Let this be our prayer

Chapter 10

You ever have those days where you're just so completely done? Yeah. This is one of those.

"Everyone, we have a new student joining us today. She is a transfer student from Trost." She turned to her right and motioned for the person outside to enter.

Eren felt his breath completely halt.

The girl nodded towards everyone in the room, "Hello, my name is Mikasa Ackerman. It's nice to meet you."

Not only was it hard to keep his jaw from falling on the floor and making a fool of himself, it was hard to breathe and comprehend what was even happening.

"Mikasa, please choose a seat and class can begin."

Of fucking course she would pick a seat right next to him. Because why not, right?

"Take out your textbooks and turn to page..." He began tuning out the professor. Well, he'll ask someone in his class what the entire lecture was about later so he's not royally screwed.

Everything that happened in his dream came true in reality the very next day. This was too much of a coincidence.

Things had been playing out too smoothly for him to even believe.

Eren subtly glanced to his left. Mikasa looked exactly like the girl in his dreams.

Everything about her was down to a point, that maybe even her personality would be the same. If the brunet got to know her, would she be as protective as she was back then? What was her life like this time around like? Did anything bad happened to her? Did she grow up happy?

He sighed internally. Just because these two girls happened to look alike, didn't necessarily mean they were the same person.

Someone tapped on his shoulder, it was Mikasa.

"Do you mind if I look onto your book too? Mine is coming in the mail next week." Her grey eyes were warm.

"Y-Yeah. No problem." He placed the book in between them, noticing how the raven shifted closer towards his seat.

After several moments of listening to the professor, she spoke again, "I'm Mikasa. You are?"

"Eren. Eren Jeager." At least he can say his name without a damn stutter.

She smiled, a pleasant feeling went through the young man seeing it, "It's nice to meet you, Eren. Do you mind if we hang out after class?"

"Not at all."

Both turned their attention back towards the lecture.

The brunet felt strangely more at ease.

Since Armin and Jean both had a class during Eren's normal lunch hour, he normally went back home and had something there.

But since he had Mikasa, he had a reason to eat something decent at the cafeteria, and apparently so did his new friend.

Once they were both seated, they immediately became involved in conversation.

"So, Mikasa, what made you want to come to Shinganshina?" It wasn't per say unusual that people came to a smaller town, it was just more common to hear people leave for other bigger cities, like Rose, Maria and Trost.

The raven set down her water bottle after taking a drink, "I came here originally because of the education program. It was much better here than it was in Trost. Another reason I came here was because I wanted to try being on my own for once."

"Usually college students live with their families for a while after they graduate, why leave now?" He had heard that some university students leave purely because it's required, others leave by personal choice.

"Well, my oldest brother actually gave me that idea. He left for university in Rose a couple of years ago and I really looked up to him because of it. He said that he wanted to expand his horizon and see what kind of person he was outside of our home town. That kind of gave me my own incentive to do the same. My brother told me leaving home would really help open my eyes."

Eren nodded, impressed. Mikasa's older brother certainly knew what he was talking about. Motivating his little sister like that. "You come from a big or small family?" He scooped up some rice and ate it.

The girl shook her head, "No. It's me, my two brother, mom and dad. How about you?" She then took a bite out of her green apple.

"I come from a small family. Just me, mom and dad."

"Did you grow up around here or did you move?"

"I grew up here. Mom and dad said they wanted to find the perfect place to raise a child and eventually settled on Shinganshina."

His dad constantly says that it was his mother that was more concerned about it, but his mother and uncle Hannes say otherwise.

They continued to talk for some more time until it was time for them to leave.

Eren walked Mikasa to her next class because it was on the way to his own.

Later in the day when classes were over, Eren found himself in his bedroom, idly messaging Jean, telling him, 'No, I'm not going to convince Armin to let you cheat off his test, you're one your own.'

It was met with a crying gif.

The brunet shook his head at his boyfriend's antics.

He was caught off guard when the blonde called him. "Hello?"

"Hey Erebear."

"Hey, Jean. Needed something?"

"I guess you could say that. I needed to hear your voice. Haven't heard it in five days."

The brunet felt his cheeks heat up, "Idiot. Don't say that. You know you can call me anytime."

Jean snickered over the phone, "I know. I just like knowing I can make you blush is all, love."

Eren made a slight noise indicating his embarrassment.

"Hey, you busy this weekend?" He heard the other shift. Jean was probably laying down on his bed.

"Not really. Why?" Eren looked up at his ceiling.

"You wanna come over? I got us a new game, maybe watch a few movies, order something and spend some time together. I know classes have been kicking both our asses."

"You mean just yours?"

"Our asses. And I thought what better way to wind down than play some games, watch some possibly shitty movies, and spend time with the guy I'm head over heels over."

The brunet couldn't help the smile that made it onto his face. "Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that a lot."

Jean let out a small cheer over the phone, "Awesome. I'm looking forward to it, baby."

"Me too, Jean-bo. Me too."

