-10-

The screams of the youngest child still rang in his ears as he jolted awake.

Blackwall pushed himself up by the forearms, taking in heavy breaths as if he'd been running for miles. He glanced over to his left, catching sight of the morning sky and the hint of dawn out the opening of the barn wall. No sense in trying to go back to sleep now.

He expected to see Ellana curled on her side sleeping away. But emerald eyes blinked up at him instead.

"Couldn't sleep?"

Ellana shook her head. "Did for awhile. Something woke me up, not sure what, but haven't been back to sleep since."

Before he could ask if it had anything to do with the Keeper, she laid her hand over his arm. "Bad dream?"

He nodded, bringing her hand up to his lips. "Yes."

She looked at him, her brow noticeably furrowing. "What was it about?"

How many times had Ellana asked that before, and how many times had he dodged and parried the question? How many times had he deflected, not wanting to give any hint for dread of ones that could follow?

But now…the fear of losing her because of his past was gone. She accepted him, every part of him. There was no reason to hold back anymore.

"The massacre."

Ellana's face softened, understanding filling her eyes. "Do you dream of it often?"

He curled back up on his side, using one arm as a pillow, throwing the other around her waist. "More than I'd like to."

Not that he needed the reminder, that his waking moments weren't haunted by it either. However much good in the world he may bring, the screams and the terrified faces of those children would always be seared into his memory.

Her fingers ran over his face and beard. "For awhile, I thought you were having Grey Warden nightmares. Alistair told me about the ones he's had. I thought maybe that was why you'd refused to say anything about them. But I didn't want to push you, when I was holding back about the ones I had of Bri. "

He brushed his fingers over her bare shoulder, gliding down to curve his hand over her hip. "I'm glad you told me. I'm sorry I couldn't do the same."

Her hand found its way down to his chest, fingers curling into his chest hair. "You are now." Blackwall's eyes closed as her nails lightly scratched in a circular pattern. "Are they always about that day?"

"Much of the time, in different ways. Watching my past self do it, unable to stop it. Or trapped in my body, shouting at myself to stop swinging the sword." His eyes fell away. "But sometimes it isn't just Callier's family that's there. Sometimes…" Blackwall swallowed, the murky images painful to recall. "Sometimes you're there too. And I'd let my men hack you to pieces. Just…"

His voice faltered, unable to continue, a slight tremble coursing through him at the thought of such a fate befalling her, too.

He felt her hand brush against his face. "I'm here, vhenan," Ellana whispered soothingly. "I'm here."

Not trusting himself to speak, he leaned in, pressing his face against her neck, soaking in her warmth, her solidness, the fact she was alright and lying there beside him. Blackwall felt her arms come around his shoulders, her hand stroking through his hair. When she shifted to lay flat on her back, he followed, positioning himself more comfortably at her side, reluctant to pull away from her.

Blackwall lost track of how long they remained like that before he heard soft humming. The remaining tension in his body immediately began to lift at the sound. A sound, once in prison, he thought he'd never hear again.

He almost couldn't believe it, that they were there. Lying naked under a blanket, up in the loft of the barn where he'd left her all those weeks ago to save Mornay's life. That they could come full circle like this, despite obstacles in their path. He still wondered if what Ellana had given up for him was worth it.

But he would be done with questioning it. He would be a supportive partner, more than he'd been before while hiding his true identity. But most of all, he'd be an honest one. The scars would never fully heal, but he was willing to share them, to give her long overdue answers to questions she asked. To give her the man he was and the man he still hoped to become. To help heal her own wounds, too.

"What about you, my lady?"

The humming ceased as did her hand through his hair. "I don't follow, Thom."

"You've spoken of forgiveness, towards me and for myself. What about you, with your sister?"

His body fell with hers as a deep sigh escaped her chest. "It's hard. I know it wasn't my fault, but a part of me will never let go of the blame."

Blackwall pressed what he hoped was a comforting kiss against her skin. "You said it was an accident."

"It was. But an avoidable one." Ellana's voice was matter of fact, yet also contained reflective sadness. "That day changed so much for me. I can never truly forget it. Not really."

Maker, did he understand that. It never truly struck him before, how alike they were. Both of them carried around regrets they couldn't let go, both suffered -in different ways- because of them. But they didn't have to face them alone anymore. It wouldn't be an easy road, but they would walk it together.

"It'll be sunrise soon," Ellana commented, bringing him back from his thoughts. "Suppose I'll have to talk to the Keeper before she leaves."

Blackwall raised his head, chin resting on top of her chest. "Think there's anything else that can be said?"

"Probably not. But I can't leave things like we did. Not entirely." Her fingers resumed combing through his hair. "I'll try to catch her before breakfast. I can bring something back for you. Thought I heard we're having sweet rolls."

He'd forgotten how long it had been since he'd looked forward to any type of meal in the main hall, the way he'd been avoiding it like the plague since his return. Just running away from his problems and his struggles, as he'd always done. But resolve steeled itself in his veins. He'd meant it he was done hiding when he'd stood up for Mornay; it was time to live up to that.

"No. I'll join you."

She cupped his cheek. "You're sure?"

