Lost in My Thoughts

by Fxreflies

A girl arrives. The same way every other Glader did, but when she finds out she is a sibling with one of the boys in the Glade, the Creators harm him. Memories start to flood in the new girl's mind. Most people want her Banished considering how suspicious she looks. Things take a turn for the worst. Better than it sounds, I promise. [Irregular updates.]

10. Chapter 10

"Rise and shine, Princess," someone whispered. I could feel their breath on my face and neck.

I pulled the sheets over my head. "Ugh!" I grumbled. "Five more minutes."

"Oh come on, Lizzy. You asked me to wake you up. Now, get moving," the voice said.

I pulled the sheets just below my eyes and started to wipe the sleep away. Standing over my bed was Newt. He had a shy smile, bedhead, and his pajamas. "Really?" I asked.

"What? I just woke up too and I'll be watching and then taking a shower after you," Newt replied, tearing the blankets off of my snuggled body.

"Watching?"

"You know what I mean: keeping guard to make sure no one tries anything," he rephrased.

I rose my eyebrows. "How do I know you won't 'try anything'?" I questioned, jokingly.

"Last night," he started and I gave a nod. "When you came in this room and got changed," I nodded again. "I wasn't 'watching' you then, you know that right?"

"Yeah, but-"

"I didn't whistle or nothing. I just looked away; gave you the time and privacy you needed to change."

I sat up. "Agh, fine. Point taken. Give me a minute."

"Good. Once, two, three-" Newt started, his voice faded as he exited the room and shut the door softly.

I got up and slowly paced around the room. Truth was: I didn't need anytime to get ready. I just couldn't hide the fact that I was smiling so hard. The fact that Newt feels comfortable around me. I just stood in the room until a voice similar to mine said the number 60. I walked out as soon as I heard it.

"Alright. You look the same. Which is to say, like klunk," Newt said, pointing to the stairs. "Let's go."

"Thanks," I replied and followed him down the stairs. We went to the bathroom in silence. I just smiled, and it said a thousand words.

"Okay, Lizzy, go inside the shower, close the door-" Newt started.

"I know how to take a bloody shower, slinthead," I interrupted, walking into the last stall.

He let out a small laugh. "Oh, slinthead," he repeated. "Where'd ya hear that one at?"

I closed the door and locked it. "Winston," I answered, remembering of yesterday when he caught Cole and I. I then finished stripping my dirty body of my sweaty clothes when I heard a small whoosh! and looked around me. Out of my back, left pants pocket, laid a small piece of paper. It had a vanilla coloring and was folded many times. I bent over to pick it up. I then went to unravel the slip, thinking, why haven't I noticed this before? I stopped once I saw the four words I knew I never wrote on the folded paper:

For Newt's Eyes Only

"Princess, to take a shower, you need water," I heard Newt call from the bathroom door.

"Thanks for the tip," I yelled back. I placed the slip of paper back in my pants pocket, not wanting to disobey the letter. Then I turned the handle and hot water sprouted out. I let it wash over my face for a minute, letting the seconds last. "Ah," I said, a bit louder than anticipated because Newt let out a small laugh once again. I ran my hands all through my hair, like it would get the nightmares and disappointment out. This stuff really works, I thought, as I placed a red bottle that I used for shampoo down. I then grabbed the soup and started to wash my filthy body.

How did we even get this water? I thought. Where there pipes underground, sprouting it up? If we dug underground, would we meet the Creators? I rinsed myself down one last time while the questions bubbled in my head. Then, I answered my own question: I don't care; I love it! I smiled and turned off the precious water. Then I looked around the small stall for my clothes and towel. The towel and clothes that I never brought down. "Newt?" I hollered, my voice echoing a bit.

"Still here," he replied. "What do you need?"

"Well, I'm getting cold," I responded.

"Take the towel and wrap it around you to dry. Then put your clothes on. Do you really need me to do it?"

"That's the thing. I don't have either of those."

