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...
One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castle stands
Upon pillars of salt, and pillars of sand
...
It has been almost two months since Gail had followed her urge to kiss the brunette in an interrogation room at the precinct. Two months in which Holly's patience had been put to the test at times, in which Gail had been trying to battle her own demons, silence her insecurities, break down her walls. She still didn't completely understand how it happened that Holly was still there, how she managed to not be fed up and leave, how Gail herself managed to run a little less.
Yes, things had gotten better since she so carelessly stood Holly up the night of their dinner date. Gail had certainly been trying harder, and in those rather rare moments when her guard was really down, when her brain didn't work nonstop, worrying about what might or might not happen, questioning every little thing, expecting hurt, betrayal and heartache behind every corner, she actually realized that she didn't even have to try all that hard. That in fact, a lot of it came naturally, that she trusted Holly a little more with each passing day, that the forces standing in the way of her own happiness got just a little weaker day by day.
It was weird. It was new. In those moments where she just followed her gut, when she just let herself be, she was truly happy. And she saw that same feeling reflected in the way Holly looked at her, smiled at her, touched her, talked to her, every time she saw her. She didn't completely trust that impression of course. She couldn't imagine making Holly as happy as the brunette made her – except when she just listened to what her gut told her.
Dov sure enough found her behavior conspicuous, if not alarming. He had been patrolling with Gail for two hours now. Two hours during which she was all smiles, humming along to the radio. She had even bought him coffee and brought cookies. Dov had certainly noticed that Gail hardly spent any time at home anymore, and he had already caught glimpses of this new, more mellow version of Gail. But he had himself been so preoccupied with Chloe ever since the shooting, that there was no space to really give it too much thought so far. And the few times he had confronted Chris with the strange demeanor and the whereabouts of their roommates he just brushed him of nonchalantly.
"Ok Gail. Would you please tell me what is going on?"
"What do you mean?"
"The corners of your mouth. They have been pointing upwards for the most part of our shift. And before, I heard you humming along to a Miley Cyrus song. Miley Cyrus!"
"Gee, Dov! It's a beautiful day, the sun is shining, Chloe is all being Chloe again, everything is good. I'm just happy. Aren't you happy, Dov?"
It was a beautiful day. It had especially been a beautiful morning, waking up next to Holly, feeling her soft skin pressed up against her in the shower. And the best part was, Gail's shift would end at 2 already, and since it was Holly's day off they had the whole afternoon – and night – to themselves. It's been some time since they had been able to go over their domestic routine, and Gail was very much looking forward to that.
"Of course I am happy! But you? I don't think I've ever heard you say that. Except maybe in the context of 'seeing that old lady with a cane trip and land in a puddle of mud made me so happy'. It's weird! It's creeping me out!"
"I'm sorry little Dovey." She smiled at him. Genuinely smiled. "Maybe you should just get used to it."
"I don't know if I ever will. So... Is there any particular reason you are so happy?"
Of course Dov had been suspecting that there was some guy responsible for the sudden change in Gail's mood. He was just really hoping it wasn't Collins or Chris all over again.
"Well yes, I suppose there is." She said as her smile grew even wider.
"Aaaand... Are you going to tell me what it is?" Gail contemplated her answer for a few seconds.
"Not today. But I will, sooner or later."
Dov knew that with an answer like that, there was no use in pushing her further. In fact, it was one of the most satisfying answers Dov had ever gotten from Gail, especially concerning her personal life. They drove around for another 30 minutes in relative silence, if you disregard Gail's humming.
Then the call came in. And in a matter of seconds, Gail's smile and happiness turned into deep worry lines and panic.
"15-09 responding!"
"Gail, I think that there are patrol cars closer than us!"
"Just turn the car around!"
With the look she gave him, there was no messing with Gail. He turned the car around and made his way to the indicated address, while Gail had hit the lights and siren.
The call was about a possible hit-and-run. A woman, late 20s, early 30s, was found in the middle of a street. No vital signs, traces of an impact trauma clearly visible, as the first responder had stated. It was Holly's street. Just a few houses down from where she lived.
