"Pourquoi est la raison que je te veux? Que je t'aime?

Mon fleur cher..."

Forevermore-Chapitre Neuf/Nine

I don't even need to tell you, do I?

"Haah… It happened again. Near's score was higher than his, again…" I heard him sigh from the other end of the hallway.

I'd been afraid they'd see us, so I ducked in the nearest corner, holding my hand over Near's mouth, hoping we wouldn't get caught, as I held him tightly against my chest. He was making no effort to struggle, so it was a rather easy ordeal to get him to come with me. Nestling into my chest, he actually seemed not to want to get caught in this… particular situation either.

We'd ran. I'd taken him and we fled. The paramedics shortly sent everyone out looking for Near, and I, of course, was the prime suspect in his kidnapping.

I knew that it probably was a dumb idea, but… Near hates the hospital ward. And I couldn't stand another minute in there; Roger hadn't heard about the incident yet. Even though I saved Near's goddamn life, I knew I'd get in the most trouble I had ever gotten in.

As Matt said, it all started when I heard that Near's algebra test grade was higher than mine…

I'd been strutting down the hallway listening to a song that always made me feel… better? Good, even? It was weirdly inspiring. It made me want to get up and face every next day knowing that Near was still beating me, by one or two points or even mere decimals. Those pissed me off the most, but also gave me a sort of pride in that I was getting better… and maybe even good enough to finally surpass him one day! Surpass Near, that was my greatest desire… then, maybe, we could work this out and if he promised me that he'd never double cross me and become number one again unfairly, then we could possibly be friends… no. That wasn't an option anymore. We were at the point where it was lovers or nothing. I blushed a little at this thought. I was only twelve, but I was already contemplating the feeling of a lover… of Near on my shoulder, in my arms. But since I hated him so much it was really hard not to imagine me locking him in a Half Nelson, choking that limp little boy half to death. I sighed. Why did my stupid thoughts always have to drift to stupid Near?

Whether it was lustful, hateful, thoughtful or romantic, my brain was circling around Near 24/7. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't think about him; live to beat him, breathe to love him. He was quite simply the worst thing that ever happened to me.

I sighed, trotting towards the dome; sullen as I was whenever I thought of the predicament I faced with Near.

I approached an open door, where some children were conversing. Usually I didn't care much, but accidentally overhearing someone retort this loudly,

"Surely Mello will surpass that shrivel of a kid! He's smarter and cooler than us all!"

I ducked behind the open door to listen further, making sure to be as silent as possible.

"Well, I think Near is a genius!" A familiar voice whined.

"We are all geniuses, dweeb." Another voice spat. I couldn't tell if it was a boy's or a girl's.

"Not quite… Not like Near and Mello…" She whispered dejectedly, and I smiled with pride. I really am ahead of the pack, huh?

But….

"If Mello's number two… with a loss like that, don't you think he'd be outraged?" The first boy obstructed the silence with his deeper voice, a sound likened to a hammer on a nail.

'…That's right…' I thought. Nothing will ever amount to being the best. Not to me.

"Yeah, now that you mention it… Why hasn't he kicked Near's ass yet?" The girl/boy responded, puzzled.

"Well they used to hang or something, you know."

"Nah, Near was totally his pet, like a kitty or something." The girl/boy teased in response, mostly towards… eugh… Linda, I presume…

Near wasn't just my pet, he was my property. I had him, if only for a little while. I shared my trust with him, though I didn't know him as well as I ever would when I hated him.

"Yeah, he is cute…" The girl swooned quietly. The hell? It was sickening me already.

"Erm, Linda?" The Garth Brooks of prepubescent kids questioned, disturbed.

Well, well, well. Can't say I am surprised. What an annoying girl. Like Near would ever like her.

Right?

"ANYWAY…" The hermaphrodite coughed and continued once he/she got the attention of the other two. "Do you think Mello will eventually snap?"

"Even on Near?" Linda questioned.

"I think especially on Near! Near could easily become the bane of his existence."

"How do you think?" The deeper voiced boy said slowly.

