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After the team has had dinner with Sharon, they all say their goodbyes, Andy had not made an appearance and Sharon's mind seemed to be distant the entire afternoon. She paces around the living room, suddenly feeling anxious. Rusty had left to his study group, with promises from the team that someone would stay. When the door closes she fidgets with her hands a panic arising from being left alone, she regrets telling everyone she would be okay. She tries to be strong, she tries to put on her armor; the one she learned to wear since such an early age. The one that life and its obstacles seemed to make permanent. The rage that creeps through her makes her tremble, the man she once trusted and that she gave her life to had slowly been taking it away too. Her marriage flashes before her and it almost makes her want to laugh at the absurdity of calling it a marriage. It was a farce.
Standing with her fists clenched as the emotions surge through her; the sound of footsteps makes her jolt, looking up in panic. "Sharon?" She freezes for a second, closing her eyes. Not again. Not again. She voices inside her mind waiting for angry hands to reach for her. Provenza stops seeing the terror on her face the way her body stiffens. He sighs silently, it wasn't pity. It was respect and care that made him feel sick seeing her this way. "It's me Captain." He says seeing her start to tremble, she had no way to control it. She had a sudden image of Jack returning, ready to finish off whatever he had started. She lets out a long painful breath that runs through her body like needles.
"Lieutenant." Sharon finally looks up at him and sighs dropping to the sofa, her body shaking. Her panic now was her inability to hide, exposing herself to her colleague. "I thought you had left," she fidgets with her hands, the words trembling through her. Provenza looks around and grabs the blanket on the single sofa and walks towards her.
"Sharon, It's alright," he lays the blanket over her shoulders wrapping it tight around her to make her feel comfortable and safe. "Breathe." It was an armor of some sort, protecting her from the evils of her own mind. He walks toward the kitchen bringing her a cup of water. He eases sitting next to her not wanting to frighten her. She takes the water, thanking him biting her upper lip causing herself some type of pain to keep her from feeling the one tightening in her chest. She doesn't drink the water only staring down at it; she could see right through the bottom of her cup. It felt too much like her own body, translucent and exposed to the world. "What brings you comfort?" She looks at him confused, tears in her eyes. "My daughter was attacked by her husband two years ago." Sharon wipes her tears. "The only thing that helped her was being wrapped in her blanket having me and her mother there, not close but in the house." Sharon smiles weakly. "It doesn't make you weak Captain." She reaches for his hand holding it tight, he squeezes it back. She was happy he didn't soften his tone for her, there was no pity in his voice it was honest. "What do you need?" She lets out a heartfelt sigh, he knew what she wanted but for some reason he needed her to vocalize it.
"Can you take me to find Andy?" She says softly. The sound of her voice makes him worry. He nods ready to help her stand up, but stopping knowing that the last thing she needed was contact. He eases the blanket off of her. "Lieutenant, I'm not trying to hurt him." He meets her glance the honesty in her words piercing through the sadness and anger in her eyes. "He was here after the attack and…" He hesitates but holds her hand. She looks down at the hold and back up at him shaking her head, she knows he doesn't need an explanation and probably doesn't want to hear it either.
They are silent on the drive, he sees she's not shaking since they have left her condo, he makes note in his mind to make sure she wasn't alone in her home again, until she was ready even if she argued. Sharon wonders what she is going to tell Andy. Just showing up at his meeting without asking. She glances over at Provenza ready to tell him to drive back but she focuses instead on the creases on his forehead. He was contemplating an idea she knew it well after working beside him. He grumbles making her look away. He knows that he has to do something for her. That Jack couldn't get away with this. He rubs the tension out of his forehead as they drive up to a community center Sharon looks over at him confused, not understanding where they were.
"He sits through several AA meetings," Provenza points at Andy's car parked in a space a few feet away. He unbuckles himself, she watches him nervously. "They aren't so awful." He encourages her, "they get daunting after two or three, but sometimes they're even helpful for myself," she nods getting out of the car. Her knees going weak and her throat drying up. What am I supposed to tell Andy? He sees the battle in her mind. "I wouldn't have brought you, if I thought it would upset him." He says honestly. She lets out a soft hum, smiling. She appreciated the words it gave her the strength to push forward. He walks beside her into a large group of people they sneak to the back as someone is talking. She sits back nervously not being able to spot out Andy. They sit through a second talk when she finally sees Andy stand up. Her chest conflicts slightly, she didn't know it till that moment but she was worried about his safety. She was sure he would have been the first to her condo; he hadn't gone at all. Something is wrong. He's upset. They were out of sight but Sharon is sure that if he paid close attention he would be able to see her.
