Chapter 9
There was no doubting that Lando Calrissian was an extremely happy man. He was beginning to think that his attentions to Mara Jade would never pay off – she was the only woman who had eluded his advances, once he had set his sights on her. For months now Lando's affection had diminished into a light teasing, because while it seemed to annoy her, she tolerated it good-humouredly. It made their business relationship a bit more palatable, a bit more exciting. He had never expected her to actually respond, although he was exceptionally pleased she had.
The feeling was akin to winning an especially difficult hand of Sabacc, albeit more on pure luck than on any slick operation on his part. She had come to see him on Kessel for a long-overdue business meeting, and he had been pleased when she had accepted the strong brandy he offered her. He hadn't forgotten that Talon's death would still be fresh in her mind and in Lando's experience it was the best way to calm nerves.
He hadn't brought it up; since Lando was sure the subject was still too painful for her. They all had liked Karrde; he had been a kind, decent man, and a damn good smuggler. It was a great loss to their industry, and Lando mourned him deeply, although he would never admit it to Mara. He had instead tried to talk business as they both shared the brandy, but Mara seemed preoccupied, often lapsing into silence, and then studying his features intently as he tried to keep her entertained. But she had suddenly thrown herself at him and that had been the end of it.
Of course, they had both been rather drunk at that stage, but Lando wouldn't let that small fact dampen his mood. After all, a woman like Mara Jade didn't allow herself to become too intoxicated if she didn't want to, and he had never seen her vulnerable. She was the last woman in the galaxy that would let herself be taken advantage of.
No, he was assuredly convinced that he'd won Mara Jade's complete and unequivocal affection.
Calrissian was driving her insane. He kept flitting about her, twirling his moustache, swinging his cape around when he walked and throwing her continuous, self-important grins. That and she was certain he was leering at her every time she wasn't looking, now that he knew what exactly was underneath her clothes.
It was at the very least distracting and at the worst, provoking her to consider a relapse to her assassination days.
Mara tried in vain to concentrate on the expenditure reports that had been shamefully neglected. Lando had a keen head for business, but all too often he delegated the more the tedious jobs out to their workers, some of whom appeared to be underqualified in this particular area. She sighed, concentrating on the numbers, mentally calculating them, trying to find a solution that was efficient and conceivable.
But she lost count as Lando appeared at her side and gave her an affectionate nip on the ear. Mara recoiled immediately, sending him a venomous look. Rather than be affronted, Lando simply smiled and sat back against her desk, his ostentatious cape obscuring the datapad she had been working on.
"Come now, Mara," he admonished her. "You've been working all day, surely you need a break," he grinned foolishly. "I'm sure I can think of a way to get your mind off things."
Mara felt her gut twist at his words, but she quelled the urge to cause him physical harm. "If you'd kept you mind onthese figures I wouldn't have to be working like this," she snapped.
Lando was unperturbed, he gave her an indulgent look and patted her thigh. "You really should let the administrator I hired handle that," he said. "He came with very good recommendations."
Mara snorted. "From where, the Sabacc table?"
"Anyway," Lando changed the subject very quickly. "I really do believe we can occupy ourselves with more appealing matters, my dear," his hand crept lithely up her thigh, and he moved to kneel beside her. He began to kiss her neck and Mara didn't immediately pull away. She had been excessively cold to him the entire day, and yet his demeanour, his happiness remained unchecked. It was certainly a change from Skywalker's frequent mood swings and fretting.
It was her business who she slept with, wasn't it? She didn't owe Skywalker anything, she hadn't promised him exclusivity. And she couldn't deny that Lando was highly skilled and experienced in this area. Mara closed her eyes, as Lando stepped up his ministrations.
But as soon as she did, the truth washed over her like a cold blanket, dampening any desire or need. She didn't want Lando, it didn't feel right with him, and it didn't help her, or ease any of her pain. Not like it had been with…
She kept seeing Luke's face – remembering the way Lukehad touched her, how he had sounded and smelt. Lando's caresses felt alien to her, all of a sudden making her skin crawl. Mara pulled away violently from him, almost tripping over her chair in her haste to be out of his reach.
"Mara?" Lando stood, seeming genuinely confused. "Are you alright?"
Mara didn't answer, but gave him a cold, hard glare and crossed her arms over her chest in a protective gesture.
Lando appeared to misconstrue her actions, because he gave her a playful grin. "I should know better," he said, "than to attempt to charm you out of doing work." He took a step towards her and stretched out his hand. "You dedication is admirable, Mara, don't let me distract you," he winked at her. "We can have fun later."
The words sounded vile to Mara, and she forcefully battered his hands away when he tried to reach out for her. "Don't touch me," she snapped.
Lando looked shocked – perhaps realising that she wasn't simply teasing him, or annoyed at his romantic overtures, but that she was angry. "Mara?" he looked a little frightened.
"Look, Calrissian," she spat out his name with vengeance. "I don't want you taking any more liberties with me. Just because you were lucky enough to get me drunk once does not mean you can lay your lay your hands on me anytime you want."
"But I thought you wanted - "
"I don't care what I said then. I'm telling you now to leave me alone." Mara knew she sounded irrational, but an unexplained rage filled her. How darehe complicate her life, expect her to fall completely for his purported charm simply because her body had betrayed her?