"Is the basket still under your bed?" he asked.

I nodded but then remember that we were blocked off by a wall and he couldn't see. "Yeah."

"Stay here. I'll be right back," Newt said and I heard his footsteps get softer once more.

I truly did need some time to think. I have had time to think before, but this place was so strange. All of us woke up in this thingamajig with completely no recollection of our past. I never knew it was possible. Clearly, these Creators had a lot of power and money to set something like this up. But why am I the only girl? And the walls. Man, watching that never gets old. How to they close so...so easily? They are so huge and stony and full of growing, thick ivy. How is it possible something like this could even exist? The Grievers that come out at night will be able to climb the walls sooner or later, and what do we do then? I haven't seen any weapons but that knife Ryan cut me with. Can anyone even fight?

I have only been here three days and I am coming up with these ideas. Am I already forming into a full-blown Glader? Has anyone ever tried to go down the Box? Maybe if everyone got in a circle, we could have bounced ideas off of each other and get out. Time flies when you work your butt of in a strange place like this. And-and- that dream? That memory? I was not sure if it was a memory, but I had to be. I didn't know any of those people, yet they new my name.

It was only three minutes. Three minutes since Newt left and I already got so deep in my thoughts. I broke my own chain of thought. I wonder what that note says. The note. I should give it to-

"Did anyone else come inside?"

I looked up from inside the stall. "Not that I know of," I responded to Newt who was standing inside the bathroom with my basket of supplies and a towel.

"Not that you know of?" he repeated.

"Not that I know of," I said again.

"Ya sure?" Newt questioned. "Here I have the...things. Open the stall, I'll look away."

"Alright." I opened the stall, but still hid behind it. As I peered into the open room, I noticed the mirror again.

"Here," Newt said.

His eyes were closed and his face was looking away. I wrapped my fingers around the basket and pulled it inside the stall.

I started to dry myself when I heard a bang. "Newt?" I said, a bit scared.

"Don't worry, I'm just looking through all the other stalls," he replied. I heard another bang, guessing he was kicking all of the stalls open, making sure no one was inside. After the bangs stopped, he sat down on a small bench and said, "We good."

"I have something for you," I said out of nowhere, after my body was dry.

"Mhm?"

"I have something for you."

"Like?" he questioned.

"Gimme a minute," I replied, throwing a red shirt and black pants on after my body was completely dried. I opened the stall and walked out, my hair in the towel, drying. Hooked around one arm, I held the basket and in my other hand, I held the note. I pushed it Newt's way. "Here."

"What is it?" he asked.

"I have no bloody cure. Has your name on it, though, so here," I answered. "And Newt?"

"Still here," he repeated from before, looking at the note, then my face.

I placed the basket on my lap after I sat down next to him. "I had a really weird dream."

"Princess, we all have weird dreams. One of the joys of getting your shucking memory wiped." He looked back to the note. "Is this true, or a joke?" he asked. "Because it's not funny."

"I don't know what it says," I answered.

"C'mon, Lizzy. Stop playing."

"What does it say, you shank?" I begged.

"The note reads, in different writing than the cover: I know you wont remember, but neither will I, that you are my brother, and our parents have died. Then, in the same writing as the front, it said: Keep her save; her replacement will be there shortly. "

"Wha-" I started but stopped because out of all the people in the Glade, no one could finish it.

"And there is this," Newt said, showing me a picture.

On the back of the picture, it read "Welcome Lizzy and Newt" in dark, thick, black pen. Similar to the front. I flipped the photo over. There were two kids curled up, hugging each other about to walk through a door. Once was female, the other male. The male was taller, most likely older, and the female was smaller and holding on to her brother. Newt and I. It was so clear: you could his eyes and my hair. We really did look alike, and having the same accent lead us both down the same path. I looked up from the picture completely shocked. Newt was looking in a mirror when I walked up and look next to him. We were both able to look at each other in the mirror. Two siblings.