"Hello, I'm Andy. And I have been sober for fourteen years four months and two weeks." There is a of hellos and applause, he gives a nervous grin. "We all know every day counts." There is a consecutive murmur, Sharon watches as he grips the podium in front of him inhaling deeply. "Is there ever a time I want a drink?" Sharon sits a little straighter hearing his voice go soft; the way his eyes betray his thoughts and she knows the shake of his head too well. He was about to lie and changed his mind probably scolding himself, it brings a small smile to her face. "Absolutely. It's why I've sat through three of these meetings; finally stepped up on a fourth today." He pauses for a moment looking at his hands still holding the podium, his knuckles going white. He needed to talk or he would explode, there was too many ideas in his heart and mind and they were all contradicting. "I am a Lieutenant and see murders every day and it never gets easier." Provenza watches Sharon shift in her seat, the way hearing Andy has settled the tension that surrounded her minutes ago surprises him. He was her comfort. "But today I shot my weapon to defend our Captain."
He shakes his head, Sharon looks at Provenza there is no guilt, no regret in his voice but pain; lots of pain. She squints at Provenza when he gets uncomfortable she looks back at Andy. "I'm not sure," he exhales deeply and smiles at everyone. He knew saying it out loud would liberate him from all that he had been carrying for moths. And if he was being honest it had been years. "The Lieutenant didn't pull that trigger. It was Andy the man, who fears losing her." Sharon lets out a soft noise closing her eyes, mirroring Andy and his slow breath and eyes closing for a moment. The feeling of accepting that he was in love with her and needed her didn't make him panic, it was liberating. "And that realization has me here." Andy finally says calmly his voiced filled with emotion. Provenza watches Sharon grab the water bottle and shift it nervously in her hands. She doesn't move right away her eyes piercing Andy, tears threatening to make an appearance. It can't be. She shakes her head and gets up quickly moving out of the room.
Provenza closes his eyes sighing. How he ever got in the middle of all this he would never know. He stands up and follows her. He walks outside and glances around for her then walks to his car but she is nowhere, he sighs turning around and watching as people walk out the community center. Provenza walks inside and finds Andy talking to a woman in the distance, Andy spots him and gives him a weary smile.
"You usually show up after two meetings." Andy tells him as the woman walks away. "You're behind today." Andy tries to smile but it fades quickly.
"I was hoping you wouldn't be such a selfish jack ass." Andy frowns, shaking his head. Even Lieutenant the grumpy bastard was kind to him through days like this. "You knew we were all with the Captain giving her our support." Andy rolls his eyes, he couldn't hear it not now. "Tell me, why didn't you, when you're always first in line? Today of all days you decide to leave her alone." He growls in anger. Andy can't take it, frustration reaching him.
"I am not talking about this." Andy says walking away from Provenza he couldn't listen to his long list of faults; he needed to clear his head. She has to hate me for taking that shot. Provenza looks at the door and closes his eyes both Andy and Sharon were both in pain and hurting and he was stuck in the middle. He knew he would regret his next move in the long run but he had no other choice.
"You get your things and get into that damn car and find her!" Provenza shouts across the room. Andy turns around eyes wide walking back towards him the anger and devastation in his friend's voice frightening him.
"Find her?" He says softly but panicked. "She's missing?" The thought of Jack putting another hand on her makes him shake in anger. Violent thoughts in his mind making his heart race.
"She was here, she heard you give your talk." Provenza says angrily. Andy wipes his face grunting in frustration. She knows and she ran. "She's walking, probably took a taxi. She's not going home." Andy frowns not understanding. "She can't be there alone, she panics." Andy nods patting Provenza's shoulder walking past him feeling like his heart is pounding in his throat. "Andy." They look at each other once more, "don't you dare hurt her!"
