Authors note: Ok this is uber later than what I usually update this at and I'm truly sorry to my readers… feel free to sick Shukaku on me as punishment I deserve it

Andersonfanandadmirer: it's not that soon of an update I know sorry :( and as for Yoshiko's dad… I'm afraid anything regarding that will be in the next chapter.

Princess of Altea-170: thanks glad you like it :) and it will continue a little before a time skip

IAmAurora: Thanks :) ah I'll keep an eye out and try to catch myself when I mess up on the names but I don't think I'll have that problem too much longer…

Ashark: thank you I try to make characters that are likeable and believable and not so 'Mary Sue' so to speak, glad you like her

isthisparadise: thank you! Sorry it's a bit late.

Erika Darkmoon: thanks glad you like it

And thank you to all who are still with me though I won't blame any of you if you've gone and found a better fanfic that updates regularly, but for those who are still here with me I hope you enjoy chapter 10.

---Goodbye---

Despite Gaara's best efforts it was becoming increasingly harder for him to go see Yoshiko. His uncle didn't seem to mind at first but then he started to watch Gaara, Gaara could feel his uncles eyes on his back sometimes and it made him shiver. One day his uncle wouldn't let him go out no matter how much he asked, pleaded, protested and cried.

Yashamaru could sense Gaara becoming increasingly unstable as time passed without him seeing his friend and it was beginning to worry him. He planned to stop his charge's attempts to find the girl on his own but it was proving to be difficult, he would have to do it slowly… at least until the girl was found. Her own family had requested time to search for her but they had yet to have any luck. Yashamaru knew they had been training the girl above and beyond what a normal child of her age should know of the ninja arts, but she was still a little girl… and she shouldn't be able to hide this well. At first Yashamaru hadn't suspected Gaara, but as time continued and she was not found he began to wonder if his nephew did not perhaps have a hand in all of this.

That night when Yashamaru had gone to bed Gaara placed his hand to the wall in his bedroom. The sand fell away to reveal Yoshiko's backpack which he had been secretly hiding and filling with things for her. Clothes, food, water, medicine, kunai and shuriken in pouches, anything he could think of that would be useful he tried to fit in the backpack while trying not to make it too heavy at the same time. Hitching the backpack onto his shoulders he gave a small 'oomph' at the weight and hoped it wasn't too much. He had one last item he had to get before meeting up with Yoshiko later.

---

"Gaara-kun, Is that you?" Yoshiko whispered out from the darkness of the hideout.

"It's me." he said as he leapt off his sand platform raising the fabric to let himself in. "I got all the stuff you'd ever need." He said holding the backpack up in front of him with a little effort. Yoshiko got up from the bed and limped over to where he was. She was much better than before, but it still hurt to move and she had found her right leg had become a little stiff.

"I'm glad you keep coming back…" she said wrapping her arms around him in a tight hug.

"Why wouldn't I?" he asked sounding confused.

"I guess I'm scared… that something might happen… I had a nightmare, you didn't come back but my dad did come, and I never got to see you again." Gaara hugged her tightly. He didn't truly understand nightmares, but he did know they were scary things. Gaara set the backpack down on the bed while Yoshiko lit the small handful of candles she had on the dresser, in their small nook in the pillar it was the only light they had at night. Gaara set the things out on the bed for her to see.

"I tried to think of stuff you'd need… did I get enough?" Yoshiko nodded then reached over to her bed side table and took the picture of her and Gaara off of it and placed it on top of the things on the bed.

"This way I'll be able to see you every day." Gaara nodded and smiled. Or he tried to; instead he sniffed and quickly rubbed his arm over his eyes.

"Here…" he said quickly reaching into his pocket to pull out a red hitai ate headband. "I know we get these when we're big but… I-I don't want you to forget ok?" Gaara couldn't stop the sob that slipped past his lips. He gritted his teeth as he scrunched his eyes shut clutching his shirt over his chest trying to will back the overwhelming pain rising in his chest. It had never been this bad before had it? The pain? No… it hurt more, much more than it had before. He suddenly felt Yoshiko's arms close tightly around him and he quickly clung to her as if she would disappear if he did not.