"We do look like brother and sister," he exclaimed. "Almost twins but I think I'm older." I didn't speak. I just stood there, looking over us both. "Maybe you should tell me what happened in your...dream," Newt said.

And so I took a deep breath and nodded, then told him everything. How I was looking in the eyes of this person - who was most likely me - and talking but I didn't know what I was talking about. That I wasn't getting any sleep. How the other girls knew me. What they looked like. The place were where at. All white walls. All females in the room. It was so strange. I got it all out even thought a few times my vision went blurry and I held on to the wall and Newt held on to me, keeping me up.

Newt didn't say anything once I finished. We were still siting in the bench. After a few minutes of silence, he asked if I can remember anything else.

"Like a name?" I asked.

"Yeah, a name, place, time, anything," he replied. "This might help us finally get out."

"No, I can't remember anything and it's getting on my nerves. No matter how hard I try-" I responded.

"Hellooooo?"

Newt and I both shut our mouths and looked to the bathroom door. We then scrambled to get hidden. I grabbed the note and picture off of the bench and stuffed it in my pants pocket. Then I grabbed the basket and towel to follow Newt behind the last stall.

"Helllloooo?" someone said again. "Am I allowed to come in?"

"He already knows we are in here," I whispered quietly just so Newt could hear. "You should just go and see who it is."

"How do you know its a he?" Newt jokily asked as he slowly stood up. He walked out behind the stalls and to the front door where the person was standing.

"Holy klunk!" the secret person yelled. "It's only me."

Newt let out a big puff of air and looked back into the bathroom. He motioned and called that I could come out.

"Am I bothering your social moment? Should I leave?" The voice got suddenly familiar.

I came out from behind the line of stalls and my attention was grabbed by the new boy, leaning on the doorframe. "Minho? What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I don't know. It's not that I was forced to live here about three years ago," he responded and when no one laughed, continued. "I was gonna wash my wash and hands with cold water before I went to run - because I like the way it feels when I get sweaty, but I'll leave if you two want some," he paused and looked between Newt and I, "time alone."

"Oh slim it. She took a shower and I kept guard," Newt explained. "We didn't do anything."

"Yeah. That explains you two being in the shower together," Minho said, rubbing his chin like he was in deep thoughts.

I thoughts about how Newt and I were siblings and we would never have some, as Minho called it, 'time alone'. "We were thrown off guard by some shuck-face that yelled 'Helllloooo?' inside the bathroom and ran inside," I added, trying to sound casual.

Minho pointed at me. "Shuck-face. Good one. But I still don't believe you."

You would believe me if you knew what we knew, I thought.

"Lizzy, you have more Keeper training today," Newt said, breaking the conversation and looking to me.

"What is it today?" I asked.

"Builders," Minho interjected.

I nodded and put my things back in my room. Then when to breakfast. After breakfast, I went to work with the Builders. It was tough. I broke just about every tool the boys gave me. I was lucky that no one snapped on me like the tools snapped. Hammer, screwdriver, wrench. You name it, I broke it. Then, I was told to build a new door for the Homestead. There were two other boys, plus Gally and Cole, who were trying to help me. But it didn't work out well. I ended up breaking the door handle, twice. The Builders let me roam around the Glade because I didn't do well at all. I managed to find Newt and we chatted. Then lunch and dinner rolled around and we had our casual table talks. Tomorrow, I'd be trained by Frypan. See if I was worth to be a chief. When the day did rule around, I knew, in fact, I was not Glader food making worthy.

My pancakes tasted like horse klunk and my sandwiched were lopsided. I even got thrown out of the Kitchen. Which, Frypan said had never happened before. I spend my next couple of days doing more Keeper work. There were Baggers, Bricknicks, and Sloppers. Baggers did all the dead people work and guarded the Glade. Bricknicks took care off all the heavy work the Builders couldn't. Sloppers did all the dirty work that no one else wanted to do, like clean the toilets. Those days when by quickly. I guessed that no one wanted a girl on their team, so I just shrugged it off and wondered around with Cole. I was starting to like him more and more and he was defiantly getting to the top of my 'Favorite List'.

