Warning: Mentions of homosexuality in here!

Disclaimer: I do not own Happy Tree Friends, Mondo Media does. Also, any other major franchises I mention here I do not own. All the music I mention belongs to their respective owners.

The names were inspired by HitTheRoad's fanfic Paranoia Fuel.

"Mother, may I go over there to chat with someone really quickly?" Phillip inquired while doing the puppy dog face.

"Of course honey, just be back at the 'Quick Meal' as soon as you're done."

He said his thanks and turned his head to look for Fable. When he spotted her he did a fast 180 and spilled some salt on the way. He ran as fast as he could because she was the only reason he was alive right now – if he hadn't thought of her, he would have given up back then.

Phillip ducked when a man was passing through and jumped when some dude was sleeping on the ground. Why he was sleeping in a terminal, heck would Flippy know?

He saw the familiar shade of red that mixed in with white specks. He tried calling for her, but instead got a sideways glance from her older brother.

The boy snickered at Phillip and blew a raspberry. He laughed and held his sister's hand; pulling her forward so she wouldn't notice the green-haired boy behind them. Flippy felt offended and thought, 'What's his deal?', but he carried on with his plan.

Phillip still had the hedgehog in his knapsack – even though she's been nothing but trouble – and he wanted to give it to her before she left to wherever the heck she was going.

He hid behind a pillar and grabbed little Fable out of his bag. He quickly checked every two seconds to make sure no one was looking at him. When he was ready, he stepped out and was about to present the creature to her, but got blocked by some fat guy eating chicken wings?

"Hey fatty move it!" he covered his mouth almost instantly after he said those words. He's never been rude to any stranger before; usually he would show respect to them no matter what…size.

"Crap…" was all he said before he ran away from the big guy.

"My, for someone as lethargic looking as him, he can run pretty dang fast," he said aloud.

Phillip noticed behind the man a long trail of jelly-beans and chicken crumbs. What did he get himself into now? Before he could think, he felt himself skid across the floor and felt his…"you know" land on a metal pole.

He puffed out his cheeks and started biting his lip from the excruciating pain going on in his pants. Flippy grabbed his crotch and tried taking slow, deep breaths. He bit his hair to keep himself from screaming and slowly got up. He felt tears beginning to well up in his eyes, but tried to contain himself.

He looked behind him to discover no large man behind him, but he noticed a janitor putting a 'Caution: Wet' sign on the same exact spot where Phillip slipped.

He tapped the janitor's shoulder and calmly stated, "First of all," or not so calmly stated, "Really? Really! Come on; right now? Perfect timing! Second of all, why do janitors wear overalls?"

The janitor – with a very big grey moustache – shrugged his shoulders.

"Thirdly…" Phillip grabbed the old man's mop and started stabbing his stomach with it. The man gave out a few "Ouches" and "Oofs".

"Yeah, that's what you get…" he grinned proudly until he noticed the custodian had called security.

"Oops…what is wrong with me today?" he got up and ran to the nearest gift shop.

It held merchandise that said stuff like, "London 2001!" or "Big Ben is My Friend!" or even "A Stupid Ninny, Went All The Way To The U.K Just To Get Me A Bloody Shirt…"

'Do people really buy that stuff?' Phillip put that thought aside and continued running from the cops. He swerved through the hangers and accidently knocked one shelf down. Candy laid everywhere and the children in the store started a mob trying to get to the spilled treats.

"I want it mommy!"

"Sugar, sugar, SUGAR!"

"Go buy me a sweet treat mumsy!

"I'm a vegetarian…"

"Get me one now!"

It was full on riot. Phillip was always clumsy in stores; he never really knew why, but it always happened. He would always spill something or break something or dump something in an incinerator – don't get him started on that story.

At least that got the cops distracted and that gave Flippy some time to escape, or so he thought. He was stepping on marbles and falling on top of mannequins and - while tripping – in the girls' aisle he accidently grabbed a couple of clothes off the rack. When he got out he looked at a mirror and noticed he had on new attire.

Phillip was now wearing a jean jacket – over his original clothes - ; a yellow headband with a plaid flower coming off of it, a pink boa around his neck, and in his right hand was a purse. Good thing he didn't go in the shoes department, he doesn't look too good in stilettos; that's coming from him.

As fast as he could, he removed the ladies' clothing and made a run for the door, but not before being grabbed by his collar.

Phillip gulped and looked up to see two male officers looking pretty crossly at him.

"Hey officers…" he chuckled and gently tapped his elbow against the police's shirt, "So do you wanna grab a couple of doughnuts?"

I guess we should close the scene at that unless you want to see Phillip embarrass himself some more.

…

Phillip was waiting outside of the glass room. He could see his parents arguing to the two men who had just caught him.

He rubbed his fingers back and forth out of nervousness. He didn't mean to get in trouble; he just wanted to see…Fable. Only now does he realize that after all he's been through, he still didn't get to see her.