"I'm going to miss you!" He wailed into her shoulder as she tried to comfort him. In the beginning when he had told her of his plan for her to run away he had said he would come with her, but she had said no. He had an uncle that cared about him, a brother and sister who would miss him, and so he had agreed to stay. But that was when the pain had started to return and was much worse than before. Any time he thought of Yoshiko and the fact that she was leaving… and the thought that he had no idea if or when he would ever see her again. It was for the best, he kept telling himself, she would be safe if she ran away. Just like in the stories Yashamaru told him about the children who would run away and have adventures.

"I'm going to miss you too Gaara-kun, I'm going to miss you so much." Gaara heard her give a sniff and knew she was crying too.

"Promise you'll come back?"

"Promise." She said latching her pinky around his. "Pinky promise, when I'm strong enough I'll come back." Gaara nodded.

"I'll make sure I'm strong too… I'll protect you ok?" he said tightening his pinky around hers. Yoshiko lifted her head slightly to smile at him, and it had to have been the saddest looking smile Gaara had ever seen. He thought people only smiled when they were happy, but Yoshiko seemed as if she would start crying at any moment. Neither of them were sure how much time past as they clung to each other not letting go. Finally they let go and Yoshiko took her treasure box and opened it.

"Gaara-kun, I want you to have this 'kay?"

"Yoshiko-Chan… what happened to your pendant?" the pendant that she had always worn and had said was a precious thing her mother gave her was now broken clean into two halves, the metal loop at the top had been pressed down on each one to make a smaller loop with one leather strap going through each and was tied in a simple knot as opposed to the complex knot the two pieces of leather strap made.

"I want you to keep one to remember me ok?" She said placing it around his neck.

"But…" It was as far as he got before he looked up from the pendant around his neck to look at his friend and stopped, he was happy to have something to remember his friend by, even though he hoped he would never ever forget.

The two stole out into the nigh, Gaara carrying them down to the ground on his sand platform before the two headed out on foot into the surrounding desert. Yoshiko leaned on him slightly as they walked her hand on his shoulder though she could walk without support for some reason Yoshiko felt the need for the contact, to have the reassurance that he was there. The two walked forward until the first rays of dawn began to light the sky.

"Gaara-kun… you have to start heading back now ok?" Gaara nodded numbly.

"Don't worry… I'll hide you while you keep going ok? I'll ask the sand to hide you." Yoshiko smiled and nodded. Then, without another word or even a glance back she began walking forward as Gaara stood where he was watching her go.

"You come back ok?!" He finally managed to cry out after her. She raised her hand to the sky pointing her pinky in the air as a reminder of the promise they had made. I have to hide her… I have to make it so no one will be able to see her leaving…

"Mother…" Gaara said placing his hands together, his mother's will was in the sand… that was why it protected him… surely she would want to help him save his friend. If there was anyone who could help him at this point, anyone he could ask help from, he was certain it was her. "Mother, please help my hide my friend." Gaara felt a sudden wave overtake him nearly overwhelming him completely.

"I will help you… I will give you the power needed to help your friend… but you must let me out… let me be free." The voice that seemed to resound in his mind made Gaara tremble as he could feel the force and power behind it which made him fall to his knees in the sand.

"Please… help my friend…" was all he felt himself capable of saying, but it seemed as if that was enough. The sand picked up around him swirling then spread, as if a great wind had picked up taking the sand with it. Gaara tried to cry out but found no sound come from his throat.

"Don't worry… since you're being so kind in letting me have some fun I will make sure no one can see into the desert this morning." As the voice spoke Gaara felt himself falling into a darkness that seemed to have no end.

