Summary: Kurt Hummel, Blaine Anderson, Rachel Berry, Nick Duvall, Jeff Sterling, and Elliott Gilbert make up Pamela Lansbury, a rock/pop band that hit it big after their first single was featured on popular tv-show Sing. A little over two years later the band is still dealing with the pressures of fame, their differing dreams, their fans, "shippers", and finding love.

Author's note: I'm really excited to get this chapter out because of a thing that happens here that I've been wanting to write for a while. This chapter is very Rachel-centric which was a little bit annoying to me but necessary. It also has a slight flashback because too many things were supposed to happen on the night of the New Jersey show. Enjoy.

On another note, this week I am being featured on Author's Spotlight at Daydream Believers on tumblr so if you're interested check out my Q&A with them over at their tumblr.

Chapter Ten

"We're only two weeks away from opening night," Jesse was saying and Rachel who had heard variations of his speech over the course of the past few days tuned him out in favor of looking at her phone.

As she had tended to do the moment Pamela Lansbury set off on tour, she was checking up on them by going on the tumblr she and Kurt had set up to be able to see what their fans really thought about them. So far she had found a number of videos of their performances as well as gifs and long posts with just paragraphs and paragraphs of praise and all kinds of things which made her almost long to be with them.

"...we're going to be in previews so this is the time to perfect everything…"

Rachel kept strolling through the dashboard, smiling every time she found a new story about the meet and greets. They had always been the best part aside from being on stage. Rachel had always enjoyed meeting fans even when they were a little bit on the weird side.

As Jesse finished his speech, he clapped his hands. "Alright, then, let's start with the beginning of Act 2."

Rachel put her phone away and she walked to her spot, ready, and made herself transform into Jane.

A few hours later they were taking a break for lunch and Rachel found herself back on her phone but this time talking to Santana.

"I'm not leaving them," Santana said and Rachel just laughed.

At this point, she knew she wasn't winning. Santana was nothing if not loyal and Rachel knew that there was still a slight feeling of betrayal there because Santana also knew how to never forget anything.

"I know," she said, "and that friend you recommended has been pretty good. I'm actually going to be on Good Morning America in a couple of days because of them and of course for promo. Jesse is very happy about it."

"I bet," Santana said, "anyway, I have to go. Apparently one of the boys is sick and the tour manager isn't having a good time of it. Of course this is the week Wes is practically living at the label with trying to figure out the album release and recording."

Rachel didn't even manage to say a goodbye before Santana had hung up. She sighed and considered texting the boys to wish them luck on their show that night but she figured it was pointless as none of them were answering and Kurt had actually texted her to stop sending him any kind of messages. She thought he was probably still upset about the night at Prudential Center. It might have been a mistake to go to the show at all.

A few days earlier (New Jersey – Prudential Center)

Rachel had only been noticed by a few people, she knew because if more had been aware that she was there, more of them might have come up to her to ask for an autograph. As it was she only signed for some ten fans. Santana had placed her where she could be inconspicuous as possible and still have a decent look at the band.

It hurt in some ways to hear songs that she used to sing, sung back to her. It hurt when the fans cheered when Elliott sang her parts or when Nick and Jeff harmonized lines that had once been shared between her and Kurt. But she was proud of them, and happy to see how well they were still doing.

Kurt looked happy.

It wasn't that Rachel imagined Kurt wasn't happy in the band, it was just that she had always felt so connected to Kurt that it was strange to see him happy without her. Happy in the band without her. Maybe it really was where he belonged.

She had seen the articles earlier. The speculation that they wouldn't be signing their new contract and that the band might break up and it angered her in a way. After all the backlash she'd gotten for them to just go and break up the band would be like pinning her as the bad guy once more and she couldn't take much more than that.

On stage Kurt sauntered over to Blaine and they grinned at each other before singing into the same mic. Rachel rolled her eyes.

"Are you Rachel Berry?"

Rachel turned.

"I'm from Billboard, and I mean I don't want to overstep but a picture with you would make the article I'm going to writing on them just blow up."

Santana had told her to not draw attention to herself but she hadn't mentioned what to do if anyone that could be considered press saw her.