"Psst…" Phillip looked tot his left and didn't see anything. He turned his attention back towards his hands, but was distracted again when something hit his head.

"Psst…"

"What!" Flippy was getting irritated. He saw the source of the noise was coming from a police officer. He had blonde hair and stubbles all over his chin. His total appearance made him look like a slob.

The man gave him a sly smile – he looked almost drunk.

Phillip was getting nervous at the way the man was staring at him.

"Do you want some of my crispy pork rinds?"

"Umm, no?"

"How about some of my peanuts?"

"I'm allergic to peanuts…"

"What a shame…peanuts are good for your colon; or at least I think so."

"Where did you hear that?"

"On Wikipedia…the Ethernet never lies!"

"You mean internet, right?"

"Same concept…"

"No…"

"Yes!" he dragged out his 's' like a snake.

"Okay…whatever."

"WHATEVER! Back in my day there was no such term!"

"Okay, but that were back then; now is the present."

"I love Christmas!"

"I wasn't talking about Christmas…"

"You said present right? So, ye' be talking 'bout Christmas right there!"

"Never mind old man…"

"Old! I am as youthful as you little boy!"

"Can you do a cartwheel?"

"I reckon I give it a shot!"

"Do it now…"

"But I just took my meds and my doctor said not to do cartwheels while on my meds."

"He really said that?"

"No, but he said somethin' just like it!"

"Sure…"

"It's the truth; I promise by the Good Book!"

"You mean the bible? Hey, why are you talking like that?"

"I am practicing my improvisation! Although, everything I just said was true but I changed my voice."

"Wonderful…"

"Aren't I good?"

"No…"

"Shame; you want some of my pork rinds now?"

"I don't want your darn pork rinds! Why are you talking to me anyway?"

"Because you are letting me do so, silly!"

"I guess I can't argue with that. I dug my own grave."

"You look down; can you tell me what's on your mind?"

"Nah, I don't want to bother you…"

"But, I just bothered you…"

"Huh?"

"You can bother me so we're even!"

"How old are you again?"

"I'm eleven…"

"Great…"

"So, go on with your story!"

"There is this girl and…wait if you're eleven how come you have stubbles? Also, why are you here? Also, why are you in a police outfit?"

"These are just cheese puffs," the person licked his mouth, "And, I don't really know why I'm here; I just wanted to stop by the department! And, remember improvisation! That is why I'm wearing this! Now, stop dilly dallying and tell the story."

"Well there is this girl and I really wanted to say hello to her again, but she didn't look at me. I wanted to give her hedgehog back," he pulled out little Fable.

"So cute! And, I'm not just talking about the hedgehog! This girl must really mean something to you if she caught Phillip Phren's attention!"

"Yeah and… wait how do you know my name?"

"Oh, darling I know all of this city's boy hotties! And honey, you are on the top 10!"

"Hehehe…how nice?" Phillip was getting creeped out.

"Yep!"

"Hey, got any advice for my dilemma?"

"Oh, no I don't work with girls…"

"What?"

"I am a homosexual, drrr, earth to Phillip! Here is a picture of my BF! Isn't he so hot!"

"Umm, I'd rather not answer that question…"

"I love him to pieces, but he's not my one true love. I might become a heterosexual later on actually. As you can see I'm a flip-flopper, because I can't decide my sexuality. I think it's because I believe that you can love anybody no matter what shape, size, or body type. That's my belief!"

"Good for you…"

"Now don't be a homophobe! I think maybe one day we could be a couple!"

Phillip only thought of one thing when he heard him/her say that, 'Pedophile…'

…

That he/she kept talking on and on about being a cross-dresser and was talking about his/her love life. Phillip couldn't tell anymore if the person he was talking to was a boy or girl and he didn't care.

"I love what you did to your hair! Did you dye it green? It matches your eyes so well!"

"No, for the last time I didn't dye it!"

"Geez, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed," he/she began filing their nails.

Phillip finally heard his parents call him, "THANK YOU! Mom, dad you have no idea what kind of torture I've just been through!"

The female/male looked at him offended and resumed eating the pork rinds.

"Okay Phillip, we may leave now," his mother affectionately smiled at him.

"TEXT ME!" the boy/girl waved over to Phillip and showed him the girliest smile he had ever seen.

They walked out of the building, but Phillip noticed something out of the ordinary.

"Mom, where are the fees?"

"What fees?"

"The fees you have to pay for you know what I just did."

"Oh, we won't be paying any fees!"

"Why?"

"We convinced him to…"

"You told him about my mental disorders, didn't you?"

"W-well…"

"Or you told him I was a victim of the massacre or even both…"

"Y-yes, but…"

"Why? I don't want to be treated special just because something terrible happened to me!"