When it was time for me to train with Zart to be a Track-Hoe, I kind of wanted Newt by my side. Him and I got more busy as time passed by. Sure, we did have our late night conversations, but they were getting shorter and shorter because of the Job Trials. I really needed sleep. But being a Track-Hoe was hard. I failed to pick and pull the tomatoes out from the gardens all day. I couldn't even grab a weed and yank it out with out messing up. Zart said I got on his last nerve and sent me away to toil with Cole again. It was so convenient that Cole was a Builder. There were plenty of Builders so Cole normally just stood around and watched since he wasn't good at any other jobs.

Together, we wondered into the Deadheads. It was almost lunch time and the walls should be closing in a few hours. So the Runners should be returning few hours. The Glade wasn't hot. It was the perfect temperature.

"I am going to be a Runner," I said once we were deep enough that no one could hear us. "No one thinks that I can do anything because I am a girl. That's why I am always hanging with you."

"Excuse me?" Cole asked, laughing. "It takes months to be a Runner. You just came here a few days ago. Remember that, Greenie?"

"So I'll be sure to run extra fast."

We climbed up a few trees and laughed when I fell down from the low branches. Cole was able to reach the top of most trees. Bloody Builders with their muscles.

"Have you been a Med-Jack yet?" he asked as we walked back to the busy part of the Glade.

I shook my head. "Nope. That's tomorrow, I guess."

"I think that job'll fit you nicely," Cole said. "It's like a doctor."

"Well yeah!" I said. "I'd be a great doctor-Med-Jack-thingy!" Pause. "If I knew anything about medicine and saving people's life!"

"Funny," he replied. "Well, Jeff and Clint will treat you nicely if that's what you are worried about. They are the two Med-Jacks. And by the way: we have medical books, so there is lots of doctor info in there for you to read so you can save me after I fall from the first branch that's basically touching the floor."

"I've been inside the Hut before, Cole. I've met them both," I said.

He looked confused, but then the thought of my first night rushed back into his and my own head. Poor Caleb...

"Yeah," he said. "I've been trying to forget that."

"Me too, Cole. Me too."

We continued our little Deadhead adventure until everyone filed inside the Kitchens to eat. We raced to get the food...and I won.

I sat down at our usual table. "Hello, Newt. Alby." I nodded towards them both.

"Hey, Lizzy," Newt exclaimed. "How was being a Track-Hoe? Zart told me you ran off with Cole."

"Ran off?" I repeated. "That boy is a lying sack of klunk. He got rid of me by saying I wasn't worthy enough to pull weeds." I took a bite of my sandwich.

"Zart? A liar?" Alby questioned. "You much really not know how to pull weeds."

"Uh-huh," I replied.

"Well I think you'd be a good Med-Jack," Newt said.

"That's what I said!" Cole added.

I dropped my sandwich and rolled my eyes. "I want to be a shucking Runner." Shucking, again? I was catching on faster than I thought.

"Greenie, you are not gonna be a Runner. Get that out of your klunk-filled head. You get me?" Alby pushed.

"Sure," I responded. "But I am not hungry anymore. Thanks." I picked up my leftover food and dropped it into the trashcan. Then, with my head down, I started to run to the Deadheads. No one - not even Newt, my brother - had faith in me that I'd be a Runner. It felt horrible knowing that no one thought I could do anything that was actually worth their time. Was it because I was a girl, because that is ridiculous?

I felt Newt's and Cole's - most likely - hand on my shoulder but I shooed them away. I felt something fall, but I didn't stop running. I just wanted to get away. And when I reached the Deadheads, I dropped down at the corner of the Maze walls, sliding slowly. I wasn't hungry. I wasn't cold. I was disappointed. I stood up again and started to wonder around the think denseness of the trees. I found the Graveyard. I looked to the closes cross stuck out of the ground. George. I'd be better of dead than suffering in this place. I looked at some of the other crosses with names. Justin, Scott, Nick. There were so many; the names when on and on. Nate, Brian, Michael.

