Eren ran up to Konohamaru in the middle of fight practice with a grin. He was covered in dirt and somewhat winded, but he was nonetheless grinning.

(They had not yet been allowed to truly use the 3DMG, something that annoyed Konohamaru rather greatly.)

"Go fight Annie."

"Nani?" Konohamaru was too surprised to even try using German. He corrected himself a second later. "What?"

"Annie. She kicked my ass. Go fight her." Eren grabbed a handful of Konohamaru's jacket (he stifled the reflexive urge to break Eren's wrist) and started dragging him towards Annie, who seemed rather nonplussed. "She can give you a good fight."

"I… okay?"

Konohamaru came to a stop in front the blonde girl that he didn't really know all that well yet, and awkwardly raised a hand in greeting. "Eh… hello?"

Annie sighed. "I guess you want to fight me?"

"Eren said I should." Konohamaru explained, slightly embarrassed. "Is it okay?"

Annie shrugged, looking like she could really care less. "Sure."

Without warning, Konohamaru struck with a jab, which Annie blocked with surprising force, followed up immediately with a cross-body thrust punch, also blocked, and a hook, which she dodged.

They both jumped back after a second, looking each other over appraisingly.

"Best two out of three?" Annie asked, a spark of excitement entering her eyes, one that Konohamaru doubted he would have been able to notice had he not visited Hanabi's house, and thus her relatives, so many times.

Konohamaru grinned, his only answer being a sharp nod.

This was going to be fun.

o.o.o.o.o

Annie was totally the best sparring partner he had (other than Mikasa and sometimes Eren) and he was going to shove half of his 'lessons' off on her from now on.

o.o.o.o.o

Konohamaru frowned to himself, reading the newspaper again. Armin was next to him, reading a different part, but completely ensconced in his own part of the paper. Every five minutes, if Konohamaru didn't poke him for some help, Armin would take Konohamaru's paper and test him on what he'd read to make sure he was practicing.

(This would be so much easier if he could just use Kage Bunshin. But no, he could only make two at a time, and he couldn't use those here.)

"There is someone in Trost that is… taking young girls with yellow hair and green or blue eyes."

"Blonde." Armin corrected, though not unkindly. "Yellow hair is called blonde."

Konohamaru nodded. "Right. I… this has happened for a long time—"

"Has been happening."

"—and they do not know who, how, or why." Konohamaru shot him a dirty look. "Twenty-seven girls."

"Yeah." Armin glanced down at the paper. "Eren's quite angry about it, really. If he had a chance to sneak away…"

He trailed off, looking uncomfortable.

"What? Sneak away?"

"Uh…" Armin floundered for a second. "Um… leave without anyone noticing."

"Ah." Konohamaru nodded, then tilted his head to the side. "What he would do?"

"What would he do?" Armin corrected automatically, though he bit his lip immediately after as he tried to figure out how to answer. "Maybe you should ask him."

"Fine." Konohamaru glared at the paper. "Twenty-seven, and no one knows."

"I know. It's bad."

Konohamaru snorted. "Sore wa awareda."

Armin blinked. "It's… what does 'awareda' mean?"

Konohamaru glared down at the paper, then looked up at Armin with a grin that he'd only seen on Eren's face before.

"It means I can be better. Is easy."

Armin felt a sinking feeling take up residence in the pit of his stomach.

o.o.o.o.o

"You really think you can do it all on your own?" Jean snorted, echoing the thoughts of several of the people in the room; Konohamaru was good at hand to hand, but everyone somewhat doubted that he could figure out a case that had been evading law officials for months. "You can barely speak our language, kid."

Konohamaru glared at him. "I know how. You do not."

Jean rolled his eyes. "Alright, fine. What's your idea, then?"

"Watashitachiha, dekoi o hitsuyō to shite imasu." Konohamaru muttered, glancing at Mikasa, who offered no help. "Ah… we need someone to be taken, then follow."

The anger that followed that statement was almost tangible. It was also something that caused Konohamaru to raise an eyebrow, because really? That was the best they could do?

"We're not using Christa as bait." Ymir spat out, hugging the younger, smaller girl close. Reiner also shifted to stand nearer to the two, supporting that statement, however silently.