Back in the village, just as people were waking up, the ninja's on watch rang the warning bells that sounded that there was a sandstorm coming. Yashamaru who was out patrolling the boundaries of the village had to hurry his team home. He couldn't help but continuously turn to watch it as they ran. It had come up out of nowhere with no warning or seemingly winds to stir it on. Also, he couldn't help but shake the feeling that something very deadly lay in the center of the oncoming rush of sand. The village barricaded itself down while Yashamaru, who had already run around inside the house looking for his young charge, now ran around outside the house crying out for Gaara. Since the other sand siblings were safe with their father for the moment Baki was there to haul the other man inside telling him that his nephew would be alright, that the storm would do the boy no harm. Finally relenting they went inside and shut the house up. For hours upon hours the storm seemed to rage the sound of wind seemed to scream between the buildings and tear at the windows and their shutters though the houses stood strong and nothing gave way to the surge of the storms power. Finally, after what felt to be forever to Yashamaru who wanted to go outside and look for his charge, the winds seemed to die down and the storm subsided. Opening the door to step outside Yashamaru's eye's widened at what he saw; jumping up higher to get a better look the medic surveyed the scene. Gouge marks lined several houses and streets as if some great beast had come along and… Gaara. Yashamaru immediately jumped to the roof ready to look for the small jinchūriki. Though, before he could go any further, he stopped when his eyes fell upon the small form which lay cured up tightly only a few feet from him.

"Gaara-sama? Gaara-sama!" Yashamaru quickly rushed over to the boy, if he was injured… no if he was asleep… carefully and cautiously he placed a hand on the boys shoulder and tried to turn him slightly so he could see his face. Gaara turned his head slightly to look up at his uncle drowsily through partly opened eyes, he looked exhausted.

"Gaara-sama, are you alright?" he asked not able to help the sound of relief in his tone. Gaara looked up at the fuzzy blur that spoke to him only able to wonder why it sounded so funny. Realizing that the boy was unable to speak or seemingly even able to recognize him the medic scooped the boy up in his arms and headed towards the home of the Kazekage.

---

A few days later and Gaara was up and about again practically as good as new. Though as they days turned into weeks it was obvious that while he had recovered from his exhaustion, though they had never found the cause, his mental state was worsening. There were times he would scream and cry for no reason, the sand reaching out to attack whoever was close by. He was put under a tighter watch by both Baki and Yashamaru which only seemed to make it worse for he could no longer go out and watch the horizon to see if he could see his friend hoping that she would come home soon, some day. One time Gaara came close to having what seemed to be a panic attack. When Baki had found him Gaara was clutching a hand to his chest the other to his head, his eyes were wide and his moth agape as his lungs heaved heavily trying to breath in air. In this time other nin had started the search for the missing child not only for the father's sake but also for the hope that she would be able to calm Gaara down.

"She's gone, that's all there is to it." Yashamaru said to Baki one evening when they were certain Gaara was out of earshot.

"She couldn't be in the village, there's no way a child can hide from an accomplished ninja. And if she was outside the village when the storm hit…" Baki didn't finish his sentence, he didn't need to, and Gaara was glad for it.

In the weeks leading up Gaara's birthday Gaara suddenly calmed down. No one was sure why or what had caused it, but the boy had suddenly become somewhat passive. Slowly at first, as if to make sure, Gaara was allowed some freedom of movement once more. His first act on the day he was allowed to go outside on his own Gaara found himself visiting the park he had first seen Yoshiko at. Once again his bear was tucked under his arm as he sat by himself on one of the swings as he watched the other kids play. Gaara felt as if he was numb, the flood of emotions he had been experiencing since Yoshiko left had seemingly become too much. Whenever he had thought back onto the fun they had had together he had felt joy, which had quickly turned to sadness, which seemed to lead to anger and pain. In the end he wasn't sure what to feel anymore, it just all seemed to be too much. His mind wandered to the day prior, his sixth birthday. He had celebrated it with Yashamaru, Baki, and since he had been behaving Kankuro and Temari had been allowed to come as well. Surrounded by those who cared about him Gaara felt something close to joy, something he felt he wouldn't ever feel again. Though at the same time he felt afraid, almost as if he felt joy it would only be taken away again.

"Watch out!" one of the kids cried out drawing Gaara out of his daydream back to watch the other kids play. One of the boys kicked the ball hard towards the goal one of the others just missing a dive to stop it. The goalie placed his hands out to stop it only causing the ball to fly straight up and get stuck on the ledge above them.