"Well, all of Mello's emotion regarding Near seems rather… intense," It said with caution, "instead of the indifference he treats the majority of us with. With a provocation like this, Mello will certainly…" She/he trailed off.

"I'll grab front row tickets at the fight." The boy laughed. "Mello would demolish Near!"

"Th-That couldn't happen! I won't let him! I'll stay with Near!" Linda panicked. "Especially today, since the term paper grades have been posted."

The term paper grades? Matt would be waiting for me in the dome then, as I had predicted.

Here's the deal: Matt was my most loyal friend. To be called my best friend, he had to be. And also, be willing to do shit for me I didn't feel like doing. The best thing about Matt was that he would take orders and not need anything in return. A good example of some shit I never felt like doing was wading through the children to check on my term grades, paper grades, and etcetera. I was inexperienced in such a practice, as I'd been in first place for most of my time at Wammy's. I was still unable to grasp the sharp reality of my downfall, and the depression that had followed. It'd been two weeks since that incident, and the entire orphanage was looking at me; watching, waiting for my next move. What would I do about Near?

"Ah, his reaction at the averages... He's been avoiding Near, but I'm surprised he hasn't beaten him yet." The girl/boy chuckled, and the lot of them left the room. They fortunately retreated in the opposite direction as I tried to speed it up to the Dome.

The large ceiling windows were cocked open and the chill of the outside protruded into the room. There he was, as I thought, apathetically playing a blue game console. "Kkkchu- pika!" The game cheered, as intense, pixilated music played in the background.

"Damn you, Gary…" Matt mumbled, sucking a lollipop in between his teeth much like an addict.

"Yo, Matt," I called.

"Oh, hey Mello. The term papers were…"

"Yeah I know. What'd you get?" I interrupted, more concerned with my current status. I'd been studying and writing and pulling almost all-nighters every day for the past week. I was prepared to reclaim my throne.

"Ah, an 83.66%. I was a full 12 points behind you…" This was a way of telling me my grade? Well, it was doing double duty, and I had to give him props for not pointing me out like Near would have.

"What? A 95? That's… that's it?" I was devastated. "What did Near get?"

"Oh, um, a 96."

One point.

One damned point.

One.

Before I knew it, I was searching for Near.

If a show is what they were waiting for, I was angry enough to give them one.

I checked his room. I burst in the School District. I rummaged in the Library and surveyed the Common Room multiple times.

"DAMN!" I kicked a pillar in frustration. Near was pissing me off even when he wasn't here. He even beat me at this twisted hide-and-seek! I scowled in ferocity. My stomach was burning again… I was aflame… again. The hatred and anger barricaded my rational mind, the frustration and envy provoking the animal inside of me. I kicked over anything I could see, threw my chocolate bar to the other side f the room, hard. I heard it shout as it crashed into the wall, its entity shattering. I grit my teeth, the occurrence only making the thunder in my mind, chest, and fists crack louder. I growled, stomping outside in my wake, a few terrified children peering out of the safety of trees or walls. I slammed the door as hard as I could, and I heard a girl from the inside falter, "Oh-h-h …my god…" I practically heard the shudders and the tears as they fell, thinking of the weakness of my inferiors. A few boys, many boys, however, were awed and followed me to witness whatever chaos I was about to conjure up. They were excited to follow me, and encouraged me to no end, giving me a sick pride in the deed I was thinking of doing, saying things like,

"Whoever did Mello wrong is gonna get it for sure!"

"Yeah! Nobody crosses Mello and gets away with it!" Another added enthusiastically. I didn't know what I was even doing outside, until I remembered hearing Linda say,

"I won't let him! I'll stay with Near!"

