Bearing in mind that this is a Downton Abbey site, I am very grateful that you've stuck with me (at least I hope you all have?!) as I have indulged myself with the storyline of two very minor characters and that several of you have mentioned how much you are rooting for them. It's time for their tale to reach a conclusion now – enjoy! (and there's some Sybil/Tom at the end of the chapter, do not fear!)
Kieran heard the sound of female footsteps as he lay under the chassis of the Ford Focus and before long spotted a pair of scarlet pumps standing to one side of the vehicle.
"If you'd like to go into the office" he called lightly "Jackie will take care of you."
"I don't want to speak to Jackie" came an unmistakable voice "I've come to see you."
He gave a deep sigh and pushed himself out, looking up at a clearly apprehensive Gwen, who offered a hesitant smile. Rising to a seated position, he scowled and muttered
"What do you want?"
Gwen took a deep breath "I come with two things…firstly a heartfelt apology…" she lifted up a brown paper bag and attempted to appear jovial "…and secondly, lunch!"
"Well you're about two weeks too late with the first…" he responded with a surly glare "…and I've got my own lunch in the fridge here."
Gwen fleetingly appeared a little vulnerable before drawing back her shoulders and continuing in a more sombre tone.
"Yes, well, I thought you probably wouldn't want to talk to me for a while."
"You're right…" he conceded "…and I still don't want to talk to you."
Gwen ignored this sentiment and opened up the bag, peering inside "I've brought your favourites…a BLT…ham and mustard crisps…and a homemade scotch egg!"
Kieran looked at her incredulously "You've made me a scotch egg?" he asked, unable to believe what he was hearing. Gwen looked momentarily confused and then gave a brief giggle.
"No of course not…it's homemade at the deli up the road."
"Thank God for that…I thought for a moment that you'd had a complete personality transplant." The corners of his mouth twitched briefly and Gwen watched him with caution.
"'Fraid not" she admitted and offered a brief smile. "Look, Kieran…I do really want to apologise properly and if you just come and let me do that, you need never speak to me again if you want….just a few minutes?" she looked at him pleadingly and he sighed with resignation.
"Give me five minutes to get out of these overalls and wash my hands."
When he returned, he looked outside of the garage and grimaced "Are we really having a picnic in February?"
"Where's your sense of adventure?" asked Gwen "Come on…it's not that bad out there today…where shall we go, up to the common?"
Kieran shook his head "It takes ten minutes each way and you said I only had to stay for a few minutes…there's a kids' playground a couple of streets away…I take Aiden there sometimes…we can sit on the bench."
As they sat down next to the deserted swings and slide, Gwen lifted out a sandwich for herself and handed him the bag.
"Thanks" he acknowledged with obvious reluctance and began to eat.
"Well?" he asked a minute or so later "I'm listening…."
Gwen cleared her throat and felt her cheeks starting to flush, but turned to look at him earnestly.
"I am so…so sorry…" he nodded and waited for her to continue "I was completely out of order and I should never, ever have come round that night."
It was apparent that Kieran had no intention to making the situation less uncomfortable for her and she carried on, trying to stop her eyes from wandering elsewhere with embarrassment. "I was a jealous idiot and shouldn't have ever put you or Rhian, never mind Sybil and Tom in such an awful situation."
"Correct." Kieran nodded with an element of satisfaction, aware that he was rather enjoying her obvious discomfort.
"Have you been able to sort things out with Rhian?" she asked awkwardly.
"She doesn't want anything more to do with me."
"I'm sorry." Gwen looked at the ground, her prepared speech now faltering. "Did you really like her?"
"I was trying to." he replied truthfully "Did you know that she called Sybil a bitch?"
"Yes, she told me last week…it wasn't very fair, but I understand that she was upset."
"It was completely out of order…Sybil went out of her way to be friendly."
"Yes, well she would…she always does."
"Mmmmm…" Kieran paused momentarily "So, you've said that you're sorry but are you going to explain to me why?"
"Isn't it obvious?" asked Gwen blushing faintly and avoiding his gaze.
"Because you didn't want me, but you didn't want anyone else to have me either?" he suggested.
"No."
"That's how it looked to me."
"I was just jealous…I wished it was me there with you that night."
"It could have been, Gwen…you were the one who walked away and avoided me."
"I know" she sighed with genuine regret.
"You don't know what you want, that's your problem."
