Chapter Nine:

The places that we've been before,

Aren't always going to leave us sore.

Rachel stretched herself out on the bed, scowling as she looked up at the ceiling.

Santana lay next to her, arms over her face, legs entwined with the covers, occasionally letting out a muffled snort of breath. Turning over, Rachel shivered.

Santana's jacket hung on the edge of the door, it's sleeve draped as though it was a person leaning on the door itself. The door was open and the dark behind it seemed to engross the room as Rachel watched, her imagination letting the jacket morph into a masked figure, advancing it's tendrils toward her across the room.

Shaking the sudden fright off, Rachel swung her legs out of bed and pulled her body to stand onto the floor, rolling herself out fully. Biting her lip and ignoring the clammy sweat on the back of her neck, she slipped through the door and down the hallway, following the sound of steady-paced breathing and the smell of white musk and fuchsia.

The comfort already spreading over her, she entered the living room to see the lamp beside the sofa still on and a mane of golden hair glistening in the light as it stuck over the edge of the arm.

"Quinn?"

The blonde mane twitched and Rachel watched as Quinn's head popped up over the top of the sofa as she sat up.

"Rach?" came the reply. "What are you doing up?"

Twisting her hands nervously together she made her way around the sofa to see Quinn laying out, her back propped up against the arm as she read a book beneath the light.

Rachel paused, taking in the sight of the glasses upon the end of Quinn's nose. They weren't thick framed, but they had dark black edges, framing Quinn's hazel eyes as she looked on at Rachel, confusion on her face.

"I…Tan's jacket…and…"

She tried to explain, regarding the slight smile that fell upon Quinn's lips as the girl moved the book to rest it on the coffee table. Shifting, the blonde threw back the blanket and sat up so her back rested against the back of the sofa, one leg falling off the edge of the couch, the other crooked at the knee, creating a small circular shape upon the cushion. She patted the sofa and Rachel moved forward tentatively.

The blonde pulled her down and she fell, sitting in the space between Quinn's legs, resting in her arms against her chest.

"Santana left her jacket hanging up on the door again huh?" Quinn asked and Rachel nodded against her warm chest.

Rachel couldn't explain the way she felt when Quinn had her arms around her. It was as though she were at peace with the world. Quinn's musky fuchsia scent lulled her into comfort. The warmth that spread into her and chased away the clamminess of her small panic was easy and slow.

She listened to Quinn's soft heartbeat, its rhythm driving but soothing.

"I keep telling her not to do that, sorry." The blonde added and Rachel closed her eyes, smiling at how sincere Quinn sounded.

"Don't worry. I can cope, just tonight I couldn't sleep and…I don't know…I just really…"

"Needed to go on a scary adventure down the dark hall and make sure I hadn't turned into a monster either?"

Quinn tried to finish for her but Rachel laughed and continued.

"Rather more I came on a short walk through a dark place to find you thankfully awake."

Rachel felt Quinn's chuckle vibrate next to her cheek as she looked up from her spot on the girl's chest.

"What were you reading anyway?" Rachel asked, moving her hand towards the book. When she couldn't reach it, Quinn laughed again and retrieved it for her, bringing it up to show her.

Rachel studied the book as she took it from Quinn's hands.

"I never knew you had such eclectic tastes." She admitted as she read the blurb to Leaves of Grass.

"Just like you never knew I could be nerd right?" Quinn mused back and Rachel nodded.

She handed the book back to Quinn and watched as she placed it upon the coffee table, removing her glasses from her nose and folding them at the arms, laying them upon the book. She rubbed the bridge of her perfect nose and leant back into the cushions of the sofa, Rachel shifting farther up her chest to rest her head on her shoulder.

"I never knew you wore glasses either." She added and Quinn chuckled.

"I thought you'd seen those pictures of Lucy?"

Rachel frowned in thought, pulling her head up from her shoulder to look into Quinn's eyes.

"But Lucy is you Quinn."

"Hence the glasses." Quinn grinned, tapping her nose and Rachel laughed, bowing her head back into the warmth that was the crook of Quinn's neck.

"I'm so tired." She confessed in a hysterical chuckle and Quinn smiled.

Rachel felt the movement as Quinn pulled the covers over the both of them.

"I still can't believe I let you sleep on the couch." Rachel yawned and Quinn copied.

