I'm aiming to update in the next week. Do you think I can make it? Cause if I do, that means SolitaryLotus owes me another chapter of Fallen [we made a deal]. Cheer for me!
I don't own D. Gray-Man. I don't think I want to, anyways. The plot and the new art style Hoshino has is nightmare inducing. I'd like to remain partially sane, thank you!
::~Sacrifice~::
True love is laced with sacrifices.
Chapter Ten: Shut Up
He was dead.
Dead.
Allen Walker was dead.
That had to be it.
The fading in and out of black and white supported his theory, as well as that numb sense that made him wonder if his body was truly there or if it was just his spirit left behind. It wasn't warm, but neither was it cold. Was he even breathing? Do people breathe when they're just spirits? He was gone. The war was over for him. The Innocence could no longer plague him along with the 14th. He must have died, and that was that.
Allen didn't know why, but he was slightly anxious for a scene change. The black and white fading was nice, but he had a feeling there was something more to see. At the same time, he wouldn't mind too much if he never moved again. He didn't even know if he could move.
Occasionally, a weird sensation crawled up his form. It took a couple times to finally register in Allen's mind as feeling something. With that conclusion, he realized that he wasn't dead. Pain and weariness greeted him. He felt so heavy…
Everything was so heavy. Pulling him out of the white glow and back into the black.
He could hear; that was another clue. He heard several things. Sometimes it was a nervous female voice-the way her voice rose and dropped told she was trying to talk with someone else, but the second voice only gave short responses. Allen swore he heard the person scoff, and that sent a thrill of memories and recognition through his mind.
Other more quiet times, he only heard the male voice. They randomly talked, and on occasions it soothed him back into the darkness. But it mostly annoyed and poked at him, causing the dim white to overcome him.
There was no sense of time, but a sense of patience and how it was thinning. Allen didn't know how long he continued to fade in and out, but the gnawing presence of Crown Clown reminded him of three things; that he was still alive, he was not moving, and he hadn't eaten in a long time. The Innocence was less patient than he was himself. It wanted to destroy Akuma. It wanted to absorb nutrients. It wanted to keep walking.
Walking.
Why did that ring a certain bell in his head?
One that hurt, too.
Walking…
His leg.
The memories rushed back at full force, along with the pain, leaving only three words that he prayed he kept to himself when they first popped up:
F*ck! That hurt.
Allen held back a groan as he shifted experimentally to get his bearings without opening his eyes to the well-known white ceiling. His muscles ached. Everything ached. His left leg felt like it had several different weights on it, and it itched. Oh GOD it itched.
He was in a hospital bed. The stiff mattress and crunchy sheets gave away that fact. His left leg was wrapped in annoying bandages that scratched at the wound rather than helped it heal. He was also in different clothes that seemed to be one size too big [he was a rare small-framed male. The hospital probably didn't have his size]. It was annoying, but most of all it made him wonder…
Why?
Why did he survive? He was sure…No. He wasn't sure he was alone in that alley. Someone came, and that someone saved him.
More memories concluded that it wasn't just anyone. That black blur belonged to his savior, and though there weren't many facts to support this theory, Allen had a gut feeling that it was indeed…Kanda.
It was Kanda.
Also, if he wasn't suffering from any brain damage, he was pretty sure that the short responding scoffing male voice belonged to the samurai. If that was also correct, then there was a slight error…
Why was there a hand on his?
If it's Kanda that's in the room, then who's hand…
The ex-exorcist was hit with realization [that seemed to be happening a lot lately.]
Oh my God, he's gone insane. Allen concluded. Kanda is holding my hand.
My left one, to boot.
Allen's Innocence welcomed the boy to full consciousness by heightening the senses in his left hand, which usually remained a steely cold. Kanda's hand was warm-surprisingly- but rough near the palm and beginnings of his fingers. He felt a small squeeze as the hand incased his fully, eliciting an almost-gasp of surprise from Allen before the warmth left him completely.
Ah… he let go.
For some reason, that all but added to Allen's disappointment.