Andy doesn't move immediately seeing the threat of Provenza's words piercing him. His friend was putting the wicked witch in front of their friendship? There was something more to all of this. Andy nods, rushing out and pulling out his phone, calling Sharon but it goes straight to voice mail. He closes his eyes shaking his head. Where is she? He knew she wouldn't go out and do anything insane, but he didn't want her questioning everything they had been through. He had done it all as a friend as someone who cared and respected her, yes he was in love with her but he had never used anything he learned about her to his advantage.
He walks to his car and slams the steering wheel, he had messed it all up; he had lost her. He takes a deep breath. He would drive to her condo and wait for her there. Idiot, such an idiot. He starts the car, he would drive around until he found her. She won't be roaming the streets. He starts in the direction of the condo. Then breaks immediately hearing insistent and angry honking. He turns into the opposite lane. He knew exactly where she was.
Sharon gets out of the taxi handing the man some cash, he looks at her worriedly as she wipes her tears. She thanks him softly and takes a deep breath but it only gets stuck in her throat as she lets out a long sob. Taking a few steps, she bends at her knees, it was a weight too heavy for her to bear. Andy's words repeating in her mind, she expected them to feel light and joyful if she ever heard them but instead they make it hard for her to stand straight, making it hard to think clearly. Things weren't supposed to happen this way, it wasn't supposed to happen at all. It can't happen. She stands up shakily removing her heels, another part of her armor slowly being removed. It felt as if she was being ripped in pieces.
Andy pulls up to the parking space taking off his jacket and tie and getting out of the car. The salty air makes him sigh as he unbuttons the top button of his shirt walking closer to the waves. He bends at his waist letting out a long breath, looking up again making sure he wasn't imagining things and he lets out a sigh of relief. He doesn't hesitate; whatever happened he just needed to make sure she knew that before anything he was her friend. He would always be her friend. He walks up to her as she sits in the sand legs curled up. He can't see her face but he knows she's crying by the way she's breathing, the way she's trying to hide even though no one is around. He feared that he was responsible for her tears; that with his confession he had broken her trust. He stands beside her and she looks up a moment of worry strikes her then wiping her eyes when she sees him.
"Can I join you?" He says softly pointing at the spot beside her.
"How'd you find me?" She whispers not being able to manage anything more. Andy puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs looking at the ocean. He doesn't miss the fact that she doesn't consent to him sitting with her; it's another way of her running and she was pulling away.
"It's always been your getaway." He says naturally, she holds her breath. "You always talked about your parent's beach house," he looks behind her at the small house several feet away. "When Jack and you had that big blow up years ago, you came out here." She looks up at him wiping her tears that are never ending. She squints trying to read him but he won't look at her. It made her want to yell at him, it made her feel even more broken.
"You gave him the address." She says shakily. "He didn't know anything about it and he showed up that night." Andy shakes his head looking at the water. He had always loved it for the calmness and easiness of it but at that moment it seemed as conflicted as him; a battle within itself; waves coming from different directions one threatening to take over the other.
"Just made sure you were okay broke rules and looked the address up, I came and checked on you. You were sitting in this same spot." She lets out a long breath putting her lips against her knee. She was starting to cry with every fiber of her being, too much emotion to keep it silent. "I was going to come over but you called me while I was making my way and asked me if I knew any divorce lawyers." She lets out a long whimpering cry and she pulls her legs closer to herself; she was too exposed. "We were going to meet up the next day," he stops and glances at her, the way she looked so small made him want to sit and hold her, cradle her in his arms. It was taking everything to hold back. "You never showed up. When I saw you again you said you didn't need it anymore, something happened." She takes a long shattering breath at the sound of sadness in his voice. It still pained him, she had hurt him all those years ago and she had no idea. "Only Jack started coming out with us; you didn't take my calls anymore." He doesn't take his eyes off the water.
