Lifty's POV
I…couldn't believe I said it. Those words just rushed out of my tongue uncontrollably. I would wish there was a chance for clarification. And yet, he stood up so fast. Before I realized I had blundered so badly, he had already tossed a heartless answer at me. It was so straightforward, so honest, so awfully tear-jerking… When he said 'Okay', without even staring straight into my eyes, I could feel my heart tremble. My world…My inner world just crumbled down. It was falling apart... I had thought he would object to my idea, but he didn't. I had thought he would give me a candid explanation, a subtle confession to address what those two bitches had said. I had thought he would ask about the 'gay' issue and told me to shrug it off. And most of all, I had thought…he would insist on me staying with him.
Perhaps…I'm indeed another pain in his neck. Perhaps…he's never wanted to take me in. It's just him trying to be kind. He's always kind to everyone even though they secretly gossip about him behind his back. Maybe everything he's done is simply out of sympathy…He's just pitying me the same way I'm pitying him. He saved me just because he couldn't conquer his conscience and that particular sense of guilt. In more or less the same way, I decided to befriend him because he made me feel so guilty.
Oh God…what's happening to me? Why wouldn't my tears just stop flowing out of my fucking eyes! Damn it…Screw you, Splendid.
We sat in silence. The television was on but neither of us was watching it. None of us spoke. It was as though an invisible barrier had formed between us, separating our entities and souls. There was nothing much I could do now. Since he agreed that I should move out, I guessed I couldn't press on. It would be ridiculous if I just altered my mind. I would look stupid.
No, I can't debase myself like this. I can't let my pride go down. And neither can he.
I had packed everything. Precisely two days after I proposed to move out, he helped me find an apartment across the street. The flat was small but comfy, even quite near to his house. The rent was reasonable. I could totally afford it. He even went as far as to bargain for a cheaper price. I wondered why he had to do so many things for me. I thought…the moment he approved of my leaving, he had implicitly suggested drawing a line between us. I remembered when I first accepted his offer, I told him I wouldn't expect any more things from him and would most certainly not befriend him. He had nodded at me saying he felt the same way. It's like we had both broken our initial vow. We had both betrayed ourselves... We had become friends and now…all at once, we turned into strangers again.
Why…I wonder why…We can still be friends after I move out, right?
However, things would never be the same. We wouldn't be seeing each other every day as often as we had done. And he wouldn't be the one to cook me breakfast, prepare my lunch box, serve me dinner…No one would fill the bath tub with warm water just a few minutes before I took a shower. No one would hand me towels and clothes when I accidentally forgot to bring them with me into the bathroom. No one would be there to tell me there was a midnight snack inside the fridge and would still remain calm even after I swallowed his favorite dessert. No one, absolutely no one would be scolding me because I screwed his bread and broke his oven. And certainly no one would be there to smile, laugh and curse at me, take selfies and go shopping with me, ask me to take him into my arms when he cried…
Why…Why wouldn't you say something?! Bastard! You've messed up my feelings and now with just one word 'okay', you're pretending nothing has ever happened between us! WHY?! Don't you at least feel something? After all, I'm the one who has slept with you twice! Damn it!
But then…I realized…it was my fault. I regretted what I did…I shouldn't have said I wanted to move out…I was just trying to test his reaction but it seemed that my trick had gone too far. Too far from my capability. Too far from his tolerance. He might be able to act brave but I…I couldn't. It's only rational that he was getting fed up with my pranks…I had, like many other people, broken his heart continually and humiliated him. He had every good reason to snub me, to detest me, to treat me like a piece of scum. Still…I couldn't explain this agony whirling in my heart. And these butterflies that were swirling in my stomach gave me nausea.
My heart is as fragile as yours, you know. Why can't you just comfort me back this time? It's always been me reassuring you. Don't you feel ashamed, hero? Huh?
"Well, I'll walk you there." Splendid stood up and grabbed suitcase, the one he had bought me to keep all my belongings in. And needless to say, everything in my luggage didn't belong to me in the first place. He bought them. He bought them all for me…
"Don't bother with it." I said.
If you're acting this apathetic, I might as well join you. Friends do the same thing after all, right?
"But…"
"I'll walk there by myself." I said, seizing the handle of my suitcase.
"Okay…if you insist."