::
It had been well over 24 hours since Kanda had brought Allen to the hospital, and though the younger was showing signs of waking up, he hadn't fully opened his eyes yet. Kanda wasn't patient. In fact, he had long ago lost his patience to the extent that he began to talk to Timcanpy to pass time. The golem didn't seem to mind, but, since it was just a golem, it wasn't exactly an exciting conversation.
He even occasionally talked to Allen, even though the boy was more than halfway asleep the entire time and it wasn't exactly talking. It was more like commanding.
"Get up, you stupid sprout." or "when you wake up there'll be hell to pay" which made sense to the samurai, but really, who would wake up if that was their reward?
Soon enough, Kanda realized this and he began to bargain with the unconscious boy.
"If you wake up, I'll call you Allen." Kanda said in a whisper. He was uncertain when saying the boy's name, but it didn't show entirely in his voice.
The boy stirred, and the samurai perked up drastically, repeating the sentence louder to get more of a reaction.
::
…Oh my God. He said my name. In a whisper, no less.
Allen's heart raced, skipping several beats. Oh my God, he said it again.
I feel like a stupid fan girl, but…Oh MY GOD!
What should I do? What should I doooo!
Allen squeezed his eyes shut. What cruel fate. Finally, Kanda offers to use his real name, and of course Allen is then too afraid to even breathe.
::
The boy went still again, causing Kanda to sigh and rub his forehead tiredly, silencing himself with defeat. The lump in his throat eventually calmed down with his heart beat.
F-fine. I was gonna keep calling you Moyashi anyways.
Kanda had enough pride in him to withhold a childish pout from surfacing.
"Che…"
Moving on from his horrible rejection, Kanda glanced towards the window.
The boy was probably very tired, so it was taking him extra time to recover from the blood loss. Kanda vaguely wondered how much sleep the boy had gotten since he left the Order. Or how much food he had eaten.
Food.
That sparked an idea. Since the sprout was showing signs of waking up, and was probably starving, he could get some food for him-Oh, hell, forget "probably." He knew Allen was starving. Even a deaf person would be able to tell-the boy's stomach could growl loud enough to cause a vibration through the floor. Thankfully it hadn't reached that stage yet. Kanda decided then that he would get his comrade some food before that happened, and swore to himself that he was doing it for his benefit, not the Sprout's.
Though, it would be hospital food, and that stuff is never good. But then again… this was the Moyashi Kanda was dealing with. That fact helped the samurai come to the conclusion to get up from the chair beside the bed, and search for a nurse.
"I'll be back, Moyashi." Kanda announced unnecessarily before leaving the room.
The hallways were a blur of silence, along with the occasional explosion of a squeaky cart and bubbly assistants. The lights were so bright that they seemed dim, adding a more dreary sort of feeling the place. Boring. Monotonous. Kanda picked up his pace.
The room was on the first floor, so most of the nurses were in clusters at the enterance and front desk. It was a small hospital too, so Kanda managed to recognize one of the nurses as the one that drew his blood.
"Oi," he called out. She became attentive as Kanda strode over to her. He was quite intimidating.
"Yes, Mr. Exorcist?" she asked politely. Apparently news of two exorcists staying at the hospital spread fast. He dismissed it, however, and asked her about food for the "Moyashi" which he had to clarify afterwards as "the idiot with the old man hair and a f*cked up leg." This caused the nurse to fluster and nervously nod. She remembered now.
"I'll go get him something, then." she said as a way to dismiss herself. Kanda scoffed, not bothering to inform her of the sprout's eating habits. When he woke up and finished what they provided, Kanda would go and get more. Simple as that, yet slightly annoying and troublesome. Oh well. While he was at this considerably nice mood, he could maybe get the Sprout some Mitarashi dango.
That'll get him back to his lively self in no time.
Kanda returned to the hospital room Allen belonged to, but this time didn't sit back down in his "perch" [which consisted of the corner chair pulled to the side of the bed so he could successfully loom over the Moyashi], he went over to the window to stare out at the garden that surrounded the back of the hospital.