"It won't be out for a while," the girl continued, "at least not for a few days because I'm going to the shows in Foxborough and Buffalo and doing a report on all three."

"Yeah, alright," Rachel said because she knew that if she didn't then the article would still talk about her but as someone that refused to take a simple picture.

"And, um, could I get a statement or something from you?"

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "Why not."

"Awesome," she said and pulled out her phone, "I'm Frankie by the way."

They took a couple of selfies and then Frankie smiled at her. "So, just on the record you're showing your support for them, then?"

"Yes," Rachel said, "I had some time today so I asked their manager if I could come see them. I think they're doing fantastic."

"And do you miss it, being up there?"

Rachel glanced towards the stage where Elliott was singing the new song. "Yes and no. I love what I'm doing now and Broadway is where I want to be but it was fun being in the band. I didn't enjoy touring, actually, but the stage. That part I loved."

Fans were cheering loudly as the song came to an end and Elliott thanked them.

"I guess that will have to be on the next album then, eh?" he asked the crowd.

More cheers.

"It's a bit bittersweet," Rachel said, "but this wasn't what I set out to do, the whole band thing and Broadway is where I want to be."

Frankie nodded. "So you're looking forward to opening night, then?"

"Definitely," Rachel said, "it's my dream come true."

For a while they just watched the band until Frankie asked, "will you be seeing them after?"

"I might, yeah. Don't know if they'll be happy to see me but I guess I should since I'm here and everything."

"Cool," Frankie said, "oh, actually my photographer is flagging me over. It was nice to meet you, Rachel."

The rest of the concert, Rachel spent alone. She texted Santana before the last song, asking if she would be welcome backstage.

Santana: I don't know. Quite a lot going on without adding that to tonight. We're trying to have a PR meeting with the boys.

Rachel: Oh. Alright, then.

So after it was over, she found one of the security guys. A new one who she didn't know personally.

"Santana told me to escort you out," he said, "just in case."

But he didn't take her the way she had entered. Instead, he was taking her backstage and then he led her into a room.

"Just wait there."

"But I was—"

When she tried the door it was locked. But it didn't take long before a sweaty Kurt opened it and shut it behind him.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

It was the first time she was seeing Kurt in months and there was something about him that felt changed. His hair had grown slightly longer and the fondness at seeing her was gone from his eyes.

"Came to see the show, to support you guys. I was surprised to hear you're fighting the new contract all things considered. Couldn't have done that when I wanted time to do a Broadway show could you?"

Kurt gasped. "You didn't leave because you weren't able to get time off," Kurt snapped, "you left because you didn't ever want to be in the band and because you were pissed at me for not wanting what you wanted."

Rachel hadn't gone to the concert with the intention to fight with him. "Well considering you're lying to yourself yeah, I had a right to be mad."

Kurt rolled his eyes and he shook his head. "You wanted that role so bad that you couldn't wait until we talked to Wes about it to take it."

"Because you didn't want to be the Tom to my Jane," Rachel said, "even though it's all we talked about back in school."

Kurt dropped into one of the couches. "I wanted it," he said, "you know I did. To have Jesse offer that was pretty amazing but the timing was horrible. We already signed on to the tour and we had dates lined up and everything. But before we could even try and figure something out you quit."

"And you should have quit with me," Rachel said, "except that you couldn't disappoint Blaine, right?"

Rachel knew it was a bit unfair but she was right. It didn't matter how much they might have talked about it. It didn't matter that Kurt had wanted to talk to Wes and Santana about it because Rachel knew he wouldn't have done it. Kurt wouldn't have left the band because it would mean leaving Blaine.

"Yeah, well, I've already done that, so…"

Rachel wanted to ask, but she held back her tongue. "So is the band over, then? Now?"

Kurt shook his head. "No. Contract isn't up for a while yet and we're just negotiating. You made things a bit difficult for us, you know. They wanted us to sign early just in case another one of us wanted to leave."

"Oh," Rachel said, "well I would be pissed at all of you if you let the band break up now."

Kurt actually laughed. "Why, because it would tarnish you again? It would make you leaving relevant and important and to blame."

Rachel shrugged her shoulders. "I'm not exactly winning here."