Sometime later, since Eren found himself not able to sleep, he decided he might as well work on some writing.

Because he didn't have classes until the afternoon, he could afford some hours typing away.

The brunet was so focused on his writing, he didn't snap out of it until he got an indication something arrived in his email.

Raising a brow, Eren saved his document and then proceeded to open up his email.

Strangely enough there wasn't a return address.

He felt his eyes widen at the message.

Eren Jeager, or should I perhaps say Eren Yeager?

Like it really matters, you know both names are yours anyway.

How many years has it been now that I've last seen you? Two thousand maybe? Who really even keeps count anymore?

It's so foreign seeing you live a normal life and not being met with complete disgust. Who knew the titan shifter would get the normal life he wanted? And here I thought I would get the pleasure of killing you again in this life!

It's a real shame the corporal isn't with you. I would do anything in this world to see that broken look in his eyes at seeing you murdered at my hands again.

Whose hands you might be asking? Come now, cadet Yeager. You should know by now. You've had two thousand years to figure it out!

Ah, that's right. You don't remember in this time line. You're just as useless now as you were back then.

Humanity's last hope? Please, don't make me laugh.

Cadet Yeager, you better hurry and find your captain. Someone might just snatch him up. And that someone, is closer to him than you think.

The brunet couldn't move from his seat, simply staring at his screen, waiting for this all to be a dream. This one time, he really wishes that it was a dream.

Shakily getting up from his chair, he made his way to his bed, checking to see if his bedroom door was locked, before he curled up tightly into a ball.

Who was that message from?

Why did they send that to him and make him more confused than he already is?

And whose so close to the captain that they'll take him away?

The brunet felt his teeth dig into his bottom lip, his green eyes shut, and body simply curling up more.

Why did everything have to be so confusing?

"Ah, I'm sorry, Eren. The captain is busy again today." Petra looked so apologetic, Eren tried harder for her sake to hide his disappointment.

"It's alright. I know he has a lot to do. Don't worry about it." The brunet bid Petra farewell and went about his own way.

He knows it's childish of him to feel frustrated when the captain can't spend time with him. The man is an important figure in the Survey Corps after all.

But when said man is his lover and looks disgusted after simply grabbing his hand and not talking to him for a week. It hurts.

Forcing a smile on his face to keep his friends and sister at bay only makes things worse.

Eren knows he can't trouble them with something going on in his relationship. It's only a rough patch they seem to be going through. Everything will be solved out soon once they talk. It always gets better when they talk it out.

"We'll be okay." He murmured to himself. "We just need to talk."

As he walked along the empty hallway, his words echoed back to him, as a way to comfort him from the pain he was currently feeling.

The captain could be cruel sometimes.

"Yeager? What are doing coming into my office this late at night?"

Eren silently swallowed, "I-I needed to talk to you about something important captain." Normally, in such a setting, he would refer to the other by his name; but in this moment, he didn't feel like it was okay. That alone made him sick to his stomach.

"You better make it quick Yeager. I have paperwork to fill out so the commander won't come and get on my ass about incomplete work." Grey eyes didn't look up from the papers on his desk, nor did his hand stop writing.

"I-It's about our relationship-" He stopped when the other scoffed.

"What relationship? I give you attention and you think we have something?"

Green eyes began to blur.

"I gave you that special treatment so those anger issues of yours would calm the fuck down." He set down his pen and pinned the other down with his gaze. "You're nothing special set aside from your powers, Yeager. How can someone love you fully well knowing that you're a monster."

"You're no monster, Eren. You're human."

His words back then made bile rise up in the brunet's throat.

"Did you really think that I could love you? I spoke those words to make you feel better about yourself. The commander informed me that you could lash out if you kept on being depressed and angry. Naturally, this was the only way to tame it. Besides, your admiration for me was no secret to anyone."

"So...you used it to your advantage?" His voice came out so small and fragile. He hardly recognized his own voice.

"Whatever it took to tame the monster."

Eren wasn't the monster. Levi was.

To use his honest emotions against him and make him think he was loved was what really disgusted him.

All those nights where the brunet fell asleep in the others arms were fake. He almost flinched of the thought of him being peacefully asleep, and the other filled with disgust, clear on his face had he been awake to see it.

Those declarations of love, which had been spoken with a fond tone, was more than likely practiced.

The night where the captain kissed him. Perhaps he was thinking of someone else.

Everyone was right after all. Who could ever bring themselves to love a monster?

"I'm sorry for bothering you so late, captain. If you'll excuse me."

He turned and left the room.

The gentle shut of the door contrasted heavily with his emotions.

"Eren? You okay?" Petra had noticed that Eren had been seated out under a tree since morning, barely touching his breakfast.

It was one of the rare days where the special operations squad had a day off, didn't have to clean and go about anything they wanted to do for the day.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just a little bored since we don't have anything planned for the day." He was silently hoping that the female member would catch the hint that he wanted to be alone.

Unfortunately, she sat down beside him. He couldn't really hold it against her. Being the only female in their squad, she often said that she could notice if anyone was off a lot easier.