Eren glared at anyone that sent glances towards Armin. "No."

Annie folded her arms across her chest, raising an eyebrow at the few remaining people that turned to her.

"No, not Annie." Konohamaru shook his head. "Too… mean? Not, eh, soft."

A few people frowned at that, but Mikasa understood fairly quickly. Her voice was quiet. "She can't act vulnerable."

"Aa." Konohamaru nodded. "And Christa is too soft. She cannot fight to get out if she needs to."

"So what do you suggest we do?"Jean scoffed. "You want bait, but you keep saying none of the girls we have will do. So we need someone that can act innocent but can also kick ass."

Eren snorted. "I've done that."

"You're not a girl, Jaeger. Or have you been hiding something from us?" Jean mocked.

"Shut up, Kirschtein!" Eren snarled. Konohamaru rolled his eyes.

"I can do it alone. I just need to, ah…" He turned to Mikasa. "Ano, Mikasa? How to say, ah… Kariatsumeru?"

Mikasa tilted her head. "The verb you're looking for is 'to borrow,' there, but you need to add the object you're borrowing to the end."

Konohamaru nodded sharply. "I need to borrow money. I have some, but I cannot buy all I need."

They eyed him suspiciously. Jean, as usual, was the one to ask the most pertinent question. "And what exactly are you going to buy?"

Konohamaru blinked. "Ah… fake hair, color eye… things, special dress, tape with two side or glue, eh… korusetto? Can also borrow, ah… bisho?" He glanced at Mikasa, who nodded. She didn't have much makeup, but she could loan some without trouble, and it would be no issue for some of the other girls to do the same if necessary.

"What." Jean glanced at the other boys. "You think you can pass off as the bait. You think you can pretend to be a girl."

Konohamaru smirked, and a sudden chill came over everyone. "Ano… Watashi wa mae ni sore o yatta. Watashi wa futatabi sore o okonau koto ga dekimasu. Sore wa hontōni hijō ni kantandesu."

Mikasa snorted, and Eren bit his lip, torn between his ongoing righteous anger at the events they were conspiring to stop, and laughing at Konohamaru.

"What?" Reiner, for once, cut in before Jean. "What are you guys laughing at?"

"He said that he's done it before, that he can do it again, and that it's actually really easy." Armin groaned.

"…Why?" Connie demanded amongst the smattering of giggles that erupted. "Why would you do that?"

"Eh…do not think about that." Konohamaru chuckled nervously. "Special time. Something like this. Lots of blood."

The giggling died away with that, faces growing pale.

"Right, so!" Eren clapped his hands together, drawing the attention of the whole group. "We know how we're going to deal with these bastards, right?"

"How about we do this," Jean started. "We'll loan you the money you need to buy all this stuff, so long as a few of us go along to make sure you're spending it on the right stuff. If this works, you don't need to pay us back. If it doesn't, you pay us back in full."

"If he doesn't die." Sasha piped up.

"…Right, if he doesn't die or get horribly mauled or something. We'll follow discreetly to try to make sure that doesn't happen." Jean augmented his original statement. "I don't think we'll be loaning you much individually, since there's so many people involved, so it shouldn't be a big problem. Anyone disagree?"

Everyone shook their heads, though not at the same speed.

"Great. We've got the weekend off in a few days, so you can buy what you need on Saturday, and then do the thing on Sunday. That give you enough time?"

Konohamaru tilted his head, thinking it over. Actually, yeah, it did. He wasn't going to be making much from scr… actually, it would probably cost less to make the dress from scratch, and he could tailor it perfectly with some help. He'd still have time to do it, especially since he'd be doing it mostly during the evening. He could focus on tailoring a genjutsu that evening and have some Kage Bunshin spread it around throughout the day, making whoever was doing this decide that it would be time to grab another girl. Let's see, that would mean a confidence booster, some greed enhancement, definitely subliminal geographic suggestion, vague hints of blonde hair and flouncy dresses… yeesh, this was going to be a hard one. At least he was only using it on civilians; it would be hell to implement on a ninja.

(To be fair, Konohamaru had been practicing genjutsu more than any other chakra-based technique over the recent months. Ninjutsu were too flashy, and using chakra to enhance his muscles was a subconscious thing anyway. As it was, some mild genjutsu practice had honestly been more to keep himself entertained and exercise his reserves than anything.)

