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Chapter 10

(Leonardo's Journal)

I know that it has been too long, and I know that saying I was busy is no excuse, but I was, and I am. All the same, Donatello is asleep for the night, and I feel that I must the last several months down on paper. Hopefully before the past consumes me.

We thought that we had taken the Shredder down, but we had not. It was only a matter of time before he resurfaced. After the battle with the Shredder almost a year ago now, Master Splinter disappeared and we went to search for him. It was during that time that Donatello really became more my son than Master Splinter's. It is still a little weird to think of him as 'son'. While Master Splinter was gone, Donnie seemed to know that something was wrong, but I do not believe he really understood what it was.

The leads we found took us to the TCRI building. We had to get Splinter back, there was simply no other option. It became apparent early on that we would need both April and Casey in this effort. Michelangelo was the one to suggest that we bring Angel in to babysit. She stayed in the lair with Donatello while the rest of us infiltrated TCRI. That job took a lot longer than we had expected, especially from our point of view. Every single night of the full three weeks that we spent pursued by the Federation and the Triceratons found me a nervous wreck. I honestly believed that I had failed everyone: Master Splinter, my brothers, my friends and especially my son. Imagine my surprise and elation when Splinter revealed that we had only been gone for eight hours here on Earth.

Unfortunately for us, Shredder reared his ugly head again before we were able to leave the building. Raphael powered up the transmat to send the last of the Utroms home and did the best he could to get us out as well. Our first trip took us momentarily to the Utrom homeworld. When they returned us to Earth a second time, we landed on a rooftop three blocks away from April, Casey and the Battle Shell.

Bishop became a new enemy shortly after that, and our fight with the Shredder stepped back, partially because we thought him dead... again. We continued to battle the Foot and put a stop to several of the Shredder's little projects, but we did not go after him again for several months.

During this time, I became serious about Donnie's ninjitsu training. At first, I had asked Master Splinter to train him as he had the rest of us, but he was unwilling. He had been more than capable when my brothers and I were growing up, and he has done well with us, but he could feel himself slowing down. Instead, he entrusted Donnie's training to me. He assisted me at first, but I soon started using my own lesson plans. Michelangelo and Raphael helped out as well. Life was really good for the most part. Still, perhaps Splinter's decision not to train Donnie was for the best after all.

Donatello went to Master Splinter mostly to hear stories. He heard stories of Master Yoshi and Splinter's life before we were mutated, stories of Raphael, Michelangelo and I, stories of battles, fights, friends and family, but he has never heard his own story. No one is sure how to tell him that one. Not even Master Splinter knew how to tell that tale. It is a shame that Donatello will not be able to remember him. Unlike my brother, Master Splinter has not returned to our realm since... since. Or if he did, we were not allowed to see him.

It is still so recent that I sometimes find it hard to believe. Mikey and Raph are dazed most of the time. I do not think Donatello has figured out what is wrong yet, but he knows that something is. I think he might be close to figuring it out though. He has asked of Splinter's whereabouts on a couple of occasions, and I have tried to explain as best I can. As much as I love the child I have taken as a son, right now I wish I had my brother back. I guess I just think that he would know how to respond to this situation.

Yes, the Shredder is gone for good this time; the Utroms banished him to an ice asteroid. The only thing is, I cannot help but think the price we paid was too high. Master Splinter could take care of himself, all he needed was assistance that I could not render. But Donatello... he can't take care of himself yet. If I was not good enough to protect Master Splinter, how can I protect Donatello? I may not have been good enough to protect my father, but I will be good enough to protect my son. Time is wasting, I need to get back to the dojo.

