facing her again. "Could you let me finish first, Hina-san?"
She went quiet and let me continued.
"Thank you, Hina-san." I thanked her while bowing my head to her. "I was not a person that likes to socialize with a lot of people. At first, it was because I don't want to be bothered with. I'm just a simple loner, preferring to enjoy my time without the hassle of interacting with other." I then took my cup of tea, sipped on it a bit, wetting my dry lips. "But then I realized what my true reason is for that."
"True reason?" Nitori asked with a concerned face. I nodded at her.
"I said that I'm just a loner, wanting to enjoy my time without any disturbance from anyone else. No, that was all lie and empty excuses. The true reason is that I am afraid."
"Afraid? Of what?" This time, it was Hina that asked. I looked at her, took a deep breath, and then gave my answer.
"Of being hurt. Of being rejected. Of being shunned." I paused for a while. "I'm just afraid to being in contact with anyone else. I…don't trust them."
A few moments of silence came over the three of us. I then looked to each of them. Nitori have that concerned and worried face. Hina had the same, but there was a bit of difference. Unlike Nitori, she looked to be contemplating on my words. The reason? We probably shared the same experience. Both of us had a very similar experience. We both experienced loneliness and rejection due to our existence; Hina with her existence as a feared misfortune goddess and I with my past as an abandoned child.
But Nitori was different. Her loneliness was shaped by her community that preferred to busy themselves with their invention rather than interacting with each other. And that community of hers survives with that mindset. Actually, I could see that Nitori was a revolutionary in her own community. She chose to interact with foreign party. But her awkward method and her lack of experience made it a bad memory. Hina, who had seen much more than her, acted as an advisor to her, pushing her to try something she had already failed to do.
"Reuel-san, isn't that–"
"Expected?" I cut Hina's sentence. She nodded at me. "Unfortunately, it is."
"But it's not too late, right?"
Heh, you're right, my friend.
"But then something happened. I'm glad that it was not too late for me at that time. I'm glad that I realized that at that moment or I will live away from anyone. After thinking, that was a bad idea. Yes, we will get hurt. Yes, we will get disappointed. Yes, we will fall sometime. But we can never walk forward without getting hurt, disappointed, or fall. That is a very logical thing."
Just as civilization learned to build great wall from their enemy and their needs to prevent losses, we human learn much due to unwanted condition and situation. Hina had learned so much from her failed interaction while Nitori was pretty much a blank canvas at the moment. But Hina was too afraid to make any new interaction, thus her reason for pushing her friend to do that for her. After seeing that, she learned that it was possible for her to do that as well. But once again, she was scared to do that. Nitori, dense as she was, couldn't see that from her, making her ignorance of her worries. Right now, Hina was at a crossroad. My role here was just as 'her' at that time, pushing her to do just that.
"Reuel-san, are you asking me to–"
"I am not asking you or telling you anything." Once again, I cut her sentence. I know that it was impolite of me, but I had to quickly give out my piece over this matter. "I'm just here with you to share my experience with all of you and hope that it may give you information to think it over. I will not ask or tell you to do anything." I shifted my gaze from one to another and then continued. "I repeat, I will not ask you or tell you to do anything. Do you know why?"
They stayed silent, sign that either they didn't know the reason or they just didn't want to say it.
"The reason is because you have to choose your own decision, don't let other make it for you. If it's bad, you will only have yourself to blame. If it is good, you can praise yourself. But to know what the decision will bring, your only choice is first to choose it and then walk that path you've chosen. I am here just to give you more information from my own experience."
"…I see." Hina replied with an almost unnoticeable voice.
"Nitori-san, do you have my equipment?" I asked her.
"Your equipment? O-Oh, yes, yes. Please wait a minute." She then leapt from her place and then ran to the back of her house, leaving me alone with Hina.
"Reuel-san, you will not ask me to do anything?" Hina said while keeping her gaze down, making her bangs covered her face slightly.