"I think I do now, but I realise that it's too late."
Kieran didn't respond but looked impassively at her as he munched on the remainder of his sandwich.
"You're not making this very easy for me, are you?" Gwen suggested and he gave a sardonic laugh.
"Well, what do you expect?! Anyway…I really don't know what you're trying to say."
"I'm just telling you that I really like you…and I'm sorry that I walked away…I wish I hadn't but I panicked."
"Why?" he asked with frustration "I didn't try and push you into anything."
"I know" she replied quietly
"In fact, I was absolutely delighted when you told me you wanted it all to be casual and non-committal…it sounded right up my street!" She smiled fleetingly before he continued.
"And I know you're under the impression that I moved down here partly because of you, but I'm being completely truthful when I say that I didn't…I first mentioned it to Tom before I even met you…you can ask him that."
Gwen nodded and Kieran persisted "I mean…I was happy to think that we might see a bit more of each other, but I still wasn't expecting it to be anything heavy…"
She sighed deeply and glanced briefly again in his direction. "I was unnerved by it all…" she admitted "…after that weekend at your new flat…I've never opened up like that to anyone before…well not to a man, anyway…not since…" she stopped suddenly and scratched her head in discomfort.
"Jack" Kieran offered and she nodded. "I'm nothing like him."
"I know."
"Then what made you think that…"
"I realised that I was falling for you big time" she interrupted, now avoiding any eye contact "and the last time I was head over heels for someone…well you know what happened."
He didn't answer, but looked straight ahead without any apparent emotion as she continued.
"And I felt…I mean, maybe I was wrong, so correct me if I was…but I felt that it had changed for you too after that weekend and suddenly I felt really claustrophobic and I…I just took the easy option and walked away."
There was silence for a moment before Kieran responded. "It had"
Gwen chewed anxiously on her lower lip "And now how do you feel?"
"I don't know" he sighed and rubbed his head in frustration "You know, I'm not a complicated man Gwen, I'm really not…I just want to enjoy myself, do my job, spend time with my family and friends…" he hesitated for a moment "…be with a nice girl."
"And I'm not a nice girl you mean?" she asked with sincerity, wanting to have some genuine reaction from him, regardless of its content.
"You're screwed up to be honest… I'm not saying that it's your fault, I mean that Jack sounds like a complete wanker, but I'm not sure I'm the right person to be able to deal with all your insecurities…"
Gwen nodded gravely as he carried on "…I've been a bit of a…well not a wanker I hope, but a bit of a jack-the-lad I suppose in the past, I guess, but I do have a heart in here" he patted his chest gently as he spoke "and I don't really want to set myself up for another episode in which you decide that you're claustrophobic or frightened or unsure or whatever other emotion you display…and decide to disappear again…I feel a bit vulnerable myself…" He waited for a moment and offered a weak smile "…and those aren't words that come out of my mouth on a regular basis."
With a resigned glance in his direction, Gwen sighed internally and nibbled one of her nails.
"I can understand that" she admitted finally "I could sit here and promise that I won't, but I'm not entirely sure myself and I haven't proved to be very reliable to date."
"I'm sorry" he replied truthfully and wondered if he would subsequently regret his decision.
Her head bobbed up and down as she considered his response, the content of which had not surprised her. She felt surprisingly emotional and took another half-hearted bite out of her sandwich in order to try to briefly divert her thoughts.
"I know I said that you needn't ever talk to me again after this" she added cautiously "but in reality, I do hope that we can be sort of friends."
"Isn't that what everyone says in these types of situations?" Kieran replied with a wry smile.
"Well, for Syb and Tom's sake as much as anything."
"Yes, I know."
"I don't want to make their lives more awkward than necessary…I mean, they're bound to get married sooner or later, I should think and you know…they'll have children and all that…we might both be godparents and I'd hate for us to be glaring at one another over the font."
He raised an eyebrow "You've certainly got it all planned out…your godparental role is pre-determined, is it?"
She nodded, smiling "I've already told Syb that I don't want to be a bridesmaid…I'm not standing up there next to clothes horse Mary and skinny minnie Edith, looking like a cart horse on show…"
"Stop it!" Kieran interrupted with frustration "Don't put yourself down like that, you're gorgeous." They both fell silent at his unexpected compliment and its implications.
"I mean, I've never met Edith…only Mary, but I'm sure you'd outshine them both" he muttered, avoiding her gaze.