Linda could coax Near out of the house. I know. She'd done it before. And the only place he would go and she would take him is under the big tree by the pond. It was cool and secluded and Near enjoyed the fish. Y'know… as much as Near can really enjoy something. He'd point at the white Rudd, exotic seahorse (how they lived in that pond is beyond me) and the shimmery Grass Carp; the many Dragonets and the small shark, which was my favorite. In his reticent nature, he'd silently touch the water and trace the patterns the fish would swim in. Sometimes, a cat or two would follow him there, as the cats of the orphanage took real pleasure to Near's company, and they would attempt to catch the fish Near was currently tracking. One time, a black cat caught a small clownfish sort of thing, but Near didn't know how to respond when it dropped it in front of him expectantly. He just pet the cat, in his tentative, innocent way, and told it gently to no longer catch fish. It seemed angry or depressed at that and fled in a huff, leaving Near alone under the tree. I'd watched each of these scenes from a distance, maybe under the pretense of playing soccer, or watching from a window in the common room, or sometimes I'd be right there… but unnoticed. Near had started to notice me less and less… and that was some of the most unbearable torture I'd ever experienced.

To think that I thought of him every day, and my gaze never wavered, not even for a moment, as I faded from his thoughts, his memories, and his sight. He was winning and I was losing… badly. This made me stomp even harder as we approached the pond, the boys behind me only background music in my grand scheme.

Near WOULD notice me, no matter what it took, that condescending snob!

And as I suspected, there he was, half asleep under the tree, just sitting there. He'd looked up sleepily upon hearing the small crowd behind me cheering like they were. I slit my eyes at him and approached him, ready for confrontation.

I hadn't forgotten what Near'd done. I hadn't let go of my immense fury. The hatred had taken its toll on me. A sickening, burning feeling ran through my body, a deadly concoction disguised as hate. My mind was reeling, and all I could think about was how much I wanted to win, how Near had stolen everything from me…

His detachedness bore into me like a spear. I wasn't one to lie down and take it. Near would have to beat me kicking and screaming. I'd be dead before I let him win!

"Near," I hissed, spitting whatever poison I could get out.

"Oh, hello… Mello…" He said flatly, voice dripping with exhaustion. He cocked his head at the boys following me, who had kept a steady distance from us, but formed a sort of semi circle to see. Linda was on the outside of them, probably shouting something, but I didn't give a rat's ass.

"Why are you here?" He asked, rubbing his eye with the back of his sleeve.

I was not going to be seduced by Near and his adorable tendencies. Did he think I'd feel sorry for him? Want to kiss him? Try to save him from myself?

Please.

"Kh! Predictable." I jeered. "Always acting stupid when both you and I know you know! Don't be so humble, Near!" I continued, advancing. Near tried not to make noticeable moves, but he was backing away from me. I was all riled up now, and uneager to stop.

"Mr. Number One."

I said this with extra venom, hoping that it would seep into his skin as it did mine.

"Mello, I already said to you, I shall not apologize for surpassing you. I know… that you are here about the term papers." He stated, bumping into the trunk of the tree softly, no longer able to back away. I took advantage of this and strode to the tree. "Wow, how did you figure that one out, Einstein?" I sneered.

"Furthermore… I am aware of what you are going to do to me…" He trailed off, looking nervously into the distance, avoiding me at all costs. I pinned my arms on either side of him, bending in, as his eyes grew a little wider and his mouth a little more open.

"Really," I whispered. "Then you will be receptive and we can get this done quick, you freakish little bastard."

I then pushed his head back, smashing him into the tree with an exciting flourish.

The boys started to cheer and chant my name as I punched him in the stomach. I started to feel relieved, as I dug my fists into him. Sad and sickened and overwhelmed, but relieved of my stress and a little rage…

He slit his eyes at me and jabbed me in the throat, ducking when I swang at his head. "Son of a BITCH!" I exclaimed, my eyes growing predatory as I dared him to move.

Not only did he move; he ran. However, little Near tripped on his own pant leg, directly in front of the pond.

Overcome with the thirst for vengeance, hatred and frustration, my face twisted evilly as I started to strangle him, pulling him up by the collar.

"You little bastard! I HATE YOU!" I yelled in his face with as much soul-crushing venom as I could. He struggled, pulling my hair, and I spat in his face. He kicked me, and I bit him. We wrestled this way until I attempted to shove him off of me in my fit of rage and humiliation, to supply the crowd with the violence they needed.

Near fell back all right, and pulled me with him. Right into the pond.

"Au… Mmph!"

