My entire trip through time came as a moment of impulsion.
Hailey and I had yet again found ourselves in the midst of a heated debate concerning whether or not it was possible to build a working time machine. In her mind, there were just too many factors involved for any one person to successfully make it from Point A to Point B and back in one piece.
When I tried to explain that I had already found the values to almost every variable one would need to time travel, she didn't believe me. In the heat of the moment, I felt the overwhelming need to show her that I knew what I was talking about and ended up spending the rest of the night preparing my time machine for its maiden voyage.
I knew from the moment I entered the large machine that the project wasn't quite ready and that there were still several calculations left to be made, but I didn't care. All that mattered was finally proving, once and for all, that I was the one who was right.
My trip was a relative success, but as the Laws of Physics state, every action leads to an equal and opposite reaction. The forces I used to push myself through time had also pushed back on me and ended up almost costing me my life.
That was the day I realized that my little sister had a knack for being correct in her assumptions, which is an observation that has proved itself time and time again.
Unfortunately, I only ever seem to remember this fact after it's already too late.
"San?" I quietly called out as I slowly pushed open the bedroom door to peer inside, watching as light flooded the dark room to reveal a mess of brown hair poking out from under a mountain of covers. Assuming the girl in question was still fast asleep, I quickly decided not to disturb her rest and started to retreat back through the doorway when I heard her suddenly speak up.
"Hey, Baby," Santana groggily mumbled as she popped her head out from under the comforter to look at me with a sleepy grin. "It's about time you came in here to join me. Come on, I've already got your spot all warmed up," she informed as she scooted back towards her usual side of the bed and held up the covers for me slide in beside her, causing my heart to give a slight flutter.
I love her.
"Britt, why are you just standing there? Get under here before it gets cold, ya goof," Santana teased as she patted my designated space, bringing me out of my thoughts and causing my body to involuntarily jolt forward towards her.
Getting situated between the sheets, I immediately allowed myself to curl into her side and get comfortable. "Mmm, no wonder you were all cuddled up under here. I feel like I'm in the middle of a big, toasty marshmallow," I quietly noted as I buried my face in the crook of her neck, nuzzling my nose against her soft skin as I added, "I hope I didn't scare you when I came in earlier."
Letting out a small, raspy chuckle, Santana admitted, "I was a little startled at first, but then I heard you clanging around in the kitchen and figured I was either being robbed by the worst burglar in history of the world or that my conspicuous girlfriend had dropped by for a visit. What in the world were you doing in there anyways?"
"Nothing much. Just getting ready to making us some breakfast and lunch."
"You mean brunch?" she inquired with a curious tone.
"No, there will be two separate meals," I stated with a timid smile as I pulled away just enough to look at her. "I was actually thinking we could take the pups to the park later and have ourselves a little New Year's Eve picnic before the party tonight, if it's okay with you."
"Aw, well aren't you the sweetest, most thoughtful girlfriend in the world," Santana commented with a cute, little grin before giving a slight nod of her head. "It sounds we have a perfect day in the makings."
"That's what I'm hoping for," I commented honestly before unwrapping myself from Santana's warm embrace, much to her chagrin.
"Hey, where do you think you're going? You leaving me alone in bed isn't part of the perfect day plan."
"Calm down, Babe," I chuckled as I leaned down to press a gentle, reassuring kiss to her lips. "I'm just going to go finish making breakfast, and then I'll be back. In fact, the only reason I even came here in the first place was to see what your breakfast preferences were for the morning. Then, you decided to be all cute, and I just couldn't find it in me to deny you morning snuggles."
"Yeah, you really do have a weak spot for my cuteness, don't you?" she questioned with a tight-lipped smirk.
"The absolute weakest," I joked back, giving her one last kiss before asking, "So, what'll it be? I already have the sausage, eggs, and bacon ready to go. Now, all I need to know is if you want pancakes, toast, or waffles." As usual, she didn't even have to bother with voicing her decision out loud. The look in her eyes told me everything I needed to know, so without further ado, I gave a slight nod of my head and confirmed, "Waffles it is."
A few hours and a long cuddle session later, we finally decided to roll out of bed and head to the park, but not before I finished preparing lunch. Wanting the menu to be a surprise, I sent San into the living room to wait with Layla and Del while I quickly put the finishing touches on our midday meal, and within fifteen minutes, everything was packed and ready to go. Taking the bag holding our food into my hands, I headed out of the living room and instantly found my girlfriend watching TV on the couch with a dog curled up on each side.