(He wasn't going to be a genjutsu master, ever, but he could definitely say that he was proficient in its usage now, especially compared to how he'd been just a scant six months earlier.)

"Yeah, okay." Konohamaru nodded. "We can go shop on Saturday."

A murmur of assent went through the crowd (a number people had left during the decision-making, saying that they wanted nothing to do with the suicide mission, which was funny, considering what their current career paths were), and Konohamaru grinned.

"Wait, can I ask something?" Christa squirmed her way out of Ymir's hold, coming closer to Konohamaru. "Why are you so okay with this?"

Konohamaru blinked. "Okay with…?"

"Pretending to be a girl." Christa elaborated.

Konohamaru blinked again. "…Why should I not be?"

No one really had an answer to that.

"Oh, oh!" Sasha darted forward with a question of her own. "What were those color eye things you mentioned?"

…Shit, they don't have technology advanced enough for colored contact lenses, do they? Well, I'll figure something out.

"Uh…"

o.o.o.o.o.

Naruto didn't miss the way that most of the Scouting Legion's fingers twitched towards their weapons when he landed. Well, they went for the weapons when they recovered from the sheer shock of his arrival, anyways. That took a few seconds.

"Wer sind Sie?" One of the men near the front demanded, though cautiously.

"Eh?" Ah, right, he didn't understand the language yet. Well, he knew a few words, but not enough to accurately communicate.

…Nah, he was fine. Who needed words anyway?

He jabbed a thumb at his chest, a grin plastered over his face. "Naruto."

The people glanced at one another, and the blonde man at the head of the group slowly urged his horse forward. He pointed at himself. "Erwin."

Naruto's grin softened into a smile. Alright, diplomacy was going, if slowly. He turned his back to them, sending a smile at the group over his shoulder and waving at them to follow. "C'mon! I'll show you somewhere safer."

He glanced down at the foxes and let his voice drop a little lower. "Spread out around the group. The rest of the clones should keep us fairly safe, but I want a small contingent around the humans as a second line of defense."

The foxes, technically all clones, nodded and turned to run to their positions as Naruto took off towards a clearing that he remembered seeing once on his way through, if this was the same forest as the one he thought it was.

Hey, Kurama? Do me a favor, please.

If you're thinking what I think you're thinking…

Yep.

…Well, it has been a while. Why not?

o.o.o.o.o

Erwin wasn't quite sure whether to trust the strange man that had jumped down from Walls-know-where with what was, quite frankly, nearly a platoon of foxes, but he thought that he had a pretty good idea of who the man was.

Dot Pixis had mentioned the foreign boy from outside the walls, the pet fox the boy had had, and the older brother that said boy had mentioned. This was, in all likelihood, the brother in question.

Erwin had honestly been expecting someone a little more serious. The look on this man's face was honestly more mischievous than anything. He didn't look much older than eighteen, either.

Erwin had also been expecting someone that looked a little more like the boy that had shown up in Trost way back when, even with the claims that they weren't actually related, but that clearly wasn't the case either.

(Even if Erwin had only ever caught a few glimpses of Konohamaru while visiting Pixis, the boy had looked different enough from the norm to stay in his memory. Naruto didn't have the dark hair, the dark eyes without a fold in the lid, or the subtly different bone structure.)

(What he did have was the headband with the stylized leaf inscribed on the metal.)

(He also had birthmarks like whiskers on his cheeks.)

(Those were especially unexpected.)

With a flick of the reigns and a squeeze from his heels, he urged his horse forwards, and he heard the rest of the scouts from behind him following. The man, Naruto, had apparently heard them, because he'd suddenly begun running, much faster than Erwin had thought possible, and the scouts hurried their horses to match the speed as best they could.

It was difficult, that. The horses could keep up, if barely, and the whiskered blonde man didn't seem to be straining himself much at all. It wasn't quite confirmation, but Erwin suspected that if this man could outrun the Survey Corps' horses in a crowded forest, he could outrun a Titan on flat land. That probably explained a few things about how he'd managed to stay alive alone out here for so long, but not everything.

It didn't explain the foxes, or how the relatively tiny creatures were also able to keep up with the horses.