We crashed into the pond, my hands clasped around Near's scrawny little neck. He flailed a bit, but it was utterly hopeless. The dense, yet clean blue water made it impossible to see properly. But however, there seemed to be something else causing Near to sink. I let go of his neck and returned to the surface in search of air.

Why wasn't he coming back up?

My brow furrowed in worry and I unknowingly started to blush. Throwing off my shoes, socks and my expensive crucifix, I took a deep breath and rolled back into the water.

Plunging my way down, searching, I tried to remember what it was that made Near so vulnerable to water…

I…

I…think…

'RGGGH.' I thought. 'Come ON, Mello! What's the problem with Near!' I broke the surface again, partly breathing rapidly from frustration.

I … remember… I don't think Near can swim.

Near can't swim.

…

NEAR CAN'T SWIM!

Shit.

SHIT!

My eyes grew wide as I swam rapidly towards any direction I could go, searching frantically for a ghostly little body on the rocky floor.

'Near… where are you?' I thought, the panic making me unable to breathe, the water making me unable to cry. I paddled around just a bit, passing by much too happy Rainbowfish when I saw him, floating mid-water, passed out.

'Oh shit, Near!' I thought. 'Holy fuck!'

I swam as fast as I could, grabbing him tightly to my chest in one arm, only able to think, 'He's drowning, Near is drowning!'

I heard a faint ringing in my ears and my vision blurred as I started to lose air and consciousness. I had to fight; I had to pull through! It wouldn't win… no…

"Haaah…!" I gasped for breath throwing Near onto the banks of the pond, coughing and spitting up water. "N-near.." I stammered, the crowd gone in shock, most likely. I pet his hair back as the water flew out of my open mouth. He was so beautiful and cold…

I propped his little mouth open as quickly as possible, thinking that every second counted. I linked my hands behind his head and pressed my lips to his, breathing hard into his mouth. When I let go and his lungs responded, I pushed his stomach a little. Water dribbled out of his open mouth, and I quickly locked our lips together again, trying not to feel the sparks in my veins, trying not to notice the real antidote to the poison I was afflicted with…

It was so confusing… I'd tried to kill Near earlier, hated him, and now I was saving his life, and couldn't care more about him.

He coughed up more water and regained consciousness after a good three sessions. My tears overflowed in excitement and relief, as I pet his hair and kept my face close to him, wanting to smell him, see him, feel him. "M…mello…" He mumbled between coughs, my tears doing no justice to his sopping wet pajamas. It was moments before a boy I recognized ran up with a paramedic. She was appalled at the sight of us, two soaking wet boys, one barely conscious and hacking up water and one sobbing and bent over the other in a lover's embrace.

It's blurry, what happened next, as Near was taken one direction and I another, my protests of leaving his side widely ignored. When I found myself sitting in a conference room, a towel draped over my shoulders, the boy and Linda all standing in front of me with a scolding, disappointed look on their faces, I was pissed. I didn't have time to deal with this! Near was… Near had… I…

"The Hell? Do you know what happened to Near! I have to be there! I have to save him! Please, let me go! Let… me go… Lemme go…" I was losing it, my anger, remorse, and anxiety spilling out all over the floor in the form of sobs, chokes and tears.

I sobbed, and the older boy shook his head. He looked to be about fifteen or so, with brown hair and creepy golden eyes. He was one of the top ten, I think, but I didn't care. I was dripping wet and I had no idea where Near was and I was crestfallen with what had happened. I couldn't take much more.

"Mello. What you have done today endangered someone's life." He scolded.

"I know, but…!"

"Sh."

My pupils dilated in surprise, and I stopped choking on my own pathetic wails to stare at him. No child had told me to be quiet before…

"Mello, you acted beyond reasonable judgment today and you know that could have killed Near." I tried to refrain from making any loud sobbing noises, but a sneaky whimper escaped my lips.

"Mello, we can't let you go see Near." My eyes widened in disbelief before engulfing in rage.

"THE HELL I WON'T! Near is MINE! You can't take him away from me, he needs me!" I screamed in protest.