"Well if I would have known the pups were so tired, I would have never suggested taking them to the park," I comment while stressing the last word to get the dogs' attention. Sure enough, as soon as the word left my mouth, their heads popped up with their ears perked. "Yeah, you heard me. We were supposed to be going to the park today," I repeated with a smile, which only grew as I watched them both scramble off the couch and rush over toward the front entrance of the house.
"Hey, hold on, you two impatient knuckleheads! We're going to leave in just a second," Santana laughed out over their excited barking as she pushed herself up onto her feet and walked over to the coatrack to slip on her jacket and scarf. Once I managed to follow suit, we each bent down to fasten a leash to our respective pooch and took off out the door.
It didn't take long for us to get to the park, and after meandering around the paved pathways, we finally made it to a fenced in section where dogs could play freely. Stepping inside the gates, we unlatched the leashes from the dogs' collars and watched the pair take of running while we headed over to our usual park bench arm-in-arm.
Once Santana was seated, I quickly moved to sit down beside her and began unpacking the contents of the insulated lunch sack, handing a warm thermos over to San so she could twist off the cap and take a peek inside.
"Britt, is this tomato soup?" she questioned as she lent down to take a whiff of its contents.
"Yeah, I also made us some grilled cheeses. See?" I replied, pulling out the two toasted sandwiches I had prepared. Taking note of the giddy grin lighting up her face, I couldn't help but tease, "Excited much?"
"Yes, of course I'm excited! You know how much I love grilled cheese and tomato soup. They're basically the soulmates of food. Here, hold this," Santana cheered as she poured some tomato soup into the cup-like lid of the canister and exchanged it for the grilled cheeses I still had in my hand. Returning one of the sandwiches back into the bag, she unwrapped the other and dipped it into the soup before holding it out for me to eat.
"No, Babe. I mainly made this for you, so it's only right that you get the first bite," I politely declined with a small laugh as I gently pushed the offered food away from my mouth.
Santana teasingly rolled her eyes at my refusal but still took a big bite, nonetheless. I watched as she took a minute to chew her food before a big smile made its way across her face. Covering her mouth, she immediately exclaimed, "Oh my God, this is so good! I don't know what you did, but this is seriously the best grilled cheese and tomato soup combo I've ever tasted!" She then proceeded to excitedly dip the sandwich back into the soup and held it up in front of my mouth once more for me to taste, "Here, you've got to try this!"
This time, I took a bite without hesitation and took a moment to process its taste while watching San await my thoughts on the matter with an eager little grin pulling at her lips.
I love her.
"So, what do you think? Isn't it the best you've ever had?"
"It sure is," I comment wistfully, though my mind was light-years away from the bite of food I had just eaten. Shaking myself out of my daze, I slipped my arm across the back of the bench behind her to get a little more comfortable as we continued to alternate turns biting the soup-covered sandwich.
We sat like that for a long time, enjoying each other's company as we quietly watched Layla and Del playing amongst the other dogs and ate our meal. It wasn't until we were almost completely through the second sandwich that Santana finally broke the comfortable silence that had developed between us.
"Yep, I was right. This has definitely been the most perfect day so far, Britt. Thank you," she acknowledged as she leaned her head over to rest on my shoulder and dipped the last bite of grilled cheese into the cup of soup before bringing it up for me to eat.
"It is no problem at all," I replied as I reached forward slightly to take the bite into my mouth. Taking a second to chew and swallow the food, I added, "I mean, did you honestly think I'd allow anything less for our last day together?"
"Last day?" she asked in confusion, causing my entire body to suddenly still in suspense. Thankfully, her face relaxed less than a second later as she answered her own question with, "Oh, you mean of the year!"
"Y-Yeah, heh," I sputtered out nervously, praying that she'd buy my poor attempt to cover my slip up. "Of course that's what I meant."
God, I hated lying to her.
"Seriously, who in the hell let Berry pick what we'd be doing tonight?" Santana grumbled as we made our way towards the only open karaoke bar in town to bring in the new year with our friends.
Bumping the side of my arm into her shoulder, I released a breathy laugh as I playfully scolded, "Be nice, San."
"Yeah, yeah," she groaned before glancing up at me with a small smirk. "You just better be ready to intervene if she goes off on one of her showtunes kicks because I refuse to sit and listen to the same damn songlist she insists on singing every time we come here."
"Alright, Babe, whatever you say," I teased, wrapping an arm around her torso so I could gently pull her into my side and press a kiss to the top of her head.
As we walked inside, we took a look around the dimly lit room to find everyone gathered in the far corner of the room.
"Of course the dwarf had to claim the tables with the best access to the stage," Santana groaned in an irritated huff as I began pulling her towards our friends.