"What should we do?" One of the boys asked as Gaara's eyes went from the ball to the children and back again.

"We can't use the wall climbing technique yet." As the children looked up at their ball, Gaara willed a small amount of sand to carry the ball down to him. The ball landed softly in his hands as the sand fell away.

"You're…" Gaara turned to face the children his eyes on the ball before he chanced to look up at the children who seemed ready to run for their lives. He looked down once more before looking at them again as he offered them their ball back.

"Here…" He said his voice sounding slightly deadpan.

"It's Gaara…" One of the girls said the others still looking on in fear.

"Gaara of the sand…"

"Run!" one of them cried and with that the whole group turned to its heals and fled crying out in fear. Gaara's eyes widened as he watched them run then his expression turned to one of sadness as he reached a hand out to them.

"Wait! Don't leave me alone!" He pleaded but none of them seemed interested in listening. However, the sand was listening. It formed itself arms and hands which reached out for the children latching onto legs causing them to fall.

"Help me!" One of the captured boys cried as they tried to find some grip on the sand beneath them while the sand that held them pulled them back. As they were dragged back towards him Gaara felt his sadness and fear turn to anger and hate. I… Don't want to be alone anymore, he thought to himself as his expression turned to one of anger. Acting on his emotions the sand tightened its grip on the children it held while memories of always being alone seemed to bubble to the surface of Gaara's mind. I…

"No!" One of the girls cried out as the sand raised itself from the ground only happy to carry out the anger Gaara was feeling, to take it out on those who had caused it. She raised an arm to shield herself only to have someone jump in the way of the sands attack at the last second. Looking up Gaara suddenly felt himself snapped out of his anger as if it was never there.

"Gaara-sama, please, calm down." Yashamaru asked as he lowed his arms blood flowing form the wounds the sand… no the wounds Gaara had inflicted on him.

"Yashamaru…" As realization dawned on him a look of sadness washed over his face as he looked to the ground letting the ball fall from his hands as the sand also fell lifeless once more. The children lay where they were on the ground too scared to move; even the girl who had been guarded by Yashamaru seemed to be paralyzed with fear, a fear of him.

Back at home Gaara was pacing around the living room. He couldn't stop he couldn't keep still as the same thoughts continuously bombarded his mind. He hadn't meant to hurt them, it wasn't what he was trying to do, it had happened before but each time… Yoshiko, when I asked the sand to hide her… did it hurt her? Baki said that no one could've survived in that… did I…? No she's my friend, my best friend, I wouldn't have… I couldn't have… could I? Gaara gritted his teeth forcing tears back as the pain ripped at his chest as his mind swam. No, he couldn't have killed her, it wasn't possible, the sand had always protected her when he had asked. It had hurt her once but after then never, so why… he gripped at his head as he started breathing in and out heavily as if he could not get enough air into his lungs. He felt like he was drowning and there was nothing he could do about it.

"Mother… I didn't – when I asked you to hide Yoshiko… did… she's not hurt is she?" he asked looking at the photo of his mother but of course he heard no reply. He looked at his hand that held the small metal knife. What… was the point? Was there a point anymore? He could barely remember the fun time he had with Yoshiko; the harder he tried to hold onto them the more they seemed to slip through his fingers like melting ice. He couldn't stop them from melting away, from dripping through his mind away from him forever. If his joy was leaving him… his memories… his friends… if they were leaving never to come back… then shouldn't he…? Lifting the knife he brought up his other hand turning his wrist up and without anything more than a hopeful plea in his mind stabbed for his wrist. Immediately before the metal could touch him the sand swirled between his wrist and the knife stopping him.

"It's no use… the sand always gets in the way." He muttered as he lowered the knife watching as the swirling sand slowly fell back to the ground.

"Gaara-sama." Gaara jumped at his name unaware that anyone else was even in the house. Turning he saw his bandaged uncle with a saddened expression on his face.

"Yashamaru."

