"Rulers of the underground in video games, burrowing into the depths and fighting various evil monsters."
"The two most famous are Steve, the slayer and settler of Minecraft, and Taizo Hori, aka Dig Dug."
"He's DAM and I'm Zivon, and we're here to test their weapons, armor, and abilities to decide who would win a Death Battle."
"An adventurous man, Steve can spawn into any world and quickly go to work making homes and forging equipment in a days span. He's slain the Ender Dragon, Wither, and settled some of the most inhospitable lands."
"He can survive any climate; fair, snowy, the End, the Nether, or desert, you name it and he's just fine, except underwater or in lava."
"Steve is a driven man, any goal he sets his sight on, he goes for it. He is also a very quick man, able to chip through stone, coal, iron, and even diamond with his trusty pickaxes, though he needs specific ones for specific jobs. He uses axes, hoes, shovels, and swords made of wood, stone, gold, iron, and diamond to decimate the land and opponents."
"He's also got a few special weapons, like dynamite, bows and arrows, and a fishing rod that can pull opponents in. He also wears armor he can make of leather, iron, gold, and diamond, fuck you, Kay Jewelers, the diamonds are the second hardest thing on this guy!"
"He carries a wide variety of useful items, like buckets of water and lava to slow or hurt enemies, spider webs to halt them, and vast scores of other things. He also utilizes potions that can be thrown or drank to poison enemies, heal himself, boost speed, or injure his enemies instantly. He can also enchant his armor and weapons to last longer or cause more damage."
"Steve can tame horses and pigs to ride, though he has no control over pigs unless he has a carrot. He's also incredibly friggin' strong, tell them, Zivon."
"Using the heaviest thing in the game in real life, a block of gold, weighs 21 tons. Steve can carry 64 blocks of gold in each of his 32 slots in his inventory. This means, without his armor factored in, he can carry up to 43,008 tons of materials, that's about as much as 6 Eiffel towers!"
"But, for some reason, he takes forever to punch through stone or obsidian, which, in real life, is more fragile than my relationships."
"Steve's punches are not that strong, but, apparently, neither is his armor. An arrowhead, a zombie, or even a spider can puncture it and cause him harm."
"He's also prone to fucking himself over, falling into pits of lava while digging, or sheer heights, or getting ambushed by a damn member of Creeper Qaeda when I'm trying to get fucking diamonds, you whore!"
"The integrity of his weapons is a final weakness. Steve's weapons, whether made of wood or diamond, will eventually break, albeit at faster or slower rates depending on the materials in them."
"But, this son of a bitch knows how to fuck the Earth like he cut a hole in her and stuck his dick in it. He's alright in my book, and up there with BP."
Steve swings an iron sword repeatedly at a cornered skeleton, the undead monster rattling until it falls over.
Steve:
Game: Minecraft
Weapons:
Swords
Axes
Hoes
Shovels
Pickaxes
Bows and Arrows
Dynamite
Fishing Rods
Armor:
Gold, Iron, Chainmail, Diamond, and Leather Helmets, Chestplates, Pants, and Boots
Abilities:
Killed the Ender Dragon and Wither
Ridiculously Strong
Able to survive arrows, explosions, and bites of all kind
Very smart, can build a house and experienced in magic
Resilient, can survive anywhere
Weaknesses:
Isn't as strong in punching attacks
Any armor of his can be punctured
Somewhat gullible or inattentive
Weapons break down over time
"Named Taizo Hori, Dig Dug is a very cunning man in battle, thanks to his trusty jackhammer and main weapon."
"He uses the pump, a weapon that has a harpoon that can shoot out 15 feet to impale enemies and kill them by inflating them with air! Seriously, nearly effective as killing you on the inside as Taco Bell. This also stuns his opponent and, two or three pumps later, their belly explodes!"
"His jackhammer also gives him unrestricted access of the underground, able walk through the dirt like it's not even there, not to mention sink an entire island. He even appears to have some form of adhesive technology that allows him to climb up sheer walls, most likely in his suit boots."
"This guy is one tough hombre, too, he's killed intangible dragons, snakes, and...tomatoes with eyes...the fuck? But, he's slaughtered all of them, and even giant variants, holy fuck, that's badass!"
"But, Dig Dug has a few weaknesses. For starters, his digging can get him crushed by rocks and the hose can only impale and kill one at a time, which takes time."
"Not to mention, a tomato touching him kills him, seriously? He better be deathly allergic!"