McNally and Parker were already at the scene when they arrived. The detectives had been informed. As they approached the scene, Gail's eyes were fixated on the woman. Her face was pointing away from them. She had long, brown hair. Athletic figure. Holly's height. Gail stopped, still staring at the body, her jaw clenched, her palms sweaty. Her feet felt like lead. Her head was spinning. Her heart was beating so loudly that it drowned out all the other sounds around her. She was hot and freezing cold at the same time. Her stomach turned and contracted. She felt like she couldn't breathe.
Somewhere in the distance she heard someone call her name. Must be Dov, she thought. She didn't care. She took a few steps back and all of a sudden sprinted off, running towards Holly's house.
"Gail, what the fuck!?" Dov shouted after her, but got no reaction. He thought about going after her, but figured there was no use. He stayed and approached the first responder while the other two officers were still busy cordoning off the scene.
She rang the doorbell. Nothing. She banged at the door. Still nothing. She repeated all of it over and over again. It had seemed like minutes to her when Holly finally opened the door. She was still wearing the bathrobe Gail had left her in this morning.
Thank god. Thank god. It wasn't her. She's alive. She's here. Thank god.
Gail was panting, supporting herself on the doorjamb with her hand.
Holly's initial smile at the sight of Gail quickly turned into a worried frown.
"Gail? Is everything ok?"
Gail didn't reply, she just eyed Holly from head to toe, over and over again, trying to get her breathing under control, trying to settle her stomach. Holly looked past Gail and saw police cars parked a few houses down the road. She quickly focused back on Gail, trying to figure out what had brought her here.
"Gail! What is going on?"
Gail stormed into the house, shoving Holly out of the way somewhat roughly. She locked herself in the guest bathroom, emptying the contents of her stomach into the toilet. After several minutes she came back out and found Holly pacing back and forth between the kitchen and the living room. She spun around quickly as she heard Gail and approached her, eying her intently. Gail's neck and ears were flushed, but her face was even paler than usual.
"Gail, are you alright? You scared me! What happened?"
Gail closed the gap between them, placing her hand on Holly's chest. She needed to feel her heartbeat. She closed her eyes in relief and sighed. Her hands traveled upwards, cupping Holly's face. She pressed her forehead against Holly's and stroked her cheeks with her thumbs, applying a little more pressure than she usually would. They were standing still like that for a few moments, Gail breathing heavily, her eyes still closed.
"You're ok. You're ok." Gail whispered
Holly's arms were wrapped around Gail, her hands drawing soothing patterns onto her back. She spoke softly.
"Of course I am. But are you?"
Holly was sure that Gail's behavior had something to do with whatever was going on outside by the police cars. She still had no idea what exactly had happened though.
"I am now." Gail kissed Holly softly and then pulled her in even closer, hugging her tightly.
Traci had arrived at the scene in the meantime and was brought up to speed about what the officers were able to find out so far. She looked around, searching for Gail.
"Dov, where is your partner?"
"What the hell do I know? She just ran off into that direction as soon as we got here. I think she disappeared into one of the houses over there." He pointed in the direction of Holly's house, clearly annoyed with the blonde's behavior.
"Ok. I got it. You stay here until I get back!"
She made her way over to Holly's house. The two women were torn from their hug by a knock at the door, and Traci was invited in.
"Hey Holly, how are you doing?" She approached Gail, who was now sitting on one of the barstools at the kitchen counter. "You okay, Gail?"
Her voice was soft. She could only imagine what must have gone through Gail's head as they arrived on the scene. She knew what made her rush over to Holly's place.
Gail nodded. "Yeah. Sorry."
"Don't worry, it's fine. Listen. I'm really sorry, but I need you out there. I sent McNally and Parker out to divert traffic until we can clear the street. I need you and Dov canvassing the neighborhood to find out if anyone saw or heard anything. Can you do that?"
"Yeah. Of course." Gail nodded again and reluctantly hopped down from her stool.
"You can start with Holly, ok? There was no ID on the vic. I'll send you her pic to your phone though." She held up her phone, showing the woman's picture to Holly.
"Have you by any chance seen her in the neighborhood before?"
Holly shook her head no. However, seeing the picture, she began to understand what must have startled Gail into this panic.