"And I made a choice," Kurt said, "because even if I had taken that role I wouldn't have left the band and it does come first and not because of Blaine or anyone else but because it's mine. It's something I created and it's something I love and I know you don't get it but I want it. I want this I think maybe more than being on Broadway."

"Have you told Blaine you love him yet?" Rachel asked gently.

Kurt shook his head and looked down at his lap. "No," he muttered, "and somehow I don't think that would help things at this point."

"But, Kurt," Rachel said, "you can't keep ignoring that you're in love with him. That you made this whole band thing happen for him."

"I don't know that he feels the same way," Kurt said, "and I've made a few mistakes lately that—"

Rachel made a noise. "Kurt," she said.

"He had a boyfriend," Kurt said, "at first and then when he didn't it felt like I needed to give him space and then there was Elliott and I stupidly had a crush on him which I let everyone know but nothing was ever going to happen, of course."

"I know this," Rachel said.

Kurt laughed. "I know you do, but the thing is that becoming famous – living this life is hard enough and sometimes I just felt lonely and my dad was right and I just don't know…"

Someone knocked on the door and Kurt got up. "Ryan will see you out," he said, "I have to go."

Rachel stopped him before he could go, wrapping her arms around him. "I miss you," she said, "and talk to Blaine. This is only going to get under your skin. I love you, Kurt."

It took Kurt a moment before he hugged her back, but he didn't say anything while he did. Rachel didn't expect him to.

I have been lucky enough to attend not just one or two, but three Pamela Lansbury shows and to top it off they were all free of charge and full of wonderful adventures. This is being written by a fan, be aware.

Newark, New Jersey – Prudential Center

This might have been my favorite of the three I attended partly due to the company I had during this show and just the fact that it was the first of three. This was the second show for the band and they were killing it. The new songs were great, the band was fantastic. They had excellent energy and just seemed to be playing off of each other really well.

Anyway, this show is my favorite because I got to meet Elliott's mom and older sister. We often forget that Elliott is not from Ohio like the rest of the band but actually from New Jersey so naturally his family was at the show and I managed to get a few words with them. Essentially they are very proud of him.

But more importantly, I got to hang out with Rachel Berry that night.

Yes, you read that correctly. Rachel was at the NJ Pamela Lansbury show in the audience. I think it was supposed to be very lowkey and I want to say that she was reluctant to speak to anyone. As proof that she was there, we took a few selfies [image link].

I asked her if she missed being in the band and she said "Yes and no. I love what I'm doing now and Broadway is where I want to be but it was fun being in the band. I didn't enjoy touring, actually, but the stage. That part I loved."

Yet despite being present to support her former band mates who were not even aware that she was at the show, Rachel admitted that she might not even go back stage because they might not want to see her. That made me a little sad for her but also brings back questions to everything the boys have said about how they're still friends with her?

At any rate, being able to see Pamela Lansbury and hang out with a former member of the band made my night. Pictures of the show can be seen at [this link].

Foxborough, Massachusetts – Gillette Stadium

They are playing stadiums. Oh my. This one was a spectacular show perhaps because it is the biggest venue they had ever played and I think some nerves showed up on that stage. They had a minor mess up towards the beginning of their show but we forgive them that and the jokes made about it later on. These boys truly do know how to connect with the audience and have command of that stage.

Less exciting than the New Jersey show, I did not get to meet anyone in particular, but I did go backstage before the show and while I didn't get to meet any of the boys I did get a good look at their dressing rooms and at harried crew members that seemed to be trying to make the show perfect. Pictures from the show can be seen [at this link].

Buffalo, New York – First Niagara Center

This was the last show I came to cover and what made it special about this one is how I did at long last meet Pamela Lansbury. I didn't get to interview them but I did hang out with them for fifteen minutes before their show. I also did get to watch them do their sound check which is more involved than anyone could have considered.

The highlights of that is seeing how they interact and joke with each other. They're all very comfortable touching each other and just getting in each other's space.

They were all very lovely and perhaps a bit busy but friendly. I took pictures with all of the boys and we had a good time discussing their new songs and how they're all looking forward to their time in Ohio.

All pictures from this show including our selfies [at this link].

Overall I had the best time. Each of the shows was fantastic and just a little bit different in the best ways. I cannot wait until the next time I get to have such a cool assignment from work.