"Dig Dug also is very simple in his plan of attack, which can be outmaneuvered by a smarter foe. Finally, Dig Dug may have questionable mental health as he traverses dangerous lands of lethal creatures using little more than a bike pump with a spear on the end."
"Well, maybe that's because whenever he takes a step, it sounds like this! But, make no mistake, Dig Dug knows what to do with the body."
Dig Dug shoots his pump into a dragon, pumping it once...twice...three times, its gut exploding like a balloon.
Taizo Hori:
Game: Dig Dug
Weapons:
Pump
Jackhammer
Rocks he can dislodge
Feats:
Has killed dragons, tomatoes, snakes, and giant varieties of the previous creatures
Can move through underground with ease
May also have night vision as lack of light doesn't affect him
Can destroy islands with his jackhammer
Weaknesses:
Can be killed by a tomato...
Questionable mental health
Attack is very one-dimensional
Attack takes a few pumps to kill
"Alright, these combatants are set, let's settle this debate once and for all."
"It's time for a Death Battle!"
Dig Dug burrows from the underground with the help of his jackhammer, casually walking along the top ground until a nay gets his attention, a man in blue armor on a horse looks at him, drawing his glimmering bow.
FIGHT!
Steve wastes no time and fires an arrow at the man in a white suit, who digs under the earth and disappears as the arrow hits, creating a small fire. Steve cautiously approaches the hole before another appears before his horse, a harpoon shooting up and impaling its neck. After a few pumps, the horse's head explodes, forcing Steve to go on foot. He enters the hole and immediately falls several feet, hitting the ground and letting out an, "Oh," in pain.
He puts down a torch and sees another long path has been dug by his opponent, going down the long path and laying down a torch every so often to light his path. Finally he comes up on the blue man, standing the darkness, facing him. Steve pulls out a sword just as Taizo shoots a harpoon at him. Steve jumps back, barely able to get out of reach of the harpoon. Taizo buries down further once more, Steve above the hole and blocking it with dynamite. He lights it on fire and the block falls down the hole, exploding several seconds later. Steve cautiously digs down with the help of a pickaxe, reaching the blast zone before him and finds nothing in the darkness. With no remnants of his enemy left Steve begins to tunnel his way back up, but hears a familiar sound, the sound of his enemy walking. He turns to find Taizo charging him, the man in blue barely able to pull out a glass jar and throw it at his charging, white enemy, instantly harming him and sending the man running back. Sensing victory, Steve draws his regular bow and arrow and shoots once more, hitting the digger in the back of the leg, sending him sprawling as Steve approaches the battered man. Dig Dug attempts to burrow further down, but Steve hooks him with his rod and pulls him up in one mighty heave, sending Taizo into the air and crashing onto his back. Steve draws his sword and readies to finish the fight, raising it high above head. He readies to swing it down, but Taizo reacts first, shooting his pump into the armored man's gut. Steve freezes in place and is unable to react as Taizo pumps the pump once...twice...three times before Steve armor and stomach rupture outwards, his corpse disappearing instantly as it leaves behind scores of miniature goods.
K.O.!
"Oh, man, here comes the squeaker, I mean, Minecraft fan boy rage."
"While Steve is much more cunning and diverse in his attacks, Dig Dug is unmatched in his control of terrain. In the time it takes Steve to break through a few stone blocks, even with a diamond pickaxe, Dig Dug is already gone and in complete control of how to surprise and attack Steve. If Steve does go down one of Dig Dug's holes, it easily could be deep enough to kill him. Plus, Steve can't see in the dark, while Dig Dug appears he can. Additionally, there is no way to really dodge the pump other than stay out of its range, which Steve could do with his bow or potions, but neither can kill an enemy in one shot or even over time as poison does wear off, and Dig Dug can easily dodge these in the other three directions he can dig in. Finally, Steve's diverse arsenal can't kill instantly, other than the dynamite block, everything else takes several successive hits to kill something, meaning he'd have to get close to Dig Dug in order to kill him and get in range of his pump."
"Looks like Taizo Hori dug Steve's grave for him."
"The winner is Dig Dug."
Next time on Death Battle:
A man with bright red hair and a black karate uniform floats at M. Bison, the screen going dark as a series of successive strikes lighting up the screen...
Vs...
A man in a fanged helmet sends Raiden flipping through the air, conjuring a massive maul before slamming it on the god's head, obliterating his skull in a gory spectacle.
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