(Michelangelo's Journal)

Well, I messed it up again. Messing up seems to be all I ever do lately. This afternoon I took out my frustrations on the last person who deserved it. I got my shell waxed in training this morning by both Raph and Leo, then after lunch I tripped on one of Donnie's toys. That was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back, I guess. Anyway, I went tearing off after the poor kid. It wasn't until Raph came in and took my head off for it that I realized how scared Donnie was. Poor kid had no idea what he'd done. In fact, he hadn't actually done anything so who can blame him for being confused? As it turned out, Leo had left the little stuffie in front of the couch. In fact, it had been there for weeks. The thing practically lived there, and I tore into Donnie after stepping on it. Good job, Mikey, that was real smooth.

I didn't used to be like this. What's with me? Maybe this is just the way things get after you kill your father. That shock was meant for me. It should have been me. I was the one dumb enough to give Shredder a live wire. The not getting out of the way thing was the real clincher. I just sat there and watched like the idiot that I am. Master Splinter jumped in and he got electrocuted instead. By the time the utroms came and got us out of that mess, it was too late for him.

All I've done since is mess up. I'm not quite sure why Leo and Raph put up with me. Somehow, I think that if I were them, I'd have thrown me out a long time ago. Especially after that stunt with Donnie this afternoon. Shell, I'm stupid. Stupid, childish Michelangelo who can't take care of himself and gets mad at defenseless kids who don't deserve it and didn't do anything wrong.

What happened to goofy, fun-loving Michelangelo who loved practical jokes, cooking, and annoying Raphael? I can't find him anymore. I can't say that I like this new me, I want the old me back. I hope I can find the old me again soon. Unfortunately, I just don't think that's going to happen. Maybe what I should say is that I hope to find a new me soon. A me that l can like. A me that doesn't mess up everything he touches.

(Raphael's Journal)

I am really beginning to worry about Leo and Mikey. I mean, they both seem to think that there was something they could have done to prevent Splinter's death. Yes, I think it sucks that he's gone, but I honestly don't think there was anything they could have done to change anything. It happened. It sucks, but Splinter doesn't seem to be coming back like Don did so we have to move on.

Michelangelo feels guilty. He pretends not to, but I can see it. I know my brothers better than they think I do. They can't hide this stuff from me. And even if they could hide it from me, they suck at it. Even Donnie – geez, that kid is getting big – has noticed that they're upset. I'm not sure he knows what's wrong, but he's not stupid, never was, he knows that something is up. Maybe he knows better than anyone. He was dead for fourteen years after all. Maybe that gives him some sort of insight, even if he can't remember it. I dunno, maybe that's just wishful thinking.

Leo has started training harder and harder every day. I did mention that I'm worried about him? He's even started to neglect Donnie's training in his effort to do whatever the shell it is he thinks he's doing. He's angry all the time and he ain't doing no one no favors. I have tried to pick up the slack as far as the kid goes, and Mikey sometimes helps, but we're not Leo. Sure, with what he's learning now, any of us can teach Donnie, but Leo is his dad and sensei. He just doesn't perform as well for Mikey or me as he does for Leo. In the dojo, Donnie is a reluctant student on the best of days, and let me tell you, I have seen the worst of that kid lately. Even out of the dojo. He's cranky most of the time and hasn't been behaving himself. Leo has been ignoring him, and he's not taking that very well. Not that I can blame him.

Everyone is upset, and I've seen both Mikey and Leo take their problems out on Donnie when he didn't do anything more than walk into the room. I haven't noticed, but I can't help but wonder if I have done the same thing to him. I hope not. He's a good kid, even if he hasn't really shown it much lately. With all the crap that's been dropped on him by Mikey and Leo, I'd be cranky too.

I can hear Leo in the dojo again. He never quits! I think he's been going out at night too. Casey mentioned busting Purple Dragon skulls with him a few days ago. It just ain't like Leo to run off into a fight like that without Mikey or me. And his time topside really decreased after he and Donnie kind of claimed each other as father and son. This new behavior is just bizarre. I don't know what to do, it's like no one can reach him anymore. He's acting like me, and I gotta say, it's ticking me off.

Though, maybe... just maybe we have a friend who can help.