Damn…is that all you have to say? Is this really 'okay' with you? Shitty hero, I'm leaving! I'M LEAVING! And I'm not coming back! Certainly not! Is that what bothers you? People thinking of us as being gay? Is this why you don't want to stop me from moving out? Because it's always what you've wanted. To see me leave your house one day and never return. Yea, sure, now no one is ever going to eat up all your meat stock. No one is going to chat with you at night. No one is idiotic enough to have pillow fights with you. And absolutely no one is going to watch some crappy horror movies with you despite being scared of nightmares. Shoot you.
I marched towards the door and swung open the door.
"Good bye, Spencer." I muttered under my breath and stomped out.
He didn't stop me. He didn't even say 'Goodbye'. He didn't…
Oh why? Why won't you come and hold my hands? Why won't you say something? Something like… 'shouldn't friends leave each other alone?!'
I was hurt. I cried. Tears kept trickling. Down onto my collar. Onto my tie. Onto my shoes…Onto everything that reminded me of him. These clothes…I wanted so much to rip them off because he was the one who paid for them. I didn't want to wear something he bought me. Not after he had hurt me like this. For a swift moment, I wanted to smack his face just like how I had done to Shifty.
Why wouldn't people stop betraying me? Why am I always the one being abandoned? Why am I always the one at fault? Why am I the one to be bossed around and abused? The one whose feelings are never taken into serious account. The one whose happiness is constantly drifting away from him. The one who falls in love with a guy!
I couldn't understand it. God, I couldn't. I just couldn't apply any common sense, any logic, any notion to this feeling I had. It was…nerve-racking…It was making me weak. Making me weaker than ever.
I love you, Splendid.
But I couldn't say it.
Because the thing I fear most is that this love is unrequited. And that my feeling can never reach him…
Splendid's POV
I watched Lifty disappear from my porch and amble down the road. I knew he was crying but he didn't turn back. He didn't even tell me why he had those tears in his eyes. I was waiting all this time, just for him to confess to me. When he proposed to move out, he had no idea how those words stabbed my heart. They attacked my feelings and disrupted my senses. I couldn't believe he was that conscious of what Giggles and Lammy said. So, he felt irritated of being called 'gay', eh? He couldn't get over people's prejudice and decided to leave me for good… How selfish…
Does he think that I don't mind what people say about us? I do! But I couldn't care less!
It's because I cared about his feelings more than mine. I just wanted him to be happy. If he felt annoyed being discriminated because of living with me, then, I would let him go. I wouldn't restrain him just to satisfy my own desires. I wouldn't blame him. It's only rational for him to move out. After all, as far as I knew, he might be straight.
He doesn't like guys, I suppose…He merely treats me as his friend. It's just me fantasizing impossible things. I've never thought I would fall for him, not after we've done it twice. What made me feel is the way he's genuinely taken my feelings into account. Besides Flaky, he's the only person who has ever wanted to befriend me not for the purpose of blandishing me. He doesn't admire my powers like others do. He asks for a friend because he really needs one. And he has asked me in particular.
I glanced outside with my hollow eyes, my heartbeat slowing down almost to a cease. I felt like crying and dying at the same time. This anguish he had caused me was beyond my limits to counteract.
You're a bastard, Lifty. You've messed up my feelings and now you're fleeing like a coward. Why can't you confront me? Why can't you tell me you were just kidding when you said you wanted to move out? TELL ME IT'S JUST ONE OF YOUR OLD DAMN JOKES! Please…
I didn't close the door, in the stupid hope that he might come rushing back to me. I trudged upstairs and entered the guest room.
No…it isn't a guest room anymore. He's been living in this room long enough to claim it to his own. I can never think of this room as a guest room after it's been filled entirely with his essence. This scent of his is still lingering about, engulfing me, drowning me. It is corrupting me. Defiling me. Hurting me like hell.
I lumbered towards the bedside. There it was, a picture of us. I remembered heading back to the office after last weekend and that the first thing I did was to develop the pictures I had taken of him. He had packed his own photos into his luggage and left this one on the table. Screw him. It was…a picture of us.
So…he doesn't care about us? He feels comfortable with leaving this one behind? Is this what he wants? Taunting me. Teasing me as if our friendship has never meant anything to him?
I picked up the photo, my fingers tracing around the figures in the image.
Why would he smile if he didn't like being around with me? Why would he let me take a selfie with him? Why would he wrap his arm around my shoulder? It just…doesn't sound right.
I was…about the leave the room when the picture slipped from my hands. It landed on the floor on its back. That is…when I saw those scribbled writings.
My heart froze. I froze. Completely petrified, I retrieved the photo and scanned through the handwriting. Over and over again. It said nothing more than a simple sentence. A sentence which I had been too vain to blurt out…
I love you.