Hannah and William have never been scared of their own child, but now they were cowering.

"You think I need all this baby treatment, huh? Well, I don't okay! I can stand up for myself!" they walked pass a potted plant and he kicked it over. Clay pieces were lying everywhere.

"Phillip you know you can't do that!" she grabbed her son by the shoulders and turned him to face her. She was shocked to find…yellow eyes.

"P-Phillip? I-is that y-you?" his eyes changed back to green.

"Of course mom," he pushed her hands off of him rudely and went to the automatic doors before them.

They were all quiet when they entered the parking lot – despite all the noise from the cars – and Phillip entered the car; slamming the door and maybe leaving a scratch on the other vehicle.

William sighed and looked at his wife. She was sniffling and she wiped her face with her sleeve because of the tears that were coming down her face, but they both entered the car as well to leave the airport.

…

"Phillip, it's time for school!" Charles yelled from the bottom of the stairs.

Flippy had packed all his stuff and ate his breakfast. The thing that happened at the airport was long behind him. He moved on from it – except he can't get the image of that hermaphrodite out of his head – and was ready for his first day of learning.

He knew he would be a year older than everyone because they had to postpone his learning experience because of his mental health, but school was school.

Neatly, he brought everything downstairs and said goodbye to his parents. Charles was waiting outside in front of the limousine.

"Do we have to go to school in something so fancy Charles?"

"Well, it is proper…."

"Fine…" he reluctantly got in the car.

Phillip was wearing a uniform which was knee socks with black polished shoes. His pants were a tan brown to contrast with his navy blue shirt. It was a button-up shirt with a collar around the neck. The cuffs of his wrists were trimmed in gold and the rim around his waist was gold as well. The buttons were silver and in one of Phillip's pockets was a silver pocket watch. His green hair was tucked into a neat ponytail like it used to be.

When they arrived at the school, Phillip noticed how big it was. The entrance had a grand golden-coated gate guarding the school grounds, while in the courtyard was a peaceful fountain spitting out spurs of clear blue water.

The buildings didn't disappoint either. Since this school was a combination between elementary, middle school, and high school, there were a lot of buildings to support the mass of students.

To his left, were the middle school grounds. They were a maximum of three buildings and all of them were about 5 stories high. In the center, were the high school grounds. They had had five buildings, but each was only three stories high. Finally to his right were the elementary school buildings. His campus had 3 buildings as well and each were five stories high.

This was an elite school so it was no surprise. To even set foot on school grounds you had to be either really smart or really rich. Phillip was both, but some people aren't so lucky.

When families become bankrupt, the school does nothing but kick them out. If you had an intelligent kid, being smart was the only reason you would be there. The principal could toss you out if you started failing a lot of your classes. More than 2 D's and you were out. More than 3 C's you were out. More than 4 B's and you were out. Hell, if you had more than 1 A- you were kicked out. The same could go for the rich kids, but they could just pay there way into the school. 'Spoiled Brats…'

If you were entering the school you had to take an entrance exam. However, Phillip is only starting kindergarten so he didn't have to.

Phillip got out of the limo and right away people were staring at him. Sure he was coming into school already after the first quarter, but he couldn't have gained that much attention. Maybe it was the limo, but so many kids come in even fancier things.

He swung his backpack over his right shoulder and began walking towards his designated area. People were still eyeballing at him though, and it was getting kind of creepy. They were pointing at him and whispered in each other's ears; they nodded when they agreed with what the other person was saying.

The children were also staring at his robotic arm. It looked exactly like a real arm – unless you touched it and then you could feel the metal – but apparently they could tell when they looked at his shoulder and a part of the seam and the bandage was visible.

Phillip touched his shoulder and walked away embarrassed. Afterwards, he heard various snickers and laughs coming from the crowd.

He walked to the medical building before actually going to his side of the campus. He had to tell the school nurses – nurses because it was a big school – about his pills. On the way to the school he actually had to take some. He's even taking some now on his way to the office.

His head would start hurting every time he did, but it helped stray his thoughts away from what happened in November. He definitely did not want to think about that dark period of his life.

Flippy found the building C-1 and walked in. He pushed open the wooden door to reveal a pretty good looking medical office. There was carpeted flooring in the waiting area, but after that followed laminated hardwood floors. On the walls, hung pictures of past students and fellow teachers. There were also pictures of what the school looked like back when it was founded – 1900.

The school was much smaller back then, but it looked affable.

Phillip walked up to the counter and saw a young lady with curly orange hair. She had on a nurse's outfit and you could barely notice she put bare makeup on herself. She gently smiled.

"How may I assist you, young sir?"

"Umm, yes I'm here to tell you about my prescriptions…"

"Aah, yes, you must be Phillip Phren. Don't worry because your parents have already informed us about your pills."

"Oh, but I thought…oh never mind then."

"How are you doing with them, I mean the medicine?"