"It makes no difference. I don't mind sleeping in chairs at all, their rather comfortable, like someone's arms around you…" Quinn trailed off and Rachel looked up.

"Are…" she stopped herself and Quinn looked down at her.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"Rach…"

"Are you comfortable?"

Quinn wrinkled her nose and inclined her head.

"Now, yes, in the morning I won't be."

Rachel stood from the couch and Quinn grabbed her hand.

"You don't have to leave. Just let me get comfortable then you can come back okay?"

She saw the encouragement in Quinn's eyes, the undeniable safety that emanated from them. Rachel nodded and watched as Quinn stretched back out upon the sofa, her head on the arm, her feet dangling slightly off the other end, her legs curved.

Quinn smiled, pulling covers off of herself and patting the space between her legs and the back of the sofa. Rachel climbed in, her legs in the space but her body atop Quinn's. Shifting slightly they both fell into a comfortable position, Quinn's arm around Rachel's back and Rachel's head once again in the crook of that fuchsia smelling neck.

They pulled the covers on to themselves and Quinn reached up to turn the light off.

"Can you…can you keep it on?" Rachel asked and Quinn obliged.

If she had asked, Rachel would have told Quinn that she didn't want to be in the dark, but the truth was, she still wanted to be able to see Quinn, her hazel eyes and the protection they weaved around her.

"Before." Quinn announced into Rachel's hair. "You were going to ask something different before."

Rachel bit her lip and nodded slightly.

"Yes, I was going to ask if you were glad you came."

"Of course I am. I would have left if I wasn't." Quinn replied in a half awake voice and Rachel sighed.

There was a silence as Rachel fidgeted slightly to look at Quinn's face.

She lay, her blonde hair cascading half over her pale face, mouth only the tiniest amount open, her eyes shut as the light illuminated her features.

Rachel couldn't help but gasp at how beautiful Quinn was in that state of unawareness. Or at least, she thought the girl was unaware. She was proved wrong when the mouth closed slightly only to turn up into a smirk as one glorious hazel eye opened.

Quinn peeked at Rachel through that one eye and closed it again, before opening both of them and regarding her with an amused stare.

"What is it Rach?"

Rachel shook her head.

"Nothing."

She settled her head into the crook of Quinn's neck again and felt the blonde relax once more beneath her.

"Quinn…?" came a small voice a few minutes later.

"Mm?" a grumble replied.

"You…You wouldn't have come if you didn't want too would you?"

She looked up and Quinn looked thoughtful with her eyes closed and forehead creased.

"I mean, you're not here just to make me happy, or, or shut me up, right?"

Quinn's forehead went stiff for a second and Rachel felt the rest of her body join the action before a laugh tumbled from the slightly ajar mouth.

"Rachel, stop worrying your little head, it's too late in both the situation and the night itself."

"Fine." Rachel pretended to huff but smiled to herself as she heard the eloquent side of Quinn take charge. It must have been from those books she read so often.

"Quinn…do you like it when Santana calls you Q?"

She felt the blonde shrug.

"Sure, it's part of me. I mean, she's been calling me that since like, middle school."

Rachel closed her eyes and muzzled into the thin but warm neck before her.

"I think I'm going to call you Q-tip then."

Quinn's whole body vibrated with laughter.

"What?" she spluttered and Rachel sighed.

"It's a personal variation on a nickname you stated to favour." She couldn't help but be so verbose when she was embarrassed. "I believed it was endearing, pardon me for thinking so. I can call you Quinn or Q if you wish…"

"No…no." Quinn stopped her with a hand to the top of her head. "I like it, I do."

Rachel smiled, her flushed face calming down as Quinn's fingers sunk into her locks unconsciously.

After a few more minutes there was more laughter, but this time it was Rachel's shoulders moving uncontrollably.

"What now?" Quinn groaned, half amused, half asleep.

"I just thought, of how a Q-tip actually looks."

"So?" Quinn asked, opening her eyes to meet Rachel's again.

Rachel laughed as Quinn stared at her.

"The body is really skinny, like yours and then the tip is really big, like your hair when it sticks out all over the place, and it's kinda fluffy too…"

Rachel could tell she was tired, her chuckles becoming more laboured and long, deeper and less controllable.

"It's perfect to represent you." She added and Quinn rolled her eyes, letting her head fall back upon the arm of the chair.

"Rachel."

"Yes Q-tip?"

