A/N—Here I go AGAIN, got-dammit! The ladies have actually arrived in Philly and are on the main stretch, looking for this particular porn shop—yeah, needle in a haystack, I know. But…let's join up with Brie and Nikki…

Brie turns to Nikki and asks, "Sis, I was just thinking—how come, like, famous Hollywood women—PRETTY women, at that—can't seem to keep a relationship?

Nikki shrugs and replies, "Yo, I don't know. When it's snowin' outside, I gots ta' shovel 'da SNOW!"

Brie sighs and says, "I mean, seriously—Halle Berry—her last TWO men cheated and broke up with HER!"

Nikki raises her eyebrows and replies, "Yo, I thought that she was supposed to be the SHIT!? I can't imagine we drink something that comes from a cow's TIT!"

Brie starts to respond but just glares at Nikki, instead. After a moment, she replies, "Well, I thought that that bitch was supposed to be the SHIT! You know, one of the most beautiful women in the world—and she can't seem to keep a man! "

Nikki just smiles and shrugs. She looks over and asks, "What's your theory?, if you piss on a toilet stool, it'll make it PEERY!"

Brie rolls her eyes and just mumbles, "…Whatever…LOOK, what I'm saying is that—I thought THOSE bitches were supposed to be the shit! Right? But they can't keep a MAN! Well, personally…MY theory is that…maybe—just MAYBE—they have vaginal odor?"

Nikki starts laughing and Brie continues, "No SERIOUSLY—I'm thinking they just MAY have VAGINAL odor! I mean, think about it, sis—I can SMELL these women—like when-when…um I'll be going INTO the bathroom, and another woman would be coming out, right? Well, I'll go into the stall, and her…ODOR just fucking PERMEATES the entire stall!" Honestly, I don't know HOW these MEN out here like to…lick something that smells like…fuckin'…old ONION! I mean, really, just because they're PRETTY or-or have millions of dollars doesn't mean that their pussy can't STINK! THINK about that."

Nikki smiles, shaking her head. She replies, "Yo, John would be trying to eat ME out while I was spottin'! I had to tell him to go out and pick me some COTTON!"

Brie just simply says, "Ewww…sis, we REALLY have to get you cured."

So they just continue on down the stretch and WE'LL join up with Kharma and Aksana…

Kharma asks, "OK, DOES AKSANA KNOW WHERE PORN SHOP IS?"

Aksana answers, "NO, I DON'T KNOW—"

Kharma cuts her off, giving her more "English language training", "—NO, AKSANA IS TO ALWAYS REFER TO HERSELF IN THRID-PERSON!"

Aksana nods and rephrases, "UM, AKSANA MEAN—AKSANA DOESN'T KNOW WHERE 'FRANK'S TAKIN' IT UP THE ASS TABERNACLE' IS!"

Kharma smiles and says, "VERY GOOD! KHARMA GIVE AKSANA AN 'A' FOR EFFORT! NOW, FOR NEXT LESSON—KHARMA WANT AKSANA TO SAY—'TOY BOAT', 3 TIMES—FAST!"

Aksana furrows her brow as she thinks about it. She then tries, "TOYBOAT, TOYBOYT, TOYBT—IS THAT IT?"

Kharma laughs a little. She replies, "KHARMA WANT AKSANA TO KEEP TRYING, AKSANA HAVE LONG WAY TO GO BEFORE SHE SPEAK ENGLISH AS GOOD AS KHARMA!"

So, we'll leave those two to their practice speaking English, and we'll just move on to the Funkadactyls and Molly, who are giving HER English lessons and teaching her some general rules of etiquette…

Cameron points out, "OK GIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRL—YOU HAVE TO PROJECT YOUR VOICE WHEN YOU TALK! PEOPLE WON'T PAY ATTENTION TO YOU UNLESS YOU COMMAND A ROOM!"

Molly asks, "So THIS is why black people talk so loudly?"

Naomi ansers, "OF COURSE, GIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRL! SEE? 'DIS HOW WE KEEP ALL THE ATTENTION ON US! WHEN YOU GO INTO ONE OF THOSE—UM…UM, THOSE CHINK JOINTS AND ORDER YOU SOME EGG FOOD-YOUNG—"

Molly interrupts and says, "—Um, Naomi, sorry to interrupt, but I think it's called 'Egg FOO young'."

Naomi rolls her eyes and sucks her teeth, "DAYUM—'DAT'S WHAT I BE SAYIN' AIN'T IT? LOOK HERE, WHITE GIRL—DON'T BE TRYIN'A COME UP IN HERE THINKING YO' ASS CAN SPEAK BETTER ENGLISH THAN ME! I WENT TO COLLEGE—I HAVE A DEGREE IN COSMETOLOG-IT-OL-LY…YOU KNOW-BEAUTY SCHOO'-I'M EDUMACATED, GOT 'DAT?!"