"Doing wonderful, they don't help a whole lot though…"

"Indeed, they can't work on their own, but you have to fight as well. Do you get nightmares still?"

He nodded his head, "In most of my dreams I hear a voice telling me to do things, bad things, but I don't want to. However, whenever I wake up I get these urges."

"What kind of urges?"

"I-I don't like t-talking about it…"

"Okay, but if anything happens just page me," she handed him a pager.

"C-can you trust me with this?"

"I don't see why not…"

The lady smiled at him and introduced herself as, "Caron…Caron Weilheimer at your service…"

Phillip took out his cell-phone (AN: I know he is too young to have a phone, but just to help move the plot!) while walking to his classroom. He looked at the wallpaper which was a picture of him and his horse Thunder. He got his horse around the age of four, but had to give him away because they couldn't afford him after a while. He misses him dearly, but he must move on.

He found the C wing and went up the stairs looking for his room. Around him people were still giggling and pointing at him. All these stares were making him uncomfortable and he was about to say something when he bumped into someone.

"I'm sorry miss are you okay?" they landed on the ground, but he helped her up and assisted in picking up her books.

"Thank you sir I-I…" she stopped mid-sentence when she saw the boy who just helped her. She gulped and made her way around him in a quick manor and at a barely audible tone said, "Sorry…"

…

Why was the school acting this way around him? It made him feel like an outcast, but he remembered Mike's speech and continued moving forward. He walked up the stairs at a slow pace and reached the fifth floor.

"C-96, C-98, C-100, and here we are C-102!" Flippy reached his classroom and he actually had a lot of time before school started – he got there an hour early. The campus opens up early because some parents actually dislike their kids and want to leave them under the care of someone else. Those were only a few cases.

Phillip looked through the window to take a peek at his classroom. He saw his teacher in there filing papers. He waved to her and she smiled kindly in response.

She was a Taiwanese lady with her black hair in a messy bun. She had a flower pinned to her head and wore the standard uniform that the school teachers wore. She had a white pencil skirt and a button up blue shirt. She wore a dark navy jacket – just like Phillip's – as well.

Phillip's melancholy spirit was a bit uplifted when he saw how nice his teacher seemed, but he soon became confused when he was suddenly on the ground.

Someone pounced on him. Someone he didn't want to see for…well, the rest of his life.

"Hi Phillip! It's me the improvisation man!" the he/she had his/her hair in pigtails today and she wore the girl outfit instead of the boy's.

"Oh hey…umm…"

"Steph of course, remember?"

"Oh was that your name? I forgot it…"

She slapped his arm, "You have a great sense of humor!"

"Great, but can you get off of me because I can't breathe…."

"Sorry little green head!"

"Don't call me that…"

"I can call you whatever I want silly!" he/she got off of him.

"You go to this school?" he rubbed the back of his head.

"Yeah, I knew you would to, but I didn't want to sound stalkerish!"

"Well that didn't make you seem like a stalker, but…someotherstuffdid…" he said in a hurried tone.

"I heard that…"

"You were supposed to anyway…"

"Change of subject: Have you seen my boyfriend?"

"No….hey mind me asking…"

"Yes…"

"Are you a boy or a girl?" he looked at her like he was in deep thought.

She/he looked at him in a flirtatious manner, "That you have to discover for yourself…"

Phillip felt her/his finger crawl up his shirt and he pushed it away, "At least tell me what you're registered as at this school."

"You know you are tall for a seven year old!"

"Answer me!"

"Oh the bells about to ring…catch you later!"

"Now!"

"Oh, fine. I'm registered as a girl here, but everyone knows that I'm a cross dresser."

"Thanks because I was getting confused…"

"You know what…"

"Umm…what?"

"Let's go!" she quickly grabbed his hand and made him run down the hallways with her.

"Where the hell are you taking me?"

"Oh, Phillip I never knew you cursed. I never did 'til I was in fourth grade!"

"Tell me where we are going please!"

She stopped in one of the many hallways and took out a plastic bag, "Pork rinds?"

"No, and you took me all the way here to eat crispy pork rinds?"

"No, these aren't crispy…"

"You get my point!"

"I didn't come here to let you eat my pork rinds…"

"Then w-what…"

She silenced him with her index finger and slowly said,

"I'm taking you on The Tour de' School!"

If you can tell, I was a bit crazy while writing this. Please don't ask why. I had so many ideas joggled up in my mind I had to let it out.

Also, here is a quick question: I have plans on turning this story into an anime and potentially posting it on youtube, but I don't know if I should. It would probably take a while to draw the characters and I just don't know if it's a good idea. I plan on being the director and voice of Flaky – maybe even do some other stuff – but I want your opinion. Tell me in the reviews if I should continue with this idea or stick it into the recycling bin. Bye for now!

~ catch ya' later (^_^)