We each took turns exchanging pleasantries and words of greeting before finally managing to get settled in to two empty chairs between Quinn and our other friend, Mercedes. The conversations were easy, with us each catching up with what was going on in each other's lives.
Mercedes had just started getting into some apparently juicy gossip she had managed to scrounge up about people we graduated high school with when Rachel suddenly came dashing over to San and I, placing a hand on each of our shoulders as she announced, "Brittany and Santana, it appears that it is your turn. Don't worry, I already took the liberty of picking out the perfect song for you both to sing. I even ventured outside my normal wheelhouse to find something a little more suited to your tastes and vocal ranges. You're welcome."
"We didn't say thank you," Santana instantly snapped as she turned around in her seat and shot the girl a threatening glare.
"I know. You don't have to," Rachel answered simply with a pleased grin, completely oblivious to San's frustration with her.
Getting the sudden feeling that my girlfriend was about to get physical assault charges pressed against her, I quickly circled an arm across Santana's abdomen to pull her out of her chair and back towards the stage, calling out a half-hearted, "Thanks, Rachel," over my shoulder.
"Hey, don't thank her," Santana griped, shooting me an incredulous look. "She didn't do anything. I already had a whole list of song choices in my head to sing to you, and the damn Hobbit had to step in with her big, hairy feet and thwart my plans."
"I know, San, but remember what I said about playing nice?" I asked as I grabbed the microphones we would be using and turned back around to face her. "Let's just sing this one song, and then you'll be free to sing whatever you want without having to worry about Rachel getting in the way. I'll make sure of it."
"Fine, but just know that I'm doing this for you and not Streisand," she huffed out with a small sigh as she took the mic I offered to her and started making her way up the steps leading to the small stage with me following closely behind.
We each stood there under the stage lights, curiously waiting to see what song we'd be singing. Then, I saw the name of the song flash up in the prompter and felt my breath catch in my throat.
Rachel just had to pick this one. Out of all the songs in the world, she had to choose the one that would bring me back down to earth and remind me exactly why I wanted to spend this amazing day with the woman I love.
As the opening notes of "If I Can't Have You" began playing, I felt myself unable to move, let alone breath. Then, I heard the voice of an angel singing the opening line of the song.
"Don't know why I'm surviving every lonely day when there's got to be no chance for me. My life would end."
Snapping my eyes over to the woman standing only a couple feet away, I couldn't help but stare at this amazing creature with a voice sent straight from the heavens and wonder how I was ever lucky enough to call her mine.
I must have missed one of my cues because I suddenly felt a hand on the small of my back and refocused my gaze to find two worried brown eyes staring right at me, asking me if I was okay, as she continued to carry on with the song.
Santana thought I was suffering from stage fright.
Forcing my head to give a small shake, both to tell her that I was okay and to bring me back down to Earth, I forced a small smile and lifted the microphone up to my lips so I could joined her on the pre-chorus.
"Am I strong enough to see it through? Go crazy is what I will do. If I can't have you, I don't want nobody, Baby. If I can't have you. Uh-huh, ah. Oh!"
As we rounded out the first chorus, I fell silent once more. San must have picked up on the fact that I was still a little tense because she started spouting off a bouncy little line of do's and dah's while reaching her hand over to give my side a little tickle.
As per usual, she got what she wanted.
Capturing the hand running its fingertips along my torso, I threaded my fingers between hers and gave it a little squeeze while shooting her a playful glare and genuine smile.
We continued on singing that way, with Santana taking the top while I occasionally joined in as back up, all the way up until the end of the second chorus when she added in her own little flare during what was supposed to be just an instrumental part. Repeating "if I can't have you" once more, she then belted out a note that sent my heart soaring once more before bringing it back down to sing the chorus once more.
As the song wrapped up with one last chorus, I silently watched my girlfriend in her element, completely in awe. Sure, I knew she used to sing for her school's showchoir, much like I had done with mine, but never had I ever seen her so at ease.
I love her.
Santana must have caught me zoned out once again because I suddenly felt her squeeze the hand she was still holding and press a kiss to my cheek. Refocusing, I gave her a little smile as I suddenly heard a loud round of applause and watched as she gave a quick little curtsy before dragging me off stage.
As soon as we were away from prying eyes, she pulled me down into a heated kiss before admitting, "You know, that really wasn't all that bad. Looks like Berry actually did something kind of right for once."
"Hey, do you think we could get out of here?" I suddenly asked, catching Santana slightly off-guard.
"Huh?" Santana asked with an inquisitive expression. Realizing my sudden redirection of topics, she instantly gave a firm nod of her head. "Yeah, of course. Let's go get our stuff and let everyone know that we're heading out," she answered as she began pulling me back towards our table.