Lando furrowed his brow, obviously trying to catalogue and decipher her strange behaviour. "This is about Talon, isn't it?"
Her arm moved of its own volition as she forcefully threw her datapad at Lando's head. He ducked, wide-eyed, almost as if he couldn't believe what had just happened.
"How dareyou say his name," Mara's anger only intensified. They all had done it – spoke of him so easily, so freely. How could they, when she could not even bear to think his name? "Get out!" She was incensed, knowing that if he stayed she would not be able to control the rage that had possessed her.
Too stunned to speak, Lando merely picked up the datapad which luckily had not broken, and handed it gingerly back to her. For a moment, Mara caught a fleeting, sorrowful look on his face. She turned her head resolutely away, unwilling to think about his possible feelings, to admit that she had wounded him. He left silently, and Mara was alone.
Hours passed, but Mara was still unable to concentrate on her work. Figures, dates and words swarmed before her eyes, but the more frustrated she became, the less sense they made. Eventually she threw the datapad again, this time against the wall, where it finally surrendered to her abuse and malfunctioned, sending sparks across the floor.
Mara put her head in her hands, rubbing her weary eyes. Not only was she in a complete mess regarding Luke, she had now alienated Lando, her business partner and she had to admit, friend. And with…himgone…she honestly didn't think she could take any more pressure in her life.
"Trader Jade?" A young man with dark features entered the room cautiously. It took Mara a few moments to recognise him as her assistant, Tanner. "Are you alright? I heard a crash," his black eyes looked at her searchingly and Mara felt scrutinised under his gaze. It was one of the reasons she had hired him, his quick mind never missed any detail, however small. Unfortunately it failed her in times such as these, when she wanted to be left alone.
He noticed the datapad lying in pieces on the floor and went to retrieve it, shooting her an undecipherable look. He was always so hard to read, Mara wasn't sure if he looked disappointed or nonplussed. He didn't mention the damage in either case.
"Someone called Aves commed this morning," he said, studying her intently. "He is the pilot of the Wild Karrde, yes?"
Mara sighed. That was all she needed. "Yes," she replied wearily.
"He was inquiring as to whether you've made a decision regarding the organisation. If I may say so, he seemed a bit irritated you hadn't informed anyone of your departure."
"He found me though, didn't he?"
"As did Master Skywalker," Tanner grimaced. "He has been most insistent that he speak with you. I keep telling him that you are too busy to speak to anyone but he seems to think what he has to say is more important than the running of your business."
"Thank you, Tanner," Mara replied, discomfort once again settling on her, perhaps even guilt. "I just can't…"
"I understand," Tanner nodded, his face still inscrutable. "This Aves was also quite indignant about when you would be returning to Coruscant."
To Coruscant? She couldn't go back there. She couldn't face Luke, after what she had done to him, couldn't bear to see the hurt in his eyes. Anxiety began to overwhelm Mara, and she felt antsy, caged. She couldn't deal with Aves, either, who would want the fate of the organisation decided, and she didn't think she could deal with that, yet. But the crew – they were languishing on Coruscant, waiting for her decision, for her to take charge. Mara knew that she couldn't return to Coruscant, couldn't helm the Wild Karrde, a ship, a people that were not her own.
And she couldn't stay on Kessel, either – not with how she'd spoken to Lando. She had always known he'd held a deep affection for her and she had betrayed their friendship, their partnership by sleeping with him. By imagining him to be someone else.
Her life was such a mess. She needed something, anything to take her mind off the pain, to clear it of all those insidious, guilty and confusing thoughts. For even just a few hours, to be free from it all. Alcohol wasn't enough any more – it was a poor stimulant and only left her feeling dejected and weary. Her other, physical option, which had worked so well in the past, had only brought her trouble and heartache. There was really only one alternative – now that he wasn't here watching over her shoulder, keeping her straight.
No, she needed it. Not much - just a pinch, then she would be fine.
"Tanner." He had been silent through all of her inner musings, awaiting to take her orders. "The first shipment of spice has been processed, hasn't it?"
Tanner's expression cracked and reformed into suspicion. "It finished being purified this morning," he said cautiously.
"Good," Mara tried to make her voice sound as businesslike and dismissive as possible. "I want you to bring me a sample. I need to ensure that we are not being cheated on its quality."
Tanner didn't seem fooled. "We have machinery for that -"
"Damn it, Tanner!" Mara struggled to retain her calm, although her knuckles were gripping the table so forcefully they were turning white. She took a deep breath and composed herself. "I was under the impression," she began, her voice deathly cold, "that you wanted to keep your position here."
A dark cloud crossed Tanner's face, but he gave her a perfunctory nod. "Very well," his jaw tightened and she could see the discomfort that swirled inside of him. "It is not my place to question you."
"That's right," Mara looked down at her desk, absorbing herself in a fresh datapad and dismissing him with a wave of her hand. He left immediately, and she breathed a sigh of relief. Soon, she promised herself, soon it would all be over. She would be free from her worries, her doubts, her overwhelming guilt. Free from the memory of Luke, holding her tightly in his arms.
It was only spice, after all, and a miniscule amount at that. What harm could it do her?