A/N Carter and Reese finally have a conversation. Will it be what he expected? I do not own Person of Interest or any of its characters.

Another sleepless night.

She'd been having them for the past three weeks and they continued after she'd gone back to work.

The counselor they made her see at work said that it was normal for her to experience insomnia after her shooting. Victims often reported either bouts of sleeplessness or very graphic nightmares, but they eventually went away. Carter couldn't decide which could be worse. The thoughts she had while she was awake at night were pretty frightening on their own. She saw herself in the alley on her back over and over again, bleeding out, gasping for air, thinking she was dead. She wished she could escape them. She thought about taking something to put her to sleep, but decided against it. She was always wary of sleep aids. She didn't want to end up being dependant on them. She figured if she could just get her mind to be still, to stop thinking, she'd drift off right away.

But saying that and doing that were two different things altogether.

Today, Fusco had told her that the suspect in her shooting was found dead in his apartment with two bullets to the back of his head. There were no leads on who did it and no witnesses. The building where he lived had no security cameras either, so unless the guilty party came forward to confess to the murder, this one was most likely going to be an unsolved case. She wasn't completely convinced his death was random. In fact she had a nagging feeling that a certain person might have been involved in it, though she didn't want to entertain the idea at all.

She sat up in bed, throwing the covers off of her and got up, heading to the kitchen. She opened the refrigerator, staring inside for a few minutes, then closed it again. There were leftovers from dinner earlier but food was definitely not what she wanted. She leaned on the kitchen counter, looking around aimlessly at the wall, the ceiling; the magnets stuck to the fridge and let out a frustrated sigh.

Finally her eyes settled on a bottle of red wine. She got a glass from the cupboard and watched the dark liquid swirl around it as she poured. She went into the living room and sat on the couch. She turned the TV on and flicked through the channels. Countless infomercials were playing, mostly weight loss stuff, exercise machines and some new magic bra that was invented. She got a chuckle outta that one. She found a movie that was coming on that she'd wanted to watch for a while. She curled her feet underneath her and waited while the opening credits scrolled across the screen.

The shrill of her cell phone interrupted her and she looked at the clock on the wall noticing the time. It was a little after 1am and the caller ID said it was an unknown number. She shook her head knowing it could only be one of two persons calling her.

"Carter." She said softly. She waited a few seconds and there was no response. She could hear traffic in the background, the sound of steady breathing, but otherwise….nothing.

"Hello?" She said.

"Have you ever had croquillant before?" She recognized Reese's voice. He answered almost as if her voice jarred him out of a daze. She wasn't prepared to talk to him right now. She didn't know if she could.

"What?" She asked confused.

"Croquillant." He repeated. "It's a pastry. Finch loves 'em. But they're just a fancy way of saying doughnut holes." He laughed at his explanation and she noticed his speech was somewhat slow.

"John, are you drunk?"

"He likes to have them with his tea in the mornings, sometimes." He ignored her question. Or maybe he hadn't heard it. "And not just any tea. It has to be Sencha green tea."

He was drunk, she thought. Knowing he had to be drunk to finally call her after all the time that had passed caused her to get a little misty eyed.

"What do you want, John?"

He was silent again as if he wasn't sure of the answer right now. "I just want to talk to you. Please. I miss…"

She didn't want him to say it. She'd been doing her best to get past it, and now he wanted to reopen a wound that was on its way to being healed as best as it could be.

"John….I don't think there's anything left to say."

"There's so much left to say, Joss. There's something you need to know." Carter wasn't sure but his words seemed desperate. She didn't quite know what to make of it.

"Like what?" She asked quietly.

"You're not just an asset. Not to me. You hear me, Joss?" his voice broke on the last sentence when he called her name. "You're not just an asset. You're so much more than that."

There was so much conviction in his voice just then, she thought he sounded so sincere, but what else was she supposed to think when he literally ran away from her when it seemed like they were getting closer?

"How can I believe you?" She said shakily. "You left me when I needed you the most, when things were the hardest. You left and you didn't look back."

She felt her eyes well up with tears, but she willed herself not to cry with him on the phone. They were both silent for a while and she stared at the wine glass on the coffee table, the TV remote, everything seemed surreal in this moment.

"I was a coward, Joss. I kissed you….and….suddenly…it was… real and….everything I care about, I lose. I didn't know how much it would hurt…."

"How could you not know that it would hurt me?"

"No I…I didn't know how much it would hurt me."

He was scared. He was scared to get close. It hit her, hard, just then. He was probably thinking about how things ended with Jessica all over again. And he got scared.

But what would happen next? That was the big question. Could they go back to being just friends? She wasn't sure that was possible right now.

"I understand, John. Really I do, now.."

"I need to see you."

"I'm already dressed for bed."

"You don't have to go anywhere, just open your door. I'm outside."

He was outside her door? She walked over to the door and looked through the peephole. Lo and behold, there he was leaning against her door post. Despite what he'd said tonight, she still had mixed feelings about letting him in.

"Joss, please."

She unlocked the deadbolt and swung the door open wide. He stood tall in the doorway, towering over her. In the dim light he looked exhausted and worn out, yet he managed a smile.

"Hi." He said.

"Hi." She replied.