Rachel watched a smile flash itself in the corner of Quinn's eyes.

"Go to sleep."

Bowing her head, she settled her cheek against Quinn's chest and felt the breathing relax.

"Goodnight." She murmured and couldn't stay awake to catch the reply.

"Tubbers."

She didn't dare rear her head from the little cove that was her sleeping bliss.

"Juno."

Nope, those fingers that grappled at the sweet air of unconsciousness were not letting go.

"Preggo."

The haze was vanishing and Quinn gripped at it with desperation, she couldn't wake up, she was so warm and comfy…

"Q-tip?"

Her eyes flew open.

It had been soft and sweet compared to the harsh whispering of Santana. Rachel's tone was questioning, coaxing. Quinn could not help but slip out of her dreams of the girl just to be with her conscious in real life.

Standing over her were the shadows of Rachel and Santana, with bleary eyes Quinn regarded their half lit faces. Moving to sit up she checked the time on the wall…4.07, what the?

And then she saw it.

The panic on their faces, the fright, the apology, the protection. On their faces she saw that she had been woken up for something bad, not something bad, something horrible.

"Whutsgoinon?" she felt herself mumble as the two shared a glance.

"Something's happened Quinn…"

Santana silenced Rachel with a look as they both sat in the empty spaces provided by Quinn's sitting up.

"Your dad called Q." the darker girl all but whispered. "We had no choice but to tell him you were here."

Quinn sobered up completely, turning to stare hardly at her best friend.

"Why would you do that?" she tried to say, but it choked after the first word. Rachel layed a hand over Quinn's and Santana met her eyes with a meaningful look.

"It's your mom." The other girl managed to say before Rachel took over after her voice cracked.

"Your mom's sick Quinn." Rachel managed quietly. "She's in the hospital. Your father said it's really bad."

She turned to look at Rachel, the brown instantly bringing her down to earth as her mind span out of control.

"Is she, going to…" Quinn managed to say, swallowing. "Do they know if?"

"He says she wants to see you before it happens."

With that Quinn fell back into unconsciousness as her world span. The darkness enveloped her as all thoughts of regret and guilt washed over her.

She walked down the hall of The Lima General Hospital, beside the large man that called himself her father.

Russell Fabray was quite tall to Quinn, but he always had been. She was accustomed to him towering over her, lean muscle, drunk on power, scotch and the gods good word, most nights Quinn used to stay in her room.

"Most nights" meant every night, until she heard the shouting. Then she'd escape through the window to Santana's, or Brittany's. After the pregnancy though she'd arrive at Mercedes' house, the later the hour, the more comfort was spilled onto her by the girl.

But Russell wasn't drunk now. He looked oddly dishevelled as they walked in uneasy silence down the hall. Quinn couldn't ask the questions on her lips, because a lifetime of morals based upon the phrase; "speak only when spoken too" were brought forward by just the sound of her father's footsteps.

He stopped outside one of the rooms along the hallway, causing Quinn to nearly collide into his stony body.

"She's in there." He managed to say quietly and Quinn avoided his eyes.

It had been a short plane ride. Santana had offered to drive but that would have meant Rachel coming. As much as Quinn loved Rachel, dealing with the too-far-away-but-closer-than-discussed pulling game when she was trying to contemplate what the fuck was actually going on would have just screwed her brain even further.

So she instead took the plane next to the techy Korean guy and the little blonde girl drawing happy family pictures.

Happy family pictures that reminded her of her own family.

Happy family pictures that never really scratched below the surface into the dysfunctional and angst ridden dynamics of a typical Stepford family.

Russell had picked her up from the airport, no greeting, a beckon of the finger as she carried her own bag to his car. Cold leather and the smell of aftershave, scotch and stale air freshener as they silently made their way to the hospital.

And now Quinn stood outside the room, looking through the slat blinds as she saw the form of her mother.

Cancer. It was always cancer; this time of the oesophagus. It was uncommon for someone to have it so young. It was uncommon for someone to drink as much as Judy could every evening. But however uncommon it was, there she lay, tubes going in, leading out, the sound of beeping and raspy breathing already evident through Quinn's ears as Russell opened the door pointedly.

She shunned eye contact as was proper, and stepped inside, letting him shut the door behind her surprisingly softly. Her deep breath echoed against the white walls.

"Hello?"

"Mom, mom it's me Qu-Quinn." She stuttered through a dry throat and wet eyes.