"I will not. Because I have my faith in you, Hina-san." I said with a smile.
"You have…faith in me?" She looked at me.
"I do. Because," I stood up and walked toward her. I placed my hand on her shoulder gently. "I am your friend."
"…My friend." She repeated that word slowly. She only gave me that small reaction. But that small reaction was all I need to know that she heard that.
Few seconds later, Nitori came back with my belt and with the equipment inside it.
"Here you go, Reuel-san." She gave it to me and I took it right away. I put on the belt and then checked my equipment, especially the thermal goggle. I tried it for a bit and found that nothing was out of the ordinary and it worked as usual. I'm quite glad to have that back in one piece.
"Are you going back?" Nitori said with a slight pleading tone. I know that she want me to stay here, but I have done my part in this.
"I am. Don't worry. I'll be careful on my way back." I said as I put back my goggle.
"You're not going to wait for my answer?" Hina looked up to me with worried eyes. I could also sense the same wish from her.
"I won't. You two had a lot to talk on. Poured your heart on each other, try to learn all you can from each other. It's not too late to do that. Don't wait until you can't do that. You'll regret that, I'll guarantee it." I said that with a serious tone, trying to emphasize how important that was.
"…I understand, Reuel-san." She nodded at me.
"Before I go, please stand up besides each other."
A bit confused, they did that. After that, I approached them, and placed my hands on their shoulder, one on Hina's, the other on Nitori's.
"I'm glad to have you as a friend, Nitori-san, Hina-san. Truly, I am." I closed my eyes after saying that, trying to hold back my tear. "You have shown me, a simple human, what friendship really is. You both care for each other, I envied that." They have showed me friendship crossing the boundary of race, of time. I have learned that from them. And for that, I was very grateful.
"Reuel-san…" Nitori's voice almost cracked. But I still kept my eyes closed and my hands on their shoulder.
"I'm… glad to have you two as my friend. And remember, whatever decision you choose, I will walk it with you together." I could feel my voice cracked a bit. This was something that I have come up from the bottom of my heart.
"…Thank you, Reuel-san, my friend." Hina placed her hand on my shoulder too. I could felt such warmth from a goddess that made me had to believe she was a misfortune goddess.
Nitori, on the other hand, only stood there with her shoulder slightly trembling.
After a while, I let go of my hand and then turned around to face the door quickly, trying to avoid seeing their face. I put my hand on the door, ready to exit the house.
"…Please, teach me more about friendship, my precious friends." I said that without turning around. After that, I opened the door and walked out the house.
I closed the door behind me and then I quickly walked to the exit of the village. After exiting the village, I looked up to the sky and found that it was already getting dark. Seeing that it might be getting dangerous, I quicken my pace to reach a safe road, probably around the path that lead to the Moriya Shrine.
Minutes later, I finally reached the path and found no one was there. But before I could continue my journey, I notice something was not right. I felt a warm feeling on my cheeks. I touched that spot right away, finding that it was tears. I was crying as I half run toward here. Finding a tree to lean on, I wiped my face and looked up to the sky.
"…Forgive me, Nee-san. I'm…such an idiot. I have only able to learn that today, Nee-san." I confessed to no one in particular while still looking up to the sky. My tears refused to stop streaming down my cheeks, wetting my face. I didn't sob or cry hard, but the tears kept on coming down. "…Please you two; don't become like me…." I wiped my face again. "It's still not too late."
*In an unknown part of the world
N: Helloooo to all of you out there! Once again, it is time for our small talk in the end of the show! I am your host, Mr. N.! And once again we have the ever diligent and intelligent, Yakumo Ran!
R: Thank you and glad to see all of you.
N: Your mistress is still on hibernation, I presumed?
R: Correct. Although I think this was getting a bit too late for her. Maybe the cold weather had something to do with it.
N: Ah, I could say the same. Lately the weather has been far too cold that my body felt rather sluggish.
R: Then how about doing some more training, N-san?