"I was ordered by Kazekage-sama to be your caretaker." Yashamaru said simply as he walked over to his charge. "I am to keep an eye on your health and protect you. Please don't do such a thing in front of me." Yashamaru added a sad yet hopeful look on his face as Gaara looked at the ground. "But then again, the sand will protect you." Gaara looked back up at his uncle then down again feeling as if he was unable to look at his uncle and see the injuries he himself had given him.

"Yashamaru, I'm sorry." He finally managed to say. His uncle looked at him surprised for a moment then at the injury on his arm.

"Oh, this? It's just a scratch." He tried saying casually as he gently touched the injury on his head as well so that his nephew wouldn't think anything of it.

"Do wounds hurt?" Gaara asked finally looking up at his uncle his expression sad. He knew they had to but it was almost like they didn't or at least his uncle acted like they didn't… did not all wounds hurt or something?

"Just a little. It will heal quickly, though." Was the honest reply Gaara was given as Yashamaru smiled down at him. Gaara tilted his head up a little as he looked at his uncle for a moment before finally finding himself able to continue.

"Hey, Yashamaru…"

"Yes?"

"What does pain feel like?" Yashamaru looked surprised at the question as if not expecting it. He had been around others in pain, seen them in pain, and heard them cry out… "I've never been hurt before, so I was wondering how it felt…" he said as he raised his hand to look at his wrist where he had moments ago aimed the knife hoping to do himself harm. Yashamaru looked around for a moment a sad and thoughtful look on his face.

"How should I explain this… it's painful and unbearable… like when a person is shot or cut, he becomes very ill at ease and he can't think normally, I can't explain it well, but simply put, it's not a very good condition to be in." Yashamaru rubbed the back of his head with his hand as if embarrassed with the poor response he had given to the potent question he had just been asked. The words went through Gaara's mind as he again looked at the injuries he was responsible for. He felt the tears sting his eyes again as he felt his chest twist causing his breathing to falter for a moment.

"Yashamaru."

"Yes?"

"Then, do you hate me, Yashamaru?" Gaara asked unable to look at his uncle as he felt the question fall from his mouth. He felt as if his uncle would hate him, why wouldn't he? He had put his uncle in a condition that wasn't very good to be in… or something like that. He remembered Yoshiko's father and how he had caused her to feel pain, when he had watched it he had felt a terrible wrenching in his chest, was that how Yashamaru felt? If so then there was no doubt that his uncle would hate him. He looked to the floor then back at his uncle who seemed uncertain though Gaara himself thought he knew the answer before his uncle could give it.

"People hurt each other and get hurt during their lifetimes. But it is difficult to hate another."

"Thanks Yashamaru!" a wave of relief seemed to flood over him, the one person he cared about that was still here didn't hate him. He smiled up at his uncle gratefully happy that he didn't hate him. "I think I understand what hurting is, now."

"Really?"

"Maybe, I'm injured too, like everyone else. I always hurt here…" he said as the hand that still held the knife clutched at his chest over his heart where it thudded in his chest. "I'm not bleeding, but my chest really hurts here." The wind blew fiercely outside kicking up the sand causing the windows to shake lightly which in turn caused Gaara to shiver as his thoughts momentarily returned to when he had caused a sand storm. Yashamaru walked over to Gaara and crouched in front of him before gently taking the knife from his charges hand. Gaara flinched and his eyes widened in surprise a gasp escaped his lips as Yashamaru brought the knife down on his own finger drawing blood. Blood dripped down from the cut finger as Gaara gritted his teeth wondering why Yashamaru would do such a thing.

"Flesh wounds bleed, and they may seem painful… but as time goes by, the pain eventually disappears. And if you use medicine, the wounds will heal even faster. But the tricky wounds are the ones in your heart. Those are difficult to heal."

"A wound of the heart?" Gaara repeated not sure he quite understood.

"A wound of the heart is different from a flesh wound. Unlike a flesh wound there are no ointments to heal it, and there are times when they never heal." Gaara placed a hand over his heart once more. Was this a wound that would never heal? Would he always feel like this?

"But there is one thing that can heal a wound of the heart." Yashamaru continued causing Gaara to look at him wide eyed and hopeful. "It is a troublesome medicine and you can only receive it from another person." He said as he looked to the portrait of his sister.