Molly just stares at her, dumbfounded that someone could actually be this ground-breakingly stupid.

Molly stares, wide-eyed and replies quietly, "Oh—I'm sorry, Naomi. I really didn't MEAN to—"

Naomi cuts HER off and says, "LOOK OK—IT'S COOL. WE KNOW YO' DADDY'S RACIST AND ER'THING, BUT WE GONNA LET THAT SHIT SLIDE. OK, ANYWAY—LIKE I WAS ABOUT TO SAY, YOU NEEDS TA' START EATIN MO' FRIED FOODS! AND GIT' SOME COLLID' GREENS IN YO BODY, GIIIIIRRRRRRRRRL! 'DA MENS—'DEY LIKE 'DAT SHIT—COLLID GEENS AND FATBACK MAKE YO' BOOTY FAT!"

Molly humbly replies, "But…but Stephanie McMahon used to say I HAD a fat ass."

Naomi and Cameron look at each other and laugh, high-fiving. Cameron says, "GIIIIRRRRRL—YOU GOT AN ASS, BUT IT DON'T POP—YOU KNOW? WHAT I;M SAYIN' IS 'DAT YOU WANT AN ASS WIT' SOME DEPTH TO THAT MUH'FUCKER. YEAH, YOU SEE—YO' ASS IS JUST WIDE—DAT' SHIT'S LIKE AN IMAX, OR SOME'FIN."

Naomi adds, "YEAH, IT'S…SORTA' BIG, BUT YOU AIN'T GOT NO DIMPLES. DA' MENS—'DEY LOVE DIMPLES!"

Molly nods and says, "Okay, so I need—"

Cameron AND Naomi say together, "—NEEDS!"

Molly quickly corrects herself and says, "Oh, I'm sorry—NEEDS—I NEEDS to eat more fried food and col-collard greens?"

Naomi says, "NOIT'S PRONOUNCED 'COLLID' GREENS' SAY IT!"

Molly answers, "Oh—Um, I NEEDS to eat more COLLID' greens?"

Naomi and Cameron smile and look at each other and then back at Molly.

Naomi says, "DON'T WORRY GIIIIIIRRRRRRRRL, WE'LL HOOK YOU UP! WE'LL HAVE YOU SPEAKIN' PROPER ENGLISH LIKE A MUH'FUCK."

Molly, deep in thought, quietly mumbles to herself, "Hmm…like a 'muh'fuck'? Sounds like a plan!"

Ok, we'll leave them and join up with Natalya and JoJo, who stopped off at a barber shop to get directions to the porn joint. Just so you know, this is an "urban" barbershop—so, of COURSE you know it's a black barbershop…

Natalya sees one guy in a chair getting a haircut and decides to ask, "Um, excuse me, sir? So you know the way to 'Frank's takin' it up the Ass Tabernacle'?"

The guy answers, without even turning around, "Yo sucka, you be meanin' talkin 'bout REV'N Frank?"

Natalya just has a confused expression on her face and the barber translates what the man was saying. He says, "Ma'am, what he was asking was 'are you talking about reverend Frank?'"

Nat replies, "Um, yes…I guess—does he own a porn shop?

The customer in the chair replies, "Yeah, he be on 'da block. Fo' real, sucka!"

Nat thinks to herself and shakes her head, wondering just WHY this voice sounds so familiar. She spins the chair a little and her eyes widen. She exclaims, "Oh, I should've KNOWN it was you! Hey Booker T!"

Booker replies, "Yo sucka', I see you on yo' way t'git 's porn!?"

Nat replies, "Yeah, the winners are gonna' be the new WWE womens' tag-champs."

Booker replies, "Coo' Just be sho' t'return wit' all his SHIT—and 'day' ain't gon' BE no shit…SUCKAAAAAAAAAA!"

Natalya just looks at the barber for some kind of translation, but the barber just looks back at her and says, "Hell, OW'No what he just said!"

Just then, JoJo sees a dog sleeping next to another barber's chair and the bootleg movie guy had just entered the store. Natalya was talking to him and looking ery much like she was gonna' make a purchase. But, anyway, back to JoJo and the dog…

JoJo asks the barber, "Aawwww…does your dog bite?"

The barber answered, "Bite? Naw, my dog don't bite-hell MY dog ain't even got no teeth!"

So JoJo reaches down and pets the dog and the dog lunges out and CHEWS her ass up!"

Shortly, some people from outside hear the commotion and come in to help Jo out of the shop. As she's leaving, she says, "Hey man, I thought you said your dog didn't bite?"

The barber looks at the dog, then back at her and says, "Hell, Ow'no whose dog that is!"

A/N—the moral of THAT story...be specific, lol.

I'll catch you next time, same Warrior time, same Warrior place, same Warrior channel!