"You look sad. What's wrong?" Her warm honey eyes settled on his stiff form.

It was silent for some moments.

"Was it because of the captain?" The blonde must have been right because the youngest member flinched at the mention of him.

Petra was one of the few people, along with the rest of the squad, who knew about their relationship and supported it. They said they did because Eren made the captain less cranky and happy.

"He was lying to me this entire time."

"Eren?"

"The captain was only with me because someone needed to tame the monster. And who better than the person who will eventually have to kill me? Every time he said he loved me, I'm sure he was thinking of someone else."

He let out a humorless laugh, the sound making the woman beside him flinch at how empty it was, "While I was falling more in love with him, he was just coming to hate me more and the person who gave him the order. Captain never gave a shit about me. He knows our roles well. I fight for humanity and take down those monsters, and him ending my life should I get out of control."

"But Eren-" The woman lifted her hand and tried to place it gently on his shoulder, only to back away at the look in his eyes.

"No, Petra. The captain doesn't love me. And he never will; because who can love a monster?"

"Eren!"

The brunet looked at his squad member in surprise. Her golden eyes looked determined.

"I know that the captain loves you! He could never fake that look in his eyes whenever he talked about, looked at you, or even thought about you. You could never say that you don't love someone and not look like that at the mere mention of them! I don't know the captain's motives, but." She looked down at her lap, taking a couple of moments to collect her thoughts.

"Captain could never say he doesn't love you and not be hurting on the inside." Her gaze met up with his again, "I know it, Eren. I can feel it. We all do. The captain would never lead you on like this and say it was all a lie and an order."

The brunet desperately wanted to believe her.

He wanted to believe this was all some lie his former lover was forced to tell. That the other was lying in order to protect him from harm. Fucking hell, he could live with that answer.

Just not the one where he was never loved.

Eren got up and excused himself, brushing passed his squad members, who held Petra back, telling her the young man needed some time.

No amount of time could tame the pain he felt. Not a chance in hell.

The brunet examined his surroundings and noticed they were outside the walls.

Everything was quiet for once.

Sounds that he had become used to were completely gone.

'Ah, that's right. We won. The titans are gone.'

Eren had shifted for the last time to take out the remaining titans, giving his comrades and commanding officers a fighting chance.

He had eventually shifted back and told his squad members and captain to head on, he would be right behind them in a few moments. They still had a fight to win after all.

Just when he had been ready to go back into the fight, a figure came out of nowhere and left a gash on the back of his neck, forcing him onto his knees, and to pass out from shock from a second blow to his mid-section.

He had no idea how much time had passed since he lost consciousness.

"You're awake now. Good." A hooded figure came into his line of vision. They looked to be a man, but he couldn't be certain with his vision so foggy.

The black cloak they wore did a very good job at concealing who they were.

"It looks like I have a couple minutes before your squad gets here. Just enough time to talk to you before you die, Yeager."

Eren desperately wanted strength to come back into his body so he could fight off this stranger. But, they did a good job at making sure he was down.

The figure turned towards the sounds of the battle finally ending, "It looks like humanity will finally win." They let out a low whistle, "Never thought I would see the day. You know, I once fought for this. I thought it was a load of bullshit. But, when your lover willingly serves them, you just follow to make sure they don't die."

Why were they telling him this? What did Eren have to gain from knowing all this information?

"You turned out to be a lot more useful than we thought. Humanity really almost gave up on you, but I'm sure you know that by now. What with the lack of funds and people to see you off for every new mission, it's no secret to you, is it?"

The figure let out a small chuckle, sending shivering to Eren's slowly numbing body, "It's a real shame the people won't see their hero return like everyone else to tell them the good news. You wanted to travel outside these walls? I think I overheard someone tell me that."

They slightly looked back at him, face still concealed, "You wanted to experience everything this world had to offer, right? Shame. I suppose some of humanity will thank me later for really killing off the last titan. Even you should know your chances at living were minimal."

The person fully turned towards him, "I suppose I should thank you, Yeager. You killed the titans, but I killed the real threat."

Sounds of the 3D maneuver gear could be heard and it seemed like they were quickly closing in.

"Well, it looks like it's time for me to go. I'm glad I got to see you at least once and not wonder what he saw in you."

The figure nearly escaped until he managed to croak out, "W-Who are y-you?"

They laughed and removed their hood, a man looked back at him. Blonde hair, pale complexion, and icy blue eyes. "Farlan. Farlan Church. Pleasure to have been your murderer, Eren Yeager."

Eren's eyes snapped open as he quickly sat up in his bed.

He didn't realize his throat was sore, that his chest was heaving, and that his body was shaking.

All the brunet did was check his mid-section and nape of his neck for injury.

Nothing.

He nearly breathed out a sigh of relief until he remembered he email.

Quickly moving to his laptop, he brought up his email and nearly blacked out again.

There was nothing there.

The email was gone.

End of chapter 10.

Now, I'm really back and it feels amazing.