Santana's eyes were on me the entire drive over to our destination, but the reasoning behind her not-so-subtle stares changed once she realized we weren't going to either one of our houses.
I could feel my heart drumming in my chest, threatening to burst out, as I turned into the familiar empty driveway and parked the car. Walking around to the passenger side of the car, I pulled open the door and reached out a hand to help her out of the vehicle.
"So, I've got to be honest. I wasn't exactly expecting to end up at your parents' house when we left the party," Santana joked as she stepped back so I could shut the car door, seemingly unaware of the nervousness I felt from the thoughts lurking in the back of my head.
Mustering up the best smile could manage, I gave a light squeeze of her hand and responded, "I know. There's just something I want to show you, but first, can I ask you something?"
"Anything," she answered breathlessly with so much love shining through her eyes that I almost considered stopping my plan right then and there. Unfortunately, I understood that in order for us to any chance at moving forward, I needed to start being honest and confess everything I had been holding back from her.
Before I could do that, however, I needed a little bit of courage, which is why I asked, "Would it be okay if I hugged you?"
Santana instantly looked at me as if that was the strangest thing she's ever heard but still answered the question, nonetheless. "Britt, you know you don't ever have to ask that," she replied with the gentlest tone I had ever heard her use while opening her arms up for me to walk into.
"O-Okay," I quietly mumbled as I stepped forward and slipped my arms around her neck, pulling her into a tight embrace that she immediately returned.
I love her.
I could feel my entire body start to shake as the realization of what I was about to do started to seep into my being, and with all the honesty I could muster, I told her, "Thank you for being such a wonderful girlfriend, San. These past six months together have honestly been the happiest of my life, and I am just so very grateful for the time we've shared together."
Catching the slight quiver in my tone, she quietly whispered, "Britt?" She was catching on that something was wrong, and with that knowledge, I decided to pull away.
"Sorry, I'm okay. I'm fine. Anyways, it's freezing out here. Let's head inside," I stated as I started leading her to my parent's front door with her hand held tightly in mine. Once we were on their doorstep, I one-handedly flicked through the various keys looped around my keyring until I found the one belonging to their house and slipped it into the deadbolt.
"Where are your parents?" Santana asked as I flicked on the lights to illuminate the entryway.
"They're at their friend's New Year's Eve party."
"And Hailey?"
"She decided to tag along since she didn't have anything better to do. They won't be back until later on tonight."
"Alright, so why are we here if no one else is going to be home?"
"There's something here that I really needed to show you," I informed as I started making my way towards the staircase that lead down to our basement.
I could feel my hand shaking with nerves as I reached out to grasp the handle. The perspiration coating my palm and shakiness of my hand made it near impossible to turn the knob, but I eventually managed to get the door open and moved to turn on the light switch that would help light our way down the steps.
"Britt, are you okay?"
"Y-yeah," I murmured through deep, unsteady breaths as I focused on keeping my feet steady beneath me. "I just have to show you this."
"Show me what?"
I abruptly stopped walking and turned around to face here. Taking a long moment to stare at her, I felt myself become scared once more of what I was about to do.
I love her.
Taking a deep breath, I'll turned back around, muttering a quiet, "You'll see," as I continued down into the large, open-floored room. Looking back to find Santana traveling down the last few steps, I asked, "Remember how Hailey told you I used to be really interested in engineering?"
"Yeah," she cautiously answered as she walked over to stand beside me.
"Well, this is my greatest success as an engineer," I informed, motioning to the large mechanical instrument standing in the center of the room.
"What is it?" she inquired with a quirked brow as she looked it over with a curious expression.
Feeling like my heart was about to beat out of my chest, I dropped my gaze to the floor and forced out, "It's, uh-It's a time machine."
Snapping her eyes over to me, Santana gasped out, "A what?"
"A time machine," I reluctantly repeated.
"And your parents let you build a time machine in your basement?"
"Well, no, not really," I replied hesitantly as I shifted my weight between my two feet. "I mean, they didn't actually know it was a time machine until I finally told them about eight years ago."
"Okay, so why do you want to show it to me?"
"It worked."
"What?"
"The time machine. It worked," I clarified while making my way over to the same work bench I spent countless nights at while working on this project. Taking out a sheet of paper from the center drawer, I jotted down the equation I had worked and reworked hundreds of times as I began to explain, "When I was little, I had an idea to one day time travel. At that age, you believe anything to be possible, so I started reading up on the subject. As time went on, I never got the notion that what I was doing was seen as completely absurd to most people and continued delving deeper and deeper into my research."
