NORRINGTON VISITS A DOCTOR… THE KIND WITH THE COUCH AND YELLOW NOTEPAD…
"It all started when I was a little lad," Commodore James Norrington began, lying down on the plush red couch.
"Go on," the psychologist said patiently.
"Well," Norrington said, reassured that the man was listening. "When I got a plastic sword for my eighth birthday. How I loved that sword!"
His eyes shone with the joyous memories of past years, now lost to him forever. The psychologist tried not to gag at the sappiness of that line.
"But then my brother, Ernest, threw it into the fire!" Norrington suddenly exclaimed, bringing his fist to bear down upon the coffee table and spilling hazelnut Chock Full O'Nuts everywhere.
"He had gotten a pirate costume for his birthday, and…"
The psychologist interrupted. "Your brother had the same birthday as you?"
"Oh, yes," Norrington said nonchalantly. "We are identical twins."
The psychologist rolled his eyes at the very thought of the potentially sappy mistaken-love fics that could be written with this in mind.
"And," Norrington pressed, "He said that I wasn't cool enough to be a pirate, that I was only worthy of being a blacksmith." His eyes filled with tears.
"So I pulled the sword out and the melting plastic ran onto the floor, causing a rug stain that my mother still won't forgive me for."
The psychologist looked up from his nonsensical doodles.
"So that's why you hate pirates and blacksmiths?" he concluded.
"No, that's why I hate plastic!" Norrington shouted, tipping over the plastic cups and the plastic water cooler and running out of the room, laughing maniacally.
A/N: This was… random. Really, really random. The super-special winner's vignette is coming up next!