"Ok. Well, take Holly's statement. But I need you out there after, alright? I will let Dov know you're taking this side of the street. Call me if you find out anything, ok?"
"Ok. Thanks Trace."
"Of course. Bye Holly, see you soon!"
"See you."
...
That hit-and-run was exactly what Gail had needed. Canvassing the neighborhood took hours and – surprise, surprise – did not result in any significant progress on the circumstances of the woman's death. What it resulted in, however, was huge amounts of paperwork. Thus, 2 o'clock quickly became 5, and it was almost 6 when she knocked at Holly's door. She has been here, done this before, many times. It was never like today. She usually waited at her doorstep in anticipation and excitement, but as soon as she heard Holly approaching the door, she was flushed with the peace and calm of Holly's presence. Not today though. Today her heart was thumping loudly in her chest, she felt a certain restlessness in her bones, a tension she wasn't really able to place.
Shortly after she answered the door, Holly found herself pushed up against it. Gail's body was pressed firmly against Holly's, her lips violently crashing into hers, kissing her with a fierce passion that was new to Holly. Her hands were roaming all over Holly's body, pulling and pushing, as if their touch was never enough. She cupped Holly's breasts, kneading them, feeling her nipples harden through the fabric. She placed her leg in between Holly's, grinding against her, her hands pulling on Holly's hips to increase the pressure, making Holly moan uncontrollably. "Holy shit! Gail... Fuck..." Gail increased the rhythm of her thrusts, quickly driving Holly to the edge. And then she stopped. She pulled back and stared at Holly. She could see it now. Gail's dilated pupils, her eyes the color of a brooding thunderstorm. It was pure lust and need. Gail unbuckled Holly's belt, unbuttoned her jeans and slid her hand down Holly's panties, making her sink into the touch, shivering. Gail's eyes fluttered shut and she released a sigh.
"God, Holly, you are so wet."
"Yeah, you do that to me."
She opened her eyes again, her face moving closer to Holly's, their lips almost touching. Her voice was husky, dropping an octave. "Holly. I want to fuck you."
Her lips cam crashing in again, accompanied by moans.
And Gail got what she wanted. Holly was bent over the kitchen table, Gail standing behind her, her body pressed against Holly's back. She inserted two fingers into Holly's slippery opening, then three, and started pushing into her deep and hard. Her other hand was working Holly's breasts first, and was then tangled in her hair, pulling it while whispering obscenities into Holly's ear. Gail had never been this aggressive before, but Holly wasn't complaining. She kind of enjoyed this rough version of Gail. She certainly enjoyed being fucked like this, knocking a pile of journals off the table as she was desperately looking for something to hold on to as her orgasm hit her hard and she screamed Gail's name.
Gail grinned happily. She had a hard time keeping herself in check, as witnessing Holly's pleasure had almost sent her over the edge herself. But Gail was not done yet. Not by a long shot.
She took Holly over to the sofa, where she went down on her, doing all the wondrous things to her that her tongue was capable of. Teasing her clit, licking up and down the full extent of Holly's swollen folds, tasting her thick juices, letting Holly taste herself in Gail's mouth, entering her with the tip of her tongue and finally, when she thought it too cruel to tease her any further, returning to her clit, circling it with more intensity, breathing in the musky scent of Holly, until the lightning bolt ran through Holly and the sound of Gail's name – among a myriad of other ministrations – filled up the house once more. This time there was no controlling herself though. Gail was so turned on by the sight and the sound of Holly, that she desperately needed some release. As she was pushing Holly over the edge with her tongue, she reached down into her pants. After only a few strokes of her silky wet center she collapsed into an orgasm of her own as the brunette watched on intently and lustfully.
When they had both recovered, they moved on to the bedroom. Gail was insatiable, making Holly come undone in every which way. Whenever Holly felt like there was no way in hell she could take any more, Gail put her right and brought her to even greater heights. Occasionally, Holly was allowed to reciprocate and have her name ripped from Gail's lips in ecstasy. But mostly Gail was running this show.