"Thank you…that's very sweet, I wasn't fishing for compliments, I promise."
He nodded and gave her a brief smile before looking away again. Gwen recognised a potential moment of weakness and pressed on.
"Well, at least you don't find me completely hideous now…" she laughed "…I couldn't be friends with you if you did!"
Kieran suddenly leant forward on the bench and put his head in his hands "Aaaghhhh" he muttered, mostly to himself "I don't know what to do…" Looking up, he turned to her again.
"I don't fit in your world, Gwen"
"What's that supposed to mean, I wasn't aware that I live in a different one from you?"
"All your doctor friends…I'm a mechanic for God's sake."
"Now who's got an inferiority complex?" she replied, raising an eyebrow in jest "Honestly, you don't really think like that, do you?"
He shrugged "What will they all think of me when I can't keep up with their high-brow conversations?"
"Kieran…." Gwen spoke slowly, not wanting to display her internal frustration "I don't know what you think doctors talk about off duty, but your probable future sister-in-law is hoping to be one and you never seemed to have a problem talking to me…I can't think of one of my fellow students that wouldn't want to chat to you because of what you do for a living and if they did…well, I wouldn't want anything to do with them either!"
There was a further silence before Gwen dealt what she felt was her final hand.
"Look…the ball's in your court, Kieran…I'm not going to beg. It's cost me a lot of pride to come here today…" she paused as she observed him nodding in appreciation "…but I knew that I owed you an apology and I wanted to tell you how I feel." She took a final deep breath "I think we were great together with hindsight and I was stupid to walk away…I'd like to give it another go but I completely understand if you don't want that any more or don't feel that it's worth it."
He didn't reply, but peered again into the paper bag and reached in for the scotch egg. "Want some?" he offered, holding it out to her, but she shook her head. Taking a large bite, he glanced back at her and began to nod his head "Very nice…thank you."
"You're welcome. Homemade." she reminded him and her mouth twitched slightly.
"By someone else" he added solemnly.
"Well of course…you wouldn't want one that I'd made, I can assure you."
"Would you know how to make one?"
"Not really. Is this some kind of test?"
He shook his head and started smiling. "No…I'm biding my time and making you sweat."
"Hardly…in this weather."
"Yes it's bloody freezing out here, why couldn't you have taken me into the deli instead?" his tone was light and teasing and she felt tentatively hopeful.
"I didn't think we would have a proper conversation with other people around."
"So you thought that hypothermia might be a more suitable option?"
"Well at least we're talking."
He stood up suddenly and indicated with his head that she should do the same. As she looked at him questioningly, he unzipped his coat and gave an involuntary shiver as the cold air hit his torso.
"Now my brother would gallantly offer his coat in this situation, but I'm not as nice as him."
"Fair enough…I don't expect gallantry…I've already got a coat on."
"You can share it though…if you want." His hands were in the pockets and he pulled it open, taking a small step towards her. Gwen felt an overwhelming sensation of relief and delight as she finally understood his meaning and walked forward to meet him. He pulled the edges of the coat around her and squeezed tightly, while she happily wrapped her arms around his waist.
"OK?" she asked with caution, aware that her query had hidden depths. And her answer was satisfactorily provided with probably the sweetest kiss that she had ever known.
"I'm not sure that Kieran's going back into this with the greatest of confidence" smiled Tom as he read the text on his phone.
Sybil glanced at him questioningly, still glowing from the brief report she had received from Gwen about their reconciliation.
"What does he say then?"
Tom started chuckling as he read it out "You probably already know but I'm back with Gwen. Dead man walking…"
"Charming!" Sybil laughed "Oh I hope they work it out this time, I can't see them ever being lovey-dovey with each other, but they obviously have something worth holding on to. I've never known Gwen sound quite so pleased about being with someone as she was when she phoned earlier."
"You just want everyone to have a happy ending" teased Tom and smiled at her indulgently.
"Of course I do…now if we can just sort out Mary and Matthew."
"We?" asked Tom, an eyebrow raised "It seems that by staying out of Kieran and Gwen's love life, they worked it out quite nicely by themselves, so don't start trying to interfere in your sister's…I can't see any real hope for that one, anyway."
"Where there's life, there's hope!" Sybil declared "Now…are we going to book this holiday, or not?"
