Warning: the following chapter contains implied lewd activities. Nothing is in detail, but the more dirty in the audience might be able to visualize it. You have been warned.
Feel free to complain about it in the reviews. (Or just leave a review in general, please, I'd like to know how I'm doing.)
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Oh sweet Celestia, please make it stop!
A/N: STARSHINE PERFECTION IZ NOTT A MARIESOO! AN Ben shud ONLEE be wit hr! Not Gwen er Kevn er Jooly er Kay or ny wun of teh biches u peepl menshund!
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Congrats, you just got the entire fandom to agree on something-specifically, offing you."
Nywais, on2 teh storee! It wuz teh prehlimynairees of teh Battul of twh Bans, n Starshine's ban wuz goin onstaij! But onlee aftr dese shitee rapurs did an akt wit deyr shitee rap moosic.
"Actually, I thought Snips and Snails' act was pretty good," Pinkie mentioned.
Sonata nodded in agreement.
Aftr teh shittee rapurs got of staij, Starshine's Ban wen on! Shee an Ben intrtwynd hans! (A/N: I luv luv LUV thees 2! 333)
"Gee, like that wasn't blatantly obvious before," Adagio stated, rolling her eyes.
AN den dey startd singn!
I don't like my mind right now
Stacking up problems that are so unnecessary
Wish that I could slow things down
I wanna let go but there's comfort in the panic
Sunset raised an eyebrow. "Again, I was expecting something more...sappy-romantic-sweet."
Fluttershy shrugged. "Maybe OmniLuvur's only requirement for a 'romance song' is if it's a duet between a male and a female."
AJ nodded. "Could be. Continue, Aria."
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything's about me
Yeah I drive myself crazy
Cause I can't escape the gravity
I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy
Holding on
To so much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy
You say that I'm paranoid
But I'm pretty sure the world is out to get me
It's not like I make the choice
To let my mind stay so fucking messy
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same
"That's because you're a Mary Sue," Pinkie retorted.
I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy
Holding on
To so much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same
I know I'm not the center of the universe
But you keep spinning round me just the same
And I drive myself crazy
Thinking everything's about me
I'm holding on
Why is everything so heavy
Holding on
To so much more than I can carry
I keep dragging around what's bringing me down
If I just let go, I'd be set free
Holding on
Why is everything so heavy
Why is everything so heavy
Why is everything so heavy
AN aftr teh song wuz dun, teh odyens cheerd!
Adagio snorted. "You wish. I don't think they even cheered for us, and we were the ones controlling them at the time!"
"Sues have the ability to do the impossible," Pinkie and Sonata responded. "JINX! JINX AGAIN!"
Bute den teh DAZSLINS! Caim on, led by tat beotch RATIRY!
Rarity groaned. "Oh, you're still here, are you?"
Ratiree let aout a laff an began singin!
Who's that sexy thing I see over there?
That's me, standin' in the mirror
What's that icy thing hangin' 'round my neck?
That's gold, show me some respect
"Um..." Sunset was at a loss for words.
Rarity blushed. "I can actually picture myself singing that..."
Sonata shrugged. "It sort of fits? I mean, technically we were singing a song about how great we were at that point in time..."
"Just let me read," Aria snapped.
I thank God every day
That I woke up feelin' this way
And I can't help lovin' myself
And I don't need nobody else, nuh uh
If I was you, I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
If I was you, I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
AN as tey wer singn, a montash hapind! It shoed evrywun preformin an teh Dazzlins and teh Ranebooms movin up in teh rancs!
"MONTAGE TIME!" Pinkie and Sonata yelled.
I walk in like a dime piece
I go straight to V.I.P.
I never pay for my drinks
My entourage behind me
My life's a movie, Tom Cruise
So bless me, baby, achoo
And even if they tried to
They can't do it like I do
I thank God every day (thank God)
That I woke up feelin' this way
And I can't help lovin' myself
And I don't need nobody else, nuh uh
If I was you, I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
If I was you, I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
Turn the bass up
Turn the bass up
Turn the bass up
Let's go!
"Because you know I'm all abou that bass, 'bout that bass, no treble..." Pinkie sang.
Everyone except Sonata groaned. "Pinkie, no," Rainbow said.
Sonata grinned. "Pinkie, yes!"
I thank God every day (say to thank God)
That I woke up feelin' this way
And I can't help lovin' myself
And I don't need nobody else, nuh uh
If I was you, I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
If I was you, I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
If I was you, I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
If I was you, I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
I'd wanna be me, too
AN den dey wen of teh staij an Rareeti flipd STarshine of! "HAHA wer gonna beet u!" SHee sed.
"I hope so, Fake Rarity," AJ muttered. "I really hope so."
Aftr teh prelimynarys, Pinkee declarid a sleepovr hr hows!
Suddenly, large buckets materialized in front of everyone in the room. Except for Fluttershy and Sonata, who got noise-canceling headphones instead.
Pinkie looked up at the ceiling, her eyes wide. "Please tell me this doesn't mean what I think it means," she begged.
Sorry, Pinkie. I couldn't do a parody Sue story without including one of these. And, of course, the headphones are there to protect the cinnamon rolls.
"I hate you so much right now," Pinkie growled.
Aria waited until Pinkie was done talking to the ceiling, then continued to read the book.
Evrywun wuz soopr happi an havin fun! AN Ben beet Ranebo Desh an ApplJak at a Soomo Slammrs gaim, and STarshine Perfection cheerd him on!
Rainbow raised an eyebrow. "Yet another in-character moment for Ben! I'm impressed."
"What's Sumo Slammers?" AJ asked.
"An in-universe video game and anime franchise. Ben's a huge fan of it," Rainbow explained.
Aftr teh gaim, evrywun wen 2 bed eksept Starshine an Ben. "I no wat ELS wii cud be doin..." shee sed seduktivly. (The real-grammatically-correct-author's-note: Sonata, Fluttershy, put your headphones on NOW.)
"Who's 'the real-gramatically-correct-author'?" Sunset asked.
"The person I've been talking to," Pinkie grumbled.
Sonata, meanwhile, had put on her headphones. Fluttershy had done so as well, though more reluctantly.
An so dey wen 2 teh gest room an heers wut happnd.
I refuse to go into details about what happened. Let's just say it involved a cat-o-nine-tails, skimpy leather outfits, perverse sexual lust, Rihanna music, and whipped cream. If Christian Grey were to read this, he would apologize to every woman he's had a relationship with, sell his *ahem* toys, and go join the church.
Needless to say, by the end of the scene (which lasted an agonizing seven pages), everyone was throwing up in their buckets-except for Sonata and Fluttershy, who were just confused. Which is a given, since they couldn't hear anything.
"Whipped cream was not meant to be used that way..." Pinkie gagged.
Rarity was looking much paler than usual.
Thirty minutes passed before Aria dared to read the book again. Fortunately, she just had a few more sentences to go.
Dat wuz fun! Nex chaptr, teh Rainebooms go agenst Trixy an teh Illooshuns! Hoo wil win? FInd aout nex ytime!
Adagio moaned. "Okay, I'm not too familiar with the anatomy of a human male...but I think most of that was biologically impossible."
Sunset groaned in agreement. "And it's my turn to read again. Great."
Aria passed the book to her.
Pinkie glared up at the ceiling. "I will have my revenge," she growled.
Considering I control your life-including your fourth wall breaks-I find that highly unlikely.
"Touché..."