"Andy?" She whispers the name coming out muffled. "I found out I was pregnant that night." Andy looks down at her but she's looking forward now. "I was so convinced on leaving him because of his drinking, but," she shakes her head trying to control her breathing. It was keeping her from talking clearly. "He showed up and found the test and he promised me he'd change. I stopped going out because Jack said he needed the moral support, seeing me going out wasn't fair." Andy listens carefully, struggling to not bend down and wipe her tears, hold her hand, rock her in his arms. "I didn't know he was out drinking with you till months later. After that I was just so angry at him, I blamed you too." Andy nods, he already knew that. "I had one drunk, I couldn't deal with another." Andy stays silent the words hitting him like ice. "I didn't mean it that way." She shakes her head at the insensitivity of her words.
"You did." He says honestly. "And it is the truth, you felt that way then." When she sees she hasn't hurt him she makes a small squeaking noise. He looks at her and sees she's trying to stop herself from crying. "May I?" He asks for a second time pointing beside her, when she attempts to smile he takes it as the okay to sit next to her. He bends his knees not looking at her focused forward arms on his knees, he looks at her hand when it grazes his arm.
"You changed, you made a life for yourself." He looks at her eyes, her hand holding his arm tight. "You were always an incredible friend. I was just so angry that Jack couldn't care as much as you did." She lets her head fall when she knows he can see so much through her eyes, it was all her emotions on edge. He was here with her again after running away a second time. He was looking for her like he had done all those years ago. "So I pushed you away." She lets out quickly tears rushing down her face. He leans over and kisses her forehead at the sound of her voice breaking again. When she doesn't pull away he wraps an arm behind her rubbing her back. A long breath escapes her, she needed this contact since the moment the gun had been pointed at her. She needed Andy.
"After losing everything, and that includes you, I had no choice but to sober up. Even if it took me several years to figure out. " He says softly, thankful that she wasn't pulling away.
"You didn't lose me." She says softly but she knows what he means. She had changed, the woman she was had become dark and guarded. Both their lives had taken course without their consent and had made them strangers.
"I did." Sharon closes her eyes at the tenderness in his voice. "It took me over twenty years to get you back." He looks at her as she lifts his arm moving closer. He can't suppress the joy in his heart as she turns into him arm wrapping around him and nose in his neck. She inhales the scent that she longed for when he wasn't around. He closes his eyes her breath warm on his skin, his hand gently finding a pattern of soft circles on her back holding her close. He can feel the warm tears as they run against his skin. He turns and kisses her forehead and pulling her closer noticing that she isn't looking for a shoulder to cry on but an embrace. He knows he's made the right choice when she makes a tender noise. They stay that way for several minutes. She moves her hand from around his waist he motions to move his arm but when he sees her wiping her eyes he doesn't dare move.
"You came looking for me," she finally lets out softly. His fingers stop running circles and he nods. His other hand gently squeezing her knee. She smiles at the gesture, feeling his hand tremble. "Is there something wrong?"
"Provenza told me you ran off, we were worried." He says nervously letting his hand rest against her knee when she doesn't seem to mind.
"He told you?" Andy nods and he sighs thinking about her almost being shot, how things could be more painful. Sharon pulls away and he curses losing the contact, he knew she was trying to distance herself again. He had reminded her of why she had ran away. Sharon needs to see his expression but he looks away untying his shoes, she watches as his eyes sadden. She reaches to put a hand on his back, but stops mid gesture. He removes his shoes stretching his feet in the sand, putting his shoes and socks to the side. They both knew they needed to talk about it that avoiding the topic would only hurt them both. She couldn't lose him and he couldn't lose her.
"I can't have you disappear on me again." He says softly, making her heart sink at the sadness in his voice. "So what I said, what I did that made you run away again from that meeting." He looks over at her tears running down her face she shakes her head embarrassed that she can't make them stop. He raises a hand she closes her eyes as he wipes the tears gently. Sharon leans into the caress before he pulls away; her cheek resting in his hand; the feeling of Andy's fingers caressing the cheek that throbbed in pain from when Jack had attacked her makes her release a teary sob. He pulls his hand away brushing her hair behind her ear, his heart breaking at seeing her struggle to keep composure. "I can't go twenty plus years without you again, so let's imagine as if it didn't happen. I need you in my life." He says honestly. He looks over at her and smiles then looking behind her. "Have the key?" She looks at him confused. Then turning around when he leans his head at the house, she shakes her head. "Maybe we can break in?" He motions to stand.