Without a second thought, I spun around and stormed out of the house.
How foolish I am… All this time, I haven't even noticed his feelings. All this time, I have thought it's only me harboring an one-sided affection towards him. All this time, I am being such a wimp just because I'm scared that this is yet another experience of unrequited love.
He isn't the coward.
I am.
I was too frightened to face him. I could have demanded more from him, asking him to stay. And yet…I told him it was okay for him to leave.
I must have hurt his feelings. Oh God, I've yet broken an innocent heart! How tactless I am. I'm so angry at myself. So angry that I want to punch myself.
I ran and ran. I had no idea how far Lifty had gone. I must catch up with him though. I must…
There he was. Standing outside the grocery store. He was taking a path that was in a completely opposite direction of his new apartment. I wondered where he was going. Nonetheless, I had no time to think. I was about to jog towards him when it happened. Handy was working on some construction halfway up the roof. A metal pipe carelessly escaped his grip. I knew accidents happen with unexplainable frequency in this town but witnessing them strikes my heart every time.
It's not true that I'm not scared at all.
The thing I fear most is to see the one I love on the brink of death.
I wished more than anything else the pipe would stop falling. Yet, gravity is beyond my control. I, however, could fly towards Lifty and shove him out of the way.
Just in time.
As miraculous as it seemed, I succeeded. I…succeeded in saving him! I had him in my arms, thrusting him against the wall. The pipe hit the ground with a boisterous sound. It rumbled like a thunder. We watched in terror as the metal struck a road sign and shattered into half.
"I'm so SORRY!" Handy shouted, panicking.
Fortunately, no one was hurt, but broken shards scattered everywhere. Some of them splashed against my face, cutting through my skin mercilessly. I buried Lifty in my arms to keep him from harm. I would, no matter what, shield him from every danger.
He was shuddering and mumbling something as he leaned against me. It took me a moment to realize he was shivering in fear.
Oh no…is he feeling insecure in my arms? Did I happen to miss one shard and it has cut him?
"Lifty, are you alright?" I asked instantly, examining his body for any apparent injuries. "You aren't hurt, are you?"
Lifty shook his head slightly and looked up. Only then did I catch sight of his tears. He pressed his lips together and squinted, his hands still shaking.
"Lifty…I…" I sighed, almost tearing up myself. "I'm sorry…I…should've arrived and saved you faster…I'm still a bad savior I guess…to have made you freak out like this."
"No…" The boy before me shook his head in denial. "It's not that…You don't understand…You shouldn't have come. You shouldn't have! You could have just let me die…"
I stared at Lifty in shock. His speech reminded me of how he kept struggling against my saving him when I first took him in. He had told me the same thing. He had asked me to let him die because his twin had ditched him.
"NO!" I yapped, hugging him tightly. "I'm not letting you die! I AM NOT."
"Why…Why are you doing this…"
Again, he asked me the very same question he had asked during our first foul encounter.
Now…I finally realize the answer. I can respond to all his questions without qualms.
It's because…because…
"Lifty, I love you. I don't want you to leave." I sniveled. "I want you to stay with me. Please…would you do that for me?"
After a minute of silence, Lifty growled and hugged me back.
"Damn you." He cussed. "Why didn't you say this earlier? I've been waiting for you to say it! Idiot. I've been waiting for so long. You know that? You're a brat. A jerk."
"Yes, I am." I said with a faint smile. I pulled away from him and slipped my hand into my pocket. "And I can't just let you go without giving this to you."
He gasped as I handed him the picture.
"It's a love letter, isn't it?" I smirked, pointing to his scribbled writings on the back of the photo.
"Ugh, fuck you!" Lifty pouted, wrapping his arms around my neck. His cheeks were burning red. "Stop teasing me already! Yes! YES! I wrote them! I love you, okay?"
"Okay." I smiled, contented. I nestled my head on his shoulder as he embraced me.
"I love you, Spencer." He cooed again, this time, in a more serious tone. "I really do. So I don't care what people think of us. I'll just let them mock us. I'll face all the teasing together with you. I want to stay with you until you kick me out of your house."
"Just so you know, I'll never kick you out of my house." I chuckled. "But yea, thank you for loving me. I love you, too, Lester."
For once in my life, I have found someone whom I love and who will love me back.
It seems that my decision to save this villain in the first place has turned out right.
There's something he doesn't know though.
I've always laid my eyes on him since we first met at school.
I just knew I might be able to change him.
I just knew it would be worth trying.
After all, he's the one who truly gets through my heart.
And now I know...
I love you. I seriously do.