"My main references came from the work of Doctors Edgar Howard, Scott Wilson, and Henry Ericson. The three of them had worked together to formulate this equation, but they could never find the correct values to make it actually work." I gave a slight pause in my explanation so I could start writing down the next step in solving the equation before continuing my story, "You see, their problem was that the variables they got were too big to work for their model. They needed to think smaller and scale everything else down accordingly."
An even longer silence passed between us as I carried on with the math problem I had solved a hundred times, and within a couple of minutes, I had the answer I was looking for and looped a large circle around it to make it stand out, "And this was the value that told me that time travel would be possible under these conditions." Letting out a quiet sigh, I capped the pen I had been using while maintaining my focus on the sheet of paper, "Unfortunately, the equation never took into account what kind of stress the human body would be put under in order for someone to endure that trip."
"What do you mean?" Santana quietly asked, as if she were afraid of my answer.
Looking up at her, I force a small smile. "Turns out time travel takes a little bit of a toll on your body, especially if you're planning to go round trip," I replied, raising my hand up to gently tap my sternum.
"Your heart?"
"Yep, which is why I've only taken Bruiser on one trip," I informed, nodding my head towards the large machine. "It's also why I decommissioned it and have never shown it to anyone. Well, except my immediate family and, of course, now you."
"So, how exactly do I fit into all this? I mean, I get the impression that you're telling me all this for a reason," she inferred, and when I failed to meet her gaze, she added, "You saw something about me, didn't you?"
Giving a noncommittal shrug, I maintained my focus on the ground as I clarified, "More like about us."
And that was the straw that broke the camel's back.
After a long moment of tense silence, Santana suddenly spoke up, saying, "O-Okay, I, uh-I think I've reached my limit of new information for the evening. I, uh, I think I need to-"
Snapping my eyes up towards her, I noticed her searching for the right words to say as she took a small step back.
No, this is wrong. This is all wrong.
"I'm just going to-"
There was another pause, followed by another step back.
Crap, I need to say something. What in the world can I do make her stay?
"Walk. I think I need to take a walk and process all this. I'll be back. I just need-I'm sorry," she apologized as she began to back further and further away from me.
Wait, don't go. Please don't leave.
Those were the words I wanted to say, but nothing ever came. I just stood there, completely frozen, as I watched her spin around and dart back up the stairs. Each step she took had been like a blow to the chest, but there was nothing I could do to stop her. I had to give her this. It was the least I could do after keeping all that I had from her.
I did this to myself.
By simply peeking into the future, I had unintentionally caused my own downfall.
If this plan didn't work and the future I once saw turns out to be a fluke, then it is all on me.
I'm not sure how long I had been sitting there staring at the large machine standing before me. All I knew is that I had been seated on the cold basement floor since shortly after Santana left, doing everything I could to prevent myself from making the few changes it would take to get the machine up and running again.
The irrational part of my brain was pleading for me to reactivate it so I could go back and change all this, while the rational side knew it'd be a futile endeavor.
It's not like my body could take another trip without me taking the proper precautions, anyways. Sure, I figured out the missing part of the equation long ago, but that doesn't mean I ever went back to make the proper adjustments to make Bruiser safer to use. That would have taken time that I didn't consider to be productive until now.
So instead, I just sat and waited. I wasn't quite sure what I was waiting for, but I suppose I finally got my answer when I suddenly heard the faint creaking of the basement door and light foot-steps leading down to where I was.
"Dad, I found her. She's down here."
Realizing that I didn't have it in me to make the drive home, I pushed myself up from the cold cement floor and began making my way up to the solitude of my old bedroom, only pausing to whisper a quiet, "You were right, Hailey. You always are," as I past my sister on the stairs.
I could feel her following me up the steps, begging me to stop, but I ignored her. I knew what she wanted. She wanted me to explain what happened, but I couldn't. I had already done enough talking for one night, and all I wanted to do now was be alone.
So instead, I locked myself up in my childhood bedroom, crawled under the covers of my old bed, and allowed my body to curl in on itself as I succumbed to the kind of tears that only heartbreak can bring, all the while thinking one thing.
I love her.
Author's Note:
Okay, so I'll just say that I definitely did not intend to come back on this note, but that's just what the story demanded so I rolled with it.
By the way, I just have to mention that I went to a Fleetwood Mac concert during my absence, which was basically the greatest thing I have ever experienced. I grew up listening to their music, and they have always been one of my favorite bands, even before Brittana came along to add to my love for them, so I just basically had the time of my life. I also got to listen to "Landslide" and "Songbird" live and bought a Songbird t-shirt that has lyrics on it and everything... Gosh, I love it! Haha.
Anyways, thank you all taking the time to read this chapter, and I hope to see you all again soon!