She panics, differently from the one of being alone, from the one of realizing how Andy felt about her. They couldn't leave things like this. She didn't want to forget. He looks at her worriedly searching her expression.
"Sweetheart, what is it?" The panic of losing this chance, the chance of being held by him, spending days in has company, his hand laced with hers. A chill runs through her body at the thought of his lips on hers. She lifts a hand and places it on his cheek, her fingers caressing as she admires him. Sharon doesn't know what makes her do it but her hand sneaks behind his neck and she leans forward slowly pressing her lips on his. It's tender almost as if a greeting to a friend. He stays calm not trying to read too much into it, when she feels his hesitation she pulls away. She looks at him, he only smiles weakly, trying to compose himself. A friend. A kiss from a friend.
"I'm not running." She says softly closing her eyes longing to be connected to him afraid that it wasn't enough for him to understand that she felt the same way he did. She leans forward again and he sighs registering her intentions. He responds gently but enthusiastically his hand running up her back sending a wave of warmth through her body and under her hair holding her by her neck. She lets out a soft noise, both her hands holding on the sides of his face at the gentle feeling of his lips. Sharon pulls away again eyes closed it was still just as innocent as the first, but it meant so much more. "I don't want to run." Her breathing is soft and full of emotion. He smiles not believing he has her this way, talking about more than friendship. "But I can't jump into this. There is too much that needs to be fixed. I need to find myself," her voice trembles as she finishes, "before I get lost in you." He presses his forehead against hers taking a deep breath, her eyes closed but he keeps his open trying to read her. The tears that touch her cheeks are different, they were in new territory. Their friendship still intact but they were no longer hiding in the shadows of their feelings.
Andy takes her hand and kisses it softly, she smiles at him opening her eyes when she feels him standing. Sharon worries that he's leaving her alone but he kisses her forehead. "I'll be right back." He says grabbing his socks and shoes as he goes. She nods watching him walk away and turning to watch the waves. She takes a deep breath and feels it fill her up with calmness. She closes her eyes and smiles, lightly placing her fingertips on her lips. She turns back when she hears footsteps, questioning Andy when he holds out his hand she takes it as he helps her stand, grabbing her shoes and handing them to her.
"Where are we going?" Sharon questions with a tremble. He smiles and bends lifting her into his arms, she lets out a small gasp. "Andy?" She wiggles.
"Now don't kick and scream or I'll drop you." He says teasingly letting her ease into his arms when she meets his eyes. Then walking towards the house. She looks at him and finally gives into her bodies begging request and lets him hold her properly. His heart flutters when she rest her head on his shoulder, closing her eyes she could feel her exhaustion taking over, the way his smell calmed her. She opens her eyes when he stops moving, lifting her head and smiling when she sees the door is open to the house.
"You broke in?" She asks amused, he looks at her and catches the first glimmer of a smile coming from her eyes. "My parents will have you arrested." She says almost giggling.
"I think you forget that we are the cops, plus if they didn't want break-ins they wouldn't leave a key under the mat." She just smiles expecting him to set her down but instead he walks toward the bedrooms. She suddenly tenses in his arms, she knew Andy and was sure he would be respectful, but she had never been carried to bed this way.
"You just need to rest," she looks at him and sees that he's looking at her. Andy had felt her tense had seen the worry etch across her face. "You panic at home, which means that you probably haven't slept." She smiles weakly as he sets her in bed. She sits up watching as Andy grabs the blanket at the foot of the bed. "Now come on, lay back." She hesitates but listens her head making contact with the pillow feeling glorious. He places the blanket over her pulling it up over her shoulder as she lays on her side. He walks to the window and opens it letting the soft breeze run through the room.
"Andy, thank you for saving my life today." He turns around and looks at her guilty face, he sighs sitting beside her and running his fingers through her hair.
"Just sleep, we will have time to talk about it after you rest." When he pulls his hand away, she grabs it not looking at him trembling as she laces her fingers with his waiting for a moment as she enjoys the feeling of her hand fitting perfectly with his. She closes her eyes, a tear trickling down her face. "I'm not going anywhere. I promise." He says softly when she pulls his hand closer to her. He watches her tears stop and her body relax into the mattress a peace across her face.