Tom reached to pick up his laptop from the floor and Sybil sat down beside him on the sofa. They had decided to indulge themselves with a week's break during the early summer, regardless of Sybil's response from medical school. The previous year, Tom had begun his new job in May and the limited annual leave he subsequently accumulated had been mostly covered by their few days in Dublin, Christmas, plus a couple of long weekends at Downton. He wanted them to take a proper holiday together before their funds became potentially more restricted later in the year. Although it was tempting to believe that they could lie happily on a beach all week, they both admitted that boredom was likely to set in and were trying to settle on somewhere that would offer additional sightseeing possibilities as well as guaranteed sunshine in the early part of the summer. After lengthy discussion, they had narrowed their choice to Crete and Rhodes.
"So when exactly are we looking at going?" Tom asked, reaching for his phone and looking at the calendar function.
"Well we have to avoid Mum and Dad's anniversary party" Sybil began and then gave a mock sigh of frustration as Tom's face made it clear the event had not registered in his brain. "25th May, Tom…I told you about it."
"Right!" he began to type into his handset "Silver wedding anniversary party"
"Not silver wedding, Tom…Mary's almost 28!"
He began to laugh "I'm just trying to imagine your Granny's face if your parents had got married with Mary toddling up the aisle after them…right, what's 30 years then?"
"Pearl" she replied, smiling.
"Did they not have a big party five years ago, then…" he looked momentarily sheepish "…sorry, I can tell from your expression that you've told me this before, haven't you?" She nodded with a raised eyebrow before he continued "…um, um…five years ago…you were 18, so…a-ha, your A levels!...See, I do remember!…they didn't have a big party because you were in the middle of your A levels."
"So we just went out for dinner" Sybil concluded.
"Right…OK then, so we're looking at June"
"We need to avoid the schools' half term, it'll be more expensive and I don't want to be away for Wimbledon, ideally."
Tom nodded his head "That narrows it down to the second or third week of June."
An hour and a half later, he waggled his finger in the air "Right…are you sure?" Sybil nodded and grinned. "Not going to change your mind?" She shook her head. "Don't want to look at yet another hotel and check that the pool isn't a better size, or the beach might be 20 metres closer?"
She stuck her tongue out at him "Don't want to see if you can shave another two pound fifty off the price?" she teased.
"Yeah, well you've always had money to burn…I'm careful." He gently squeezed her knee to show that he was speaking in jest and then rubbed his hands together. "Right…Crete here we come…click…done!"
Sybil wrapped her arms around his neck and leant in for a long celebratory kiss and he responded with as much enthusiasm as he could practically manage with a laptop balancing on his knees. As she pulled away smiling and rested her forehead on his, a thought concerning their earlier conversation crossed her mind.
"Did your parents get to their silver wedding anniversary?" she asked gently "Only you were 24 when he passed away?"
Tom sighed sadly and sat back into the sofa. "Just…but he was dying and we all knew it, so it wasn't much of a celebration."
"Did they mark it at all?"
He nodded "Yes, I flew over for the weekend and Mam did a little buffet…he wasn't up to going out and he was struggling to eat much by that stage. Everyone tried to be upbeat…it was awful really, lots of false jollity but all I could think about was that the next time I came back, it would be for his funeral and it was…about six weeks later."
Sybil curled her hand around his and he squeezed it tightly before shrugging.
"At least he had us all together for a weekend, I guess…I hope it was a comfort to him, I think it was for Mam." He closed his eyes briefly and shook his head. "I never talked to him about what was happening...how he felt…I felt so useless."
"You were there, that was the most important thing…no, no listen to me…you were his son, he had your Mum to talk to about that, he wouldn't have wanted to spend his last time with you just discussing his illness, he wanted to have some happy time with all of his children together and you came back so he could do that."
Tom smiled "You always see the best in me."
"There's lots of it to find" she replied and kissed him gently again.
"I'm looking forward to being married to you" he said earnestly, looking into her eyes.
"Then you'd better hurry up and ask me…"
Tom opened his mouth briefly, then paused, took a breath and closed it again.
"I think we need to know what's happening about medical school first, don't you?" he asked and Sybil nodded her assent.
"Yes, I was only teasing" she started to get up off the sofa and walk towards the kitchen, but hesitated in the doorway.
"I really thought you were about to ask me then, for a moment" she said and gave a little laugh.
Tom turned his head around so that he could watch her reaction to his reply.
"I was."