"What? How can I heal this…?" He turned his head to look at the picture wondering if the answer was hidden here.

"The thing that can heal the wound of the heart is… love." He said looking back to Gaara who in turn looked back at him.

"Love?" he repeated still not sure he understood and felt upset because of it.

"Yes."

"How can I get that? What should I do to get rid of this pain…?" he asked sounding panicked. He wanted to get rid of this pain, he wanted it to be gone and done he didn't want to feel it with what felt like every waking moment.

"Gaara-sama, you have already received it." He looked at his charge for a moment more before both pairs of eyes went back to the picture. "Love is the spirit of devoting yourself to someone important and close to you… it is expressed by caring for and protecting that person. Just like my sister. I believed that my sister always loved you, Gaara-sama. The Shukaku of the Sand is a living soul that is usually used for combat purposes. The sand automatically protects you because of love. I believe the will of your mother is inside of the sand. My sister probably wanted to protect you, even after her death."

"Yashamaru."

"Yes?" Yashamaru asked looking back at Gaara wondering what he could possibly ask next hoping he was ready to answer what ever it could possibly be.

"Thanks back there… for stopping me."

"My pleasure." He said smiling as he carefully in his mouth. "You are a person who is important and close to me after all, Gaara-sama." Walking over to his uncle Gaara carefully took his hand from his mouth and brought it towards him on eye level despite Yashamaru's momentary attempt to pull it back. Looking at the injury sadly Gaara carefully placed the injured finger in his mouth. It seemed to be what others did with an injury, so perhaps by doing the gesture for his uncle he was in some way helping relieve him of the pain or discomfort. Yashamaru looked at his charge sadness in his eyes; can you feel my pain? His mind asked as he couldn't help but wonder if Gaara had any idea of the pain he himself carried. They stayed like that for a moment before Yashamaru carefully took his finger back.

"It tastes like metal." Gaara commented thoughtfully still looking at the injury wondering if he had managed to do any good at all.

Shortly after Gaara had asked his uncle for ointment hoping that perhaps he would once again be able to find a friend thinking that he may even have better luck now that he understood more about pain. His uncle had smiled like always and handed him the ointment and let him leave without question. Once out the door Yashamaru found himself looking down at his sister's picture once more his hands placed on either side of it. What is it that you would want… Yashamaru thought as he looked at the picture of his dearly departed sister. She had died in hate, cursing the village… wanting nothing more than for her son to carry that hatred. Was he perhaps… doing the wrong thing? Letting Gaara grow up so carefree… his expression tightened as he gritted his teeth, he tried so hard… so hard to raise him… but perhaps that was the problem. While he tried hard at the same time it tore at him so badly all he could do was bury the boy in gifts and leave him to his own devices. When he could stomach being around the one who had killed his sister long enough he would stay up reading to him like a normal parent might. But there were times he looked at the boy and couldn't help but see the life his sister would never have. She would never see her first son and daughter grow into the people they would be, no, there was now only her third and final child who took her life which had turned into one full of hatred in the end. He still remembered… and some nights it woke him in a cold sweat even after all these years… holding his sisters hand near the end, hearing her screams of pain and rage, the curse that was her final breath… that her child would carry on her hatred for the village she had once loved. He had truly tried many times, but he felt as if the fact that he could never forget… never truly let go… did his sister not want him to forget? To never let go? Was it her way of telling him that he was doing the wrong thing?

"Then… what should I do?" he asked the photograph out loud his voice pleading. He wanted to know, he needed to know what to do. It was tearing at him inside not knowing; little did he know that he would soon receive a message on what to do about Gaara, and he would see this as a sign sent from his sister.

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Authors note: Ok a little longer than some of my chapters… sorry! Kinda felt like making it a decent length for not having updated in a while, sorry again. But while my fanfic's are on hold I believe that this may be the first one taken out of hold if I manage to stay on the roll I'm on. Hope you like the update if you haven't all gone off which I wouldn't blame you after I went off for a while. But anyway :) please send smiles or at least review please so that I know people are still reading this and it should be updated and I'll update soon I promise.