But why? Why was I here? Why were we all here? Why were we all suffering? Being forced to suffer. It didn't make any sense. Why was I the only girl? What in the world did that note mean and was it even true? The note. I checked my pocket. Empty. "Shuck," I mumbled. If someone finds out about that... I stood up and slowly followed my tracks back. I didn't find it, so that means. "No," I whispered. "It's in the Kitchens."

But if I was right at it being Newt's and Cole's hand, that wouldn't be so bad, would it? If Cole found out? Not as bad as someone like Ryan, were he would go after Newt more just to bring me down. If that was possible. If I could be brought down even more than I already was. Rock bottom. But if you hit rock bottom, the only way to go from there is up. It's too late, I thought. I am already in the ground. I let out a huff. The Deadheads was quiet. It was the only place I could think and actually get somewhere - not that doing that was a good thing. It was so quiet. I went back to the Graves and leaned on George's large wooden one. Then I cried. And cried. And cried. And I let it flow.

My life is a joke.

I slowly stopped crying and stood up again. Plenty of time has passed. I could tell, I smelled more food. Dinner time. But I was still confused to the max. But his time, I was finished with it all. I pushed myself away from the Grave and ran. I sprinted at top speed towards the center of the closest wall. I wasn't going to live this horrible life that was forced on me. I had always gotten in trouble - just the few days I was here - but this time, there would be no consequence because I wasn't coming back. An echo boomed throughout the whole Glade. Sparks flew from the bottom of the Maze's opening as it began to wake up, getting ready to shut for the night. A night in the Maze. I was going to die in there. I was going to meet George and Justin and Scott and Nick and Nate and Brian and even Michael.

I almost tripped as the booming kept going. I am going to make it through those doors, I thought, and end my pointless life. I didn't want to run to Newt. Or Cole. Not even Alby or Minho. But if Newt really was my brother, wouldn't I be killing him too? It didn't matter. We just met and I was too lost, never to be found again. I scrambled to the edge of the Glade, just reached the opening, when I slammed into someone. The doors were less than three feet shut. I backed up, my hands on the person's chest, and looked to their face.

"Minho?" I questioned.

He nodded. "Man, you are one crazy Shuckette," he exclaimed, trying to grab my wrist and pull be back to where the rest of the normal Gladers were eating dinner.

"No!" I yanked away from his grip.

"There is a fine line between brave and stupid," Minho said. "You are gonna die in there!"

"You have a nice life here," I said, glancing back to the door. I had time. "I am a mistake; I have no place here." I turned my head fully around and started to run towards the half way closed doors when Minho grabbed my wrists once more. It felt his figures tightly wrap around me - it would definably leave a bruise. He wasn't joking around. He was seriously being serious. Trying to save me, at the only time when I didn't need saving. My left foot was over the line separating the Maze from the Glade when he dragged me back inside.

We slammed on the still warm grass. I dropped on top of Minho and he let out a small cry of pain. The doors, behind us, banged shut, closed for the night. I would have to wait. I let out a huff once more and looked under me, to Minho. I placed my hands on his shoulders and pushed myself up - purposely trying to put him in pain. I stood up. "What. The. Shuck!" I yelled.

I then wiped the dust off of my pants. Minho looked like he was in shock. Probably the closest he's ever been to getting stuck in the Maze over the whole night. Better yet, getting squished between the walls. But I know if it's a good thing or a bad thing that he saved me. Saved me from attempting suicide. Would I have to deal with a consequence? Or worse... Newt and Alby.

"I'm not going to let you die. Not on my watch, not period." Minho stood up and looked around. He took my already bruised wrist and yanked me to him. "Follow me," he said, as if I had a choice. Then, he pulled me to God knows where.