"No, Mello, quite the contrary. I think you may be a little obsessed with him." The boy stated quite clearly. I was irate at this statement. "However, we won't tell Roger if you promise not to hurt him like that again. I'm sure it would be detrimental to you as well. L wouldn't want a violent successor, I don't think."

I quickly calmed at this, becoming nervous at the mention of his name. My idol...

L didn't care about us that much, I thought. Why would he think that I was a bad successor for acting this way towards Near? It's not like he knew me or Near or our relationship. I thought that I didn't even like him, let alone love him, or obsess over him… The only thing I wanted from Near was his place as number one.

But then why did I save him?

The two sighed. "You will not go around Near until Near shows signs of wanting you around," The boy further projected his terms, before being interrupted.

"Which I doubt he will! Selfish pig!" Linda spat, evilly.

"Rude little bitch, you shut the fuck up! You don't know anything about Near!" I fumed. I was ready to bash her head into a window, shove the glass into her scalp and throw her out of the broken pane, three stories down, preferably, to her rocky death so she could rot in hell for all eternity. She had no right to talk about Near that way! She didn't know him, that scrawny bitch! I bared my teeth at her, trying to show her my prevalent hatred for her at this point.

"MELLO. LINDA." The older boy asserted, and she retreated, her eyes still slit icily. I sucked my top row of teeth with my tongue, closing my mouth but continuing to glare at her, hoping that a thousand knives would penetrate her skin on demand. Hoping she'd hear every profane word I spewed in my head directly to her, and wince in pain.

"Anyway, if you don't abide, we will tell Roger."

"WHAT?"

"And your privilege to consume chocolate whenever you please will be revoked. You now have to give us each one bar a week. And I get to pick the kind, and almonds may be included. This is actually pretty lenient, Mello. You have done a terrible thing. Your luxuries may be given back to you in 6 months or one year, depending on whether you attack Near again." The boy said confidently, while in comparison, my pride was shattering; my emotional state dismantling.

"And if you do, Mello, I'll tell Roger and you will never see Near again. Are we clear?" Linda scalded, her false authority over me and her malevolent words shredding my spirit.

"WHAT? NEVER?" I sputtered in disbelief, saltine tears burning against my eyelids again. "You know those rules are despicable and unfair!"

"Yeah, but it has to be done. For Near." I nodded, dejectedly, embarrassed and alone.

"He's in Room 17. You are only permitted for today, so make it count, Mello." He marched out, Linda behind him. But before she left, that witch had the audacity to turn around and eye me like a piece of trash in her lawn.

"Asshole." Linda hissed.

"Get out of here, you ugly twisted bitch. Near will never ever love you." I stated. On a bout of anger, I didn't think before I taunted, "And just so you know, I kissed him," I grinned twistedly as I said this, the venom dribbling from my mouth. Her eyes expanded so much I thought her head would explode. It was so satisfying to see this bitch so traumatized. Tears started to pour out of her saucer-like eyes, and she never blinked once as she whispered a pained, "Wh-what?"

"And if you tell anyone, I'll cut the nose off of your face and shove it up your vagina," I growled.

"Mello, you!" She screamed. I swear, I wanted to punch her so badly; it overcame me like a lust. But I let her run, knowing she'd be tortured with pictures of me tonguing Near at night with no one to vent to in her pathetic depression.

With that amazing thought in mind, I made my way to the Hospital Ward, the excruciating need to see Near starting to cloud all other senses. I sauntered down the white hallways of the hospital ward, not keen about the smell of medication, syrups and blood invading my nose. When I reached Room 17, I forgot about how angry I was at Near or Linda or Roger, Near's safety becoming only thing I wanted to know. 'Near.' I thought, beginning to drool as the thought of his soft hair, his thin lithe body, those eyes, that taste… I was getting a hard-on thinking about tonguing the blood off of his face where I hit him in the nose, biting all the places I had and some new, more sensual places I hadn't… If only Linda was thinking of this…

I needed him now. If I couldn't have had him, I think I would have died.

But once I entered, Near knew.

"Mello?" He called raspily, his voice dripping with hope. I couldn't surpress a sweet smile as I walked over to his bedside.