That night they went through all the different varieties of sex. At first it was feral, almost aggressive, but as the night progressed it became gentler, more soulful, tender and affectionate, each time. Holly had certainly had her share of good sex, great sex, sex in all variations. But she has never had sex like this. There was an intensity, an urgency, the yearning and the craving, that she felt in every one of Gail's touches, in every one of her looks, in every moan or sigh, in every breath she took. Gail was devouring her, she needed to have her, even the tiniest piece of her. She needed to have it all.
It was almost too much to take for Holly. She felt like she was going to burst with the intensity of it all. She never felt this kind of unleashed desire from anyone. She never felt this worshipped, and never this consumed. When she was on top of Holly, riding her rhythmically, rubbing their clits together, she fixated her with her eyes, held her gaze, made Holly do the same, until they climaxed together and rode out an orgasm that didn't seem to want to end. It came in wave after wave. And each time, Gail moved her face a little closer to Holly's, made her open her eyes again and pierced them with her sea of blue. Holly felt like Gail could see her soul, see everything. The vehemence of it made it hard for her to breathe and to swallow.
Holly wasn't entirely sure, but when they were in the shower together, she thought she had seen a few tears running down Gail's face as she explored and caressed her whole body with her lips. She thought she heard Gail breathe 'I love you' when they were entangled tightly, their silky centers brushing over the others' thigh slowly and rhythmically, savoring the build-up before their final release, before Gail screamed Holly's name in pleasure and pain one last time, and Holly screamed hers, under the light of the stars that shone just for them. Gail held her tightly, in an embrace that was tender and desperate at the same time. Even after they had come down, she wouldn't let her go. She clung to her as if it was their last night on earth. That's it, Holly thought, That's what this whole night felt like. Like their last night on earth. Gail's hands were running through Holly's hair, caressing her neck, drawing patterns on her back. Her touch was smooth, silken. It felt like love. Holly wanted to take in this feeling for as long as she could, but the night was taking its toll. She fell asleep exhausted in Gail's arms.
Gail laid awake for most of the night, holding Holly, caressing her, watching her as she slept peacefully. Whenever she pressed a light kiss to her forehead, a smile would creep into her face as she slept. She wanted to drink it all in, her beauty, her elegance, her essence. She was mesmerized. Her tears fell silently to her pillow.
When Holly woke up Gail was already downstairs, sipping her coffee and staring out the kitchen window. It was a joy to behold, this peaceful, utterly beautiful creature standing in her kitchen.
"Good morning" she finally said, after enjoying the sight of Gail for a little while.
"Good morning." Gail poured a cup of coffee for Holly.
Holly approached her from behind, affectionately wrapping her arms around Gail's middle, placing soft kisses on her neck.
"You know that literally every single muscle in by body is sore? I blame you for that." She grinned and kissed Gail's neck again, before the blonde spun around.
"Sorry." Gail said absentmindedly. Was something wrong? Holly would have expected some kind of sassy retort – or maybe a dumb smile full of post-coital bliss.
"You're dressed already. You have to go to work? If you give me half an hour to get ready I'll take you?"
Gail shook her head. "No need. I took Chris' car last night. Plus I should get going now anyway, I have to be in early." It was a lie.
"Oh, okay. Well it's probably for the best. Who knows if you could keep your hands off me in the car." Holly knew something was up, she just had no idea what it was, and she didn't want to give it too much importance, for now at least.
Gail set down her coffee and moved in to kiss Holly. Like last night, this kiss was something she never experienced or imagined before. It was lingering and soft. It was like a first kiss. It was happy and hopeful, and sad and desperate. It was fierce and passionate. It felt like Gail wanted to soak her up completely, like she wanted this kiss to never end. It was scared and tentative. It was determined and intense. It was loving.
Gail's forehead came to rest against Holly's for a moment. She pulled back, locking eyes with Holly, whispered "Bye". She turned around and headed for the door, looking back at Holly, taking a deep breath, before she slipped out, leaving Holly dumbfounded.
Her lips, her whole body, were still tingling with the sensation of what happened just now and last night. Her mind was racing, trying make sense of the events of the past 12 hours. Holly certainly wasn't complaining about a night like the last. And she wasn't complaining about being kissed like this, like an actual firework.
She had no idea how to place that kiss though. She had no idea it was Gail's kiss goodbye.
...
Nothing goes as planned
Everything will break
People say goodbye
In their own special way