He nodded, laying his hand over hers. "Absolutely."

Certainty coursed through him at his decision, only affirmed by seeing the pride on her face. He leaned in to kiss her, their lips meeting half way. Their kiss spoke of new beginnings and all they had yet to be. It spoke of the same commitment they'd made to each other at his judgment.

Their kiss quickly turned from one, to two, to three, until they were both left breathless. Eventually, his kisses shifted downward, in a familiar pattern ingrained within his very being, starting with a nip at her jaw, then slowly down her neck and to her breasts, taking his time to leave her wanting.

As he made a straight line of kisses to her belly, his mind dared to imagine what she would look like, if and when the day came she was carrying their child. Then it took him further, into a future with a house in the woods, the sounds of a child's laughter echoing around them, growing old together. He'd reach that age sooner rather than later, and many years before her, but he planned to make the most of every single moment.

Starting right there, his kisses in reach of their intended destination, his mouth and fingers set to pleasure her until she was left breathless and boneless against the hay.

His Ana deserved nothing less.

Later, when he was the one on his back as she slowly rode him, he took in the sight of her above him, silhouetted in the glow of the sunrise beginning to peak over the mountain tops, silently thanking the Maker for this woman and everything he had with her.

Then afterwards, they both lay sated and curled up against the other, taking a few more moments for themselves before going out to face the world again.

Blackwall was just finishing up with training when he spotted them.

His group of two from the other day had turned to five, but he was happy that more people were willing to learn from him again. He supposed training to face a darkspawn magister and his Red Templar forces out in the Arbor Wilds in the coming weeks trumped any disdain for his past crimes.

He leaned against the wood railing, taking the nearby cloth and wiping the sweat from his face. When Blackwall pulled it away, he saw Ellana and the Keeper heading towards the stairs leading to the courtyard. He wondered if she was about to head out. She'd told him and Ellana that she'd planned to be on the road sometime in the morning.

They had bumped into her on the way to breakfast. It had been an awkward encounter, neither Blackwall or Ellana knowing quite what to say. For her part, the Keeper hadn't acted like anything had happened the day before, but Blackwall swore he could pick up a reserve in her voice that hadn't quite been there in previous conversations.

Knowing he needed to at least see her off, he made his way to the training room to drop off his equipment, then steeled himself for this final encounter with his lady's Keeper.

When he reached the final landing, he spotted Ellana and the Keeper talking by her halla. After breakfast, they had gone off while Blackwall went to help Dennet with chores. He wondered how it went. And what they could be talking about now.

Just as Blackwall reached the bottom, he saw Ellana get pulled away by Harding, who went over to two other Inquisition soldiers with horses at their side, presumably the Keeper's escorts back to Wycome. He felt the Keeper's eyes on him as he neared, as if once again analyzing him.

"Madame Keeper," he greeted.

"Ser Rainier. A word, if I may."

He wondered what he was about to get himself into this time with her, what she would try to say, but he was determined to not make a mess of it. "Of course."

With a wave of her hand, she directed him to around the other side of her halla. It didn't escape his notice that they were no longer in view of Ellana, nor would she be of them.

"What exactly did you want to talk about?"

The Keeper's arms crossed before her, her brown eyes still studying him. "What else could it be about, Ser Rainier?"

Her critical gaze still packed a strong punch, but one he was determined to not let falter him. "If this is about my lady Ellana and me, we've both made our decision. I'm sorry if this makes you unhappy."

"It does, but I realize there's nothing more that can be done about it now."

Blackwall caught the hint of remorse in her voice. Despite the tension between them, despite her disapproval, he couldn't help feeling sympathy for the woman, for what she felt had been lost.

"So, are you planning to stay here?" she asked, cool politeness taking over her tone. "Not go seeking absolution with the Wardens?"

Blackwall had been thinking about the answer to this question, even prior to Ellana asking it the day before. If things had been different, if Blackwall saw no other path after Corypheus, he would've jumped at the chance in making that commitment, gladly undertaken the Joining and devoted himself to the Wardens cause. But now…

He had no idea how long it would be before Ellana would no longer need to be Inquisitor. Defeating Corypheus would just be the start. Rulers and nobles and ordinary people would continue to flock to her, counting on the Inquisition to help put everything back together. But he planned on being right there to help her. And when she could finally hang up her mantle, they could start a new life together. It was a day Blackwall looked forward to.

"I'm remaining here. The time for that is past."

"I'm sure that pleases Ellana greatly." She looked to say something more, but was interrupted by the halla nudging her shoulder with its head. She patted it, while reaching into her satchel with the other, offering up some food.

Once she finished, just as he was about ask if there was anything else, the Keeper stepped closer to him, until they were just an arm's length apart. "Just one last question, then. Would you be willing to lay down your life for her, should it be required?"

He didn't know what kind of question he expected from her, but Blackwall hadn't expected one so simple, so easy for him to answer.

"Without hesitation," he replied without faltering.

"That's reassuring," she said, though her tone didn't sound nearly as grateful as Blackwall thought it would. "But my real concern is whether she would lay down hers for you."

