A/N. Hello All! It is I, the author that doesn't upload a lot. I hope you enjoy.

The silence that hung around them wasn't the comfortable type anymore. After Eliza dropped the bombshell of her dead brother on her girlfriend, she had refused to talk about it. When Arizona would try and talk about the subject, the brunette would just seize the blonde's lips in a hungry kiss and drag her off to bed for at least a couple of hours. It had been like this for a month now.

It wasn't like their relationship became strained, it was the opposite actually. They talked more about their childhoods, about their college time, about everything except for the people they lost. Just like Eliza didn't want to talk about her brother, Arizona wasn't willing to talk about her parents' deaths and the guilt she carried with her for their passing.

|AR&EM|

They were lying in bed, at Arizona's apartment. The blonde was drawing little figures on Eliza's stomach, her hand under her girlfriend's shirt. They wore pyjamas, both too tired to engage in physically strenuous activities. The blonde's heart felt heavy, weighed down by the story she wanted to share with the brunette. It had been enough, she couldn't ignore such a large part of her past anymore.

"It was a snowy day, the roads were frozen over." She began. She felt Eliza stiffen under her, knowing where this was going. "Tim and I were with our grandparents. It was the first time with them, they had a falling out with our parents, hadn't had contact in years. We were having a sleepover at their house." Her hand kept drawing little hearts over the brunette's abdominal muscles and belly button. "I was scared, our parents left us with people who were strangers to us. I cried and I cried, begging anyone listening to call our parents. Tim tried to comfort me, but it didn't work. So, our grandparents called mom and dad. But it was icy." She swallowed a lump in her throat. "Three hours later, our grandparents were worried about our parents, I had finally stopped crying. The hospital called. They said they were sorry, that they had done everything they could. My father had died on impact, my mother a few hours after him on an operating table." Her eyes were watering now. "I felt so incredibly guilty for so many years. I mean, it was my fault that they were on the road in the first place. If it wasn't for me, they would still be alive right now, Tim never blamed me though." She felt arms tighten around her, trying to provide her with comfort. "But I went to counselling, I became at peace with what happened, and I became a doctor to prevent the same thing from happening to other people, to prevent them from losing their loved ones." She took one last deep breath. "Eliza, you're not alone. You just need to let me in, please, I don't want you to go through this alone, not when you have me."

she felt the body under her move away, and her heart broke at the thought that Eliza would shut her out again. She saw that beautiful muscular body stand up from the bed and move towards the bathroom. Once she was at the doorway, Eliza halted her movement. "I will talk to you about it Arizona, I'm just not ready right now."

The blonde felt tears running down her cheeks.

|AR&EM|

Red. It was all she could see, all she could feel, all she could hear. Her ears were ringing from the explosion that had busted her eardrums. She wasn't aware of the tears running from her eyes, or the fact that she let out agonising sobs. Her back throbbed from the shrapnel that was imbedded within it. Her hands were red, but she didn't know whose blood it was. Maybe hers? Her brother's? maybe from one of the other guys of the squad, all of them were dead. She was rocking softly with a body held firmly in her arms. She had tried to stop the bleeding, but it was all for naught. He was dead. She pulled back, looking into his lifeless eyes that had been filled with mirth just a moment before. She brought her shaking hands up to his eyes, closing them. Another heart-breaking scream left her mouth. She was alone now.

She was told that she had sat with her brother's corpse in her arms for nearly six hours. That was how long it took them to find her and bring her back to the nearest base with medical facilities. She had been numb while they stitched her up, while they all told her how sorry they were for her loss. She only snapped out of her daze long enough for her to listen to her commanding officer telling her that they were sending her home, an honourable discharge. Her back would take some time to heal, but the psychological damage would never leave her.

|AR&EM|

She snapped out of her daze when the shower stopped. She looked panicked for a second until she saw familiar blonde tresses and beautiful blue eyes. She let out a shaky breath and accepted the fluffy bathrobe that the blonde held out. Her girlfriend respectfully averted her gaze then, knowing that Eliza was in a very vulnerable and fragile state, the time to let her eyes roam her incredible body would come later. When they went to the kitchen, she saw that Arizona had made her a hearty breakfast, she would have to thank the blonde later for her thoughtfulness. Arizona didn't push the subject, but Eliza could see that her eyes were red from crying. She felt like the world's biggest asshole then.

"We enlisted together. I had just finished my intern year, wide-eyed and curious about the world since I never really lived, I just worked my butt off for my education. I wanted to serve my country, and because he was the best brother ever, he wouldn't let me go alone. I went to college, because he sacrificed himself for me. When I got kicked out, he took me in, he dropped out of college and got a job. When my aunt found out a few months after, she took us both in. But Dennis had taken to his protector roll, he never went back to college. He had already done a few tours with the military, he was thinking about retiring. But I convinced him to go with me. He paid with his life." The food was untouched on the counter, her appetite had disappeared. "We were with a couple of other guys, they were also army medics, Dennis was our bodyguard, so to speak. We were being transferred to a base that was further into the warzone, but we hit a bomb. All of the other guys died on impact, but Dennis and I were alive, though I shredded my back. His injuries were brutal though. I tried to stop the bleeding, I really did, it didn't work. He died in my arms, all because I decided I wanted to be fighting a war I had no business of fighting." She looked up then, her eyes were pained and full of tears. "I tried to save him, I really did Zona." The tears began falling then.

A pair of arms enveloped her.

A/N. I need to complain for a quick minute. I fucking swear, if Arizona and Eliza break up and Eliza leaves the show, I'm going to rage quit. I don't get why AZ's life has to be so difficult, I really don't. I just want to see cute fluffiness involving Arizona, THAT'S ALL I'M FREAKING ASKING FOR! Onto other things, I totally called the Maggie and Jackson thing. Really, I have it in my little book full of FanFic ideas. I'm oddly pleased with the pairing (even though I also ship Japril). ANYWAY, I hope you enjoyed. If you have any questions, leave them in a review (except for the chronological order of things, I'm totally lost on there). Bye!