The lotuses were being merciful this time. They blended in with the other assortments of flowers, and remained only there. For a moment, Kanda wondered if the illusion faded momentarily, and there were really lotuses in the garden. He didn't dwell on it for too long, because soon enough the nurse from earlier came in with a try of food. She seemed a little disappointed to see the boy was still asleep. Kanda rolled his eyes. Ok, he knew the Sprout was awake, but he was being nice and not saying anything. Now, after being "nice" for long enough, Kanda returned to being impatient and annoyed.
"Oi, stop playing dead already. There's food."
Allen visibly tensed-though the nurse didn't notice. Nothing passed by Kanda's eyes.
::
Allen swallowed and then slowly cracked his eyes open, obeying the other exorcist. At first, the room was too bright. The lights were on this time, and it hurt. Allen squinted before blinking uncertainly. He didn't dare look to his right where the samurai stood, watching him by the window.
"That's better." Footsteps shifted across the room-where for a moment, Kanda came into Allen's line of sight before disappearing out of it once more. There was a mutter "I'll take it." to the nurse, no doubt. Then the door closed.
Allen wanted to say so many things, but in the end, his voice box voted on staying silent. Kanda approached him swiftly, causing Allen to cringe and shut his eyes tightly. This was it. Kanda was going to beat him senseless-
"Here." A tray of food was placed on the surface of the bed that wasn't being occupied by the scared boy. Allen dared himself to peek up at Kanda, but the older looked away and scoffed to avoid eye contact.
"Che. I'm not going to hit you, baka Moyashi." the samurai sighed wearily before sitting down in the chair beside the bed.
There was a pregnant silence before Kanda glanced back at Allen shortly. "Go on. Eat."
Allen hesitated before sitting up carefully, covers pooling at his waist. He blinked several times to adjust to the upright world.
::
Kanda simply watched as the white haired boy fiddled with the tray of food, occasionally giving the samurai shy glances. All of which he avoided.
He felt bad for treating the sprout this way, but for some reason he had to. He had to not just be glad with Allen being alive and not a cripple. He had to be disappointed. He had to be angry. He had to…
::
"K-Kand...a? Are you-"
"-Shut up."
Allen's heart contracted as well as his mouth.
::
Kanda felt a lump form in his throat, making it harder to breath, as well as speak.
"Just…shut up and eat." he said softly. "I don't…"
Damn, what am I saying? I cant just leave it there.
"I don't...hate you," Kanda clarified, still in a whisper. "I just…-don't…-Oh f*cking God" the samurai gave up and cursed to himself. Words were never his forte. And Allen just watched, metallic eyes shimmering with thought.
"I'm sorr-"
"-Don't." The air was thick with tension, and Allen was drowning in it, while Kanda was already crushed by it.
::
"Don't…" Kanda repeated, eyes glancing briefly towards the white haired boy again. Allen shrunk away mentally, fear emerging in is eyes. Not angry? Kanda was an awful liar… More silence passed before the older exorcist cursed again under his breath, and leaned over to plant a hand on the bed, looking Allen straight in the eyes. The white haired boy at first automatically moved away, but Kanda moved his free hand to take a hold of his chin. Allen froze at the contact.
"Don't you ever do that again." There was no hesitation this time. No eyes averted, and Allen found it in himself to match sapphire with silver.
He knew right away that Kanda was not kidding. That it was a command.
. .
Miss You: By Blink 182
Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
This sick strange darkness
Comes creeping on so haunting every time
And as I stared I counted the webs from all the spiders
Catching things and eating their insides
Like indecision to call you, and hear your voice of treason
Will you come home and stop this pain tonight
Stop this pain tonight.
. .
Phew. That was…fun to write in a sense. It started getting a little harder. You guys have no idea how close I was to ending the chapter after this line:
Allen wanted to say so many things, but in the end, his voice box voted on staying silent.
I got stuck at it for hours after having smooth writing all the way through. It was annoying, but I pulled through. Aren't ya glad! :DD?
Anyways, review! You have no idea how much I fan girl over people actually taking a few moments of their time to give me their thoughts. Good or bad. It helps! I'm sorry there wasn't much interaction between Kanda and Allen in this chapter, but I assure you…it's like the quiet before the storm, as they say, so hold tight!
~Ulqy/Moyashi-chan, out!