Couldn't resist putting a little bit of Mariska into this chapter. Let me know if you found it! :)
Thanks to all the new followers. I hope the story won't disappoint you. I have chosen a sllooww pace! Trying to make it like it could actually happen in L&O SVU.
Remember: the more reviews I get, the quicker I will update.

10.

When Elliot woke up, the sun was already peeking through the curtains. He had a faint headache and soon realized he was still fully dressed aside from his shoes. He was under a blanket though and he looked around a bit puzzled. He was alone. Then it hit him, Kathy had died last night. He turned on his back and let reality sink in, his arm across his eyes. He did not cry and felt numb. He had cried enough to last him a lifetime over the past few weeks. He realized he must have passed out the night before and he had not dreamt at all. He got up after a few minutes and after a quick stop in the bathroom he ventured downstairs. He gazed at the coffin in the living room first and he felt his stomach contracting. Then his attention shifted to the dinner table. There were Liv and Noah. She was helping her son with his breakfast. He could not help noticing her bare legs and the long t-shirt she was wearing. Was it one of his? She looked up and smiled at him.

'Hi. Did you get some sleep?'

He pulled up a chair and sat down next to Noah, who clapped his hands happily as he exclaimed 'Ewwiot!'

Elliot could not help smiling at the little boy and offered him a high five. Noah immediately slapped his hand, and followed up with a double thumbs up, shouting 'O yeah!' Elliot looked at Liv with surprise.

'Yeah, I taught him that,' she admitted and they all laughed.

'So, did you sleep?' she asked again.

He nodded. 'I suppose I did. I can't even remember going to bed … I feel like crap though.'

Liv told him he had basically collapsed the night before. When she had to use the restroom during the night, she had taken his shoes off and put a blanket over him. He hadn't moved a muscle so she had not wanted to disturb him any further, seeing how much he needed to rest.

'Thanks …' he said softly but when he saw her stern look, one eyebrow slightly raised, he realized he wasn't supposed to thank her all the time.

'Sorry …,' he said, 'what else can I say?'

She shrugged and turned her attention to Noah again. But Elliot had an idea and got up to walk over to her. She looked up at him, but had to catch a piece of orange that Noah had spat out – breakfast was great practice for her reflexes. Then Elliot leaned in and kissed her softly on the cheek. She immediately dropped the piece of orange on the floor and looked up at him shocked, her brown eyes wide open.

He grinned and could swear she was blushing a little.

'What … why did you do that?' she stammered, her eyes still staring straight into his.

'Well, if I can't say thanks, I will have to think of something else. This seemed like a friendly alternative, or don't you agree?'

She looked down at Noah who was growing a little impatient with his mom, then mumbled, 'I suppose … just don't go overboard with the gratitude, okay?'

He patted her on the shoulder before walking to the kitchen, still grinning. He glanced at the shiny coffin again. Thank you my dear Kathy, he thought, for making sure I would not be alone today, my first day as a widower. He had had several months to prepare for this day but he had to swallow hard, while repeating the word 'widower' out loud. They had been together for over thirty years … there had been good times and bad times but she had always been there. And the years after his retirement had been mostly good. He would miss her terribly. He sighed, pulled out a bottle of milk and made some cereal. He truly was grateful to Kathy for getting Liv back into his life just in time. Not as her replacement but Liv would certainly fill a huge gap in his life – if she was willing to stick around. He knew he had hurt her and he would have to do something soon to try and get her to understand why he had made such a difficult choice. He could only hope she would understand how impossible the options were for him back then …

When he returned to the living room, Liv had just finished feeding Noah and was getting up. 'I need to get dressed, Richard and Mr Foster will be here at 9.30,' she said. He looked at her up and down while she headed for the stairs.

'Is that my shirt?' he finally asked.

She stopped abruptly and turned around. 'I … I pulled it out of the clean laundry. I hope you don't mind?'

'I assure you, it looks much better on you than on me. Keep it!'
He could not suppress a smile when he saw her hurrying up the stairs.

Liv sat down on the bed where she had slept the night before, her heart beating fast after she had rushed up the stairs. Was that the only reason it was beating so fast? Elliot had caught her completely off guard; she definitely had not expected him to kiss her while his wife's body was still in the house – in the same room even. It had just been a peck on the cheek but in all the years they had worked together he had never done that before. Not even when they were undercover as a couple. It was just something they did not do. They were working partners and he was married. There was a very clear line that was not to be crossed. Ever. And they never had. She did not know what to make of it. She knew Elliot could not recover so quickly from the death of his one and only lover and the mother of his children. He was in a vulnerable state right now and she would need to stay professional. Not knowing why he had cut her out of his life before, made it a little easier to keep her distance but she could not deny the attraction there was between them either. It was such a conflict of emotions and she had just found herself literally running from his presence. And then there was the promise she had made to Kathy … Frustrated, she covered her face with her hands while resting her elbows on her knees. Realizing that she really needed to get dressed, she got up to find her clothes. She folded the big t-shirt – El's t-shirt – neatly and placed it on the pillow of the bed. Maybe she would need it again …

A while later she descended the stairs, completely composed. Elliot had made coffee and they were ready when Richard and Mr Foster arrived.

Richard first walked over to look at his mother, then joined the others at the dinner table. Liv decided to let the others do the talking but Elliot asked her for her opinion a few times during their discussion with Mr Foster from the funeral home. The look in his eyes was reassuring but she still felt they knew Kathy best, and it was their goodbye, not hers. She had been introduced to Mr Foster as a friend of the family but she preferred to stay in the background. Besides, she was not at all familiar with Catholic customs.

After about an hour, most of the details had been agreed upon. Mr Foster would take things up with Father Michael at the church and would get back to Elliot.

'One more thing, Mr Stabler,' he said. 'Do you wish to keep Mrs Stabler here until the funeral on Thursday? We can also give her a nice cooled room with us, where you will not have to deal with visitors who wish to say goodbye to her before the funeral. You can visit at all hours too, of course. We can still add it to the obituary. We will be happy to accommodate you.'

Elliot looked at Liv again. Liv looked at Richard, not knowing if it mattered what she preferred. Richard in turn looked at Elliot. 'What do you think dad? Do you need her here until Thursday?'

While Elliot pondered over this question, Liv thought of something and whispered to Richard: 'We also have Eli to consider.'

Richard nodded, and gave her a look of appreciation before telling his father: 'Dad, Eli can come home if you let them take mom to their facility.'

'But only if you agree to let her go, El,' Liv added. Richard nodded again. 'You can only do this once,' he reminded his father.

Elliot rested his face in his hands and Liv's heart went out to him.

'You can think about it of course, Mr Stabler,' Mr Foster said. 'You don't need to decide now. Just let me know if you choose to move her, agreed?'

Elliot looked at him, clearly relieved that he did not need to decide right away.

'I will,' he said, almost whispering.

Note: I am not fully aware of procedures in the US around a death due to illness. This part was written from personal experience in my country where we can keep the bodies of our loved ones in our homes until the funeral. ( The way Kathy passed away was also written from personal experience, unfortunately. It's a matter of days once they stop drinking :( )