"Come…sit down…here where…I can see you." came the reply, Judy's voice cracking slightly.

She moved shakily across the floor and settled herself into the cold chair beside the bed. Looking down upon her mother she saw the woman's chest heave under laboured breathing, the wires moving with it.

"Mom…" she whispered, her heart breaking as Judy took her hand.

"Lucy." She spoke softly, looking into Quinn's eyes. "I know…you don't like it…but…It's who you'll always be to me…Lucy, Quinn…Fabray…my daughter."

The pauses in her speech where filled with rattling breath.

"Th-that's not because I am ashamed…of who you are now…I just want you…to remember where everything…be…beg...began." Judy smiled, her cheeks pressing against the wires going into her nose.

"Why didn't you call me when you first got sick?" Quinn asked, her hand clenching around her mother's.

"We…we didn't know where you were darling…" another choking sigh. "But…we know we could have found you…"

"So why?"

Judy looked up at Quinn, tears springing in both hazel pairs of eyes.

"I didn't think…you'd come."

Quinn let the gasp escape from her lips.

"Don't be shocked sweetie…it was a…a realistic…prediction…"

"I'm here now, doesn't that prove to you I would have been there then?" Quinn all but sobbed through her pain. "Why do you think I'm such a terrible daughter?"

Quinn watched Judy's eyes clench shut as she took a heavy breath.

"It wasn't to do with how good of a daughter you are Lucy…you are more than anyone could ask for…but it was everything to do with how good a parents were are…"

There was a pause as Quinn gnawed at her lip, the tears pooling themselves on the back of her arm as she leant against it to look at Judy.

"We never deserved your love or trust Lu...we hurt you so many times. We were never there for you when you…really…needed us…I didn't ex-expect you to-to feel the need to be there for me…because I never deserved…it."

"But I'm here now." Quinn repeated. "I'm here."

"I know darling…I know…"

Judy smiled, her eyes staring at Quinn as they glazed over with love.

"I'm glad your father got hold of you…I wanted to say…a few things…make a few things okay…before God…before God decided it was time for me…to go home."

Taking a deep breath, Judy squeezed Quinn's hand tighter and focused her attention on the words she was about to say, trying to control her breathing to make it take effect.

"Lucy, you are perfect. I am sorry we ever told you otherwise, you cannot understand how much I regret letting you go, both times I watched you walk away, knowing had I said so, you would be back the in a second." Judy took another breath. "I let you go though, it plagues me, and you must know that. But you are wonderful and I believe, when you left most recently, it made you who you are. I am just so sorry we could…not be…a part of that…"

Judy choked a little and Quinn steadied another hand on her cheek.

"Mom, be careful."

"I'm fine now you're here Lucy." The elder woman replied and Quinn tasted blood in her mouth as she continued the ministrations of her teeth against her bottom lip.

"We never stopped loving you, we just stopped showing it. That was the worst thing In my life I can say I have ever done."

Quinn shook her head and went to speak but a look from her mother silenced her.

"I have asked a lot of you…over the years…the largest request being for you to grow up so incredibly fast…especially after leaving you to fend on your own…but now…I will ask you to just do one more thing…"

The younger Fabray nodded, her teeth latching onto the last un butchered piece of lip in her mouth.

"You must go to your father…you must talk to him…"

"I'll say I'm sorry, I will mom. I'll say I'm sorry and I'll do anything." Quinn sobbed and Judy shook her head.

"No, you are to go to him and you are to tell him the truth; that you love him but you are not sorry. You are to go to him and talk, but it is your decision whether you let him do the speaking…he will do well to apologise and he knows that." Judy nodded to herself and Quinn sniffed. "All need from you is to say…that you'll talk to him."

"I will mom…I will I promise just please...don't give up."

"It is not giving up if the lord wills it Lucy." Judy replied tiredly and leant back into the pillows. "If you'll excuse me darling, it is not him calling but sleep…those lights make me drowsy."

Quinn swallowed more tears stood, squeezing her mother's hand before taking leave of the room.

Her father stood as she walked out, she offered him a calculating stare as he looked on with slightly open arms. Quinn could have spoken to him then, let him talk down to her and let him manipulate her. She didn't have the strength yet.

She instead walked away, knowing she would only once be brave enough to talk to him when it became true that what her mother had asked of her was truly her last request.