"How are you, Near?" I asked, pushing his bangs back with my hand.

"A..alright…" He said, his eyes lowering at my touch. I grinned, but looked away from him towards the windows.

"Good." A silence followed, but it didn't last very long.

"Mello…" Near said softly, tugging my sleeve gently to get me to look down at him. His cheeks were flushed. "Thank you for saving me. I will be sure to explain this to Roger and tell him that I… do not hold anything against you." He proceeded to gently curl his fingers around the sleeve, being cute on purpose again, and I…

I wouldn't lose this competition!

If Near wanted to play that way, so be it. I would follow suit.

I smashed my lips into his, the attraction unbearable. At first he was surprised at the engagement. His lips were wet and sensual, eventually pressing back into mine shyly. I licked his mouth, barely parted, and he opened just enough to let me in. God, this already made me hot. I couldn't stand being on the floor next to him anymore, and I climbed into the bed, straddling him, our bodies detrimentally close. He moaned as I stroked the top of his mouth with my tongue, and pinned his hands above his head. He panted when we parted, flustered and warm like I was.

'So, Near can feel,' I mused in interest. I wanted to see just how much that tiny little body would submit, what emotions that cute face would reveal to me.

But I couldn't do that. Not here, at least. So I offered a proposition.

"Did you… like that, Near?" I sighed, pleasure unmasked.

"…I… mm.." He moaned in discomfort, trying to avoid my question. He was embarrassed I made him feel this way, that he'd shown me this soft, soluble side to him.

"Same cold Near," I mumbled, close to his ear, kissing the area. He shuddered in response, and I knew I had to take him further.

"Near, I will… do more of this, if you like it. But," I whispered against his earlobe, flicking my tongue against it. "We have to get out of this damned hospital."

… Slowly but surely, Near nodded, twice, eyes shut tightly, quivering in my arms.

"Shh," I comforted, wrapping my arms around him. "It's okay. I'll take you away from here, and we can be together…"

And that's how we ended up here, mere feet from my room, people searching for us.

However, I was insatiable by this time, and I only wanted one thing. Upon hearing footsteps retreat, I took my chance. Holding Near's hand, I bounded down the final corner of the B hall left to the short walkway to A. "Almost there, baby," I cooed rubbing his hand gently with my fingers. Recognizing the distinct look of the red doors of hall A and the names on the whiteboard beside the door, I pulled Near down the solar-powered hallway, which was becoming dim and gray as dark, storm clouds began to cover the sky, to the section of the compound separate from the others. "Finally… one sweet one…" I sighed, as I rushed to my room. I quickly threw open the door, and after surveying the room and the hallway, I shut it quietly and locked it, confident no one knew of our whereabouts. Near had drifted to my full sized bed, papers strewn across it, and laid on top of my crimson comforter, burying his head in it as if it were his long-lost mother. A small roar of thunder growled outside my window, and I opened the curtain. Near shuddered and tried to envelope himself in my blanket. I wondered what caused this odd behavior until the lightning cracked.

à suivre...

Author's Notes:

Hey guys. Sorry, been a bit since I made a new chapter, but I had writer's block. I have tons of good ideas now, so I'll do my best. Thanks to everyone who listens to my beautiful singing voice and reviews my story! I love you more.

Anyhow, I was going to make it more graphic and eventful, but… No excuses! I suck! Also, the kid that scolds Mello is the one that turns him in. He really has no significance in the story, he's just a good Samaritan. So, yeah. Don't get mad, he's not an OC or anything.

Ah in other news, I can almost finish the Shinjo Yukino—Garasu, from : Poisoned on piano. It's the song that plays whenever Near is in the room, or Mello is in Near's room. I always thought it was painstakingly beautiful, so I played by ear. And I think I've done a pretty bitchin' job.

So, on that note, I'm gonna lead you out. X's and O's like a real pirate would.

Reviews are Beautiful

In every single way

Yes, words that you write down

Oh oh yeah

Reviews are beautiful

No matter what you say

Responses to stories I write

Oh oh no [?]

So won't you write one down

Today?

~Sam