KurtandRach: I can't believe Rachel went to their show. Aww, she still cares about them.

HummelAnderson: who thinks it's weird that she happened to run into Rachel though? And whatever Rachel said about not being welcome backstage was definitely shade.

NiffKlainer: She got to meet Rachel and also the boys. #so jelly

PLislife: this reads more like a fan review than anything what is that about? #I expected more from Billboard

Blaine felt better even though he knew he wasn't, but that was the miracle of whatever the doctor Sebastian had called had given him. They had about a half hour before they needed to get on stage and he knew that nothing would go wrong when it came to his slight cold.

"Feeling alright?" Kurt asked.

Blaine nodded. "Yeah, I think I'll be fine. And yes, I did try and cough all over Sebastian."

Kurt grinned. "He actually didn't do too bad with getting you taken care of."

"Yeah," Blaine said.

It really wasn't that Sebastian was incompetent though. That wasn't a problem at all. It was more that he was Sebastian.

"I was talking to Santana earlier. She said she's coming with Wes and David to Ohio, actually, and she said that she might have found someone to replace him. This girl she knows from New York."

"Oh," Blaine said.

Kurt nodded. "Yup. She said she was helping Rachel out and getting her a new manager so she'd stop calling her for advice and met her as well and she seemed interested. I think she wants to do a background check and all that but we may be getting rid of Sebastian just yet. And it was without much trying from my part. Had fun seeing him try and figure out where the mic stands were, though. I had Luke and Puck tell him they might have been left behind in Buffalo."

Blaine laughed.

"Hey, the sound guys wanted to go along with it and I'm Puck's boy if you remember."

The whole addition to Puck as their security was still a bit baffling to Blaine but he was one of Kurt's friends from high school and a part of Blaine was convinced that he had been sent with them back during their first tour by Kurt's dad.

"Are you guys ready?"

Kurt looked up and there was Sebastian. He looked a bit harried, the headset on his head hanging lopsided.

"Yes," Kurt said, "and where are the rest of you. Oh god, where's the other two."

"You mean three," Blaine said.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "I know where Elliott is. Where the hell is Niff?"

Blaine almost laughed. "Still calling them that, Bas?"

Sebastian gritted his teeth, "Do not call me that. Nick and Jeff, where are they?"

"No idea," Kurt said, "but we'll be ready for the stage on time."

Sebastian left muttering under his breath and Blaine watched as Kurt laughed. He always looked even more beautiful than usual when he laughed.

"Why did he call them Niff?" Kurt asked.

"It's what everyone called Nick and Jeff back at Dalton. They were even closer back then than they are now, actually. A few of us were actually convinced that they were together but they weren't. They were just really good friends."

Kurt frowned a little. "Odd," he said.

Slowly they got up and after Kurt had walked over to the mirror to determine that his hair hadn't gotten messed up since Cassie did it up a little earlier, they continued towards the immediate backstage area. The closer they got, the more of the crowd that they heard. They found Elliott there once more in his leather jacket.

"Sebastian's freaking out," he told them, "can't seem to find Nick or Jeff."

Kurt snickered. "It's nice to mess with him. I still think he would have freaked out more if Blaine disappeared but someone had to go and get sick."

"Sorry," Blaine said.

Kurt shook his head and then reached up to touch his forehead. "You're not as warm as earlier at least. Are you sure you'll be fine?"

"Yup. I'll just have to drink more water than usual."

They saw Sebastian on his phone a few feet away.

"God damn it, answer! Where could you two have gone? No one saw you leave!"

Kurt giggled and turned away.

Author's Note: So right from the moment I decided that Rachel was going to leave the band I had the idea that she wasn't always going to leave the band...that there could have been a way to make both Broadway and the band work. It's possible. And while it has been hinted all over the place, I needed Kurt and Rachel to be in one room together to finally get those things out. It also is the first we're really getting of Kurt's feelings for Blaine and just his side of things. And lastly on this, Rachel basically prompts Kurt to have that talk with Blaine from a few chapters ago.

I'm on tumblr at inawickedlittletown if you'd like to follow me there. I usually post writing progress updates there.

Hope you all enjoyed this and thank you for reading.