The thought of Ellana sacrificing herself for him threatened to twist his stomach into tight knots. If someone was to lose their life, he'd be damned if it was anyone but himself. But Ellana was right. Blackwall had to stop second guessing her when it came to him. He trusted her to lead the Inquisition; he trusted her with his heart. It was time to trust and accept the decisions she made regarding him, even if that meant a painful sacrifice to spare him from harm.

"It's her choice if she does."

The Keeper sighed, a defeated sigh making her seem even smaller than she actually was. "Something I must also come to recognize." Then a stern look appeared on her face. "Just be certain, the value she places on you is worth it."

"I will make sure of it," he replied, the determination clear in his voice.

She nodded in acknowledgment before going around the halla. Though he did not catch a glimpse of her face fast enough to see any real indication her satisfaction with his answer. He followed to see Ellana approaching the two of them.

"Done with training?"

"Saw the two of you heading down here," Blackwall replied. "Figured it was as good a time as any to stop."

A questioning look remained on Ellana's face. It couldn't have escaped her notice the Keeper and him had been talking out of sight. But she didn't draw attention to it, turning to the Keeper. "You should be all set. Our scout Harding says the path to the Storm Coast should be clear for the moment. There hasn't been much recent activity on it."

Blackwall wondered if that had to do with Corypheus bidding his time and mobilizing his forces to focus on the Arbor Wilds. But if it meant safer roads for the innocent people in Ferelden, he'd take it.

"I am glad to hear it. I shall write you once I return to Wycome, to let you know I have made it back."

The Keeper then reached out, laying her hand gently on Ellana's shoulder. "The clan is with you, wherever you go."

Despite the soft and almost tender way she said it, despite the hug that followed between them, Blackwall could sense the underlying tension, so unlike the embrace he'd seen when the Keeper arrived at Skyhold.

Which was proven right when he caught the words he was just able to hear, "It is never too late, da'len. If you change your mind, if things don't work out…"

"Dareth shiral, Keeper," Ellana said firmly, stepping out of the hug, letting her arms fall to her side.

Resignation fell on the Keeper's face as she turned to face him. "I wish you well, Ser Rainier."

Blackwall honestly wondered how true that was, considering what she tried to say to Ellana, but he would not burn whatever bridge he had, however precarious, for Ellana's sake. "As do I, Madame Keeper. Safe travels."

Blackwall stood by Ellana's side as the Keeper hoisted herself up onto the halla, with one final parting nod to them. She guided the halla to the open gates, the two accompanying Inquisition soldiers following behind. They stood there until the three of them disappeared down the path.

He then felt a tug on his arm, looking to see Ellana gesturing to the stairs. "My lady?"

She held up her hand, only asking that he follow her. Curious as to what she had in mind, he followed her up the stairs, then to the ramparts. It made sense once they'd reached a particular section, which offered the best view of the mountain pass. And the ability to still see three shapes that transformed into specs the further along they went.

Blackwall glanced over at Ellana. Though he did spot a slight sadness in her eyes, there was also acceptance.

"Are you alright, my lady?"

"Well enough, vhenan." Her eyes shifted over to face him fully. "What did the Keeper want to talk to you about?"

"Just some final questions she needed answers to."

Ellana gave a slight frown at that. "You shouldn't have had to explain or prove yourself anymore."

Blackwall glanced around him, and once satisfied they had no audience, wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

"It's alright." If it meant a chance at one day winning over her Keeper's approval, he would willingly do it. "How'd your talk go?"

"She didn't say much, even when I apologized for getting so heated. But clearly she's holding out hope I'll change my mind. This wasn't the end of it."

Blackwall squeezed her shoulder, this time rubbing his thumb along it. "I know."

The corners of her mouth lifted in a soft smile. Maker, how he could lose himself in her smiles. "Var lath vir suledin."

That reminded him. "You said that before, the other day. What does it mean?"

She leaned into him, resting her head against his arm. "You know what lath means?"

"Love, right?" He had been pretty certain of that.

Her nod confirmed it. "And do you remember what that spirit told Solas, back in the Exalted Plains? What he said after it died?"

Blackwall thought back -hard to believe it was only a couple of days after the Keeper had arrived- if he had truly soaked in what was happening, what had been said. The spirit had been speaking in Elven, that much was clear. Solas and Ellana wouldn't have understood it otherwise. The words were fuzzy, but as he thought harder, reached into the recesses of memory, an answer came to him.

"Something about enduring?"

She nodded again, the smile on her face beginning to grow in strength. "Yes. Suledin means ensure. Var lath vir suledin means 'our love will…'"

"Endure," Blackwall finished for her, in a whisper, the breath knocked out of him at the realization. He hoped he never lost this feeling, of cherishing how much he was loved by his lady, his Ana. And he hoped he never tired of reciprocating it.

The contentment shone as brightly on her face as the morning sun, filling him with its warm rays. "Our love will endure," she repeated back.

Blackwall knew he still had a long road ahead of him, on his personal journey of redemption. But as he held her closer, looking out at the mountains, he felt more optimistic than he had in quite some time. Because he knew whatever storms came, he would face them with her. Together.

No matter what, they would endure.

A/N: Thanks for reading and again to thievinghippo for her beta work! :D