N: I have done that. I've done jogging for a couple of minutes after work, but the cold weather still win over me.
R: Then how about asking that hermit again?
N: Oh no! Please don't! Ugh, my back!
C: N-san, a-are you all right?
N: Fine, Camera-kun. The mention of her name alone is enough to remind me of my pain.
R: Forgive me for that, N-san. I didn't know.
N: Don't worry. As painful as it was, her training has made me realized that I need more exercise.
R: But on a moderate level.
N: On moderate level. Can't agree more. Well then, now how about we talk about our human journalist there? I have to say that he is quite fast in term of befriending those two, don't you think so?
R: Agreed. But I guess that is because those three has similar situation.
N: Oh, you mean like bird of a feather flock together?
R: Yes, that kind of way. Actually, I'm interested in that misfortune goddess exact power.
N: Why, if I may ask, Ran-san?
R: Well, most of the denizen of Gensokyo acquired powerful ability without proper knowledge of their power capable of. The misfortune goddess is one of them.
N: Hmm, I see, I see. Are you the same, Ran-san?
R: Fortunately, no. I have quite an understanding about my own power. Most of it is thanks to the effort of my Mistress, Yukari-sama. She taught me all I knew.
N: So it is like a mentoring, yes?
R: Correct.
N: Well, I personally interested at the technology those kappas have accumulated. It is very intriguing that they are able to do that in that kind of age.
R: Yes, that is because of the many things that passed through the border and wound up into Gensokyo.
N: Oh, so it's like they learn a lot from them. Is that what you are saying, Ran-san?
R: Yes. But I have to keep an eye about that too. Their rate of learning has been a bit too fast lately.
N: I see, I see. Well, then–
R: Ah, excuse me, N-san. I have a telepathy call from Chen.
N: Oh, yes, yes. Please take it first.
R: Thank you for that. Hmm, what is it, Chen?...Eh, you're what?...And she did what!?...Okay, okay, calm down! I'll be right there! Just…stay alive for now. Okay, bye.
N: That didn't sound too good, Ran-san.
R: I can't agree more, N-san. It seems that my Mistress has awoken.
N: Really now?
R: And she is hungry. There's no food at home right now since we didn't expect that she will woke up today.
N: …That's not good, right?
R: Not good at all, I assure you. Chen is right now running for her life since Yukari-sama threaten to eat her underlings.
N: Dear Lord!
R: And for that, I have to get back now. Forgive me for that, N-san. I'll make it up to you later.
N: Sure, don't mention it! Just get back to save her!
R: Thank you for your concern, N-san. Good bye for now. *Disappears into a gap.
N: Oh wow, didn't expect that, right, Camera-kun?
C: Yes, sir. To think that Yukari-sama can be that…uhm…
N: Better not say it, Camera-kun. You'll regret it.
C: Got it, sir.
N: Then I guess we'll move on to the reading of the comment from our loyal reader, both new and old! Let's see. First it's from raidouXVI. Nice to meet you and thank you for following the show! We hope you will still follow us on this show. And next is from illusion2438 ! Yes, he is a very different one from the usual you see there. I guess that is his charm, don't you think so, Camera-kun?
C: Yes, sir. He is a very unique character.
N: And we have one from an unnamed guest too. A visual novel, eh? Well the higher up did mention that one time. But as you know, we have no one to draw for us.
C: It is hard to do that without a talent in painting, yes?
N: Yes, it is, Camera-kun. It is that hard.
C: But if it did make into a VN, are we going to be there too?
N: Probably yes. Hope for the future, my boy. Hope for the future!
C: I will, sir!
N: Good! Is that all for today?
C: Unfortunately, yes, sir. It's been a little slow, don't you think?
N: Well, as long as we can provide good show, they will come, right?
C: Yes, sir. Agreed.
N: Than I guess this is goodbye for now. Don't forget to send us your comment (aka Review). Thank you for watching, have a nice day, and stay healthy, everyone! We'll see you next time! Bye!