"Hange? I want you to talk to him about anything he may have found out about Titans while living out here." Erwin called back. "He has to have learned something if he's been living out here this long."

"Once we have an established method of communication, sir!" Hange yelled back, sounding rather disappointed. "I don't know if I can get anything, given that he doesn't seem to know our language."

Erwin winced. "We'll work around that."

Far off, a Titan howled, and the soldiers tensed, followed quickly by an explosion, but nothing followed. No ground-shaking footsteps, no crashing trees, no more gigantic roars breaking through the air… nothing to signal that the Titans were following them in.

Uneasy glances were passed all around, though the foreign man didn't react to the noises at all.

"You think he knows where he's going?" Levi asked, and though Erwin couldn't see him, he was fairly sure that Levi's eyes were narrowed on Naruto's back.

"Yes." At least, Erwin hoped so.

"You think it's safe?"

That one, Erwin couldn't answer. There were a lot of questions that he couldn't answer about the situation, but so far, nothing had actually triggered his danger senses.

Then they burst into a clearing containing the biggest fox any of them had ever seen.

And Naruto was sitting on its back, grinning like he'd just won the goddamn lottery.

"…What the hell." Levi deadpanned, even as Hange seemed to inflate with sudden excitement.

Erwin felt that Levi's reaction to the situation described it best.

o.o.o.o.o

Naruto almost started kicking his legs back and forth in giddiness, but he felt reasonably sure that Kurama would shake him off and maybe eat a limb or two if he started smacking his heels into the fox's eyes.

He pointed down at the fox in question, acting like the abject fear and shock on all the soldier's faces wasn't present, and cheerfully introduced his unfortunately permanent companion. "Kurama."

The soldiers shifted in their seats, and some of the horses began fidgeting. They were used to Titans, not giant foxes, though said experience with giant man-eating creatures explained why they weren't being spooked.

After a few seconds, Naruto pointed down at the fox again. "Kurama."

Erwin (that was his name, right?) nodded slowly, and then, hesitating somewhat, he slowly slid off his horse and walked forward towards Naruto.

That meant he should get down and meet him on the ground too, right? Yeah, that would probably be polite. With a short grunt, Naruto jumped off of Kurama's head, did a small flip in midair, and landed a few feet in front of Erwin.

He grinned and stuck out his hand, which he figured was a lot more natural to these people for first meetings than a bow like back home. And… backwards names, right? Personal first, then family. That would be weird. "Naruto Uzumaki."

The hand that grasped his was covered in callouses (no stranger to hard work; good), and the grip was firm, for a civilian, but not so firm that it would seem like the man was trying to intimidate or threaten him. "Erwin Smith."

Naruto nodded, and without hesitation, flopped backwards and leaned back against Kurama's side. He gestured around the clearing in an obvious sign for them to do the same.

"Now…" He spoke, knowing that no one would understand, but saying it anyway. He watched as everyone either gaped or, in the case of one person of indeterminate gender that looked a little like Karin, grinned and flopped down on the grass just as he had, having no objection to one of the foxes that were littered around the meadow coming over and nuzzling them. "What can I do for you?"

o.o.o.o.o

Unbeknownst to anyone present, even Naruto, there was someone watching from the trees.

That someone was Hyuuga Neji.

He found this all quite amusing.

Well, even the dead have to find something to entertain themselves with.

o.o.o.o.o

A/N: I've wanted Konohamaru to crossdress for a while, and I decided to turn it into a plot thing instead of a casual thing, because this little brat is honestly one of the most feminist-friendly perverts I've seen in fiction. His reaction to learning the Oiroke isn't just "yeah, okay!" it's "great, now how can I use this against people who aren't straight men, bisexual, pansexual, or lesbians?" He shows literally no shame at turning into either a naked woman, a naked man, or any combination thereof in a pair.

This kid is a lot more open-minded than he seems, and I honestly think that while he's probably cisgender, he's also the kind of boy that would go "wear a dress? Uh… yeah, sure, okay."

Also, if you haven't been paying attention, I've been building up the kidnapping thing for a couple chapters, even if some of the hints were in German. I meant to put it off a while longer, but… meh. Might as well introduce it now.

Ja ne,

Phoenix